SHIT Debut Show: King SHIT
Preliminary Qualifiers
Earthquake (Barry) vs. Scott Hall (Cwalker)
Hall gets Quake up for the Outsider's Edge but falls halfway through. Quake turns Hall over, delivers a NASTY Earthquake Splash, and qualifies.
Winner: Earthquake - Time: 9:41
Roddy Piper (Lethal) vs. Orange Cassidy (Wiseman)
After a fairly even match, Piper slaps on a sleeper... and OC just doesn't bother trying to fight out. He'd rather not go through 3 more tournament matches anyway.
Winner: Roddy Piper - Time: 12:59
Crush (BattleTank) vs. Viscera (Chris)
Crush has taken out Viscera's knee early, but he keeps going for slams and it just doesn't work! Finally, he decides to go for the Kona Clutch and Viscera eventually taps.
Winner: Crush - Time: 10:41
First Round
Maven (BSE) vs. Earthquake (Barry)
Just as he did to the Undertaker in 2002, Maven manages to get Earthquake out of the ring. He lands badly and loses by count-out.
Winner: Maven - Time: 6:16
Haystacks Calhoun (#RSF) vs. Jey Uso (Butters)
Jey dominates early and hits a top rope splash... but Haystacks kicks out at 1! He then drags Jey to the corner, and does a top rope splash of his own! The ring collapses under his colossal 600-pound frame. When the dust settles, all anyone knows is Jey can't continue.
Winner: Haystacks Calhoun - Time: 4:20
No Ropes Gym Mat Match
Umaga (RDT) vs. James Ellsworth (Sabs)
This is an impromptu No Ropes match while they fix the ring, taking place on a gym mat backstage. Umaga dominates, hitting three Samoan Spikes in a row followed by a pop-up Samoan Drop to win in quick fashion.
Winner: Umaga - Time: 1:46
No Ropes Gym Mat Match
Bad News Brown (Booty) vs. Rene Dupree (Beavie)
Well, shit, that match didn't go long enough to fix the ring, so this is on a gym mat too! Thankfully, this match goes a bit longer, and is even, but ends with a Dupree Driver.
Winner: Rene Dupree - Time: 15:31
HOOK (Blaze) vs. Roddy Piper (Lethal)
Back in the ring at last, it's a battle of the chokeholds! HOOK survives an arm-drop routine in the sleeper, kicks Piper in the back of the head, and makes him pass out in REDRUM!
Winner: HOOK - Time: 11:28
Wade Barrett (Nostradamus) vs. Naked Mideon (Storm)
Wade's not the first Brit to have to deal with a naked fool! Mideon mostly gives Barrett the run-around, but when Barrett gets his hands on him, it's hell. The Bullhammer comes as mercy.
Winner: Wade Barrett - Time: 7:04
Jason Jordan (OMB) vs. Crush (BattleTank)
Jordan tries to use the techniques he learned from his dad Kurt Angle, even getting in a grapevined ankle lock and putting Crush this close to tapping! Crush hits the chokeslam to end it, but his ankle notably buckles on the way down...
Winner: Crush - Time: 14:08
Jake Roberts (Crocker) vs. UltraMantis Black (Cake)
Jake Roberts has it won, but instead of putting UMB away he pulls out the snake! It bites... UltraMantis Black's dark powers make him immune to snake venom! UMB rises, whacks Roberts with his staff, and hits the Praying Mantis Bomb!
Winner: UltraMantis Black - Time: 11:57
Second Round
Maven (BSE) vs. Haystacks Calhoun (#RSF)
Maven can't get lucky here, as Haystacks can't even go over the top rope! So instead, he has to dropkick him again and again... but Calhoun hits the ropes and catches Maven with a crossbody which knocks him out cold!
Winner: Haystacks Calhoun - Time: 8:45
Umaga (RDT) vs. Rene Dupree (Beavie)
Dupree tries to get Umaga up for the Dupree Driver, but topples over and to the outside! This match ends in a double count-out.
Winner: Draw (Double Count-Out) - Time: 10:26
HOOK (Blaze) vs. Wade Barrett (Nostradamus)
This is just pure violence. They kick seven shades of shit out of each other in one of the longest matches of the night. Strikes, submissions, all of it. Eventually Barrett finishes it with one last Bullhammer. Eventually, HOOK offers a handshake, and Barrett accepts.
Winner: Wade Barrett - Time: 19:13
Crush (BattleTank) vs. UltraMantis Black (Cake)
Crush doesn't look too good up against UltraMantis Black, who seems to be invigorated by the venom from earlier. He has to fight from underneath thanks to the injured ankle. However, he gets a chokeslam out of nowhere and taps UMB out with the Kona Clutch!
Winner: Crush - Time: 10:58
Semi-Final
Wade Barrett (Nostradamus) vs. Crush (BattleTank)
Both men have an uphill battle as this is the only semi-final match, with Haystacks receiving a bye. Wade shows his technical skill, surgically targeting Crush's badly-hurt ankle, almost getting a submission with an ankle lock of his own. Crush rallies, but takes a Bullhammer and a loss.
Winner: Wade Barrett - Time: 12:38
Earthquake comes out and complains that he didn't get a fair shot! The ref had a fast count! But he'll prove himself against a surprise opponent!
Earthquake (Barry) vs. Irwin R. Schyster (LHR)
Earthquake's going into this with something to prove! He smashes IRS from pillar to post, hitting multiple Earthquake Splashes before finally putting it away.
Winner: Earthquake - Time: 5:02
Final
for the vacant SHIT Supreme Championship
Haystacks Calhoun (#RSF) vs. Wade Barrett (Nostradamus)
This is it. The grand finale. Haystacks is the fresher man, but Barrett gamely fights back. Multiple Bullhammers fail to put Haystacks away. Haystacks goes for the eyes, hits a powerslam, then goes to the top rope! Security and spare refs come together to stop him destroying the ring again! This gives Barrett time to recover, crotch Haystacks on the top rope, and deliver a rope-assisted Wasteland for the win!
Winner: Wade Barrett - Time: 15:57
Your new SHIT Supreme Champion: Wade Barrett!
Thanks for watching.
