Just gonna take a few shots and start this shit

[Deezy]

only garbage matches that still get me are New Jacks.

 

[Chris]

Event: Anarchy Rulz
Date: September 19, 1999
Venue: Odeum Expo Center in Villa Park, Illinois
Attendance: ~6,000
Commentators: Cyrus & Joey Styles

ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Taz
ECW World Tag Team Champions: Raven & Tommy Dreamer
ECW World Television Champion: Rob Van Dam

Earlier today, Dave Prazak stops Masato Tanaka’s in the middle of the damn street for an interview, but Judge Jeff Jones comes out and questions why Prazak stopped Tanaka here but then says that he represents many guys that deserve a title shot well before Tanaka as some fans gather chanting “kick his ass.” So Tanaka slams him into the car and Jones says he commited a crime and the price he’s gonna pay will be AWESOME!

In the ring, Joey Styles and Cyrus welcome us to the who wears a glove to shake Styles’s hand and the crowd starts a “You suck dick” chant, classy as always. Cyrus then says he and Styles are about to have some intellectual intercourse and calls himself the best color commentator in wrestling today and says that he’s gonna make Styles a star Styles cuts a cool promo hyping up the show because tonight ANARCHY RULZ! So it’s like WCW Uncensored I guess only this time maybe matches won’t end in a DQ.

Jerry Lynn vs Lance Storm (w/ Dawn Marie)
Crowd starts a “show your tits” chant for Dawn before Lynn even makes his entrance and she’s introduced as Storm’s “Own personal bitch” Lynn’s got taped ribs bc he was jumped by Storm and Justin Credible last week. Cyrus has already made like 8 insider term references to sound cool before this gets started, but it’s the good shit you’d expect from these two at this point in their careers and it gets a lot of time at 17 minutes. They start with some fast-paced chain wrestling mixed in with Lynn doing lucha shit that the crowd loves. Storm has really gotten good by this point and it shows, he’s great at playing the heel. The crowd is hot af and gets Lynn back into it for him to hit a big dive to the outside. Lynn is a little sloppy here, but nothing too bad. Crowd starts a “she’s a crackwhore” chant top 5 wrestling chants of all time tbh. They do the typical pinning combinations near falls spot and it’s a whole lot of fun, crowd eats it up. Dawn gets Storm a couple chairs and he wedges one in the corner. Lynn is able to hit a nice sunset flip powerbomb, but Dawn throws a chair at the ref to break up the count After an almost botched tornado DDT on a chair, Dawn drapes Storm’s foot over the rope to save him again. Lynn gets sent into the corner with the chair and tries to dodge it but slides ribs first into the ring post. Storm starts working over the ribs, but Lynn counters with this awesome stunner. He’s able to hit a diving hurricanrana, but Storm goes right back to the ribs and locks in a roll-up to win it just like that. Odd that wedged chair wasn’t ever used, but Lynn dodging it is what set up his ribs being focused on, crowd definitely wasn’t ready for the finish to come there but it was alright.

Simon Diamond comes out and the crowd starts a “you suck dick” chant and he says SIMON DOES NOT SUCK! But Simon needs a partner so he turns to Tom Marquez who is at a table at ringside and is apparently a graduate of the school of hardcore or something and so Simon tells him to come in and be his partner, but he didn’t say Simon says so he tells Tom to sit back down He questions if there’s any man in the back that wants to be his partner when Jazz’s music hits. She says she’s trying to prove herself and Diamond says if women have proven anything in this industry it’s that they’re worthless and just T&A and then says to take “your flat-chested, ghetto booty, $1.95 hair weave…” before Jazz attacks him so Diamond says “Tom Marquez Simon says GET HER!”

Jazz vs Tom Marquez (w/ Simon Diamond)
They ring a bell so I guess this is a match. Marquez hits a powerslam early, but taunts over Jazz so she grabs him by the dick. Jazz hits a facebuster called the Jazz Stinger, but Diamond interferes for the DQ finish, what a waste of time.

Some jobber named Tony DeVito comes out and double teams Jazz with Diamond until Simon Dean, wait I mean Nova and Chris Chetti come running down for the save. Chetti is wearing this hilarious ring gear Taz get your cousin bruh

Chris Chetti & Nova (w/ Jazz) vs Simon Diamond & Tony DeVito
It looks like Chetti legit hurts his knee or leg early on so this is a handicap match but it only gets like 4 minutes so it doesn’t matter. DeVito is absolutely ass, botches a side slam early which pisses the crowd off. Soon after in what was probably an audible, Amish Roadkill and Danny Doring come out to attack both Diamond and Nova so I guess this is a no contest, probably due to Chetti’s injury.

Miss Congeniality (AKA Lita) is with them and tries to get Roadkill to splash Jazz, but some other jobbers run out to stop them and it all breaks down into a brawl until New Jack’s music hits and he comes out to a huge pop with a trash can full of weapons and starts taking out everyone with various weapons and in the middle of this Nova ends up hitting a dive to the outside. Jack staples some jobber’s head with a staple gun and then smashes a guitar over his head. Wow those two terrible matches were just to lead up to a New Jack showcase.

Three-Way Dance: Little Guido (w/ Sal E Graziano) vs Super Crazy vs Yoshihiro Tajiri
Elimination rules here and this is really. All three guys get shit in without having to have one guy out of the ring the whole time. If anything they do more two guys out of the ring with one in. This happens once and Tajiri hits a fuckin’ Asai Moonsault into the crowd onto both guys Graziano’s big ass gets involved and murders Tajiri with a powerslam and a powerbomb to Crazy bc he’s twice their size. Crazy hits a Asai Moonsault into the crowd onto both opponents this time like Tajiri did earlier and then takes out Graziano with a springboard dropkick that sends him through a table. Some of these three man spots are really creative but don’t seem really choreographed. Super Crazy ends up eliminated Guido after a nice springboard moonsault around 9 minutes in. Crazy/Tajiri have a great exchange by themselves now for a few minutes, doesn’t last too long so they really get a lot in. The crowd counts to 10 in Spanish during a 10 punch spot in the corner Tajiri gets caught playing to the crowd a couple times that the announcers say is the American culture rubbing off on him. Crazy goes for a triple moonsault but only hits one before Tajiri dodges it, hits a Buzzaw Kick and a brainbuster for the win.

Backstage a YOUNG Steve Corino is with Rhino and Jack Victory saying how he was gonna bring a mystery tag team to face Tommy Dreamer and Raven tonight for the title and that it was supposed to be the Insane Clown Posse who are currently in WCW but they were too scared to wrestle Dreamer and Raven bc they thought they were gonna lose But Steve Corino ALWAYS speaks the truth so tonight he’s gonna deliver and Dreamer/Raven are gonna wrestle Rhino and himself.

Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins is in the crowd well over a decade before he tried to run a promotion. Corino questions if WCW would actually take the Insane Clown Posse back after they were supposed to leave for ECW, and Cyrus says when he was in the WWF they had more heat than he did and that’s saying a lot Styles basically says WCW would be a joke if they took back the ICP, kinda effective burial of both the ICP and WCW tbh.

Justin Credible comes out with Jason and says that while Sabu was reinstated to ECW, he and Jason have something up their sleeves. So he pulls out a restraining order preventing Sabu from entering the building and the ref confirms that it’s legit but tonight there is no law and order because THIS IS ANARCHY RULZ! The ref tells the ring announcer to introduce Sabu, but Credible threatens him. He does it anyway so Credible busts a kendo stick over his fucking head He keeps beating this poor guy until the lights go out and the crowd pops like crazy. Sabu appears in the ring when they turn back on and takes out Jason before this ILLEGAL match starts as Styles says if the cops want to break this up then they can try!

Justin Credible (w/ Jason) vs Sabu (w/ Bill Alfonso)
Sabu goes right after Credible for a real fun brawl to start with a lot of heat to it. Sabu sets a table up on the ramp, but Credible is able to comeback and hit a diving splash through it. Sabu comes back with his usual sloppiness and dives, but Credible bumps around really well and this is a lot of fun, going in and out of the ring and the crowd. Sabu and Alfonso set up a table across the ring and the guardrail, but it falls off the ring so it’s just propped against the rail and Alfonso helps Sabu drap Credible over it and hits an Air Sabu Leg Drop TWICE to break the table with Credible on it face first Credible is busted open now and Sabu continues working the back with a Camel Clutch but Credible is able to make a comeback with a superkick. I think Sabu is also cut on his abdomen, I thought it was Credible’s blood at first but he may have cut it on that table spot. Sabu tries to lock on another Camel Clutch but sells his injured ribs and Jason interrupts it anyway. Alfonso then draped Jason over another table outside the ring and Sabu was gonna put him through it but Credible cracks a Singapore cane over Sabu’s ribs when he comes off the chair Another table is propped in the corner now as Sabu eats a Van Daminator from Credible. Back and forth again until Credible completely shatters the cane over Sabu’s head and then Credible tries a poetry in motion move with a chair to send Sabu through the table, but Credible def goes through the table way more than Sabu Sabu hits a couple triple jump moves, but Credible blocks the third. Sabu reverses a That’s Incredible attempt, but Jason cracks a Singapore Cane over his head allowing Credible to hit That’s Incredible while Alfonso kicks tf out of Jason’s face Sabu somehow kicks out and someone slides a chair into the ring that hits Sabu right in the back of the head Sabu misses an Arabian Facebuster and after a few teases Credible hits the Tombstone on a chair for the win. Great spotfest, they fit a lot of shit in 14 minutes.

