Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Chris]

You can really see the blueprint of what made 2004 so abnormally good starting around this time, with some garbage still leftover lmao

 

[Jarf]

WrestleMania 34

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Triple Threat Match - Seth Rollins def. The Miz (c) & Finn Balor (15:30)

A great match to start off this WrestleMania. They had an awesome triple threat on Raw the year before so my expectations were high for this match (as they were for a number of matches on this show). Miz also comes out with the Miztourage and tells them to go to the back, wanting to do this on his own. I have to say, if Miz had won after that, it might’ve been a sweet victory despite me rooting for Finn at the time. This was fast paced all the way through and each man came out looking good. There was a lot to talk about here, Finn dives on both men on the outside. Seth hits duel suicide dives to both men. Miz gets a big bruise on his side at some point so he he definitely took his lumps. Seth and Finn show off their great chemistry. Miz takes Seth out of the ring and puts Finn in the Figure 4 leglock. But Seth leaps back into the match, literally, with a frog splash onto Miz to break it up! Seth teases using the Buckle Bomb to Finn on the outside, but Finn escapes this time and potentially saves his shoulder. One sweet sequence occurs when Seth hits a superplex and then tries the falcon arrow, but Finn reverses it into a small package. Seth kicks out and looks at the ref asking if it was only 2, but that small distraction lets Miz come up from behind and hit Skull Crushing Finale! But Seth kicks out. And the closing moments of this match are beautiful! Miz hits a bulldog to Seth from the top rope and covers him, but Finn hits a Coup de Grace to break it up. Finn dropkicks Miz in the corner and hits the Coup de Grace. Finn tries to roll Miz over to cover him, but Seth comes back in and hits a Curb Stomp to Finn onto Miz’s back and Seth ends the match with another Curb Stomp, this time to The Miz to win the match. Awesome opening match.

My Rating: ****

I guess I should mention at this point that John Cena is in the crowd because he challenged Undertaker to a match here and Undertaker has yet to respond. So he’s in the crowd as a fan.

Match 2: SmackDown Women’s Championship Match - Charlotte Flair (c) def. Asuka (13:05)

Then Charlotte and Asuka have to follow that. And then somehow top it. This is my favorite match on the whole show and is one of the most underrated matches in WrestleMania history in my opinion! From start to finish, I thought this was great. And the result was a big surprise to many of us. The first few minutes is them trying to outwrestle the other. But the match picks up after Asuka sends Charlotte into the barricade, which injures the latter’s shoulder. Asuka paints a bullseye on it and kicks it repeatedly. Charlotte gives Asuka a couple knee drops that places her in front of the top right corner. Charlotte goes for a moonsault, but Asuka opens her legs and catches Charlotte in a Triangle Choke! But Charlotte reverses it into a Boston Crab. Asuka reverses that into a pin. They both end up on the apron and Asuka suplexes Charlotte onto the floor. Both women beat the 10 count and Charlotte tells Asuka that she’s the queen, to which Asuka responds to slapping the shit out of her with multiple strikes. Asuka goes to the top rope as the match goes on and Charlotte chops her in the chest and goes up with her and hits a Spanish Fly! In the closing moments of this match, Asuka tries to get Charlotte in the Asuka Lock and kicks the shit out of her. Asuka takes a run at the ropes and Charlotte hits her with a sick Spear! Then puts her in the Figure 8! And Asuka… taps out?! Asuka tapped out?! That’s how I reacted at the time. Now look, I have no problem with Charlotte ending Asuka’s streak. I don’t think she needed it, but whatever. I do however have a problem with this aftermath. Where Asuka grabs a mic and says in a very forced voice “Charlotte was ready for Asuka!” Like why ya gotta do her like that man. Other than that, I loved everything about this! This was a fantastic match!

My Rating: ****1/4

So after the match, a referee runs down to let Cena know that The Undertaker is here and Cena leaps over the barricade to sprint up the ramp past Charlotte.

Match 3: United States Championship Fatal 4-Way Match - Jinder Mahal def. Randy Orton (c), Rusev & Bobby Roode (8:15)

A match that screams the match that gives them something to do. So odd to see Randy Orton in such a midcard match. Rusev was over as fuck as you probably can imagine. So everyone was ready to see him take the win. Not a whole lot to say other than the crowd was dead for everything that didn’t involve Rusev. Orton immediately tries to hit Jinder with an RKO. Rusev clears the ring and stands by himself in the ring. Orton hits Roode with a superplex. Orton hits Rusev with a draping DDT and the crowd is sooooo dead. So Orton is like “come oooooon.” Throwing his arms around to try to get the crowd into it. As Orton sets up Rusev, Aiden English runs in to eat an RKO and thats in vain because he still gets Rusev. Jinder runs back in and he also gets an RKO. But Bobby Roode saves the match and hits Orton with a Glorious DDT. Rusev hits him with a Machka Kick. Rusev looks like he’s gonna put Jinder in the Accolade, but Jinder slips away and Samir Singh gets on the apron. Rusev kicks him, and much in the same fashion that Jinder won the WWE Title, he takes advantage and gives Rusev the Khallas to win and take another title from Orton.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 4: Mixed Tag Team Match - Kurt Angle & Ronda Rousey def. Triple H & Stephanie McMahon (20:40)

Ronda, oh Ronda. Where did you go wrong? Her career had such a promising start because this match ruled. I remember at the time thinking this match was gonna suck. Ronda was new to wrestling, HHH and Angle were past their primes and Stephanie wasn’t a wrestler at all. I was very pleasantly surprised by the end of this match. Match starts with Angle and HHH. HHH and Steph isolate Kurt by cheating. And they really make you wait for that Ronda hot tag, to build it up. Angle reverses an irish whip into the corner and Triple H goes over them to the floor. Kurt tags Ronda in and she pretty much sprints over and brings Stephanie into the ring, lighting her up with punches to the body. As you can expect, Ronda floors Steph. She hits the Pipers Pit, that weird samoan drop move she did and covers Steph. HHH pulls the referee out of the ring to stop it. Then pulls Ronda out of the ring. Kurt goes over to fight with HHH and gets him on the announce table. He looks like he’s about to german Triple H through a table, but HHH shoves Kurt over the table next to the one they’re standing on. He goes to check on Stephanie. But Ronda gets back in the ring and tells HHH to bring it on. HHH smirks and tells the referee to stay out of it. But it doesn’t get the way he thinks it will because she lights him up in the corner, the crowd goes wild. Stephanie saves HHH and slaps Ronda in the face. Ronda chases Steph outside. But Steph shoves Ronda into the ring post. Kurt finally gets back in the ring and continues the match with HHH. He Germans HHH a few times and then gives him an Angle Slam. HHH kicks out and Steph comes back in. She goes to kick him, but Kurt catches her foot and looks around at the crowd who start to go nuts once again. Kurt shrugs his shoulders and puts Steph in the ankle lock, but HHH makes the save and gives Kurt the Pedigree. He makes the cover and Ronda makes the save. HHH teases hitting the Pedigree on Ronda… but since Ronda probably can’t do a hurricanrana from that position yet, he goes for a powerbomb instead so Ronda can reverse it into a hurricanrana. Lol. But god damn this match is chaotic and I love it! Ronda puts HHH in an armbar! And after Steph saves him, Ronda puts her in one and as HHH goes to save her, Kurt catches him and puts him in an Ankle Lock! HHH rolls through to reverse it and Kurt lands on Ronda. HHH says it’s time for Pedigrees. Him and the Mrs. get their opponents in Pedigree positions, but Kurt reverses it and backdrops HHH over the ropes, while Ronda backdrops Steph and rolls into position for an armbar. And put the icing on the cake, Ronda holds Steph’s arm and Steph looks up at her and just says “no, no!” Ronda pulls Steph’s arm back and forces her to tap out! This was one of those matches where every spot was a highlight. And that’s pretty damn impressive. Awesome stuff.

My Rating: ****

Match 5: SmackDown Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Match - The Bludgeon Brothers def. The Usos (c) & The New Day (Kofi & Big E.) (5:50)

Just a short match that showcases Harper and Rowan’s dominance more than anything. They bulldoze their opponents and even Xavier who was just minding his own business. Rowan throws him into the ring post to make sure he stays out of the match. The Usos are their bigger competition. They give Harper a double superkick and an Uso Splash, but Harper kicks out. They try a double suicide dive to Rowan, who catches them both by the throats which was sick. But The Usos double suplex him on the outside. Big E. just gets floored by the Super Bludgeon Bros. Rowan gives Kofi a powerbomb. Harper, who’s sitting on the top turnbuckle motions for Rowan to throw Kofi up on his shoulders. Harper powerbombs Kofi from the second rope and they take the titles.

My Rating: **

Match 6: The Undertaker def. John Cena (2:45)

They make sure to tease us a little longer. Elias makes his way out with Cena in the ring instead of Undertaker. He plays a song before Cena gives him his 5 moves of doom. Cena looks dejected and gets halfway up the ramp before the lights go out. Now I’ll give them this. I think this was a genius way to build up this match. They never officially confirmed it for the show because Undertaker never answered Cena’s challenge beforehand. So everyone was like “Undertaker has to show up… right? Right?!” But then again, that was probably just the feeling because we were so used to disappointment with this fucking company. Undertaker comes down to the ring and I have to say, this was one of many matches I was excited about. I was 95% sure Undertaker was gonna wrestle Cena. I was so hyped for this. I wasn’t expecting a classic, but it was more about the moment than anything for me. I was ready. So Undertaker comes in, gets his shit in, beats the hell out of Cena. Cena tries 5 knuckle shuffle, only for Taker to sit up. Undertaker Chokeslams Cena and hits a Tombstone and I was sitting there like “okay, surely he kicks out.” And he didn’t… And then I sat there going “what the fuck.” I was pissed and it still pisses me off. Get me all hyped up for a 2 minute match. Get outta here.

Match 7: Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon def. Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn (15:25)

I think I nearly cried when Daniel Bryan came out on that stage in his wrestling gear. It was a sight I never thought I’d see again. This of course was Bryan’s return match after being forced into retirement a couple years earlier. And how appropriate for it to be in the same building where Bryan took on Evolution in one night and won! The one thing I didn’t like about this, is the fact that Bryan is out of the match for most of it. Owens and Zayn jump Bryan and Shane from behind. Owens hits Bryan with the powerbomb on the apron. So Bryan is outside with the doctors for half of the match while Owens and Zayn beat on Shane in the ring. Out of the 2 McMahon siblings, I wasn’t expecting Stephanie to have the better match. Shane hits Sami with a coast to coast at some point, but Owens hits Shane with a frog splash and covers him. Bryan makes the save and finally gets on the apron. Shane tags in Bryan and this crowd blows up with Yes chants! Bryan gets in and overwhelms Sami and KO! Bryan plans to use the running knee, but Owens grabs Bryan’s foot which allows Sami to hit the Helluva Kick. Owens gives Bryan a Pop-Up Powerbomb which Bryan kicks out of! Shane takes Kevin to the outside which leaves Bryan and Sami in the ring. Bryan kicks the shit out of him, gives him a running knee and makes him tap out to the Yes Lock! Bryan was back!

