Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Jarf]

King of the Ring 2000

Match 1: King of the Ring Quarter-Final Match - Rikishi def. Chris Benoit via DQ (3:25)

This was the year after that KOTR when Bob Holly get himself disqualified against X-Pac. So WWE started this year’s KOTR with literally the same thing. They start with some brawling, but Benoit takes control of the match, and he works over Rikishi’s arm which has a big purple bruise on it. He gets Rikishi in the Crossface, but Rikishi grabs the bottom rope and Benoit gets pissed and grabs a steel chair and beats Rikishi with it, before he goes to the top rope and hits a flying headbutt.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 2: King of the Ring Quarter-Final Match - Val Venis def. Eddie Guerrero (8:04)

Sean Morley is back. Shit. This match is actually pretty good, I can’t complain too much. It’s a nice back and forth match. Eddie at some point attempts a Frog Splash, but Venis rolls out of the way and Eddie rolls through it. Venis hits a spinebuster, then attempts a Moneyshot, but Eddie gets the knees up. Eddie hits a Hurricanrana on the top rope, and Trish Stratus (Val’s manager) gets on the apron and tries to distract Eddie, but Chyna yanks her off and Val goes over to grab Chyna, but Chyna hangs him up on the top rope. In the finish, Val hits Eddie with a Fisherman Suplex to advance.

My Rating: ***

Match 3: King of the Ring Quarter-Final Match - Crash Holly def. Bull Buchanan (4:07)

How the hell did they let Bull Buchanan make it to the Quarter-Finals? Bull is much bigger than Crash, so this much is basically Bull punching Crash for a few minutes. Crash gets a close 2 count off a small package. Bull goes for a Scissors Kick, but Crash dodges it and he half nelson pins Bull to make it to the Semi-Finals.

My Rating: *

Match 4: King of the Ring Quarter-Final Match - Kurt Angle def. Chris Jericho (9:50)

Match of the night goes to this. Jericho lights Angle up with chops in the early part of the match, and hits a Lionsault just a little too close to the ropes and Angle gets his foot on the bottom rope. Angle takes the advantage for a few minutes, but Jericho gets back into the match, and from there it’s pretty back and forth. Angle goes for an Angle Slam, but Jericho flips over and lands on his feet, then gets Angle on his back and on his belly in the Walls of Jericho. And Angle taps but Stephanie McMahon has run out to distract the ref. Steph brings the women’s title in the ring and she goes to hit Jericho, but she hits Angle instead. Jericho then grabs Stephanie and plants a kiss on her. Because as we all know, the best babyfaces all commit sexual assault. Can you read the sarcasm in my words? Angle gets back up and he hits an Angle Slam to advance in the tourney.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 5: WWF Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match - Edge & Christian def. Too Cool (c), The Hardy Boyz & T&A (14:11)

Really fun match this was. T&A are eliminated pretty early by The Hardyz and they’re in the ring the first few minutes. Albert tries to stop Jeff from hitting Test with the Swanton, but Jeff jumps over him and hits Test while Matt sends Albert over the ropes. T&A are out first. Most of the next several minutes are Edge and Christian vs The Hardyz and they do some good stuff. They’re very competitive with each other so it’s nice to see them wrestle each other. Christian eliminates The Hardyz after hitting Matt with an Unprettier. Leaving it down to E&C with the champs. And they have a really good final 5 minutes. Edge and Christian put Grandmaster down, and they attempt a double worm, but Scotty runs in and hits them both with a bulldog and then he hits Edge with the Worm. Grandmaster covers Edge, but while the referee’s back is turned, Christian hits Grandmaster with one of the titles and that allows Edge to pin Grandmaster.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 6: King of the Ring Semi-Final Match - Rikishi def. Val Venis (3:15)

Not much to talk about in this match. They start out with some brawling, but it quickly turns into Val working over Rikishi’s bruised arm. Val eventually goes up for the Moneyshot, but Rikishi gets up and catches Val in a belly to belly to go to the finals.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 7: King of the Ring Semi-Final Match - Kurt Angle def. Crash Holly (3:58)

Okay match. Crash’s story in this tournament is that nobody can believe he’s made it this far, and truthfully, he gets a couple near falls on Angle, but Crash’s luck runs out in this match because Angle puts him away with an Angle Slam.

My Rating: **

Match 8: Hardcore Championship Evening Gown Match - Pat Patterson (c) vs. Gerald Brisco ended in a no contest (3:07)

This was every bit as bad as it sounds. They had these two old men dress in drag and fight each other… And I saw wayyyy too much of both of them. Wrestletalk has a series called “Worst Match Ever” and this match was included and I can safely say it belongs in the conversation. Pat Patterson stuffs a maxi pad in Brisco’s mouth at some point… Because fuck. Crash eventually comes out and looks like he’s saving us, but he rips Brisco’s evening gown off because yes, we all needed that to happen… Crash rolls Patterson up to win the Hardcore Title and the match is over… thank fuck…

My Rating: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD

Match 9: 3-on-2 Handicap Dumpster/Tables Match - X-Pac, Road Dogg & Tori def. The Dudley Boyz (9:45)

The Dudleys were on a mission to put every female in the company through a table… Because they’re the babyfaces obviously. DX wheel a dumpster out in front of the ring, and even though this match is No DQ, they have to tag in and out. One of my wrestling pet peeves. Matches where there are no rules except there are. Thankfully, it gets better, with them going outside and brawling. DX tosses the Dudleys into the Dumpster, but they do it while the referee isn’t looking, so they have plenty of time to escape. They get out through the sides and crawl under the ring and come out the other side and blindside Pac and Road Dogg. They set up two tables on the outside and Bubba Ray powerbombs Road Dogg through them from inside the ring. Then D-Von superplexes X-Pac through a table on the inside. And that just leaves Tori. Tori runs from them inside the dumpster, but because there’s no DQs, X-Pac and Road Dogg come back in and hit them both with chair shots and they fall in the dumpster, and DX officially win the match. But the action isn’t over, because Tori was in there with them. Once Pac and RD notice, they run back in and both of them eat a 3D and then Bubba Ray powerbombs Tori through a table from the top rope.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 10: King of the Ring Final Match - Kurt Angle def. Rikishi (5:56)

Not much of a match. Rikishi is coming into this match, hurt and bruised up, so Kurt has a slight advantage. Rikishi attempts a Stinkface, but Angle low blows him. Angle works over the arm of Rikishi. Rikishi gets some offense in but not much as he’s working with one good arm. Angle makes the mistake of going for a sunset flip, but Rikishi sits right on him. He goes to the top rope, but Angle follows him up and he hits a belly to belly from the top to become the King of the Ring.

My Rating: **

Main Event: WWF Championship 6-Man Tag Team Match - The Rock, The Undertaker & Kane def. Triple H (c) & The McMahons (17:54)

The stipulation going into this match is that if anyone from the challenging team gets the pin, that person becomes the champion. So obviously, there is no way The Rock, Taker and Kane are going to act like a team. Tags are only made aggressively by whoever is on the apron. This match is a decent way to end the show. The stipulation is kinda interesting. Chaos ensues in the final several minutes. The Rock and Triple H are fighting in the ring, while Kane and Taker take care of the McMahons on the outside, but inevitably, someone was gonna turn on someone and Kane throws Undertaker into the steel steps. Kane then goes in and gives The Rock a Chokeslam. Triple H gives Kane a thumbs up, but Kane picks him up and drops him with a Tombstone Piledriver. Undertaker drags Kane out of the ring, and hits him with a steel chair, before he goes to the back of the ring. Shane McMahon is standing on the top rope, but Undertaker gets on the apron and grabs him by the throat before he Chokeslams him through the announcer’s table! On the inside of the ring, Vince McMahon makes the mistake of going for the People’s Elbow, but The Rock gets back up and hits Vince with a Rock Bottom to win the WWF Title and Triple H is irate and has a new reason to say “fucking in-laws!”

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 4.84

My Rating: 4.5/10

I was not a fan of this King of the Ring. The one I watched before this one was far superior. A better main event does not automatically make it a better show. This show has it’s moments, but it’s mostly bullshit. Kurt Angle is a good winner, but this tournament feels really underwhelming. If I can fantasy book for just a second. You have Angle, Jericho, Benoit and Eddie all in the Semi-Finals. Angle can beat Eddie and Jericho can beat Benoit, then you have Angle and Jericho in the finals. That could’ve made dramatic improvements to this show really. That Evening Gown Match was atrocious as well. Fuck that match.

