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The (kayfabe) Adventures of Trousers
Rated PG-13 for language
Rated PG-13 for language
I start off my adventures face to face with the Kanto Champion himself. He wishes me a safe journey, and in the kindest jester I've ever seen, offers me a pokemon he doesn't use on his team anymore, a Dratini. I thank him and run off to begin my adventures and become the new Champion of Kanto! Then, that damn Meowth wakes me up. I swear, I'd punt that thing across the house if it couldn't punt me back. Oh whatever, I might as well be a good little boy and help unpack anyways…
I get out to the living room, and there's my Mom.
“Wow, you were out like a light, but so you must be full of energy now! So Trousers, are you ready to meet some new Alolan pokemon?”
I give a quick little thought, but I don't need to think too hard.
“Yep.”
“This place is so beautiful, I can't wait to meet some Alolan pokemon too! The beautiful islands, the beautiful -”
Ding-dong. That's the sound of the doorbell. I decide to go see who it is, but halfway into the room and in comes some shirtless guy who looks slightly familiar. Do I have him on Skype or something?
“Hey hey hey Trousers, what's up cousin? Kukui is in the house! It's a long flight from Kanto, you feeling any jet lag?”
Cousin? We're not cousins, mate, we're barely acquaintances, calm down.
“Trousers, have I got some good news for you, the Kahuna is going to give you your very own pokemon!”
“Ooh, the Kahuna!”
“The hell is a Kahuna?”
“All your questions and more will be answered, all you have to do is follow me to Iki Town!”
My Mom says she'll stay behind unpack, and Kukui and I go off to Iki Town. On our way, Kukui stops to say hello to trainers all over the Route One, but all I can think about is how I'm going to have to fight these losers in a few hours. When we get to Iki Town, the 'Kahuna’ is nowhere to be seen, so it's my job to look for him. Glorious… As I'm walking around the town, I see some girl about my age walking into what she calls The Ruins. I figured that I haven't stalked anyone yet, so I decide to follow her. When I finally catch up, I see her freaking out by a bridge. She turns around and sees me.
“You, please, help me! My little Nebby is being attacked, and I don't think the bridge can hold me!”
I get a closer look at this lady's face, and wow, I'm sold. I nod and see some Sperrow up ahead attacking some sort of rainbow ball thing. I immediately kick into instinct mode and run across the bridge. I jump up into the air and Superman Punch a Sperrow right in its stupid little face. Bad idea. The bridge immediately collapses under us, and Nebby and I are about to fall to our deaths. My life flashes before my eyes… and wow… I've had a boring life. Before my short life comes to an end, I feel someone grab me and fly me forward onto land. I look up and see a bright orange mohawk bird thing.
“Topu Koko…”
Topu Koko flies off, leaving a sparkling stone behind it. This girl thanks me with all her life, even though I almost killed her pokemon, and gives me the stone as thanks. We decide to head back together, just in case any more pokemon try to attack her. I'm not a trainer, but I do have a mean right hook. When we get to Iki Town, Kukui seems to be talking to some big fat guy in a yellow shirt.
“Hey, Trousers, guess who I found? Oh, Lillie, you're not dead? That's great, cousin. Anyways, Trousers, meet the Kahuna!”
Personally, I'm a thousand times more interested in Ms. Lillie than the Kahuna, but oh well.
“I've seen Tapu Koko flying around lately…”
Lillie explains what happened to the Kahuna, and her voice melts me like butter. I think I have a problem. The Kahuna notices something in my bag and raises an eyebrow.
“You there… what is that in your bag?”
I take out the sparkling stone.
“It's a rock.
“Give me the rock.”
I toss him the rock, and he misses it. We all have to awkwardly watch as he tries to pick it up.
“Don't worry, child, I won't keep it, I'll only borrow it. As a thank you, I think you've earned yourself… a pokemon!”
He throws out three pokeballs, and three pokemon appear.
“This is the grass type, Rowlett! This is the fire type, Litten! This is the wa-”
“Ew, no thanks. I think I'll just take the Rowlett, it's pretty adorable with the bowtie thing it has going.”
“Uh… Ok… but here in Alola, not only do you pick the starter, the starter must pick you!
