Donnie watches WWF 1985

[Leon TrotSky]

Finally we're about to reach Mania 1!

Please don't skip the David Sammartino match this time because it feels unfair to skip PPV matches

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: US Express-2/2/85
WWF Women's Champion: Leilani Kai

WWF WRESTLEMANIA
MARCH 31ST, 1985
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
NEW YORK, NY​

Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse Ventura are our commentators for the evening, and will now be the lead duo for almost every major show going forward for the next 5 years.

Mean Gene sings America the Beautiful.

In the aisle way, Alfred Hayes will be interviewing all the wrestlers.

We go to a pre-tape where Gene is standing by with Tito Santana. He says the Masked Executioner is a big tough man, but he's never been in the big leagues like the WWF. He has goals and no one will be stopping them.

Executioner walks on and cuts a very bad promo about going after Tito's hurt leg.

Match#1 Tito Santana vs Masked Executioner
It's Buddy Rose under a mask in a super weird choice given he's fucking Buddy Rose, but whatever. Really fun 5 minute opener as Tito is on fire and hits everything clean and sick as hell, and Buddy bumps and sells like crazy for him. So it works exactly at it should for a showcase match for the best babyface in the company. Buddy goes after the leg and we get a short but sweet control seg before Tito fires back and runs through him. He cracks him with the Forearm and then locks in the Figure Four to win.
**3/4

In the back, Geno is with SD Jones. He's so happy to be here and he's ready to get down with the music man and fight King Kong Bundy.
-King KongBundy and Hart walk and say there is nothing more fitting than the biggest man being on the biggest show ever. SD is going to be thinking about that 5 count when he hits the Avalanche

Match#2 King Kong Bundy w/Jimmy Hart vs SD Jones
Famously listed as 9 seconds in a classic WWF/E lie. It's actually about 25 seconds of Bundy running through him and killing him with the Avalanche to win in a sick squash.
I NEED A 5 COUNT.

Post match, Fink announces it as 9 seconds, and Gorilla says the previous record was 23 seconds. So, Bundy has broken neither lmao.

Mean Gene-
-Matt Borne is here and he's going to beat a man known worldwide. Steamboat is too nice of a guy, and he's going to beat him up.
-Ricky Steamboat says this is the biggest task of his life, and he's ready. He's going to develop that meanness that Borne says he lacks.

Match#3 Ricky Steamboat vs Matt Borne
Only four minutes in a real bullshit call, but it's the 80's on PPV so i sadly get it. Still, both dudes look amazing with super clean crisp offence and really beat the shit out of each other. Borne gets a short control and hits a sweet belly to belly and really hurts Ricky, but he can't keep him down. Ricky fires back and beats the shit out of him with all his amazing stuff and he wins with the sick flying Crossbody.
**3/4

Mean Gene-
-David Sammartino and his shitty Dad says words, but there's not a fucking chance we're covering that.
-Brutus and Johnny V also says words, but nah.

Match#4 David Sammartino w/Brutus Sammartino vs Brutus Beefcake w/Johnny Valiant
In a shocking moment this is really bad and clunky as fuck as neither man can wrestle, and both seem really lost given they have to fill in 13 minutes without someone here to guide them. They go on the mat and it's not good at all, and then it turns into a bad control seg from Brutus where David sells none of it and looks like a jerk. It breaks down and David falls to the floor where V slams him, so Bruno goes after him and all 4 doofus fight and the ref throws it out and calls a double DQ.
1/2*

"Still to come, the confrontations of all times" -Gorilla.

Mean Gene-
-Greg Valentine & Jimmy Hart. Greg says he will show why he's the best IC champion ever, and the master of the figure four.
-JYD is going to chew on him like a bone.

Match#5 Greg Valentine (c) w/Jimmy Hart vs Junkyard Dog (WWF Intercontiental Championship)
Fine 6 minute Hammer carry job. He bumps for all of JYD's horrible offence to make him look good for once, and then his control seg is good fun. It's the most simplistic Hammer match ever, but given JYD is the worst, it makes all the sense to do it like this. It breaks down as it tends to, and Hammer gets his feet on the ropes to win. Tito comes down to tell the ref what happend so he restarts it, but Hammer walks off and loses via countout in a real lame finish.
*1/2

Post match, Hart holds Hammer back and eventually gets him to leave.

