FWA 'Back in Business XVII' || Card & Discussion Thread.

[The Golden One]

Reviews P2

Big Bryan Baxter (@Dubble J )

I enjoyed the ghosts or visions of Peacock and Aly coming and then the nod to how there are multiple (3) double champs while Baxter is the lone outlier in the title landscape currently. Hadn't thought of or realized that until just now. The flashbacks with Kristy as a way of showing how BBB has overlooked opponents in the past was effective. Nothing revolutionary here. It's a simple concept. The whole time reading, though, I am expecting to see some way that BBB overlooked and took for granted his relationship with Kristy (to explain them not being together, etc.). Like, I'm searching for that second layer of the theme.

I understand why you had the detailed flashback with the match and the flow, but it definitely weighed down the promo here and sort of dragged. You had this to do the paranoia thing with the crowd chanting for "Fury" in BBB's mind when you'd later reveal they were really chanting for "Seth." So I get it. Just ... the road to get there took too many words.

Glad we got the explanation of losing Kristy. Kind of beating the nail(s) in here by being so literal with it in BBB's and Kristy's dialogue at the end. I liked him looking for and presumably finding Kristy's contact in his phone.

There's definitely the appearance of a slow-burn face turn happening here, which is fun.


Michelle von Horrowitz (@SupineSnake )

I appreciate the level of detail in the geography and population of Tretyakova. It's always an integral part of your intros: the where you're heading, or where you've come from. The map should've opened in a new tab.

You're also v good at giving some depth to even the most fringe of side characters, such as Mikhail and Ivan. I didn't really give too much thought to "reviewing" the promo while reading it. I just got immersed in the story. The boots/skates falling off in the parallel scenes was a nice touch but otherwise tiny. Michelle dying was a surprise but since it's 2032 and I know you're fascinated with confronting the idea of death, it shouldn't be that surprising.

I don't really know if we're getting a character-creator conversation here. It's not "on the nose" enough for me to know for certain, but it's certainly emotional and makes me feel something, which is always the objective of a promo. This promo made me feel something, even down to the memoriam of Charlie the "good cat." That's the highest praise I can give a promo. It's what I always aim for when writing my own. I want to feel an emotion. This one presented that for me effectively, especially at the close around the fire. Any other positives or criticisms would be fleeting after giving that feedback.

I hope this is not the true end of Michelle's story. It feels like the end, because that's mainly how I feel from reading the promo. It's what I primarily feel, that we as the reader got some closure, or that Michelle got some closure. Referencing "Goldensiblings" seems like a nod to it all, in a way, if that verbiage is what I think it is. Anyways, this feels like an ending, but there's a lot of time between 2023 and 2032, so maybe not. I'd be intrigued at how you could continue with Michelle considering this promo's conclusion.

 

[Sully]

which match are you most looking forward to at BiB and why (at least one sentence). can't be your own.

Oh so many, but I think there two biggest ones I'm excited about are Summers vs Bedlam and Peacock vs Truth. Simply because in both matches both RPers really brought it, and I have no idea what the outcome is going to be.

Peacock vs Truth feels really good because it brings a lot of different factors. An Old Gen vs New Gen vibe first of all between the classic Cyrus Truth and the new style of Peacock (Both kayfabe and writing styles). But also there's a lot on the line...Cyrus Truth hasn't had a title since he lost it to some asshole back in 2019. A return to the top has been a LONG buildup for Cyrus. Where as, I think if Peacock establishes this huge win at Back in Business, it pretty much solidifies him as having the best World Title reign SINCE that asshole who beat Cyrus Truth. The world title has been a hot potato the last couple of years, and I haven't counted the days up but I feel like Peacock is already close to if not already having established the longest reign in a good while.

So yeah that main event has a lot on the line and I'm excited to see the outcome.

which match absent from the card would you have most like to have seen? can't involve your own character.

I agree with Beavie that Alyster Black vs Danny Toner felt like something that should've happened if everyone involved was available for it, and it's a bummer it didn't but maybe in the future?

It's also disappointing not having Chris Kennedy on the card. He was always sort of established as the Undertaker of the FWA when it came to the biggest show of the year, but I think Kennedy's boots are finally hung up for good.

what should the comms team have been and why.

Broc Lobster and Daiquan Andrews. They killed it on Ground Zero S4.

which FIVE (+) promos did you enjoy and why did you enjoy them? can be one sentence reasons or more. can't be your own character or your character's opponent.

The Shawn Summers promo was great. I'm not sure which one I liked more between Book One or Book Two. The details in both are amazing, and I love the concept of Shawn being this chased out of town outlaw with a bad reputation. The way Tommy is portrayed as this young naive bounty hunter who thinks that he can take Shawn down and fix the west not only did a good job of attacking the Bedlam character but also defining the feud. However I think I like the second promo better only because, while the first one is great, the second one showcases a skill in a unique way, and that is the stipulation of descriptive writing with little dialog. CBK is one of the best at it, and book two really proved that.

The FTN promo that parodied CYOA promos was hilarious. We've seen CYOA adventure promos before, but it's been enough times through now that when I saw it I sort of raised my brow like really? We're going to do this again? The creativity of it doesn't have AS much of punch as it did when it first got debuted and was critically acclaimed (Can't even remember who did it first? Golden Rock?). But then when I realized this was essentially just a middle finger to the CYOA adventure promos, I loved it. It's solid commentary on the gimmick, but still gives the same effect CYOA does in that it keeps the reader engaged. I did like the first one with the Disco/Black parallels. But each option got funnier and funnier as it went on.

Anytime that an RPer forces me to cross a promo idea off my list of future ideas, I resentfully give them a nod of respect. A high compliment considering people say that I was one of the originators of the current era of really creative promos. I wrote in my little notepad app "FWA zoo. Mabe twist is the visitors are actually the zoo people. Idk. Or just animals are FWA stars". Got it when I was watching Rick or Morty one night. But yeah, anyway, Katsu did it. And nailed it honestly because each little animal exhibit with the picture and description was just perfect. I think this promo would've been better suited for something that wasn't a 1v1 match, and rather something bigger like CC or the Trios Tournament (maybe flip that and the Zelda promo around?). But overall I loved everything about this promo from presentation, to creativity, and just overall a great commentary on Vengador and the background that Katsu and he have going back to Ground Zero.

