KIF's Sim League

[Kiffy Lube]

Rhea and Lita ****1/2, instant Juiced classic.

 

[CakeWalker]

Episode Ten
Boutwell Memorial Auditorium, Birmingham, Alabama

'The Dixieland Tour' continues as we arrive in Birmingham, Alabama with everyone knowing that the tour will now end with ‘Last Stand in Dixieland’ at the American Airlines Arena in Miami, Florida. Juiced General Manager David Arquette has promised the fans that one of the Feast or Fried briefcases will be opened at the start of the show, with a world title shot, a tag team title shot and the electrocution all still up for grabs. Who out of Chris Candido, Edge and Randy Savage is going to leave Birmingham with a massive smile on their face?

'The Black Hands' according to sources have made it very clear that David Arquette has been overlooking certain members of the roster, and a Rankings Gauntlet Match. It has been confirmed that although there will be only be one ultimate winner of the match, each individual pairing will affect every wrestlers win and loss record. Meaning that if a wrestle eliminates three opponents, then he will claim three wins to his column - so in many ways it will be more beneficial to be feature in the match as early as possible.

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton vs. Johnny Gargano vs. Seth Rollins vs. DDP vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Savage

Steve Austin made his debut at BBQ Backslide with a win over Cesaro before making his Juiced debut with a win over Razor Ramon. Management have decided to give both losers a second chance to prove themselves in a triple threat match, with the added stipulation that if either Cesaro or Razor Ramon lose then it will count as two losses rather than just one in what is clearly a night where rankings are playing a massive factor with management putting a lot of value in 'Arquette Marquette.'

Shawn Michaels has really started to make a name for himself after becoming a member of 'Team Impact Zone' and hospitalising Triple H and he comes head-to-head with none other than 'The Alpha' Chad Gable. With Brian Knobbs currently holding the World Title, a victory for Michaels will most likely decrease the likelihood of Gable earning himself a title shot anytime soon.

Former KSL Women's Champion Lacey Von Erich made it clear during a third party interview that she was the best looking wrestler with her clothes on and off, which has led the first Bra & Panties match in the modern iteration of KSL being booked with none other than Lita as her opponent. Both women are ranked highly in the Women's Division, so you would expect that the whoever comes out on top is going to benefit massively moving forwards.

Lance Storm's briefcase revealed him as the inaugural KSL National Champion and he decided that the first man to challenge him for his championship would be none other than Nikita Koloff. Both men will be joined by their respective faction mates in a 6-Man Tag Team Contest.

The evening's main-event will see Taya Valkyrie defend the KSL Women's Championship for the first time, against number one contender Rhea Ripley. With concerns that 'Team Impact Zone' may get involved, David Arquette has made it clear that if any member of the faction get involved they will be banned from Juice for two weeks without pay.

​

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Lacey in a B&P match is a bit of a danger, considering she might decide to strip of her own accord

 

[CakeWalker]

Episode Ten
Boutwell Memorial Auditorium, Birmingham, Alabama

Juiced would begin with General Manager David Arquette was standing in the ring joined by Alicia Atout, who was once again standing at a table with the remaining three ‘Feast & Fried” briefcases with Randy Savage, Edge and Chris Candido standing behind Alicia waiting patiently as Arquette has a microphone in hand and addresses the Birmingham crowd.

David Arquette: The KSL train is on the road once more and we find ourselves in Birmingham, Alabama - Magic City! In what is the second of five tour dates making up the ‘Dixieland Tour’ and we start off by opening another one of the Feast or Fried Cases. Perhaps tonight we will find out who has won a shot at the KSL World Heavyweight Champion?

A picture of Brian Knobbs with the KSL World Heavyweight Championship in his hands shows up on the titantron, before cutting back to the ring.

David Arquette: Now keeping up with a bit of order and sensibility, I would like Randy Savage with the #2 briefcase to come join me up front.

Randy Savage walks over to the table where he is handed the #2 Briefcase by Alicia Atout before walking over next to David Arquette.

David Arquette: Randy if you wld be so kind as to open your case, making sure everyone sitting in the expensive seat can clearly see the contents.

Randy undoes the clasp of his case, allowing it to open under and drop and reveal the contents within the case as: Tag Team Title Shot. Savage would look at the contents cautiously and then allow himself to smile.

