Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Jacob Fox]

I'll have to think about it

Again, it's just a thought. No pressure, just know help is there if you decide to do it.

Anyway, you are doing a great job at this. Keep it up

 

[Chris]

It's easier than ever to self publish nowadays tbh, you'd just need a good editor.

Now you might not make shit but hey a few cents is still royalties The one thing that might make it hard is that your reviews reference both past reviews and current happenings in wrestling, which makes the reviews themselves great for us, but would date them I guess if they were to be read chronologically by event date

 

[Jacob Fox]

It's easier than ever to self publish nowadays tbh, you'd just need a good editor.

Now you might not make shit but hey a few cents is still royalties The one thing that might make it hard is that your reviews reference both past reviews and current happenings in wrestling, which makes the reviews themselves great for us, but would date them I guess if they were to be read chronologically by event date

Wouldn't chronologically mess up the point of what he is doing? Rating them from worst to best?

 

[Jacob Fox]

lol Sorry @Jarf for hyjacking your thread

 

[Chris]

Wouldn't chronologically mess up the point of what he is doing? Rating them from worst to best?

Yes but I was thinking a complete collection of WWE PPV reviews would be more fun as a book chronologically lol

 

[Jacob Fox]

Yes but I was thinking a complete collection of WWE PPV reviews would be more fun as a book chronologically lol

Yeah, that would be. What a project though. I am looking for a number but can't find it

 

[Jarf]

lol Sorry @Jarf for hyjacking your thread

Nah it's all good

 

[Jarf]

Yes but I was thinking a complete collection of WWE PPV reviews would be more fun as a book chronologically lol

I agree. Would make them easier to find too.

 

[Jarf]

Fastlane 2015

Match 1: Seth Rollins, Kane & Big Show def. Dolph Ziggler, Ryback & Erick Rowan (13:01)

Start off the show with a luke warm opener here. Seth and Dolph are the first to start, but they tag out pretty soon here. Rowan tries a roundhouse, but Big Show moves out of his way so he swings his leg into the post. The heel team isolates Rowan from his corner and works on his leg… Yawn… Rowan eventually makes the tag to Ryback, who gets in with Seth. And Ryback could look good if he’s in there with the right person so this part was fine. Seth goes for the flip over neckbreaker from the second rope, but Ryback catches him in a suplex position and turns it into a Shell Shock! That was a sweet counter. But Big Show breaks it up and splashes Ryback. Ryback tags Dolph back in and he has a short comeback before it’s stopped by Kane and Big Show. Kane holds Dolph’s head over the ropes. Big Show hits a KO punch and Kane chokeslams him to win the match. Seth hits Dolph and Rowan with a Curb Stomp after the match and as he’s about to hit Ryback with one, Randy Orton’s music hits and he makes a beeline to the ring after Seth took him out a few months ago. Aside from Daniel Bryan later, he gets the best reaction on the show. Orton RKOs J&J Security and Kane while Seth gets out of dodge. Nice way to start the show. Not the match, the return.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 2: Goldust def. Stardust (8:55)

Wow… they really… This sucked a lot. Considering the match these two would have at Double or Nothing a few years later, I say we were robbed. I think the problem here is Cody’s gimmick at this point was that he only wants to be known as Stardust and he’s supposed to react whenever they chant Cody. But the crowd does that almost the whole match. Goldust schools Cody at first, but then Cody takes control and wears Goldust down. Goldust manages to reverse Cody’s Cross Rhodes into a crucifix pin somehow. Question, if they didn’t plan on continuing this feud, why did Goldust win this? Just horribly booked all around.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 3: WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Cesaro & Tyson Kidd def. The Usos (c) (9:33)

A solid match, but I don’t know… for whatever reason, I wasn’t much of a fan of this match. These teams just didn’t click somehow. Which is a shame because this should’ve been awesome. Cesaro and Kidd isolate Jimmy and work on his knee. Jey gets the hot tag and begins a brief comeback, but Cesaro hits my favorite move in the history of wrestling, the superplex from the apron into the ring! Kidd springboards off the top rope and hits an elbow to Jey, who kicks out. Jey tags Jimmy back in. Jey dives on Cesaro outside and Jimmy catches Tyson and samoan drops him into the barricade. But Tyson puts Jimmy in the Sharpshooter on the inside, but he reaches the ropes. Cesaro provides a distraction and tries to get inside, but Jimmy superkicks him and Tyson hits him with a spinning fisherman to win the match.

