The Wing Kong Exchange (feat. Inferno)

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Fuji Vice

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Hey man, thanks for all those comments, that makes me want to continue doing these things even more than I already do! Glad you saw why I didn't feel the need to overstate Aykroyd or Belushi's contributions to the films. Thanks for the comments in regards to the intrigue I left in the V for Vendetta review, I am attempting to modify my style a bit to do that for every movie. Also, I really don't want to give anything away to people, which is why I focus on things outside of the story. You should definitely check out NCFOM, it is simply superb. Thanks again buddy!
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Maybe one of these days I will. And yes, I do like the new style format.
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Good to know man, I will be making minor modifications and tweaks until I get it just right, but it's nice to know that you are a fan already. Also, I will begin to take requests in short order and am looking at several different theme weeks and series reviews. All in good time though.
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Tombstone

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Marshall Wyatt Earp just wants to settle down and retire in the peaceful dustbowl town of Tombstone, Arizona. Unfortunately for him, the very men he used to hunt have invaded the small town, and these Cowboys will stop at nothing to goad him into a fight. It’s up to Earp, his brothers, and the town dentist, Doc Holliday, to stop these vicious outlaws at any cost, even if it means their own lives.

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"These are NOT nice men..."

Tombstone, released in 1993, is a fact-based Western that is both historically accurate and highly entertaining. No small feat as most historic films tend to fall into the “accurate but boring†category, such as the same year’s “Gettysburg†or 1994’s “Wyatt Earp†(also based on the famous lawman). That is not the case with Tombstone, as it stands head and shoulders above these and other films in both educating and entertaining. The legendary Showdown at the OK Corral has been covered several times (most notably in 1957’s “Gunfight at the O.K. Corral†starring Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas) including an homage of sorts in the original Star Trek series (Spectre of the Gun for those interested) but never before has it been so accurately portrayed as it is here. Add to that an incredibly rich back-story and some wonderful performances and you have the surefire makings of a winner, which this film most definitely is.

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"I'll shoot you before I star in another Escape film Mr. Carpenter!"

Directed by George P. Cosmatos (long considered a “puppet directorâ€, best known for Stallone’s Cobra and 1989’s Leviathan) from a script by Kevin Jarre (the excellent film Glory, The Mummy), the emphasis was put on dramatic and factually correct storytelling while still relying on sensationalism to get the point across to the casual filmgoer. This strategy works very well, particularly when one looks at the overall success of the film both critically and financially, as we will later on. It stars Kurt Russell (possibly my all time favourite actor) as Wyatt Earp, the main protagonist of the film. Lending support on the side of good is Val Kilmer (in a charismatic performance) as Doc Holliday, Sam Elliott (something about this guy just screams WESTERN) as Virgil Earp and Bill Paxton (killed by a Terminator, an Alien AND a Predator…in that order) as younger brother Morgan Earp. On the side of the evil cowboys we have a wonderfully evil Powers Boothe (he’s got the eyes that just make a villain a villain) as Curly Bill Brocius, Thomas Haden-Church (sympathetic Sandman from Spider-Man 3) in an early film role as Billy Clanton, Stephen Lang (best known as super douchebag bad guy in a big robot suit from Avatar) as Ike Clanton and finally, Michael Biehn (the greatest hero who ever lived, Kyle Reese) in a totally against type performance as the psychotic Johnny Ringo.

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"My hero has never looked so crazy."

Every performer is really at the top of their game here, and the end result is a tour de force in the acting department. For starters, Russell plays Earp the way he should be played, a man who is tired of killing and wants nothing more than to retire. Conversely, his foil, played by Boothe, is nothing more than a vicious dog of a man, with no rhyme or reason behind his motivations save for the fact that mayhem brings him pleasure. Kilmer portrays Doc Holliday as an intelligent and calm man, though his subtle demeanor hides the heart of a truly efficient killer. His counterpart, Johnny Ringo, is played with a smoothly insane grace by Michael Biehn. In fact, Biehn is so good in this film I almost didn’t realize it was him initially, as I don’t think I’d ever seen him play an evil character before. However he is indeed quite good at it and his interactions with Kilmer make for some of the best moments in the film, particularly towards the end. The supporting cast are all excellent as well, particularly Elliott, a totally underrated actor who always brings everything he has to the table and Haden-Church, who shows flashes of the talent that would eventually take him all the way to an Oscar nomination (for the film Sideways). All of these actors are completely believable in their roles, which helps when making a factual film.

