So, this will be my last post on here for quite some time. To put it bluntly between losing my interest in several things I enjoy, being stressed to the max because my aunt and mom are fucking cunts and receiving news medical news today that pretty much broke me. I feel like the entire world is fucking with me or crashing in on me and I can't take it. All i want to do now is miss work and lay in my bed in a ball and just sleep and cry and hope shit gets better but I know it won't.
Many of you don't know, but when I was 21, I was pretty much a bastard as I was always drunk, I was just wild child to save some time on explaining and it was during this time that my dad got ill and eventually passed away. This broke me and made me spiral deeper and deeper into my vices, and I decided one night that enough was enough I was going to free myself so I got on my bike broke drive fast in the rain, and yeah you can guess what I was trying to do. I survived the crash, obviously, but the way I landed it caused my nerves in my arms, shoulders/shoulder blades to get fucked. I noticed my arms and all bugging me more as of late and when I went to the doctor I was pretty much told by the end of the year if I didnt change things in my life that I would have almost complete nerve damage in those parts of my body. And on top of that, I was told I have early onset of Rheumatoid arthritis. So yeah, that has broken me.
Now on top of that my mom and aunt have been stressing me the fuck out because I am forced to watch my grandmother, which normally wouldn't be bad, but she has dementia, and it is hard to take care of her because of that. My grandmother never approved of me being trans and will make comments "Weren't you a boy?", "You know God made you a boy and not a girl for a reason." and so forth and the shit is hurtful and gets to me. My aunt was supposed to take care of her, but she had a dumbass horse show this week that she "couldn't miss" and my mom just didn't want to deal with her. So, I am forced to, and I have been telling them about this assisted living home that is top rated and everything and has nurses that speak Russian, since my grandmother only speaks it, but both of them refuse to put her in a home like that because of bs reasons.
So yeah, I am going away for a while. How long that will be. I don't know. Could be a month or two, six months, a year, or whenever. I do want to say that I am legitimately grateful for everyone on here who has been kind, welcoming, and generally just great people to someone like me. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to come online and talk to.
I love you all.