I’m wittling my way down the list of In Your Houses to watch. Next is In Your House: It’s Time.

 

[Jarf]

In Your House 12: It’s Time

This is the 69th show I’ve watched… nice.

Match 1: Flash Funk def. Leif Cassidy (10:34)

We start off with a decent match that never really hits second gear. Which is gonna be the running theme of this show really. Flash wears Leif down early and throws him off with his agility. It gets messed up in a couple spots, but they manage to get the match back on track. Leif wears down Flash. At some point he belly to bellies him over the top rope to the floor. He takes a jog down the entrance way and comes back to clothesline Flash. But Flash manages to fight back into the match and he ends the match with a 450 Splash. A decent opener.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Owen Hart & British Bulldog (c) def. “Diesel” & “Razor Ramon” (10:45)

We have Owen and Bulldog against not Kane and dollar store Scott Hall. Very weird match this is really. Bulldog has a feud with Stone Cold going on I guess. Pierroth and Cibernetico come out at some point and they stand there for a solid 2 minutes and then leave. They’re only there so Vince can mention the temporary partnership they have with AAA. Stone Cold comes out at some point also, and Bulldog jumps off the apron and goes after him. Security comes out to take Austin away. Not Kane and the other one isolate Owen for a while, but Owen makes the tag to Bulldog and they all brawl amongst each other. Bulldog goes for a Running Powerslam, but Razor slides off his shoulder, and goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Owen runs in and hits a spinning heel kick, and Bulldog pins him to retain their titles.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 3: Intercontinental Championship Match - Marc Mero def. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (c) via countout (14:03)

Another decent match, but like the opener, they never hit that next gear. Mero is the wildman and he does wildman things, but Hunter wears down Marc. There’s not a whole lot of memorable spots. The match breaks down into more a fight towards the end, with them being on the outside. Hunter grabs his title and goes to hit Mero with it, but Goldust goes down, takes the title out of Hunter’s hands and goes to hit him with it, but hits Mero instead, and then he hits Helmsley. The referee starts counting them. But Mero recovers first and gets back in, but Hunter gets counted out. Mero, out of anger, brings Hunter back in the ring and hits a 450.

My Rating: ***

Match 4: Armageddon Rules Match - The Undertaker def. The Executioner (11:31)

Holy shit, what a mess this match was. The rules to this was so stupid. After a pin or submission, the referee has to count to 10. So it’s a Last Man Standing match but with pinfalls for some dumb reason. In the early parts of the match, you get a good look at Undertaker’s face and he knows this match sucks. Undertaker exposes the concrete on the floor, and goes to Chokeslam him, but Mankind runs out and trips trying to stop him. This is pretty much a handicap from now on. This is the only thing I hate about this feud is that they had cog the machine with goons like Executioner. There is something cool in this where Undertaker throws Mankind into the In Your House tron, and then through the door from the otherside. That’s pretty much it. Other than that, this is just a sloppy, messy piece of garbage. Undertaker and Executioner fight to the outside and Executioner falls into the moat on the outside of the arena… that’s something I guess. Also a bunch of security guards come out and put a straight jacket on Mankind. Leading to me asking “why the fuck do they have a straight jacket?” Undertaker and Executioner come back to the ring. Undertaker hits a Tombstone and pins Executioner, and then the referee has to count to 10 and then Taker is declared the winner.

My Rating: *3/4

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Sycho Sid (c) def. Bret Hart (17:03)

We begin the slow buildup to the Bret Hart heel turn. Bret cuts a pretty heelish promo before the match. Shawn Michaels is on commentary and it’s at this point where I’m wondering if the animosity is there yet, because I could believe there is. This is the best match of the night, but again, it never hits that next gear. Told you that’d be the running theme. Bret uses his technical wrestling ability while Sid uses his power advantage and brawling style. Bret works over Sid’s back for a small portion of the match. But Bret gets sent outside of the ring at some point and then while the referee’s back is turned, Stone Cold runs out and chop blocks Bret’s leg. Bulldog and Owen run out and fight with Stone Cold. Bret gets back in the ring and he’s limping heavily and here is where the match starts to go downhill. Sid doesn’t take advantage of Bret’s injury. It gets messed up in a couple spots. They eventually go outside of the ring. Shawn willingly lets Bret have his chair, but Sid takes it out of his hands and shoves Shawn down. Sid brings Bret back in the ring, but Shawn loses his temper. Sid reverses an irish whip and Bret hits Shawn who was standing on the apron and goes flying off. Sid finishes off a stunned Bret Hart with a Powerbomb. An irate Bret attacks Shawn after the match and you can just feel the perfect storm brewing with this ending.

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 4.84

My Rating: 4/10

This show isn’t extremely awful, aside from that Armageddon Rules Match. But there’s also nothing really good on this show either. It’s not offensively bad, I’ve definitely watched worse, but it’s sooooooo not worth seeking out for any reason.

Oh would you look at that. We have another Survivor Series on our plate. This one will be the 2006 edition of the show.

 

[Jarf]

Survivor Series 2006

Match 1: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Sgt. Slaughter & Ron Simmons def. The Spirit Squad (Kenny, Johnny, Nicky & Mikey) (10:34)

If they wanted to start the show off the worst possible way they could, they couldn’t have picked a better way than with old men vs cheerleaders which sounds like something you’d probably find on a NSFW website. Ron Simmons is out in two minutes. He gets tripped by Mitch on the outside and goes after him and he chases him for so long that he gets counted out. A few minutes later, Sgt. Slaughter gets eliminated by Nicky, aka Dolph Ziggler, but Nicky is out a moment later by a Bionic Elbow from Dusty. Kenny eliminates Dusty a moment later. Leaving Flair against 3 cheerleaders. Flair gets his feet on the ropes when he pins Mikey. He rolls Kenny up in a Small Package a minute later, and he becomes the sole survivor by making Johnny tap out to the Figure 4. But every member of the Spirit Squad comes out and they all gang up on Flair, and Kenny hits a Legdrop from the top rope. The good news is the worst match is over with. The bad news is this isn’t the worst moment of the evening…

My Rating: *

Match 2: United States Championship Match - Chris Benoit (c) def. Chavo Guerrero (8:23)

It’s been a full year at this point and WWE were still using Eddie’s death to fuel storylines. And I don’t think Eddie would’ve had a problem with that, but let the man rest in peace please. This match is decent, but it never hits that next gear. Chavo wears down Benoit for a small portion of the match. But when Benoit gets into the match, Vickie is outside to help Chavo. Benoit attempts a Diving Headbutt, but Vickie grabs him by the ankle. The referee notices, and reprimands Vickie, but the distraction was just enough for Chavo to recover and move out of the way of the Headbutt. Benoit kicks out and Chavo talks trash to him, and Benoit grabs his legs and tries to put him in the Sharpshooter, but Chavo kicks him off, into Vickie who just got on the apron. Chavo doesn’t seem to care though as he tries to roll up Benoit, who reverses it into a Crossface that Chavo taps out to.

My Rating: ***

Match 3: Women’s Championship Match - Mickie James def. Lita (c) (8:20)

Ohhhhhh this pissed me off. This pissed me off so bad. So this match is announced as Lita’s final match. She’s still a heel though and she’s getting no cheers from the crowd. This match isn’t bad, it’s just really slow. Lita wears down Mickie for a few minutes, but Mickie shows resiliency by kicking out of Lita’s moonsault. Mickie fights back and hits a roundhouse kick that hits Lita in the face or at least came close. Mickie wins with a Leaping DDT. So Lita puts over the new talent on her way out. That’s cool. So how does WWE thank her for putting over Mickie, all her years of hard work. All the injuries she suffered and all the times she took being called a hoe on the chin? Why they have Cryme Tyme come out with a box of her panties (definitely not her actual panties, but that’s not the point) and they sell them to people in the crowd. Which is incredibly creepy as it is. But this is by far the worst way she could’ve gone out! They sell her panties while she screams and cries in the ring! Just utterly shitty! She deserved so much better! My rating for this is for the match, not the aftermath, otherwise this would get a DUD!

