The Wing Kong Exchange (feat. Inferno)

  • Welcome to "The New" Wrestling Smarks Forum!

    I see that you are not currently registered on our forum. It only takes a second, and you can even login with your Facebook! If you would like to register now, pease click here: Register

    Once registered please introduce yourself in our introduction thread which can be found here: Introduction Board


Fuji Vice

Hall of Famer
Joined
May 21, 2011
Messages
25,302
Reaction score
775
Points
118
Age
45
Favorite Wrestler
stanhansen
Favorite Wrestler
brusierbrody
Favorite Wrestler
rickrude
Favorite Wrestler
randysavage
Hello all and welcome to the Wing Kong Exchange. I am your friendly neighbourhood Warlord David Lo Pan and this is my assistant Thunder. Thunder? THUNDER? Where are you? Oh, I see....

2lvcr44.jpg

Ok, so he's a little busy right now, but give him time, he can definitely "happ" you on your way. Now, since Thunder is otherwise indisposed I will simply state that this is the place to come to if you are looking for a little bit of a more offbeat than normal type of film. Generally I spend a lot of time in my fortress here (well actually I never get out) so I have seen a lot of movies come and a lot of movies go. That being said, I've got something to say about pretty much all of them, and you will be the beneficiaries of my small portion of kindness as I review them for you.

Please feel free to request reviews and if Thunder gets finished blowing off a little steam perhaps he can find them on Beta for me to take a look at. In the meantime I will certainly provide you with my insights on many fine (and not so fine) films. Also, if you do not comment once you have read them I will have you sent to the hell of the upside down sinners (yes, Chinese have a lot of hells). That is all.

Look for my first review shortly, INDEED you are lucky, lucky people.
 

TroyTheAverage

Love That Danhausen
Joined
May 19, 2011
Messages
7,580
Reaction score
716
Points
118
Favorite Wrestler
sting
Favorite Wrestler
LDuO6dG
Favorite Wrestler
EtPxwR9
Favorite Wrestler
ArsUxsj
Favorite Wrestler
nwo
Favorite Wrestler
dx
Favorite Sports Team
timberwolves
Favorite Sports Team
xNN1pyG
Favorite Sports Team
MK6AEv8
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Thankfully we will have you here to review movies so I can read your reviews and not miss a beat.
 

Fuji Vice

Hall of Famer
Joined
May 21, 2011
Messages
25,302
Reaction score
775
Points
118
Age
45
Favorite Wrestler
stanhansen
Favorite Wrestler
brusierbrody
Favorite Wrestler
rickrude
Favorite Wrestler
randysavage
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

No worries dude, glad you'll be able to see them all again!
 

Fuji Vice

Hall of Famer
Joined
May 21, 2011
Messages
25,302
Reaction score
775
Points
118
Age
45
Favorite Wrestler
stanhansen
Favorite Wrestler
brusierbrody
Favorite Wrestler
rickrude
Favorite Wrestler
randysavage
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Jaws 3-D

ekezh4.jpg

Something is terribly wrong at Sea World. A shark has somehow made it's way inside the compound, causing the soon-opening theme park to fly into a state of panic. Luckily, some park employees manage to capture the shark, a young Great White, and decide to put it on display as the star attraction. Unfortunately it dies soon after and even worse, it wasn't alone in the park, it's mother is inside too and now she's mad.

2zyc668.jpg


"You don't need glasses to see that this effect sucks."

Jaws was an excellent horror/thriller and the first true summer blockbuster, while the sequel, Jaws 2, did an admirable job in continuing the franchise. Jaws 3-D however is on an entirely different level as it was seemingly made in an attempt to destroy the franchise forever (if only they had we wouldn't have Jaws 4 to look forward to). Directed by Joe Alves (his only directorial effort, best known as the Production Designer on the first two Jaws films as well as Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Escape from New York) this film would honestly be considered laughable if it didn't appear that all involved were actually taking themselves seriously. It stars Dennis Quaid (no stranger to bad movies after recently starring in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra), Bess Armstrong (who I had the hots for as a kid), Simon MacCorkindale (best known for his role as Greg Reardon on Falcon Crest), Lea Thompson (Marty McFly's mother from Back to the Future) and Louis Gossett Jr (fresh off his Oscar win for An Officer and a Gentleman, he really couldn't have picked a better film than this?). This would not be the last time an Oscar-winner for Supporting Actor would choose a Jaws film as their next project as we will see tomorrow, perhaps it's a rule? This film is inane and bizarre in every possible way and is a crowning achievement in the world of Cine-Trash.