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"Oh there'll be a showdown, at the OK Corral tonight."

The film itself is beautiful to look at, as Cosmatos and cinematographer Willim A. Fraker (who shot the epic car chase in Steve McQueen’s Bullit as well as the many films including Rosemary’s Baby) treat the old west the way it is meant to be treated. Everything has a dusty, grimy sort of feel, and it really makes the film look and feel authentic. The score, by Bruce Broughton (previously nominated for an Oscar for the excellent score to western film Silverado) is a real highlight as well, captivating the audience with its rhythmic beauty. In fact, it is a real bonus during the famous shootout at the OK Corral scene, and serves to enhance it even further. As for the scene itself, it is quite possibly my favourite single shootout scene in any western ever, no small feat considering I’ve seen close to a hundred of them. The real beauty lies in the fact that the events that take place in the film mimic those that took place in real life, all the way down to how Billy Clanton fell. This is incredible to me, as the attention to detail is second to none and really serves to make this film that much better. Oh, and Russell’s uttering of the curse word right before the shootout begins is a nice touch and though it may not be factual some small part of my likes to imagine that Earp himself would indeed have uttered that word before the shootout commenced.

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"Curly Bill Brocius. I wonder if he's any relation to former Yankee 3rd baseman Scott Brosius?"

Of course the gunfight at the OK Corral is only one of the excellent scenes in this film, which indeed features many. From the opening moments featuring an old newsreel type shot segueing right to the Cowboy’s crashing of a wedding, we know that we are in for a wild ride. The events throughout carry us to the eventual conclusion, and in this time we are treated to some great dialogue, some awesome action, an incredible scene with Charlton Heston and of course the final showdown with Brocius and Ringo. I cannot overstate the importance of the factual basis for this film, as it is something that I have only seen done this well a few times (another example would be the equally brilliant Kevin Jarre written film “Gloryâ€, which I will review at a later date). That, coupled with the great performances and the well paced direction make this a must see western and perhaps the best fact based one of the 1990’s, while Eastwood’s “Unforgiven†would stand as the best “original†western of the decade.

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"I'm your huckleberry...what does that even mean?"

Tombstone was released to mostly critical praise and box office success. It grossed over $56 million dollars in the US and earned the 20th place for the year. The film was also named one of the 5 greatest Western’s ever by True West Magazine. The detractors felt that some of the characters did not receive enough screen time, something that I do not agree with at all. Each player forms a piece of a puzzle that when completed gives us a fantastic film and a truly entertaining experience. So I loved it, and if they didn’t, well that’s their problem. There is a tendency for the film to drag in the middle, and that hurts it a little, but everything else is great and that’s all I can ask for. I would recommend this to any western fan, obviously Kurt Russell fans and anyone who just wants to learn a little about a unique period in Western history while still being completely entertained. 8/10.
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Excellent movie and excellent review. You hit everything spot on, from the characters to the feel of the movie while watching it. I do like that you also added that it was definitely accurate, maybe not 100%, but more to the point that it was close enough to not slow the movie down or take anything away from it. The character descriptions were spot on, and I liked what you added for Bill Paxton, that made me chuckle. The slow parts were minimal, but definitely made the movie hard to watch the first time around. I can see why you gave it a 8/10 just for that and I can't disagree with that score as it is very accurate.
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

THanks for the comments man, yeah, I was trying for a little humour in my actor bio's there, I may start doing that instead of just putting movies they starred in. I felt the accuracy was just right, and as I mentioned, it was a lot better to sacrifice a little of the true Earp story so that it didn't turn into a snoozefest like that Costner one. I think the score reflects the film, so I am glad you agree.