My Rating: ***

After that match is the confrontation between Triple H and Sting… Where Triple H talks for 20 minutes and Sting doesn’t say anything back. BOOOOORRRINNNNGGG… And I should’ve known that they would’ve made this about WCW. Just to remind everybody, “hey, did you know that WWE won the Monday Night Wars?” They eventually start fighting, Triple H goes outside to grab the sledgehammer, but Sting pulls his bat and points it at HHH’s throat. Backs him up in the corner and points to the WrestleMania sign. Sting tries to walk away, Triple H tries a sneak attack, but gets hit in the gut with the bat and then a Scorpion Death Drop.

Match 4: Divas Championship Match - Nikki Bella (c) def. Paige (5:34)

The Bella Twins like to take credit for starting the women’s revolution… and in a way, they did… because they were so shit that people were begging for good women’s wrestlers. This match sucked. No good. Still slightly better than that dust brothers match earlier, but only because its shorter. Nikki wears down Paige. Paige gets her comeback, tries to lock in the PTO, but is unsuccessful. Nikki rolls up Paige and retains… Moving on.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 5: Intercontinental Championship Match - Bad News Barrett (c) def. Dean Ambrose via DQ (7:58)

This match was going pretty well honestly. If they let these 2 go, this could’ve been pretty good. Barrett wears down Ambrose, but after Dean hits a clothesline on the outside, it starts to pick up and starts getting good. Barrett hits a Wasteland, but Dean kicks out. Barrett attempts a Bullhammer elbow, but Dean doesn’t let him. Dean does the Nigel, ring ropes clothesline spot and Barrett tries to leave with his title, but Dean dives through the ropes on him and tosses him back in the ring. Barrett continues trying to leave, and Dean loses his temper. He stomps Barrett in the corner until the referee disqualifies him… Laaaaaaame. Dean hits a Dirty Deeds on Barrett and then leaves with the title.

My Rating: **3/4

Then after this match, the Undertaker’s gong sounds off. The lights go out and a bunch of druids carry a coffin out to the ring… but it was Bray Wyatt in the coffin… Fuck… Bray cuts a promo where he calls out the Undertaker and sets up their match at WrestleMania.

Match 6: United States Championship Match - Rusev (c) def. John Cena (18:42)

A decent match… it’s just that if it goes for nearly 20 minutes, it needs to be better. But this match is about making Rusev look good. The super athlete as they were calling him. He dominates Cena for a lot of this match and whenever Cena would start making a comeback, Rusev would snuff it out. Eventually, Cena starts to make a chink in Rusev’s armor. Rusev goes for the Accolade, but Cena turns over and takes Rusev to the mat to lock him in the STF. Rusev reaches the ropes. Once he gets up, he goes for a kick, but Cena dodges and picks him up and hits the AA, which Rusev kicks out of. Cena goes up and tries a legdrop across the head, but Rusev reverses it into a powerbomb, turns Cena over and locks in the Accolade. Cena starts to stand up with Rusev on his back, but Lana gets in to distract the referee. Rusev kicks Cena in his gotens and locks the Accolade back in. Cena passes out and the referee tells them to ring the bell. Rusev retains. Rusev was elevated here only for Cena to beat him at the next 3 straight PPVs. LOL.

My Rating: ***1/4

Main Event: WWE World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contenders Match - Roman Reigns def. Daniel Bryan (20:10)

