Hyphenated Names = Garbage

[We Are Legion]

What the actual fuck is the deal with this nonsense?

Help me understand how all this bullshit came about because to me it honestly just seems like once upon a time... a desperate man wanting nothing more than to marry some whore who refused to change her last name upon marriage. Hence, a compromise was reached that day to allow them to both keep their last names in the form of pretentious hyphenated crap like "James-Johnson".

And after that... all these other women took notice of this bullshit and started guilting their soon-to-be-spouses into it as well. As if to say "Awww look how much that man loved his wife. Don't you love me that much?" *sad face*

So naturally, several hundred more treacherous men gave into this scam and now we have all these brats running around with names that are way too long and take up entirely too much ROOM on everything their name is printed on. I mean maybe, MAYBE I could see the point of this if the woman's last name was truly a rare/endangered surname that you never see anymore, crazy-sounding names like "Mvanderlov", "Nieuwendyk", "Hallobraden", and shit like that. Or maybe you had a celebrity in your family like Wayne Gretzky, Barack Obama, or someone who also had a distinct surname that you wish to be associated with for career purposes (hey, a lot of employers do take notice of family lineage, especially if your ancestors were highly successful). That makes sense to me.

But no... the people doing it are the people with the most fucking dreadfully boring and overly-common names on the planet like "Smith", "Rodgers", "Ramirez", "Hernandez", and crap like this that probably should start dying off in numbers.

And where does all this bullshit end? Where does the line in the sand get drawn? What if your kid marries a woman who also wants a hyphenated surname. And then your grandchild does the same thing. And then your great grandchild. And so on. And so on. And so on. What the fuck does your descendants 200 years down the road carry on with his life when they have to write "John Singleton-Abraham-Lewis-Parker-Canseco-Cammalleri-Villalobos-Wolfeschlefelsteinhausenbergerdorffvoral" on every goddamned school assignment? Forget that, how the fuck does this kid even get a driver's license? No card on earth can fit all that shit on it. That kid's gonna have to carry a backpack containing a 40-page document containing nothing but just his NAME to prove he's authorized to drive a motor vehicle. And can you imagine the hassle that shit causes if god forbid this kid ever gets pulled over and the cop has to run his information? Not only will the kid be pissed off and banging his head on the fucking steering wheel for a full half an hour while the cop types his stupid name in the computer, but the cop has to make sure he doesn't miss a single letter of that ludicrous name on the ticket he writes him or the ticket can be thrown out of court. This is where all this crap is headed.

And I thought, I really thought all this bullshit was limited to just surnames. That was until about half an hour ago when I discovered a guy on a random Facebook page with a hyphenated first name. The fucker's name was seriously "Stephen-Michael". Like his parents couldn't even agree on what to name their goddamned son, so yet another compromise was reached. HYPHENS!!! THEY FIX EVERYTHING!!!

So try to understand this shit...

Hyphenated first names... check. Hyphenated surnames... check. All this is perfectly acceptable in society. Eventually we're gonna have all these jackasses running around with two names that are 20-fucking-names-long and the only way you'll be able to see where one name ends and the other begins is to search for the missing fucking hyphen.

I mean seriously, I used to think it was pretentious enough when fathers would name their sons the exact same thing with nothing different but a Roman numeral after it. As if this kid should feel so fucking honored to carry the name of his disgusting fat plumber father. You know what's going to happen eventually too, that won't be enough either and people will start getting creative again. I shit you not, before the end of your lifetime, kids will have exponents after their names too. No more of this 1900's "John Garret Lucas II" crap, you'll have people thinking they're being REALLY FUCKING CLEVER naming their kid "John Garrett Lucas²" because FUCK YOU that's why.

This shit is just ridiculous and it all comes back to these hyphenated names. Don't marry a woman who wants hyphenated names. In fact if she suggests it... kill her.


Thank you for your time.

 

[Chris]

lol It's not THAT big of a deal. :

 

[We Are Legion]

No I disagree, Chris. This is a HUGE deal quite frankly. Ink is expensive enough these days without all these bastards driving up inflation even further just because they have to be documented. And all the extra TIME it takes just to say their names. People have shit to do, man.

 

[rawisrey]

My Name is Reynaldo Razo-Lopez, not only that but I am the third after my father and grandfather...lulz. My fathers middle name is Razo, and it was to be mine as well, my name isn't hyphenated by choice, I was told when I asked that when they printed the birth certificate the hospital added the hyphen for some reason and now I have to explain that you have to look for my last name under R not L for the rest of my life. I'm the only Razo-Lopez in my family, and it makes no sense especially since it's in no way a combination of my parents last names.