Coming tomorrow, we go back to the 80's for one of the worst babysitting experiences of all time...stay tuned!
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Adventures in Babysitting

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After her date for the night catches a horrible cold, Chris Parker decides to help out the Anderson family by babysitting their kids, Sara and Brad. However all does not go well, as her friend Brenda is stuck in downtown Chicago and needs a lift back home. Chris and the kids set out to pick Brenda up, but a series of misadventures leaves them stuck in the heart of the city. Now this babysitter is going to have the adventure of a lifetime as she tries to find her way back home.

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"You just know whoever drives this car is a huge douchebag."

Released in 1987, Adventures in Babysitting is a light-hearted family comedy with some strong individual performances, a fairly original story and a great soundtrack. So why is it so criminally under-appreciated AND under-seen? In my casual conversation with 80’s film lovers I find this film generally gets little to no love, which is a shame as far as I’m concerned. Combining the idea of an urban adventure film with comedy is not an original concept in and of itself, but this one brings enough unique elements to the table to make it stand out among its contemporaries. It is also a great showcase for some up and coming stars, which is always a good thing. When you combine these elements you have a great film, and one that is well worth checking out.

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"And then he kissed me...."

Directed by Chris Columbus (when I was a kid I always thought it was funny that the man who discovered America found a new career as a writer/director) and written by David Simkins (the man who brought us the brilliant comedy “The Adventures of Brisco Country Jr.â€), the intent was to create a “road†film that kids and teenagers could identify with. In that aspect they succeeded and the end result is a very funny film with some legitimate laugh out loud moments. The main character of Chris Parker is played by Elisabeth Shue (sometimes seen running to congratulate Ralph Macchio, other times seen as a whore on the Vegas strip) who handles the role very well. Her introduction, singing the classic “Then He Kissed Me†by The Crystals is a really good moment and starts the film off properly. We are then introduced to her boyfriend, Mike Todwell, played by Bradley Whitford (who did a double dose of douche in 1987 with this film AND Revenge of the Nerds II). Todwell ditching their date leads to the introduction of the kids, and this is where the fun really begins.

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"I absolutely LOVE the wood panelling on the car, nothing says 80's quite like it."

Maia Brewton (also played a bratty little sister on the awesome “Parker Lewis Can’t Loseâ€) plays the bratty little sister Sara very well. Her love of all things Thor is hilarious, as is her prized Thor helmet. Indeed it is wonderful to imagine what the world must be like through her eyes. Keith Coogan (amazingly starred in another film with “babysitter†in the title a couple of years later…what are the odds of that?) plays the older brother Brad, who just happens to have a crush on Chris. It’s easy to see why because Shue is just so damn likeable and extremely cute. Coogan does an admirable job playing down this crush, though we can tell that deep down inside he wishes he could tell Chris how he feels about her. Finally, Anthony Rapp (known for bizarre dreams about women with Abraham Lincoln’s head) shows up as Daryl Coopersmith, and from the moment he appears on camera pulling the old blowfish window pane gag we can tell he is going to be one of the shining stars of this film. The dynamic and chemistry between these four characters is fantastic and never seems forced to me. Coogan and Brewton totally come off as related and Rapp is just gold as the comedic relief. Shue holds them all together well and plays off each one as she should.

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"This is NOT the type of person you want to see when alone at the bus station."

There are a couple of cameo appearances in the film that deserve mention as well, as they are certainly standout moments. The first is Penelope Ann Miller (I saw her boobies in Carlito’s Way and they were awesome!) as Chris’ friend Brenda, whose antics while stranded in the bus station are nothing short of hilarious. From her dialogue about men shooting a Chinese lady with no pants on to her haggling with a hot dog vendor over a cheque, she is a really hilarious supporting character that totally steals her scenes. The guy who shows her the gun in his pocket is pretty damn funny in his own right and always gets a laugh from me because the way he does the scene is just too funny for words. According to IMDB his name is Allan Merovitz and this is his only film, which makes me think that he may actually have been a crazy man with a gun!! The other cameo that is really cool is the always excellent Vincent D’Onofrio (a man who enjoys the finer things in life like getting beaten with bars of soap and sucking on rifles) as mechanic Dawson, who bears a striking resemblance to Thor. His line to Sara, “keep it kid, I’ve got one of these at homeâ€, as he hands her back her Thor helmet is one of my favourite moments in the film for sure.