My Rating: **1/4

Match 4: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - D-Generation X, The Hardy Boyz & CM Punk def. Rated RKO, Johnny Nitro, Gregory Helms & Mike Knox (11:33)

Pretty exciting match really. Not spectacular but it’s fast paced. What’s cool about this match is that CM Punk gets cheered louder than anyone on his team. Louder than DX and The Hardyz. He was so over. Mike Knox is eliminated in less than a minute. He eats a Superkick from Shawn. And in a matter of moments, Mike Knox was buried because the next thing Shawn does is ask his team “who was that?” and asking if he was in the match. Nitro gets in next and remember that moment when Shawn slides outside the ring and drapes his arm around Melina and she screams? This is that show. So that’s something at least. CM Punk gets in and after a few minutes, he eliminates Nitro with an Anaconda Vice. The remaining members of the heel team isolate Punk for a short time and he gets an RKO, but the pin is broken up by Shawn. Gregory Helms gets the tag. Shawn and Jeff dive on Edge and Orton on the outside, meanwhile Matt Hardy gets tagged in and hits a Twist of Fate, followed by a Swanton by Jeff and Helms is out. Edge and Orton try to leave, but Team DX run after them and drag them back to the ring. They gang up on Edge, he gets a knee and bulldog from Punk. Then he gets a Superkick from Michaels and Edge is gone. Orton looks in the ring, realizes he’s the only one left and he tries to run away through the crowd. But The Hardyz and Punk chase him and drag him back to the ring, where he gets a Superkick and a Pedigree and Team DX gets a clean sweep.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 5: First Blood Match - Mr. Kennedy def. The Undertaker (9:24)

To be honest, I like Mr. Kennedy. Not so much as a kid, but when I look back on his stuff in his short time in the company, I can see what Vince saw in him. It’s a shame it didn’t work out. Kennedy had apparently put vaseline on his forehead to prevent bleeding. This match is mainly Undertaker beating the absolute piss out of Kennedy. Undertaker gets tired of trying to make Kennedy bleed from the face, so he goes after Kennedy’s ribs to try to make him bleed internally. And he succeeds. Kennedy low blows Undertaker and the referee checks on him while Kennedy rolls out of the ring and he’s bleeding from the mouth. But MVP saves his ass, he wipes off any blood that falls on the floor and from Kennedy’s mouth. MVP tells him he doesn’t need this, but as payback for Kennedy throwing him into the Brothers of Destruction weeks before, he throws Kennedy back in the ring into the waiting arms of The Undertaker. But in the finish. MVP comes back, he grabs a chair and he takes a swing that was meant for Kennedy, but he hits Undertaker instead. Taker is bleeding profusely, and Kennedy is declared the winner. But if we know Taker’s history, we know he has a bit of a temper. He continues to beat the shit out of Kennedy after the match. Including wrapping a chair around Kennedy’s head and now Kennedy’s head is bleeding. He leaves Kennedy an absolute mess.

My Rating: ***

Match 6: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - John Cena, Bobby Lashley, Kane, Sabu & Rob Van Dam def. Big Show, Finlay, Test, MVP & Umaga (12:35)

Not a bad match, but it’s really uninteresting. It also doesn’t help that my favorites were taken out early. Umaga is out early and I get it. That’s fine. He gets himself disqualified in less than a minute by hitting RVD, Sabu and Cena with a TV monitor. They wanted to keep his streak intact without hurting him. The heels isolate RVD for a short time, but RVD goes wild on all of them, he gets a flurry. He eliminates MVP with a 5 Star, but he’s taken out a second later after a Big Boot from Test. The next few eliminations happen in quick succession. Lashley Spears Test on the outside and Sabu eliminates him moments later after springboard DDT. Big Show gets in next and then he gets Chokeslammed by Big Show and he’s out. Kane gets in there with Big Show and all they do is that spot that they did every time after 2000, where they choke each other. Hornswoggle runs in the ring. He runs between them and that distracts the ref long enough for Finlay to come in and hit Kane with his shillelagh and then a Chokeslam later, Kane is out. The way they eliminate Finlay is cool I guess but they mess up the spot slightly. Finlay carries Hornswoggle into the ring and tosses him at Cena as Lashley goes to Spear Finlay. Finlay is out. Big Show lasts 2 more minutes. He gets shoulder tackled by Lashley and then FU’d by Cena.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: World Heavyweight Championship Last Chance Match - Batista def. King Booker (c) (13:58)

I don’t think I hate this match as much as other people, but this is a pretty dull main event. Teddy Long comes out before the entrances and announces that since it’s Batista’s last chance, it’s only fair that he gives Booker a handicap too. If Booker gets DQ’d or counted out, he loses the title. Which leads to one my new favorite commentary lines late into the match where JBL accuses Teddy of being racist against Booker which is funny on so many different levels. Booker takes so long to get to the ring that Batista loses his patience and goes up to bring Booker to the ring himself. They tell an alright story where Booker targets Batista’s injured throat. But most of this match is a lot of nothing. It doesn’t feel like it’s 14 minutes either, it feels longer than that. It has a good ending at least. Batista hits a Batista Bomb, but Booker rolls over to the ropes, and he grabs the bottom rope as Batista covers him. Sharmell slides the world title into the ring. Then she gets in the ring and Batista teases powerbombing her, but decides he’s better than that. While the ref is getting Sharmell out of the ring, Booker tries to hit Batista with the title, but he misses and Batista takes the title and hits Booker with it to win the title back.

My Rating: **1/2

Cagematch Rating: 4.84

My Rating: 4/10

This show was not very good, but the wrestling would normally warrant a 5 out of me. The only terrible match is the opener and everything else is just meh or solid. But the way they treated Lita on her way out was absolutely disgusting. That was beyond shitty.

Next I'm coming back In Your House. I know I keep showing up unannounced, I'm sorry... bad joke, I know. It's In Your House: Ground Zero

 

[Jarf]

In Your House 17: Ground Zero

Match 1: Brian Pillman def. Goldust (11:05)

Good god, this was so fucking weird. I can suspend my disbelief for quite a bit, but the stipulation for this match is just fucked up. It’s even worse that this is the opening match. What a way to start. The stipulation is that if Pillman wins, he gets Marlena for 30 days and she pretty much has to do whatever he wants… The match itself is okay, not really worth talking about for very long though. Although I do think Pillman’s ankle was bothering him in this match. He was never the same after his car accident. It doesn’t help that Goldust throws Pillman off the top rope onto the guardrail outside. In the finish, the referee gets knocked down and while Goldust is trying to get him back up. Marlena gets on the apron and she tries to hit him with her purse, but Pillman grabs her arm and takes it out of her hand and hits Goldust with it. We later find out it had a brick in it. Pillman pins Goldust and he grabs Marlena and forces her backstage and eventually into the back of a car… God this is so fucking weird. This is basically kidnapping.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 2: Brian Christopher def. Scott Putski via countout (4:40)

A match not even good enough to be on Raw if I’m being honest, yet here it was on PPV. We’re not off to a good start to this show. There isn’t a whole lot to talk about apart from the end. Brian planches over the top and lands on Scott, who injures his knee, and he stays on the floor and gets counted out. I think there was supposed to be a post match beatdown, but Scott is actually fucked up so Lawler laughs and declares Brian Christopher the winner. So far we’ve had a kidnapping and an injury…

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 3: Triple Threat Match - Savio Vega def. Faarooq & Crush (11:39)

The first ever Triple Threat Match in WWE I think. And it’s a miracle there was more because this was awful. So Faarooq kicked Savio and Crush out of the Nation and both of them said “I’ll start my own faction, with blackjack and hookers.” So I expected all the members of their respective groups to come out and there’d be a big brawl, which would’ve made this match so much better. All 3 of these look confused for a lot of the match, lots a of poorly timed pins with the 3rd guy standing right there. There’s also some double teams where both guys look like they don’t know what to do. This was not a good way to debut the Triple Threat. Vince McMahon also does a terrible fucking job at calling this match because he seems so perplexed when a pin gets broken up… Just terrible.

My Rating: *

Match 4: Max Mini def. El Torito (9:20)

No, not the El Torito you’re thinking about. This is a midget match, but despite that, there is a clear size difference between the two. Jerry Lawler says “El Torito is the biggest little person I’ve ever seen.” And that’s a pretty good description. It’s a mix of good wrestling and comedy. El Torito is the stronger of the two, but Max Mini is extremely athletic. El Torito bites Max twice, and Max Mini complains to the referee about it and then bites him. Max Mini at some point hits a springboard moonsault off the top rope onto Torito on the outside! I don’t remember much about the finish, but I remember enjoying this match. Sorry, not sorry.