24g8ze0.jpg


"I deserve better than this patchy Rotoscope job, that's for damn sure.."

It's hard to even figure out where to start with this turd so I'll just begin at the beginning. Immediately we are treated to the first of our idiotic effects as a fish is cut in half prior to it's head floating up, turning to face the camera and allowing the title for the film to come through the screen in gloriously bad 3D. Unfortunately the home version suffers from the lack of it and therefore makes the film look that much worse, or better depending on your point of view. Sadly this is not the last time the 3D monster rears it's ugly head as we are later treated to a myriad of bizarre shots that include the above-pictured floating arm of doom and some absolutely unbelievable glass flying towards the camera which I'm not even sure how they managed to make look so awful. When we're not watching awful 3D we are subjected to hideous acting courtesy of the entire cast, Gossett included. How the hell did this guy win an Oscar? Well that's what I kept asking myself as I watched him stumble and bumble his way through his role as Calvin Bouchard, and don't even get me started on MacCorkindale's "loss to a paper bag" performance here as Fitzroyce, quite possibly the biggest moron who has ever graced a film. Here's an idea, when you are in close quarters with a shark you should probably exit the area as quickly as possible. What does Fitzroyce do? He heads right for the thing's mouth!! Now THAT actually makes sense since by doing so he ends up dead and I am free from his presence for the rest of the film. Sadly it's almost over by the time that happens but I nevertheless enjoyed the nasty crunching sounds the shark made as it was devouring him (well not quite devoured as we will see later).

eio1s7.gif


"Hurry, hurry, if we run fast enough we can get away from this dreadful crap..."

The "plot" for this "film" involves the aforementioned shark(s) attacking Sea World after "sneaking" in through a gate. Huh? Did I miss a meeting or something? I don't see how it would be difficult to find, say, a 35 foot shark in a compound as small as Sea World, but hey, I'm a thinker. Coincidentally two of our heroes, well really one because the other spends the second half of the film acting like a goof with Lea Thompson, happen to be the Brody brothers, Mike and Sean, from the first two films. Clearly they cannot seem to get away from sharks and I question why EITHER of these idiots would ever get near water again considering the traumatic events that they witnessed in both the original and the sequel. Did I mention that a 35 foot shark manages to hide in Sea World, somehow escaping the notice of everyone there? Thought so, just wanted to point it out again because it really does bear repeating. There is some really pointless stuff going on here as well, I mean did I really need to see the water skiing performance twice? If I had to sit through it again couldn't you have at least given me some sharkage action? Nope, because once again this movie decides to totally f*ck with my mind by barely killing anyone. There are only two real onscreen deaths in this film and both are really cheesy, while the others don't even deserve mention because, well frankly they suck and only serve to further piss me off. I did find myself mildly amused at the scene where some park visitors see a badly chewed up body float past a window and the following close up of a girl screaming as she stares straight at it instead of doing the logical thing and turning her head away...great stuff there and a real highlight which is not saying much.

hv2nwz.jpg

"I like big butts and I cannot lie..."

The above photo is seriously my favourite shot in this film though. There is nothing quite like watching an unbelievably fake shark wiggle it's little butt off as it tries to get through an impossibly small window. THIS shot makes the movie worth watching, though I would recommend simply fast forwarding to the last 10 minutes since you'll be saving yourself a lot of grief. There are also several of those hilarious moments you always get in a 3D film, moments I like to refer to as "intentional 3D", where something is shoved at you simply to add another 3D shot to the mix. In this one we have some dolphin snouts, a rotoscoped submersible and even a pirate skeleton hand...oh joy! The end comes in another hilarious moment of crap that has to be seen to be believed. The shark opens it's mouth and we can see inside that it hasn't quite finished off Mr. Fitzroyce yet, he is still in the jaws and, more importantly, still holding an unused grenade in his lifeless hand. Dennis Quaid somehow manages to pull the pin off of this grenade with what looks like a coat hanger and the shark BLOW TO BITS BABY, sending what looks like a completely intact rib cage and some other nondescript "parts" towards the camera. Mercifully this movie has freed me and I wipe the tears away from my eyes as Bess Armstrong and Quaid celebrate their freedom by playing with some dolphins who clearly outact them both here and in every other scene they're in. That's pretty much par for the course in this film though, I found the performances of the dolphins, both sharks and the cowboy hat Sean wears at the start to be the only ones that really added any depth to it. At the end of the day I can unequivocally state that this movie flat out SUCKED THE FAT ONE!!!

