Entry #316
Hollywood Hogan vs. Roddy Piper
WCW Starrcade - December 29, 1996
"Sky, don't you ever get tired of bashing Hulk Hogan matches?" No. Shut up.
Entry #316
Hollywood Hogan vs. Roddy Piper
WCW Starrcade - December 29, 1996
"Sky, don't you ever get tired of bashing Hulk Hogan matches?" No. Shut up.
Entry #316
Hollywood Hogan vs. Roddy Piper
WCW Starrcade - December 29, 1996
"Sky, don't you ever get tired of bashing Hulk Hogan matches?" No. Shut up.
I do know that he's the most covered wrestler in this thread by some distance, and this can only extend that lead. But really, a Hogan match - and a WCW Hogan match in particular - can only be fruitful material for a compiler of shit wrestling. Nothing else offers that exact mix of immobility and self-indulgent nonsense that a WCW Hogan match does. This time, I've decided to take a trip through his WCW matches with Roddy Piper. Particularly because it takes us through one of our last remaining WON Worst Matches of the Year, but also just to see if Hogan and artificial-hip Piper got better or worse at doing this match over time.
This, for the record, got a star and a half from Dave, but we've established he rates WCW main event nonsense WAY too high. Let's see just how way too high. (Also: note the lack of a championship there. Despite Hogan being the WCW World Heavyweight Champion, this match is non-title.)
First, I'm here to express my love for the WCW blue mat with yellow logo. Lovely touch. Michael Buffer says this has been called the match of the decade... unfortunately, that decade was the 1980s. Hogan's accompanied by the somewhat unusual trio of Trillionaire Ted, Vincent, and Elizabeth. Piper just looks tired. At least this is over with the crowd. Hogan immediately starts stalling, going to the outside. "I'm gonna beat him in the middle of the ring", he says, while being a coward. He continues trash talking into the initial lock-up. After a few more cornered exchanges, Piper gets a few tough rights and forces Hogan to the outside again. He stops the ref from making a count-out by... setting him on the turnbuckle? I'm not inside the mind of Roddy Piper, I guess.
Back in the ring, Hogan gets an eye rake and uses that to get the edge. Piper's on the ropes, but comes back with some pure brawling. This entire thing is just brawling, though I'm not sure I was to see Hogan trying matwork at this stage of his career. Piper hits a clothesline but Hogan stays on his feet. The thing Hogan sells most is an eye poke. What did I say before about him never selling anything except illegal moves? Piper does manage to clothesline Hogan down, and he's on the outside again.
Long staredown, feeling-out, and Piper slaps on a side headlock. If I told you this was a side headlock that lasted a full minute plus, you'd assume it was a rest hold. But no - this is Piper keeping that hold locked on as Hogan tries everything to toss him off. Including, at one point, hitting a back suplex, which I didn't know Hogan could do. Finally he manages it with charges against the ropes, and now sends Piper to the outside. They walk-and-brawl around for a bit, then back in the ring Piper ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own. A kick to the back sends Hogan to the outside. Now at last Piper follows him and walk-and-brawls him up the aisle. Piper whips Hogan with his kilt belt, in-ring, in full view of the ref, then chokes him. No DQ. It's one of those WCW main events.
Piper seems to be setting up for a drop of some sort, but he bounces off the rope and DiBiase on the outside grabs his leg. Piper goes to challenge DiBiase but Hogan takes advantage. We now enter that part of a WCW Hogan main event: the walking and brawling on the outside, against steps and guardrails and all. Hogan briefly punches Piper into the crowd. Back in the ring, Hogan's targeting the hip replacement surgery scar, which raises the question of how the fuck Piper was cleared with an artificial hip. Bit of an abdominal stretch until Piper manages to tip Hogan over. Piper's trying to run the ropes, DiBiase grabs the legs, and then there's this weird spot where both men fall over holding on to each other. Whatever it is, it gets Piper on top for a bit.
Inside cradle by Piper gets two. Somehow that's the first pin attempt. Back to brawling, with casual hair pulling and eye raking. Vertical suplex by Piper, which the announcers treat like he gave that move to someone twice the size of Andre the Giant. Piper misses a knee drop, so Hogan tries for his leg drop and misses. Piper kicks away at those calves until Hogan begs for mercy... and distracts the ref so the Giant can hit a chokeslam. A fan tries to rush the ring, and is shut down by Hogan and the ref. In all this time Giant can't hit the chokeslam, because Piper bit his nose. Piper gets the sleeper hold... arm drop routine... and Hogan doesn't answer! The ref does a double take when he realises someone actually beat Hogan in the middle of the ring.