David Arquette: It is official that Randy Savage has won himself a world title shot for him and a prospective partner, this means that either Edge or Chris Candido is in possession of a world title shot, whilst the other man. Well he is going to be fried! And we will find out the contents of both cases, in two weeks time when we arrive in Charleston, South Carolina. Congratulations to Mr. Savage, but as well all clear the ring for tonight’s opening contest for the Ranking’s Gauntlet Match - I am being told by one of my very qualified producers that we are going to cut backstage where my personal assistant David Spade has an important announcement.

+++++

David Spade is standing backstage, not having been seen since being one of the guest hosts at the BBQ Backslide Kickoff show. Spade is standing in front of black curtain and has a massive smile across his face.

David Spade: Behind this curtain is one of KSL newest signings and someone I will have the pleasure of interviewing tonight. Mystery man behind the curtain reveal yourself!

Spade looks very pleased with himself, as the curtain is pulled aside to reveal a familiar man. A familiar man, wearing a mask that he has donned in quite a number of years.

David Spade: Welcome to CM PUNK!

CM Punk steps next to Spade wearing his signature straight edge mask, but from the way his mouth is positioned he doesn’t look like he is in the best of moods.

CM Punk: Can we just get this interview moving along please, I am only here because I am contractually obligated to do so. Turns out I didn’t read the fine print, and I am less than thrilled at being tricked by terms and conditions. So first question go!

David looks sheepish, as if all of his confidence has been drained from his body in one single heartbeat.

David Spade: Well the first question I have for you is, why are you wearing the mask?

CM Punk: I plead the fifth.

David Spade: What do you mean you plead the fifth?

CM Punk: It is well within my right as an American citizen, I know my constitutional rights. Next question.

Spade looks flustered, clearly not enjoying how this interview is turning out.

David Spade: Asking a less personal question, what are you intentions as a member of the KSL roster?

CM Punk smirks as he answers.

CM Punk: I plead the fifth.

David Spade: You can not be fucking serious!

CM Punk: Did you just swear at me.

David Spade: No I just..I just…

CM Punk: You are going to get onto your knees and then you're going to apologize to me right now.

David looks a bit flustered and doesn’t answer right away.

CM Punk: Get on your knees right fucking now.

Spade started to tremble as he lowered himself down and dropped down onto his knee.

CM Punk: Now you are going to apologize to me.

David Spade: I’m...I’m...I’m

CM Punk: Spit it out already!

Spade looked completely horrified as tears had started to roll down his cheeks and he was trembling uncontrollably.

David Spade: I am sorry. I am really sorry. I didn’t mean to swear.

CM Punk: And now the man behind the curtain is going to stomp on the back of your head and you are going to take it like a good baby bitch!

Before Spade has any time to react Seth Rollins would emerge from behind the curtain and send Spade face first onto the floor with the Curb Stomp that would result in Spade lying on the floor out cold with Seth Rollins and CM Punk standing over him with both men smiling to themselves. Just at that moment none other than David Arquette would walk past with Alicia Atout in tow, and the Juiced General Manager would pause and stop in his tracks looking at the scene in front of him.

David Arquette: Now this. This is what I was talking about Alicia.

David is noticeably smiling as he turns to Alicia Atout.

David Arquette: If people are going to make an entrance they need to do so with a bang. Plus everyone knows that Spade is nothing more than a court jester, built to take beating. I am honestly surprised this was the first licking he received.

Arquette looked at both Punk and Rollins.

David Arquette: Keep up the good work you two, I will do my best to involve you in next week’s match-card.

Arquette then walks off, as Alicia looks slightly concerned about Spade’s welfare before scurrying after Arqutte.

++++

Spoiler: Result

Randy Orton v.s Randy Savage

Winner: Randy Orton by pinfall after Savage missed a top rope elbow he got caught with an RKO.(7:55)

Randy Orton v.s Seth Rollins

Winner: Randy Orton by DQ when Seth Rollins stomped Orton’s head into a steel chair and the referee refused to count and DQed Rollins.(13:35)

Randy Orton v.s AJ Styles

Winner: AJ Styles by pinfall after reversin’ an RKO attempt into a BBQ Backslide.(19:54)

AJ Styles v.s RVD

Winner: AJ Styles by submission after workin’ on RVD’s ankle/knee for several minutes, RVD tapped to the Calf Crusher.(31:06)

AJ Styles v.s DDP

Winner: DDP by pinfall after catchin’ Styles attempt at Phenomenal Forearm into a Diamond Cutter.(38:17)

DDP v.s Johnny Gargano

Winner: DDP by pinfall after hittin’ a Diamond Dust DDT.(43:56) ****1/2

Winner of the Gauntlet: DDP

After a match that had lasted just under three quarters of an hour, Diamond Dallas Page stood in the ring with a massive smile on his face and the microphone in his hand.