The MvH White Bear promo I think is one that normally would be getting critically acclaimed, but its getting buried underneath some other killers like Best, Krash, Peacock, etc. I was hoping for some callbacks to that piece you wrote in the News Section a few years ago, when Michelle was on leave and ran into Snowmantashi. It made sense. I can't recall it as much, and I tried to look in the archives but I couldn't find it to compare. Overall I think this piece showcases that you can write a beautiful story that works and tells the narrative of the feud, without actually mentioning your opponent or the match. Something that isn't easy to pull off, but great storytellers can do it.

I owe Weaselperson for a review because he reviewed my KODM promo. Plus he mentioned Saint Sully, and my egotistical ass caught it scrolling past and it forced me to read. Obviously this plain text inner monologue isn't going to get a lot of style points, and I wouldn't put money down on it winning either, but I can appreciate what it does do and that's tell us the history of WP/Kazadi. From his fall against Cyrus Truth, to conquering Sully, to become the Weaselperson we know him as today. Calling Alyster out for his third place finish in CC was a good observation. Coming short is demoralizing, and it doesn't often get recognized in promos how much morale plays an effect. I think overall the raw material for a winning promo was here. It just wasn't glossed up and wrapped in a pretty bow with an engaging story, and at Back in Business it's something that you gotta do. But I mean...when did we ever think WP was going to conform to the standard?

 

[WelshyBOI]

Which match are you most looking forward to at BiB and why?

For me, it’s one of two. Jeremy Best vs. Krash, and Shawn Summers vs. Tommy Bedlam…both purely from the standpoint of everyone involved brought nothing but absolute fire, and of all the matches on the show, these are the two that I’m least sure of result-wise.

- I haven’t been in the FWA long, and because of that, I haven’t really seen the meat and potatoes of the Best vs. Krash feud. I know it’s a massive feud just on word of mouth, and the fact that it was placed as the Main Event of BiB Night One, but I haven’t witnessed the relationship between these characters myself. Those two promos, however, are more than enough to justify the hype around the feud for me. Fucking marvelous stuff.

- It's a different story for the Tommy vs. Summers match, in that I have actually gotten to witness the build myself, and man, these two guys are about as evenly matched as you could get…their match at the last PPV is a testament to that. The stipulation of the match may be the most intriguing I’ve seen in an E-Fed, TBH. 3 Falls, 2 championships, and one VERY PERSONAL stipulation in the 3rd fall…I honestly have no clue who’s gonna be leaving with what when this match is all set and done, lol.

Which match absent from the card would you have most liked to have seen?

Honestly, this is purely down to just wanting an opportunity to see these two guys for myself, but Chris Kennedy vs. Ryan Rondo. I’ve never had the chance to see either guy in action, and I only know of how great they were from word of mouth and their accolades in the history section, but yeah, just purely based on wanting to see each of them at some point, I’d like to see that match, lol.

What should the comms team have been and why?

Not going to lie, I can’t even remember of the top of my head, the names of ANY of the commentators in the FWA…fuck it, I’ll just say Steve and Ratin. Seems like a hilarious turn of events if it were to happen, lol.

Which FIVE (+) promos did you enjoy and why did you enjoy them?

I shall do much reading today since I’ve only read a few promos due to working 12-hour days every day since the deadline and this is my first day off, so I shall read, and read, and read...and then I shall review, and review, and review, lol.

 

[Jazz Wolf]

Righto.

Match I'm looking forward to the most is undoubtedly Steve the Techno Vampire vs Ratin Mikichin. A pair of jobbers, intertwined within each other, outmaneuvering an uncaring boss? That's a true underdog story. That speaks to me on a molecular level. The twists, the turns, everything, I am so on board and I'm not even kidding.

In terms of 'okay wolfie shut the fuck up and name a match', I like battle royals, so-

alright fine. I've really enjoyed the build for Lizzie Rose vs Keres, because this has been a powerfully built story of one of the purest hearts in FWA being tormented into surrender, and valiantly fighting through it. It's been phenomenal, with unique segments and worldbuilding and I can't wait to read Lizzie punting that child into the sky. Honorable mentions to Snowmantashi vs MvH, which has been YEARS into the marking with two absolute top their writers, Peacock vs Truth, one of the consistent greats and a guy who has been on a fuckin' roll all year, and Bedlam vs Summers for having an extremely personal story and unique promo stipulation to really add that spice.

There's two matches that come to mind that are potentially missing, and interestingly both include Alyster Black. Vs Danny Toner, obvs, and vs weaselperson. Both seemed teased at certain points but I guess plans changed, and I get it. I suppose if things were different we could've had FTN vs TxR to continue that Black/Toner tease, with Aka Manto & dayspring/nightfall battling for no.1 contendership status, but dunno how available Rondo would be for that. Characters like Uncle, Ceasar, Diamond, Konchu, Kennedy, Gabrielle, Ramon being on the outs is a bummer, even though them being not available makes sense, with the handlers having other commitments.

For the commentary team, as long as Anzu is there it's fine. She can drag a mime into a good commentary team.

And finally, five promos in no real order that I enjoyed. Because I enjoyed a LOT of the stuff here and I've only just begun to get around to reading them. Disclaimer that as per usual I suck at reviewing.

Lizzie Rose's effort was top notch. How the hell did AON birth out so many promos for this show? Dude's a beast. Lizzie doing the regular ol' ditzy lizzie schtick would've hurt this story, so her being actually attempting to be serious about it shows massive gravitas, and I enjoyed the flashbacks - god I love flashbacks - not just showcasing Lizzie's unlikely journey to this moment, but how this story is effecting her so much to the point where she hasn't contacted her own mother - shoutout to Lizzie Rose for having one of the only healthy positive parental relationships in the entire cast - in months, and Daphne Shelly is worried sick. It was a tremendous promo, super enjoyable, and if there was anyone to really put forth how much of a horror threat Eternal is, it's Lizzie.

It was touched on in the discord a few days ago, but there's a select few talents who always put forth an A+ promo, to the point where it's not really commented on because that's the expected standard of them. For me, Cyrus Truth has always been in that select few. he's always been the gold standard. This promo just reflects it. From the sheer, sheer WANT of Cyrus to be back on the throne, because he's so tired of being considered the 'old flavor' so to say, because the title has been bounced around for more than a year now and it needs that steady hand to hold it, because he feels Peacock doesn't really appreciate the top prize, content enough with holding it and putting his name in the books rather than defending it to his last breath. I did get a little chuckle out of Cyrus being absolutely furious at the suggestion of a Western theme for his promo, knowing that just a little bit further down the thread there'd be two more Western themed promos, before he adjusted the idea to be a sort of subtle spectacle promo. Sure there's still presentation and effects involved but they serve as a backdrop, as a curtain behind the plot for added emphasis, rather than revolve around. I thought that was a great touch and a great added indicator of the 'Performer vs Entertainer' debate. Absolutely fantastic stuff, Cyrus.