Masato Tanaka and Taz are out next for the ECW title match and we get some streamers for Tanaka Crowd has some huge heat and gets a lot of “you sold out” chants since he’s leaving for the Federation soon, so Taz just laughs at them They do everything but actually ring the bell before Taz gets a mic and starts yelling at Judge Jeff Jones and Mike Awesome in the crowd and says if Awesome has beef with Tanaka then he now has beef with Taz so “if you want a piece of me you big dumb bastard, COME GET SOME!” Paul Heyman comes out so Taz starts talking shit to him too and holy shit the heat is amazing. Heyman still holds Awesome back so Taz yells “I’M GETTING YOU A GODDAMN BUYRATE LET HIM GO!” Heyman says he promoted Taz as the baddest motherfucker on the planet bc he knows Taz can beat any man so if he wants to fight two men THEN I SAY WE MAKE THIS A THREE WAY DANCE! LET’S FUCKING GO!

Three-Way Dance for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship: Taz (c) vs Masato Tanaka vs Mike Awesome (w/ Jeff Jones)
Tanaka comes flying over the top onto Awesome before he even gets in the ring, and Taz just lays back and lets them fight it out They turn their attention to Taz pretty soon and when everyone gets involved this fuckin RULES! Taz is just throwing everyone around, until Tanaka catches him with a Roaring Elbow and LETS AWESOME HIT THE AWESOME SPLASH TO ELIMINATE TAZ see ya at the Royal Rumble champ. The crowd chants “fuck you Taz” but all the guys in the back come out and give him a standing ovation on the ramp, so he joins them and tells Awesome and Tanaka to FIGHT! This is great still, probably not as good as the Heat Wave match, but really good shit throughout still. Awesome takes complete control with some huge moves, but he can’t put Tanaka down bc this the dude that kicked out of a 3D. Awesome goes for an Awesome Bomb through a table on the outside like last year, but it doesn’t work again. Tanaka does the running down the ramp chair shot that he did last year and this time the wrestlers clear the ramp for him which was cool. Tanaka then hits this SICK Tornado DDT off a chair on the ramp Back in the ring, Tanaka tries to finish with another Tornado DDT on a chair then a senton onto TWO chairs on Awesome’s face, but Awesome KICKS OUT OF BOTH! Tanaka tries to send Awesome through the table outside like he did last year, but Awesome reverses and does it to Tanaka this time God that bump is sick every time. Back in the ring, Awesome tries to finish with this huge Awesome Splash for a super close two count. Awesome then dents a chair over Tanaka’s head THREE fuckin’ times before Tanaka falls BUT TANAKA GETS UP and hits a Diamond Dust in the corner, but Awesome reverses a Roaring Elbow and ends up KILLING Tanaka with a Spear. Tanaka finally goes down hard after a diving steel chair shot and then Awesome sets up a table, but Tanaka meets him on the turnbuckle but then AWESOME HITS A SUPER AWESOME BOMB FOR THE WIN! NEW CHAMPION!

Taz comes back in and hands Awesome the belt and shakes his hand like he said he would if anyone ever beat him. The crowd gives everyone standing ovations basically, they don’t even care that Taz is leaving anymore. All the wrestlers including Heyman hug Taz on the ramp as Awesome even helps Tanaka up. The crowd starts chanting for Taz bc they weren’t really mad they were just hurt he was leaving them, but he tells them to chant for Awesome so they do This is how the PPV should have ended right here and honestly I wouldn’t blame you guys if you wanted to just pretend it did since it would have been an amazing ending.

Raven is at a park in the dark and says for two and a half years he and Tommy Dreamer fought an epic battle and they replay some of the Dreamer/Raven feud a few years back including the BEULAH PREGNANCY REVEAL Raven says the one thing Dreamer could never do was beat him and they replay like the million times Raven beat Dreamer during the feud. Raven sits on a swing and says it was time for Dreamer to graduate and they replay when Dreamer beat Raven before he left to WCW. Raven says Dreamer’s life lost its meaning, his career lost his focus and his relationship with Beulah lost it’s focus without Raven in ECW. They replay Dreamer crying over the Dudleys breaking Beulah’s neck. Raven finishes by saying “Kaiser Soze say ‘the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist’ well Tommy I exist and I’m gonna be your own personal demon bc this savior has already been crucified for your sins. Quote the Raven, Nevermore I’m a sucker for ECW Raven promos, but that one was better than I remembered for an already washed Raven.

They got a new ring announcer I just noticed bc Credible murdered the other one earlier, but FUCK THAT bc he gets interrupted by JOEL “I’m here in Chicago at Anarchy Rulz while some pretty young thing watches at home and drools. And I know she’s got the skills and I know she’s got the tools to give her oral massage to my family jewels” GERTNER! Gertner brings out Francine and Dreamer for an interview. Francine gets a huge pop when she bends down to pick up Dreamer’s tag title belt, so Dreamer drops it again Gertner asks about Dreamer’s back injury, if he can defend the titles, and if his career has any longevity left. Dreamer says he ain’t gonna cut no babyface promo but then does just that with a cheap pop about Sammy Sosa’s roided ass hitting 60 home runs yesterday. Dreamer says he’s sick and tired of listening to doctors because he’s Tommy Dreamer and he needs to sweat, bleed and innovate some VIOLENCE TONIGHT!

Corino comes out with Rhino wheeling Jack Victory behind him and tells rookie Rhino to get Dreamer. The bell rings so I guess the match has started.

ECW World Tag Team Championship: Raven & Tommy Dreamer (c) (w/ Francine) vs Rhino & Steve Corino (w/ Jack Victory)
The crowd chants for Raven as Dreamer quickly takes control of Rhino and chases Corino back up the ramp before pushing Victory who’s faking an injury into a chair shot from Francine He goes back to Rhino and goes for a Spicolli Driver, but sells his back and Rhino actually does moves. Corino comes back out with a ladder, but Dreamer takes him out instantly again only to fall back first onto a chair after a DDT attempt. Francine tries to get involved but Rhino murders her with a powerslam. The crowd starts popping like crazy as Rhino goes for a piledriver so you just know Raven is running down but THIS FUCKER GETS CAUGHT UP IN THE ROPES AND TRIPS He recovers and hits the Even Flow DDT only for Victory and Corino to come in and beat them down. Raven and Dreamer are able to hit very choreographed DDT’s for the win. That was so fuckin’ weird.

Up on the ramp is some DJ dude named Mancow with these two fat shirtless bums in hats and some dude throws like a full beer on him right when they switch over the camera Raven flips off Dreamer and leaves with these weirdos on the ramp.

Back in the ring, more shit that isn’t on the program according to Joey Styles. Axl Rotten puts over the show and then yells at Mike Awesome to come down LOL BRUH fuck off you don’t get a title shot just by yelling at the champ…nvm Awesome did that earlier in the night. The Impact Players are out to interrupt so I get to see Dawn Marie’s tits again, nice. Lance Storm says the PPV belongs to the Impact Players since Storm and Credible both won and Johnny Smith faces RVD for the TV title next. He tells Rotten to rescind his challenge before they rescind it for him. Rotten says he wants to make his mark on the PPV and unlike Storm doesn’t want just be “a mark on the PPV” and says the crowd is only cheering for Dawn’s tits, not their talent and attacks all three of them. That obviously doesn’t work well and they end up just beating down Rotten until Balls Mahoney and Spike Dudley come out to make the save. Dudley hits an Acid Drop on Dawn and Mahoney murders Smith with a chair as the crowd chants “BALLS!” Rotten gets another mic and says it looks RVD needs another opponent bc Johnny Smith must have an “extreme f’n headache” so tonight lets prove why they’re the whole fucking show and challenges RVD for Balls Mahoney BRUH did he even tell you he wanted the match Who are you to make these damn matches

ECW World Television Championship: Rob Van Dam (c) (w/ Bill Alfonso) vs Balls Mahoney
I’m assuming this is worse than an RVD/Smith match would be and it also gets 20 fucking minutes bc they are obviously struggling to fill the 3 hours. This ain’t that bad though tbh Cocky RVD is really on and his bumping makes Mahoney look pretty strong. They do some pretty shitty brawling on the outside, but Mahoney does take a couple fans’ beers to hit RVD with. RVD fucks up a Van Daminator Spot in the crowd that would have been cool so Mahoney fixes it by just throwing the chair at him instead of standing there holding it like an idiot He celebrates with another beer. Back in the ring, both guys being so over is really helping this go the time, but they don’t do a whole lot until Mahoney comes out of nowhere with a fucking spinning heel kick sending both guys over the top rope They end up in the crowd again and RVD hits a Van Daminator this time that busts Mahoney open. RVD then hits this HUGE somersault plancha to the crowd OH MY GOD They do a lot of stalling with the crowd but the crowd just eats it all up so it works and they start having a pretty solid match in the ring where Mahoney takes control He stops RVD from making a comeback by just yanking his ponytail one time which RVD looks legit mad about RVD makes a comeback after a big superplex and hits all his usual shit like Rolling Thunder, but gets caught going for a monkey flip and Mahoney hits a sit-out powerbomb on a chair Mahoney hits a spike piledriver that RVD sells by breaking his neck like he does and then Mahoney takes off his shirt EWWW but at least he has a tank top on underneath. Mahoney gets his special chair and murders RVD with a sick shot but taunts forever before covering but Alfonso still has to come save him. Mahoney then goes to attack Alfonso with the chair, but RVD comes off the top with a super Van Daminator and then a Five Star Frog Splash for the win. For a 20 minute Balls Mahoney match that wasn’t that bad but it was still a 20 minute Balls Mahoney match.