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 8: Raw Women’s Championship Match - Nia Jax def. Alexa Bliss (c) (10:15)

Now I didn’t mind this match being on the card. Anytime I can see Alexa is a good time. But why did it need to get 10 minutes? After a while it just starts to drag. Nia takes Mickie out before the bell even rings. Nia starts the match tossing Alexa around like a ragdoll. But after Alexa pokes her in the eye, she starts going after Nia’s knee. I remember this being a squash. Alexa gets more offense in than I remember, including a Twisted Bliss to Nia on the outside. A DDT almost gets Alexa the win. Alexa tries to hit… something off the top rope, but Nia catches her and flings her into the corner. And Nia takes Alexa’s title with a Samoan Drop from the second rope.

My Rating: **

Match 9: WWE Championship Match - AJ Styles (c) def. Shinsuke Nakamura (20:20)

Man… I’ll start off by saying that I had high expectations for this match. I had watched their Wrestle Kingdom match as most of us did and it only reinforces the idea that this match should’ve been a MOTY candidate. But I know, my expectations were too high. That’s on me. This match is still good though, just far from the classic we were expecting. Once this match was over it felt like someone had let the air out of me. The match starts off good. It looked like it was going to be good. Both of them trying to psych each other out. And they hit each other pretty damn hard. The issue with this match I think is that there’s no psychology. They just do all their moves for like 15 minutes and then start to kick into high gear in the final 5. AJ kicks Shinsuke’s knee out from under him and gets him in the Calf Crusher. Nakamura hangs on and manages to reverse it into a triangle choke. But Styles powers Nakamura up onto his shoulders and hits him with a Death Valley Driver. Nakamura attempts the knee in the corner, but AJ moves and Shinsuke slams his knee into the turnbuckle. AJ hits the Forearm for a close 2 count. AJ goes back to the apron and tries a springboard 450, but Shinsuke gets his knees up and tries to pin Styles, who kicks out. And now these 2 start to cook. They land strikes to each other. Styles hits a pale kick, but Nakamura hits a Kinshasa to the back of his head. He slaps AJ in the head a few times and hits an overhead suplex and goes for one more Kinshasa. But AJ reverses the attempted knee into a Styles Clash position which actually makes the crowd pop. Styles wins after a disappointing match. Not even a bad match.

My Rating: ***1/2

After the match, Nakamura presents the title to AJ and low blows him, which begins his gimmick of ball destroyer which we all remember and love. He kicks the hell out of AJ and gives him a Kinshasa after the match is over.

Match 10: Raw Tag Team Championship Match - Braun Strowman & Nicholas def. The Bar (c) (4:00)

The whole build up to this match is “who is Braun Strowman’s partner?” I was genuinely wondering who it could possibly be. Braun has made enemies with the whole locker room so who would wanna team up with him. Little did I know that it wouldn’t be a wrestler at all. Braun goes into the crowd and picks a kid out of his seat named Nicholas. So Braun does pretty much all the work because… yeah duh. The Bar are able to get their shots on him after a double suplex. Cesaro and Sheamus bring the big man to his knees. Braun backdrops Sheamus over the top rope and makes the hot tag to Nicholas. Cesaro stares a hole through this kid and in my head I’m like. “Please swing him. Please, please swing him.” Sorry, not sorry. Nicholas quickly tags Braun back in. Cesaro springboards off the middle rope, going for a spinning uppercut, but Braun catches him and drops him with a powerslam. I remember a lot of people being pissed about this. I can get why, but I don’t care enough to be mad if I’m being honest.

My Rating: *

Main Event: Universal Championship Match - Brock Lesnar (c) def. Roman Reigns (15:55)

Wow… this was rough. In more ways than one actually. Its still baffling how they thought they were gonna get away with this. The crowd already did not care about this match. I’ll cut them a little slack and say it isn’t as bad as the cagematch rating suggests. And I think they actually had a chance to win over the crowd at one point as the match was actually going pretty well. Brock dominates most of the match. Roman gets 2 Spears on Brock. The point of the no return occurs when they have Roman kick out of 3 F5s. Yes, 3. Roman kicked out of 3 F5s in a row. That’s where they fucked up. Because 3 F5s is what broke The Undertaker’s WrestleMania streak. 3 F5s that would’ve finished off anybody else. But not Roman Reigns, the powerful big dog himself! I really don’t know what they were expecting. That all of a sudden because Roman kicked out of 3 finishers that the people would get behind him as if they didn’t see through this shit. Brock tosses Roman outside and F5s him through the announce table. That’s 4 F5s. Brock tosses Roman back in the ring and F5s him again. This has to be it. 1, 2.. Kick out! Okay, what the fuck. 5 F5s and Roman still kicked out. The crowd is booing all this by the way. And I heard a “this is awful” chant at one point. Brock elbows Roman in the head, busting him open like he did to Orton at SummerSlam. And Roman bleeds badly here. And admittedly, he looked sick as hell with his own blood running down his face. He hits another Spear on Brock and tries ending it with another, but Brock catches him and drops him with a SIXTH F5! 1, 2… kick ou- nah I’m kidding that’s it. Wow. What a disaster this was to watch. I don’t think I’ve seen a cringier match in my life. Botchy matches at least are an honest mistake. This was all planned and designed to get Roman cheered. Yeah, how did that work out for ya?

My Rating: **1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.99

My Rating: 8/10

As a man who watched WrestleMania 11, 9 and 4 from start to finish, I find it comical when I see people call this the worst WrestleMania of all time. You haven’t been through the trenches my friend. I honestly thought this WrestleMania was really good. Is it perfect? Fuck no it isn’t. And that’s the reason it doesn’t have a higher rating from me, because of its stumbles. But this Mania had plenty of good things on it too. I don’t think it deserves the hate it receives.

Our next show comes from 1992. The first of the series actually. Survivor Series.

 

[Jarf]

Survivor Series 1992

Match 1: The Headshrinkers def. High Energy (7:38)

An average match to start the show off. I believe the Headshrinkers were fairly new to the company. They have the power advantage. Owen gets his team off to a good start until he tags in Koko. Koko shows off his stuff. But he forces the Headshrinkers to headbutt each other, and it has no effect. He ducks under a double clothesline and hits the other side, but also gets hit with a bamboo stick by Afa. From there, the Headshrinkers just lay on Koko, until he makes the hot tag to Owen, who hits them with dropkicks and a crossbody to (insert Headshrinker here). He gets caught in a crossbody after running the ropes by Samu and then Fatu hits the big splash to get the win.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: Nightstick on a Pole Match - Big Boss Man def. Nailz (5:43)

Holy god damn, I heard people talk about how bad Nailz is. He’s even worse than I could’ve imagined. How did he get a job? Nailz comes out before Boss Man and tries to grab the nightstick and Boss Man (somehow) saw him going for it while being interviewed. From there, they proceed to have a sluggish match because… Oh man, is Nailz bad. Nailz’ moveset consists of choking, choking, followed by more choking. Boss Man eventually goes up and grabs the nightstick and uses it on Nailz. Nailz gets the nightstick and jabs it into Boss Man’s throat. He goes to use it again, but Boss Man sends Nailz off the ropes and hits the Boss Man Slam to win the match.

My Rating: DUD

Match 3: Tatanka def. Rick Martel (11:04)

Boring, average match this is. Tatanka overwhelms Martel at first, but after Martel hot shots Tatanka on the top rope. From there, Martel proceeds to put Tatanka in rest holds for the next several minutes. Why? So Doink the Clown can come halfway down the ring and make balloon animals. And that’s it. His presence has no effect on the outcome of the match. Martel and Tatanka proceed to do the same spot 2 times with Tatanka trying to get a comeback started and Martel puts him back in a rest hold. I’m yawning. The match starts to get interesting once Tatanka does start to get a comeback, but by that point the match is pretty much over. Tatanka does his whole shebang and hits a samoan drop to get the win.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: Randy Savage & Mr. Perfect def. Ric Flair & Razor Ramon via DQ (16:29)

Okay, ignore that poster up there with the Ultimate Warrior on with Savage. Originally supposed to be Savage teaming with Warrior, but Warrior got released (again) and Savage made the offer to Mr. Perfect to be Warrior’s replacement (that sounds better anyway). Perfect turned face and declared he’s returning to the ring as Savage’s partner. This match was really good, but it’s hindered by the dragging middle portion and the overbooking. Perfect starts the match with Ramon and proves he hasn’t lost a step. He gets the better of Ramon and Flair both. Flair goes nuts after receiving a chop from Perfect. Savage comes in and he has a good showing against them, but he soon receives the isolation treatment and is worn down by Flair and Ramon for an unholy amount of time. Perfect teases leaving at some point for some reason. But he gets back on the apron and Flair and Ramon bust Savage open (it’s not shown how). Savage makes the hot tag to Perfect, who wails on Ramon, who oversells pretty much whatever Perfect throws his way. All 4 men get into a brawl at some point during this and Savage is laid out for the rest of the match with a chair shot from Flair, which the referee doesn’t see. Perfect escapes the Razor’s Edge and hits Ramon with a Perfect Plex, which is broken up by Flair. Perfect hits one on Flair too but it’s for nothing. The double teaming from Flair and Ramon and refusal to leave the ring gets them disqualified. Eye roll. Flair puts Perfect in the Figure 4, Ramon gets in with a chair, but Savage grabs it out of Ramon’s hands and knocks him down before dropping the chair for Perfect to use against Flair. Perfect and Savage are declared the winners by disqualification. It’s a shame that match had to end that way because it was just starting to get really good.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 5: Yokozuna def. Virgil (3:34)

Just a match to showcase Yokozuna. Virgil gets some dropkicks and punches on the big man, but that’s about it. I remember Virgil tried to roll Yoko up from behind and Yoko ended up just sitting on him. He squashes Virgil in the corner and drops him in the corner of the ring before going to the second rope and dropping his big ass on the man. That’s it.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 6: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - The Nasty Boys & The Natural Disasters def. Money Inc. & The Beverly Brothers (15:50)

Holy tits this was a chore to sit through. It's a snoozefest all the way through. And unlike most Survivor Series Elimination matches, you just need to beat one member of a team to send his partner nack. It starts the same all tag matches started back then. The faces beat up the heels for a bit. The Beverlys more so than Money Inc. Eventually, they start to wear Sags from the Nasty Boys down. But eventually all 4 teams get in and the Beverlys are the first ones gone after a sit on your chest thing from Earthquake. The match continues for several boring minutes. It gets so boring that the crowd just starts chanting "Irwin" and doesn't stop. Money Inc. chop blocks Typhoon's leg and I.R.S. beats him one of the worst pins I've ever seen. Then a moment later, Knobbs or Sags (I can't remember) rolls I.R.S. up from behind to thankfully win this match.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 7: Coffin Match - The Undertaker def. Kamala (5:27)

And look here, another boring match. WWF decided to try out new things on this show with the Nightstick Match and this match. But boy they were both drags. Kamala is scared to death of Undertaker and the coffin. He threatens Undertaker with a chop, but Taker just marches on. Kamala does this several times with no success. They trade shots with each other. Kamala slams Taker down a few times and gives him a few splashes. Paul Bearer gets on the apron and Kim Chee knocks him off and tosses the urn in the ring for Kamala to use. But Kamala doesn’t want it and just drops it. Then for whatever reason, as the Undertaker is back on his feet, he runs towards the coffin and turns around to get hit in the head with the urn. Undertaker then pins Kamala and they ring the bell for some reason? Undertaker rolls Kamala into the coffin and places the lid on it to officially win the match.