Undisputed Xtacee Alliance had a very delightful promo, very comedic. Jackson & Nate have turned into some surprisingly enjoyable babyfaces whilst still being themselves, and Xtacee being the pivoter of this particular promo was a great way to give Xtacee some leadership points while Nate & Jackson followed their lead. The idea of utilizing speed dating to swivel through your opponents for some quick thoughts was unique and very well done. Much like the discord I laughed at the 'The blow-up doll doesn't respond because it's a blow-up doll, and those don't speak' line. Dry humor lemony narrator stuff like that just tickles my fancy. If anything, I was disappointed the speed dating was limited only to a few teams, but I do understand that you probably wanted to break off before it became routine. Enjoyable stuff, well done.

FUCK YEAH CESAR PINEDA. You have no idea how much I smiled when I saw him pop in in the tail end of Shawn Summer's promo. I thought you did wonderfully with the staged restrictions given, and dide a wonderful job pouring gasoline on the fire of this rivalry. A unique take on the Western genre and what it REALLY means to take the title from a gunslinger and be another spoke on the wheel of the eternal chase, and a descriptive piece that works surprisingly well, with Summers being such a fuckin' creep. God. I kinda wish there was the third stage promo of this, feel like it would've been a great choice for you to outline exactly how much of an unlikeable stain Summers is from the eyes of someone about to face him. My attention is still drawn to the Pineda appearance because fuck yeah - You know I popped for that guy.

FTN. Fuck you this is amazing, this is brilliant, this is funny as fuck. Something about CYOA stories that I feel is understated, is that there's either only one correct path with the rest being dead ends, or every path is pretty much the same with only minor variations. The best CYOA stories tend to invert this, with reader choices having some kind of effect on the story in one way or another, whilst still trying to have the core characters act in a way that reaches the desired conclusion. This said 'fuck that noise' in a lovely way, and I think, in a way that really resonates with a certain point. Because the core concept of a CYOA story is that the reader has some kind of power or control over the story. Even if it's minimalised or just for show, it's supposed to give the reader the illusion of control. Which means, FTN going anti-CYOA is essentially saying 'fuck that, you have no control here, you can't say how effective or believable our connection with each other is, we're the writers of our own story', more or less. It works, in a meta-sense from a convo on the discord, to a canon sense of Black & Peacock wanting to do their own thang and not feel like they have to go through a series or prearranged drama and building so they can hang out. Promo concept aside, the dialogue in this is just... Chef kissing noises. It's fun, it's earnest, it's fucking to-the-point, it's grand stuff. FTN fucking rules.

Bonus #1: Poor Sting Ray. I hope he has a good weekend ahead of him.

Bonus #2: I like Reagan Cole, and I hope he also has a good weekend ahead of him.

 

[WelshyBOI]

Review 1/5: @Dubble J

A Ghost From The Past

Holy shit, dude, this promo was fucking brilliant, and actually pretty fucking heartwarming at the end. I loved the Peacock and Aly appearances, and it was a great touch to have Bax think about the threat that they pose before thinking about the threat that Parr represents...also, I may be reading a little too much into it, but the idea that Besty and Scorpane weren't there for Bax when he felt as though he needed them most gives me hope for a future Baxxy face turn Loved the interaction between Baxxy and Kristy, and the flashbacks to moments in Baxter's life that resemble his current predicament, with Seth Tempest acting as a metaphor for Parr, were outstanding. Honestly, though, my favorite part of the entire promo was just the relationship/dynamic between Baxxy and Kristy, and given the ending of this promo, here's hoping we get more of that down the line, but ya know...not in Baxter's insomnia-induced hallucinations, lol.

Bravo, Dubbster. Bravo.

 

[Rosie]

Anytime that an RPer forces me to cross a promo idea off my list of future ideas, I resentfully give them a nod of respect. A high compliment considering people say that I was one of the originators of the current era of really creative promos. I wrote in my little notepad app "FWA zoo. Mabe twist is the visitors are actually the zoo people. Idk. Or just animals are FWA stars". Got it when I was watching Rick or Morty one night. But yeah, anyway, Katsu did it. And nailed it honestly because each little animal exhibit with the picture and description was just perfect. I think this promo would've been better suited for something that wasn't a 1v1 match, and rather something bigger like CC or the Trios Tournament (maybe flip that and the Zelda promo around?). But overall I loved everything about this promo from presentation, to creativity, and just overall a great commentary on Vengador and the background that Katsu and he have going back to Ground Zero.

I think the zoo promo wouldn't have been as fleshed out if it was used in the Trios match with the word limit. The Zelda promo I think someone mentioned my story behind that. But I really wanted the focus in the end of that promo to be Vengedor's "Lion." So I had the intro as a way to ease myself in writing, start off light, before going into a more serious tone. Plus the fed's a whole zoo of wild characters, might as well make the jokes.

 

[SupineSnake]

#2 - Trixie and the Coven.

Enjoyed the Indiana Jones theme of this one, but I wish that Trixie's assertion that it's always Nazis was true, which would mean only three films existed in the franchise. Three movies and a promo is more than enough. I thought you captured the adventure spirit of the source as well as some presentation elements whilst not going overboard with pastiche, which made this very much its own thing as opposed to a retread of the source material. It was definitely a good thing for creativity that this was a twist on a familiar theme, using recognisable elements, whilst telling its own story. Both this promo and the Yokai Death Squad promos had an adenvture-ish/quest vibe about them, which makes sense given the nature of the match and the multitude of adversaries to address. Both of them did a good job of using this structure to provide focus on opponents whilst also developing their own character.