After the match, Mahoney confronts RVD and they get chairs but both drop them to hug each other and RVD celebrates to end the show. WOW that was a crazy PPV in so many ways, the peaks were amazing but the booking was so questionable, and it felt so thrown together but it just worked. Heat Wave ’98 is a better PPV for sure, but this one might be a more true “ECW” PPV. Also Joey Styles and Cyrus really started vibing on commentary once I got over Cyrus using insider terms like a douche, their match commentary was pretty good tho.

 

[Deezy]

Balls Mahoney mainevents a PPV...no wonder this company is dead.

And most of the promos were penis centric.

 

[Chris]

Balls Mahoney mainevents a PPV...no wonder this company is dead.

And most of the promos were penis centric.

For real like I could have made this PPV better by keeping all the finishes and bullshit the same and just rearranging the match order

 

[Crippler]

It's still the best ECW PPV I've ever seen.

 

[Chris]

It's still the best ECW PPV I've ever seen.

I haven't seen very many to judge it by but I'd rank it with the heat wave show I reviewed and their first barely legal PPV as their best

 

[Crippler]

take it by someone that reviewed 97-99 it's all bad.

 

[Chris]

Event: Heroes of Wrestling
Date: October 10, 1999
Venue: Casino Magic in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi
Attendance: 2,300
Commentators: Dutch Mantell & Randy Rosenbloom

Oh god this is gonna take a lot of alcohol to get through. FUN FACT: I’ve never seen the whole show just the infamous Jake promo and main event so this should be terrible. They got some nobody play-by-play guy bc Gordon Solie got sick calling this with fuckin’ Dutch Mantell AKA ZEB!

TONIGHT:
Samoan Swat Team vs Rocker Marty Jannetty & Fantastic Tommy Rogers
Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (w/ Sensual Sherri) vs George “The Animal Steele”
Too Cold Scorpio vs Julio Fantastico (WHO!?)
The guys "formerly known as the Bushwhackers" vs Nikolai Volkoff & Iron Sheik
“Sweet” Stan Lane vs Tully Blanchard in an “Express vs Horsemen Grudge Match”
Abdullah the Butcher vs One Man Gang in a “No Mercy Grudge Match”
Cowboy Bob Orton vs Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka (w/ Captain Lou Albano) in “The ULTIMATE Grudge Match”
Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart in a “Special Grudge Match”
And in the main event: “The Former Yokozuna” vs King Kong Bundy

This ring announcer says “Throw down your toys and leave the sandbox because playtime is over and tonight somebody's gonna get their ass whupped tonight in here”

Some guy named Paul Adams who is managing The Samoan Swat Team tonight cuts a generic heel promo saying the fans are too scared to fight the Samoans themselves but he R-Truth’s the city name

Marty Jannetty & Tommy Rogers vs The Samoan Swat Team (The Samoan Savage & Samu) (w/ Paul Adams & Sika)
Yeah this is ass. Poor Jannetty tries his best and man that’s saying something when he’s the only one remotely watchable but both Samoans are dead weight in the ring and Rogers looks fuckin’ lost just running around and hitting dropkicks when he can. This isn’t like especially bad or anything though, it’s just your typical shitty tag match we see weekly. Jannetty and Rogers have some pretty solid teamwork which is funny bc they never teamed but The Rockers and The Fantastics were basically the same team. Jannetty bumps around really good as well, if he was paired with better guys he probably could have got a decent match going. The announcers keep calling Samu “Fatu” even though Rikishi isn’t here but Samu hits Jannetty with a chair that I guess the ref missed. Rogers gets a hot tag but this dumbass tries to headbutt the Samoans which doesn’t work. Savage who they call “Fatu” again ends up winning with a TKO that of course isn’t called correctly, but I’m convinced everyone in the world does a better TKO than Marc Mero.

They show George Steele and Sherri backstage being all friendly before Sherri gets interviewed who says “The way you get to top in wrestling is by your body count” Steele comes from behind and just yells “FIGHT!” and goes the wrong way to the ring.

Valentine comes out for the match and says he’s gonna kill Steele in the ring for his dad and then walk out with Sherri.

George Steele (w/ Sensational Sherri) vs Greg Valentine
Oh god this is really bad, like really bad. Valentine goes after Sherri early and then Steele does all his usual shit like biting Valentine and eating the turnbuckle that the ref has to warn him about. Steele tries to take his shirt off but Valentine attacks him while it’s over his head and SHERRI ATTACKS HIM THAT WITCH! Steele finally gets his shirt off but supposedly he has no clue Sherri attacked him. Steele takes out some shank and hits Valentine in the neck with it and they do some WOAT strike exchange until Sherri gives Valentine the weapon and he shanks Steele in the face with it. Sherri ends up hitting Steele with a chair right in front of the ref and Valentine covers him in the win.

After the match Steele sends Sherri over the top rope, but Valentine leaves with her like he said he would. Steele gets pissed bc he lost his girl and throws a lot of chairs in the ring and starts eating turnbuckles until Valentine comes back down the ramp and hits him with a chair that gets no-sold so Steele chases Valentine back up the ramp as some guys try to clean up the ring.

Backstage Julio Fantastico is interviewed and says he’s wrestling’s greatest superstar so he’s gonna win every match he ever wrestles again

2 Cold Scorpio vs Julio Fantastico
Scorpio comes out with a belt lol what champion is he? Lou Albano joins this shitty commentary. Well both these guys try and it could definitely be worse but they try a little too hard to have good counter exchanges and it’s sloppy. Albano has to correct Rosenbloom when he calls a dropkick a leg drop Fantastico plays a pretty good heel but it’s hard to take him seriously. They should have booked Scorpio/Jannetty bc Scorpio looks pretty good. They do some lucha shit and Fantastico does some shitty skin the cat spot that Rosenbloom thinks is the coolest thing ever. Fantastico takes a pretty sick back drop over the rail onto the concrete and they brawl in the crowd which makes their two security guards STRESSED They don’t have cameras that can follow them so we just look at the fans while Rosenbloom calls Scorpio “The Dragon” for some reason. They do some obviously choreographed spots in the ring Scorpio comes at him with like a Trouble in Paradise and then hits what these commentators call the Tumbleweed which is a corkscrew moonsault leg drop that he lands right on Fantastico’s face for the win Super spotty and sloppy but I mean I’ve seen a lot worse tonight already.

After the match Rosenbloom says he has a press release that they’ve made Lou Albano the commissioner of Heroes of Wrestling and he acts all surprised and excited and starts fake crying

Backstage King Kong Bundy is interviewed and says “Porkozuna” dissed him so he’s getting the Avalanche tonight and it’ll be over.

Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik can barely walk and they have this Hitler looking guy with them. Volkoff starts singing the Russian national anthem even though there’s no Cold War anymore. Sheik then does some Iranian club demonstration which he is supposedly the only human alive that can do it and he just rotates these clubs above his head in circles for awhile, if they were actually heavy I think he’d be in better shape. Sheik gets a mic and starts talking shit to Hogan and Backlund they should have given him more mic time. Bushwhackers make their entrance and do all their usual shit like licking the crowd and walking around in circles.

The Bushwhackers (Butch & Luke) vs The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Nikita Breznikoff)
Holy FUCK this is so bad I need more drinks. The goddamn Bushwhackers start a “USA” chant fuckin’ Kiwi traitors So yeah not a single person can work here, Sheik threatens to leave if the chants don’t start (in English) which Mantell says he heard correctly bc he speaks Farsi. They go to leave and the Bushwhackers are like yeah whatever and start the 10 count themselves so they come back in smh Bushwhackers just wanted the bag. It’s mostly just shitty strikes to the dick but they aren’t purposeful low blows, it’s just neither guy can get a strike any higher. Volkoff fucks up a backbreaker that Rosenbloom calls a soft slam Sheik locks in a terrible Camel Clutch but Butch breaks it up and gets the shittiest hot tag in history. The ref gets distracted by Luke though but Volkoff accidentally hits Sheik (Iron Curtain according to Rosenbloom) with an foreign object and Butch makes the win. Possibly WOAT match I’ve ever seen.

The Bushwhackers celebrate as the crowd chant “USA” more and in the ring the “Iron Curtain” (WOW!) is arguing with Volkoff but Breznikoff gets them to make up to boos.