In the back, Sheiky is ready to humble these stupid Americans and take the titles.

In the back, US Express cut another horrible promo where they both say nothing. i hate them so much.

Match#6 US Express (c) w/Lou Albano vs Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff w/Freddie Blassie (WWF Tag Team Championships)
Only 7 minutes in a good choice given Nik can't be trusted. Awesome opening with Sheikly fighting them both and we some killer exchanges as he finally gets to work again. Nik gets in and looks awful on offence and defence, but the Express sell well for him and help him out. Mike is isolated and the control is pretty fun for a couple of minutes with some good selling from him. Barry has a sick hot tag beating the shit out of both of them, and it's a reminder of how good he is and is going to be when he hits his peak. Shit breaks down and Blassie sneaks in the cane and Sheik brains Barry with it and they steal the titles.
**1/2

In the back, Gene is so mad at them. Blassie says he never had a cane and they won the titles fair and square. IRAN NUMBER 1 GENE MEAN.

Match#7 Andre The Giant vs Big John Studd w/Bobby Heenan (Bodyslam Challenge-$15,000 vs Andre's Career)
Woooooo monster fight. They club and beat the crap out of each other, and given the stories of Andre hating Studd, you can really see him laying in everything he smacks him with. He strangles him and shakes his head in a real violent way and it feels like a proper monster movie. Andre then locks in a bearhug and controls him and mostly eats him up, and hey, Studd sucks so fine by me. Andre slams him and wins the cash. WOOOOOOOOO
**

Post match, he throws the money out into the crowd until Heenan steals the money back and runs for it.

In the back, Andre is very happy.

Match#8 Leilani Kai (c) w/Fabulous Moolah vs Wendi Richter w/Cyndi Lauper. (WWF Women's Championship)
Not good at all as Wendi is again very terrible and botches a ton, and Kai can only do so much. Wendi counters a Crossbody into a rollup to win.
1/2*

Post match, the faces celebrate.


Billy Martin comes out to be guest ring announcer for the main event. He brings out guest timekeeper Liberace, who does the classic dance with the Rockettes. Martin then introduces guest outside referee, Muhammad Ali.

Piper comes out to a bagpipe band in a wonderful intro. Pure scum but also the coolest man in the world.

Match#9 Hulk Hogan & Mr T w/Jimmy Snuka vs Roddy Piper & Paul Orndorff w/Bob Orton
Pat Patterson is the referee as to make sure T doesn't die for real at the hands of Piper. They start first and it's awesome as shit as they go to the mat and T holds his own and makes Piper freak at as a result. MR T GETS HIM IN THE FIREMAN'S CARRY AND DROPS HIM LIKE A SACK OF SHIT. IT BREAKS DOWN AND A MASSIVE BRAWL HAPPENS AND IT'S COOL AS HELL. ALI GETS IN THE RING AND THROWS A PUNCH AT PIPER AND GETS ACE TO BACK OFF. The faces stay in control and shitcan them in awesome fashion and Piper bumps his ass for them over and over and each one is cooler than the last. He finally nails Hogan with a loaded fist and hits him with a chair to isolate him, and the control is fun as hell. Hogan sells his ass off and dies for Wonderful on all his big power spots. T gets the tag but he's isolated right away and the heels beat his ass. Hogan gets the tag and all hell breaks loose as the seconds get involved. Wonderful holds Hogan for Ace to come off the top with his cast, but Hogan moves and Ace knocks Wonderful out cold and Hogan makes the pin.
***

An absolute blast.

Post match, Piper decks Patterson. He leaves Wonderful dead on the mat and leaves with Orton. OH SHIT.

Back in the ring, Hogan and T helps Wonderful to his feet and he freaks out and gets out of there confused and hurt.

In the back, the faces cut a promo about how happy they are about winning in the combat zone. Hogan is turned on, brother.

Pretty fun show, but not sure if we'll ever get another WrestleMania again. Fingers crossed, though.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

Finally we're about to reach Mania 1!