My Rating: ***

After this match, Jim Ross and Sgt. Slaughter call out Stone Cold and Dude Love who are the Tag Team Champions. Slaughter forces them to give up their titles due to Austin’s injury. And Austin is so pissed off about it. He flips his lid on Slaughter, he flips his lid on Jim Ross. He drops his title at Slaughter’s feet and says “drop and give me 20.” Jim Ross gives this speech about how he hopes Austin recovers and wants to see him get back in the ring. Super nice guy…. So anyway, Austin Stuns him and the crowd loses their mind. Austin comes off as such a heel in this and the crowd goes wild for anything he does. He can do no wrong. I’m not sure if they were trying to turn him heel, but clearly it didn’t work.

Match 5: Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match for the vacant WWF Tag Team Championship - The Headbangers def. Owen Hart & British Bulldog, The Legion of Doom & The Godwinns (17:15)

This match sucked hard. I don’t know who produced this match, but whoever it was is an idiot. Owen and Bulldog, the two best wrestlers in the match are hardly even in the match until the final 2. And LOD, the clear favorites and greatest tag team of all time at this point, are hardly in it themselves for the time they’re in the match. Which means a lot of the wrestling is between The Headbangers and The Godwinns… Seriously, idiotic. When LOD does get in there, they get disqualified for hitting The Godwinns with their buckets and they’re out first which is lame as fuck. The Godwinns try to double back body Mosh (or was it Thrasher?), but the Headbanger sunset flips Phineas while the other clotheslines Henry. And The Godwinns are out. The final 2 teams go at it for a few more minutes. Thrasher and Bulldog are fighting on the outside and that distracts the referee to allow Stone Cold to run out and Stun Owen as payback for dropping him on his head at SummerSlam and The Headbangers are the new Tag Team Champions.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 6: WWF Championship Match - Bret Hart (c) def. The Patriot (19:20)

So question for anyone who may have been watching back then. Did anybody actually believe The Patriot was going to win or even had a shot at winning? There’s no way. Although they try to make you believe he has a chance, and to their credit, he does look good thanks to the efforts of Bret Hart. Bret goes after Patriot’s knee for hot minute. Bulldog comes out while they’re fighting. Patriot hits Bret with the “Uncle Slam” (yes that’s what they called it, which is just a full nelson slam) Bulldog pulls Bret out of the ring to save the title. But Vader runs down and takes care of Bulldog and he ends up hitting Bret. Bret gets back in the ring and raises his hand because it should be a disqualification but the referee decides to not do his job and lets the match continue. Because fuck you that’s why. Patriot hits another Uncle Slam, but Bret grabs the bottom rope. Patriot gets increasingly frustrated that he can’t keep Bret down. He puts Bret in his own Sharpshooter, but Bret reaches back, grabs Patriot’s leg and reverses it into his own Sharpshooter. Patriot doesn’t tap, but the referee calls for the bell. Bret continues beating Patriot up after the match is over. Who could’ve foreseen this result?

My Rating: ***1/2

Main Event: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker ended in a no contest (16:03)

The first match between these two, and though this doesn’t live up to matches they would have later, in this match you can clearly see they may have something here with these two paired up. I call this match, “ref bump: the musical.” Because damn it was a bad day to be a referee in the WWF. Before the bell even rings, Shawn tosses Mike Chioda into Taker, who punches his lights out. The next few minutes are Undertaker beating the shit out of Shawn everywhere. He even tosses poor Chioda over the top rope onto Shawn. He beats him on the stage, the ring, the announcer’s tables. It takes forever for another ref to run down. While Undertaker is backing down Earl Hebner, Shawn runs in and chop blocks Taker’s leg and now the match has started. Shawn may have gotten the drop on Taker, but the first half of this match is all Taker. Shawn gets some offense in, but it has seemingly no effect on him. Shawn brings a chair into the ring, but he gets booted by Shawn. This leads to Hebner getting bumped when he tries to take the chair from Taker, and Shawn dropkicks Taker in the back into Hebner. Rick Rude comes down and tosses a pair of brass knuckles to Shawn and he hits Taker with it. Another referee runs down and counts the pin, but Undertaker kicks out, and Shawn punches this referee now. Triple H and Chyna run down and they interfere a few times. It seems like Shawn is finally wearing down the Deadman, but Undertaker recovers and lays into Shawn. He takes the brass knucks out of Shawn’s tights and hits him with it. Earl Hebner wakes up and he crawls over to count the pin, but Shawn kicks out. Hebner then eats a Chokeslam from Taker. So Tim White runs down and calls for the bell and I don’t fucking blame him. Tim White puts his foot down! No more referees will be sacrificed! Chaos ensues after the match. Triple H and Shawn double teams Taker and a bunch of people run out. Triple H takes a Tombstone, and some wrestlers run out to try and separate them all. Undertaker breaks free and leaps over the top rope onto the gaggle of wrestlers on the outside including Shawn. Shawn gets the hell outta there and Undertaker poses in the ring. The non-finish is a bit annoying, but this match was really entertaining and I don’t think anybody was gonna complain if we saw these two fight again.

My Rating: ****

Cagematch Rating: 4.84

My Rating: 4.5/10

This show stunk really. The WWF Title match was good even if it was predictable. That main event was great even with the non-finish. Hell even the mini match was decent, it got the crowd into it. But everything else sucks and not just a little bit. It sucks a lot.

Next up, we have to come back to the 2010s. Battleground 2014.

 

[Sky]

You should put these match ratings on Cagematch, some of these need more ratings especially the ones from the bad PPVs

 

[Jarf]

You should put these match ratings on Cagematch, some of these need more ratings especially the ones from the bad PPVs

I have to register, but I think you're right

 

[Jarf]

Battleground 2014

Sorry about the late post, I only watched this last night. Been feeling burnt out lately, but I’m back.

Match 1: WWE Tag Team Championship 2 Out of 3 Falls Match - The Usos (c) def. The Wyatt Family (Harper & Rowan) (18:50)

I. Love. This. Match! This was an awesome way to start the show off. Although I maintain that the Wyatts should’ve won this match, this was damn great. Harper is the MVP of this match. He was truly underappreciated by this company. The first 2 falls are over quick. The Wyatts isolate Jey from Jimmy, but Jimmy gets the tag, but one big boot from Harper gets them the first fall. The second fall is over with a lucky rollup on Harper. The third fall is what makes this match great! When Jey makes the tag to Jimmy, he goes wild. He dives on both Harper and Rowan. Harper and Jimmy have a one on one match for a bit. Harper hits a suicide dive on Jimmy and rolls him back in. He goes to dive on Jey, but Jey hits him with a superkick through the ropes and Jimmy nearly rolls him up again, but there’s a kickout. The crowd begins chanting this is awesome and Harper’s face says it all. He knows they’re doing something great. Harper tags in Rowan, and Rowan attempts a splash on Jimmy, but he misses. Jimmy crotches Harper on the top rope, and Jey gets tagged in. Jey hits a Splash on Rowan, but Rowan kicks out! Jey goes back up to try and hit another one, but Rowan meets him there, and Jimmy goes up to help, but Rowan hits a double suplex on both Usos! Harper comes back in. Him and Jey (or was it Jimmy) go at it. Harper attempts a Discus Clothesline, but he gets superkicked, but Harper does a full spin and hits the Clothesline anyway! Harper covers, but the match is saved by the other Uso. Both Usos finish the match off with a double superkick on Harper, then they hit a double superkick on Rowan and then they hit a double Splash on Harper to win the 3rd fall. Awesome match that doesn’t get near enough love.

My Rating: ****

Then after this is supposed be Seth Rollins vs Dean Ambrose. They play the video package for it and everything. But WWE had different plans I guess. I’ll be honest, I totally forgot this match was supposed to happen on this show. But Rollins is doing an interview and he’s jumped by Ambrose. But Triple H and security guards show up and HHH tells them to throw Dean out of the building. So no match… I guess.