So after an extremely shitty show, we get this banger of a main event with a winner no one was happy about. I’ll get to that later though and talk about how awesome this was and at this point was Roman’s best one on one match! Roman uses his power to take the advantage early. But after Bryan kicks Roman’s gut from an attempted superman punch, Bryan turns it around and kicks the hell out of Roman… literally. After Roman escapes the Yes Lock the first time, he rolls outside, only for Bryan to hit him with 2 suicide dives. But on a third attempt, Roman catches him and hits an overhead belly to belly. Roman hits Bryan with a superman punch as Bryan dives off the ropes. Roman attempts a Spear, but Bryan reverses it into a small package. Roman kicks out and gets kicked in the head. Bryan hits a running knee for a 2 count! Bryan gets Roman down into another Yes Lock! Which Roman escapes by sitting on his knees and turn over, and just punches the shit out of Daniel Bryan! I love how much of a savage Roman was during this match! But from there, Bryan gets Roman in a triangle choke, but Roman picks him up and hits a powerbomb! Both men sit up and Bryan starts to kick the shit out of Roman from there. Bryan goes for another running knee, but Roman Spears him and pins him… Roman’s going to WrestleMania and Bryan shakes his hand after the match… now please cheer Roman. Please, I’m begging you.

My Rating: ****1/4

Cagematch Rating: 5.90

My Rating: 4.5/10

Everytime I think I’m done watching bad shows, there’s always one that manages to get higher on the list than it should be. Like for real, there was more positive ratings for this show than there were bad ones. A lot were in the middle, but aside from that banger of a main event, I’m having trouble seeing what was so good about this show. Cena vs Rusev was decent, but it only started getting good towards the end. Bray’s promo was pretty cool. Randy’s return was nice. But that’s all I can say. This show was 3 hours and really wasn’t worth it.

I’m excited about this next show because I know there’s at least one match, I’ll enjoy very much rewatching. SummerSlam 2016.

 

[Skyefire]

Glad to see someone shares my opinion on the Bellas.

 

[Jarf]

SummerSlam 2016

Match 1: Kevin Owens & Chris Jericho def. Enzo & Cass (12:08)

It’s absolutely crazy looking back at this time, seeing how over Enzo and Cass were and knowing they went nowhere. But to be fair. They were all gimmick and no substance… well Enzo was. Cass was a solid big man. Jericho and Owens isolate Enzo from his corner. Cass had overpowered both men already, so they keep Enzo from tagging in for a while. I did love when Enzo leapt for Cass, Jericho runs in and just shoves him in mid-air. They taunt Cass while beating the hell out of Enzo. But they can’t keep Cass out for long. Enzo eventually gets the tag and Cass bowls over the 2 canadians. He slams Jericho on the mat and sets up for the big splash from Enzo. Enzo gets tagged back in, but KO crotches Enzo on the top turnbuckle. Cass chases him out. KO sidesteps and Cass hits the ring post. The finish to this match would’ve been pretty sweet if it hadn’t been fucked up. Kevin throws Enzo over his head where Jericho was supposed to hit the Codebreaker. It gets botched, probably Enzo’s fault.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: Women’s Championship Match - Charlotte def. Sasha Banks (c) (13:51)

Really underrated match. I thought this was excellent even if the booking behind the winner was weird. This was another match in the line of the game of hot potato these 2 were playing. Early in the match, Sasha takes just a disgusting bump. Charlotte drops her on the ropes, although I think she was supposed to drop her on the top turnbuckle back first, but just drops her legs across the top rope so Sasha falls on the back of her neck on the mat. Miraculously, she’s okay and these two are able to have a kickass match. Charlotte works on Sasha’s back and takes her to the top rope, getting on the middle ropes, Charlotte picks Sasha up in a Razor’s Edge position, but Sasha reverses it into a frankensteiner! From this point, it’s back and forth. Charlotte goes for a Natural Selection, but Sasha reverses it into the Bank Statement! Charlotte is able to escape. She hits Natural Selection and Sasha kicks out of it. Sasha tilt-a-whirls and brings Charlotte down into the Bank Statement! Charlotte rolls over and pins Sasha’s shoulders down and hooks her legs to win back the title… and so it begins.