DDP: And the last man standing after all of that is yours truly, the sexiest man on the planet and the originator of the Diamond Cutter - Diamond Dallas Page! As the record stands, seven men took part in that gauntlet. But only three men who won matches tonight, myself, AJ Styles and Randy Orton. And I’ve already proven that I have that little jerk circle AJ Styles number, so next week I want to get my hands on Randy Orton. I will not be content, until I know for certain that I am the Diamond in the rough. The best of the rest. And once I have climbed to the top of this particular mountain. I think I will be in the right state of mind to be the national hero that this company needs. No. That this company wants and I know everyone in this crowd tonight knows that Diamond Dallas Page is a true American hero!

+++++

We cut backstage with Johnny Gargano and Candice LeRae, with Gargano having been the final elimination from the Gauntlet match. Gargano looked in good spirits as he was standing next to his wife.

Johnny Gargano: What a fine evening it is in the Magic City, my most fine and beautiful wife.

Candice LeRae: It truly is a great evening and an evening where we have an announcement. An announcement regarding the branding of our little setup. Would you like to do the honor dear husband?

Gargano winks at the camera and clears his throat.

Johnny Gargano: Before we reveal the most fantastic name that we came up with, I do think that we should introduce the newest member of our little collective. Don’t you think a fine wife?

Candice LeRae: That is the most excellent idea? So who do we introduce first, our new female addition or as a prospective tag team partner for yourself?

Johnny Gargano: I think we will go with the second option, seeing as that is the man who is just standing off camera at this moment in time.

On cue none other than Rob Van Dam, walks into the shot with a massive smile on his face and starts a few steps behind Gargano and LeRae.

Candice LeRae: Presenting the 17th wonder of the world, the lord of the dank memes and supreme skunk - Rob Van Fucking Damn.

Gargano and Candice start clapping their hands vigorously in appreciation for RVD who looks very pleased as he starts addressing the camera.

Rob Van Dam: The 17th wonder of the world stands in front of you today, and I am the man who can legally smoke as much fine kush as I damn please because of the 420 stipulation that I have written into my contract. I am the man that has been brought in to add my experience and knowledge in order to help establish Club Paradise as…

Rob is cut off by Johnny Gargano.

Johnny Gargano: We aren’t revealing the name of our club just yet Rob.

Rob Van Dam: Ah okay - I’m sure they can just edit that out later, it's not like this is a live transmission or anything.

Johnny looks at Candice.

Johnny Gargano: Is this a live transmission?

Candice LeRae: Well yes - didn’t you know?

Johnny Gargano: Really! Really!

Gargano looks annoyed as he rushes towards the camera and covers it with his body, as he can be heard mumbling to the producers to turn the cameras off straight away.

+++++

Spoiler: Result

The Koloffs by pinfall after a Doomsday Device by Ivan and Nikita on Bret Hart.(12:29) ***

+++++

We cut backstage for the second time in as many weeks Roman Reigns is standing backstage and just like last week doesn’t look like someone who is in the best of moods.

Roman Reigns: Orlando Jordan I made it clear last week that you were the man that I had my eye set on. You are the man who I have caught in my crosshairs. And you have insulted me by not offering up an answer. And that is simply not acceptable. It wasn’t long ago that I was part of something known as The Shield. The problem with a shield is that is something that a person uses as a defensive weapon, it is a tool that they use to protect themselves from a threat. Right now in this single moment, I am the threat and you Orlando Jordan are the person that needs a shield - and quite honestly the various members of Team Impact Zone are most likely your shield. Do you know what I do to shields? I shatter them. I shatter them with a hammer until they break into a thousand pieces. Well the Hammer has arrived, so I recommend you watch your back OJ. Because it isn’t going to be very long, until the hammer strikes you down and brings an end to the fantasy you and your little chode burglars have been living.

Roman snarls at the camera, as it fades to black.

+++++

Spoiler: Result

Chad Gable by submission after Shawn finally tapped out after a couple minutes in an ankle lock.(18:32) ****

+++++

Last week in the match between Alexa Bliss and Becky Lynch, Toni Storm attacked Lynch to end the match via Disqualification. It would later be revealed that Storm and Bliss were working in unison and had referred to themselves as ‘The Sisters of the Flame’. Two people who clearly weren’t pleased with the pair were Becky Lynch and her good friend Charlotte Flair.