Match 2: Divas Championship Match - AJ Lee (c) def. Paige (7:02)

So now, after WWE cucked their audience by not giving them the match they promised, poor AJ and Paige are sent out to try and put on a match. And this crowd is not into it. Thankfully it’s not very long. It’s not that good, they botch a couple spots but nothing major. Paige works a heel style even though she’s not a heel yet. AJ gets Paige in the Black Widow, but Paige manages to get out and she hits the Paige Turn for a 2 count. Paige tries to put AJ in her own submission, but AJ gets out and arm drags Paige across the ring, before she hits a Shining Wizard to retain her title.

My Rating: **

Match 3: Rusev def. Jack Swagger via countout (9:45)

Here we are with a classic WWE trope. Foreign heels. An okay match, but that’s just it. Swagger frustrates Rusev early, but Rusev takes control of the match and Swagger gets frustrated. Rusev sets up for the Machka kick, but Swagger catches his ankle and puts him in the Patriot Lock. Rusev crawls and scratches his way to the ropes and to the outside. Swagger goes out and puts the Patriot Lock back on Rusev, but Rusev rolls and Swagger’s head hits the ring post. Rusev rolls back in the ring and Swagger gets counted out. Swagger rolls back in and he gets put in the Accolade for his troubles.

My Rating: **1/2

After this, Seth Rollins comes out and demands the referee declares him the winner by forfeit. And he does and they announce Rollins the winner, but then Ambrose runs out and he throws Rollins around until security come out and they grab Ambrose, but then Seth runs over and the security has to pull them apart again.

Match 4: Chris Jericho def. Bray Wyatt (15:03)

Bray comes out with a disgusting bruised eye. It makes him kinda cool though, not gonna lie. This match is okay, but I wouldn’t say it’s good either. What saves it is the fact it isn’t a boring “heel wears down the face” match, it’s kinda back and forth for almost the whole thing. Harper and Rowan are out there with Bray, but they get sent to the back and Bray takes advantage of Jericho’s distraction but knocking him off the apron into the camera man on the outside. There’s some pretty neck counters in this match including when Jericho goes for a Lionsault, but Bray gets his knees up and then he does the spider walk thing he did. Bray goes for a Sister Abigail, but Jericho reverses and gets Bray on his back to go for the Walls of Jericho, but Bray shoves Jericho off. This match has such an abrupt ending. Jericho hits the Codebreaker, there’s no pop for it, probably because everyone thought Bray was winning, but it’s over after that. Surprising result I must say.

My Rating: **3/4

So then after that, Seth Rollins is being escorted to the parking lot by a couple security guards, but Rollins makes the mistake of telling them he doesn’t need security. Moments later, Ambrose pops out of the trunk of a car and attacks Rollins. Rollins manages to jump in a car and drive away, leaving his luggage behind in the parking lot.

Match 5: Battle Royal for the vacant Intercontinental Championship - The Miz won by last eliminating Dolph Ziggler (14:11)

Bad News Barrett was forced to give up his title because of an injury. The first half of this match isn’t anything special, but once the field starts whittling down, it gets good. The best parts of this match involve Cesaro and Kofi. Cesaro on the apron tries to back drop Kofi over himself, but Kofi hangs onto Cesaro’s legs so he’s in a sunset flip position while Cesaro is hanging on for dear life on the ropes, so Kofi manages to lift his lower body up and hook his legs around Cesaro and slide back in the ring! Then later, after Big E. has been eliminated, Kofi gets thrown out by Cesaro, but Kofi lands on Big E.’s shoulders and Cesaro grabs Kofi and gets him up for a suplex and Kofi drops back in the ring. Cesaro does manage to eliminate Kofi by suplexing him back over the ropes. We eventually get down to Ziggler and Sheamus in the ring and Dolph eliminates him after a superkick, but Miz who was outside for the most of the match and the cameras were on him a few times while he was out there and nobody on commentary acknowledged it hilariously, runs back in and eliminates Ziggler to win the title.

My Rating: ***

Main Event: WWE World Heavyweight Championship Fatal 4-Way Match - John Cena (c) def. Roman Reigns, Randy Orton & Kane (18:16)

A match as predictable as the sun coming up. Honestly, I remember this match and having zero investment whatsoever. And this in my opinion was the start of the downfall to the Roman Reigns push because it really feels like he left Dean behind before the fallout of the Shield storyline was complete. But anyway, I’ve seen mixed reviews on this match. I’ve seen people who thought it was meh and others who thought it was great. I wasn’t a big fan of this. It has it’s moments, but that’s all they are is moments. Most of this is just boring. Kane and Orton work together at first, but predictably they begin fighting too. You would think authority figures in wrestling would figure out this never works the way they plan it out. Cena and Roman do the same spot in this match 3 times where they stare into each other’s eyes forever. The first two times they do it, they’re stopped by Orton and Kane. And the third time, they stare forever and I’m wondering if they’re gonna kiss or fight. Surprisingly they ki- no, they fight. Roman hits a Spear on Cena, but it gets broken up by Kane. Roman takes out all of his opponents and he hits a Spear on Orton through the barricade. In the finish, we get Roman hitting Kane with a Spear, but Orton comes back in and hits an RKO on Roman, then Cena comes in and hits an AA on Orton onto Kane and Cena covers Kane to retain the title and then the show’s over.

My Rating: **3/4

Cagematch Rating: 4.85

My Rating: 5/10

Not a fan of this show, but I wouldn’t say it’s terrible either. Aside from not giving us Dean vs Seth. The opener was the highlight of the night. That main event was impossible to get invested in though, so that brings it down a few points.

Up next is the end of Ryback’s Goldberg push. Hell in a Cell 2012.

 

[Chris]

Seems like a standard "bad show" from that time where they shoot themselves in the foot despite very good work going on in-ring. These are shows I can never be too down on especially seeing what else you've reviewed lol

 

[Jarf]

Seems like a standard "bad show" from that time where they shoot themselves in the foot despite very good work going on in-ring. These are shows I can never be too down on especially seeing what else you've reviewed lol

Even watching this now even though I know the Ambrose/Rollins Match wasn’t happening, after seeing it get canned, you really lose interest in this show

 

[Sky]

Was this around the time that Miz was being weirdly and unconvincingly babyface

 

[Chris]

Was this around the time that Miz was being weirdly and unconvincingly babyface

Nah he literally just camped out the whole match by the title and in view of the camera so not a shock when he came in for the heel screwjob lol I don't remember that face run timeline, maybe late 2013 or later after this show in 2014

 

[Jarf]

Nah he literally just camped out the whole match by the title and in view of the camera so not a shock when he came in for the heel screwjob lol I don't remember that face run timeline, maybe late 2013 or later after this show in 2014

It's bad too, the camera is on him for like a solid 30 seconds and nobody on commentary said anything about it

 

[Jarf]

Hell in a Cell 2012

Match 1: Randy Orton def. Alberto Del Rio (12:40)

Solid match to start the show, but it’s nothing to write home about. Orton starts off flooring Del Rio early, but a distraction from Ricardo on the outside allows Del Rio to take advantage and then he starts softening Orton’s arm for the Cross Armbreaker. He gets too overconfident however and he tries to steal Orton’s RKO, but Orton shoves Del Rio off and Alberto charges Orton, but Orton sidesteps and Del Rio goes through the second rope in position for the draping DDT. Del Rio eventually manages to get Orton in the Armbreaker, and Orton escapes. They mess up a spot where Del Rio was supposed to jump off the top and Orton was supposed to dropkick him, but Del Rio lands on his feet and Orton forgot to dropkick I guess. The finish is good with Orton finding another way to hit the RKO. Del Rio goes for the enzigiri off the ropes, but Orton drops under the kick and he hits the RKO on a dropping Del Rio.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Team Rhodes Scholars def. Team Hell No (c) via DQ (13:10)

I love Team Hell No. Kane and D-Bry together was just pure entertainment. An okay match here, Rhodes and Sandow weaken Kane’s leg and try to isolate him from Bryan, but Kane is more powerful than them and he makes the tag to Bryan. Daniel is eventually stopped and he gets the isolation treatment. He’s eventually able to reach Kane and goes buck wild on both Rhodes and Sandow. He hits a leaping clothesline from the top rope on Cody, and he sets up for the Chokeslam, but Bryan tags himself in and hits a Diving Headbutt. He covers, but Kane pulls him off and this team starts falling apart. Kane throws Sandow on the outside while Cody hits a Cross Rhodes on Bryan on the inside. Kane breaks it up and he loses his temper and beats on Cody in the corner and that causes the DQ. Kane and Bryan argue after the match and later have a really good backstage segment.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 3: Intercontinental Championship Match - Kofi Kingston (c) def. The Miz (10:20)

