So in wake of what has happened with Daffney in the past 24 hours.
And to paraphrase a certain someone:
“I want you to digest this because I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.”
So, for the past 18 months or so, a lot of things have played on my mind and led to me being unhappy.
Mostly things that are work related but there are other factors as well.
I was looking to leave my current job just before the start of the pandemic. I was on annual leave in Dublin and decided that it was time for me to move on, due to being so sick of certain people and certain practices.
Then the pandemic struck (people already had face masks on at Dublin airport in late February) and I was working from home.
Whilst at this point I was still living with my parents, I loved working from home.
It was still shitty that I couldn’t see my friends in person and do all the things that I would normally do.
But even despite working from home, I was still getting pissed off with people and the way things were going at work.
Then in the summer of last year, I went back to work, when I didn’t really want to be there. But I was kept away from certain people, so I wasn’t consumed by the bullshit that goes on.
At the start of October 2020, I was offered by my parents (mostly my Mother) to live at my Grandma’s house, as she was unfortunately not able to adequately look after herself anymore and she needed real care by professional carers.
At this point, I knew what was coming.
And she sadly passed away in April of this year.
With her passing, it was agreed way ahead of time that half of the house would be put in my name and the other half in my older Brother’s name.
And despite living in a house (and I’m not trying to sound like a complete and utter prick here) with no mortgage, deep down I was still unhappy.
Add that unhappiness with the news that the family dog had to be put to sleep in June, I didn’t think things could get any worse.
But despite all of this, what I did know was that I had to get away from work, as it was just making me more unhappy and depressed.
I won’t go into full details here but I was offered a job a few weeks ago and I’d handed my notice in at my current employer. But I was persuaded to stay, so I did.
Just last week, there was a chance of a promotion going at work, which I went for.
Long story short, I didn’t get it. A part of me thinks the only reason I didn’t get it was because I handed my notice in a few weeks ago and my boss is still resenting me for it.
But no sour grapes towards the person who did get the promotion. We were friends before and we’ll still be friends afterwards.
Now, last night, we went out for drinks after work, so that we could celebrate the new people we had start with the company and to wish all the best to the people who had left during lockdown as we were obviously not able to go out to do so.
My boss goes on to say to one of my friends and former colleagues that “I’m not quite ready for that next level yet.” Which is completely fucking contradictory to what was said to me in the interview.
So, by the time everyone has left, I’m back into pissed off mode, as I was at least somewhat happy with the way things were going at work because it was agreed that I’ll be shown how to perform certain tasks that not everyone else can
I went for a long ass drive in my car. (I assure you, I had ONE drink the whole night. No matter how bad things can possibly get, I would never drink excessively, put myself behind the wheel of my car and endanger other people’s lives)
I haven’t been on a drive like that in about 4 years. And I’ve recently got a brand new car as well, so you’d think I’d have gone out it in more.
So not only that, I went off Social Dating Apps for about 8 months because I needed a break and I didn’t feel comfortable posting any new images, due to my successive weight gain over the last 5 years or so.
I’ve since lost a stone and a half (about 21 pounds) and posted some new images of myself. So what I am hoping is that the hard work I’ve put in since the start of the year pays off. Because I’ve never been great at talking with girls/women. I’m not sure why but I’ve always been terrible at it. I think because I’m naturally quite shy and I’m not the best at meeting new people, as I’ve always found myself to be a bit socially awkward. And I’m not exactly a bad looking guy. Not that looks matters to me the most, it’s all about the personality. But there has to be at least some form of physical attraction. I think a lot of the time my anxiety kicks in and that knocks my confidence. Plus, I’ve been told “I’m too picky”, which I wouldn’t completely disagree with.
At the end of the day, I do know that I will find the right person but it weighs on my mind all the time, coupled with everything else that has gone on recently in my life.
And I’ve always felt that wrestling forums are a bit of a “safe haven” because it’s seen as a bit of an outcast type thing to like and pretty much the only time people would actually admit that they liked wrestling was during its highest peak in the attitude era.
So I feel a lot more comfortable mentioning this on here.
It is part of the reason why I’ve started posting more, because I’ve never felt like that I didn’t belong here.