I walk onto the wood platform behind me, and Rowlett is placed on the other side. I squat down and pat my knees.
“Here Rowlett, here boy, come on grass owl, come to papa.”
Rowlett looks over at the Kahuna with a weary face, and Lillie begins to look sad.
“Get over here you stupid fucking bird!”
The Rowlett perks up and waddles towards me. I pick it up in triumph, much to the surprise of the people around me.
“Rowlett has chosen! So boy, will you give him a name?”
“Well Rowlett, I'll admit, making me think you weren't going to pick me was a pretty douchey thing… so I'm going to name you Douchey.”
Rowlett turns his head in disgust at the name.
“Oh, you're one of those people… great..
I'll jazz it up for you then, I'll call you, 'DouShay’.”
Rowlett koos at the name in joy.
“Alright, cousin! Hey, let's go show Row-”
“DouShay.”
“Uh, DouShay, to your mom!”
Lillie, Kukui, DouShay, and I begin to walk home, when some kid my age stops by.
“You, let's battle!”
“Woah, calm down Hau! Introduce yourself, first.”
“Ha, hi, I'm Hau. Let's battle!”
“I hate you already.”
Hau throws out a Popplio and- wait, Popplio? Dude, water is weak to grass, why are you being so stupid?
“Oooh nooo… what am I ever going to - DouShay, leafage.”
DouShay strikes the Popplio with its spear-like leaves, knocking it out.
“Wow, I-”
“Shush, nobody likes you.”
Lillie begins to speak, but is interrupted when Nebby escapes her bag again. Kukui and Hau begin to laugh, wasting time that DouShay and I could use to train. The whole group continues towards my house, and I tell Hau to piss off once more as I don't want him to know where I live. Once we get home, I say adios to Kukui and Lillie, and DouShay and I walk in.
“Wow mom, it doesn't look like you've unpacked nothing while I was gone. Getting busy in the empty house another way, eh?”
“Shush kid. Ooh, is that a Rowlett?”
“No mom, that's… DouShay.”
“Cute name for a cute pokemon! Why don't you go take a nap, and you and DouShay can train in the morning!”
I yawn, and so does DouShay. Yawns are contagious after all.
“Alrighty, night Mom.”
I walk into my room and jump into bed. DouShay sees my Ditto toy and perches himself on top, sinking into it as his curls up on the head.
“Night DouShay.”
"Koo."
I get out to the living room, and there's my Mom.
“Wow, you were out like a light, but so you must be full of energy now! So Trousers, are you ready to meet some new Alolan pokemon?”
I give a quick little thought, but I don't need to think too hard.
“Yep.”
“This place is so beautiful, I can't wait to meet some Alolan pokemon too! The beautiful islands, the beautiful -”
Ding-dong. That's the sound of the doorbell. I decide to go see who it is, but halfway into the room and in comes some shirtless guy who looks slightly familiar. Do I have him on Skype or something?
“Hey hey hey Trousers, what's up cousin? Kukui is in the house! It's a long flight from Kanto, you feeling any jet lag?”
Cousin? We're not cousins, mate, we're barely acquaintances, calm down.
“Trousers, have I got some good news for you, the Kahuna is going to give you your very own pokemon!”
“Ooh, the Kahuna!”
“The hell is a Kahuna?”
“All your questions and more will be answered, all you have to do is follow me to Iki Town!”
My Mom says she'll stay behind unpack, and Kukui and I go off to Iki Town. On our way, Kukui stops to say hello to trainers all over the Route One, but all I can think about is how I'm going to have to fight these losers in a few hours. When we get to Iki Town, the 'Kahuna’ is nowhere to be seen, so it's my job to look for him. Glorious… As I'm walking around the town, I see some girl about my age walking into what she calls The Ruins. I figured that I haven't stalked anyone yet, so I decide to follow her. When I finally catch up, I see her freaking out by a bridge. She turns around and sees me.
“You, please, help me! My little Nebby is being attacked, and I don't think the bridge can hold me!”
