Survivor Series 2014
So the night begins with a promo because of course it does. Even on PPV, we couldn't escape from a fucking Authority promo opening. Vince McMahon actually is the one who calls Triple H & Stephanie out. And then he calls John Cena out and all of them just talk about the same shit they talked about for the whole buildup before finally getting to the point of this long boring promo. For Vince to add one more stipulation and that is if the Authority lose, the only person who can bring them back is Cena.
Match 1: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match - The Miz & Damien Mizdow def. Goldust & Stardust (c), The Usos & Los Matadores (15:24)
So after a boring ass promo to start the event, we get a boring ass 4-Way. Mizdow is the highlight of this match. Hilariously though, JBL tears apart the tag rules immediately. “Why would you tag anyone but your own partner?” And I would just like to say thank you Bradshaw for saying what I've been saying for years! Mizdow is the one and only person this audience gives a shit about. And the only thing he does the whole match is bump when Miz bumps, they keep teasing us. When is Mizdow gonna get in the ring. Miz finally tags in Mizdow, who runs to the other side of the ring, as if he's setting something up, only for Goldust to tag himself in. And then Goldie and Starry start to grind (Insert Matador here) into the mat. And its putting me to sleep. And it feels like it goes on forever. Like, please hot tag someone Diego or Fernando, whichever you are! Stardust knocks one of the Matadors off the apron, forcing the one in the ring to tag in an Uso. (Not knowing the difference between 2 people on 2 different teams is rough). The Usos thankfully pick up the pace. Miz and Goldust are on the outside and The Usos pull out a double dive onto them over the ropes. Stardust springboards off the ropes back into The Usos. El Torito gets in the ring and a Matador back body drops over the ropes onto (insert Uso here), Miz and Stardust. But they all catch him and then the Matador leaps out on top of them all. When we go back in the ring, Goldust has the other Matador on the top rope, so his partner comes to his rescue. Goldust has Diego (I'm just throwing out guesses at this point) set for a back suplex, while Fernando has Goldust set up for one too. Stardust comes in and powerbombs Fernando, giving us a big tower of doom spot. Usos superkick Stardust out and one of them heads up to hit a Splash on Goldust. Miz pulls Uso off the cover and slams his shoulder into the post. Mizdow tags himself in and gets in just to cover Goldust. Mizdow gets the win all by himself! Hooray!
My Rating: ***
Match 2: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Alicia Fox, Natalya, Naomi & Emma def. Paige, Summer Rae, Layla & Cameron (14:22)
Rough. Thats how I would describe this match. Somehow goes longer than that fucking 14-women tag from Survivor Series ‘13, but make no mistake, this match sucks. I'll give it to them, they were trying, but oof this was awful. I may also take issue that Fox is “leading” a team that she is the worst wrestler in. I would just go over the important but the only noteworthy details are the eliminations. Naomi eliminates Cameron first a back rollup. Alicia eliminates Layla next with a backbreaker. Summer Rae taunts the crowd and Paige yells at her to focus and Natalya knocks Summer right off the apron. Paige throws Summer back inside and she's pretty quickly taken care of by Emma with a Surfboard. Paige sees she's the only one left and makes an attempt to leave. But she's brought back to the ring. She tries to pull off a miracle, but she's eliminated by Naomi after she threw her ass at her face. Clean sweep for Fox's team. I would say that makes Paige look bad but I don't think anyone in this match looked particularly good.