My Rating: 1/2*

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Bret Hart (c) def. Shawn Michaels (26:40)

Now after a slow burning show, we close the event with a fantastic main event. The lesser remembered match between Bret and Shawn at Survivor Series, but the better one. Now whenever I see somebody talk about this match they have it at 4.5 stars. I can’t say I enjoyed it that much, but outstanding nonetheless. The match starts with Bret outwrestling Shawn for a bit. Michaels is able to turn the tide after a hotshot and Bret runs at Shawn and slams his shoulder into the ring post. This is the portion of the match that holds it back is that Shawn just lays on Bret for forever. Not a whole lot to mention during this bit of the match. Bret nearly starts to come back, but he misses an elbow drop from the second rope. But once Bret gets that comeback going, the match starts to get very good! The pace quickens and the match officially is cooking. Bret gets his moves in for the next several minutes, and that includes a big superplex. Shawn takes Bret to the outside, pushes him into the ring post and scoop slams him on the floor. Shawn goes after Bret’s back. He irish whips him into the corner and backdrops him. Shawn tries a back suplex, but Bret flips over and on his feet, rolling Shawn up from behind, but Michaels kicks out and hits Bret with a superkick. Which I suppose wasn’t his finisher yet. Coming down to the wire, Bret elbows Shawn into the ropes, and Shawn’s arms get caught in the top and middle ropes. Bret goes for a crossbody on Shawn, but Shawn escapes the ropes and Bret’s body hits the ropes grossly and he’s back down in the ring again. Michaels goes to the second rope, but Bret catches his feet and puts him in the Sharpshooter. Shawn says he gives up and the referee rings the bell and Bret retains.

My Rating: ****1/4

Cagematch Rating: 6.00

My Rating: 5/10

We’re officially out of the 5 range ratings! Although we probably shouldn’t be because I don’t think this show should be that high. This card had 2 matches basically and the rest was either boring or just complete crap. And even that tag match had a bad finish. The main event is pretty much the one thing on this show that didn’t drag the show down in some way.

Next event, we’re in Texas! And it’ll be time to Rumble. Because it’s Royal Rumble 1997.

 

[Jarf]

Royal Rumble 1997

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Match - Hunter Hearst Helmsley (c) def. Goldust (16:50)

Actually better than I thought It’d be. It’s just slow paced and, not gonna lie, I think this ref (Earl) was trying to fuck on Hunter. Goldust starts aggressively, tackling Hunter in the entrance way. There’s 3 different times where Goldust uses the steel steps against Hunter and he should’ve been disqualified for it. But the moment Hunter tries to use Goldust’s folding chair, oh now the referee steps in to take it from him. Despite being the babyface, Goldust is in control for most of this match and weakens Hunter’s knee. Coming close to the end of the match, Mr. Hughes (who was at ringside with Hunter) slides in the title so Hunter can use it, but as Hughes is distracting the referee, Goldust gets it out of Hunter’s hands after Hunter kisses Marlena and uses it against him. Goldust covers him, but Hughes pulls Hunter out of the ring and gets on the apron. Goldust knocks him off the apron, but Hunter sneaks in from the other side with a clothesline and Pedigrees Goldust to retain.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 2: Ahmed Johnson def. Faarooq via DQ (8:48)

Again, another match better than I expected it to be. It was intense. Ahmed starts off hot, beating on Faarooq. But Faarooq shoves a Nation member into Ahmed’s arms and hits a clothesline. He drops Ahmed kidney first on a standing folding chair. Again, probably should be a DQ. But nah, we’re gonna keep it going. Faarooq wears Ahmed down, but soon Ahmed starts to make that comeback. Faarooq hits a spinebuster and spends too much time running his mouth to the crowd, probably because Ahmed was supposed to get up immediately after that and forgot, so Faarooq had to stall for him. Oops. Ahmed is about to put this match behind him when the Nation jumps in and causes the DQ finish. Ahmed has to fight them all off. He puts one poor guy through an announce table and chases Faarooq up the entrance way.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 3: Vader def. The Undertaker (13:19)

This was okay, but they can do better. Vader tries to jump Undertaker from behind in the ring, but Taker has his number and evades it and goes on the attack. Taker hits a Fameasser after running the ropes and Vader drops down which I wasn’t expecting. Undertaker goes up for Old School, but Vader drops him crotch first on the top rope. Vader wears down Undertaker and comes off the middle rope with a clothesline. But the second time Vader goes up backfires as Undertaker catches him in a powerslam. Vader hits a powerbomb and covers him, but only gets a 2 count. Towards the end, Paul Bearer starts making his way to ringside and Taker doesn’t see it. He chokeslams Vader and clotheslines him over the top rope. He brings Paul in the ring and plans to wail on him, but Vader saves him and they end up outside again. Undertaker positions the steps in front of Vader and goes to run at and leap over them onto Vader, but Paul pulls Vader out of the way and Undertaker hits the barricade. Bearer hits Taker in the head with the urn. Vader takes advantage of a weakened Undertaker and hits the Vader Bomb to win the match.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: Canek, Hector Garza & Perro Aguayo def. Fuerza Guerrera, Heavy Metal & Jerry Estrada (10:56)

I feel bad for saying this is the worst match on the card, but wow these guys looked lost. If you remember my the mini 6-Man Tag from my review of the 1998 Royal Rumble, this is pretty much the same thing. Only without the impressive acrobatics. These guys seem to have no idea how to work a tag match. They just get their shit in and tag out as if saying “okay your turn.” And they all look like they forget spots. Perro Aguayo though. That man got the spot of the match as far as I’m concerned. This man runs the ropes, looks like he’s about to do a dive to the outside, but then calmly gets on the apron and then leaps off onto Estrada. The finish to this match is definitely something too. Aguayo gets that too. He hits a double stomp on Heavy Metal and then an elbow drop just to be sure to get the pin. Oh my. Out of all the matches I’ve seen during my life, this was definitely one of them.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: Royal Rumble Match - Steve Austin won by last eliminating Bret Hart (50:29)

This seems to be a popular one among youtube reviewers while Dave Meltzer rated it only 3 stars. Sorry, but I’m leaning more towards Dave on this one. I was not a big fan of this rumble. It only starts to get good after Bret Hart gets in and that doesn’t happen until after 20 people have come in. This match gets off to a dumb start too. And I do mean dumb. Because it starts with Crush and Ahmed Johnson. After Ahmed eliminated fake Razor Ramon, he sees Faarooq in the entrance way, jumps over the ropes and eliminates himself just to chase Faarooq back. 1000 IQ play right there. I believe at this point in time, the record for most eliminations in one rumble was 10 held by Hulk Hogan. And I do believe that Austin tied that record in this match. He came in at number 5 and was the MVP of this rumble. Owen Hart eliminates British Bulldog because I feel like they were going to go with a Bulldog face turn eventually, and that changed after Bret turned heel. What else is cool about this match, is that they had entrants from AAA entering the match, including Mil Mascaras! That was cool. And then Mascaras eliminates himself to dive on Pierroth. If I had a nickel for every time somebody eliminated themselves in this match, I’d have 2. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice. Goldust eliminates Hunter as payback for earlier on. Faarooq comes down and eliminates Latin Lover before he’s eliminated by Ahmed wielding a fucking 2x8! Jesus christ! Jim Ross calls it a 2x4 and Lawler goes “TWO BY FOUR???” Austin eliminates Owen and Marc Mero at the same time and just leaves him in the ring by himself. He eliminates Savio and Jesse James. And then in comes Bret Hart. As the clock for the next entrant starts, Bret puts Austin in the Sharpshooter and then Jerry Lawler’s music hits and in a genuinely hilarious moment, he’s eliminated in 4 seconds with a couple punches from Bret and he screams as he falls over. And then for the rest of the match, pretends that he wasn’t even in it at all. And from there, they let the ring fill up and there’s not another elimination until after number 30 comes in. Leaving us with Stone Cold, Bret Hart, Not Kane, Mankind, Terry Funk, Rocky Maivia, Flash Funk, Henry Godwinn, Vader and Undertaker. Terry Funk is the best man out of that list. Austin and Rock go at it as a precursor to their rivalry. And what’s great here, is that there is a few men in this match you could see winning it. Austin, Bret, Taker, Vader and Mankind. All would’ve made great choices (they might as well have given it to Taker looking back now). We get down to the final 5. Mankind and Terry have been eliminated, but they begin to fight on the outside and that takes the referee’s attention away from Austin being eliminated by Bret. And because they didn’t see it, Austin gets back in, he eliminates Vader and Undertaker and after Bret gets rid of Mayor Glen Jacobs, Austin eliminates him to be declared the winner of the Royal Rumble. A genuinely great finish much to the anger and disappointment of Bret Hart. So now lets go over the men Austin eliminated during this match. Phineas Godwinn, Bart Gunn, Jake Roberts, Owen Hart, Marc Mero, Savio Vega, Jesse James, Vader, The Undertaker and Bret Hart

My Rating: ***1/4

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Shawn Michaels def. Sycho Sid (c) (13:49)

Not a great match, but this crowd was hot for this match. Of course they were. Their hometown boy was in it. Shawn gets off to a hot start despite Sid trying to intimidate him. Shawn gets caught in a powerslam however and then Sid starts to wear him down. Working over Shawn’s back. Shawn starts making that comeback though and hits the elbow. He tries for a superkick. But Sid catches his foot, ducks the clothesline and backdrops Shawn over the top rope to the floor. And then follows that up with a powerbomb to the floor. Sid irish whips Shawn into the referee who was standing in the corner and chokeslams Shawn. Another referee runs down and Shawn kicks out. Sid knocks out the new referee, but that allows Shawn to grab one of the camera men’s cameras and hit Sid in the back with it before he hits him in the chest too. Shawn covers Sid, but the big man kicks out. Shawn puts the finishing touches on Sid and this match with a Sweet Chin Music to become a 2x champion. And then lose his smile. Now genuinely, if anybody has the full story to what their plan for WrestleMania actually was, I’d like to hear it. Because I hear they were planning Shawn vs Bret II, but Austin won the rumble, so it looked like they were going with Shawn vs Austin. Just curious if anyone knows how they were gonna get there.