Character was probably where this roleplay was at its most successful. I think you did a really good job of developing both the individuals within the trio and the dynamic between them (along with the peripherals not in the match). The individual focus was most clear during the climactic sequences, where each of the women are asked to confront what they hate the most after becoming separated. It was interesting to see the contrast in answers between Trixie's very internalised reply and the Ravenwood sisters, who were both very externalised in their responses. Thought Trixie's semi-monologue here was well done and retained some subtlety even if going for something quite emotive, and would like to have seen this built upon if the word count limit had allowed for it. Perhaps this is something we will see developed in future promos. The character has definitely come across as low on self-confidence but thought this self-loathing was more extreme in the roleplay than what we've already seen, progressing the character along nicely and giving us some more insight into what makes the characters tick.

The conversational dynamic was strong throughout the promo between the characters, and again implied some subtle contrast and conflict between Bordeaux and the Ravenwoods, as well as between the sisters as a direct result of it. Blair's reluctance to accept Trixie, and her inability to suffer her perceived foolishness, as a catalyst for general mistrust of KDS and in the stable as a whole was really well done. Good to see the development of the mechanisms within the group and perhaps suggestions of the hierarchy also. Excellent that you managed to weave in so much character work (both in terms of portrayal and development) whilst working within the three thousand word limit.

Presentation was helped out by the formatting of the PDF for sure, both in terms of the background and the opening banner (which, as I've already mentioned, helped place us within your chosen context). Enjoyed the images dotted throughout, thought these added to the tone of the promo (along with the font choice). These elements conspired in creating an almost child-like feeling to the adventure, which fits well with the Trixie character and the general sense of awe-struck wonderment with which she walks around during her interactions with the rest of the Coven. Think presentation would've improved with an additional proofread - a handful of small mistakes riddled throughout, one or two character names also which snapped me out of the dialogue when it happened. The instance with Ethel/Ethal was the most prominent one here.

I enjoyed the cameo of Kleio and Ethel at the end, and thought this had humorous foreshadowing with the Ravenwoods pondering where she has been. More development of these dynamics between the group's members. Coven and Trixie are both benefiting from this relationship, super interested to see the stable progress.

 

[Nostradamus]

Alright, let me throw my hat in this:

-Which match am I looking forward to the most, and why?
Three Stages of Hell. I'm just a mark for this match type and I really want to see Tommy Bedlam pull out a W here.

-Which absent match do I wish was on the card?
I know storyline directions dictated otherwise, but I would have just loved Princess Nova in a match with some stake behind it.

-Who should have been on comms?
JLW and AP simply because those are the ones I used for the match I wrote.

-Which FIVE promos did I enjoy and why? (In no particular order)
1. Jeremy Best:
This was just captivating. You really get the feeling of someone progressively losing their fucking marbles over an obsession as time progresses. A mind fracturing and disassociating from reality and creating their own warped world is right in my wheelhouse and I absolutely loved it. I think I know of a few people that know how to make someone reshape their broken reality and come back at their fullest potential *rubs chin mischievously*

2. Regan Cole:
Two words - "I agree."
I really feel like this promo had a lot of heart and I could get behind every word of it. Seriously brought a tear to my eye. Give it a perfect score, damn it.

3. Katsu (On Exhibit):
As per usual, Beavie puts forward what I consider a perfect promo. I'll admit to being a little "ehhhh" when I first heard her idea, simply because I was trying to work out how I would have done the zoo idea, but then I realized it wasn't something I could have pulled off in the way she did, and BOY did she pull it off. The literal usage of description plaques you would see at a zoo is probably one of the most clever/creative things I've ever seen in a promo.

4. MvH:
Is there much that even needs to be said that hasn't been said dozens of times by probably everyone else here? I will say that this promo has given me a fucking stellar idea for a (long into the) future Keres promo, so thanks for that. Always top notch, nuff said really. Really looking forward to the retirement of MvH though!

5. Weaselperson:
I will never fucking understand weaselperson. That said, this did a decent job of explaining what the fuck weaselperson is to me, or at least his motives and what he thinks. Lastly, bark.

Honorable Mention: Lizzie Rose
Won't say anything that could be considered a review, but I am very happy with how your promo turned out and I look forward to see how you, and everyone else, like our banger of a match.

 

[SupineSnake]

#3 - Chris Peacock vs. Cyrus Truth.

Excuse the rambling.

This very much felt like a climactic piece for both characters. For Peacock, it's an obvious closing chapter (except for the promised DLC, which I'm looking forward to and will feel cheated if we don't get) of the ongoing video game narrative Man's been running. This has obviously been an extremely creative thing - obviously longer running story arcs isn't a new thing entirely in efedding, but the way that Man has done it and how invested his writing has been in this one setting is something I've not seen before. Finishing the arc here gave you ample opportunities for resolution in your promo story, which maybe you could argue is lacking from the on-screen ones for the characters. For Cyrus, this felt like a climactic episode in a much grander sense, particularly through the ultimatum that Truth is placing upon himself in his 'do or die' attitude towards this match. Difficult to imagine an FWA without Truth in the upper echelons so I hope that doesn't come to pass in either result scenario, but playing heavily on that in the promo gave conclusiveness to the Truth roleplay to match Peacock's.

An image that stuck out to me in the Cyrus RP that exemplifies this: Cyrus sitting at his desk, surrounded by hand-written volumes. Certainly felt like direct allusion to Cyrus the handler doing the same thing, surrounded by the countless promos that he's done for the character, perhaps at the end of it all. Thought this image and others like it sprinkled throughout the promo made this a lot more creative than it might originally seem. I remember Jam and I did a promo for the Elite Classic tournament that had a similar stripped back vibe, discussing a meta that has become even more integral and amplified in the FWA in the years since. It's one that I've thrown myself into, too, as has almost everyone by this stage, and I liked that Truth addressed this within the text. The general approach was interesting and creative, you promised a deconstruction of the FWA meta and gave us one in a way that I thought was very fitting for the character. Loved the promo director guy pitching a western and how this was used to transition into Cyrus' discussions of the prevailing style in the fed. Don't know if this was done deliberately because of the stipulation in the X/TV title match but was well worked eitherway.

Have mentioned that this felt very true to Cyrus' character in that you've sort of made the monologue your own in the FWA in a manner where it has become synonymous with Truth almost. Guess that can be considered a good or bad thing, but think you're playing on that here which was very effective. Although it was a lengthy piece with mostly just Cyrus talking it was engaging throughout, mostly because of the routinely insightful and thoughtful ways that you deconstruct your opponents during these speeches.