Big celebration... pyro.... but no title change. Because, of course, Hogan couldn't possibly lose the title! Not to anyone! Nash and Hall try to interfere and get beaten up, while the Giant argues with his stablemates and considers committing what I think is the fourth of his 25 million turns.
You know what? Not as bad as I thought it would be. Still a bit brawly and overbooked, though. I get the feeling it only goes down from here.
Shame Cornette is such a wet turd because that was a fun promo
Entry #318
Hollywood Hogan vs. Roddy Piper
Steel Cage Match
WCW Halloween Havoc - October 26, 1997
And now we get to the reason why I'm looking at Hogan/Piper do the thing again and again! Age in the Cage! The match of theirs that earned a WON Worst Match of the Year award. And, as it turns out, probably the last WON Worst of the Year for a long, long while. Because I'm not sure if it's still too soon to start ripping on Bray Wyatt matches. And he's been involved in four Worst Matches of the Year, through no fault of his own probably. So, the end of an era I guess, as we look at yet another Hogan/Piper match. Non-title, by the way. Again. Despite the fact that this was always billed as being for the strap.
And it's funny I mentioned Jim Cornette in the last post, as he's relevant here. In one of his best million-words-a-minute shoot promos (something he did a lot in 1997), he ripped pretty damn hard into this match.
Though I'm not sure where he gets off calling Halloween Havoc 1997 one of WCW's best cards. Sure, it had that AWESOME Eddie vs. Rey match, Savage vs. DDP in a "Las Vegas Sudden Death Match" (Last Man Standing) was great, and it also had Ultimo Dragon vs. Nagata! But on the other hand, it had the snoozefest of Lex Luger vs. Scott Hall, and it also had a guaranteed future entry in Jacqueline vs. Disco Inferno. A very mixed bag, in other words. But I'm rambling. It's because I really don't want to watch this! Let's endure it.
The nWo music plays as the cage is being lowered, which had me thinking whether WCW really put a piece of ring furniture into the nWo. Piper comes out with the stolen Big Gold Belt, and I don't remember why, but I bet it's something WCW-tier silly. He's also got an "ICON" shirt, which stands for "I Cower Over Nothing". Which means he's either very brave or very stupid. Given it's Piper, definitely both. Hogan, by contrast, cowers over a lot of things, such as getting in the ring with Piper. He tries to scale the cage, but Piper whips Hogan with his belt... then BITES HIM ON THE ASS. And then, when Hogan's down, Piper bites him on a bunch of other places too. This Is Wrestling clap clap clapclapclap
Back in the ring, Hogan's begging for mercy, but Piper goes for a Greco-Roman eye poke, and then an atomic drop to target the injured anus. Piper's smacking and kicking away, while Schiavone on commentary emphasises that there;s no ref on the inside. Hogan tries to climb the cage but Piper nails a nutshot. They fight to smash each other's faces into the cage, and Hogan achieves it. Then the funniest, dumbest thing ever happens:
WCW, everyone. Schiavone tries to cover it by saying the match continues because both men are out at the same time. Hogan uses the flimsy-looking cage door as a weapon. Meanwhile, a possibly-drunk fan at ringside remarks of Piper: "He's Irish". They say WCW treats its fans like idiots... but maybe it's just that they were idiots.
- Hogan is at the cage door
- Schiavone: "If he can get out, it's going to be over"
- Both men get out
- Nothing happens, no draw declared or anything, no instant replay, the match continues.
Piper's crotched on the guardrail, and Hogan fucks off, and he's met by STING. Is that Sting? Is that the fake Sting? It's never made clear. Piper uses the opportunity to drag Hogan back into the cage. The ref outside makes super sure to lock the cage, and keep it locked this time. Hogan stumbles to the outside, and he still wants out. On the outside, they're brawling, and both try to climb the cage. A cage which is very unstable. What happens if they fall? It's not like regular cages, where it's near the ring... but it's not like Hell in a Cell, where it's reinforced to some extent. Any wrong move and either Hogan or Piper is making a geriatric splatter on concrete.
