Fuji's Micro Reviews

[Fuji Vice]

Wow, haven't done one of these in awhile but I just watched a bunch of randoms over the past few days so here you go....

Alien Origin

​

Plot: Direct-to-video sci-fi that features a Bolivian Special Forces team on the run from alien invaders.

Comments: That's right folks, I said BOLIVIAN Special Forces team! I didn't know Bolivia had a Special Forces but apparently they do and apparently they're not really good at their job. Hell, these guys can't even find their way out of a jungle or manage to survive until the end of the film (not really a spoiler since it tells you that at the very beginning). This could be called a mash-up of Predator and Prometheus but nowhere near as good as either of those two films, which shouldn't surprise you considering it was released by the fine morons at Asylum Films. Anyhow, nothing of note happens, there's no discernible plot, you never really see characters die and it ends with some bizarre statement that really just makes you wonder how movies like this get made in the first place. 3/10.

A Few Thoughts: Boats just don't look right in the middle of the jungle.

I didn't realize the interior of an alien spacecraft looked just like a late 90's IT department.

Apparently "advanced alien weaponry" is just a bunch of Roman candles.

Crowsnest

​

Plot: Direct-to-video found footage horror that features some kids with a shaky camera on the run from backwoods killers.

Comments: You know, this was surprisingly alright outside of the standard 15 minute setup where I'm introduced to characters I don't give a crap about. I actually DID start caring for them partway through the film due to some decent development, but by then the second major problem popped up, that being the totally shaky camera. I GET IT, they're running for their lives, but I almost got motion sickness from the amount of movement going on in this film. One thing I will say in its defense, it actually gives a legitimate reason why people would continue filming instead of just dropping the camera and running, which I think may be the only time I've ever seen that done. That, and the pretty decent end scene make it worth a minor recommendation if you like the found footage genre. 5/10.

A Few Thoughts: It's very Canadian to go looking for a place to buy beer at half price.

Nobody likes a party pooper, especially when they talk about the Bible all the time.

When an RV almost kills your friend, it's best not to follow because there could be psycho redneck killers in it.

Hell High

​

Plot: Direct-to-video slasher that features a psychotic teacher take revenge on some teens after they sexually assault her.

Comments: An interesting twist on the standard slasher formula, where the individual taking revenge is a woman who has repressed childhood memories of killing two idiots who broke her doll. I really did enjoy that unique twist and waiting for her to snap was certainly a lot of fun, but the main problem here is that the acting just totally ruins everything else about the movie. Outside of the psycho killer woman (who is only so for a little bit at the end) everyone else here should be ashamed of their lackluster performances. The DVD features a Joe Bob Briggs commentary track which is actually better to listen to than the movie itself and yes, that means I watched it twice in a row! 5/10.

A Few Thoughts: Throwing mud at people riding a motorcycle is VERY dangerous.

If you quit the football team its alright, you can still have a successful career as a vandal, a liar and a thief.

Screaming at the top of your lungs like a girl is never a manly thing to do.

 

[Wang Chung]

Man out of those three Hell High looks like it would be amazingly bad but fun to watch. Bolivia special forces cant beat Aliens.

 

[Fuji Vice]

Man out of those three Hell High looks like it would be amazingly bad but fun to watch. Bolivia special forces cant beat Aliens.

It was pretty fun if you can get past the acting, here's the trailer.....

[video=youtube;jK07cJks55o]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jK07cJks55o[/video]

 

[Fuji Vice]

Hey, hey, I'm back with four, count 'em, FOUR more micro reviews, so let's get right into them.....

8213: Gacy House



​

Plot: Hey, it's a found footage movie. This one has a bunch of "paranormal investigators" checking out the house that was built on the property where John Wayne Gacy's house used to be. Guess what? Yep, bad shit happens to them.