Earlier in the day Tully Blanchard arrives in a two piece suit but Stan Lane comes and attacks him, segment was like 12 seconds. Later Blanchard gets interviewed and says he’s been out of wrestling awhile, but he agreed to do this show for some fun and says he’s having flashbacks of his past feuds after being attacked by Lane. He says the only reason Stan Lane was ever champion was bc he was Bobby Eaton’s partner and had Cornette in his corner OH SHIT! He says 10 years has bubbled up inside him and anyone that’s ever screwed him is going to be taken out on Lane, and all the feelings he used to have for Dusty Rhodes and Jim Herd have come up to the surface now and he promises Stan Lane that he still has the fire that made him Tully Blanchard and tonight Stan Lane will find out what being a Horsemen is all about BRUH that promo had no business being that good HOLY SHIT!

Stan Lane comes out to the ring and puts over all his tag teams he’s been with and says he’s been a broadcaster now and he’s with ESPN so he does his own ring intro and he’s got short hair now so this has some crazy deja vu with Mr. Kennedy 6 before he debuts. Really solid shit from both guys pre-match, maybe the match will actually be alright.

Stan Lane vs Tully Blanchard
This was not alright. Lane stalls for a bit to start and they have some alright exchanges in the ring before moving to some meh brawling outside. The crowd start a “Horsemen suck” chant even though Blanchard is supposed to be the face. The in-ring stuff just sort of happens in the ring, it’s like an early 90s TV match that gets more than a couple minutes. Rosenbloom won’t stop talking about how hot Stan Lane his and keep showing uninterested girls in the crowd acting like they’re drooling over him. Blanchard locks on a Figure-4 on the outside of the ring but it doesn’t go anywhere. They have an obvious called spot followed by a fuck up in the corner before Lane is able to hit a high angle back suplex and the ref counts three even though Blanchard kicked out and Lane’s shoulders looked to be up, they ring the bell and the announcers think Lane won it so that was obviously meant to be the finish The ref says Blanchard one so Lane attacks him but Blanchard takes him out with a suplex and Lane just leaves, yeah they definitely fucked up that ending.

Backstage Bundy is with Neidhart so it looks like they may have already merged their matches. Neidhart says he doesn’t have a problem with Jake Roberts, but he doesn’t want to see any snakes bc this is a wrestling match. Bundy says don’t worry about the snake bc they’ll take care of it but they don't say anything about the main event becoming a tag match.

Abdullah the Butcher (w/ Honest John Cheatum) vs One Man Gang
Super shitty brawl fuck all this. Gang uses his chain from the start and busts Abby open early and just uses the chain as his only offense. They end up out of the ring early and start using chairs as the ref tries to get them back in the ring and to follow the rules lol why wouldn’t they just book a hardcore match? Abby just takes more of a shitty beating and keeps bleeding bc that’s what he’s known for. Abby make a comeback with a punch and then starts licking his fuckin’ blood. Gang is bleeding now as Abby starts using a fork to cut him up more. The goal of this match is just to see how much blood they can get I’m assuming. Abby finally stops with the fork and throws it into the crowd BRUH don’t touch that shit. They brawl out of the ring again and get counted out THANK GOD IT’S OVER!

Well almost, they keep brawling and beat up security too and blood is everywhere. They start brawling back up the ramp but end up kinda just hugging each other and walking up it separately They got blood on Rosenbloom’s notes so he’s probably gonna fuck up even more great,

They show some “Casino Surveillance” footage of Jimmy Snuka, Bob Orton, Lou Albano and the dealer playing poker where Albano catches Orton cheating and they have a shitty brawl where when you zoom out you can tell they’re not in a casino

Commissioner Lou Albano and Snuka get interviewed and Albano says he’ll be impartial and call it down the middle like he’s a ref. He puts over Snuka and buries Orton with his usual pretty good interviews that he did in the 80s.

Grey-haired Bob Orton is backstage and says that Albano must have planted that card on him bc he wasn’t cheating and says he’ll slap Albano if he sticks his nose in the match.

Bob Orton, Jr. vs Jimmy Snuka (w/ Lou Albano)
Lol this just looks like two old men who were never good in the first place trying to have an “epic” match with a slow build and it doesn’t work at all. Snuka is super sloppy and pretty much any move that isn’t a strike looks weak af. Orton takes control with a lot of restholds to drag this out too long, I guess he focuses on the arm mostly which is fine but it’s not like Snuka is gonna sell it. The crowd starts a “Bob is a smurf” chant and politically correct Dutch Mantell (WHAT!) says “I’m not one to criticize anyone for their sexual orientation. Orton taunts the crowd for way too long allowing Snuka to come back and at least the crowd is hot for this shitty comeback. Snuka almost forgets to get his should up in time so it turns into a super close false finish after this weird exchange. Orton signals for his superplex but Albano holds Snuka’s ankles so he doesn’t come off the top. Snuka hits a diving crossbody that Rosenbloom calls the “Superfly Leap” for the win even though it looked like Orton was at least close to kicking out.

Crowd keeps chanting “Bob is a smurf” as he argues with the ref about Albano interfering.

They go back to Jake Roberts for THE PROMO! And they’re still acting like there’s two more matches left and not just one tag match. But oh man this still holds up “You don’t wanna play cards with me bc I’ll cheat. You wanna play 21 I got 22, you wanna play blackjack well I got two of those two, you wanna play aces and eights (foreshadowing?) well I got too many of them (def foreshadowing). The only thing you should gamble is this...when you walk into a casino and you want to gamble, the main thing is to gamble you should accept losing.” He hypes up Damian in the bag who’s poking his head out a little, that poor animal. Roberts has draped his arm over the interviewer at this point and tells Anvil to worry about the DDT and starts chanting it until like 2 fans chant along and then says to THINK ABOUT IT I’m gonna take a couple more shots.

Neidhart comes out and it’s still announced as a singles match so Roberts is out next with Damian and he struggles to tie the bag to keep the snake out, but then just goes back up the ramp and leaves the snake in the ring with an opening that he could easily escape from Neidhart taunts in the ring before Roberts runs back down and starts fucking with the crowd and he makes some woman rub his nipples

Jake Roberts & Yokozuna (w/ Damian) vs Jim Neidhart & King Kong Bundy (w/ Michael Henry)
The bell finally rings for the singles match but Neidhart instantly leaves and stalls outside the ring some more before they finally lock up and Roberts is clearly in no state of mind to wrestle and Neidhart is pissed. They try and work the snake fear but nothing can help this. Neidhart stalls more as Damian pokes his head out of the bag and just chills until Roberts takes him out and Neidhart bails as Roberts uses the snake as his dick between his legs. Roberts starts rolling around and licking the snake so King Kong Bundy now comes out and directs traffic so Neidhart locks on a headlock and we can get things readjusted. Rosenbloom says it may not be a good idea to slap a snake around not bc of any animal rights reasons but ya know bc it’s a fuckin’ snake but that doens’t stop Dirty Dutch from going on a little rant about tree huggers Bundy is up on the apron yelling at Roberts now and Roberts flips him off Bundy and Neidhart double team Roberts and the ref doesn’t do shit so “the former” Yokozuna comes down to even the odds and actually make this the tag match it was never supposed to be. The announcers have no clue what’s going on, I only put the header as a tag match bc that’s what wikipedia says tbh. Oh okay the ring announcer now says it’s a tag team match so cool. They freak out about this Henry guy in Bundy’s corner bc they don’t know him and Roberts is so wasted he literally can’t stand at this point. Neidhart is basically just abusing Roberts at this point with chairs while Bundy and Yokozuna just stand there doing nothing. Bundy is definitely stiffing shots on Roberts rn bc he’s so annoyed lol Roberts actually manages to get a hot tag to Yokozuna but it doesn’t matter bc Bundy hits a splash on Roberts who just tagged out to win FUCK THIS

Yokozuna tries to get Roberts to DDT this small Bundy looking Henry guy who’s name the announcers don’t know but he can’t manage that so Yokozuna hits him with a Samoan Drop and lets Roberts put Damian on him. The show ends with Mantell questioning “Ya know what if that snake ate that guy...like just starting chewin’ on him ya know snake’s have big stomachs maybe he could fit him after 10 minutes.” Rosenbloom tries to get what I assume would have been a dumbass reply in but it just cuts to black. Congratulations Fall Brawl ‘98 you were only the WOAT PPV for a year before this trash happened. Please kill me before I ever watch this show again.

 

[Crippler]

you're a better man than me.