Cyrus' character work was strong, particularly character portrayal I thought, and was thinking through the first half of Man's promo that maybe it was suffering on account of splitting its focus between the Christopher character and the Watcher character. This allowed for some good opponent focus in Man's promo but felt a little fragmented, as if we were being dragged away from Peacock just as we were beginning to get beneath the surface of the character. I think this was rectified in the sequence with multiple Peacocks, which for my money is the strongest part of the whole roleplay. Whilst fighting the battle within is a theme that’s maybe commonplace within the FWA (and was used by Cyrus as part of his CC promo amongst other examples), and representations of ‘dark sides’ manifesting as replicas initially felt a little ‘Shawnathon’, I thought the sequence found its feet as a deconstruction of Peacock’s character and the manner in which he fought them out of fear (fear for what he might be, almost in denial of himself) rather than courage was very unique and fitting. Felt the emotions/attributes chosen to represent Peacock by these replicas were excellent and just thought Christopher’s reaction to the entire situation felt so in keeping with what you’ve built. Self-acceptance was obviously a feature of my roleplay but you approached it in a very different way and with extremely different resolution. Usually I’d maybe feel this level of self-acceptance, almost a u-turn in comparison to where I felt the character was going into the promo, was a little unnatural and unrealistic, but think this sequence was so well-written as a sort of catalyst moment that it gave this climactic realisation enough realism to see it through.

I did think that after the strength of this interlude, we climbed back down a little from those heights for what should’ve been the climactic battle of the promo. I guess it still was, and was well-written enough (particularly enjoyed the ending and its use of short sentences to drill home the progression, something often employed by your opponent) to hold my engagement. It definitely felt like the true climax had already just happened (within Christopher’s mind, within a video game) in the prior sequence.

I thought the Cyrus Truth promo was cleaner in terms of overall presentation, although to pick out errors in the Peacock promo would be splitting hairs. A few sentences seemed to run away from Man (stuff like ‘Chris did X as he did Y as he did Z’, or just too many clauses for clarity), whereas Cyrus’ use of language felt more concise whilst still retaining flair (which was necessary, given that the flair had been quite deliberately removed from the rest of the promo). I do think than Man went a little more ‘above and beyond’ in terms of the overall look of the roleplay, although this is perhaps slightly dampened by the fact that it has now become expected as part of the Flight of the Peacock series.

I alluded earlier to Cyrus’ way of deconstructing his opponent, and think this was overall the strongest thing about his promo. Dwelling upon one line that Peacock delivered during the contract signing segment on the go-home Fallout, and from there unravelling both the character and his attitude towards the world championship that he carries, was a really clever way of approaching the match. It made the piece feel very relevant to events on-screen (not normally essential for me in a promo, but given the nature of this one and the theme I thought it was additionally important in this case) whilst also allowing you to feed into some of the key elements of Cyrus’ own character, specifically his attitude towards the FWA World Championship. I thought this promo was unbelievable for match focus. Flight of the Peacock had it, most obviously in the Watcher scenes, but it definitely felt more sprawling in its focus and a little fragmented in the first half. I thought the Truth promo was able to deftly negotiate character work and opponent focus in a very stripped back but subtly creative way.

Glad I don’t have to grade this one oh shit.

 

[WelshyBOI]

Review 2/5: @AON

Lizzie Rose Promo

WOW. Deadly serious Lizzie is something else...I am now afraid of Keres's safety after reading this I enjoyed that there were still snippets of the fun-loving Lizzie that we've all come to know and love, from the flashbacks to earlier in her career. I really enjoyed learning a bit more about her origin story in wrestling. "I can do this all day." says the plucky underdog from Brooklyn...just waiting for the promo where Lizzie gets injected with copious amounts of super serum and becomes the new Captain America except, ya know, Lizzie would be WAY BETTER than Steve Rogers! The Ground Zero interview was all laughs, lol. Loved up...but obviously, the meat and bones here is Lizzie confronting The Garden of Eden, and man...Lizzie has pretty much always been my favorite character in this Fed, but now...I'm pretty sure she's uncatchable in that regard. The amount of depth she's gained from this storyline with Eternal, and the form you've been on since this storyline started. Dude...you're the fucking best. Amazing stuff.

 

[SupineSnake]

#4 - Katsu

Don't think there's any single setting that's as likely to immediately put me off a promo than a zoo but I stuck with it. I enjoyed the set up, with Katsu meeting all of the animals that happen to follow an FWA theme. Thought this was an entertaining introduction to the promo but would maybe have liked to have seen the focus more on characters with more of a direct link to Katsu? I don't know if that's quibbling, this was only the set-up to the promo and I enjoyed it. The focus shifts onto Vengador and I wondered how you were going to elongate this focus for the duration of the promo. The way you did, with the lion escaping the zoo, was a really inventive idea. I liked how this played on the Vengador character, using the lion - this creature that becomes hunted for what he's done to the police officer (yay) and then the lamb (boo) - to represent the bounty hunter. This was a novel way of portraying the predator-becomes-prey trope, which in itself was super in context for the upcoming match.

I enjoyed the revelation of Katsu's 'mentor', thought this was suitably enigmatic considering what we've seen from (or more accurately heard of) this side character so far, answering some questions whilst also asking some more. I think it is maybe true that Katsu has a large number of peripheral characters now, which I realise may be quite ironic for me of all people to point out. Think I'd like to see the ones you have developed further for the timebeing: this is something you've started to do well with some characters, particularly the Yokai Death Squad, but maybe (currently) less successfully with some of the others (i.e. Ririko (sp?) et al). Gotta avoid the dread Nephew fatigue.

Presentation-wise I thought this was a super clean promo, generally. It probably lacked some of the immediate flash of the YDS trios promo, but think there was much more clarity with the text here in terms of font colour and background choice. Maybe there's a middle ground that can be struck there between the two. But this was a noticeably clean effort in terms of spelling and grammar and one of my highest scoring promos (so far) on this card on that specific characteristic.

I think from a 'character' perspective, we are now really starting to get Katsu and her anxieties, insecurities, etc. Some of the best parts of this promo were her internal thoughts (which I think is a part of your game that has really developed - I get much more of a sense of the character's thoughts and feelings alongside her actions from these descriptive parts) as well as through the dialogue. This comes through her interactions with the mentor and then, at the promo's conclusion, with the lion itself. I thought this was quite a bold choice and could've come across as maybe clumsy but think you did more than a good enough job on that section to see the difficult scene through. I do think maybe Katsu having such difficulty putting the lion down was maybe insincere if just viewed through the lens of the Vengador metaphor: I don't believe that they've built up enough of a relationship to justify this yet, but think this indulgence can be forgiven on account of the portentousness that accompanies Back in Business.