My Rating: ****

Match 3: Intercontinental Championship Match - The Miz (c) def. Apollo Crews (5:45)

Average match here. Not much to say about this due to it’s length, but its alright. Apollo’s superior athleticism and strength gives him the advantage and he makes Miz work for this win. He ends avoiding the Skull Crushing Finale 3 different times. Miz tries to leave with his title at some point, but he finally is able to hit his finish after tossing Crews into the top turnbuckle and hits the Skull Crushing Finale to retain.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: AJ Styles def. John Cena (23:10)

Ahhh hell yeah! This is what I’m talking about! This is the match I was waiting for! You can tell by the way they go to the ring, and how they start the match, they were ready to put on a show! Even the little stuff they do at the beginning where AJ taunted after hitting a simple dropkick and Cena just decks him in the face was great. The match is also back and forth all the way through. No boring wear downs or extended periods of rest holds, just a big struggle! Cena’s first attempt at an AA fails as AJ lands on his feet and hits a pele kick! Then he hits the Styles Clash and gets a 2 count. Cena recovers and hits the AA which AJ then kicks out of. AJ’s first attempt at the forearm fails as Cena catches him and puts him in the STF! AJ is able to reverse that into crossface. Styles slides down from the AA position and into the Calf Crusher! As the match goes on, Cena brings AJ up to the top rope on his shoulders for an AA, but AJ gets out of it and onto the apron. Then springboards, turns hits a hurricanrana from the top rope! Then goes back out to the apron to hit a Phenomenal Forearm which Cena kicks out of. Cena hits AJ with a hard clothesline and picks him back up, going back to the second ropes with AJ on his shoulders and hits the AA from there. And Styles kicks out of it! Cena goes to the corner and is stunned that AJ hasn’t stayed down. After a minute or so, AJ gets back up on groggy legs and Cena picks him up again for the AA. But AJ comes off and hits Cena with a Styles Clash! He goes back out to the apron to hit the Forearm and beats Cena! I remember watching this match the first time and it was the first time in a while I actually bit on a pinfall. When AJ kicked out of that Avalanche AA, I lost my damn mind! I love this match so much!

My Rating: ****3/4

Match 5: WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson def. The New Day (Kofi & Xavier) (c) via DQ (9:09)

New Day have Jon Stewart in their corner because Big E. came down with a case of ringpostitis… he lost his balls or something. I don’t know. Anderson and Gallows focus on beating on their opponents while New Day use their athleticism to their advantage. Kofi dives over the ropes onto Gallows. Xavier hits an elbow from the top rope from across the ring. New Day look like they’re about to retain, but Gallows saves Anderson and sends Xavier out. They hit Kofi with the Magic Killer, but Jon Stewart gets in the ring and provides a long… and I mean long distraction. Gallows and Anderson threaten to give Stewart ringpostitis, but Big E. makes his way down, bowls over Gallows and throws Anderson overhead, causing a DQ. And I maintain that Gallows and Anderson should’ve won the titles right here. Boring match with a bad finish.

My Rating: **

Match 6: WWE Championship Match - Dean Ambrose (c) def. Dolph Ziggler (15:18)

Now that I’ve rewatched this match, I really don’t think it’s as bad as people say it is. The problem I think is that it had to follow one of the best matches of 2016 and that 9 minute match did nothing to cool them down. I also think people were expecting more from these 2 which is fair. Dean works a heel style. He very much makes Dolph the babyface, but Dean was still a babyface himself so it was weird. Dean wears down Dolph, but Dolph is able to turn the tide with a dropkick on a diving Ambrose. Dolph comes pretty close a few times after some leaping DDTs and Fameassers to winning but Dean kicks out. Dolph gets Dean in a Sleeper Hold, and Dean escapes by diving through the middle ropes with him. Dolph hits a Superkick on the outside, throws Dean back in and tries hitting another one, but Dean slaps him in the face, spins him around and goes for a Dirty Deeds, but Dolph spins out and reverses it into a Zig Zag for a 2 count. The match has a nice finish. Dean gets crotched on the top rope, Dolph goes for an X-Factor from there, but Dean lands on his feet, and hits a Dirty Deeds to retain.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 7: Nikki Bella, Natalya & Alexa Bliss def. Becky Lynch, Naomi & Carmella (11:04)

Alexa and Nattie’s original partner was going to be Eva Marie… but she got suspended. Which turned into a release. Nikki returns from injury to a surprisingly loud pop. At one point between her injury and this point did the Bellas get so popular? This is another boring match, the heel team isolate Carmella from her corner for a while. Until Becky gets the hot tag and throws her opponents around with overheads. Naomi comes in to get her stuff in. But they for some reason tag Carmella back in. She double dropkicks Nattie and Alexa out of the ring, but gets a forearm from Nikki, who hits a new finish to pin Carmella.