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"Looking quite good after eating that bullet, Mr. Vincent D'Onofrio."

Of course those aren’t the only great scenes; there are many others that I found really funny. One is the eventual confrontation between Chris and Mike, who was obviously scamming her to date someone else (that’s NOT a spoiler, a monkey could have figured out THAT plot twist), while there is also a blues number done by Shue in a club that is downright fantastic. In fact I think it may be my favourite moment in the entire film. Speaking of blues (because no one gets out of here without singing them), the film is also filled with some great tunes, blues and otherwise. Edwin Starr’s rocking tune “Twenty Five Milesâ€, Iggy Pop’s “Real Wild Childâ€, The Rolling Stones classic “Gimme Shelter†(probably my single favourite Stones tune) and the beautiful Sam Cooke ballad “Bring it on Home to Me†are all represented here and their placement in the film is superb. The only real issue I had with the film was the somewhat clichéd subplot with the car thieves, but it didn’t detract from my enjoyment in the least. One other thing that I wanted to point out, the film is set in Chicago but was most definitely shot in Toronto. In fact there are several scenes shot right around the corner from where I used to have my office while the blues club is the Silver Dollar (could tell instantly the first time I walked into the place and always think of the scene when I am there now).

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"Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues."​

“Adventures in Babysitting†was interestingly enough the first PG-13 film released by Disney, and it met with modest commercial success, grossing over $34 million on a budget of only $7 million. That success led to a television pilot that starred Brian Austin Green (Megan Fox’s wife) as Daryl. Yeah, can’t figure out why that one didn’t work either! Anyhow, the film also received generally positive reviews and that is why I am shocked that less people know of it. I hope that has all changed with this review and I implore you all to seek this film out as it is well worth watching. While it suffers from some (at times) lackadaisical direction and a partically clichéd story, it never fails to entertain and that is the bottom line. I’m willing to go 7.5/10 here because any film where a bald Chinese lady with no pants on gets shot (even if it was off-screen) totally deserves it. Recommended for 80’s film fans everywhere.
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Two excellent reviews for two great movies...I hadn't seen Adventures in so long...I had no idea that" Thor" was Vincent....hilarious.... and Tombstone is one of my favorite westerns (do Silverado next) and Curly & Ringo are two of my favorite bad guys in any movie ever..
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Thanks for the comments sir, they are much appreciated. I didn't know it was D'Onofrio until I was watching it a couple of years ago and suddenly went "whoa, that's Vincent D'Onofrio" or something to that effect. Curyl Bill and Ringo are indeed two of my favourite film bad guys, and easily take the third and fourth spots on my list of top western bad guys. Ain't nobody better than Lee Van Cleef and Eli Wallach though.
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

And silver ado review coming?
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Wow I think it has been since 1987 since I had seen that movie. I don't even really remember much of it. I didn't know that D'Onofrio was in it and that Anthony Rapp was in it. I had to just go to IMDb just to make sure. Great review as usual sir, I enjoyed it. I think I may have to find this movie to watch again because I can't remember a thing about it.
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Thanks dude, glad to hear you enjoyed the review. You guys are making me blush! Anyhow, yeah, I would recommend going back and watching it again, there are some wonderful moments and since I know how you feel about 80's films its perfect for you.
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Shutter Island


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In 1954, U.S. Marshall Teddy Daniels is sent to Shutter Island to investigate the disappearance of a murderous woman. What he finds is intrigue and conspiracy, as he is hampered in his investigation at every turn. Can he learn the terrible secret of Shutter Island before it’s too late?


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"Oooh...foreboding and ominous..."