2yzev4g.jpg


"Here's an idea Screaming Mimi, STOP F*CKING LOOKING AT IT!!!!"

So should you watch this movie? Well I honestly have to say yes, simply because it's awful and if I had to sit through it so should you. Clearly this was the worst Jaws film so far and actually should have destroyed the franchise permanently but it SOMEHOW managed to rake in something like $87 million on a $20 million budget so of course a sequel was greenlit. A sequel that amazingly managed to TOP the insanity on display here, which is no small feat in and of itself. However we will have to wait to talk about THAT one tomorrow, since I could only handle one of these crapfests a day. So, bottom line, you're probably better off sticking in a copy of the original or it's decent sequel than this one but if you are down with bad rotoscoping, amazingly stealthy 35 foot sharks, obnoxiously lame 3D effects, horrible acting and water skiing you could do much worse than this. Recommended...to avoid. 4/10.
 

Drew

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2011
Messages
3,379
Reaction score
393
Points
83
Age
43
Location
Killeen/Ft Hood, Texas
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

I dont' know why...but I actually enjoyed this movie quite a bit as a child.

I completely forgot it was 3-D at all, lol.
 

TroyTheAverage

Love That Danhausen
Joined
May 19, 2011
Messages
7,580
Reaction score
716
Points
118
Favorite Wrestler
sting
Favorite Wrestler
LDuO6dG
Favorite Wrestler
EtPxwR9
Favorite Wrestler
ArsUxsj
Favorite Wrestler
nwo
Favorite Wrestler
dx
Favorite Sports Team
timberwolves
Favorite Sports Team
xNN1pyG
Favorite Sports Team
MK6AEv8
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Oh how I have missed your reviews. You hit this one head on. I think a 4/10 is a bit high for this turd of a movie. You were being generous today lol. It does make me want to go watch it again and suffer through it since, like you, I had a huge crush on Bess Armstrong and wouldn't mind watching it again just for her.
 

Fuji Vice

Hall of Famer
Joined
May 21, 2011
Messages
25,302
Reaction score
775
Points
118
Age
45
Favorite Wrestler
stanhansen
Favorite Wrestler
brusierbrody
Favorite Wrestler
rickrude
Favorite Wrestler
randysavage
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Thanks Drew and yes Troy, she was fine, of course nudity in any capacity would have raised the rating by 1 point for each set of breasts but sadly there was none. A 4 might be generous but I give the unintentional hilarity a 3.5 and the movie itself a 1, so that's how I came to that number. I should really explain my rating system sometime!!
 

Fuji Vice

Hall of Famer
Joined
May 21, 2011
Messages
25,302
Reaction score
775
Points
118
Age
45
Favorite Wrestler
stanhansen
Favorite Wrestler
brusierbrody
Favorite Wrestler
rickrude
Favorite Wrestler
randysavage
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade​

9fxqma.jpg

After Indiana Jones father Henry goes missing while in pursuit of the fabled Holy Grail, Indy picks up where he left off and goes looking for him. He finds more than he bargained as soon he is in a race against time with evil Nazi's who will stop at nothing to possess the Grail and it's mystical powers. Can Jones reach it first and prevent the Nazi's from raising an army of eternally living soldiers?

33w0dg2.jpg




"How much drug money can I get for this?"​

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is the last film in the trilogy (and should have been the last in the entire series if you ask me) and is an excellent closing chapter. Not only are we introduced to Jones father, we also learn where he got his name from as well as the origin behind his fear of snakes. It reunites several players from the original in a nice roundabout way and really closes out with a bang. Indeed it is a fitting end, filled with memorable moments, great dialogue, and all the rest of the things that make these films so great. Once again directed by Spielberg, this time the script was handled by Jeffrey Boam (Lost Boys, Innerspace, Lethal Weapon 2) from a story by George Lucas. Of course Harrison Ford is back and hasn't lost a step, inhabiting the role of Jones like a comfortable old shirt. I believe his best overall performance as the character is in this film.