Comments: Honestly, this wasn't the worst found footage horror movie that I've ever seen, which basically just tells you how bad the genre CAN be because it still totally sucked! I didn't mind the concept, after all, Gacy was a pretty evil dude, but the fact that it wasn't even HIS house that they were investigating really bugged me. I realize the original house had been knocked down, but being as that was the case they could have at least talked a little about how you can never really remove "evil" from a location. Instead they just rely on the usual cheap scare tactics and doors slamming shut that populate all of these movies and while there's some really nice forced nudity at the end, there isn't enough to save this from the poop pile. 3/10.

A Few Thoughts: If you claim to be a spiritualist you should actually know what you're talking about since big boobs can only get you so far.

Sitting alone in a truck outside a haunted house does NOT guarantee your safety.

Remember kids, if you have sex in a horror movie, chances are high that you'll be dying fairly soon after.

100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck



​

Plot: Hey, it's a found footage movie. This one has a bunch of "paranormal investigators" checking out the house that Richard Speck killed a bunch of women in. Guess what? Yep, bad shit happens to them.

Comments: While not as bad as Gacy House, 100 Ghost Street isn't a whole lot better. I will say that it "seemed" a lot better but that's probably because my expectations were severely lowered. Anyhow, there are at least some halfway decent scares in this movie, including a pretty nasty scene where a guy gets sucked into a drainpipe, a girl being raped by an invisible ghost and another being forced to hide under the bed and listen to it happen. There's also this really unsettling noise that the "ghost" in the film makes whenever he's near, which certainly served to make me feel more than a little creeped out. So yeah, it had it's moments, but none were enough for me to recommend this to anyone but the biggest found footage fan. 5/10.

A Few Thoughts: You're in Richard Speck's domain. It's best not to make fun of him bitch!

When someone offers to help you go get a pair of bolt cutters...LET THEM!!!

Saying "I beat you" to a ghost pretty much guarantees you're the next victim.

Apartment 143 (Emergo)



​

Plot: Hey, it's a found footage movie. This one has a bunch of "paranormal investigators" checking out a supposedly haunted apartment. Guess what? Yep, bad shit happens to them.

Comments: You know, this one wasn't half bad, and not just because the ones I'd watched before it were. Instead, this one focused on the investigators attempts to use science to prove what was happening, a really welcome switch from the ghost crap that I'd been watching recently. Was it great? Not really, but it was definitely one of the better found footage films I'd seen in awhile. This one had more than it's fair share of creepy shit going on, including the usual wall-walking person, a really funky gag with a strobe light and some nifty effects when a character becomes "possessed". There's also a fairly good jump scare at the very end that, while cliched, certainly did the trick with me. That's about all I can ask for from one of these found footage horrors so a slight thumbs up from me. 6/10.

A Few Thoughts: If the daughter is mad at the father, there's always an ulterior motive.

If you're a little kid in these movies, the best thing to do is go visit grandpa for the weekend...and don't forget to take your cute little puppy too.

Poltergeists aren't ghosts. Get it? Got it? Good.

Area 407



​

Plot: Hey, it's a found footage movie. This one has a bunch of plane crash survivors filming their experiences immediately after. Guess what? Yep, bad shit happens to them.

Comments: Well at least its not "paranormal investigators" this time around, instead we have to deal with a bunch of traumatized people who have just survived a deadly plane crash. However, that's the least of their problems as they soon realize that there's some really nasty monsters chasing them, hungry for blood and human flesh. I thought this movie totally sucked until the monsters started showing up and even though you couldn't really see them (until the very end) they made the movie a whole lot better than it had any right to be. There was also a decent bit of characterization, though I still couldn't care less about most of the "good guys" here. The movie also promises a shocking twist ending. The only shocking part of that is how obvious it was from about 20 minutes in. Still, certainly a decent enough way to spend an hour and a half on a rainy afternoon. 5/10.

A Few Thoughts: Pissing your pants is NOT a good way to throw hungry monsters off your "scent".

If you had a heart attack in the last year, it's probably not a great idea to be scarfing down airplane peanuts and chips.

When someone tells you to stay in the car...STAY IN THE FUCKING CAR~!