Martin Scorsese, director of such brilliant classics as Raging Bull and Goodfellas, here tackles the excellent novel “Shutter Islandâ€, by noted author Dennis Lehane. The result is a brilliant piece of direction and a great showcase for its lead and supporting cast. Unfortunately it also suffers from a few things that could be deemed unnecessary, and that is a shame, as the film could have been one of Marty’s best. As it stands it is still an excellent piece that does deserve credit for attempting to put to film an impossibly challenging novel that really does do a great job in warping the minds of its readers. Scorsese was clearly going for that effect in his film version here, and it shows.


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"Why didn't you tell the producers to hire ME to play Prince of Persia? I'm so much better than Jake Gyllenwhateverhisnameis!!!"

Scorsese directs the film from a screenplay written by Laeta Kalogridis, an enigma who wrote the incredible film Night Watch (if you haven’t seen it get to it because it is phenomenal) and followed it up with the unbelievably horrid Pathfinder. Here she shows a little of the restraint that made the Night Watch screenplay so good, which is a bonus because this story in the wrong hands really could have veered off into the insane. Well to be honest it does anyways, but by the time it happens we as viewers are so engrossed in what is happening that we really don’t care and just sit back to enjoy the rest of the ride. It is also extremely well shot by Robert Richardson (longtime Scorsese and Tarantino collaborator and possibly the best DOP in the business today). His hauntingly beautiful lighting techniques really add to the overall feel of the film, while some of his camera angles lend a stark surrealism to the events which are unfolding before our eyes.


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"This is my intense face, I use it in Inception too!"

Clearly strong acting talent was required to pull this off, and Scorsese assembled one of the better cast’s I’ve seen in awhile. Leonardo DiCaprio (Inception) plays the lead role well, though I find he has a tendency to seem reserved as a Detective character, as opposed to being an overt Inspector sort. There is a reason for this of course, though I won’t spoil that for anyone who hasn’t seen the film. In support of him we have the equally talented Mark Ruffalo (The Kids are Alright and a man I believe is on the verge of becoming a mega star) as his partner, Chuck Aule. We also have Sir Ben Kingsley (Sexy Beast and one of the best actors of this generation) as Dr. John Cawley, the defacto head of the psychiatric facility, Ted Levine (The Silence of the Lamb’s Buffalo Bill) as the warden of the facility, Jackie Earl Haley (the new Freddy Krueger) as a patient, while Emily Mortimer and Patricia Clarkson show up in somewhat of a dual role that again I cannot give away too much information about. Elias Koteas (completely underrated actor who may be best known for playing Casey Jones in the live action TMNT film) shows up in an integral role and brings his special talents to the forefront here.


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"Beavis when he reaches middle age...heh heh, FIRE FIRE!!"

It is extremely difficult for me to go into a lot of detail about the plot in this film, as one could possibly learn the outcome of the events from even the most minimal piece of information. That being said, it is certainly a rollercoaster of emotional depth with some terrific scenes and some nifty little plot devices thrown in for good measure. The use of the lighthouse is particularly well done and Scorsese does a good job of making it feel like a foreboding place, which it most certainly is. One thing I can mention without giving anything away is that the film itself plays almost like Martin Scorsese’s love letter to the great Alfred Hitchcock. A lot of moments and shots in this film are reminiscent of Hitch’s style and even the general plot follows like a film that the master himself may have undertaken. Indeed the source material as well seems almost like a book that would have intrigued Hitchcock and that in and of itself is a great thing. When the film is over we find ourselves divided on the events we have just seen, as a question is posed to the viewers that leaves the floor open for debate. Obviously I cannot state this question here but if anyone else has seen the film I will gladly discuss the meaning behind the ending with them in private.


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"Well on the bright side it COULD have turned out like that scene in The Shining...ugh!"

Now, the more difficult part of assessing this film comes in the idea behind the twist ending (which is obvious to some, not so much to others). I have thought long and hard about how I feel in regards to the ending and I think I have come to the conclusion that it is better than some say. On the one side you have a group of people who argue that the film could just as easily have drawn to a logical conclusion without the twist, while others say that the twist is what makes the film what it is. On my initial viewing I fell into the second category and after re-watching it today I feel even more strongly that it was the right thing to do. As Scorsese was adapting the source material as closely as he could, there would have been no reason to go the other direction, and I for one am very happy that he did not. While I found the twist in question to be utterly predictable from about 12 minutes into the film, it did not hamper my viewing experience in the least. Of course I already knew what the twist was, having read the novel prior to viewing the film, but I believe that many others who have not read the book would have picked up on what was going to happen as well. That does not hamper the film in the least, as sometimes it’s interesting to know what the twist will be while still attempting to figure out how it is all going to come together, something that I found worked really well in this film.