My Rating: ***1/4

Cagematch Rating: 6.01

My Rating: 5/10

Now I’ll admit, the fact this show doesn’t really have any outstanding matches hurts it a little bit, but I think the fact the 2 main matches end on a high note helps it also. The ending to the Rumble match is one of my favorite endings to a Rumble Match ever. They didn’t have to write any convoluted shit in there to make it work either. And that crowd helped the main event too. They came alive for that match and made it better with how much they got behind Shawn. But like I said, none of the matches are that great. And I don’t think this show is really worth a full watch.

It’s been a while since we’ve had an Unforgiven on the review thread, so we get to get back to that. The next show will be Unforgiven 2004.

 

[Skyefire]

Going back to WrestleMania 34, I, too, it was an overall good show. This was the fourth WrestleMania in a row that Roman had main evented and none of them good matches, though at least the first one had a good outcome. Styles vs Nakamura may have been one of those that could never live up to the hype. It was still great to see. They would have several rematches on PPV and exchange low blows with each other and set up my personal favorite match of their feud, the Last Man Standing Match at WrestleMania. I think Asuka should have won the championship from Flair. Her undefeated streak should have continued into a title reign and ending with her losing the title. I think both Asuka and Nakamura losing goes to show you how WWE gets things wrong with Asian wrestlers. In the past the Asian wrestlers were "evil" and many of them weren't actually Asian. Usually Pacific Islander. They did eventually give Asuka a Championship but she lost it right before WrestleMania 35 to Charlotte and was left off of the WrestleMania card. In fact the last time an East Asian born wrestler won a match at WrestleMania was Taka Michinoku at WrestleMania XIV retaining the light heavyweight championship against Aguilla. And there are only two other times an East Asian wrestler won at WrestleMania are Sato of Orient Express with Hawaiian-born Tanaka against The Rockers at VI and Tenryu & Kitao over Demolition at WrestleMania VII.

 

[Crocker]

Going back to WrestleMania 34, I, too, it was an overall good show. This was the fourth WrestleMania in a row that Roman had main evented and none of them good matches, though at least the first one had a good outcome. Styles vs Nakamura may have been one of those that could never live up to the hype. It was still great to see. They would have several rematches on PPV and exchange low blows with each other and set up my personal favorite match of their feud, the Last Man Standing Match at WrestleMania. I think Asuka should have won the championship from Flair. Her undefeated streak should have continued into a title reign and ending with her losing the title. I think both Asuka and Nakamura losing goes to show you how WWE gets things wrong with Asian wrestlers. In the past the Asian wrestlers were "evil" and many of them weren't actually Asian. Usually Pacific Islander. They did eventually give Asuka a Championship but she lost it right before WrestleMania 35 to Charlotte and was left off of the WrestleMania card. In fact the last time an East Asian born wrestler won a match at WrestleMania was Taka Michinoku at WrestleMania XIV retaining the light heavyweight championship against Aguilla. And there are only two other times an East Asian wrestler won at WrestleMania are Sato of Orient Express with Hawaiian-born Tanaka against The Rockers at VI and Tenryu & Kitao over Demolition at WrestleMania VII.

Woah, I thought the first Roman vs Brock match was great, even before the cash in.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Jarf]

Woah, I thought the first Roman vs Brock match was great, even before the cash in.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It was great. Can't wait to see it again eventually.

 

[Jarf]

Unforgiven 2004

Match 1: Chris Benoit & William Regal def. Batista & Ric Flair (15:05)

The night starts with a very good Tag Match. All 4 men played their parts well. Benoit and Regal started off working together well. They really took it to Batista and Flair especially. Benoit and Regal start off looking good taking it to Batista and Flair especially. Flair takes a thrashing from both Benoit and Regal. Benoit chops the hell out of Flair and Flair comedically flops as he’s reaching for the tag to Batista. Flair and Batista finally get their feet under them eventually and start isolating Regal from Benoit. Flair even gets Regal in the Figure 4. But Benoit makes the save. Regal finds an opening after literally butting heads with Batista. Both men tag to their partners, so Flair actually runs into another beating from Benoit. He drops Flair and Batista both with germans. He puts Flair into the Crossface, but Batista saves the match by lifting Benoit off the mat and dropping him. Regal comes in to get a Spinebuster. Batista and Regal end up outside and Regal dodges Batista, who goes over the barricade. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Flair tries to put Benoit in the Figure 4, but Benoit reverses it into a Crossface, forcing Flair to tap out. Nice opener.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 2: Women’s Championship Match - Trish Stratus (c) def. Victoria (8:25)

Tyson Tomko is in Trish’s corner during this match and that’s gonna be important. Supposedly, this is the final time he would be in Trish’s corner. The match starts off with basic wrestling. Trish gets on the top rope and Victoria presses her above her head and drops her gut on her knee. Trish rolls out and Victoria goes up, but Tyson grabs Trish and moves her away from Victoria. Vicky follows Trish and tosses her back in. Trish pushes Victoria face first into the turnbuckle and Victoria falls back onto the floor. Trish wears her down until Victoria makes a comeback and dives on Tomko on the outside. Tomko gets up before Victoria does, completely shrugging it off. He chases her back into the ring. While Victoria’s attention is on Tyson, Trish hits Stratusfaction to retain the title.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 3: Tyson Tomko def. Steven Richards (6:20)

I bet Vince was laughing his ass off over this huh. After the match, a "mystery woman" comes out to save Victoria. Drops Tyson with a DDT and leaves. But Tomko grabs a mic and thinks he's Sherlock I guess and says he's gonna solve the mystery. Jinkies. The mystery woman comes back out. And for some reason, now we have a match. Tyson takes off the wig, the dress, everything but the granny panties and the mystery woman is Stevie. This legitimately one of the worst matches I've ever seen. Tyson beats Stevie for a few minutes. Stevie tosses the wig and the ref for some reason makes it a priority to get it out. Stevie takes that chance to low blow Tyson. Stevie was looking like he could come back and win this, but he goes to pick up his bra and Tyson jumps him. Hits whatever the fuck and wins the match. Dog shit.

My Rating: DUD

Match 4: Ladder Match for the vacant Intercontinental Championship - Chris Jericho def. Christian (22:22)

Great match. I really liked it. It’s pretty much a golden rule at this point that Ladder Matches for the Intercontinental Title are gonna be great. Amazingly enough, almost all their spots in this match is done with only one ladder. Christian hits an Unprettier on the outside pretty early in the match. He goes inside to grab the belt, but Jericho stops him. They do whatever they can think of doing with this ladder. The first creative spot of the match occurs when Jericho gets on the top rope with a ladder and he rides the ladder down over Christian’s back, which is canonically injured by the way. So that’s a story element to this match too. Christian at some point goes up to grab the title, but Jericho flips him double birds. Christian says ah hell no and comes back down. But that proves to be a mistake. Because he runs with the ladder in hands. But Jericho missile dropkicks him from the middle rope. Jericho sandwiches Christian between the ladder and goes for a Lionsault, but Christian goes out of there and Jericho hits the ladder, knee first. And then Christian takes what might be the worst bump of the match. He goes up the ladder and has his hands on the title. But Jericho comes back in on the same side and the ladder tips over. Jericho grabs the ladder and hits Christian in the torso with it and Christian lands right on the mat. Maybe that wasn’t the worst but for me, I’m afraid of heights so I might’ve shit my pants. Jericho puts the ladder over Christian’s body and then climbs up, but Christian ends up escaping and starts to tip the ladder over and Jericho looks like he’s about to go OVER the ropes, but he drops and hangs himself on the top rope instead. Jericho comes back and puts Christian in the Walls of Jericho on the ladder. And Jericho looks like he’s gonna win, but Christian pushes the ladder and Jericho lands ass first on the bottom of the ladder. Okay, I take it back. That’s the worst bump of the match, no thanks. Now here at the end, they bring another ladder inside. Jericho climbs up the smaller one and Christian climbs the taller one. Jericho brings Christian and himself down to the mat with a facebuster! Jericho climbs up one more time and now is able to grab the Intercontinental Title. So the match doesn’t really have a hot finish I would say, but the rest of this match was great so who am I to take points away for that.

My Rating: ****

Match 5: No DQ Match - Shawn Michaels def. Kane (17:57)

Alright, time for a history lesson. For those who might wonder “what happened to Shawn’s eye? Why does he have a lazy eye?” This match is why. Yes, this is the match that fucked up Shawn’s eyeball. This storyline with Kane and Lita just made me so uncomfortable. Like, how can you ever turn Kane face again after this story. He’s an irredeemable monster now. Besides that element, I do like the story of Shawn coming back for revenge. If you didn’t know, Shawn was gone for a few months and the man who put him on the shelf was Kane. One of the reasons Shawn is one of the all time best in the ring is because he knows when to be aggressive and when to fight from under. He’s aggressive early. He has Kane on the ropes. Kane gets a few shots here and there, but from the early stage, Shawn overwhelms him. He dives on Kane on the outside, but Kane shields himself with Lita and that allows Kane to take the advantage. Kane puts Shawn through the spanish announce table with a suplex. From here, Kane starts to pick Shawn apart and this part is what drags the match down because it starts to slow down. Shawn attempts a comeback a few times. But Kane snuffs him out every time and then end up back outside. Kane slams Shawn’s face into the steps and when Shawn comes out, he’s bloody, so here’s where I’m assuming his eye gets fucked up. Kane brings a steel chair into the ring, and Shawn is able to avoid getting hit with it. They go back outside, Kane goes to boot Shawn’s head into the ring post, but he ends up straddling it because Shawn moves out of the way. Shawn starts to make the comeback finally. He slams Kane’s head into the post, does the whole 2K comeback, drops an elbow and tunes up the band. He goes for the superkick, but Kane big boots Shawn. Goes for a Chokeslam, but Shawn low blows Kane to escape, Shawn grabs the steel chair and nails Kane in the head with it. Both men are down… But Kane gets up first. Okay, I guess. He goes for the chair, but Lita grabs it and takes it away. As Kane is screaming at Lita, Shawn takes the opportunity to get back up and goes for a superkick, Kane catches the boot and attempts a Chokeslam, but Shawn escapes and finally hits the superkick to get the win.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 6: World Tag Team Championship Match - La Resistance (c) def. Tajiri & Rhyno (9:35)

I don’t know why, but I really like Tajiri and Rhyno as a tag team, that kinda rules. Early on, La Resistance goes after Rhyno’s shoulder, but Rhyno tags out pretty quickly to Tajiri. Tajiri hits pretty much all his best moves aside from misting and buzzsaw kick. But La Resistance take control and isolate Tajiri from his corner. Tajiri soon enough makes the hot tag to Rhyno, who comes in and bulldozes the competition. La Resistance hit their finisher on Rhyno which I have no idea what its called. But it’s kinda like a Rock Bottom with 2 people. Tajiri makes the save. He takes Conway outside. Rhyno hits Sylvain with the GORE! GORE! GORE! But that’s not it because Conway puts Sylvain’s foot on the rope to save the titles. Tajiri fights with him which distracts the referee. Sylvain hits Rhyno with the french fla- Really? A flag of all things? Okay fine. Sylvain hits Rhyno with the flag and wins the match.