This promo definitely felt like a step outside of the box for you whilst also remaining true to your individual writing style. For the first half of the promo, I felt certain that it was going to drop into a pretty standard structure of off-screen for the first half and then on-screen monologue for the second. There was a moment when the soliloquy started that I felt vindicated in this assumption, but then the swerve that led to the hunt section completed these formulaic fears. This felt like more of a uniquely structured and paced promo than recent Katsu pieces, which led to a less predictable and more engaging character piece. Really good work.

 

[Rosie]

I enjoyed the revelation of Katsu's 'mentor', thought this was suitably enigmatic considering what we've seen from (or more accurately heard of) this side character so far, answering some questions whilst also asking some more. I think it is maybe true that Katsu has a large number of peripheral characters now, which I realise may be quite ironic for me of all people to point out. Think I'd like to see the ones you have developed further for the timebeing: this is something you've started to do well with some characters, particularly the Yokai Death Squad, but maybe (currently) less successfully with some of the others (i.e. Ririko (sp?) et al). Gotta avoid the dread Nephew fatigue.

Yeah, I think when it comes to side characters I kind of see YDS, Kimmy, and Kosuke as her "Important ones" with others sort of coming and going as needed. I actually avoided using the mentor since Carnal Contendership because I want her to come in as "needed" and develop her relationship with her stablemates until now. Def will consider where and when to use the "side characters" in match promos for sure.

And Ririko is a precious bean, I will not take any slander to her! Though I do think when it comes to her she's the one I am figuring out her voice for right now. Cali I've used for years, longer than Katsu. So I have her voice down.

This promo definitely felt like a step outside of the box for you whilst also remaining true to your individual writing style. For the first half of the promo, I felt certain that it was going to drop into a pretty standard structure of off-screen for the first half and then on-screen monologue for the second. There was a moment when the soliloquy started that I felt vindicated in this assumption, but then the swerve that led to the hunt section completed these formulaic fears. This felt like more of a uniquely structured and paced promo than recent Katsu pieces, which led to a less predictable and more engaging character piece. Really good work.

For sure I'm also trying to play through ways for me to play with my promo structure which really started I think the last show or two. I've got an idea for some future matches, but it is about the execution of those when they come. Without getting into detail, I think whatever structure I do depends on what story I want to tell. For the Trios promo, it was about showing how YDS, with each of their individual traits/quirks, make them different, yet in harmony as a strong team with a strong bond. (Tri-force, balance, all that). So a mental flashback to when they sort of promise to each other "We're going to help each other" worked in my mind.


Even my Ninth Inning promo against Cyrus. A lot of the promo I had mentions of pressure, facing tough competition and the feeling related to it, telling it through a sport and her bond with her brother and idols. So her playing catch with him as a kid, scared of the ball. To her as an adult, meeting her brother again, both sort of on their way to accomplishing their dreams, a lot of steps forward, but still that insecurity. Then that game she had in a day-dream, I know it is late now to explain, but that was the finals of the World baseball Classic this year. Her "Speech" to her team, the exact same speech Shohei Ohtani gave to his team before the game, mentioning the raw talent of the US (Or in this case, Raw talent and experience of CT) and to not be stuck "Admiring them." Go in to win their game. Let it be their day. Then beat for beat recreation of the final at bat. Max pressure. Being an equal before the final pitch, where she hopes to come out on top.

So I think that's kind of my hope. Try to structure the promo in the best way to tell the story. Thanks for the feedback, a lot to consider, especially with a big match or two on the horizon.

 

[SupineSnake]

#5 - Krash vs. Jeremy Best

Given the intensely personal story that you’ve developed on-screen over the past year, I think it comes as no surprise that these are two very emotional promos that primarily consider the two characters involved and the relationship between them. In the Jeremy promo, that means viewing (through Jeremy’s eyes, which we now know are corrupted and perhaps even unreliable) Krash morph from hero into colleague, and then from there the relationship sort of takes on two dual routes. One is fantastical, viewing Krash as a partner, whereas the other, ‘real’ route sees Best turn his back on his friend and vow to destroy what is left of him. I thought this device - although in itself one that’s been employed a few times, sort of envisioning an alternate history within the fed - did well in contrasting Jeremy’s expectations with reality. We’ve seen him develop into someone who is definitely obsessive and quite manipulative, and it was interesting to look back at key events in this ‘friendship’ (some familiar, like the CIBERNETICO!, and other older memories that are new to the reader) with the warning signs for this progression highlighted.

When reading the first two thirds of the Dubb promo, I was reminded more than a little of Rupert Pupkin in the King of Comedy. In that film, Pupkin is an aspiring comedian who hosts a talkshow in his bedroom that he records, until eventually he kidnaps Jerry Lewis and holds him hostage to get on his show. Jeremy Best planning as a young man to be Krash’s tag team partner and eventually losing a part of his mind in order to make that a reality is an almost tragic story, and although you’d have a hard time fully convincing an audience to be sympathetic towards Best I think you did a great job here of providing background for this mental slide. I definitely felt like I understood Jeremy’s side of things more after reading this promo.

Whilst I envisioned Best as Pupkin during the Best promo, there were periods in the Krash one where this kidnapper is almost pitched as a Dahmer-type figure, a shrine made from his fallen enemies. I think Wolf did an amazing job of describing the terror that the character has undergone at Jeremy’s hands: the descriptive sections revolving around Him were amongst the very best in the roleplay. The capitalisation of these pronouns helped to reinforce what Jeremy has become in the White Wolf’s mind. These sections read, at times, like fragmented half-thoughts, like the meandering rambles of a mind now addled. Krash being unable to enjoy things that he used to enjoy (like in the video game scene), and throughout the promo unable to pick up where he left off with old relationships, helped to create a perfect picture of depression and abstraction.

