Summarize and Rate the Last Movie You Saw

[Pete]

Snow White And The Huntsman 3.5/5
Surprisingly decent Kirsten Stewart vehicle which liberally rips off Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings and Kingdom of Heaven on its way to a good story. Unlike what the Burtonesque poster would have you believe, this is not a dark fantasy; rather, it is a medieval quasi-epic which aims for a degree of realism, with its grimy, muddy kingdom and a dishevelled, ragged Snow White, who most definitely does not sing to birds and bunnies, and is one step away from descending into madness. In this regard, Kristen Stewart is perhaps THE surprise of the movie, playing a self-sufficient, strong-willed woman who is as far from Bella Swan as from the 'traditional' Snow White of the fairy tales - and yes, Ms Stewart even closes her mouth a handful of times throughout the film! Opposing our pure-hearted heroine is a delightfully hammy Charlize Theron, as Cersei Lan...errrrm, Ravenna, the obligatory Wicked Queen (and yes, she does have a blond evilton of a brother, played by someone who looks remarkably like Mr. Kennedy, but isn't). The cast is rounded out by a surly, glowering Chris Hemsworth (looking like a dishevelled, Scots-accented cross of Mark Wahlberg and Brad Pitt) and Jon Sn...I mean, WILLIAM, Arya's...I mean, SNOW's childhood friend and the Duke's son. Along the way, they meet the Seven Dwarves (what, you thought they wouldn't be here?) and engage in a couple of other moments from the fairytale, but the film essentially gives up being a straight retelling about halfway through.

And that. in the end, is the main problem with this flick - it seems to not know exactly what it wants to be. Behold how, after an hour of painstakingly setting up that it is NOT a Disney princess movie, it suddenly lapses into twenty minutes or so of...being a Disney princess movie, complete with tweeting birds, verdant woods, and cute CGI pixies. The diversion is ultimately pointless (other than to hammer in that Snow is, y'know, SPECIAL) and almost ruins what is otherwise a satisfyingly grown-up movie. At certain points, Ravenna also seems to be slightly overpowered (she can apparently teleport) and like she should not have this much trouble disposing of Snow White - her ultimate flaw is that she stalls, for some unexplained reason. Otherwise, the bad guys could have easily won.

None of this, however, detracts from what is a lightweight, but ultimately enjoyable movie experience. In the pantheon of impressive movies I've seen lately, this one falls firmly behind Avengers and Rise of The Planet of The Apes; but it is still better than most of the tripe that passes for entertainment these days.

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Bad Company 1.5/5
Chris Rock pseudo-action-comedy which commits the biggest sin possible for a movie of this genre: to be utterly, hopelessly boring. The editing is sloppy and confusing, performances are disinterested, the story is a mess, and nothing ever clicks the way it should. The only effect this has on the viewer is to make them wonder when the hell it is going to be over. BAD company indeed.

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Collateral 2/5
A massive snore of a pseudo-thriller, which thinks it has something profound to say, but doesn't. Its running time of under two hours feels like twice that much, and it is a VERY bad sign when it takes the DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY to help the viewer make sense of the story. The only enjoyment one will derive from it is bound to come from uncontrollably laughing at Tom Cruise running around with frosted hair thinking he's convincing as a hardened killer-for-hire. Uh, Tom...? Nope.

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Top Cat 1.5/5
A sadly failed attempt at a trip down memory lane, hampered by incredibly awkward Flash animation, CGI which looks straight out of a budget-range PS2 title (or Saturday morning cartoon), and jokes that are as old hat as the one on the title character's head (some of which are even painstakingly EXPLAINED - fail, movie!). This is the kind of flick where someone will get struck by lightning, then say "it's a good thing lightning never strikes twice in the same place", and three guesses as to what happens next (the first two don't count). Not that there would be anything wrong with that, if it worked - but it doesn't. The voice work is competent (the actors do their best to emulate the original cast, even if there are very noticeable differences) and there's even a reenactment of the iconic opening, complete with the classic tune. Sadly, all of this is hampered by the horrid animation and drab story, making for an altogether unsatisfying 75 minutes. At one point in the film, a character states that "this is a new world, Top Cat, and there's no place in it for you!"; in a sadly ironic piece of meta-irony, his exact words can be applied to this movie itself.