My Rating: **

Match 8: Universal Championship Match - Finn Balor def. Seth Rollins (19:24)

It’s so funny looking back on this and remembering how much I and everyone else hated the look of the Universal Title. Or the fruit rollup title as I called it. And it’s a damn shame Finn got hurt during this match. He never reached the same heights on the main roster that he had here in just 4 weeks. Back when the demon was still cool and not used as an attraction either. Finn looked like the coolest dude here. Finn was HIM. He starts the match with a dropkick into the corner and an attempted Coup de Grace. I can appreciate. Just get the W and go home. But it would take more than that to beat Seth. Finn gets injured early in the match, which makes it more impressive that this was such a great match. Seth works over Finn, wears him down until Finn starts making his 2K comeback. Finn attempts a Coup de Grace again, but Seth gets him in a triangle choke. Finn escapes to the outside. Seth hits the buckle bomb and then a superkick for a 2. Finn tries to mount another comeback, runs off the ropes, but catches a knee to the face and gets hit with God’s Last Gift from Seth! Finn kicks out. Seth goes back up and gets knocked off the top to the outside. Finn dropkicks him into the barricade before tossing him back in and double stomping the back of a standing Seth’s head for a 2 count. Finn goes for the Coup de Grace again, but Seth once again, rolls out of the way and hits the Pedigree to get 2! Seth goes back up for the Phoenix Splash, Finn rolls out of the way, dropkicks Seth into the corner, and goes up, but Seth follows him up and hits a superplex, then tries another Pedigree. Finn sweeps his legs and double stomps him. Finn dropkicks Seth in the back, and Seth’s head hits the corner and then another dropkick into the corner and finally. After 4 previous attempts, Finn finally hits the Coup de Grace to pin Seth and become the inaugural Universal Champion… Great match and it’s really such a shame Finn got hurt during it and had to give it up the night after.

My Rating: ****

So after this is supposed to be Rusev vs Roman Reigns for the United States title, but this show was pushing 4 hours, so I think they cut it. Thank god. They both make their entrances, but Rusev jumps Roman before the match starts. Roman gets the upper hand and leaves Rusev clutching his ribs. They announce that Rusev will be unable to compete to make him look like a chump… Now… I don’t know about you guys, but I despised this feud. Roman made Rusev his bitch for this entire feud. Roman humiliated Lana and Rusev, beat Rusev in a non-title match on the go-home show of Raw and then this shit… If they were going to do it, have Rusev be the one to injure Roman. This way, you give Rusev something or literally ANYTHING out of this feud! Even after announcing there’s no match, Roman comes down to Spear Rusev and we move on after making Rusev look like a chump.

Main Event: Brock Lesnar def. Randy Orton via TKO (11:45)

While I don’t think this match deserved to go on last over the Universal Title Match, I can understand why it did. Big dream match and I’ll give them this. This match was compelling the whole way through. I know it was only just shy of 12 minutes, but the stuff they did do was pretty good. Brock tosses Randy around with German Suplexes. Mauro Ranello says after the first suplex that it’s the 33rd suplex from Brock Lesnar at SummerSlam… Like who do they have keeping track of these statistics? Like that is so specific. You mean you had someone watch Brock’s previous matches at SummerSlam just to count his suplexes? That’s weird. But anyway, Brock tosses Randy through one of the announce tables which… felt like a non-impactful spot somehow. Brock tears apart the table next to it and picks Randy onto it, but Randy hits Brock with the RKO on the table. Randy goes back in the ring and as Brock is getting back in, Randy grabs him and hits him with the draping DDT, spiking Brock. Orton hits another RKO and Brock kicks out of it. Orton sets up for the Punt kick, but Brock catches him and hits the F5, which Orton kicks out of. Then Brock takes his gloves off and fucking mounts and punches the shit out of Orton, who tries to cover up. And delivers 2 vicious elbows that busts Orton open… and open badly. The referee calls the match to be stopped as the doctors tend to Orton and Lesnar keeps trying to lay into him. I’ll admit, I got worked. This ending had me wondering, “Did Brock just shoot on Orton?” I mean, it became clear after Shane came out and got F5’d that it was a work, but they had me in the first half, not gonna lie. A shocking, confusing end to the show… and really disappointing too. Because from this short match, we could see, these 2 had something there and sadly this was the only time they ever fought on TV.

