Great news everyone! TMNT is going to suck harder than we thought.
TURTLES FANS, REJOICE!
Were you concerned dear Turtles fan that Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Alien Robots or whatever it's titled was going to be a big giant mess, with Bay taking the franchise less seriously than he did with Transformers? Then fear not, for the superb acting talent of Megan Fox has joined the cast as April O'Neil, the Turtles' trusted friend and reporter. Reports that April will have a new role working for a stereotypical (see racist caricature) Latino network are as yet unconfirmed.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Fox has reconciled her differences with Bay, whom she once referred to as Hitler (personally I think she was way off the mark, he's definitely more of a Dickens). However, what won her over to the project was a meeting with director Jonathan Liebesman, who "wowed" her with bright, shiny storyboards that no doubt involved Raphael removing his shell, placing 4000 lbs of C4 in it and sliding it across the floor towards a group of alien Foot Clan members. EPIC EXPLOSION!
Ninja Turtles is set to explode onto screens in May of next year. COWABUNGA!
Now for the story of Megan Fox career.
At the age of 16 she was discovered by casting agents and Micheal Bay who decided she'd make for a great stripper in Bad Boys 2.
Six years later she went back to Bay hoping for another job in Transformers. Bay of course one never to miss an oppurtunity insisted upon blowjobs and the occasional fuck session for her to get the job. She agreed. Tranformers 2 came around and again they decided to keep the deal in place.
Time for transformers three.
Megan: Micheal I really don't like the taste of Penis.
Bay: You know the rules suck my penis or no movie.
Megan: Fine then no penis it taste like dick anyway.
Megan then missed out on the jaw dropping epic turd that was Transformers 3. She was saddened deeply by missing such a profound piece of trash. Hearing the news that Bay was doing turtles she knew she couldn't miss out.
Megan: I need to do this film Micheal.
Bay: You know the deal.
Megan: Suck your penis?
Bay: Yup!
Megan: It's not that I don't like your penis it's penis in general I don't like sucking any of them.
Bay: Right.
Megan:Well what if I put caramel syrup on it?
Bay: Cowabunga!