SHIT Dynamic Duos
"Make a Statement" Debutants' 9-Man Hardcore Royale
Brooklyn Brawler (Wang) vs. Rockstar Spud (Gipper) vs. Hardcore Holly (EC) vs. Dominik Mysterio (Jimmy King) vs. The British Bulldog (Dale) vs. Hirooki Goto (DC) vs. Darby Allin (Skyefire) vs. Biff Busick (BookerMan) vs. Tyson Kidd (Roy Mustang)
Pure chaos. Weapons everywhere. Elimination is pinfall, submission, or over the top rope. Elimination order: Spud, Holly, Bulldog, Darby, Brawler, Dom, Biff, and finally Goto eliminates Tyson Kidd with a kendo stick shot over the top rope to take it! He has proven himself the pick of the debutants.
Winner: Hirooki Goto - Time: 18:41
Tag Team Tournament: First Round
DIFQ (Barry/Gurry) vs. Yeet My Meat (Butters/Storm)
Everyone seems to be fully healed from the gruelling tournament... all except one, Jey Uso. He's clearly not the same after taking 600 pounds of blubber from the top rope. He's taken out early and this is essentially a 2-on-1 handicap match. After they've beaten on Mideon enough, Jimmy Jacobs slaps on the End Time and Mideon isn't waking up from that.
Winner: DIFQ - Time: 8:14
Samoan Murder Party (RDT/Mando) vs. Nuclear Test (Looch/Y2Jayne)
Power on power! Slams and slams galore! The ring shakes under their weight! Adam Bomb proves immune to the Stinkface because of his goggles. He misses the Atomizer Lariat, though, and when Test comes in, he receives the SMP's new finisher, For the People (Samoan drop by Umaga and seated senton by Rikishi)!
Winner: Samoan Murder Party - Time: 9:52
World's Fattest Tag Team (Chris/#RSF) vs. Bad To Worse (Booty/CWalker)
This is one of the more one-sided matches we've seen, as 1100 pounds of humanity exclusively target Bad News Brown and crush him. Scott Hall's about to get the hot tag, but Viscera charges him off the corner! Two falling splashes in a row, and the deed is done.
Winner: World's Fattest Tag Team - Time: 6:46
My Dark Son (Jeff/Cake) vs. Top Militia (Blaine/Beavie)
Dan the Dad is wearing UltraMantis Black merch in support of his "son". Mid-match Orange Cassidy comes out with his backpack, and passes it to Dan the Dad. Top Militia beat him up with it... and Rene Dupree pulls out a claw hammer! He starts bashing away at Dan, screaming all kinds of French slurs. UMB responds by clocking Dupree with his staff. The ref loses control completely and the match is thrown out!
Winner: Draw (Double Disqualification) - Time: 11:12
Brooklyn Brawler, Rockstar Spud, and James Ellsworth come out to interrupt the show! They are very much annoyed that they weren't invited to the tag team tournament! This is oppression! Oppression of the worst kind... against them! They declare themselves JOB Squad International, and they WILL get their due! Ellsworth is going to get a match, though... against a real killer!
Special Exhibition Match
James Ellsworth (Sabs) vs. HOOK (Blaze)
No idea what to tell you my friends, this is an absolute murder, Hook just pulls this guy apart. REDRUM finishes it in rapid fashion.
Winner: HOOK - Time: 1:34
Tag Team Tournament: Semi-Final
DIFQ (Barry/Gurry) vs. Samoan Murder Party (RDT/Mando)
Somehow, once again, there's only one semi-final as a Haystacks Calhoun-led team gets a bye again. We get a lot of fun big-on-big sequences with Quake against Umaga and Kishi but then Jacobs comes in and becomes the babyface in peril. He's about to be hit by For the People but slips out! He sweeps Umaga's leg and tags in Earthquake, letting him get the rally and the Earthquake Splash!
Winner: DIFQ - Time: 13:38
SHIT Supreme Championship Match
Wade Barrett (c) (Nostradamus) vs. Crush (BattleTank)
A rematch from the semi-final of the King SHIT Tournament, and now both men are in full fighting condition, with Crush's ankle healed. Now they can prove who's the best man... and in a shock, the best man is Crush! He ducks a Bullhammer and delivers a chokeslam to get the win!
Winner: Crush - Time: 14:42
Tag Team Tournament: Final
SHIT Tag Team Championship Match (vacant)
DIFQ (Barry/Gurry) vs. World's Fattest Tag Team (Chris/#RSF)
Here it is. Once again, Haystacks Calhoun reaches a championship final... but DIFQ will not go down without a fight! Eventually Quake and Jacobs debut their new finisher on Viscera: the Fissure (assisted Berzerker Drop followed by a headbutt to the midsection by Quake).
Winner: DIFQ - Time: 11:43
Your new SHIT Tag Team Champions, Earthquake and Jimmy Jacobs! Thank you for watching