My Rating: **1/4

Main Event: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Triple H def. Randy Orton (c) (24:40)

Wow. This was longer than their WrestleMania snoozefest. Not as bad as that one, but this one is also a snoozefest. And I had to sit through it for nearly 25 minutes. Which is a shame because Orton was putting on bangers all year up to this point. Ugh! One thing they keep pointing out is that Randy did something Triple H couldn’t do for months, and that was beat Chris Benoit. So Orton has HHH’s number and beats him to the punch early on. But HHH goes after Orton’s leg and works on that for a lot of the match. HHH puts Orton in the Figure 4 for ages. HHH gets cut open after Orton pushes HHH off into the ring post and Orton starts to comeback. The referee gets bumped outside at some point. HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Orton reverses it into an RKO. But there’s no referee to make the count. Flair and Batista make it down and Orton fights them off. The Coach comes down in a referee shirt. HHH low blows Orton, Orton gets hit with a Spinebuster from Batista. HHH attempts a Pedigree, but Orton backdrops him and then drops Coach with an RKO. Then drops Flair with one as well. But Batista slides a steel chair in the ring and HHH wails Orton with it and then hits the Pedigree onto the chair. Batista gets the referee back in and he counts the pin and HHH is once again the World Champion, continuing his reign of terror. Boooo. The one good thing to come out of this is that Jim Ross gets to go on a tirade about HHH. And who doesn’t love that?

My Rating: **

Cagematch Rating: 6.02

My Rating: 6/10

I think the cagematch rating is about spot on here. Because there are some really good matches on this show, but it also has its fair share of BS on it as well. Fuck that Tomko/Stevie match. It was only 6 minutes but fuck it anyway. That main event though. Oh wow that main event was so damn boring. And the fact it went over 20 minutes makes it even worse. Jericho vs Christian didn’t even feel like it was 22 minutes. HHH vs Orton felt like it was 30 minutes. I’ll give it a 6 which I feel is a fair rating.

I'm afraid we have to go back down the list for a moment because Backlash '99 dropped to a 5.99. So that will be next on my list to watch. But at least I know that show's main event delivers.

 

[Jarf]

Backlash 1999

I think it's only fair I start by saying that this was one of the worst crowds I've ever seen. They came alive for the main event, but they were dead for nearly the whole show. There was one really obnoxious guy who was probably drunk and chanted "boring" for every match.

Match 1: The Ministry of Darkness (The Acolytes & Mideon) def. The Brood (11:38)

But in the interest of fairness, I think it also should be noted that they started the show with an actually boring match. There was a Mideon sucks chant and he actually got booed whenever he tagged in. I can’t even say it got off to a hot start because it didn’t. It was pretty boring all the way through. The Ministry keep Edge away from his corner for a good chunk of the match. Edge eventually hot tags Christian. And all 6 men end up in a big brawl. Although I'm pretty sure Mideon was the legal man but you had Bradshaw getting the pin. Viscera literally squashes Christian while the referee isn’t looking and sends Christian back in to get clotheslined by Bradshaw and The Ministry win.

My Rating: **

Match 2: Hardcore Championship Match - Al Snow def. Hardcore Holly (c) (15:27)

This match was decent. It was just repetitive. Al Snow gets cut open pretty early in the match. They brawl outside the ring and bring in different weapons like a hockey stick and frying pans. They end up backstage, and into the parking lot. Where they brawl up into a dumpster and the production truck. They make it back to the ring and Holly ends up superplexing Al through a table he had set up earlier. After Snow kicks out of that, he looks to Head. He picks it up and gives Bobby some head to win the Hardcore Title.

My Rating: ***

Match 3: Intercontinental Championship Match - The Godfather (c) def. Goldust (5:21)

I guess I should've expected a match between Godfather and Goldust to be a bad comedy match. Alright imma make this one quick. A few minutes in, Goldust is given some powder by Blue Meanie on the outside, but Godfather swipes his hand and the powder flies back into Goldust's face. Blue Meanie comes into the ring to help Goldust, but Goldust hits Meanie thinking it's Godfather. A blind Goldust sets Meanie up in the corner for Shattered Dreams and hits it. Godfather hits ho train on both men and a Death Valley to retain. Awful match by the way.

My Rating: *

Match 4: WWF Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match - The New Age Outlaws def. Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett (10:33)

The Outlaws come out with shirts that say "CLEAN AND JERK" on the back. I gotta get me one of those. Owen and Jeff come out with Debra who nearly made my eyes shoot out like a cartoon with the way she looked here. Owen and Jarrett jump the Outlaws before the bell rings and we have a match. Outlaws have the match well in hand early. But soon enough, Road Dogg gets knocked to the ground and the heels isolate him from Billy. Eventually, Road Dogg tags in Billy, who moves quicker than probably I've ever seen and lays out their opponents with dropkicks. The final few minutes is frantic and fast paced. And the finish itself was pretty cool. Owen and Jarrett go to put the Outlaws in dual submissions, Owen with the Sharpshooter on Road Dogg and Jarrett with the Figure 4 on Billy. But Billy pushes Jarrett off and through the ropes, while Billy hits the Fameasser on Owen out of the Sharpshooter to win the match.

My Rating: ***

Match 5: Boiler Room Brawl - Mankind def. Big Show (7:40)

Brutal is how I'd describe this. Despite being 20 seconds short of 8 minutes, they really pack a lot in there to make it as brutal as possible. Big Show looks like an absolute beast as he just throws Mick around with ease. Mankind uses whatever he can get his hands on as weapon. He busts several sheets of ceiling tiles over his head and finds a glass window, and busts it over Big Show's head! And it was real glass! (Go cry me a river). Cuts Big Show's head open while it cuts Mankind's hand open. Mankind grabs a ladder and goes up, Big Show grabs him by the throat and Chokeslams Mick through a table which had even more glass windows on it! Mankind has to get creative. He breaks a pipe to blow steam in Big Show's face. He brings a pipe into Big Show's crotch and throws him into some pipes which falls down onto him and buries him beneath. Mankind crawls to the exit door. He's leaving bloody handprints on the floor and his white shirt is stained with blood red. The man looks like he's been through hell! He escapes the boiler room and is declared the winner, but as soon as he's out, he's jumped by Test and Boss Man. Big Show emerges from under the pipes and rescues Mankind. Knocks down Test and chases Boss Man out. And what's awesome is despite Big Show technically losing, Mankind still puts him over because after an interview with HHH, we first cut to Big Show being checked out and then Mankind walking through the boiler room and the first words out of his mouth are, "I don't want to fight the Big Show anymore. I got kids."

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 6: Triple H def. X-Pac (19:19)

These next two matches got some hate from Cagematch users. Me personally I don't think they're that bad. This was a very good match with a compelling story. X-Pac gets off to a heated start. But his fire is snuffed out when he goes for a Bronco Buster and HHH moves out of the way. X-Pac hits his head on the middle turnbuckle and HHH goes after Pac's neck. And yeah, the pace is slow but the story they tell here is a great one. HHH focuses every attack on Pac's neck which was previously injured before. The referee gets bumped out of the ring and X-Pac hits the X-Factor on HHH but there's no ref. Chyna comes in and low blows X-Pac. Then the lights go out. And Kane marches down to the ring. He gets in. He chokeslams HHH. And then chokeslams Chyna. He puts both sitting down in the corner and then he leaves. Pac recovers. He sees HHH and Chyna in the corners and gives them both a Bronco Buster. HHH gets back up a moment later though and Pedigrees Pac to get the win. Oh, well that finish was anticlimactic.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 7: The Undertaker def. Ken Shamrock (18:50)

This match got a harsher rating than the last match. But I don't think it was that bad. Definitely did not need to go 19 minutes. If a match is gonna go that long, it should be better. But I felt it was at least decent. I think it was cool that they made Shamrock feel like a legitimate threat to Taker. Like they were talked about like they were on the same level. They were high on Ken. Shamrock actually works over Taker's ankle for a lot of the match and just finding different ways to apply a submission. Shamrock gets the Ankle Lock on Undertaker, but Taker is able to shove him off at first. But the second time around, Bradshaw runs down with a bat and plans to use it on Shamrock. Shamrock knocks him off. Undertaker picks him up for a Chokeslam and Shamrock reverses it into an armbar where he leaps up and almost kinda does a victory roll but into the armbar! Shamrock looks like he has this in the bag until Undertaker counters from a body slam position into a Tombstone. Taker wins and then Bradshaw beats Ken with the bat after the match.

My Rating: ***

Main Event: WWF Championship No Holds Barred Match with Shane McMahon as Special Referee - Steve Austin (c) def. The Rock (17:07)

Alright, a lot of you are probably gonna think I'm overrating this match. But screw it. I love this damn match! This was chaos coupled with the character work of all 3 men in the match and the story in play. This was damn near perfect to me! An important thing to note is the Smoking Skull belt of Austin is in possession of Shane McMahon. He has someone take it to his office. And another important thing to note is that despite it being No Holds Barred, Shane says that if Austin touches him, he’ll disqualify him and award the title to The Rock. It starts out as your typical chaotic attitude era brawl. That’s a good start. They make use of the entrance setup and the set is collapsed as they irish whip each other into it. Shane throughout the match, despite saying he’d call the match down the middle, makes several attempts to help The Rock, provoking Stone Cold by shoving him, tossing a steel chair so he can use it against Austin. The highlight of the match occurs near the announce tables. The Rock Rock Bottoms Austin through the spanish table and lays Austin out on the english table. The Rock takes a camera and from here we have a POV from The Rock’s perspective as he films. Rock flips Austin the bird as he talks shit to him. He pans the camera over to the crowd and back to his left, where Austin flips the camera the bird and The Rock says “Oh shit!” before Austin hits The Rock on the table! Genuinely an all timer moment for me! They go back into the ring, Rock avoids another Stunner and hits a Rock Bottom. Shane has to put The Rock’s arm over Austin’s chest and counts the pin. But Austin kicks out. While both men are down, Shane goes out and grabs the title and goes to hit Austin, but Austin ducks and Shane hits The Rock instead. Austin covers. 1, 2… Shane doesn’t count 3 and instead gives Austin double bird before sliding out of the ring. He stands in the entrance way where Vince comes up from behind with the Smoking Skull belt. Shane tries to take it from him, but Vince knocks Shane out with the title and sends Earl Hebner in to referee instead. The Rock hits Austin with the title and covers. But Austin kicks out! Rock tries to hit Austin with it again, Austin ducks, gives Rock a Stunner and hits The Rock with the belt one more time to cover him and get the win! What a match! Like I said, you’ll all think I’ve overrating this match, but this was awesome! So after the match is over, Vince slides the Smoking Skull belt in the ring, giving it back to Austin.