Please don't skip the David Sammartino match this time because it feels unfair to skip PPV matches

I'll never skip a PPV match or SNME/Clash type show.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF Championship Wrestling
April 6th, 1985
Poughkeepsie, NY

Match#1 The British Bulldogs vs AJ Pertruzi & Matt Borne
Fuck Yeah. Borne looks awesome fighting DK as he kicks his ass until he gets caught and has the shit kicked out of him in return. Davey has the fun arm work in between power stuff, and it's a really good showing for him. Ode to the Bulldogs does it.
**

WWF Update-
-Mean Gene goes over the ending of the tag match at Mania and Wonderful being left behind by Piper and Orton. He says Orndorff was heard backstage saying he has realised he has no friends at all. OH SHIT

BUY THE WWF MAGAZINE TO SEE DON MURACO ON THE BEACH.

Match#2 Don Muraco w/Mr Fuji vs Billy Mack
Another sick squash for our beach bum hero. He beats the fuck out of him with killer power moves and wins with the Spike Tombstone.
**

Mean Gene-
-Gene recaps the title changes at Mania.
-Tito walks on and says his ojective is still the IC title now that Valentine still has it. His actions don't surprise him anymore because he knows how to win without ever needing to get a pin. He always gets help from the outside, and he's not finished with him. He wants to take him back to Mexico and beat him on the streets but beating him in the ring for the title is going to be much sweeter.

Match#3 The Dream Team vs Aldo Marino & Jose Luis Rivera
Brutus & Hammer have formed a dream team to add to WWF finally doing something worthwhile with the worst division they have. Brutus is far better in a team where Hammer can fuck everyone up and he just needs to throw in some shots every once and a while. Plus, it means no more singles squashes for the most part which is a blessing. Vince spends the match talking about how good Brutus's body looks, and yeah gross as fuck. Beefcake wins with the knee.
**

Mean Gene-
-Don Muraco is here. He says Gene should be thanking him for getting him some pretty girls, and Gene starts laughing. He says since they're close, he wants to talk about disease and darkness, and says everyone in the WWF wants to avoid him and wants to avoid the darkness. He says untreated, the disease runs wild, and he has to cure the disease. Cocaine is bad.

Match#4 Ricky Steamboat vs Jim Hailey
Ricky runs through a big boy jobber with his wonderful offence, and it's such fun to watch him do his thing. Flying Crossbody does the job.
**

We go a pre-tape with Piper, Ace and Studd sitting in the locker room after Mania. Studd says he wasn't slammed and Andre is a damned thief and liar. He's not done with him and he's going to pay. Piper says Andre is a big goof trying to buy friends, and he's got none. Studd says Andre should be retired and back on a boat to France. HE WAS NEVER SLAMMED.

We get footage of the end of the tag title match.

Match#5 Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog vs Rusty Brooks & Bob Wade
Fuck you, stop sticking Tito with this jackass. Far too much JYD bringing this down and not enough Tito. Figure Four ends it.
1/2*

Post match, JYD takes an old woman out of the crowd and dances with her as Vince shouts "GET DOWN WITH GRANDMA"

Mean Gene-
Heenan, Hart and Johnny V are all standing by. V praises them both being great at what they do. Heenan and Hart do the same and call out Albano as a traitor to the cause, and they swear revenge on him.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF All-Star Wrestling
April 6th, 1985
Hamilton, Ontario

Match#1 Don Muraco vs Rick McGraw
Fuji is not here tonight, and Jesse thinks it's because he's not needed for someone like McGraw. Rick goes nuts on Don with takedowns and mat work and beats his ass, and makes Jesse look like a fool. He stays on him and really dominates, but Don counters a suplex into a backdrop and lands on top and gets the 3 in a super odd thing.
*3/4

They replay the update on Wonderful.

Match#2 Tony Atlas & George Wells vs Frank Marconi & Gino Carbello
4 horrid minutes is given to these two idiots, and i hate everything. They have no idea how to fill in space so they do headlocks and shoulderblocks, and it's the worst kind of squash. Jesse makes me laugh when he shouts "CANADIAN STYLE SHOULDERBLOCK" when Wells hits one, and it's such a funny little insane moment. Press slam ends it.
Poop

Match#3 King Kong Bundy w/Jimmy Hart vs Ron Hutchison
Fat man clubbing and clobbering for two minutes. Avalanche and the 5 count does it.
*3/4

They replay the Piper/Studd interview. Best thing about ASW is the replays make it a 25 minute show.