1zdlk0p.jpg


"This totally happens EVERY time we go out for dinner.."​

Of course it wouldn't be right to forget Henry Jones, brilliantly played by Sir Sean Connery (um, yeah, I shouldn't have to explain who this guy is right?). Connery puts forth an admirable portrayal and one can honestly believe that these two are father and son. Connery obviously had a lot of fun with the role and he gets in a lot of great moments and lines. We've also got Julian Glover (Doctor Who's City of Death) as the villain Walter Donovan and Allison Doody (cue pedantic laughing over her last name) as his henchwoman Elsa. These villains are good but nowhere near the level of Ronald Lacey or Amrish Puri. There's also good old John Rhys-Davies as Indy's faithful friend Sallah and Denholm Elliot, returning as Marcus Brody. Brody has a hilarious scene in this film right after Indy "talks him up" to the Nazi's. Finally I have to point out that this film features a face to face meeting between Indy and Hitler himself. The best part about this? The guy who plays Hitler is the same guy who played Admiral Ozzel in The Empire Strikes Back. You remember him right? Vader's first choke victim? So not only is Vader the master of Sith lords, he f*cking killed Hitler! Give this man a medal and pin it on his chest protector.

123mt75.gif


"Lord Vader, the fleet has moved out of light speed and we're preparing to GAAAH..."​


Ok, back to the movie as we're looking at some of the more memorable moments. Well there's plenty. To start with, the opening sequence in the cave and subsequently the train car is brilliant and also allows us to see a great performance from the talented young actor River Phoenix (Stand By Me's Chris Chambers) who sadly died a few years later of a drug overdose (what a waste of talent) and never got to realize his full potential. I am not alone in thinking he would have won an Oscar one day, he was excellent. This scene was clearly designed to set up the eventual Young Indiana Jones series that was great but didn't last. There's also a trip through the sewers complete with rats, a great fight on a boat and a high speed chase through a German forest. The movie really picks up when we get onto the zeppelin, the scene that Roxy mentioned regarding the line "No Ticket" of course being the highlight. There is then a plane chase with a remarkably funny ending, as Henry shoos some birds with his umbrella, destroys the plane that was about to shoot them both and then casually walks away as if nothing happened. Connery is great there as he is in an earlier scene where it is implied that both he AND his son slept with the Elsa.

2mk86f.jpg


"Yeah, so I probably shouldn't have poured that acid on my head, but I just couldn't have answered Truth..."​


Once they deal with a desert battle (which is awesome by the way) they finally make their way to the resting place of the Grail. Here Indiana must face three challenges to reach the Grail and save his father, who has been shot by Donovan. These three challenges are totally cool and really keep you on the edge of your seat until they have been completed. Of course the final challenge is the biggest of them all, choosing the Cup of Christ from the large selection on the table. This provides us with our standard "let's scare the crap out of the kids moment" by using an effect on Glover that makes him rapidly age until he simply fades away, but not before busting out the look in the shot above. Indy of course chooses the right cup, saves his dad and indeed the entire day, and the bad guys all get theirs in the end too. A quick props goes out to John Williams, who again rearranged his score to create some whimsical numbers here, particularly during the opening sequence.

i6z7v8.jpg


"If you want my advice I'd suggest driving this thing RIGHT past Kingdom of the Crystal Skull!"

At the end of the day this is a fantastic way to wrap up the trilogy, with Indy, his father and their friends riding off into the sunset to enjoy the fruits of retirement and the knowledge of a job well done. Or were they? No, because Spielberg and Lucas have turned into greedy bastards who will stop at nothing to get your money, as we will see tomorrow. However THIS movie IS great and as I say a fitting end to this particular chapter in the Indiana Jones story. It's got something for everyone, some great acting particularly from Ford and Connery as they share a great dynamic bond, and some awesome action scenes as well. Though I consider it my least favourite of the originals it is by no means a bad movie, and it is one that again, you really have to see at least once in your life. 7.5/10.
 

Drew

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2011
Messages
3,379
Reaction score
393
Points
83
Age
43
Location
Killeen/Ft Hood, Texas
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Actually my favorite of all the Indiana Jones movies...and I know it's weird to say that.

Obviously a great review...as I've said before.
 