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"Yes, I am a SEXY BEAST. What, you thought otherwise?"

Shutter Island met with mostly positive reviews, though some critics felt that Scorsese had gone a little overboard in his homage to Hitchock and even mentioned that sometimes the master himself made duds. This did not hurt it’s box office as the film grossed a staggering $294,803,014 worldwide, making it Scorsese’s most financially profitable film, no small feat considering the works this man has done. While it may not have wowed some as much as others the simple fact remains that this thriller is done properly and is done by a director who truly is one of the best who has ever yelled “Actionâ€. That alone should be enough to get you watching this film, but the acting and the cinematography, along with an excellent soundtrack help as well. It is by no means a perfect film, and the predictability of the twist does hurt it somewhat, but I feel that I can give it an 7.5/10 in good conscience. Recommended for Hitchcock fans and those who like a little enigmatic story to go along with their love of great acting.
 

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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

Conan the Barbarian

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After his family and people are slaughtered by a ruthless warlord, young Conan is sold into slavery. Over time the boy becomes a strong man and a vicious fighter. Eventually he is set free, and after joining up with a vagabond and a warrior woman, he embarks upon a quest for revenge.


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"Yeeeearrrgh!!"

Conan the Barbarian, released in 1982, is notable for several reasons. It was the first major theatrical starring role for Arnold Schwarzenegger (who has gone on to be a little successful), it sparked a renaissance for “sword and sorcery” type films (which would continue throughout the 1980’s) and it proved that comic books do indeed provide suitable source material for screenplays. It is also a pretty good movie in its own right, with an epic feel, a sweeping score and a fantastic villain. While it has spawned countless imitators (and a remake is on the way shortly as well) the original is still the best, as is usually the case with these sorts of films. While it may not be the brilliant masterpiece that the producers had hoped for, it still warrants attention from film fans everywhere.


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"The true King of Kings, screw Triple H."


Written and directed by John Milius (this guy is a legend whose screenplay credits alone include Dirty Harry, Magnum Force, Apocalypse Now and even the Robert Shaw USS Indianapolis dialogue from Jaws!) with additional help from Oliver Stone (heard of him before?) the film was off to a great start. Having that kind of talent behind the scenes would really help, and once they secured Basil Poledouris to score the film the sky was certainly the limit. Obviously they needed a big, muscular guy to play the titular character and they went to a hungry young actor who was out to prove his worth in the Hollywood scene. Since we know how that turned out there is no point in mentioning it further, but it is interesting to see Schwarzenegger in his first major role. While they were still not giving him a lot of lines he makes the most of the dialogue he does get, and indeed his classic line in regards to what is best in life, “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentation of the women” is delivered with bravado. Arnold is also quite comfortable swinging his big swords and bashing people to death, as would be expected from one of such stature. He also has some moments of humour, particularly in a scene where he is attempting to con an obviously homosexual priest. While he was not quite there yet in terms of his acting ability, he does a serviceable job in the lead role here.


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"Yes, women covered in warpaint are very, very sexy."

There is also a good supporting cast, including Mako (beaten up by Chuck Norris and lived, also beaten up by Wonder Woman and David Carradine), who plays both the narrator of the film as well as a wizard, Gerry Lopez (world champion surfer, no I am serious) as Conan’s friend Subotai, the beautiful Sandahl Bergman (and who didn’t get a stiffy to her as a child huh?) as Conan’s love interest Valeria, Max Von Sydow (known for having heart attacks while playing Priest’s performing exorcisms) as King Osric, William Smith as Conan’s father (who isn’t really in the film for very long but has a great dialogue with young Conan and also a wild death scene) and James Earl Jones (AKA the man I want to do my answering machine greeting) as the chief antagonist, Thulsa Doom. Each of these actors brings something special to the film, and their interactions with Schwarzenegger really help to make the young actor seem comfortable in his first lead role. Lopez and Bergman in particular have some wonderful scenes with Arnold, and their chemistry is seemingly effortless, which is remarkable considering none of them could really be considered great actors by any stretch of the imagination. Regardless, they all do a good job lending an air of believability to a film that is based in a Hyborian Age fantasy world.