 

[Mick Donalds]

I went to grade school with a bunch of blueblood kids who had ancestors from the Mayflower. Yes, their social climbing families who had nothing better to do than to wear their fucking Ralph Lauren and Nautica sweaters and khaki pants would spend winters in Jamaica and Vail, Colorado courtesy of their trust funds. Mom and Dad wouldn't work. They'd go sailing. Or they'd go touring the countryside in sports cars for the afternoon. And their stupid kids would have names like:

Duncan Chesterly Wigan-Smith IV

Charles MacEachern Ridge-Williams

India Sowell Thorsen-Delashmutt (this was a girl's name in the grade below me)

Hyphenated names are Blue.

 

[Troy]

I don't understand double barrelled last names either. I just don't see the point in combining the names, I guess it is for people to feel that they are being progressive and inclusive. Surely it makes more sense to first when you marry just keep your surnames if you are that way inclined and then if you have a kid be normal and chose one surname. Or what about if you have a son give it it's father's surname or if you have a daughter give it it's mother's surname.

What I can't wait to see is when a person with a double barrelled last name marries another with a double barrelled last name. Do their kids end up with a quadruple barrelled last name?

 

[ThatGuyFromNukemHigh]

I would still rather have a hyphenated name then Adam dropped right infront of my fathers full name. Just as fucking pretentious if you ask me.

 

[Troy]

I would rather have a double barrelled surname that be a Junior or a III, at least with the double barrelled you have your own identity even if it is a bit warped.

 

[zigglerHEEL]

[MENTION=494]We Are Legion[/MENTION].... This is the best thing I've read on this site in the year I've been a member... There was a brief point in time when my wife was considering hyphenating her last name with mine and then she considered changing her middle name to her maiden name but I eventually talked her out of doing either... it's good to know that others on here can get as fired up as I do about things that normally shouldn't garner such attention... We should have a "you know what really grinds my gears" section...

 

[We Are Legion]

Yeah I agree. Being a "II" or "III" is the result of having an egomaniac father who thinks he's starting a dynasty. Like a king.

And I swear to god I'm constantly entertained when I learn what their "great fathers" do for a living. I knew one that was a vacuum cleaner salesman, I shit you not.

 

[Troy]

My Name is Reynaldo Razo-Lopez, not only that but I am the third after my father and grandfather...lulz. My fathers middle name is Razo, and it was to be mine as well, my name isn't hyphenated by choice, I was told when I asked that when they printed the birth certificate the hospital added the hyphen for some reason and now I have to explain that you have to look for my last name under R not L for the rest of my life. I'm the only Razo-Lopez in my family, and it makes no sense especially since it's in no way a combination of my parents last names.

Have you ever thought of changing your name to without the hyphen or did you parents consider it when they got the birth certificate back? Terrible for a hospital to make a mistake with someone's name.

Yeah I agree. Being a "II" or "III" is the result of having an egomaniac father who thinks he's starting a dynasty. Like a king.

And I swear to god I'm constantly entertained when I learn what their "great fathers" do for a living. I knew one that was a vacuum cleaner salesman, I shit you not.

Lol, have to continue that vacuum cleaning salesman dynasty. There is just no need for it anymore even if the father was incredibly successful surely you want your child to be given the chance to be it's own person rather than being a replica of you.

 

[Mick Donalds]

People in our country don't give a shit what your last name is, unless it's Kennedy, and then the left showers you with praise and allows you to cornhole Democracy by funding your campaign for a Representative or Congressional seat.

Even if your ancestors were hot shit, it doesn't matter. Keep some momentos or heirlooms or some charters in a glass frame on the wall. Don't name your kids a "III" or "IV" and expect people to care because your great great grandfather did something remarkable back in the 1800's.

 

[Prodigy]

Well I know someone who has a double barell surname cos their parents aint married and won't get married. They have their mums surname, followed by their dads with a hyphen.

 

[We Are Legion]

Well I know someone who has a double barell surname cos their parents aint married and won't get married. They have their mums surname, followed by their dads with a hyphen.

I take it the parents aren't living together?

 

[Prodigy]

I take it the parents aren't living together?

Nah they are, they just don't want to get married I presume. In that case I see nothing wrong with double barrell surname if the parents want the kids to have both of their surnames.