 

[Chris]

The only worthwhile things on the entire show were Tully and Jake's promos, Tully's lowkey ruled and might be the best of his career

 

[Chris]

Okay since I'm at the end of a decade I thought I'd post what's upcoming for the next 10 years so here are the best and worst PPVs of the 2000s and the order I'll be watching them in:

2000
Best: CMLL Juicio Final
Worst: WCW Halloween Havoc
2001
Worst: WOW Unleashed
Best: WWF WrestleMania X-Seven
2002
Worst: WWE King of the Ring
Best: WWE SummerSlam
2003
Worst: WWE Backlash
Best: Pride Final Conflict
2004
Worst: WWE The Great American Bash
Best: NOAH Departure
2005
Best: NOAH Destiny
Worst: WWE The Great American Bash
2006
Worst: UFC 61
Best: ROH Glory By Honor V: Night 2
2007
Worst: WWE December to Dismember
Best: ROH Man Up
2008
Best: WWE WrestleMania XXIV
Worst: WWE Survivor Series
2009
Worst: TNA Victory Road
Best: DGUSA Open the Historic Gate

 

[Chris]

And here are my ranking of Meltzer relevant shows so far:

GOAT SHOWS

1. Super J Cup '94
2. Super J Cup Seconds Stage '96
3. Bridge of Dreams '95
4. In Your House 16: Canadian Stampede '97
5. Dream Slam I '93
   
6. WrestleMarinpiad IV '92
   
7. Great American Bash '89
8. WrestleWar '91
9. Heat Wave '98
10. Anarchy Rulz '99
11. Wrestling Summit '90

WOAT SHOWS

1. Heroes of Wrestling '99
2. Blackjack Brawl '94
   
3. Fall Brawl '98
4. WrestleMania V '89
5. Halloween Havoc '92
6. Great American Bash '91
7. Souled Out '97
8. Uncensored '96
9. Fall Brawl '93
10. Clash of the Champions XII '90
11. Uncensored '95

EDIT: If you're reading this later, I was super drunk when I made this list the first time so I edited it later if you're wondering why I rearranged some stuff.

 

[Chris]

Event: Jucio Final - Homenaje a Dos Leyendas: El Santo y Salvador Lutteroth
Date: March 17, 2000
Venue: Arena Mexico in Mexico City, Mexico
Attendance: ~20,000
Commentators: Javier Yanez & Leobardo Magadan

CMLL World Heavyweight Champion: Universo 2000
CMLL World Light Heavyweight Champion: Villano III
CMLL World Tag Team Champions: El Hijo del Santo & Negro Casas
CMLL World Trios Champions: Black Warrior, Blue Panther, & Dr. Wagner, Jr.
CMLL World Middleweight Champion: Ringo Mendoza
CMLL World Welterweight Champion: Arkangel de la Muerte
CMLL World Mini-Estrella Champion: Ultimo Dragoncito
CMLL World Women’s Champion: Lady Apache
NWA World Light Heavyweight Champion: Tarzan Boy
Mexican National Welterweight Champion: Astro Rey, Jr.
Mexican National Lightweight Champion: Virus
Mexican National Trios Champions: Blue Panther, Fuerza Guerrera, & El Signo
Mexican National Mini-Estrella Champion: Octagoncito II

Just so everyone knows and I don’t have to type it out for every match, all the matches on this card (excluding the Torneo Cibernetico, it’s a 16-man elimination tag team match and the main event which is standard one fall) are under standard Lucha Libre rules which mostly means they’ll be two-out-of-three falls and you don’t really have to tag in or out you can just leave the ring and someone else comes in, not a huge fan but it’s whatever. Also they get some fine Latina women to walk the participants to the ring so that’s cool.

Ricky Marvin comes out to “Livin’ La Vida Loca”

Ricky Marvin vs Sangre Azteca
This is really solid. Marvin looks a little green, but has potential and they do some good lucha stuff with Marvin hitting this sweet corkscrew plancha to the outside. Marvin gets the first fall pretty quick with a surfboard stretch, that was super sudden. Azteca comes out strong for the second fall and hits this springboard dive where he fuckin’ lands right on his head HOLY FUCK! He looks okay but he’s lucky that didn’t actually break his neck. They’re really going overboard with replaying every thing. Azteca gets Marvin up in a Muscle Buster position and drops down on his knees like a backbreaker type thing to get the second fall so we’re tied 1-1. Azteca goes after Marvin outside the ring to start the third fall and picks up where he left off last fall. Marvin makes a pretty fun comeback and almost kills himself with a springboard moonsault to the outside. Marvin this hits a springboard spinning splash for the win inside the ring. That was a solid opener to warm up the crowd but they really went out there to steal the show and both guys probably got hurt for just a solid opener

They do a super long intro for the Torneo Cibernetico coming up and it’s all formal like some of the Super J Cup stuff I watched in Japan.

Torneo Generacion XXI: Antifaz del Norte, Astro Rey Jr, Mascara Magica, Olimpico, Safari, Starman, Tigre Blanco, & Tony Rivera vs Arkangel de la Muerte, Dr. O’Borman Jr, Mr. Mexico, Rencor Latino, Rey Bucanero, Ultimo Guerrero, Violencia, & Zumbido
This is just a big Survivor Series match and I don’t really know many of these guys so my thoughts might be limited. The wrestlers just line up outside of the ring instead of on the apron since no need to tag anyway, I guess that’s smart. Lots of quick tags early with most everyone getting some solid exchanges in, mostly standard lucha stuff but way crisper and less sloppy than the first match. One good thing about the lucha libre rules is that two guys do a suplex over the ropes spot and two different guys just go right in the ring to continue the action, no downtime at all so it helps these huge multiman matches. Blanco ends up submitting Borman for the first elimination of the match maybe 5 minutes or so in. Starman and Latino are the next two guys in and after a short but pretty good exchange, Latino is able to submit Starman to even it back up. Magica is in next with Violencia and after maybe 30 seconds Magica rolls him up after a missed corkscrew moonsault to eliminate Violencia. Blanco is back in and has a pretty fun exchange with I think Bucanero before Zumbido comes in and they hit a diving double team bulldog on Blanco and Zumbido submits him with a FIgure-8 I like Zumbido he has his name on his tights. LOL every time someone dives out of the ring fans almost get hit bc there’s no rails or barricade Norte and Zumbido have probably the most fun exchange so far before Zumbido locks on this weird submission where both their shoulders are down and they both end up eliminated. Safari and Latino are in next and LOL this has basically just became little mini matches bc no one’s leaving the ring before an elimination, but it’s super fun to watch. Safari eliminates Latino with this weird Sharpshooter into a Crucifix submission that looked pretty cool. Guerrero doesn’t let Safari leave though and submits him in like 20 seconds and leaves bc he’s smart Mexico submits Rivera continuing the formula. Magica submits Muerte who got maybe 1 minute of match time lol. Bucanero comes in and murders Magica with a running Michinoku Driver to eliminate him. Bucanero/Rey is the next exchange and Bucanero owns him until Rey is able to roll him up out of nowhere to eliminate him. Mexico/Olimpico are next up and Mexico submits him with this hilarious submission where he poses during it Olimpico is now the last face left against Mr. Mexico and Ultimo Guerrero. Guerrero comes in for just a bit before tagging back in Mexico WOAH A TAG! Olimpico is able to submit Mexico so we’re down to him and Guerrero. They have easily the best exchange of the match, it gets like 3 whole minutes before Guerrero hits a super reverse suplex for the win. SOLE SURVIVOR ULTIMO GUERRERO (roll the r’s when you read it in your head)

They present Guerrero with a big plaque and all 16 guys pose and stuff in the ring all respectful and shit.

Villano III who has the mask vs mask match in the main event is interviewed. I took three years of Spanish and all I can make out is that he’s also being respectful but he’s gonna win against Atlantis tonight.

Los Capos come out for their match up next with way hotter girls than before and they have these fireworks labeled “TNT” that they light and THROW IN THE FUCKIN CROWD They pop and make some smoke but are obviously safe and the crowd love it after they see it’s not a murder attempt the first time. The faces are out next and come out to the fuckin’ Looney Tunes THEM SONG OH WAIT IT’S BC SUPER PORKY IS ON THE TEAM OH SHIT He goes by Brazo de Plato, wow I completely forgot Super Porky was ever a thing.

Brazo de Plato, Emilio Charles Jr, & Mr. Niebla vs Los Capos (Apolo Dantes, Cien Caras, & Universo 2000)
Capos attack the faces during their introduction and all three are pretty much in the ring triple teaming a member of the other team for the first few minutes since the ref doesn’t care. Caras and 2000 end up pinning Charles with only a foot on him after a powerbomb by 2000 for the first fall. Every time Plato is shown on screen getting his ass beat this one announcer goes “SU SU SU SUUUUPPER PORKY!” The crowd gets Plato back into it and he does his comedy stuff like winding up a punch just to hit Dantes in the dick instead. We finally get a semblance of a real match with only two guys in the ring and it’s way better than that weird brawling they were doing for the first fall. Plato comes in for more comedy and he’s easily the most over guy in the match like in all his WWF matches. After about 7 minutes or so Niebla pins 2000 for a three and right after Plato pins Caras to tie up the match. Third fall is more of the same but it’s all flowing well. Capos do some good double team work no matter which two are involved and they take out Plato early on to stop and OP comedy stuff. They brawl outside the ring more and it’s way more fun now than it was earlier but I still can’t believe there’s no rail or anything separating the crowd and it’s a bunch of old people in the front row Plato ends up hitting a bronco buster on all three guys at once and then a splash on all three The other faces jump on top of them and Plato pins all three. Super Porky da GOAT!

Atlantis gets interviewed next for the Mask vs Mask match tonight. I feel like I’ve gotta put over how huge that match is, no belts or anything on the line just two very important masks in Mexican wrestling at the time.