Becky Lynch: At the BBQ Backslide Kickoff show you two lunatics got lucky, you claimed a cheap roll-up and that was it. Nothing to be proud of. Last week though you made a mistake Toni Storm, you attacked me from behind with a baseball bat like that was a good idea. You did it thinking there would be no repercussions, but you seemed to forget that I have my good friend Charlotte Flair in my corner.

Charlotte would crack her knuckles before he began to speak.

Charlotte Flair: I don’t know what hallucinations you two freakazoids are having, no doubt it is a byproduct of some seriously fucked up bath salts but you are both in need of a serious reality check. A reality check that I am more than happy to hand out with my own hands. Next week Toni I want you to meet me in the ring. You bring that baseball bat you used on my good friend Becky and I will bring out the steel chair I used when I came to her defence last week. I don’t know what the stipulation will be called.

Becky chimes in.

Becky Lynch: Do what you want with a Bat and Chair match?

Charlotte Flair: Doesn’t really have a ring to it, but I am sure that Mr. Arquette and his team will think of something snappy. Either way, Toni I will be waiting for you in the ring. I honestly can’t wait to beat the holy crap out of you.

Becky chuckles.

Becky Lynch: Now that sounds like a popcorn eating match to me. That is a match that is going to pop, just like the popcorn in the microwave oven. Mhmmm mmmm good eating and good wrestling.

+++++

Spoiler: Result

Lacey Von Erich after Brian Knobbs came out and rubbed baby oil on his chest it distracted Lita to the point that Lacey could rip her clothes off.(7:22) ½*

After Lita had rushed towards the back, to cover herself up Lacey had taken hold of a microphone and began addressing the crowd.

Lacey Von Erich: What an amazing night in Birmingham, Alabama! Not only did I come out on top, but I did so by actually keeping my clothes on. Although, keeping in the spirit of Team Impact Zone I want to thank Brian Knobbs our World Heavyweight Champion for stripping off and applying himself with baby oil for the cause. Turning my attention back towards the top of the ladder, tonight there is a match that will take place between Taya Valkyrie and Rhea Ripley. A match for my title. A title that I very truly lost, but was stolen from me by poor officiating and slow three counts. I hereby declare myself as the true KSL Women’s Champion, and so I expect Mr. Arquette to do the ring thing and book me in a championship match in the next few weeks.

Lacey would then proceed to start stripping off and revealing the Bra and Panties she was wearing and showing her high level of body confidence before walking to the back arms linked with Brian Knobbs.

+++++

Goldust, one half of the KSL World Tag Team Champions, is standing with Alicia Atout.

Alicia Atout: Goldust, earlier tonight you found out that the Macho Man Randy Savage claimed the briefcase that has earned him a future title shot at the belts that yourself and Apollo are in possession of. What are your thoughts on this subject matter?

Goldust: The Macho Man is a skilled fighter and someone I have no doubt will offer both myself and Apollo a challenge to relish, although without a partner I am unable to truly know for sure what this prospective match would even look like.

Alicia Atout: Do you have any idea at all, who Randy might pick as his partner?

Goldust: The stars have not been written into just yet and I am not in possession of a crystal ball that can tell me the future, however I am privy to some information in regards to next week.

Alicia Atout: And what is that exactly?

Goldust does his strange breathing in and out gimmick, where he just acts really strange before answering.

Goldust: Mr. Arquette informed Apollo and I that next week that a whole number of tag team matches will be taking place in Atlanta. Whether or not this will determine our opponents at Last Stand in Dixieland, I can not confirm or deny because I simply am not in possession of that information. However, we will not be taking a backseat next week and we will be competing as well - although it will be in a non-title match. To everyone involved next week, I am sure it will be a great night of wrestling.

Goldust walks off the shot, leaving Alicia by herself.

Alicia Atout: With some exciting matches on the books for next week already, including the National Championship match between Lance Storm and Nikita Koloff - it looks like we are in for a great night in Hot ‘Lanta!

+++++

Spoiler: Result

Steve Austin by pinfall after Razor hit a Razor’s Edge on Cesaro, Austin hit on a Stunner on Ramon who fell out of the ring, Austin then pinned Cesaro.(16:32) ****

+++++

After the contest, Steve Austin remains in the middle of the ring with the intent of cutting a post-match promo with it being quite clear that everyone is curious in regards to what Austin has to say.