My Rating: ****3/4

While Austin is celebrating and Vince is in the arena, Stephanie is already in their limo. The driver takes off and Stephanie tries to tell him they have to wait for her dad. But the driver turns out to be The Undertaker, who says, in a pretty well remembered moment from this time, “Where to, Stephanie?”

Cagematch Rating: 5.99

My Rating: 8.5/10

Imma confess something to you guys. I really don’t think this show was that bad. The worst thing about it was the IC Title match and this crowd was also pretty bad. But with 8 matches with only 2 of them being bad, can’t complain a whole lot. Some of them could’ve been better considering the time they got (Taker/Shamrock) But hell, I actually had fun watching this show.

This PPV ended on a shocking note. So why don’t we watch a show with a more wholesome ending. A match made in heaven if you will. SummerSlam 1991.

 

[Jarf]

SummerSlam 1991

Match 1: British Bulldog, Ricky Steamboat & Texas Tornado def. The Warlord & Power & Glory (10:43)

A bulldog, a dragon and a tornado walk into a bar. The night starts off with a decent 6-Man Tag. Not exactly a hot opener, but it was alright. The match starts off with the babyfaces having the advantage, Steamboat, Von Erich and Bulldog all get their team off looking good. But Steamboat attempts to hit a monkey flip on Warlord, who just shrugs him off and doesn’t budge an inch. From there, the heels keep Steamboat from his corner and the match slows down a lot. Eventually, Steamboat does reach his corner and tags in Tornado, who knocks some heads before he tags in Bulldog. Now the finish does end up getting fucked up. And I think its because Warlord forgot he was supposed to get in the ring to break up the pin. Bulldog hits Paul Roma with the running powerslam, and Roma has to kick out of it because Warlord didn’t get in in time. Bulldog tags in Steamboat, who goes up for a Crossbody on Roma while Bulldog prevents Warlord from breaking it up and the babyfaces get the win.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match - Bret Hart def. Mr. Perfect (c) (18:04)

Wow, WWF really made the mistake of putting this match on second. Because how the hell can you have another match after this? This was perfectly excellent! (See what I did there?) And not even the things they were advertising the most on this show are what people remember about it. When people think of SummerSlam ‘91, they think about this match! And how could you not? Bret gets off to a hot start. Mr. Perfect decides he doesn’t wanna do this match and tries to leave, but Bret goes out, ends up ripping his singlet and tosses him back into the ring. But Perfect soon takes control after the referee gets between them in the corner. Perfect takes a shot at Hart over the ref’s head. From this point, aside from the few minutes Perfect had control of the match, its an even bout, which you didn’t see too many of these kinds of matches back in the day. For the next several minutes, Perfect has Bret on the ropes. Pushing Hart into the camera guy against the barricade from off the apron. He whips Bret into those turnbuckles and Bret sells like he always does, like he got shot in the chest. He plays around with Bret, slapping him in the face and tossing him by the hair across the ring. Eventually, Perfect decides its time to end this and hits the Perfect Plex on Bret. Commentary thinks thats it, but no, Bret kicks out! Bret starts to come back beats on Perfect here, and Perfect sells like a mad man for Bret. We’re talking Dolph Ziggler levels of selling here! The crowd is going nuts and they are on fire for this match! Perfect rolls to roll Bret from behind, but Bret pushes him off, whips him into the ring post outside. He kicks his legs out from underneath, trying to set Perfect up for the Sharpshooter. But once Bret goes to put it on, The Coach (the guy who came down with Perfect) gets on the apron, Bret nails him with a punch, stands between the ropes and Perfect kicks the middle rope between Bret’s legs to put the Hitman on his back. Perfect has Bret beat at this point, but he makes a fatal mistake, legdropping between Bret’s legs. Bret catches his foot, and crosses Perfect’s legs on the ground. Bret turns them both over and stands up to apply the Sharpshooter and there’s a new Intercontinental Champion in Madison Square Garden! Amazing match! And to put the cherry on top here, Perfect’s performance in this match is even more impressive when you know he wrestled with an injured back. This man wrestled a 5 star classic with a bad back! People argue about who the best in the world is today, Perfect was the best in the world on this night!

My Rating: *****

Match 3: The Natural Disasters def. The Bushwhackers (6:27)

So we go from Bret Hart and Mr. Perfect to… the fucking Bushwhackers. Ugh! Well not everything can be a winner I guess. The Bushwhackers have Andre the Giant in their corner. It's actually kinda sad the shape he was in at this point. What can I say? This match stunk. When Earthquake and Typhoon are the better wrestlers, that's pretty bad. They dominate the match pretty much, but the Bushwhackers get a last comeback going, but it doesn’t last very long and Earthquake squashes Butch (or Luke I don't know) to win. They go out to try to attack Andre, but LOD come out to step between them and The Natural Disasters retreat.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 4: Million Dollar Championship Match - Virgil def. Ted DiBiase (c) (13:11)

I know what you're probably thinking. "Oh this match sucked I bet." Well would it surprise you that I was pretty close to giving it 4 stars? That's right. This match was surprisingly really good! It had a slow pace, but hell the story was good. Roddy Piper who's on commentary also happens to be good friends with Virgil, so he helps elevate it from the table as well. After all the shit DiBiase made Virgil do as his bodyguard, everybody wanted Virgil to shove his foot up Ted's ass. Virgil gets off to a quick start, he jumps DiBiase from behind before the bell rings and pounds on him for a solid few minutes. But after Sherri pulls DiBiase out of the way of a dive, Virgil eats shit on the floor and you could convince me he was knocked out here because he just lays there until Ted goes to pick him up and he doesn't move. DiBiase wears Virgil down for a few minutes until Virgil locks the Million Dollar Dream on DiBiase. But Sherri gets in and clocks Virgil with her purse and the referee calls for the bell. But instead of a DQ, he talks to Finkel who announces that the referee is sending Sherri to the back and that the match will continue. Said referee gets knocked down during the match and DiBiase yells at Piper at the table and gives Virgil a couple suplexes and a piledriver. DiBiase takes the turnbuckle pad off and goes to ram Virgil's face into it, but Virgil tables the turn (I mean turns the tables, shit) and drives Ted's face into it instead. And this is the only thing I wasn’t a fan of was how long it took Virgil to cover DiBiase. It took like a full minute for him to crawl over and drape an arm over his chest. But it was at least a cool moment for him.

My Rating: ***3/4

Match 5: Jailhouse Match - Big Boss Man def. The Mountie (9:38)

The stipulation to this match is that the loser must spend a night in jail. Not sure how a match like that gets sanctioned. According to Monsoon it also goes on their criminal record. How does that look? "Lost a wrestling match." Anyway, this match was pretty boring. It was going okay for a bit there with Boss Man actually showing some athleticism. But Mountie shoves Boss Man into the steps thanks to a distraction from Jimmy Hart. The Mountie wears down Boss Man and this is where it actually gets really boring. Jimmy Hart distracts the referee so Mountie grabs a taser and tries to tase Boss Man, but Boss Man dodges and kicks it out of his hands. A very slow, lumbering final few minutes later, Boss Man hits the Boss Man Slam. But Mountie kicks out for some reason. But an Alabama Slam later, Boss Man pins him to win. Then Boss Man holds Mountie down so he can be cuffed and drag him out kicking and screaming.

My Rating: **

Match 6: WWF Tag Team Championship Street Fight - The Legion of Doom def. The Nasty Boys (c) (7:45)

For a Street Fight, they don't really do anything that would normally be illegal until the end. LOD attack The Nasty Boys before the bell rings and gets to a hot start. Only for them to have my favorite kind of no DQ Match. The one where you have to tag in and out. My god that doesn't make any sense. Whatever, roll with it. It's pretty much just an average tag match. Nasty Boys keep Hawk away from his corner, until Hawk reaches Animal. Animal turns the tide momentarily until Jimmy Hart throws a hard hat into the ring and they use it against Animal who kicks out after that. Hawk goes around the ring, kicks Hart in the gut, grabs the hard hat and hits Knobbs with it. Animal picks Sags up on his shoulders and LOD hits the Doomsday Device to win the titles.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 7: I.R.S. def. Greg Valentine (7:07)

You can tell they were running out of ideas at some point. This is basically just a filler match. I believe I.R.S. was a new gimmick at this point, and this did no favors in showcasing his skills as these two didn't really click at all. I.R.S. wore Valentine down. And Valentine responded by targeting I.R.S' legs and locks in the Figure 4 at one point. I.R.S. reaches the ropes to escape. Valentine breaks the hold and brings him back to the center and tries to reapply it, but IRS grabs his hair to pull him into a small package to win the match.

My Rating: *1/4

Main Event: 3-on-2 Handicap Match with Sid Justice as Special Referee - Hulk Hogan & Ultimate Warrior def. Sgt. Slaughter, Col. Mustafa & Gen. Adnan (12:40)

Not what ends the show so technically not the main event. But it's the last match on the PPV so I'm counting it. And boy what a shit main event it was. After an actually really good show, they just about end things on this shitty note. The match focuses more on Sid than the men actually in the match because all night, Heenan was alluding to him being in cahoots with one of the teams. But Sid stays impartial all match. He gets on both teams cases. Hogan and Warrior occasionally accidentally bump into him and tease a fight which is stupid. This match just blew all way around. The end of this match has Warrior chasing Mustafa and Adnan to the back with a steel chair. Hogan throws powder in Slaughter's eyes and then a legdrop and Sid counts the pin. A stinker of a match. The tagline to this match was the "match made in Hell." And they were right, because I bet this is a match people in Hell would be subjected to watch as punishment.