Citan

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2011
Messages
1,249
Reaction score
51
Points
48
Age
40
Location
Canada
Favorite Wrestler
kurtangle
Favorite Wrestler
mickfoley
Favorite Wrestler
ajstyles
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Nice reviews, especially the Jaws 3D one, but I love the Last Crusade.
 

TroyTheAverage

Love That Danhausen
Joined
May 19, 2011
Messages
7,580
Reaction score
716
Points
118
Favorite Wrestler
sting
Favorite Wrestler
LDuO6dG
Favorite Wrestler
EtPxwR9
Favorite Wrestler
ArsUxsj
Favorite Wrestler
nwo
Favorite Wrestler
dx
Favorite Sports Team
timberwolves
Favorite Sports Team
xNN1pyG
Favorite Sports Team
MK6AEv8
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Love your reviews Fuji, (yes, I know you know that) and even on movies I don't care for.
 

Fuji Vice

Hall of Famer
Joined
May 21, 2011
Messages
25,302
Reaction score
775
Points
118
Age
45
Favorite Wrestler
stanhansen
Favorite Wrestler
brusierbrody
Favorite Wrestler
rickrude
Favorite Wrestler
randysavage
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Thanks for the kind words everyone, I promise to have the whole lot of them posted once the board does the switchover. I will leave you with Sixteen Candles for today...

Sixteen Candles

Turning sixteen should be the greatest time in Samantha Baker’s life. Unfortunately her entire family, completely occupied with her older sister’s impending wedding, has completely forgotten her birthday. To make matters worse her crush, Jake Ryan, doesn’t know she exists and a strange geek named Farmer Ted keeps making advances towards her. Can Samantha win the affections of Jake, avoid Farmer Ted AND somehow get the birthday wish she really wants?

Continuing with the John Hughes love from yesterday, I am today looking at his film Sixteen Candles, an uproarious teen comedy and perhaps Hughes funniest work. This was actually Hughes first film as director, predating The Breakfast Club by one year. While it is not perfect like that one it is nevertheless entertaining from start to finish and rarely pauses to let one compose themselves from endless laughter. With some off the wall dialogue, a great soundtrack and some truly memorable characters, it is certainly one of the better teen comedies to appear in the 80’s. It also marked the beginning of the John Hughes style of film which would be copied by basically every filmmaker in the teen genre, to limited success. Unfortunately none would ever be as good as the master himself.

The film was written and directed by Hughes (generally he worked alone) and stars his favourite actress, Molly Ringwald (Pretty in Pink, Fresh Horses) as Samantha. Ringwald does a great job encompassing the average teenage girl’s thoughts and emotions (according to Mrs. Fuji anyways) and comes across as completely genuine (something she was very good at in Hughes films). Her crush, Jake Ryan, is played by Michael Schoeffling (Vision Quest, and according to Mrs. Fuji, extremely hot!!) who never really panned out in Hollywood despite having the look to do so. Brother and sister team John and Joan Cusack have small but memorable roles including a hilarious scene from Joan Cusack at a drinking fountain during the school dance (which they are being graded on for Gym class according to Ringwald!!). However there are two standout performances in this film which we will look at shortly, those being Anthony Michael Hall (The Breakfast Club, The Dark Knight) as The Geek AKA Farmer Ted and Gedde Watanabe (UHF) as Long Duk Dong, perhaps the single funniest character ever put on film.

First off though we will be looking at the film itself, as there are several hilarious moments that bear mentioning. Right off the bat we are treated to a funny scene involving some not so difficult chin-up’s and then an awesome boob shot courtesy of Haviland Morris (or a body double but I really don’t care). We are introduced to Samantha’s grandparents (who are delightfully over the top) where she is “felt up” by her grandmother in a hilarious moment, before meeting Long Duk Dong (more on him later). The school dance scene is great as well as the party sequences at Jake’s house. There is a wonderfully funny scene featuring Samantha’s parents and the parent’s of her sister’s fiancée Rudy (a typical garden variety Bo Hunk according to Sam’s Grandpa Fred) with some hilarious dialogue. The finale at the wedding, featuring Samantha’s sister on some high powered muscle relaxants is also great and caps off the movie with a bang. Other scenes that deserve mention are the revealing of Sam’s panties in the washroom and of course Farmer Ted and Caroline trying to drive Jake’s dad’s Rolls Royce while slightly inebriated.