Steve Austin: I think everyone with any sense, and with any god damn logic recognises that Stone Cold is one a tear. I tore through Cesaro, then I tore through that son bitch Razor Ramon and now tonight I tore through both of them like a hot knife through butter. Now Stone Cold was told that Cesaro was the man to beat! That Cesaro was the next best thing! That Cesaro was going to be a man who had the ability to Stone Cold. Well you know what I said to that suggestion? WHAT!

There is a massive pop from the crowd.

Steve Austin: Now Stone Cold is weighing up his options and there are two things that I need to address. The first is Brian Knobbs. You sure as hell need to know that you are on a list of priorities for Stone Cold, and quite honestly that title you have in your possession is just a bonus. But you can sit on that big old booty of yours, because before Stone Cold comes in your direction there is another son bitch that I need to address.

Austin pauses for a second and looks straight into the camera before continuing.

Steve Austin: Chad Gable you were once a former member of Team USA, and as much as me my my Confederacy brothers don’t necessarily recognise the likes of Apollo Crews and Goldust as the true representatives of this country, you went and turned back not only one your teammates. Now if they were just representing some carnival nonsense that they look like on picture value I wouldn’t care, but they were representing ‘Murica. Which makes you a traitor to this great nation - and therefore an enemy of the people. But more important an enemy of the Confederacy. Come on out boys!




As the music started playing, AJ Styles and Randy Orton would emerge from the back with Randy Orton holding a Confederate flag in his hand and waving it around as they would make their way to the ring. This angle would go well over with most of the fans, which seemed to be the desired effect although it was unlikely this entrance would be so popular in the northern states. AJ and Randy would enter the ring and stand behind Austin.

Steve Austin: My good friend AJ said last week - We Will Rise Again! And that is exactly what is going to happen. We aren’t just patriots. We are the Confederacy and we are going to fix all the problems that have for far to long been ignored for far too long. And coming back to Chad Gable.

Austin smiles for the first time during this promo.

Steve Austin: I don’t care whether it is next week, two weeks time, at the upcoming pay per view. One thing is for certain and that is that I am going to stomp a mudhole in your sorry ass little stupid hippie face. Now play our damn music!

The three men would exit the ring, as we cut backstage.

+++++

Prior to the evening’s main-event, we cut to the Macho Man who is in possession of the World Tag Team title shot briefcase and is in good spirits despite being the first man eliminated from the rankings gauntlet earlier on in the night.

Randy Savage: Oooooh yeeeaaah. The Macho Man has the power of challenging for tag team title, but as great as the Macho Man is ooooh yeaaah the Macho Man needs a partner. He needs a man who can stand toe-to-toe with him and work in such a way that the Macho Man can look powerful and sexay baby! I will be keeping my open brothers - and once I’ve find my man. You’ll me informed ooooh yeahh!

+++++

Spoiler: Result

Rhea Ripley by DQ when Lacey Von Erich could contain herself and attacked her. Rhea is able to fight off Lacey before leavin’ but doesn’t become champion.(9:19) **3/4

The show would end with Rhea Ripley face down on the canvas, whilst Lacey Von Erich was standing over Ripley whilst offering Taya her hand. Almost as if she was suggesting that she had taken Rhea out as a favour to Taya. With Taya distracted, Anna Jay would slide into the ring and smash the KSL Women’s Championship into the back of Valkyrie’s head. With both Ripley and Valkyrie down for the count, Lacey would big up the championship belt and pose in the middle of the ring before dropping it onto the mat, as herself and Anna Jay would exit to the back as the show would come to a conclusion.

​

 

[TOP GUY TIME]

The confederacy

 

[Marty McFourth]

Punk and Rollins smiling together

 

[TOP GUY TIME]

Gable will be the true american hero! Down with the confederacy!

 

[Comrade Khan]

Team Canada taking a beating lately

WHERE IS MY GIRL ANNA

Great show again @Shield-Maiden @KIF

 

[Kiffy Lube]

I think we can arrange that Anna Jay gets a match on the next show.

 

[Comrade Khan]

She took the championship loss hard. its understandable!

 

[CakeWalker]

She took the championship loss hard. its understandable!

She has been pretty active - since joining Team Impact Zone. KSL's #2 Bitch!

 

[Comrade Khan]

reposting here because godamn

 

[Chris]

Candido better not get fried

 

[Death By Looch]

YO, guys. Get mah big beefy bois in that Tag Team Division...

Spoiler

 

[CakeWalker]

YO, guys. Get mah big beefy bois in that Tag Team Division...

Spoiler

these two will be great additions Looch! A third option will be open to you, whenever you want to fill it.