 

[Keith]

Damsels In Distress (2012) 7.5/10
Indie maverick Walt Stillman returns with a twisted and surreal take on high school life and politics. The story follows a group of attractive girls who run a centre for depressed students considering sucuide and to safe them they encourage them to tap dance and enter computation. The girls start hanging out with a slightly more open thinking who challenges some of their beliefs along with those of other sub-cultures. A number of strange subplots are set off against each other as a result. This won't be to everyones liking. It is a bit slow in places, the humour might feel a bit flat or too abstract for some, however I liked the deadpan deliverly and just how strange it was compared to other high school films. It balanced the darker elements nicely with the farcical ones. There were nice little twists to the characters along the way, the colours
were brightly lite and the acting was mostly good, including another fine performance from Greta Gerwig (Greenberg).

Shame (2011) 9/10
Second time I have seen this now revisting it on DVD and I would say it is even better second time around. The power and raw emotion of Michael Fassbender is amazing, he is able to convince as a senstive every day guy one minute and as a disturbed, cold animal the next. Him and Carey Mulligan feed off each other perfectly. The menacing protrayl of New York is key to the heart of the film, it is a bleak uncomprmising film, with the odd nicely observed comic moment. It has truly haunting atmosphere throughout and builds to a beautiful yet sad climax. Not a lot happens throughtout the course of the story, but it is the gaps which make you think the most.

The Exterminating Angel (El Angel Exterminating) (1962) 8/10
One of Luis Bunuel's best known films follows a group of upper class characters at the party who are provected from leaving by a number of strange happenings concerning the host. It is a very funny, dramatically engaging film, with beautiful photography and some wipe comic set pieces.

 

[Pete]

Diary Of A Wimpy Kid 3.5/5
Engaging, lightweight piece of fun for the kids. While not the most dramatically taxing of movies, it succeeds in talking to its audience (anyone who's been in seventh grade will identify with either Greg or Rowley) and keeps the simple plot moving along nicely, while delivering a commendable lesson: that often, being your goofy, dorky self beats doing anything to fit in. While this sentiment sadly does not apply to "real" middle school, anyone watching this movie from a grown-up perspective will see just how right the morals are. I am sad to say that, at 12, I was a little bit like Greg, although nowhere near as unlikable - this movie goes to great lenghts to make us cheer for Rowley, and when Greg's big morality speech at the end is duly ignored by the school at large, one can't help but laugh; Greg had it coming! At the same time, one also gets the sinking feeling that - unlike what most movies tell us - one individual cannot change the majority mindset; middle school will always be a haven for cliques and silly rules, and that is very unlikely to change, regardless of how many kids come to this conclusion (the point is also illustrated with Greg's shunning of Angie - clearly the kind of unjudgemental, personable girl you fall in love with when you're older - as someone not to be talked to, for fear of compromising one's position in the social ladder).

If there is one flaw to the movie, it is that the kids in it - from Greg to spoiled brat/tomboy Patty right down to mature free-thinker Angie - are 'sitcom kids', and the whole thing feels, at times, like an extended episode of something that could have played on Nick or the Disney Channel. Still, one doesn't realize this until after the movie is over - while it plays, it is a fully satisfying and engrossing experience, even for someone outside of the demographic.

 

[Keith]

With Nail and I (1987) 9/10
Classic cult films. Excellent script, soundtrack, filming and Richard E Grant's most vivid and touching performance.

 

[Killswitch]

The Perfect Host - This movie is why I watch movies. It was entertaining, the time flew by, I didn't know what to expect the whole time and it was quite witty at times. Bit of humor, bit of action, bit of drama. And of course, plot twists. I just loved the story. The acting might have been a bit better but the story is brilliant. 4/5

 

[Pete]

Cool Runnings
Not even going to attempt to rate this one, it's a childhood classic, you've all seen it, and you all know what it's about.

"Sanka...are ya ded?"
"Yah, mon!"

 

[Keith]

Roman Holiday (1953) 6.5/10
Passible comedy featuring Audrey Hapburn's film debut. I expected more of a sweeping romance with a bit of black comedy thrown in, but it turned out to be a slightly muddled comedy of misunderstandings which was a little too slow getting going. Nicely acted through and funny enough.

 

[Keith]

Possession (2002) 3/10
Truly dire.

 

[Pete]

Napoleon Dynamite 3.75/5
A decent nerd comedy that, while not holding a candle to the classics of yore (Revenge of The Nerds et al) does manage to entertain and never drags throughout its relatively short duration. The movie's main asset is the way it never overstates itself - this could easily have been a Farrellesque grossout comedy, but is instead a quiet slice-of-life movie about a guy who's not having a very good time in life.