Out comes a SECOND STING. I've got to say, this one looks a little more like the real Sting. The two competitors change their mind and start to climb down again. Hogan starts whipping away at Piper with his belt, then uses that long-leg boot choke that a lot of women used to do. I always think of Gail Kim doing it, because she's awesome. Hogan's no Gail Kim. He starts to scale the cage, but is stalled when one of the Stings threatens him. Both are on top of the cage now. Why? It's not clear. Climbing over the cage isn't a win, using the door isn't a win. ANOTHER STING shows up. And ANOTHER from the crowd. We're up to five Stings. Hogan chokes Piper over the cage. It's still frighteningly wobbly. Commentary loses count of Stings.
We're finally back in the ring. Hogan gets choked with the shirt but hits Piper with the Big Gold. "You're a victim now", says Hogan, as he bashes the back of Piper's head into the mat. Two leg drops in a row, Hogan calls the ref in... PIPER KICKS OUT! OF TWO LEG DROPS! And the crowd could not give less of a shit, somehow! Randy Savage runs right past two of the Stings (i guess those were fake Stings) and climbs the cage to take a flying leap at Piper. Good news: at least he hits the mat. Bad news: that's all he hits, and not Hogan, as he was meant to. Hogan sells anyway, so Piper slaps on the sleeper. And once again, beats Hogan legit! A third time!
Let me just go over that thought. There is someone on your roster who, as you have established, has your champion's number. He has defeated your champion clean, THREE TIMES, in pay-per-view main events. And yet, he does not have the title. This is why WWF won, because WCW was too dumb for words.
And of course it's not over, because you have to overbook, even when the match is finished! Bischoff comes in to help Hogan recover, then Hogan punches one of the Stings, whose mask flies right off. Piper is handcuffed to the cage, "We want Sting" chants. At some point during this brouhaha Hogan has bladed. He takes the fake Sting's mask and beats Piper with the belt. A planted "fan" in a Sting mask jumps the cage. The first fake Sting and Hogan jump and attack the fan. They still want Sting. Sting is not forthcoming.
Sometimes a match is remembered as an all-time stinker not for the bad in-ring work (though this certainly wasn't spectacular). It's because it was a stupid idea, stupidly executed. Unclear rules, that nonsense with the multiple Stings that DOESN'T PLAY INTO THE RESULT, Piper winning yet again and yet it being non-title, and then him being an afterthought. I can't with this fucking company. I just can't.
Entry #318
Hollywood Hogan vs. Roddy Piper
Steel Cage Match
WCW Halloween Havoc - October 26, 1997
And now we get to the reason why I'm looking at Hogan/Piper do the thing again and again! Age in the Cage! The match of theirs that earned a WON Worst Match of the Year award. And, as it turns out, probably the last WON Worst of the Year for a long, long while. Because I'm not sure if it's still too soon to start ripping on Bray Wyatt matches. And he's been involved in four Worst Matches of the Year, through no fault of his own probably. So, the end of an era I guess, as we look at yet another Hogan/Piper match. Non-title, by the way. Again. Despite the fact that this was always billed as being for the strap.
And it's funny I mentioned Jim Cornette in the last post, as he's relevant here. In one of his best million-words-a-minute shoot promos (something he did a lot in 1997), he ripped pretty damn hard into this match.
Though I'm not sure where he gets off calling Halloween Havoc 1997 one of WCW's best cards. Sure, it had that AWESOME Eddie vs. Rey match, Savage vs. DDP in a "Las Vegas Sudden Death Match" (Last Man Standing) was great, and it also had Ultimo Dragon vs. Nagata! But on the other hand, it had the snoozefest of Lex Luger vs. Scott Hall, and it also had a guaranteed future entry in Jacqueline vs. Disco Inferno. A very mixed bag, in other words. But I'm rambling. It's because I really don't want to watch this! Let's endure it.