My Rating: *1/2
Match 3: Bray Wyatt def. Dean Ambrose via DQ (14:02)
Do you ever just look back on a feud and think “what wasted potential.” Thats how I felt watching this. This should've been better considering they were the most over guys on the roster. And considering that this is the only other match worth tuning in for, it needed to be a little better than it was. I'll tell you what it didn't need was a fucking DQ finish! Seriously? There aren't even any titles at stake! What a cop out. This is just a “lets let our fists do the talking” kinda match, but it never really feels like it finds a groove. Its an even match the whole time pretty much, but the story never really progresses past “Ahhh we're so wacky! Blehlelelele.” Bray ends up taking Dean out to the floor and dropping him on the steps with a uranage. Bray throws Dean back in the ring and covers him, but Dean kicks out and and Bray leaves the ring to grab a mic and he says “why are you doing this? We could've ruled the world together. Nobody could touch us.” Classic villain line yada yada. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me considering he actually helped Seth win the Hell in a Cell Match, not Dean. Bray rolls back out to grab a steel chair and throws it in. Dean picks it up first. And they give us the same spot from WrestleMania with John Cena. But Dean actually strikes Bray with the chair and gets himself disqualified. Laaaaame! Dean starts to beat up Bray with the chair and gives him a Dirty Deeds on to it. He grabs a table from under the ring and puts Bray through it with an elbow drop. Dean grabs another table and several chairs from under the ring and buries Bray underneath them all. Dean then pulls out this gigantic ladder and sets it up in the ring… just to climb it and pose. Yep, that's all he does with it. All that setup to do nothing. I said out loud “Oh okay.” Thats… hold on, take it away, Randy. (STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!)
My Rating: ***1/4
Match 4: Adam Rose & The Bunny def. Heath Slater & Titus O'Neil (2:36)
An impromptu match because WWE had no idea how else to fill time and because Heath and Titus interrupted Adam and his posse while they were playing with toys… Say what you want about today's ads, its nowhere near as cringy as this. Some people not be aware that the Bunny is actually Justin Gabriel. Because this match is so short, I can review it real quick. Adam Rose starts the match and gets beat up. He tags in the Bunny, who beats up Heath and Titus. Adam Rose tries to get back in. He's just yelling at Justin in a bunny suit to tag back in as he holds his hand out and the Bunny beats Slater after a missile dropkick. What a waste of PPV time.
My Rating: DUD
So right after that, we get an interview with Roman Reigns via satellite who they say is resting comfortably from home. But then Roman comes up on the titantron and he's just sitting in front of a black background. At home you say? Roman, what exactly does the inside of your house look like? Nonetheless, they ask questions, Roman talks. I didn't bother to remember most of it, but there is one line that stuck with me just because it was so fucking bad. Roman goes, “do you wanna know what I would do if I was there?” And then he asks again as if the audience asked what. And Roman goes… “I would cock this here fist…” holds up his fist “and I would make it rain up in that bitch”... Huh? What? Excuse me? Pardon? Pontificate? Guys, that might actually be even worse than suffering succotash. What in tarnation does that fucking mean? No wonder we all turned on this guy. I think this is the point we all realized, “oh no, this guy actually sucks without The Shield.” Meanwhile, Seth and Dean just finished having the feud of the year.
Match 5: Divas Championship Match - Nikki Bella def. AJ Lee (c) (0:34)
Whats even cringier than that though? This match. God, this sucks. And its worse that it starts an almost year long reign of terror. They had AJ Lee, the longest reigning Divas Champion at that time, lose to a kiss and a backbreaker. If you don't remember, let me give you the very brief rundown. Brie Bella was in Nikki's corner and got on the apron as soon as the bell rang, grabbed AJ and kissed her. Nikki knocks AJ down with a forearm and hits her with the Rack Attack to win. Criiiiiiinge.