Now that the standard stuff is out of the way let’s take a look at Anthony Michael Hall in the role of Farmer Ted. From the moment he is introduced he does his best to steal every scene he is in, from his hilarious pick up attempt on the bus to his wild dance scene with Ringwald. I love when he sneaks up close to her ear and whispers “I’m just getting warmed up…ha” which makes me piss my pants every time I see it. His conversation with Samantha in the auto shop is also great as are his antics at Jake’s party. I think the funniest moment with him comes in the scene where he is trapped under the glass coffee table. It is simply too funny for words and another great moment from a guy who had many in this film. Hall’s performance was spot on and really showed me his capabilities as an actor, something he improved even more on in The Breakfast Club.

However, the true standout in every sense of the word is Gedde Watanabe in the role of Long Duk Dong. If you thought Farmer Ted had a good introduction nothing will prepare you for Dong’s entrance and the now classic line “What’s a happening hot stuff?”. Watanabe (who by the way is completely American and not ethnic in any way, listen to an interview sometime to see what I mean) does a brilliant job with this character, instantly creating one of if not the most memorable characters in any teen comedy ever. From his butchery of the English language (Grandpa’s “Hyena”!!) to his brilliant line “No more yankey my wanky, the donger need food” every single moment he is on the screen is nothing short of comic perfection. Watanabe is a truly underrated actor because this character could have very easily come across as inane, yet he somehow breathes life into Dong and makes him very realistic even as he is completely over the top.

I also want to quickly point out how awesome the soundtrack in this film is. We are treated to no less than The Vapors “Turning Japanese”, Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell”, David Bowie’s “Young Americans”, Spandau Ballet’s “True” and even the theme from Dragnet. I think it bears mentioning that the songs Kazooed on Klassics (by the Temple City Kazoo Orchestra, look it up if you don’t believe me) and “Wild Sex In The Working Class” by Oingo Boingo are totally awesome and a welcome addition to the above mentioned pieces. In fact we even get a little Night Ranger doing “Rumours In The Air’ AND Stevie Ray Vaughn doing a nice little number called “Lenny”. Jeez, this film is watchable for the SOUNDTRACK alone!!

So it’s not as perfect as The Breakfast Club (as if anything could be) but it is still an enjoyable little 80’s gem and the first film from the master himself, Mr. John Hughes. Ringwald gives a wonderful performance in the lead role, Farmer Ted and the Donger are two of the best characters ever and the ending gives you that feel good moment you’ve been waiting for the whole film while busting out a great 80’s song (The Thompson Twin’s “If You Were Here” in case you cared) so overall it’s certainly worth the effort to seek out if you haven’t seen it. I’ll give it half of Sixteen and go 8/10 for nothing else than Watanabe and Hall’s remarkable performances. Now go see it before you devastate Farmer Ted’s reputation as a dude.


im4chk.jpg
 

Fuji Vice

Hall of Famer
Joined
May 21, 2011
Messages
25,302
Reaction score
775
Points
118
Age
45
Favorite Wrestler
stanhansen
Favorite Wrestler
brusierbrody
Favorite Wrestler
rickrude
Favorite Wrestler
randysavage
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

The Breakfast Club

When five teenagers are forced to spend their Saturday serving detention in school, their typical stereotypes are broken down. As the kids learn more about each other they come to find that they have a lot more in common than any of them thought, including a hatred of their principal, Mr. Vernon.

As I roll back to the 1980’s due to the untimely passing of Randy Savage I felt it would be fun to look at some of the greatest comedies of the decade. If for nothing else they help to take my mind off of how bummed out I am over the loss of one of my heroes. I hit upon the idea when doing UHF and Transylvania 6-5000 over the weekend and have compiled a list of about 15 or so that I will begin reviewing today. So, that means that for the next two weeks, Fuji’s going “Back to the 80’s”. Starting us off today is John Hughes classic, The Breakfast Club, once called “the king of watchable teen movies” by none other than esteemed film critic Leonard Maltin. Hughes seamlessly integrates all the trials and tribulations of being a teenager into one neat, 97 minute package that pulls no punches and offers a remarkably realistic and truthful depiction of all the emotions one goes through in their formative years. It’s not always pretty, but then again neither is growing up, something that Hughes understands completely.