This idea of old relationships now leaving Krash numb is something that runs through the promo and where a lot of its emotional punch lies. Seeing that with Alyster Black had force considering the long history between the pair and the closeness we’ve observed before Krash’s fall. The imagery around the journals amongst the gold was really powerful and again helped to reinforce this new frame of mind. I liked how the job fell to Violet to deliver the promo’s climactic monologue, doing so in order to try and convince Krash that the match is a good idea and might help him overcome his expressed difficulties. This was well written and Dreyer's points were in keeping for her character, but I thought Krash was perhaps dragged around from his nihilism to accepting the match a little too quickly. I actually thought sudden resolutions was an issue in both promos: Jeremy's also seemed to flip to reality from fantasy and then ended rather abruptly. Would've perhaps liked to have seen this section expanded upon rather than the sort of summary of the last few paragraphs.

Both promos took a straightforward approach towards presentation which I thought was fair enough given the raw and personalised content of both of them. The Dubb promo was noticeably improved in terms of presentation. Think it was clear this had undergone more careful proofing which helped keep me believing in the promo. The Krash roleplay was a little less clean, probably due to the time it was posted. The spelling and grammar was fine generally but a few formatting errors crept in here and there, particularly during Violet's speech.

Thought both promos were very creative whilst remaining (mostly, except for the dream sequence scenes in Dubb's) within the 'real' world. Krash mostly accomplished this through his impervious use of language, particularly during the aforementioned 'He/Him/His' scenes which were amongst the best written on the card. I liked the letter sections in Dubb's promo, although the device itself isn't new I thought the biggest fan style content was fresh (and enjoyed reading the one from Krash as Steve Zissou). Both could've seemed quite fragmented given the structures you chose but were well tied together by that common thread running throughout the two, namely the relationship between Jeremy and Krash.

This match really saw unequaled character work on this card in my opinion. The primary focus, as I've said, of both roleplays was firmly upon the shifting dynamic between Best and Krash. I think it was telling that you both dwelled upon the same sorts of seemingly innocuous phrases (like 'i've been a fan of yours for a while', delivered in the excellent Luis scene, which is a paraphrasing of a lot of the highlighted dialogue from Dubb's promo) as warning signs or as catalysts for what may seem from one angle seismic character shift, but from another have maybe been inevitable all along.

 

[SupineSnake]

#6 - Keres.

I thought the biggest strength of this promo was definitely the rich imagery, which is well-drawn and densely packed, described extensively in such a way that draws these vibrant pictures of purple-masted ships and entangled flowers in the reader's mind. I thought these latter images, with peripheral characters entangled in roses amidst Keres' carefully planted gardens, were exquisitely drawn and really vividly described. We've been introduced to the character and this Avant Garde style mostly through your work with Princess Nova, with the TORN universe in itself an abstract and unique construct within the FWA, and I think you really run wild with this semi-surrealistic, semi-symbolic style when working individually. It felt at times like you were painting the images themselves, aided only slightly by the pictorial elements of the promo - in fact I think the strength of your description made these more direct images a little redundant.

Although the quality of the descriptive passages was high throughout, I did at times feel like you focused on what was occurring at the expense of the thoughts and feelings of those participating in the scene. Of course, this could very well be a deliberate choice by the writer, given that Keres is a new character (still), and maybe the author wanted to preserve some of that mystique. I can understand wanting to keep their thoughts somewhat guarded, but at times I thought the promo became a list of descriptive acts that, whilst rich in imagery and symbolism, perhaps came at the expense of the thoughts and feelings of Keres.

I loved the figures, still being developed, with which Keres surrounds herself in this promo, from Somber and Solace to Eden to those aboard the Dead Vessel. I thought that these peripheral characters added to the overall tapestry that you wove here without ever distracting or detracting from Keres herself, who remains the overall focus of the promo. Although Lizzie remained a prominent strand throughout the promo, this was achieved in ways that were less direct and, maybe as a result of this, less emotionally satisfying than the Rose promo. As a result, I felt whilst character portrayal was strong in this roleplay, the development mostly lay in the world surrounding Keres, which although worthwhile could've been re-centred on the primary character.

This was a very clean promo in terms of presentation, with a few things that could have been sorted with another proof but mostly spelling and grammar was in order. Certainly one of the cleanest promos posted in that regard, and aided by carefully chosen formatting that was unique and interesting without being intrusive on the text itself. Also thought this was an extremely creative piece, mostly down to the strength of the evocative imagery and the rich university you're continuing to create with Keres. Reading this promo, there was a clear sense that it was unlike anything else posted on the card, both in terms of the writing style and the mystique surrounding this character.

#7 - Tommy Bedlam.

I will preface this by saying I haven't yet read part three of the trilogy. Will get to that early next week. From the title of that it suggested maybe it is a follow-on in part to the first installment. Can't comment on any extension or resolution that might be found there.

I enjoyed the western themed promo from number one and thought there was some old school western vibes there, along the John Ford interpretation of the genre (specifically Liberty Valance maybe, with the inclusion of lawmen as well as the judiciary). You did a good job of linking your story and the appointed context to the FWA world in a fun and inventive way, with the three central characters of Tommy, Shawn, and Randi being particularly well realised. I think she in particular has become a really strong part of your roleplays recently. You've found her voice really well and think the way that her and Tommy play off each other is engaging and endearing. I wasn't sure about the extent to which Randi should become embroiled in this feud, but it's been perfect considering the nature of the characters involved and think the way that Randi becomes entangled in the narrative during part one is a good representation of that.

I would've maybe liked to have seen the Summers characters become a little more prominent during scenes involving the one-off peripheral characters. This is perhaps hampered by the word limit but think it's possible the representation of Summers in part one could be read as a little one-dimensional. Think there was more scope for outside the box thinking on the Shawn stand-in here given the nuance of that character. Also the climactic scene descended into the sort of climactic showdown - where the focus is heavy on action description over character work - we almost always get in these sorts of promos (there were other examples on this card and it's something I'm often guilty of in JANA promos). Summers shooting first and then Tommy overpowering him was sort of how I was expecting the duel to go down so maybe some subversion of that would've been good.

I think the second promo was the stronger one of the two that I've read so far. I'm glad that Lucien, as a concept and theme even if the character himself was (sort of) absent from the roleplay, is continuing to have an effect on your work. Think this is a really interesting plot strand that you've got going and an interesting way of you addressing Tommy's violent, heelish past. Probably important that you address that whilst writing him as a face and think the Lucien character is a neat way of doing that. This whole promo in many ways seemed like a study of Tommy's violent past… almost an ode to it. The Monster within trope is one that is run out an awful lot in the FWA, but I think the fact that your opponent had a lengthy and notable run doing the Shawnathan thing which had a lot of similar elements makes it a relevant device to use here. The theme of violence, and Tommy's shifting relationship towards it (flitting between shame and acceptance of it throughout the sweeping roleplay), seems particularly fitting given that this match is for the X Championship. It seemed that both part one and part two attempted to in some ways seem relevant to the championship being contested in that fall. This was a nice touch, but I thought some of the ways you achieved this in part one (such as the name of the town) were maybe a little surface level, whilst part two's analysis of the violence associated with the X title was a lot more meaningful and impacting.