Match#4 British Bulldogs vs Matt Borne & Mr X
Bulldogs do their thing again with Borne and it rocks a ton. Sick mat work and power stuff, and the Dogs have taken the best team spot in the WWF for now. DK really lays in his shots and fucks them up, and it's soooo cool. They murder X with the fucking Doomsday Device of all things.
**

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF Championship Wrestling
April 13th, 1985
Poughkeepsie, NY

Match#1 Greg Valentine w/Jimmy Hart vs Doc Bulter
Good Hammer outing as always. A shame he didn't shoot Doc and laugh at his corpse, but maybe next time. Figure Four ends it.
*3/4

WWF Update-
-Hillbilly Jim's leg is broken and he's out for the next 4 months.

Match#2 David Sa...NO

Mean Gene-
-The British Bulldogs walk on and formally introduce themselves as British cousins who love to fight and wrestle, and maybe even light a homeless person on fire if it comes to it.

Match#2 King Kong Bundy w/Jimmy Hart vs Aldo Marino
Another fun fat man squash from our new fatty hero. Avalanche and a 5 count claims another man.
*34

Mean Gene-
-Ricky Steamboat. He says the WWF is the best scene in the world and it's all over the place with how big it has became. He says people have called him washed up and finished, but he's in the best shape of his life and his pride is going to make this is the best comeback of his life. He talks about the team with Snuka, but it thankfully never gets off the ground, so nevermind that.

Match#4 Ricky Steamboat vs Rusty Brookes
Ricky armdrags this huge fucker in an insane display of strength. He keeps it up and wins with a sick Superfly Splash.
**

In the back, Piper and Ace are standing by. Piper says they've never lost in anything in their lives, and that's why they accepted the match, but he didn't know that his chosen partner didn't have the guts to get it done. He says Mr. T was shaking like a mother elephant who just had a baby giraffe and Orton says if Paul would have just had the strength to hold on to Hogan or the intellect to cover Mr. T, he would have won, and Paul has a great body, but he's stupid. Piper says Mr. Wonderful is done riding on their reputations, same with Mr. T and Hogan, and says nobody wants to fight him.

They replay the ending of the women's title match.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF All-Star Wrestling
April 13th, 1985
Hamilton, Ontario

Match#1 Junkyard Dog vs Gino Carbello
THUMP COKE

Replay of WWF update.

Match#2 Don Muraco vs Yvone Laverduex
Don murders a Frenchmen in another wonderful squash for our cokehead. Spike Tombstone does it again.
**

They replay Ricky's interview.

Match#3 Bret Hart vs Ron Hutchison
Bret now has the black and pink getup and it's an all time perfect look. Bret is coming into his own with great strikes and headbutts and it's all coming together at a rapid rate. Bret wins with an Elbow off Bret's Rope.
*3/4

THE BODY SHOP MAKES IT DEBUT. FUCK YEAH. He brings on the entire Heenan Family and sings their praises. Bobby says Andre is doing nothing because he's not a real giant like he has. There is only one brain and that's him. Studd says he can't be slammed, and Andre stole his money. Ken says they'll never lose with such a great trio.

They replay the ending of the tag title match.

Match#4 Ricky Steamboat & Tito Santana vs Moondog Spot s & Rene Goulet
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. Insane fire and offence from them as you'd expect, and they make for the best team squash for a random duo ever. Orton walks down and watches on, and i hope he's going to feud with Ricky. There's a million cool spots and moments, and i wish they were champions. Tito murders Rene with the Forearm and then Ricky follows up with the Splash to win it.
**3/4

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF Championship Wrestling
April 20th, 1985
Poughkeepsie, NY

Match#1 The British Bulldogs vs Steve Lombardi & Barry O
Another killer one for the fellas. O is a shit jobber, but Lombardi takes a great beating for the Dogs to make up for it. Ode does it.
**

WWF Update-
-King Kong Bundy is destroying the competition and everyone is on notice.