The film, which is also written by Hughes (because he was brilliant you know) stars Emilio Estevez (Stakeout, Mighty Ducks), Anthony Michael Hall (Sixteen Candles…coming tomorrow), Molly Ringwald (Pretty in Pink…coming Thursday), Ally Sheedy (Short Circuit…coming soon, lol, but that’s it, I’m not giving any more away), Judd Nelson (From the Hip) and John Kapelos (Weird Science). Last but certainly not least it features a standout performance from the late Paul Gleason as the principal, Richard Vernon. Gleason, as we will soon see, rivals RJ Fletcher from UHF as one of the absolute all time movie Douchebags and is a wonderful character that comes to represent all the anti-authoritarian views that are shared by teenagers the world over. He is so good in this role that I wonder whether he was actually like this in real life, it is an extremely convincing performance to be sure.

In fact, all of the kids are convincing in their various roles, from Estevez as the Jock to Hall as the typical nerd, from Ringwald as the princess to Nelson as the bad boy. Sheedy is particularly engaging as Allison, the space cadet that everyone knew in high school, giving us some hilarious moments, in particular one where she creates “snow” in a picture she has drawn by shaking the dandruff out of her hair. The emotions are on overload here as well, as several of the characters break down at least once in the film, yet they never come across as hokey or unrealistic. In fact just the opposite occurs, as one genuinely feels compassion for these characters mainly because we have all been, to some extent, in these people’s shoes at one time or another in our teenage lives. Estevez in particular has a gripping scene where he admits his hatred for his father due to being pushed into doing something he doesn’t want to do.

There are also a lot of hilarious moments including the breakout to steal Bender’s dope, the scene where they are all high, including Estevez somehow screaming loud enough to shatter glass!! Now that’s a tough dude right there. However the hilarity is quickly tempered by the emotional imbalance of the main characters, giving us something of a true emotional rollercoaster not unlike the experience one has as a teenager. Hughes somehow managed to make you live the film as if you were a teenager, whether you were one or not. Every one of us can identify with these characters because we were all one of them if not combinations of several. At the end of the day, we are all the same, regardless of our social standing or outward appearances, and that is the message that Hughes gets across remarkably well.

As I said before though, the standout is Gleason, embodying everything that we’ve come to hate about authority figures in general, our parents included. Indeed Gleason’s role as a surrogate parent to the children is one that had to be handled perfectly, and he was certainly up to the task. From his exchanges of dialogue with Bender, to his insulting Estevez for not being able to keep a door open, through his great moment with Kapelos when he is discussing his fear that these children will be the ones taking care of him in the future, Gleason is nothing short of a revelation and the absolute best part of this film. His “mess with the bull and you get the horns” speech is one of the best you will ever hear in an 80’s teen film, and indeed in any film featuring an authority figure undermine the freedom of speech of a subject.

In rating this film I find it hard not to give it a perfect score because it is indeed the perfect teen angst movie and a crowning achievement for Mr. Hughes. That, coupled with the excellent and poignant Simple Minds song “Don’t You Forget About Me” is enough to put it over the top and give it my highest recommendation. If you haven’t seen this film it is very important that you do, as you will come away from it feeling a lot better about yourself and with the realization that, at the end of the day, we are all the same. I leave you with the words written on the essay handed in to Vernon by Brian Johnson (Anthony Michael Hall) and the knowledge that this is indeed a 10/10.

fuus8w.jpg


“Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did WAS wrong. But we think you’re crazy to try and make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us. In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.”
 

Fuji Vice

Hall of Famer
Joined
May 21, 2011
Messages
25,302
Reaction score
775
Points
118
Age
45
Favorite Wrestler
stanhansen
Favorite Wrestler
brusierbrody
Favorite Wrestler
rickrude
Favorite Wrestler
randysavage
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Hello all, just a quick note to let you know that I am currently in the process of uploading all my old photos to Photobucket and will be slowly adding multiple reviews to this page over the next few days. I apologize for the delay in getting these up but it's Brandon's fault for being proactive so blame him!
 

TroyTheAverage

Love That Danhausen
Joined
May 19, 2011
Messages
7,580
Reaction score
716
Points
118
Favorite Wrestler
sting
Favorite Wrestler
LDuO6dG
Favorite Wrestler
EtPxwR9
Favorite Wrestler
ArsUxsj
Favorite Wrestler
nwo
Favorite Wrestler
dx
Favorite Sports Team
timberwolves
Favorite Sports Team
xNN1pyG
Favorite Sports Team
MK6AEv8
Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Damn you Brandon.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1 person