Your character work was strong throughout both parts but for very different reasons. In part one, I appreciated the translation of Tommy and some of his key attributes (including his inner struggle with regards to his relationship with violence, which provides some interconnectivity between the two) into the unfamiliar western setting. I think part two certainly has a more inherently direct approach to Tommy as a character but was equally as effective, probably moreso. The sprawling nature of the promo, taking place over a series of key moments in Bedlam's life, allowed you to clearly show the shifts in the character over time and (perhaps more importantly in this particular piece) the things that have remained constant. This promo definitely served to add a lot of layers to Tommy as a face and as a character generally.

#8 - XYZ and the Ménage.

I echo Rig's sentiments that it's wonderful to get a TGO promo this Back in Business: in fact we got two, and I appreciated the links between the two promos. That they sort of operated in tandem was in itself quite unique on this card, with moments and events from the Ménage promo (namely their entering of the trios tournament) popping up and influencing events in the XYZ piece. Was nice to see the Ménage getting a roleplay entirely separate from XYZ without him popping up for even a cameo, although his shadow is obviously always over his peripheral accomplices. I probably wouldn't have chosen these three from the Ménage if you'd told me they were entering the battle royale and asked me to pick who, although perhaps this is the point. I love the suit character - think he's a good contrast from the rest of the group with his sort of straight-laced attitude and I appreciate the continuity you've shown in gradually building the group up around X. I think maybe defining some of the characters by their nationality when introducing them each time undervalues the characterisation you've done with these peripheral characters.

As for XYZ himself, I think he's one of the most underrated characters in the fed in terms of the work you've been doing for the last year. A lot of this is probably him being overshadowed by Golden and the dizzy heights you reached with him at the end of his career. Through the troubles experienced in his childhood, his relationship with his dog, and the trauma of Al's cancer travails, I've built a real emotional attachment to XYZ since his reintroduction to the fed. I think at times it is true that this character work has come at the expense of focus on your opponent, with X quite often flippantly dismissing the other people in the match as unworthy of his time or thought. I am glad you didn't do the same thing here. The feud with Death Walker and now Jason Randall has been low-key awesome and actually one of the longest running stories in the FWA right now, so some focus on them - albeit dragged out of him by the Ménage - was a necessary component of the promo.

I think this idea of focusing on the wrong things is clearly a central theme, with XYZ more interested in the events on Giggleton Prime 2.4 than his upcoming grudge match with Death and Randall. Was very fitting that it's those around XYZ that push his focus back in the right direction, and this idea that they are as much the protagonist as X is further pushed towards the end of the promo when they are all dubbed leaders in their own right. This theme was well integrated into the promo and I think has been something that's run through a lot of your work with him: XYZ is an embodiment of the everyday hero, with his ragtag followers far from the sheen of your standard superhero squads (or indeed the blockbuster Nephews).

I'm obviously generally a mark for science fiction based stuff and I am glad to see that element featuring strongly in this promo. I think you've written just enough ambiguity in how much of X's adventures are an invention in previous roleplays but not too much so as to rob these sequences of their impact. The presentation of the promo was obviously generally good, as it invariably is, though a few spelling/grammar/word choice issues were present here and there. Think this was quite creative in its zany, freewheeling plot, as well as X's typically bombastic and semi-comprehensible monologue. Stuff like that is why X is the most difficult character in the fed for me to approximate.

 

[SupineSnake]

#9 - Aka Manto.

I really like that you're sticking with the footnotes within your promos, even if you're not using them as extensively as you were when they first debuted. I think this helps to make your promos stand out as unique, giving them your own style and distinctive structure that is different from what everyone else is doing. You seem to use them mostly to expand upon a point or to analyse the main text in a somewhat philosophical way, which gives these annotations a different feeling to the rest of the promo. It feels like the same narrator's voice but maybe speaking in a more candid way, addressing the audience directly and outside of the primary narrative. I think this device has settled down into something that adds value and difference to the piece without being intrusive or adding an additional layer of difficulty to its reading.

I think it's fair to say that the primary focus of this promo was your own characters, and even then there was more emphasis placed upon Aka than Keiko for large stretches. The result was a promo that felt heavy on character development and progression, specifically for Yurei. This was done in an interesting way, with the ladder obviously very relevant for the match type here. I felt that outside of this central image and a few throwaway lines about FTN or dayspring/nightfall there wasn't a huge amount of opponent focus throughout this one. I would've maybe liked to have seen a little more on the champions and the other challengers amongst the excellent character work. It was interesting to see some familiar faces from Aka's past show up, as well as less familiar to Aka in the climb's later stretches. These sections were well-written and helped punch home Aka's insecurities and the internal struggle that was so prominent during her last run.

The ladder metaphor was relevant and the conclusion of this theme was thoughtful enough, though part of me did stray towards reading that part of the promo in Littlefinger's voice. It's interesting that the promo features foreshadowing about the pitfalls of climbing such a greasy ladder, and wonder if this - along with the central theme of betrayal stemming from the flashback to Aka Manto's prior experience in ladder matches - is hinting at what to expect from a Yurei/Hirabayashi title reign. I think this flashback in general certainly adds a layer to Aka Manto as a team, suggesting some jeopardy here in what I'd previously assumed was a pretty steadfast relationship. That they've dealt with such a drastic event that would split most teams apart and then patched it back together certainly seems notable, though I'm unsure if this gives me more or less faith in the duo as a team.

I like that many of the promos for Back in Business felt like continuations of longer running themes or narratives, rather than standalone pieces. This also fits into that category, both because of the footnotes I spoke about earlier, but also with the Victorian mansion setting in Oregon that was introduced a couple of promos ago. Thought the description of this place and its position amongst the mountains was well done, and maybe pointing at Aka and Keiko finding themselves out of place in their current environment more generally. The dynamic between the characters also continues to develop, with greater contrast now becoming apparent between the two. This was really strong work and the latest in a string of excellent promos for this team.