Match#2 Brutus Beefcake w/Jonnhy Valiant vs Ron Dee
Bad stuff from Brutus as he works a bad lazy power squash and it's terrible. Knee does it.
1/2*

Mean Gene-
-Orton has the cast and says it's a protective device to keep him safe. He says he would never stoop so low to hit a man upside the head with it. He's climbing to the top with Piper by his side. Money changes everything and Piper and he are after the money and take the winner's share of the purse. That's the name of the game. He says it's not his fault, it's Wonderful who's crying over it.

Match#3 Hart Foundation w/Jimmy Hart vs Mario Mancini & SD Jones.
AHHHHHHHHHH FUCK YES. THEY'RE FINALLY HERE AND LIFE GETS A HELL OF A LOT BETTER. Anvil does sick crazy man power moves, and Bret uses his new found skills to beat the fuck out them as well. Just a perfect debut squash. Hart Attack makes it debut to get it done.
**3/4

Match#4 Don Muraco vs Sal Gee
Don does it again as he seemingly can't miss in a squash. Spike Tombstone does another one.
**

Piper's Pit in the locker room with Jesse Ventura. Piper says he's here because he was at ringside watching them beat the hell out of Hogan and T. Jesse says he's never seen more incompetent referees than Patterson and Ali. That washed up boxer was a fool who had no business being there. Piper says he doesn't blame him for changing his name all the time. T was struggling to breath and it's time for him to go back to Chicago or else. Piper says if they had Jesse as a partner instead of the idiot who lifts dumbbells with his teeth, Mr Blonderful, they would have won. Jesse says he's happy to help him any time and he worse earrings before T ever made it cool.

In a pre-tape, Hillbilly Jim thanks the fans for the letters and cards.

Match#5 Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog vs Mr X & R.T Reynolds
Really bad again as JYD does the bulk of the work and it's awful. Thump does it.
THUMP FUCK

 

[BigVanDonnie]

Ricky Steamboat & Tito Santana vs The Dream Team w/Jimmy Hart (21/4/85)
HOLY FUCK. Brutus is the weakest link by a mile. but the other 3 are wrestling soulmates and make it work perfectly. The babyfaces are in powder blue tights just to further remind us how cool they are. Sick opening flurry with them bouncing the boys around the ring and it's so, so cool. Tito fights Hammer again and it's the best, and now Ricky is added to the mix and that's a killer matchup as well. Greg kicks Tito in the dick to take over, and it turns into another control seg full of the meanest stuff possible from Hammer, and some fine stuff from Brutus. Hammer knocks Ricky off the apron onto the concrete in a nasty bump, and then goes back to kicking the shit out of Tito like he couldn't help himself. Ricky has a tremendous hot tag as he goes insane on them and pinballs them all over, but Brutus rakes his eyes to isolate him. Great short control seg on Ricky from Hammer, and i can't wait for some singles matches. Tito has an even better hot tag than Ricky as he fucks them up as only he can. It all breaks down as it tends to, AND TITO COUNTERS AN ATOMIC DROP BY GRABBING HAMMER'S LEG AND HE TURNS IT INTO THE FIGURE FOUR AND GREG TAPS OUT. HOLY SHIT.
***1/2

Hulk Hogan (c) vs Paul Orndorff (WWF World Championship)
Hogan is a prick as he attacks poor Wonderful from behind and beats the shit out of like a coward. Paul's a dick, but he doesn't deserve it for the most part. Hogan keeps it up with eye rakes and back scratches and it's a classic shithead Hogan attack. They have a fine back and forth and Hogan rolls through a crossbody to win.
**'

POST MATCH WONDERFUL OFFERS HIS HAND AND HOGAN ISN'T SURE WHAT TO DO, BUT AFTER A MOMENT HE SHAKES PAUL'S HAND, HELL YEAH BROTHER

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF Championship Wrestling
April 27th, 1985
Poughkeepsie, NY

Match#1 Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog vs Mr X & Charlie Fulton
Stop this right now. Much better this week as Tito does the work and kills it to cover for this fuckface. Figure Four ends it
*3/4

WWF Update-
-Ricky Steamboat is a very talented pro wrestler with a very bright future provided his family doesn't ruin everything.