Not big on this match. It’s fine, but it’s pretty boring. Each man tries to hit their finish early, and each man is able to avoid it. Miz takes control of the match and works over Kofi’s leg, which is smart because of the Trouble in Paradise. Miz puts Kofi in a half boston crab, but Kofi gets out. Miz tries a Skull Crushing Finale, but he gets arm dragged to the outside. Miz runs back in and is hit with a Trouble in Paradise with Kofi’s good leg.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 4: United States Championship Match - Antonio Cesaro (c) def. Justin Gabriel (7:20)

Another okay match, but it’s pretty much the same match that just happened, where Cesaro wears down Gabriel. Gabriel fights back. What bumps this match up a rating is the finish. Gabriel sends Cesaro to the outside. And Gabriel springboards off the top rope and he flies into an uppercut from Cesaro. Cesaro gut wrenches Gabriel back in the ring and then he hits the Neutralizer to retain the US Title.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 5: Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara def. The Prime Time Players (12:30)

Boring ass match which is something I shouldn’t be saying about a Rey Mysterio match. He’s gonna be on the apron for most of the match though because the Prime Time Players isolate Sin Cara for a while because they gotta fill 12 and a half minutes. Sin Cara gets hurt in this match, because of course he did. It’s pretty nasty, he lands on his head. He eventually makes the hot tag to Rey, who picks up the pace of this match. Sin Cara dives on Titus on the outside before Rey hits a 619 followed by a splash on Darren Young to win the match.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 6: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Big Show def. Sheamus (c) (20:15)

Wow. This match has so much going against it, yet it was surprisingly good. A very nice slugfest. And the weird thing is that Sheamus is weirdly good at fighting from down under, between this and the Gunther match 10 years apart from this match. A lot of this match is Big Show beating on Sheamus. Sheamus’ chest is beat red by the end of this match. He throws Sheamus over the announce table, over the ropes like he’s a small man. Sheamus covers Big Show and Big Show tosses him out of the ring. Sheamus fights back into the match after he reverses a chokeslam into a DDT. He can’t avoid the Chokeslam though, but he kicks out after it’s hit. Sheamus goes for a Brogue Kick, but Big Show catches his boot, and then hits the KO punch. Except it doesn’t KO Sheamus, because Sheamus kicks out, something nobody had done yet at this point. Big Show goes for another one, but Sheamus ducks under, runs off the ropes and hits the Brogue Kick for a 2 count. Sheamus goes for one more, but Big Show sidesteps it and hits another punch to win the World Title. Why was this match so good? There’s no reason this match should’ve been as good as it was, but this was damn great.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 7: Divas Championship Triple Threat Match - Eve Torres (c) def. Kaitlyn & Layla (6:30)

An okay match here, but it’s your typical divas match at this point. I always thought Eve was a decent wrestler for being around in the divas era though. Kaitlyn and Layla work together at first, but they turn on each other not long into the match. Layla gets sent to the outside, and Eve targets Kaitlyn’s leg which was injured at Night of Champions the month before. They do a spot where Eve catches Layla’s leg and throws her so she’s doing the splits. Layla catches Eve’s leg and throws her off and Eve is doing splits now. Kaitlyn hobbles back in the ring and bumps their heads together. Kaitlyn forgets to sell her leg after this point, but she was still fairly green, so I can overlook that. She powerslams Layla and covers her. But Eve hits a senton from the middle rope and covers Layla to retain.

My Rating: **1/4

Main Event: WWE Championship Hell in a Cell Match - CM Punk (c) def. Ryback (11:25)

I don’t hate this match as much as most people do. I don’t think it’s good, but I don’t think it’s bad either. But this is a situation much like Hell in a Cell 2019, where they had no plans of taking the belt off the champion, but wanted to protect the challenger. What is it with this PPV and booking themselves into a corner? I don’t think Ryback should’ve won, but if you wanted to protect him, you could always not book this match. It starts off exactly how I thought it would, with Ryback tossing Punk around the cell and basically dominating Punk. So Punk has to fight to survive. Punk gets plenty of offense in, but a lot of it seems to have almost no effect on Ryback. Punk gets to the point where he wails on Ryback with a kendo stick, but Ryback shoves it off. He hits the Meathook clothesline and then picks Punk up for the Shell Shock, but Brad Maddox, the referee, steps in front of him and hits him in the penis. Punk slides off and rolls Ryback up, and Maddox fast counts and Ryback’s undefeated streak is over. I’ve seen people say Ryback should’ve won this match, and while I strongly, STRONGLY disagree, I can see why they think that. Ryback was over even if he was just a Goldberg ripoff. After the match, Ryback murders Brad Maddox, before he turns to Punk. This ending makes Punk look dumb as hell. Of all the places he could run, he chooses… to climb the cell? Of all places? Honestly, he deserved to get his ass kicked for being this dumb. He gets a Shell Shock at the top of the cage and Ryback stands non-triumphant at the top of the cell.

My Rating: **1/2

Cagematch Rating: 4.85

My Rating: 5/10

Not a bad show, but it definitely isn’t a good one either. The main event is so not worth checking out. I recommend the Sheamus and Big Show match. It still blows my mind it was as good as it was. But so much of this card feels like an episode of Raw. Not a show worth watching.

Up next is King of the… Oh wait, I watched that one. The ratings are changing on me, I’m afraid I’m gonna miss one. It’s ironic that on this show, I watched Punk vs Ryback with Heyman in Punk's corner. It’s crazy how things drastically change on this next show, which is Night of Champions 2013.

 

[Jarf]

Night of Champions 2013

The night starts with a promo weirdly enough. Triple H comes out and declares that in the main event between Orton and D-Bry, there will be no interference from anybody. Paul Heyman, who looks disheveled, and Curtis Axel interrupt them and Heyman begs HHH to call off the match with CM Punk later. Triple H assures him the match will be happening. Axel runs his mouth off to HHH, who remembers that every title is supposed to be on the line at Night of Champions, and Axel, who is the Intercontinental Champion, has no opponent. Triple H says the first person he passes when he gets backstage will be Axel’s challenger. Kofi’s music hits a moment later.

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Match - Curtis Axel (c) def. Kofi Kingston (13:54)

This match was pretty decent. A solid opener to start us off. The funny thing is that Heyman seems out of it for most of this match. Kofi hurts Axel’s knee in this match and Curtis seems to be favoring that. Kofi throws Axel off early with his athletic agility, but Axel takes control of the match. At some point in the match, Kofi goes for a springboard, but he’s dropkicked in mid-air by Axel. He goes for the swinging neckbreaker, but Kofi reverses and hits the SOS, making Heyman have a heart attack on the outside, but Axel kicks out. Axel hangs Kofi up on the top rope and then hits the Neckbreaker to retain the title. But he has another match later.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 2: Divas Championship Fatal 4-Way Match - AJ Lee (c) def. Natalya, Naomi & Brie Bella (5:36)

Ooooof, this was rough. It starts out okay, but it really starts to fall apart towards the end. Nattie, Naomi and Brie all gang up on AJ at the start, because this is following when she cut the female version of the pipe bomb. But it’s every woman for herself. The first rough spot is when Naomi tries a crossbody, and misses Nattie entirely, but Natalya still bumps for it. I don’t know what happened there, whether Naomi jumped too far or if Nattie got too close, but it looked so bad, and I felt so bad for these girls. Then later, Natalya body slams Brie onto Naomi, and I wouldn’t have noticed this is the commentary hadn’t pointed it out, Brie is on top of Naomi with her shoulders down. If the referee had done his job, Brie definitely should’ve won this match. But this is to set up a double Sharpshooter that gets broken up by AJ, who gets Nattie in the Black Widow to retain.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Rob Van Dam def. Alberto Del Rio (c) via DQ (13:30)