I get a closer look at this lady's face, and wow, I'm sold. I nod and see some Sperrow up ahead attacking some sort of rainbow ball thing. I immediately kick into instinct mode and run across the bridge. I jump up into the air and Superman Punch a Sperrow right in its stupid little face. Bad idea. The bridge immediately collapses under us, and Nebby and I are about to fall to our deaths. My life flashes before my eyes… and wow… I've had a boring life. Before my short life comes to an end, I feel someone grab me and fly me forward onto land. I look up and see a bright orange mohawk bird thing.
“Topu Koko…”
Topu Koko flies off, leaving a sparkling stone behind it. This girl thanks me with all her life, even though I almost killed her pokemon, and gives me the stone as thanks. We decide to head back together, just in case any more pokemon try to attack her. I'm not a trainer, but I do have a mean right hook. When we get to Iki Town, Kukui seems to be talking to some big fat guy in a yellow shirt.
“Hey, Trousers, guess who I found? Oh, Lillie, you're not dead? That's great, cousin. Anyways, Trousers, meet the Kahuna!”
Personally, I'm a thousand times more interested in Ms. Lillie than the Kahuna, but oh well.
“I've seen Tapu Koko flying around lately…”
Lillie explains what happened to the Kahuna, and her voice melts me like butter. I think I have a problem. The Kahuna notices something in my bag and raises an eyebrow.
“You there… what is that in your bag?”
I take out the sparkling stone.
“It's a rock.
“Give me the rock.”
I toss him the rock, and he misses it. We all have to awkwardly watch as he tries to pick it up.
“Don't worry, child, I won't keep it, I'll only borrow it. As a thank you, I think you've earned yourself… a pokemon!”
He throws out three pokeballs, and three pokemon appear.
“This is the grass type, Rowlett! This is the fire type, Litten! This is the wa-”
“Ew, no thanks. I think I'll just take the Rowlett, it's pretty adorable with the bowtie thing it has going.”
“Uh… Ok… but here in Alola, not only do you pick the starter, the starter must pick you!
I walk onto the wood platform behind me, and Rowlett is placed on the other side. I squat down and pat my knees.
“Here Rowlett, here boy, come on grass owl, come to papa.”
Rowlett looks over at the Kahuna with a weary face, and Lillie begins to look sad.
“Get over here you stupid fucking bird!”
The Rowlett perks up and waddles towards me. I pick it up in triumph, much to the surprise of the people around me.
“Rowlett has chosen! So boy, will you give him a name?”
“Well Rowlett, I'll admit, making me think you weren't going to pick me was a pretty douchey thing… so I'm going to name you Douchey.”
Rowlett turns his head in disgust at the name.
“Oh, you're one of those people… great..
I'll jazz it up for you then, I'll call you, 'DouShay’.”
Rowlett koos at the name in joy.
“Alright, cousin! Hey, let's go show Row-”
“DouShay.”
“Uh, DouShay, to your mom!”
Lillie, Kukui, DouShay, and I begin to walk home, when some kid my age stops by.
“You, let's battle!”
“Woah, calm down Hau! Introduce yourself, first.”
“Ha, hi, I'm Hau. Let's battle!”
“I hate you already.”
Hau throws out a Popplio and- wait, Popplio? Dude, water is weak to grass, why are you being so stupid?
“Oooh nooo… what am I ever going to - DouShay, leafage.”
DouShay strikes the Popplio with its spear-like leaves, knocking it out.
“Wow, I-”
“Shush, nobody likes you.”
Lillie begins to speak, but is interrupted when Nebby escapes her bag again. Kukui and Hau begin to laugh, wasting time that DouShay and I could use to train. The whole group continues towards my house, and I tell Hau to piss off once more as I don't want him to know where I live. Once we get home, I say adios to Kukui and Lillie, and DouShay and I walk in.
“Wow mom, it doesn't look like you've unpacked nothing while I was gone. Getting busy in the empty house another way, eh?”
“Shush kid. Ooh, is that a Rowlett?”
“No mom, that's… DouShay.”
“Cute name for a cute pokemon! Why don't you go take a nap, and you and DouShay can train in the morning!”
I yawn, and so does DouShay. Yawns are contagious after all.
“Alrighty, night Mom.”
I walk into my room and jump into bed. DouShay sees my Ditto toy and perches himself on top, sinking into it as his curls up on the head.
“Night DouShay.”
"Koo."
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