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"Look into my eyes my dear, hey come on I'm Darth freaking Vader, do it now!"


James Earl Jones must be credited for his awesome performance as Doom though, as it is he who helps carry the film and draw it to its eventual conclusion. He is nothing short of spectacular here, and quite simply steals every scene he is featured in. From the opening moments where he seemingly hypnotizes young Conan’s mother before decapitating her to his incredibly subtle tone of voice when explaining the riddle of steel to Conan before simply waving his hand and causing a woman to leap to her death, he commands your attention at all times. Of course his voice is part of what makes him great (would you expect anything less from the guy who also did Darth Vader?) and some of the dialogue that he is given is particularly well written. In fact, my personal favourite line in the entire film is one that always scared me as a child, because it is delivered with a subtle undertone of anger that really comes across as chilling. “Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark. Now they will learn why they fear the night.” On paper it doesn’t seem so bad, but listening to his delivery of it can still elicit the odd chill up one’s spine, and that is the true sign of greatness.


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"This is not shoe-polish dammit, who do you think I am, Felix Maxwell?"

The film is quite the sweeping spectacle as well, from the opening scenes featuring a sword being forged all the way through to the climactic end battle. In between we are treated to so many amazing things, like some seriously old school pit fighting, battles with giant snakes, Thulsa Doom actually turning INTO a snake (an effect that looks remarkably good considering the time period in which the film was made), soe crazy lighting effects during a messed up sex scene (actually Arnold himself points out on the commentary track that he felt he got laid a lot in the film!) and so much more. Another thing I want to mention is that if you have not seen this film while listening to that commentary track you quite simply haven’t lived. Milius and Schwarzenegger are clearly drunk from the get go (where Arnold makes a hilarious Richard Simmons joke while you hear ice cubes clanking around in their obviously half full glasses) and they make for an absolutely hilarious duo when talking about the film. From their argument about whether young Conan is wearing lipstick to their hilarious conversations about the supporting cast and crew members, it is nothing short of comedy gold and it’s an incredible bonus on the Special Edition DVD, so definitely check it out for that alone. Finally, I would like to make special mention of the score to this film, as Poledouris did a remarkable job capturing the perfect sound and really enhanced the overall feel to make everything seem more epic than it already did.


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"I always said Thulsa Doom was a slippery one but this is taking it to the extreme!"

Conan the Barbarian did quite well at the box office, pulling in over $68 million dollars while garnering decent reviews. This success obviously led to a sequel, which while not as good, was still entertaining. It also led to a bunch of decent to awful “sword and sorcery” films over the next few years and of course brought Arnold Schwarzenegger to the forefront of Hollywood. He would star in a couple more of these type of films before finally taking on a project where he played a cyborg sent back in time to kill a woman named Sarah Connor, and the rest as they say is history. Conan is not a great film by any means, but what works in it works extremely well and it never does anything short of entertain its audience. As far as “popcorn” films go, it is up there with some of the best, and that is the most important thing here. While it has flaws, there is no reason not to check it out, especially with that commentary I mentioned above, as it is the best of the “sword and sorcery” genre and a fantastic spectacle. 7.5/10.
 
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Re: The Wing Kong Exchange

and who didn’t get a stiffy to her as a child huh?

I started laughing and had to read it three times. Best line ever in one of your reviews.

Great review. I haven't seen this movie in forever, and now I want to go watch it again. If only to get a stiffy to Sandahl Bergman as an adult. What else can be said about your review, tis great as usual. I'm glad you do them, they are awesome to read, and a lot of times makes me remember movies I have otherwise forgotten.