Match#2 Brutus Beefcake w/Johnny Valiant vs Jim Young
Another fine Brutus squash. He's ok throwing strikes and doing power stuff, and the jobber is a good little punching bag for all of it. High knee ends it.
*1/2

Mean Gene-
-Gene promotes an upcoming Boston show where Hogan will be teaming with Snuka vs Orton and Piper.
-This will be the first taped Boston show in the best news ever.
-Hogan walks on and says he made this happen because he knew Orton would get involved anyway, so he demanded this happen to end the war for once and all. Snuka's soul is on fire and they're going to light them up, brother jack dude.

Match#3 US Express w/Lou Albano vs Spot & Bobby Wade
Damn, the Express fell off after Mania and it sucks to see because they do good work 99% of the time. Good squash of this random team that would have rocked more if it was the Dogs proper. Barry beats the shit out of them with a series of amazing strikes and fucks them up all by himself. Running bulldog does it.
**

Mean Gene-
-More Boston hype.
-Tito Santana walks on and says he blames Beefcake for costing him the IC title last time in Boston. so he's going to get revenge on him. The war between him and Valentine is far from over, brother.

Match#4 Don Muraco w/Mr Fuji vs Salvatore Bellomo
Hell yeah, another wonderful one for Don. He throws Sal over the place and does some cool Karate kicks to show the influence of Fuji. DON CATCHES AN ATTEMPTED CROSSBODY AND MURDERS SAL WITH THE SPIKE TOMBSTONE. FUCKING GOD YES
**1/2

Piper's Pit with Bobby Heenan. Bobby says his career has been making men and taking them to the top wherever he's gone. Never has he has he been through something like this, HE WAS FIRED BY PAUL ORDNORFF. PIPER SAYS HE'S A COWARD AND NOT WORTH GETTING EXCITED OVER, AND BOBBY SAYS HE'S HURT HIS REPUTATION AND HE PAY FOR THIS ALONG WITH ALL THE HUMANOIDS.

Match#4 Davi....fuck you

Match#5 George Steele, Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff vs Ron Dee, Jose Luis Rivera & Tony Garea
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Horrible, horrible stuff and i wish my eyes were gone after this. Steele wins with his bad Hammerlock.
POOP

Mean Gene-
-Piper & Orton. Piper says he's going to beat up the entire city of Boston because none of them are man enough to fight him. They have no clue how they could be so confident and brave to take this fight, but that's how he was born. He says when it gets too brutal and they beat them to death, whose going to run in and stop it. STOP TALKING GENE MAN, YOU AREN'T GETTING IN THE RING RISKING YOUR LIFE, THAT'S US MAN. THIS IS THE FIGHT FOR LIFE AND DEATH

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF All-Star Wrestling
April 27th, 1985
Hamilton, Ontario

Match#1 Tito Santana vs Frank Marconi
Tito is finally back in singles action and it rocks so damn much. Crisp, smooth and mean as hell for a few minutes. Everything you could want from a squash. Running Forearm and the Figure four ends the match.
**

Replay of the update.

Match#2 Don Muraco vs Donald Cryer
Big Don makes this turd cry a ton as he beats him to a dust and them some. Don works the arm and neck and it's killer, and the jobber does a good job of selling it which is cool. Spike Tombstone does the job.
**

Match#3 Ricky Steamboat vs Gino Carbello
Fuck yeah, what a lineup of squashes. Ricky kills it again and puts one a wonderful squash. Ricky hits a gross Superplex to win, and Jesse shouts that he just hit Bob Orton's finish.
**

Mean Gene
-US Express are back and still can't talk. They were robbed of the titles at WrestleMania, so now they're ready for anything that might get thrown at them. I hate you.

Match#4 Hart Foundation w/Jimmy Hart vs Nick DeCarlo & Joe Doin
Ahhhhhhh, what a goddamn epic episode. Anvil is again the power crazy man throwing dudes around, while Bret is insanely crisp and smooth with his strikes and his work on the mat. Hart Attack does it.
**

Post match, they kick the shit out of them some more.