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 5.90

My Rating: 8/10

The biggest problem I have with this show is it’s length. Some of the booking is weird, but this was a 4 hour event. When did Vince get it in his fucking brain that somehow, longer meant better? Because it doesn’t! At worst, it was a disappointing show. The WWE title match could’ve been a lot better, but it just wasn’t. Maybe they didn’t click. And they hyped the hell out of that main event only to do that… Really? I’ve already aired my thoughts on the whole Roman/Rusev thing. But with 2 great title matches and one incredible Match of the Year candidate, you can’t help but have a soft spot for this show. At least to me.

From a main event that fell below expectations to one that far exceeded them. WrestleMania 6: THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE!!!

 

[Skyefire]

I love Finn Balor, but this match is hard to watch because of the crowd constantly booing every time the belt is shown. I wonder if part of what went wrong with the bump that caused Finn's injury was the fact that the barrier is curved and maybe he was used to taking straight on barriers.

 

[Jarf]

I love Finn Balor, but this match is hard to watch because of the crowd constantly booing every time the belt is shown. I wonder if part of what went wrong with the bump that caused Finn's injury was the fact that the barrier is curved and maybe he was used to taking straight on barriers.

I think it's a combination of something they both did. Like Seth threw him too soon and Finn reached back with his arm.

 

[Jarf]

WrestleMania VI

I would've had a back body drop counter if I knew there would be so many.

Match 1: Rick Martel def. Koko B. Ware (5:30)

A fine opener, but if you just gave these 2 a little more time, I thought it could’ve been better. But with a card with 14 matches, I’m kinda glad it only got 5 and a half minutes. By the way, it’s bullshit they didn’t book Martel against Tito Santana. The obvious path for those 2 should’ve been a blowoff match here but whatever. Koko gets a fast start, but Martel wears him down. Tries to put on the Boston Crab, but Koko has to crawl towards the ropes. Koko gets a brief comeback in and after missing a sunset flip, Martel puts Koko in the Crab to win the match.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 2: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Demolition def. The Colossal Connection (c) (9:15)

Really boring match but it’s mainly remembered for being Andre’s last match in the WWF and the aftermath of said match. But Andre really does fuck all during this whole match. Haku starts the match and finishes the match without tagging out to Andre once. If Ax or Smash get close to him, Andre will hit them but that’s it. Haku wears down Ax, until Smash gets the hot tag. They both work together to rock both their opponents with double clotheslines. Andre grabs Smash and holds him back for Haku to kick him. Smash ducks, so Andre takes the kick instead and gets tied up in the ropes. Demolition hit Haku with their finish and win the Tag Titles. After the match, Bobby Heenan gets in and berates Andre. He does for like a minute before he slaps Andre, and I love the expression change on Andre’s face when he gets slapped. He grabs Heenan by the collar and slaps him around and punches him. Haku tries to thrust kick Andre, but Andre catches the foot and knocks Haku on his ass. Andre leaves to an ovation, which is a nice cherry on the top for the end of his WWF career.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: Earthquake def. Hercules (4:52)

It feels like they were really trying to build up Earthquake for a main event push, and considering he fought Hulk Hogan at SummerSlam later this year, I’d say they were high on him… or they wanted a new big guy that Hogan could beat. Probably the latter. Hercules doesn’t get much offense in this match, he nearly knocks Earthquake off his feet a few times, but Earthquake eventually squashes Herc (literally) and wins the match.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 4: Brutus Beefcake def. Mr. Perfect (7:48)

I’ve never hated Beefcake more than I did here. Perfect carries him to an okay match. But here Perfect was undefeated Mr. Perfect was going somewhere, Beefcake didn’t. But Beefcake wins cause he was buddy buddy with Hulk Hogan. Shaking my head. Perfect bumps like hell for Brutus too. Perfect gets his shit in and wears down Beefcake. And Beefcake wins after tripping Perfect up and catapulting him over the turnbuckle, Perfect’s head hits the ring post and Beefcake wins with that. With how much they protected the fuck out of Beefcake, he should’ve been challenging for the title at this point (not that I wanted that).