Mascara Ano 2000, Scorpio Jr, & Shocker vs Perro Aguayo, Rayo de Jalisco Jr, & Tarzan Boy
Pretty fun all out brawl to start until the heels are able to isolate Aguayo and pin him after a few triple team moves and an elbow drop by Shocker. Scorpio then pins Tarzan to complete the fall, that was probably even quicker than the first fall of the last match. Following the formula of the last match, we get more of a traditional wrestling match for the second fall and it’s a lot better as well. Aguayo is obviously the showcase here bc he takes out pretty much all the heels on his own and still doesn’t tag out when he has a chance. 2000 comes in when Jalisco does and they must have history bc the crowd gets loud af. They’re exchange is kinda awkward though but short and Tarzan comes in and is able to pin Shocker after a Michinoku Driver as Jalisco pins Scorpio to even up the match 1-1. They all brawl outside for a bit before the faces start celebrating in the ring and the ref tries to round up the heels to start the third fall. Jalisco does this hilarious comedy spot where he slowly walks the ropes while Scorpio and Shocker watch but he ducks when they try to hit him and they chop each other in the chest Scorpio and Tarzan have a pretty exchange with a few near falls until Shocker sidesteps a dive to the outside and takes him out. Aguayo comes in to clean house and the crowd gets all hot again but while the ref isn’t looking 2000 hits him with a low blow and pins him off that so the heels win That was way too similar to the match right before it but it was also better.

To put this mask vs mask match in perspective other than just saying they’re huge stars, Atlantis has been wrestling in his for 17 years at this point and Villano has had his for 27 and one of them is about to lose it. It’s called the biggest luchas de apuestas match in CMLL history and for good reason. It also won MOTY so I’ve reviewed it previously in this thread but without as much context.

Lucha de Apuestas, Mask vs Mask Match: Atlantis vs Villano III
I think it’s kinda cool they sandwiched the only two singles matches as the first and last of the show but it’s almost a joke to even compare the two since the first one was an obvious opener and this one has the pacing for a longer match from the start. It’s insane how hot the crowd is and they never come down for basically the entire match. They do some basic technical stuff, working over each other’s arms and playing up to the crowd a lot until Villano starts ripping at Atlantis’s mask which the ref has to warn him about like bruh just win the match and you don’t need to do that work. Villano hits a suicide dive and Atlantis is bleeding now so they send out some people to come check on him but I feel like they’re more worried about the rip in his mask. They replay the suicide dive and they def cracked heads pretty hard during it. Oh shit Villano is stumbling around and bleeding too they both got concussions Back in the ring finally, they do a lot of different pinning combinations for really close two counts that would be better if the ref didn’t take at least 8 seconds to count them. Villano really tries to finish off Atlantis with some submissions now and most have some pretty cool visuals with both guys bleeding out of their masks, he does all my favorite submissions like a surfboard, bow and arrow, a Muta Lock, and a camel clutch. Atlantis tries to make a comeback here or there but doesn’t really get anything going. Atlantis has lost a lot of blood at this point, if it’s this obvious through his mask it must be a ton. Atlantis finally makes a sustained comeback and gets some crazy close near falls that the crowd can barely handle. Atlantis starts to pick up the pace a bit from the mostly ground work we’ve had some far. IDK if Atlantis is selling a concussion or if he actually has one bc he’s stumbling around but is still able to hit this sweet dive to the outside. Back in the ring, Villano is able to lock on an Octopus Stretch called the Villano Lock and everyone goes nuts but Atlantis reverses into a Brock Lock with a pin They keep countering each other now as the pace stays pretty fast and they continue on with the near falls that just make the crowd hotter after each one and Atlantis is able to lock on a Torture Rack to probably the biggest pop from the crowd or the announcers so far but Villano fights out Villano comes back with a clothesline to the back of the head, but then gets caught in the backbreaker rack again and gives up The ref’s reaction is hilarious he goes flying when Villano give up

The crowd gives everyone a standing ovation and Atlantis doesn’t celebrate too long before giving the ring to Villano and his family. Yeah that three years of Spanish didn’t teach me shit so I have no idea what Villano is saying here but everyone in the crowd is crying and shit so I’m assuming it’s all emotional about what masks mean to lucha libre and how important of a moment this is. He takes his mask off and gives it to Atlantis and says to call him Arturo Mendoza and holds up a kid while raising Atlantis’s hand. This was good shit overall, kinda a one match show that doesn’t hold up probably near as much as it people thought it would in 2000 but I still enjoyed it. I’d compare it to Money in the Bank 2011 (probably not the best comparison, but it’s one everyone can relate to) where you can rewatch the Punk/Cena match and it still be great but watching it live as we know was just crazy and a rewatch can’t convey that. Same shit here, just probably even more so.

If you're a fan of lucha libre I will not be reviewing another Mexican promotion show until 2015 with that terrible TripleMania so I hope you enjoyed this one.

 

[Chris]

Event: Halloween Havoc - The future of professional wrestling is here and now…
Date: October 29, 2000
Venue: MGM Grand Garden Arena in Paradise, Nevada
Attendance: 7,582
Commentators: Mark Madden, Stevie Ray, & Tony Schiavone

WCW World Heavyweight Champion: Booker T
WCW United States Heavyweight Champion: Lance Storm
WCW World Tag Team Champions: The Natural Born Thrillers (Mark Jindrak & Sean O’Haire)
WCW Cruiserweight Champion: Mike Sanders
WCW Hardcore Champion: Reno

Lol I owned this shitty Backstage Assault game that sponsored this show. We start right with the first match so I don’t have to listen to any bullshit from this god-awful announce team. They replay the Boogie Knights winning the title a few weeks ago on Nitro before Commissioner Mike Sanders restarted the match so the Natural Born Thrillers could keep their belts. LOL I completely forgot about unmasked Rey smh fuck this company.

WCW World Tag Team Championship: The Natural Born Thrillers (Mark Jindrak & Sean O’Haire) vs The Boogie Knights (Alex Wright & Disqo) vs The Filthy Animals (Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio Jr)
Konnan joins the terrible commentary team instead of being at ringside to support the Animals. One man for each team starts none of that bullshit where only two guys are in even though there’s multiple teams. Madden says the Thrillers are a white Harlem Heat to piss off Stevie Ray As bad as this show is, from what I remember I think the commentary was by far the worst part and they try their best to ruin this match but it’s actually pretty good as a lot of lower card WCW 2000 matches were bc they’d just send guys out there and say wrestle bc they didn’t care about them. It’s like they do a lot of quick and good triple threat exchanges before one guy will tag out so we get a different group of three, I fucks with it especially for an opener. Animals and Knights mostly work together against the Thrillers until it comes time for a pin. Jindrak/Wright/Kidman do a cool tower of doom spot back when they weren’t overdone and all three men make tags at the same time that was really cool. Thrillers almost throw away their titles as they do a double team move with Wright and Wright almost pins Mysterio if Kidman wouldn’t have interfered smh. It breaks down with all 6 guys getting involved and damn if this isn’t fun. Mysterio keeps being the MVP of the match running around hitting everyone until Jindrak takes him out by throwing him into Wright who’s been kinda sloppy all match and barely caught Mysterio. Disqo hits his Last Dance on Jindrak but takes forever to cover so Mysterio comes off with a springboard legdrop on him to break up the pin, cool spot, but almost instantly O’Haire comes off the top with a Seanton Bomb on Disqo for the win.

After the match, Wright starts attacking Mysterio and Kidman with a chair for some reason so Konnan tries to make the save, but he gets attacked by the Thrillers until Sgt. AWOL comes out. The announcers are trying to put over how hurt Konnan is but they barely did anything and he looks fine and walks off like nothing happened He then starts holding his back and collapses like he’s in pain so they question if he can participate in his mixed tag team match later. They question why AWOL made the save and it seems to be just bc he’s in the next match

They set up a lot of weapons for the hardcore title match up next, trash cans, kendo sticks, all the usual shit including a table already set up in the ring. They replay AWOL beating Reno a few weeks ago but commissioner Mike Sanders says he was DQ’d for using an illegal object...in a hardcore match.

Hardcore Match for the WCW Hardcore Championship: Reno (c) vs Sgt. AWOL
Reno sends AWOL through the table within 30 seconds LOL but this ain’t that bad it’s just your typical 2000s hardcore match where they go all gimmicky with as many weapons as possible and go for the trainwreck approach that you should do when you have guys of limited ability like these two. AWOL hits this sick kick to Reno’s face with a trash can draped over him, I feel like I’ve seen all these spots a million times but watching two guys beat each other over the head with weapons is still entertaining. They fight up the ramp and Reno hits the Roll the Dice but doesn’t go for a pin bc he wants another table so he double stacks two of them beside the ramp only for AWOL to slam him through both of them, still no pin though. They go to the backstage area where AWOL TRIES TO FUCKING MURDER RENO BY THROWING A WHOLE ASS COMPUTER MONITOR HARD AS SHIT RIGHT AS HIS HEAD! Reno barely moved out of the way I just know his whole life flashed before his eyes Reno shoots him with a fire extinguisher before throwing him through another table propped up for a two count WHOA A PIN! AWOL fights back and they go back through the “Go position” as Schiavone calls it and AWOL hits Finlay who was just chilling doing his road agent job for no reason at all AWOL is so gassed he has to rest for like 20 seconds before he sets up another table he can’t handle 10 minute matches at all which is probably a good reason not to book them but what do I know. This lets Reno hit him with a chair and hits the Roll the Dice on the flat table for the win.