Main Event: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Team Cena (John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, Big Show, Ryback & Erick Rowan) def. Team Authority (Seth Rollins, Luke Harper, Kane, Rusev & Mark Henry) (43:05)
So after sitting through two hours of a bad show, its finally time for the match this entire event was sold on. This might be the closest WWE has ever felt to an anime to be honest. This was epic. Of course, the stipulation to this match was that if Team Authority lost, then the Authority would lose their power and if Team Cena lost, all of Cena's teammates would be fired. So a lot was at stake in this. Legitimately, this match is a contender for best Survivor Series Elimination Match of all time. So many times the pendulum swings in the favor of one team and then the other. An epic power struggle. Big Show and Mark Henry start the match off and Triple H hypes Henry up. Only for Mark to run right into a punch from Big Show, who pins and eliminates him right away. A minute in and Team Authority is down 4-5. Triple H and Stephanie haven't even gotten off the apron yet. A few minutes later, we get a staredown and they tease us with a Rowan/Harper face off. The crowd is getting hyped up for this, and Seth tags himself in and the crowd goes “boooooo.” Ryback gets tagged in and he runs through most of Team Authority, Seth, Luke and Kane before Rusev gets in. And the big bulls of the team face off. Ryback hits Rusev with a big Meathook Clothesline but right before he can hit Shell Shock, Kane comes in and boots him in the face. And then chaos erupts. The other team members get in and start fighting, everyone going outside. But Seth makes it back inside and Curb Stomps Ryback, allowing Rusev to drop Ryback with a Machka kick and eliminates him. Its kinda funny how most of the build up to this was spent by Cena and HHH trying to recruit Ryback, and Ryback ends up being the first on his team to be eliminated. But I also think its a pretty good idea. Cena probably put a lot of his chips on Ryback taking them to victory. And now he was out. Some amount of minutes pass and Dolph Ziggler winds up getting the isolation treatment from the opposing team, nothing really of note. Dolph pops off a DDT on Rusev and puts an arm over his chest. Harper breaks up the pinfall and Cena gets in, hits an AA on him. Kane gets in and Chokeslams Cena. Big Show comes in and Chokeslams Kane. Seth Rollins springboards in and knees Big Show in the face. Rowan comes in and tries a Chokebomb on Seth, but Seth lands behind Rowan on his feet and stumbles Rowan back towards the ropes. Rowan back body drops Seth over the ropes into the crowd of people outside. Rusev takes Rowan out with a spinning heel kick. Dolph goes for the Famouser, but Rusev catches him in powerbomb position before tossing him into the pile outside. Rusev heads outside to tear apart the announce tables and drags Dolph over. Rusev lays Dolph on one of the tables and tries to crush him with a leap off the other table. But Dolph moved out of the way and Rusev alone goes through the table. The referee now remembers he has a job to do and starts counting them out. Dolph makes it back in at 9, Rusev doesn't make it back in at all. So now, both teams' heaviest hitters are out. Dolph manages to escape a Chokeslam from Kane and tags Cena in. Cena hits Kane with all 5 moves of doom, only to get Curb Stomped by an illegal Seth Rollins. Cena and Kane tag in both Rowan and Harper and finally get the showdown people wanted earlier. Rowan gets the better of Harper. This man tosses Harper into the corner upside down and spin kicks him. Kane comes in a goosles Rowan. But Redbeard pries Kane’s hand off his throat. But Seth springboards in and knees Rowan in the face. Thats followed by a Discus Clothesline by Harper which eliminates Rowan. Big Show gets in the ring beside Cena as Seth, Harper and Kane all stand in the ring because the referee, once again, is forgetting to do his job. Big Show turns to Cena and KOs him. Big Show, the man with 1,000 turns, turns on Team Cena. Seriously, you'd think people would stop trusting this guy at some point. Seth covers Cena and eliminates him. Big Show walks over to shake Triple H's hand. And then he leaves. Which means Team Cena's fate rests on the shoulders of Dolph Ziggler. This final 20 minutes is so… Fucking good. I used the word epic earlier. This is when the epic happens. This is one of those times where being a wrestling fan is worth it. I didn't get to see this live, but I remember refreshing the wikipedia (yes I know) page every 2 minutes, because those editors are on that shit quick, just to find out what was happening. I saw Dolph was down 1-to-3 and thought it was all over. Dolph is thrown back in the ring by Kane and now the 3 remaining members of Team Authority just toy with him and taunt, adding salt in the wound before putting him down. Michael Cole has already counted Dolph out. But Dolph gets a rush of adrenaline, hits a crossbody on Kane. He hits him with a superkick and a Zig Zag. Dolph eliminates Kane! There is a very brief celebratory cheer from the crowd and Cole, before Harper drops Dolph with a big boot. Dolph rolls to the outside and Harper takes him out with a suicide dive. Harper throws Dolph back inside and continues to kick out of Harper's offense. Triple H yells at Harper to finish this, but as Luke is picking Dolph off the mat, Dolph rolls Harper up and eliminates him! Its one on one! Dolph vs Seth. Dolph is one elimination left from pulling off a miracle! Dolph said in a backstage segment earlier in the show that he would do everything in his power to survive. The crowd is starting chant “Ziggler, Ziggler!” Seth beats on and stomps him out. Dolph rolls Seth up in a small package, gets a 2 count. Dolph hit a leaping DDT and spikes Seth. Dolph covers Seth and Triple H gets on the apron, as if he's about to do something but Seth kicks out. HHH is sweating bullets whereas 10 minutes ago, him and Steph were so confident and already celebrating. Seth picks Dolph up and buckle bombs him in the corner. Seth goes up, tries for a big Curb Stomp off the top rope. But Dolph moves out of the way and hits a Famouser, getting a 2 count off it. J&J Security try to distract Dolph, he knocks him off the apron. He dodges a splash in the corner and drops Seth with a Zig Zag! Dolph is about to win, but HHH pulls the referee out the ring and knocks him out. J&J Security get in the ring and double team Dolph, who shoves Mercury into Stephanie who got on the apron, Steph lands on top of HHH and yet she's knocked out for like 10 minutes. Dolph force feeds J&J a couple superkicks and goes to hit Seth, who ducks and gives Dolph another Buckle Bomb. Seth tries for a Curb Stomp again. Dolph dodges again and hits another Zig Zag! A new referee runs out to make the count. But HHH stops the count again and tosses the new ref outside. HHH and beats up Ziggler and drops him with a Pedigree. HHH drags Seth over Dolph's body and calls out a new referee, Scott Armstrong. But just before the 3 count, Everyone's eyes are drawn to the entrance way… Some music never heard before. And well they give it away by playing the music video on the tron, but its none other than STING! The man that nobody thought would ever enter a WWE ring, Sting was here! He knocks out The Authority's referee and gets in. He stares a hole through Triple H for like 2 minutes. HHH makes the first move, but Sting swings his bat into HHH's gut and drops him with a Scorpion Death Drop! Sting pulls Dolph on top of Seth and then leaves. The first referee makes it back inside and counts 3. Dolph Ziggler wins! The Authority is gone… kinda. This match ages worse than milk. But Dolph did it! Dolph fought his way 3-on-1 to victory! How the hell did they not push this guy to the moon and beyond after this? God damn, he deserved it. Now, no match is immune from criticism. There's just a couple things I would've changed here. The first one being Cena's teammates. Cena's entire team should've been guys that the Authority had screwed over during the last year. I know Bryan and Roman were out, but Dean Ambrose should've been in this match at the very least. Secondly, the finish. Sting's debut was awesome, I wouldn't change that. But I would at least have had him come out after the match. Dolph beating Seth on his own would've made for an unbelievably cool moment. Also not a fan of how Seth and Dolph basically took a nap for 5 minutes. Really making me suspend all the disbelief. But this match is nearly flawless. I loved this so much. This to me, is up there for the best Survivor Series ending of all time.
My Rating: ****3/4
Cagematch Rating: 6.75
My Rating: 6/10
Okay, perhaps I'm being generous to this show. This is for sure, a one match show. And yeah, that one match is amazing. But the rest of this event is seriously lacking and bordering on cringy. Thats the inherent problem when most of your star power is in the main event. I'll end it on this, the main event by itself is better than the entirety of many shows I've seen so far. That coupled with an epic debut of Sting.