My Rating: **1/2

Match 5: Roddy Piper vs. Bad News Brown ended in a double countout (6:48)

So uhhh… Here’s the thing… This part of the PPV is entirely cut out from the Peacock version. No half blackface Piper today. I tried to find the match somewhere else on the internet and I couldn’t find it anywhere. So I won’t be able to cover this match and review it, but it doesn’t exactly break my heart that I missed it.

Match 6: The Hart Foundation def. The Bolsheviks (0:19)

The Bolsheviks try to sing the Russian national anthem, but The Harts jump them from behind. They hit Boris with the Hart Attack, 1, 2, 3. Hit the showers and get outta here.

Match 7: The Barbarian def. Tito Santana (4:33)

I thought Barbarian was the better half of his team with The Warlord. But after this match, I might have to think differently. He’s really sloppy in this whole match, messing up a couple spots. Tito nearly gets the win after hitting a flying forearm, but with Barbarian too close to the ropes, it allows Heenan on the outside to get Barbarian’s foot on the bottom rope. Barbarian wins the match with a clothesline from the middle rope that flips Tito over.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 8: Mixed Tag Team Match - Dusty Rhodes & Sapphire def. Randy Savage & Sensational Sherri (7:31)

This match was a giant mess. Savage and Dusty really try their best. But… ooooof. Whenever Sapphire gets in there. Oh man, it’s bad. Dusty calls out Miss Elizabeth to be in their corner for the match and she’s involved in the finish. Dusty and Sapphire dominate the match early, but Savage beats on and wears down Dusty. Savage dives on Dusty on the outside and when he goes back up for another one, Sapphire steps in front of him. Savage actually gets down and throws Sapphire out of his way like an asshole. They state the rules that only the men can fight the men and the women can fight the women, but that rule gets abused maliciously. Sherri hits a splash on Dusty and the ref counts the pin like it’s not breaking the rules. Sherri hops on Dusty’s back and Dusty walks over to tag Sapphire. Sapphire makes an attempt to snapmare Sherri off of Dusty… and boy does it not work. As Dusty occupies Savage, Sherri reaches outside for Elizabeth, who shoves Sherri back into Sapphire kneeling behind her. Sherri trips and Sapphire pins her win the match. I didn’t expect this to be good, but I didn’t expect it to be this bad.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 9: The Orient Express def. The Rockers via countout (7:38)

For a Rockers match, this was kinda lame. I was not big on this. Even a 7 minute match should’ve been better. It’s fine though. The Rockers of course, get to fly around and dive on their opponents on the outside. Jannetty gets flung into the ring post and hit with Mr. Fuji’s cane behind the referee’s back. Marty tags Shawn in and the Orient Express wear him down and isolate him from Marty. But Marty gets tagged back in and The Rockers start a comeback. But the finish to this match is weird. Jannetty chases Fuji around the ring, with his cane. Until Sato moves behind him, spins him around and throws salt into his eyes. A blind Marty walks over the barricade and gets counted out. So match over.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 10: Jim Duggan def. Dino Bravo (4:15)

At first, I was a little surprised by how little the reaction for Jim Duggan was… and then I remembered that they’re in Canada and he’s going to the ring with an American flag against Dino Bravo… who was from Quebec. Duggan still has a lot of the crowd behind him despite that. Duggan hits all his big moves… so clotheslines… lots of clotheslines. Dino Bravo wears down Duggan down, but after Duggan gets a comeback, Earthquake distracts the referee while Jimmy Hart throws Duggan’s own 2x4 in the ring for Dino to use. But Duggan kicks him and grabs it out of his hand, slams it over his back and covers Bravo. Earthquake gets back in and jumps Duggan from behind and sits on him 3 times.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 11: Million Dollar Championship Match - Ted DiBiase (c) def. Jake Roberts via countout (11:53)