After the match, Perfect Event of the Natural Born Thrillers, which is Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo come down and help Reno beat down AWOL some more for some reason until Lt. Loco and Cpl Cajun (AKA Chavo Guerrero and Lash Leroux) come down to save their MIA teammate.

Backstage The Natural Born Thrillers (O’Haire, Jindrak, Palumbo, Stasiak, Reno, & Commissioner Mike Sanders) are confronted by Shane Douglas who thanks them for taking out Konnan since they have a match later and says that after tonight everyone is gonna be going good for them, that had to have been taped before Stasiak and Palumbo ran interference just now.

We go down to these shitty announcers for the first time and they show a replay of this past Thunder where Goldberg cracks his head on the ring post going for a Spear so Goldberg hasn’t arrived yet and since no one has heard from him they don’t know if the match against KroniK will happen tonight which means his new streak will be over. They plug the rest of this shitty card like Booker/Steiner, Jarrett/Sting and Storm/Duggan teaming up against Gen. Rection in a handicap match for Storm’s US title. They go back for like two seconds to KroniK coming in and saying Goldberg’s got a severe injury so he needs to be cleared if he shows up before their match by doctors.

The Misfits in Action (Cpl. Cajun & Lt. Loco) vs The Perfect Event (Chuck Palumbo & Shawn Stasiak)
Schiavone says this match was just booked bc of what happened earlier so yay for thrown together shit. Hey Scott Armstrong is the ref. This is just an angle match putting over Perfect Event having problems as a team, so they keep having arguments that cost them but don’t really lead anywhere and all the action is really basic and just drags on. They barely go for any pins so it feels like even more filler until Palumbo accidentally superkicks Stasiak who walks into a Tornado DDT from Loco for the win.

They instantly cut to backstage like 2 seconds after the bell to the Filthy Animals and Konnan is asks Kidman to wrestle for him bc of his back and he’s like nah bro I just had a match so he asks Mysterio and he’s like “I wrestled with him dog” bruh you were on commentary for the match. Konnan pushes the trainer away and says he’ll take care of it himself.

Shane Douglas and Torrie Wilson come out for the next match and Torrie is wearing this FIRE Wonder Woman outfit with her nips about to break through Douglas says Konnan and “his people” are too stupid to realize when they should stay down and that if him and THAT BITCH Tygress think they’re taking away the title of first couple of sports entertainment then they’re wrong. He tells Tygress to come out and get her ass franchised since Konnan is hurt and can’t compete. Tygress comes out alone and says she may be alone but she’s ready to take Douglas’s punk ass and Torrie’s hoochie ass out TONIGHT!

The Filthy Animals (Konnan & Tygress) vs Shane Douglas & Torrie Wilson
Tygress goes for a low blow to start but Douglas catches it and Torrie throws Tygress down. Douglas is a dumbass and stands over her so she just kicks him anyway. Other than Torrie looking fine as fuck this is terrible, neither girl can do shit and it’s mostly just Tygress getting beat down bc the ref doesn’t make anyone get out of the ring. Konnan finally comes out to make the save and throws them out of the ring and him and Tygress try to do dropkicks through the ropes but both of them miss Douglas still sells it but Torrie just stands there bc she wasn’t even touched. This is like a parody of a tag team match bc at one point Konnan tags back into the match while standing by the corner, not even on the apron, just chilling inside the ring. Konnan tags Tygress in and then has the most shocked look when Douglas decks her with a right hand straight to the face Torrie gets tagged in and has a WOAT exchange with Tygress. Douglas lets Tygress make a comeback on him to get the hot tag to Konnan. They brawl as Tygress hits a Bronco Buster on the referee Charles Robinson bc Torrie pulled him in front of her. Torrie is able to hit the Franchizer on Konnan but Tygress breaks up the pin and they hit a double facebuster on Douglas for the win.

Another instant cut to the back to Gene Okerlund interviewing David Flair who’s with some doctors ahead of his “First Blood DNA” match against Buff Bagwell to see if Buff fucked Stacy Keibler. Flair says it’s obvious that Bagwell is the father so he’s gonna prove it after he makes Bagwell bleed tonight UGH fuck this angle.

Bagwell comes out and says tonight we’re gonna find out if Buff Daddy is the real daddy and makes a small dick joke about Flair. Flair comes out with a DNA collecting kit.

First Blood DNA Match: Buff Bagwell vs David Flair
This shit is worse than Tygress/Torrie. Bagwell is only good at taunting and Flair is out here in jeans and a Nitro t-shirt so that’s the level of effort we’re getting. He does his dad’s turnbuckle spot at one point and the announcers lose their shit, but he gets caught on the top just like Ric Flair does the Flair Flop and fuckin’ Madden yells “He’s doing all of Ric’s spots!” Flair makes a comeback and they end up outside the ring for some terrible brawling until back in the ring Bagwell murders Flair with a chair shot sending him back out of the ring and Flair is bleeding but the ref isn’t looking so Bagwell hits the Buff Blockbuster and then the ref calls for the bell.

After the match, Lex Luger comes out to celebrate with Bagwell but drops him with a right hand and busts him open by sending him into the steel post except he’s bleeding from him mouth lol either way Flair gets the blood sample he needs and cameras follow him backstage and he falls to his knees handing the sample to the lab technicians who run off to go test it BUT OH SHIT THEY RUN PAST GOLDBERG ARRIVING! He’s all glossy eyed and selling the effects of a concussion though.

Some busty blonde is interviewing Scott Steiner who’s with Midajah and she brings up Goldberg arriving so Steiner gets all upset and says that tonight he’s gonna make Booker T understand that size does matter bc tonight there will be pain and NOBODY gets up from the Steiner Recliner.

Cruiserweight Champion Mike Sanders is out for his fucking kickboxing match along with The Perfect Event who have now had 3 in-ring segments tonight. He calls out people on spending their kids’ college tuition in casinos and says he’s been training for The Cat and he’s gonna with yada yada yada I don’t care. Miller comes out and says the people came here to hear him talk not Sanders so “BITCH I’M GONNA WHIP YOUR ASS!”

Kickboxing Match: Ernest Miller (w/ Ms. Jones) vs Mike Sanders (w/ The Perfect Event (Chuck Palumbo & Shawn Stasiak))
So this is three 2-minute rounds and you win by a 10-count KO. Schiavone says points don’t matter and there’s no judges so what happens if it goes all three rounds Sanders gets knocked down twice in the first round. 2nd round is the same shit and it’s already dragging along. Palumbo and Stasiak argue whether they should thrown in the towel but Sanders survives another round. Shane Douglas comes out to make peace with The Perfect Event and Sanders can barely stand for round three. Miller hits this awesome cartwheel kick and they def fucked up the finish bc I heard Miller yell “get the chain man!” and he kept looking for interference before Palumbo distracted the ref and Douglas hits him with a chain Miller gets up at like 8 right when the round ends but he takes out Sanders anyway and goes after Douglas and the ref starts counting out Sanders for being down in the ring and I guess Miller bc he’s outside the ring and Sanders ends up winning bc he got to his feet Sanders is now sole commissioner or some shit, I don’t care fuck this.

Goldberg is getting looked at by doctors backstage and he says there ain’t no damn way he’s not wrestling tonight. Okerlund interviews KroniK and they say they get paid whether Goldberg competes or not so they don’t care. They give him to the end of the night to get cleared but if not then his new streak is over and Goldberg has to leave WCW.

“That 70’s Guy” Mike Awesome is out next and he’s wrestling Vampiro bc he hit an Awesome Bomb on him through a table awhile back Vampiro comes out with a sword and the announcers question if Las Vegas can handle this match bc it’s the same state that let a boxing match continue after a fighter bit another fighter’s ear, but for now it’s a standard singles match. Vampiro goads Awesome into putting up his WCW World Heavyweight Title shot on Nitro tomorrow and Awesome says he’s so confident he’ll win that of course he will.

Mike Awesome vs Vampiro
Awesome at least tries on offense but Vampiro can’t sell and his offense is top 5 WOAT all time so this match blows. They go outside early and it’s obvious we’re not getting a countout so Awesome sends Vampiro into the crowd and he knocks some woman out of her seat onto her ass They try to do an ECW singles match I guess brawling through the crowd with the ref following. Vampiro uses a fan’s cane as a weapon and THEN THE FAN HEADBUTTS MIKE AWESOME SO AWESOME STARTS PUNCHING HIM They casually make their way back to the ring area and Vampiro accidentally steps on Stevie Ray’s hand so he tries to fight him Vampiro gets some chairs bc I guess there’s no DQs either and they have a chair dual and a really shitty exchange in the ring. Vampiro doesn’t hit a single strike clean and they telegraph all the spots like crazy. I think Vampiro tried for a diving hurricanrana and Awesome was supposed to reverse it into a powerbomb but backwards instead and it looked awkward af Awesome goes outside and gets a table as Stevie Ray just now questions why the ref is allowing this. Vampiro hits his Nail in the Coffin but doesn’t pin and checks all four sides of the ring before giving up Awesome hits an Awesome Bomb on the outside of the ring and THE REF FUCKING COUNTS I guess it’s a Falls Count Anywhere match now. Vampiro kicks out though so they end up back in the ring where Awesome hits this sick Superbomb that was very scary with how sloppy this match has been and gets the win. WOW that was an absolute trainwreck it was like they had no idea what was supposed to happen the entire match

Backstage Okerlund is with the Misfits in Action interviewing Gen. Rection (Bill DeMott) about his handicap match against Lance Storm and Jim Duggan next where he can win back both the United States Title and Major Gunns’s freedom. He says he came back for everyone, Major Gunns, the Misfits, Hugh Morris, Bill DeMott and most importantly he’s back to make a point and that point is “I CAME BACK!” That was solid shit. Loco says they’re here for Rection and he’s gonna get it done tonight.