The nWo music plays as the cage is being lowered, which had me thinking whether WCW really put a piece of ring furniture into the nWo. Piper comes out with the stolen Big Gold Belt, and I don't remember why, but I bet it's something WCW-tier silly. He's also got an "ICON" shirt, which stands for "I Cower Over Nothing". Which means he's either very brave or very stupid. Given it's Piper, definitely both. Hogan, by contrast, cowers over a lot of things, such as getting in the ring with Piper. He tries to scale the cage, but Piper whips Hogan with his belt... then BITES HIM ON THE ASS. And then, when Hogan's down, Piper bites him on a bunch of other places too. This Is Wrestling clap clap clapclapclap
Back in the ring, Hogan's begging for mercy, but Piper goes for a Greco-Roman eye poke, and then an atomic drop to target the injured anus. Piper's smacking and kicking away, while Schiavone on commentary emphasises that there;s no ref on the inside. Hogan tries to climb the cage but Piper nails a nutshot. They fight to smash each other's faces into the cage, and Hogan achieves it. Then the funniest, dumbest thing ever happens:
WCW, everyone. Schiavone tries to cover it by saying the match continues because both men are out at the same time. Hogan uses the flimsy-looking cage door as a weapon. Meanwhile, a possibly-drunk fan at ringside remarks of Piper: "He's Irish". They say WCW treats its fans like idiots... but maybe it's just that they were idiots.
- Hogan is at the cage door
- Schiavone: "If he can get out, it's going to be over"
- Both men get out
- Nothing happens, no draw declared or anything, no instant replay, the match continues.
Piper's crotched on the guardrail, and Hogan fucks off, and he's met by STING. Is that Sting? Is that the fake Sting? It's never made clear. Piper uses the opportunity to drag Hogan back into the cage. The ref outside makes super sure to lock the cage, and keep it locked this time. Hogan stumbles to the outside, and he still wants out. On the outside, they're brawling, and both try to climb the cage. A cage which is very unstable. What happens if they fall? It's not like regular cages, where it's near the ring... but it's not like Hell in a Cell, where it's reinforced to some extent. Any wrong move and either Hogan or Piper is making a geriatric splatter on concrete.
Out comes a SECOND STING. I've got to say, this one looks a little more like the real Sting. The two competitors change their mind and start to climb down again. Hogan starts whipping away at Piper with his belt, then uses that long-leg boot choke that a lot of women used to do. I always think of Gail Kim doing it, because she's awesome. Hogan's no Gail Kim. He starts to scale the cage, but is stalled when one of the Stings threatens him. Both are on top of the cage now. Why? It's not clear. Climbing over the cage isn't a win, using the door isn't a win. ANOTHER STING shows up. And ANOTHER from the crowd. We're up to five Stings. Hogan chokes Piper over the cage. It's still frighteningly wobbly. Commentary loses count of Stings.
We're finally back in the ring. Hogan gets choked with the shirt but hits Piper with the Big Gold. "You're a victim now", says Hogan, as he bashes the back of Piper's head into the mat. Two leg drops in a row, Hogan calls the ref in... PIPER KICKS OUT! OF TWO LEG DROPS! And the crowd could not give less of a shit, somehow! Randy Savage runs right past two of the Stings (i guess those were fake Stings) and climbs the cage to take a flying leap at Piper. Good news: at least he hits the mat. Bad news: that's all he hits, and not Hogan, as he was meant to. Hogan sells anyway, so Piper slaps on the sleeper. And once again, beats Hogan legit! A third time!
Let me just go over that thought. There is someone on your roster who, as you have established, has your champion's number. He has defeated your champion clean, THREE TIMES, in pay-per-view main events. And yet, he does not have the title. This is why WWF won, because WCW was too dumb for words.
And of course it's not over, because you have to overbook, even when the match is finished! Bischoff comes in to help Hogan recover, then Hogan punches one of the Stings, whose mask flies right off. Piper is handcuffed to the cage, "We want Sting" chants. At some point during this brouhaha Hogan has bladed. He takes the fake Sting's mask and beats Piper with the belt. A planted "fan" in a Sting mask jumps the cage. The first fake Sting and Hogan jump and attack the fan. They still want Sting. Sting is not forthcoming.
Sometimes a match is remembered as an all-time stinker not for the bad in-ring work (though this certainly wasn't spectacular). It's because it was a stupid idea, stupidly executed. Unclear rules, that nonsense with the multiple Stings that DOESN'T PLAY INTO THE RESULT, Piper winning yet again and yet it being non-title, and then him being an afterthought. I can't with this fucking company. I just can't.
One of the dumbest spots to ever be attempted....
That cage though...
Unless Hogan learns the art of zombie resurrection to face Piper one more time for the next Saudi show.