Another decent match, but it’s not as good as the match they would have at Battleground. RVD throws Del Rio off quickly, but Del Rio takes control after he hangs Van Dam up on the top rope, then he hits a suicide dive onto RVD. Del Rio wears down RVD, but Del Rio tries another suicide dive, but he misses. It’s fairly even from this point. Del Rio tries to come off the top rope, but he gets a spinning heel kick from Van Dam. RVD then goes up for the 5 Star, but Del Rio ges his knees up and from there, he gets RVD in the Cross Armbreaker. RVD is in the hold for a while, but he’s able to reach the ropes. Del Rio gets disqualified after he refuses to let go of the hold, he’s DQ’d on the count of 5. RVD is announced as the winner, but Del Rio retains the title. He attacks RVD after the match, and he brings a steel chair in the ring. But Ricardo takes it out of his hands, and RVD gets up and hits a DDT on Alberto. They set Del Rio in the corner, while Ricardo holds the chair in front of his face, and RVD hits the Van-Terminator on the POS.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 4: The Miz def. Fandango (7:51)

I’m gonna level with you guys, I couldn’t give less of a shit about this match so I was pretty disconnected from it and so was this crowd because they start chanting “we want tables”. I didn’t really miss anything from it. I remember that Fandango worked over Miz’s midsection, and he hits a Falcon Arrow, which I don’t know how Miz kicked out of that. Fandango goes for the Leg Drop from the top, but Miz moves and Fandango’s ass hits the canvas. Then Miz puts him in the Figure 4 to make the dancer tap out. How far Fandango had fallen. He beat Jericho at WrestleMania and is now losing to the worst version of The Miz.

My Rating: **

Match 5: 2-on-1 Handicap Elimination No DQ Match - Paul Heyman & Curtis Axel def. CM Punk (15:43)

We start with Punk and Axel in the ring, because there’s no way Heyman is getting in there. They begin fighting with the signature weapon of everyone in a No DQ match, the kendo stick. Punk knocks Axel down before he hits a suicide dive onto Heyman on the outside. He drags Heyman into the ring, but Paul is saved by a low blow from Axel. Axel is able to hold his own against Punk surprisingly. This is Axel’s second match of the night, so they must have had high hopes for him if they pushed him this heavily, which makes me curious as to why they stopped pushing him. Axel brings a table into the ring and props it up in the corner. There’s a spot where Punk goes for the suicide dive, but Axel throws a chair in Punk’s way, which I’m surprised they got away with. Inevitably, Punk puts away Axel with a GTS, and then an Anaconda Vice. This is where the gif of Punk turning his head and Heyman’s eyes bugging out comes from. Punk chases Heyman all around the city, and they get back in the ring. Heyman pleads with Punk and even tries to hug him, but Punk just smiles and proceeds to lay into Heyman with a kendo stick. Heyman’s reaction is comedic actually. “Are you crazy?” Punk yells to Heyman saying “remember, I did this to you.” Just before he’s about to finish the job, Ryback runs in and drives Punk through the table in the corner. Ryback pulls Heyman over onto Punk.

My Rating: ***

Match 6: United States Championship Match - Dean Ambrose (c) def. Dolph Ziggler (9:45)

A pretty even match, it’s just not very memorable apart from a couple spots. Ziggler hits the multiple elbow drops to the chest, and he points at Jerry Lawler before he hits the last one, which is weird because he’s a babyface here. It feels like he was still trying to find himself as a face at this point. There’s a spot where Ziggler hits Ambrose with a facebuster from the top rope. Ziggler hits a Fameasser, but Dean kicks out. The finish comes with Ziggler misses a stinger splash, and Ambrose hits the Dirty Deeds, which at this point wasn’t a double arm DDT, it was a headlock facebuster. Roman and Rollins come out and fist bump Dean before it’s their turn to defend their titles.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 7: WWE Tag Team Championship Match - The Shield (c) def. The Prime Time Players (7:30)

The Prime Time Players bring the fight to Seth and Roman early. Titus stomps a mudhole in Seth in their corner while blowing on a whistle. But The Shield soon take control and isolate Darren for a bit, but Darren manages to reach Titus after being put through the wringer by The Shield. Titus goes buck wild for a while, until Roman smartly throws Darren into the ring to distract the referee, and while that’s happening, Roman slides in and hits Titus with the Spear and allowing Seth to cover Titus to retain.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: WWE Championship Match - Daniel Bryan def. Randy Orton (c) (17:40)

As promised by Triple H, there was no interference in this match. And what a match it was. Even if the aftermath makes this match feel pointless, this was a worthy way to end a PPV. Bryan tries to turn the match into a technical battle, but Orton cuts Bryan off at every turn. But soon enough, the tables turn and Bryan goes wild on Orton. He kicks Orton repeatedly in the corner. He hurricanranas him off the top. Orton rolls outside and Bryan suicide dives on him. Orton rolls to the other side and Bryan does it again. Bryan rolls Orton back in and Orton rolls back outside. Bryan tries for it again, but Orton cuts him off this time. Then he hits a draping DDT on the outside. Orton goes for the RKO, but Bryan shoves him off into the referee. Bryan dropkicks him into Scott Armstrong who falls to the outside. Another referee runs down, and Orton gets him into position for another DDT, but Bryan gets out and brings Orton down into the Yes Lock. Orton is in the hold for a while, but he manages to drag his body to the bottom rope. Bryan truly feels unstoppable in these last few minutes. Orton gets a few shots in but anything he tries he gets cut off by Bryan. Scott Armstrong eventually gets back in the ring, and tells the referee who ran down to leave and he can do it. Which should’ve been the first clue there was gonna be a fuck finish. Orton throws Bryan overhead and once again tries for the RKO, but Bryan backslides Orton over himself and then kicks Orton in the head. Then he finishes the job with a running knee and the referee fast counts and Bryan wins… Hmmm, I wonder why he fast counted. Although nobody on commentary seems to care because the celebration rages on and Bryan is the champion! …for a day, because they strip him of the title the next night.

My Rating: ****

Cagematch Rating: 4.86

My Rating: 6.5/10

Not a memorable PPV by any means, but I don’t think it’s bad either. It really only has 2 bad matches on it, some eh matches, a couple good ones and a great main event. The next episode of Raw however does make this show worse in hindsight because they take the title off Bryan thanks to that fast count. But I can’t complain too much about this show.

I can’t believe it took us this long to get to this next show, because I watched this live, and even as a dumb, easy to please 12 year old, I thought this PPV was a load of shit… WrestleMania 27…

 

[Jarf]

WrestleMania XXVII

The Rock comes out to start the show and hype up the crowd. He begins the show by lying to us and saying this will be “the most memorable WrestleMania of all time.” And it was memorable alright, for the wrong reasons.

Match 1: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Edge (c) def. Alberto Del Rio (11:06)

A really good opener, weird that it’s as short as it is though, but it was missing that extra step to propel it to being great. Del Rio is obviously gonna go after Edge’s arm, to soften it for the Cross Armbreaker, but Edge has enough fight in him to make it a back and forth match. This was when Brodus Clay was hanging out with Del Rio, so Christian is out there with Edge to even the odds. Del Rio enziguri Edge off the top rope and then covers him, and Brodus shoves Edge’s foot off the rope, but Edge still kicks out. Christian hits a tornado DDT on Brodus on the outside, but on the inside Del Rio gets the Armbreaker on Edge, and Edge has to crawl his way to the ropes. Edge manages to win this match with the Spear. Sadly, Edge would be forced to retire after this match and it would be his last… for 9 years.

My Rating: ***3/4

Match 2: Cody Rhodes def. Rey Mysterio (11:59)

You gotta give pre-indies Cody some credit, he took whatever stupid gimmick he was given and rolled with it. This was clear mask Cody because Rey destroyed his beautiful face or something. Cody is in control of a lot of this match. He even uses the mask as a weapon and headbutts Rey a few times. I tried to enjoy this match but Michael Cole would not shut the fuck up! I have no problem with heel commentary, but heel Michael Cole was just obnoxious and he makes it really hard to enjoy this match. Still, we got a decent match here. Cody Rhodes takes Rey’s knee brace off, and that’ll be important at the end. Rey eventually fights back and he takes Cody’s mask off and puts it on himself and used it to headbutt Cody a few times. Cody retreats to the outside while the referee’s back is turned, Rey tries to dive through the middle rope, but Cody hits Rey with his knee brace and then hits the Cross Rhodes to pick up what at the time was a bit of an upset.