Storm/Duggan/Gunns are out and LOL I forgot Duggan turned his back on America Storm says “If I can be serious for a minute” he says that interview with Rection brought a tear to his eye bc it’s sad when a man can’t stay beaten and Rection brought into all the American propaganda but Storm can’t be beat bc he’s from CALGARY! They start the Canadian National Anthem and Storm has this awesome serious face on but Rection’s entrance interrupts it and Storm looks PISSED! Duggan looks upset with referee Scott Armstrong takes his 2x4, I guess he thought he could use it since they had weapons in the last match.

Handicap Match for the WCW United States Heavyweight Championship: Jim Duggan & Lance Storm (c) (w/ Major Gunns) vs Gen. Rection
This isn’t good at all, Rection no-sells everything and looks OP as fuck despite not having a partner. Duggan is terrible in the ring and spends way too much time in it. Storm tries but he barely gets any offense in other than when they’re double teaming. They show Major Gunns’s tits for a good bit of the match and it’s more fun than these shitty Duggan/Rection exchanges. They end up hitting a double clothesline on each other and Madden says Duggan played in the NFL after he got cut by the CFL Storm accidentally takes out Duggan allowing Rection to capitalize and they have no kidding one of the worst obviously choreographed exchanges I’ve ever seen with all three men and the ref doing the most obvious set ups and bumps. Duggan hits a piledriver, but the ref is still down so Rection kicks out at two when he finally counts. Elix Skipper tries to run out and give Duggan his 2x4, but Major Gunns hits him with the Canadian Flag first. Storm sees and gives the 2x4 to Duggan anyway but gets distracted by Gunns and follows her up the ramp as Rection counters and mostly misses a moonsault for the win.

The rest of the MIA come out and celebrate WOW every member of this fuckin’ stable had a match tonight. They give Gunns an American shirt to cover her Canadian flag bikini, worst booking of the whole night.

WCW Mayhem LIVE on Sunday, November 26th

Busty blonde interviews Jeff Jarrett and he calls her a blonde slapnut He says Sting’s gonna find out that Jarrett is in the Halloween spirit so the whole world is going to see the metamorphosis of Sting’s career from a nobody, to a has-been, to a never-was. That makes no sense at all but whatever.

Promo video of the Jarrett/Sting feud where Jarrett dresses up as Surfer Sting and disrespect shis legacy, ya know the same feud they have in TNA a few years later.

Jeff Jarrett vs Sting
Sting attacks Jarrett outside and uses a chair early bc no one cares about anything in this company anymore. Sting dominates early until some dude dresses as Surfer Sting from the 1989 Halloween Havoc comes out on the ramp so Sting goes and takes him out with a Scorpion Deathdrop on the stage. Jarrett can’t do shit still so him and Sting brawl into the crowd until another fake Sting comes out and I’m just taking Schiavone’s word for this one so you know it could be wrong but he says this is the Sting that won the world title the first time at the 1990 Great American Bash and it seems legit. He lets Sting suplex Jarrett in the crowd before brawling with real Sting and I guess the ref doesn’t care about the interference bc they end up fighting in the ring and Sting keeps brawling with fake Sting up the ramp while Jarrett just watches until Sting hits another Scorpion Deathdrop. Jarrett/Sting are both finally in the ring when the Wolfpac music hits and Sting just facepalms A Wolfpac Sting comes out dancing until Sting meets him on the ramp and attacks him with a baseball bat as the announcers debate if the Wolfpac were heel or face. Wolfpac Sting takes a Scorpion Deathdrop but Jarrett gets the bat and starts beating Sting with it in front of the ref. They finally actually wrestle some in the ring with Jarrett in control. Sting makes his basic comeback and locks on the Scorpion Deathlock but another fake Sting, this one looking like current Sting pops up from under the ring and pulls real Sting under it as referee Slick Johnson (just recognized this douche) just stares in awe once again not calling for a DQ bc I guess he thinks Sting really is fighting himself and not randoms dressed as Sting. Real Sting pulls fake Sting, who’s bleeding now, back out and throws him out of the ring before the lights go out an ANOTHER fake Sting comes from the rafters. Sting takes out this bald Sting with a Scorpion Deathdrop through the announce table, tries to lock on the Scorpion Deathlock again on Jarrett but bloody fake Sting is back and hits him with a guitar but real Sting no-sells it only to get hit by another one this time by Jarrett who wins after like 3 total offensive moves. SO MUCH FUCKERY HOLY SHIT! That was so much bullshit, what a joke.

Busty Blonde interviews Booker T who says if Steiner wants some then come get some and then says he’s gonna try and buy Goldberg a little more time for his match against KroniK UGH please tell me he’s not just gonna stall. Oh wait he just meant that’s why the world title match isn’t going on last bc he wanted to give Goldberg more time so that’s fair enough.

Promo of the Booker/Steiner feud and Steiner going psycho.

Michael Buffer is in the ring for the world title match LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE! Booker uses his champions prerogative to come out first and Steiner’s music hits but they show him in the Gorilla Position arguing with an agent about not being the main event Midajah calms him down and the camera follows them to the ring UGH! Also the hole in the ring is patched up with DUCT TAPE!

WCW World Heavyweight Championship: Booker T (c) vs Scott Steiner (w/ Midajah)
This feels like the first semblance of a real wrestling match since the opener so it’s got that going for it but it’s not just really good or anything either. It’s a solid power vs speed match and pretty much what you’d expect and they play this Steiner going crazy angle throughout as well which is kinda meh bc it fucks with the pace. Steiner has the advantage early on, but Booker is able to comeback and has a pretty fun offensive sequence before an awkward Midajah interference spot that lets Steiner take control brawling outside. No DQ from a chair shot by Steiner, cool. Steiner slams Booker through the wooden makeshift replacement announce table and Stevie Ray says that was their last table Steiner argues with Stevie for a second as I’m still wondering where the DQ is but lil Naitch is letting it go. Booker tries for another comeback but gets caught with a sick clothesline going for the Axe Kick and Stevie says that’s the first time he’s ever seen it countered Steiner continues doing basic power stuff but isn’t really trying to finish Booker at all and hits a blatant low blow, still no DQ. Outside the ring, Steiner no-sells getting sent into the rail and hits another clothesline, but Booker is able to make another nice comeback in the ring until Midajah crotches him on the rope in front of the ref, no DQ tho. Booker still fights back and hits the most telegraphed axe kick ever and sells it like he hurt himself too so Midajah gives Steiner a lead pipe and cracks Booker in the knee with it and then takes out Lil Naitch in the tree of woe He locks in the Steiner Recliner now and Scott Armstrong comes out so Steiner takes him out too so Slick Johnson comes out and says fuck this and FINALLY DQ’s Steiner after everything he’s done

Steiner murders Johnson with the pipe and then starts taking out security before attacking Booker with a chair and talking shit to Stevie Ray. Jarrett comes out trying to calm Steiner down but he just taunts like he won the belt

Promo video for KroniK/Goldberg. Goldberg’s career and new streak is on the line and KroniK comes out saying Goldberg hasn’t been cleared to wrestle so there’s gonna be no match and tells the ref to raise their hands. But backstage the doctors say they’ve cleared Goldberg so the security goes to escort him to the ring but he’s still selling his concussion. But I mean if he wasn’t cleared then he’d have to retire bc it was gonna count as a loss so he should wrestle regardless since he has nothing to lose but some more brain cells.

Handicap Elimination Match: Goldberg vs KroniK (Brian Adams & Bryan Clark)
KroniK double team Goldberg early without worrying about tags. They get a table and Stevie Ray loses his shit bc he was told they were out of tables They set it up in the corner but Goldberg fights back and fucking’ front flips out of a suplex and SPEARS Brian Adams through the table to eliminate him which none of the announcers knew were the rules bc they didn’t announce that beforehand Goldberg hits a Spear on Clark pretty quick but sells his head before hitting a Jackhammer for the SQUASH WIN in the main event

The PPV ends like 3 seconds into his celebration and I AM FINISHED WITH WCW THANK THE GOD HALLELUJAH! Now we get to how long it takes another WOAT event to make me wish it never folded. Also this post is def longer than usual for a typical 3 hour PPV bc they squeezed in as much as they fucking could, no wasted seconds if you don't count all the terrible wrestling, but between the bells it was like rapid fire shit.

 

[Deezy]

And there's people out there who say "WCW should've won the war"