My Rating: 1/2*

And then the thing that ends the show is the match made in Heaven. A wedding between Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth. Which is awkward considering they were separating in real life. But unlike most wrestling weddings, nothing goes wrong (at least on the broadcast) it's just a wedding. And I hate to be that guy. But I couldn’t give a fuck about this part. And Savage is one of my favorite wrestlers, I love Macho Man. But I just did not care.

Cagematch Rating: 6.02

My Rating: 7.5/10

This show was damn good in my opinion. With Bret and Perfect having a classic along with a solid card. With the exception of Disasters vs Bushwhackers, the first half of the show was pretty good. LOD winning the tag titles was pretty cool. If the final hour was just better, and they didn't show various segments of the Mountie's jailing, a bit that wasn't funny the first time, I would probably have it higher. But 7.5 is a respectable rating.

I totally forgot this next show even existed. It's Stomping Grounds 2019.

 

[Jarf]

Stomping Grounds (2019)

Wow, I'm glad only 4,500 people have the displeasure of saying they attended this show. This show deserved low attendance.

Match 1: Raw Women’s Championship Match - Becky Lynch (c) def. Lacey Evans (11:30)

Start off the show in a very meh way. This match wasn’t very good. Becky was fine, but Lacey was not. It should’ve been very clear that Lacey wasn't ready for a title match at a PPV. It's very cookie cutter shit. Just a typical TV match. Lacey wears Becky down, Becky starts a comeback going, you know how it goes. This match pretty much had only 2 spots. Becky shoves Lacey’s napkin in her mouth. And the finish, Lacey goes up for a moonsault, Becky takes her off and puts her in the Dis-Arm-Her and Lacey immediately taps out. Becky retains.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn def. The New Day (Big E. & Xavier) (11:05)

Now these next 3 matches are what probably has this show this high because they’re really good. I like this match and it’s my 2nd favorite match of the night. Owens starts the match by superkicking Big E off the apron and then superkicking Woods into his corner. He hits a swanton and a cover. Woods kicks out. Zayn hits a Blue Thunder Bomb, kick out. Owens hits a frog splash, kickout. Just trying to end this match quickly, but couldn’t do it. From this point, they keep Woods away from his corner, but they can’t keep him away for long and Woods tags in Big E. who turns the match around his team. And coming down to the wire, it’s a nice sequence of events. New Day goes for the Midnight Hour on Sami, but Zayn slips behind E, pushing him into the ring post shoulder first and as the same time, Woods leaps over E and Sami with great reaction timing kicks Woods in the face on the way down. He tags in KO and hits a Helluva Kick, then tosses Woods into Owens, who hits a Pop-Up Powerbomb. Big E saves the match though. Big E. makes Sami flip back with a clothesline, E takes a superkick from Owens, who tries a Stunner on Woods, but Woods shoves him off, and hits a rolling elbow. Big E. hits a spear through the ropes to Sami who was on the apron, leaving Woods and KO. Woods goes up, gets crotched and falls to the mat, for Owens to pick him up and hit a Stunner to win the match.

My Rating: ***3/4

Match 3: United States Championship Match - Ricochet def. Samoa Joe (c) (12:25)

Another exciting match. These 2 really went at it here. Pretty early in the match, Samoa Joe gets Ricochet down and dominates him, wearing him down and just beating the hell out of him. And Ricochet bumps like hell for Joe. Several times during this match, Joe does something and Ricochet looks like it kills him. Ricochet starts to comeback after a step up enziguri, a dive to the outside, and a missile dropkick from the top rope. Ricochet goes to back handspring off the ropes and goes “not today Joe!” But Joe said “fuck your back handspring and catches him and hits him with a full nelson suplex and then a hard clothesline which turns Ricochet over. Joe catches Ricochet’s foot and flips him over on his back. Joe just ragdolls this man. Joe puts on the Coquina Clutch, but Ricochet gets himself over the top rope by climbing over them with only his legs. Joe still has the Clutch on, but Ricochet hangs him on the top rope and goes up for 630. Joe moves out of the way, but Ricochet lands on his feet. Joe goes for a clothesline and Ricochet just about ducks it and flips back to land on his feet! He hits Joe with a Codebreaker and goes back up for a 630 to pin Joe.

My Rating: ***3/4

Match 4: SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match - Daniel Bryan & Rowan (c) def. Heavy Machinery (14:25)

This is my favorite match on the show now. Maybe because this is the most alive the crowd is all night, because the show is in Washington where Bryan happens to be from. The match starts off with Bryan and Otis. Bryan gets overpowered, by Otis and Tucker both. But soon enough, Tucker finds himself being kept away from his partner. Bryan and Rowan work on Tucker, but it doesn’t take long for Otis to get back in. Bryan hits Otis with running kicks in the corner, but Otis ends up coming out and hits a pop-up sitout powerbomb on Bryan. He goes up for a Vader Bomb and misses, and Bryan starts kicking him in the chest, which seemingly has almost no effect on him. Bryan’s foot gets caught and Otis tosses him overhead. Otis tags Tucker back in, Otis catapults Bryan into the arms of Tucker who hits him with a powerslam. Heavy Machinery show great teamwork in this match. Rowan and Otis eventually go at it and Rowan gets whipped into the ropes, and Bryan makes a blind tag. Heavy Machinery hit Rowan with a what a maneuver and the ref tells him he’s not the legal man. Bryan hits Otis with a knee off the top rope, taking him out and goes for a dive on Tucker on the outside, but Tucker elbows him and then goes up to dive on Rowan on the outside. Tucker comes back in and Bryan rolls him up in a small package to retain their titles.

My Rating: ***3/4

Match 5: SmackDown Women’s Championship Match - Bayley (c) def. Alexa Bliss (10:35)

After 3 matches with quality wrestling, the show falls off a cliff from here. A cliff so high that eventually you stop being scared and are more bored that you haven’t hit the ground yet. This match stunk. After their feud in 2017, you can imagine my reaction to hearing they were gonna be feuding again. Also, Alexa is on Raw at this point and here she is fighting for the SMACKDOWN Women’s Title. Nothing makes sense. When Alexa is in there with someone who can carry her in a match that doesn’t go too long, she’s fine. I don’t think her and Bayley had chemistry. This match was boring. Plain and simple. I can’t believe this match went 10 minutes because it felt even longer than that. Alexa wears Bayley down, Bayley hardly at all makes a comeback. She gets a couple good shots in. Alexa gets sunset flipped into the bottom turnbuckle and looks like she’s out cold. Nikki Cross checks on Alexa and Bayley dives through the middle and bottom ropes on her. Alexa hits the Yoshi-Tonic on Bayley on the outside and rolls her back in. She goes up for Twisted Bliss and Nikki rolls in, trying to get at Bayley. That distracts Alexa long enough so Bayley can roll out of the way and hit a Bayley-to-Belly to retain.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 6: Roman Reigns def. Drew McIntyre (17:20)

Halfway through this match, I was begging to be put out of my misery. It’s not as horrible as a certain match later on, it’s just average, but it’s so incredibly boring too. The match starts with some nice brawling. They actually start fighting before the bell rings. Roman gets his Undertaker Dive in. And then after that, there is nothing too spectacular about this match. Roman gets Alabama Slammed into the announce table. That’s it pretty much. Roman hits Shane McMahon with a couple Superman punches. Drew hits Roman with a superplex, goes up and eats a Superman Punch. Roman hits Drew with a Spear, and the referee gets pulled out of the ring by McMahon. Shane stomps out Roman in the corner, and hits him with Coast to Coast. But after the referee comes back in, Roman kicks out and Drew sets up a Claymore for Roman. But Roman hits another Superman Punch. Shane comes in, only to get thrown back out by Roman, who finishes the match with a Superman Punch to beat Drew McIntyre. One day, Drew will get that W over Roman. Maybe. Probably not.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 7: WWE Championship Steel Cage Match - Kofi Kingston (c) def. Dolph Ziggler (20:00)

God I really wanted to like this match. I really did. But God, why did it have to go so long and why was it so boring? There really is nothing to talk about in this match until we begin getting to the end. And what they did in the end was pretty good, but it didn’t need 20 minutes. Coming down to the wire, Dolph begins working over Kofi’s knee, trying to take away Trouble in Paradise. It’s also pretty much a scramble to the door. Dolph works on that knee and hits a Zig Zag for a 2 count. Dolph hits Kofi with a Superkick and Kofi nearly falls out of the door and Ziggler has to drag his dead weight back in. And Dolph comes so close to leaving the cage. He’s halfway out, but Kofi freaking dives through the ropes through the door to save his title reign. So I have to give them that. The rest of this match sucked, but that finish was probably the coolest ending to a cage match I’ve ever seen.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: Universal Championship Match with Lacey Evans as Special Referee - Seth Rollins (c) def. Baron Corbin (18:25)

But unlike the last match, this match has no redeemable qualities. This match sucked all around. It has one spot this whole match and that’s when Seth powerbombs Corbin through the table. That’s it. So Corbin was able to handpick the referee for this match and it ended up being Lacey Evans, which made sense. And it’s bad enough they have Baron Corbin of all people in the main event for a world title. It’s bad enough the match is boring as hell and goes way too long. But this is an overbooked catastrophe of a match. Good fucking lord, Corey Graves sounds like a complete dope this whole match. No matter how many times Lacey shows clear favoritism, Corey spins it into an excuse. Jerry Lawler kissing Vince’s ass back in the day at least made sense. Corey just sounds dumber than shit this whole match. Oh yeah, Lacey Evans makes this match no countouts and no DQs to favor Corbin. After the powerbomb through the table where Corbin is down longer for more than a 10 count. And after Corbin uses a chair on Seth. The crowd hates this match too. They chant “this is stupid” and “AE-DUB!” After Lacey low blows Seth and Corbin gives him an End of Days, Becky runs out to attack Lacey. Honestly she should've been out there as soon as the match was made no DQ. A new referee comes in and Seth finally and thankfully ends this goddamn show with a Curb Stomp and retains his title. Thank you. I'm done here.

My Rating: DUD

Cagematch Rating: 6.04

My Rating: 4.5/10

God what an awful show. The 2 Tag Matches and the US Title Match are what saves this show, but I refuse to give this show any more than this. Those 3 matches should've went the length of the last 3 matches really because they were more interesting. After the Tag Title Match, there is nothing and I mean nothing worth watching. How this show got so far up the list is beyond me.

Next time I get to watch another Bret Hart classic that saves an otherwise bad show. Because it's WrestleMania 13.