My Rating: ***

Match 3: Big Show, Kane, Kofi Kingston & Santino Marella def. The Corre (1:33)

The entrances are longer than the match. Heath Slater starts and never tags in, and everyone in the match has to get their shit in. Santino hits the cobra on Heath and then Big Show gives him a knockout punch to win the match for his team.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 4: Randy Orton def. CM Punk (14:47)

We have another really good match. Randy goes into this with a hurt knee, which was injured by Punk weeks before. Which makes sense because this is all due because of when Orton kicked Punk in the head at Unforgiven ‘08 and cost him the World Title. Weird that Punk waited so long to enact his revenge but at least this has a story to it. Weirdly though, it makes you root for him because you can’t blame him for being pissed at Orton. Orton tries to get the upper hand earlier, but Punk kicks the steel steps into Orton’s knee. And that’s gonna be the story through this match, Punk goes after Orton’s knee. Orton spends a lot of the match trying to find some way to turn the tide in his favor, and he gets some good offense in, but Punk looks to have a counter for everything Orton does. Orton goes for an RKO, but Punk counters by kicking Orton in the face. He does the Bret Hart figure 4 on the ring post to weaken Orton further. Orton eventually is able to hit the draping DDT, and he looks to be going for an RKO, but he changes his mind and goes for the Punt kick. But his knee gives out and he collapses. Punk smirks and approaches Orton who leaps up and tries an RKO, but Punk shoves him off. That seems like it was Orton’s last gasp. Punk goes to the apron and goes for a springboard, and that’s his mistake because Orton turns that into an RKO. Orton wins.

My Rating: ***3/4

Match 5: Singles Match with Steve Austin as Special Referee - Michael Cole def. Jerry Lawler via DQ (13:48)

What the fuck were they thinking booking this match. Honestly, if it had gone like 3 minutes where you just have Jerry beat the shit out of Cole (because that’s what everyone wanted to see), then I don’t think it would be remembered as badly as it is. BUT THIS MATCH WAS NEARLY 14 FUCKING MINUTES!!! Jerry is attacked by Jack Swagger while Austin isn’t looking, and Swagger puts him in the Ankle Lock. So of course, Michael Cole, the ring general, works over Jerry’s ankle for about 8 damn minutes! The most entertaining part of this match is Stone Cold, and he tries to make this entertaining, but this match is such dog ass. Jerry eventually fights back because duh. Swagger throws in the towel, and Austin wipes his forehead with it. Swagger gets in the ring and he eats a Stunner. Lawler ends it with an Ankle Lock, and Cole is frantically tapping, and Austin repeatedly asks him if he quits, that’s the best part of the whole match. So that match was horrible, but at least Cole got his comeuppance and now we can put this feud in our rear view… Are you kidding, it’s never that simple in WWE. They gotta prolong the bad stuff. An email from the anonymous Raw GM comes in and rules the match a DQ win for Michael Cole because of Stone Cold’s officiating… Meaning we sat through that match for nothing… FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! What makes this even worse is that Michael Cole himself said Vince McMahon thought this was the worst thing he’s ever seen. Which leads me to 2 questions. First question, did he expect this to be good? Second question, why did he run this feud for 2 more PPVs?!?!

My Rating: Holy DUD!

Match 6: No Holds Barred Match - The Undertaker def. Triple H (29:25)

So we go from the worst match to the best match. I’ve heard people call this match boring, and admittedly, it isn’t the fastest paced match ever. But dammit, I loved this fucking match! The story is great here. I always got the feeling the reason Triple H wanted to end the streak so badly, was so he could say he did what Shawn couldn’t. Nobody ever says it outright, but I feel like that’s a silent story element here. Triple H takes a horrible bump early off the announce table onto the floor. Undertaker gets his dive in. The latter half of this match is what makes this match good. Both men hit each other with their best moves and both of them get more and more frustrated. Undertaker hits Triple H with a Chokeslam, a Last Ride and a Tombstone and HHH kicks out of all of those. HHH however, hits a Pedigree. Undertaker kicks out. HHH wails on Taker with a steel chair, including a shot to the head which they both got in trouble for. You know Vince is serious about something when he chews HHH and Undertaker’s ass out for it. Triple H hits another Pedigree and Undertaker kicks out. Triple H wastes little time in hitting another one and Undertaker kicks out again. Undertaker has kicked out of 3 Pedigrees at this point. Undertaker tries very weakly to get up, and Triple H is watching in disbelief in the corner. He tells Taker to stay down and just die. Undertaker reaches up with one hand around HHH’s throat, but HHH doesn’t feel threatened and he shakes his head. Undertaker gets up. HHH does the classic throat slash and then he picks Undertaker up for a Tombstone. He hits it, he lays the arms across Taker’s chest and does the tongue thing, but Undertaker kicks out again. This last part here is brilliant. Triple H gets a sledgehammer out (surprised the ref didn’t try to stop him and say “you’re better than this! No I will never let that go). Triple H gets back in the ring and Undertaker is trying to crawl away. He tries to crawl out of the ring and Triple H drags him back to the center as Taker claws as the ring apron. Triple H holds the sledgehammer and says *it’s time.” But Undertaker pulls him down and gets him in the Hells Gate. Triple H is in this hold for a while, trying to hang on. He reaches for the sledgehammer and goes to use it, but he ends up dropping it and after a little longer in the hold, he relents and taps out. Pyro goes off as 19-0 comes up on the big tron. The streak is still alive. This was amazing! I don’t care what anyone says about it being slow paced or overdramatic, matches like these are what I love about wrestling!

My Rating: ****3/4

Match 7: John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snooki def. Dolph Ziggler & LayCool (3:15)

So now it’s time for both the cool down match and the celebrity match. Hooray. Dolph Ziggler tells Snooki right away she doesn’t belong in the ring, which is true… Trish and Michelle start and they both fall to the outside off the top rope. Trish dives on LayCool from the apron. Ziggler goes over to get beat up by Morrison, who does the Starship Pain off the ropes onto Dolph. Trish tags in Snooki who cartwheels over Michelle and splashes her to win… At least it was short.

My Rating: *1/4

Main Event: WWE Championship Match - The Miz (c) def. John Cena (15:04)

This match was even worse than I remember it being. Not only is it boring, but there’s no story, there’s no drama because nobody gives a shit about this match, and everyone knows this match isn’t ending until The Rock comes back out here. The pace is slow but unlike the No Holds Barred match earlier, there’s no storytelling. No interesting story at least. Miz takes the turnbuckle pad off, and while the referee is distracted, Alex Riley throws Cena into it, and Miz hits a Skull Crushing Finale for a 2 count. The referee gets bumped at some point, and Cena hits an AA on Miz, but there’s no referee. Alex Riley gets in and hits Cena with a briefcase that he just had for some reason. The referee comes to and Cena takes Riley out, and then hits another AA on Miz who kicks out. Miz tries to get away through the crowd, but Cena tackles him over the barricade and Miz’s head makes the most disgusting sound as it hits the concrete. Unsurprisingly, Miz actually gets fucked up here and is concussed for the rest of this. The referee counts both of them out. Imagine having the WrestleMania main event end in countout. But wait, The Rock comes out and says it’s not going down like that. He restarts the match. Cena drags Miz back inside, but The Rock hits Cena with a Rock Bottom to cost him the match. So not only is this match boring, but it’s incredibly overbooked, and Miz gets hurt. So a failure all round. You can see how fucked up Miz is as he raises the title, but poor Miz’s night isn’t over because now he has to take a People’s Elbow from The Rock to end one of the worst WrestleManias of all time.

My Rating: *

Cagematch Rating: 4.87

My Rating: 5.5/10

I wasn’t sure how to rate this show, because it does have some good matches on it. And I wouldn’t say it’s a one match show either. The world title match and Orton vs Punk matches were good. And the No Holds Barred Match was spectacular. But the stuff that’s bad… is REALLY bad! You have the most overbooked WrestleMania main event of all time. You have Snooki (who I really have no problem with, but I hate celebrity matches so much). And then there’s that Michael Cole match. 14 minutes of one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen. Only for WWE to go “sike” at the end and say “actually Jerry lost, so we’re gonna make you watch these two fight again.” Fuck that shit. This show is 5 minutes short of being 4 hours too, so it’s an incredibly long watch. Definitely not worth it.

Next show will be a few months before this one. Bragging Rights 2010.