Not quite a year yet. And all the changes I planned on making, well I've basically already gone back to being me. Drinking and smoking (cigarettes obviously. Fuck that weed bullshit, tried it once and wont try it again lol) as much as ever, possibly more. After reading the past page of this, I'll go back to your point of taking away the excuse. Right now i have no excuse. And honestly no reason, either. Dead set on moving back to Texas to live with a few friends in April, maybe things can change then. But honestly at this point in my life... why bother? Not even like in an emo depressed self pity way. Just like... idk. I feel like my life is just gonna do or be whatever it wants anyway, why try to change anything? If I was really depressed enough, I'd have already killed myself, and if I was happy, I'd probably be drinking or smoking anyway. I think a big part of the reason I drink is to just enhance whatever emotion I have at the time. Helps me be depressed more, helps me be happy more... It's like a way of me trying to really get in super touch with my emotions, for better or worse, Yknow? Or maybe I just simply have a problem. But honestly it's not a problem I'm willing to get rid of at the moment.
Anyway, the thing I was gonna originally come back to this post for, for the one or two people who still pay attention to it and give a fuck... you guys have any generally happy songs that for whatever reason really get you down? Like, depressing memories associated with it or something like that. Obviously I don't want anyone to share anything they're not comfortable sharing. It was just something I was thinking about earlier. Like, All Summer Long by Kid Rock makes me think about a girl I could have ended up with and my life would have turned out so much differently than it has. Maybe for good, maybe for bad. Obviously will never know. But I get thinking about that anytime I hear that song
When I drink, I get really annoying. I have to admit there are times when I have been watching wrestling and got a bit buzzed. Very soon after I became a mod, I was not actually doing anything here. I was with my boyfriend and brother (RIP) and they were smoking weed (which I also do not like) and I was having a lot of wine so I was pretty wasted because my brother used to always insist that I drink a lot when he is there. A member sent me a message and there was a BIG pier 6 brawl going on in the fantasy wrestling section. I have almost no memory of it, but apparently I was talking to @Solid Snake who told me to act like a mod and shut it down. I called her "Brit" too. That's something I will tell you. I do not call people by their names. I don't call anyone by their names, it makes me uncomfortable. And not only did I call her by her name, I called her a casual version of her name.
I think I was drunker than Aids that night. And please keep in mind it is not something I do often. But when I do, I tend to listen to inspirational music. I will listen to Johnny Cash, John Denver. When I start listening to Seasons in the Sun, you have to send me to bed.