Likewise, unlike other specimens of the genre, the film never seeks to make fun of its characters - Napoleon and Kip are clueless nerds, sure, but they're not ridiculed or put on the spot - not even, surprisingly enough, by their peers. When the movie introduces an "online girlfriend" for one of the characters, for instance, one starts to telegraph all the predictable punchlines for that storyline - and then it turns out to be none of them, and it is immensely gratifying (if more than a little unrealistic). Similarly, the movie does not go for the heartstrings, asking the viewers to feel sympathy for characters who are not doing anything to change their situation; instead, it rewards them only when they are proactive (such as when Pedro runs for class president, or when Napoleon willingly puts himself on the spot at the end). As a result, it feels more real than others of its ilk - after all, in real life, things only happen when you enable them - and makes us sympathise with the characters at those specific moments.

If there is anything to be held against the movie, is its randomness. There's no real plotline here, just a collection of loosely related scenes. And while that does succeed in making the movie feel more real - after all, since when is there a plotline in life? - it doesn't translate well to a medium which normally has a very well-defined three-act structure. In the end, however, "Napoleon Dynamite" is still more "Freaks And Geeks" than "American Pie", and well worth a look by movie nerds everywhere.

 

[Keith]

Even the Rain (2012) 8/10
A deeply powerful, and moving political movie about a film crew who start filming a movie based on Christopher Columbus in Bolivia, but when they start using locals as extras things get complicated when they protest against plans to privatise their water supply. The film successfully explores the themes of how far a director will go to see through his artistic vision even at the expense of innoccent people, it also looks at when the lines blur between acting and real life as well as the very real issues of proverty and enquality. It is visually thrilling and has compelling performances and kept me right on the edge of my seat throughout. One of the best films I have seen so far this year.

 

[Keith]

Moonrise Kingdom (2012) 7.5/10
A return to the charming innoence and character driven comedy of Wes Anderson's early films like the Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums, althrough it isn't quite in their leagues. The film is engaging visually, the child leads are very likeable and there is a strong supporting cast with Bill Murray, Bruce Willis and Edward Norton amongst others giving fine performances. The script is very witty, but in an oddball kind of way, and some of the rare darker moments are nicely weaved in too.

 

[Heisenberg]

Chronicle (2012) 7.5/10

Three teenagers, Andrew, Matt and Steve make a massive discovery in the woods when they find some sort of weird artifact or thing from outer space that gives them telepathic powers. The movie is pretty good. It is entertaining and engaging, and it keeps you watching. It had it's fair share of comedy which I liked when they were doing pranks people but then it switched, and it became mostly a drama/thriller movie. The characters are very likable and you can really get into them. The main character Andrew is more of a loner and very tragic, but somewhat relatable to many and then his cousin Matt is also a good character and the third character, Steve, is also very good. I liked Steve a lot. The ending to me sort of lacked closure and I was expecting more but nether the less it's a really good movie. Great characters, a great story and great use of the found footage style makes it an overall great movie. And it had perfect editing and unbelievable special effects.

 

[The_King]

Red State (7/10).
Hesitant going into this movie because I'm not a fan of Kevin Smith, but it was really good. Basic concept, three teens answer a hooker's ad for a four way, and it ends up the hooker is a part of a Phelp's-esque church. The church holds a service to make the three pay for their sins until the police show up, leading to a confrontation. It sounds dumb, but it's a pretty good social commentary on extreme Christianity and the government.

 

[Deezy]

Chronicle (2012) 7.5/10

Three teenagers, Andrew, Matt and Steve make a massive discovery in the woods when they find some sort of weird artifact or thing from outer space that gives them telepathic powers. The movie is pretty good. It is entertaining and engaging, and it keeps you watching. It had it's fair share of comedy which I liked when they were doing pranks people but then it switched, and it became mostly a drama/thriller movie. The characters are very likable and you can really get into them. The main character Andrew is more of a loner and very tragic, but somewhat relatable to many and then his cousin Matt is also a good character and the third character, Steve, is also very good. I liked Steve a lot. The ending to me sort of lacked closure and I was expecting more but nether the less it's a really good movie. Great characters, a great story and great use of the found footage style makes it an overall great movie. And it had perfect editing and unbelievable special effects.

The effects in the movie were good, I didn't like the main character at all. He was such an Eeyore about everything I started to even think he deserved a daddy beating. The fact that he turned into an asshole towards the end is just another reason why bullied kids need tough love.

5/10 imo.

 

[Heisenberg]

The effects in the movie were good, I didn't like the main character at all. He was such an Eeyore about everything I started to even think he deserved a daddy beating. The fact that he turned into an asshole towards the end is just another reason why bullied kids need tough love.

5/10 imo.

Yeah he was really starting to piss me off and then what happened with the other guy in the sky. I hated him after that. Oh and I loved the football scene they did earlier on in the movie. That was sick.