 

[Jarf]

WrestleMania 13

Match 1: WWF Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match - The Headbangers def. The Godwinns, The New Blackjacks & Doug Furnas & Phil Lafon (10:39)

The show begins with a stinky, stinky opener. This stunk. And you always wanna start off your biggest show of the year with a bad match. Funnily enough, The Blackjacks are the only one to cut a pre-match promo before the match. So you think they’re probably gonna be the winners. They’re the first ones eliminated in the match. A brawl happens outside the ring between the Blackjacks and Furnas & Lafon. Bradshaw shoves the referee to the ground and gets themselves disqualified. And then Furnas & Lafon get counted out. So that was stupid. So that leaves us with The Headbangers and the fuckin’ Godwinns. Headbangers actually manage to make the match better, they pick up the pace. I believe it was Mosh who springboarded off the second rope and over the top onto Phineas. Thrasher hits a moonsault so they’re fairly athletic at least. Mosh hits a seated senton off the top rope to pin Phineas to get the win.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match - Rocky Maivia (c) def. The Sultan (9:45)

Off to a riveting start here at WrestleMania. Pre-Nation Rocky and Rikishi before he backed that ass up. It’s not bad enough to give it a DUD, because it’s competently worked, it’s just so, so lame. Rocky gets off to good start, but after clotheslining the ring post because Sultan ducked. And from there Sultan just lays on Rocky. And I do mean lays on him. It feels like an eternity before Rocky gets some more offense in. Rocky hits Sultan with a nice crossbody and goes to win, but Iron Sheik gets on the ring apron to distract the referee. The distraction does fuck all because Rocky ends up winning with a rollup. Then after the match, Rocky is getting interviewed when Sultan jumps him. And then Rocky’s papa Rocky Johnson runs down to save his son. He gets his shit kicked in. But Rocky fights off the Sultan and him and his pop both hit Iron Sheik with body slams and then hug before we move on.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: Hunter Hearst Helmsley def. Goldust (14:28)

This match got off to a pretty good start. It looked like it had potential. Goldust began the match with laying in punches to Helmsley. Helmsley has Chyna by his side now, so he has her to look out for her. But Hunter is able to turn the match around in his favor when he drops Goldust to the outside from the ropes from a suplex position. He rips Goldust’s leotard open at the chest to make his chops more effective which I thought was a nice touch. But from here, Hunter just lays on Goldust, wears him down and I’m like okay, now this match is entering boring territory. Goldust starts making the comeback and gets set to hit the Final Cut. But Chyna backs Marlena up into the side of the ring. Goldust sees this and leans over the ropes to lift Marlena up onto the apron. But Hunter drives a knee into Goldust’s back, pushing him into Marlena who flies off into the arms of Chyna who just fucking whips her around as if she was a ragdoll. Actually shocked she didn’t catch whiplash. HHH hits Goldust with a Pedigree to win the match and we move on.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Owen Hart & British Bulldog (c) vs. Vader & Mankind ended in a double countout (16:08)

This match was decent I thought. But looking at the four men in the match, this match should’ve kicked ass. Owen is faster than Vader and Mankind so he outpaces them. Bulldog shows off his strength. Vader tries to suplex him, but Bulldog hits Vader with a throwaway suplex! He not only got him up, but he also threw him away! Crazy strength. But Vader and Mankind bring Bulldog down and keep him away from his corner. A bulldog chant gets going. Despite still being heels, Owen and Bulldog kinda work like the babyfaces. Which I guess someone has to considering all of them are heels. Bulldog tags in Owen and he brings Vader to the ground with a missile dropkick, but Vader brings him to the ground and Owen finds himself on the other end of being isolated. But he ends up on the outside and Mankind runs over to take a belly to belly on the floor. Owen eventually tags in Bulldog and he goes nuts. Him and Mankind are the legal men and just as this match is starting to get good, Bulldog gets the Mandible Claw put on him and they end up outside and the referee counts them both put. Because it wouldn't be a WWF PPV in the 90s without some fucked finish. Just as the match was starting to pick up too.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 5: Submission Match with Ken Shamrock as Special Referee - Bret Hart def. Steve Austin (22:05)

But this. THIS is the match that everybody remembers from this show. WrestleMania 13 is remembered for this match and this moment right here. As soon as Bret gets in the ring, Austin tackles him to the ground and the fight is on! They brawl into the crowd, come back to the ring. When they get back in the ring, Bret attacks Austin’s knee and Austin gets a Stunner in, but Bret soon enough recovers and does the figure 4 around the ring post. Bret brings a steel chair into the ring, and wraps it around Austin’s ankle and gets ready to Pillmanize him. But Austin recovers, grabs the chair and slams into Bret on the top rope. And brings it back down into his back. Austin puts Bret in a couple holds, trying to get him to tap. But no way was the match gonna end here. They once again wind up outside. Austin whips Bret outside, but Bret reverses it and Austin goes head first into the guardrail. And Austin receives a horrible cut. This is where the match gets propelled into that all timer status. Bret takes Austin and does whatever he can to try to bleed Austin more. Bret tries to put Austin in the Sharpshooter, but Austin rakes the eyes and escapes it. Bret corners Austin, but Austin low blows Bret and stomps a mudhole in his ass, and these stomps are rough. Austin tries to give Bret a damn heart attack with these! This match is intense all the way through and Austin decides to go out and grab a camera cord, he wraps it around Bret’s throat and chokes him with it. But thankfully, there’s a ring bell right there as Bret grabbed it earlier on in the match and hits Austin in the head with it. And that marks the end for Austin. Bret comes in and puts Austin in the Sharpshooter! And this moment is legendary! You can’t talk about Stone Cold’s career without talking about this moment right here. Because Austin was already over. This catapulted him into such a level of popularity that hadn’t been seen before or since. Bret wrenches on this Sharpshooter and Austin is in this hold for a few minutes here. All the while, blood continues to run down his face and through his eyes! And Austin refuses to quit, he refuses to tap out! This man would rather die than let people see him tap out! He screams in agony and he starts pushing his upper body up, trying to push Bret off of him and it’s not very often, Jerry Lawler has something to say on commentary that elevates a match, but as Austin is pushing Bret off, he shouts “IMPOSSIBLE!” Fuck, this was so good! Austin is able to push Bret to his knees, but Bret doesn’t let go of his legs and gets up to push Austin back to the mat. Eventually, Austin stops screaming, his body goes limp and Ken Shamrock goes “if you do not answer me, I will stop the match.” And Austin doesn’t respond. And then Ken tells Bret to get off and Bret wins the match. This is one of the greatest matches of all time, not just in WWE! To cement the heel turn, Bret goes to attack Austin after the match, but Shamrock pulls Bret off and slams him into the mat, And Austin leaves on his own power. The crowd chants “Austin! Austin! Austin!” And the rest, as they say, is history.

My Rating: *****

Match 6: Chicago Street Fight - Ahmed Johnson & The Legion of Doom def. The Nation of Domination (10:45)

I think they only had one spot planned out this whole match. Because this match seemingly had no direction this whole time. It was just chaos. But ya know what, I like chaos. They literally picked up whatever they could find and used it. Trash cans, road signs, fire extinguishers. Hell, Marlena’s directors chair was under the ring. I think it was Savio. Savio pulled it out and used it against Hawk. Faarooq grabs a rope from under the ring, it has a noose tied to it. Twice in the match the Nation uses it to choke Ahmed and then later Hawk. Faarooq gets on the top rope to choke Hawk. Hawk pulls Faarooq off with the rope and Faarooq lands, shoulder first on the floor which resulted in a legitimate injury. Ahmed and LOD have to fight off not just Faarooq, Crush and Savio, but also the whole Nation pretty much. D’Lo Brown looks fucking lost because he’s beating on Ahmed while LOD pick up Crush to hit the Doomsday Device. D’Lo must have been like “oh shit, this is the finish, I better leave.” And that’s it. Ahmed and LOD stand tall. It was a fun match. If less spots got blown and people knew what to do, I’d probably rate it higher. Like I said, I don’t think they really planned anything beforehand, they just said “we’re just gonna fight.”

My Rating: ***1/2

Main Event: WWF Championship No DQ Match - The Undertaker def. Sycho Sid (c) (21:19)

So after a classic and nice brawl, we get this. A boring main event. Bret Hart comes out before the match starts to whine, but eats a Powerbomb from Sid. Commentary mentions on that both Sid and Taker wanted this to be a No DQ Match. But they do basically nothing with this stipulation. They just fight in the ring, Sid lays on Taker for forever. And god damn is it such a long watch. Undertaker attempts a Tombstone on Sid, but Sid reverses it and hits one on Taker. And then lays Taker’s hands over his chest to pin him, I thought that was a nice touch at least. But Undertaker kicks out of course. At some point, you start to wonder why it’s a No DQ Match. Why its so Bret can come back and hit Sid with a chair. Why? Why was this necessary? Undertaker hits Sid with a Chokeslam, Sid kicks out. Undertaker misses a flying clothesline and Sid picks him and sets up for the Powerbomb. But Bret runs back out, Sid gets distracted. Bret hangs him up on the top rope. Sid stumbles back into a Tombstone from the Undertaker. And Undertaker is the champion. Why was this match laid out this way. First of all, like I said before, the No DQ stipulation is rendered pointless by Sid and Undertaker doing absolutely nothing that would normally get them DQ’d. Neither of them use a chair or anything like that. Its just a regular match. And they talked up Undertaker becoming the champ, when its tainted by the interference of Bret Hart. What a lame finish.

My Rating: *1/2

Cagematch Rating: 6.04

My Rating: 6/10

I’ll give this show this, it does have one of the best matches in WWE history on it. Even though it falls under expectations and has a double countout finish, the tag title match was solid I thought. The Chicago Street Fight was a lot of fun. And those matches happened in succession so that was a good hour of the show. But the first 3 matches was a chore to sit through. And then that main event sucked. And the main event of WrestleMania should never suck or else everyone will end the PPV saying it sucked because mostly, it did.

Next show is historic. But not for anything that happens on the show. Because it’s the last show with Vince McMahon in charge of creative. Money in the Bank 2022.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

I always remembered the 2022 Cell as the last Vince show which shows how unmemorable MITB 2022 was. Two of the weakest briefcase winners in history, Shotzi botching her ass off in the opener, Carmella and Natalya as two of the most snore-worthy women's title challengers I've ever seen, so fucking much Austin Theory.

At least Usos vs. Profits was good

 

[Jarf]

I always remembered the 2022 Cell as the last Vince show which shows how unmemorable MITB 2022 was. Two of the weakest briefcase winners in history, Shotzi botching her ass off in the opener, Carmella and Natalya as two of the most snore-worthy women's title challengers I've ever seen, so fucking much Austin Theory.

At least Usos vs. Profits was good

I honestly wasn't watching at the time. I had taken all I could take from WWE in 2021. But I heard SummerSlam was good and it was run by HHH at that point so I figured I would give it a shot.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

I honestly wasn't watching at the time. I had taken all I could take from WWE in 2021. But I heard SummerSlam was good and it was run by HHH at that point so I figured I would give it a shot.

Lucky you, you missed the absolute lowest of WWE creative while I experienced it in real time