Before the match, Jake Roberts cuts one of the most underrated backstage promos ever. I love this promo so damn much. And nobody ever talks about it. If you haven’t seen it, I suggest you check it out. It’s not very long, but he says all he needs to say in just a minute. And then this match actually surprised me. It was actually pretty decent. Jake makes 3 attempts at the DDT early in the match, but DiBiase avoids it. Roberts wears down DiBiase early, but DiBiase turns the tide after an attempted knee to the face, and Roberts falls on his back. DiBiase starts wearing down Jake. He hits a piledriver, and locks in the Million Dollar Dream, which Jake gets out of by running at the ropes and DiBiase falls through them. Roberts turns the match around after DiBiase tries to dive at him and Jake hits him in the gut. A back body drop (which might be the 17th back body drop of the night) and a clothesline. He sets up DiBiase for the DDT, but Virgil pulls Jake to the outside and Roberts attacks him. DiBiase puts Jake in the Million Dollar Dream out there, but Roberts takes a run at the ring post and DiBiase hits it, but Virgil throws him back in while Roberts gets counted out. DiBiase and Virgil celebrate this win, but Roberts gets back in, and attacks them both. He finally knocks DiBiase out with a DDT, and stuffs one of DiBiase’s dollar bills in his mouth.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 12: Big Boss Man def. Akeem (1:50)

I almost started this with “The Twin Towers explode” and then realized that may not be the best choice of words. DiBiase never left ringside either I guess because he jumps Boss Man before he gets in the ring. So Boss Man gets jumped and then Akeem throws his weight around on him. But Boss Man still wins. Flinging Akeem into the turnbuckles repeatedly, a clothesline and then a Boss Man slam to win the match in under 2 minutes.

My Rating: *

Match 13: Rick Rude def. Jimmy Snuka (3:51)

An okay match on paper but not much to write about. But it’s only 4 minutes so it’s fine. Snuka starts off hot. Rude gets sent outside and has to regroup. Rude gets back in and gets his shit in too. After Snuka misses a splash, Rude picks him back up and hits the Rude Awakening to win the match. And after a fucking too long undercard, we finally get to the main event.

My Rating: **

Main Event: WWF World Heavyweight & Intercontinental Championship Winner Take All Match - Ultimate Warrior (IC) def. Hulk Hogan (WH) (22:51)

It is actually unbelievable this main event. If a match between these 2 gets nearly 23 minutes, you’d expect it to suck. And to be fair, as a wrestling match, this match isn’t good. But a combination of the crowd, the hype and a good story helps elevate it to a great match. A lot of the early part of the match is them trying to overpower each other. They take turns being the guy in control, but halfway through the match, they hit a double clothesline on each other and after they get up, it’s like a switch gets flipped. Warrior hits Hogan with several clotheslines and goes for a shoulder tackle. Hogan ducks and Warrior hits the referee. As the referee recovers, Hogan pokes Warrior in the eye and rolls him up from behind. Warrior kicks out. This match really feels like a power struggle at this point. They go outside and fight out there, Warrior throws Hogan into the ring post and picks him up in a gorilla press. He drops Hogan and hits a splash to his back. Warrior slowly turns Hogan over and Hogan throws Warrior off and Hulks up. He does his whole thing, the punches, the big boot and attempts the Legdrop. But Warrior moves out of the way and splashes Hogan again to get the 3 count and Hogan kicks out at 3.1. Just so he looks good at the end there. Typically making it about himself. Hogan presents Warrior with the WWF Title and WrestleMania ends with a bunch of sweet looking fireworks and Warrior celebrating.

My Rating: ****

Cagematch Rating: 5.91

My Rating: 4.5/10

Jesus Christ, this show was so long. Shorter than SummerSlam 2016 but felt longer. It’s packed with a fuckton of matches that didn’t matter and went under 10 minutes. This show had very few positives. Andre got a standing ovation on his way out. Jake’s promo and match with DiBiase and the main event. That’s it. Everything else just sucks. There’s almost no enjoyment here.

Oh Saudi, how I missed you… Fuck. Whatever. But hey, it’s another show that’s happened since I started doing this. Crown Jewel 2023

 

[Crocker]

Beefcake beat Perfect because they were setting a match for the IC Title at Summerslam.


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