Body Shop with King Kong Bundy & Jimmy Hart. Jimmy says he's putting an army together to take over the WWF. Jesse is impressed by Bundy's back and makes him pose. Bundy says he wins via a 5 count so they can know they've been beaten and they can't whimper and complain when he leaves you laying.

Match#4 Ken Patera & Big John Studd w/Bobby Heenan vs Brian Macanee & Paul Roma
Fine squash for the Family. Highlight is Studd stuffing the shit out of Roma and Ken laying in shots as well, because fuck Paul Roma. Ken wins with a stalling Suplex
*3/4

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF Championship Wrestling
May 4th, 1985
Poughkeepsie, NY

Jesse Ventura is replacing Sammartino for the night.

Match#1 Ricky Steamboat vs Dave Barbie
Another great one for Dick Blood. Dude is just amazing and can't miss at this point. Flying Crossbody does it.
**

-WWF Update-
-Greg Valentine is reigning supreme as the IC champion.

Match#2 King Kong Bundy w/Jimmy Hart vs Mario Mancini
Bundy throws awesome body shots and really fucks up poor Mario. Jesse again gushes over the size of Bundy's back because fuck yeah back's. Avalanche and a big splash do it.
**

Freddie Miller-
-Ace & Piper. Ace says he's sick of hearing Snuka crying about getting a little coconut broken over his head. He ain't crying about his broken arm now is he. Piper says Snuka is here to protect Hogan from taking a beating he deserves. He picked someone dumb he can push in front of himself so he'll walk away from this.

Before his match, Heenan comes out behind Wonderful and when Fink announces him as the manager, Wonderful grabs the mic and fires him again. FUCK YEAH.

Match#3 Paul Orndoff vs Charlie Fulton
Wonderful beats the shit out of this droog to warm my heart, all while Heenan refuses to leave and stands there shaking and seething in anger. Wonderful wins with a gross Piledriver.
**

Post match, Heenan storms off while shouting that no one fires him.

Freddie Miller-
-Greg Valentine will be facing JYD for the title in Boston. He says JYD attacked him and his manger at WrestelMania and ruined rock and roll, so he needs to pay for what he did. He's a nasty black person that he's going to slap around the ring and show him who he is really is. He's going to slap him down until he goes back to the junkyard, of shining shoes or whatever he did before this. FUCKING CHRIST.

Match#4 Hart Foundation w/Jimmy Hart vs Jimmy London & Jim Powers.
That's a lot of fucking Jimmy's, dudes. Another sick as hell squash with both men doing what they're best at, and it's a killer combo of a thing to behold. Bret really gets violent when he hurls one of them into the rail and walks off like he couldn't give a single shit about his life. Hart Attack does another one.
**

Piper's Pit with US Express. Piper says he's got a couple of losers here like the fans, so they should feel right at home. He gives them toilet paper so they can cry if they want to, unlike him who has never lost anything. Mike says the only belt Piper has is holding up his skirt, and Piper gets mad but calms down and asks them to be cool. He says he's not a former champion as he's never lost a title. Barry calls him a hasbeen nothing, which makes no fucking sense, you doofus. Piper kicks them off the set.

Match#5 Don Muraco w/Mr Fuji vs Joe Mirto
Don's hot streak continues with another killer beating. He does the neck and arm work again and he's so brutal and mean at it and it's the best stuff. Spike Tombstone does the job.
**

Match#6 British Bulldogs vs Rusty Brookes & AJ Pertruzi
They get 5 minutes this week to show off and really put on a killer display of them at their best. They win with a rocket launcher headbutt.
**

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF All-Star Wrestling
May 4th, 1985
Hamilton, Ontario

Match#1 Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog vs Matt Borne & Gino Carbello
JYD does the bulk of the work so it's very shit despite Borne doing his best to bump for him. THUMP ends it
THUMP CUNT

Match#2 Don Muraco w/Mr Fuji vs Mike Londons
Holy shit, Don gets another squash this week and it's the best. WWF wants him to win WOTY for this review, and i respect it a lot. Tombstone gets it done.
**

Match#3 Ricky Steamboat vs Mr X
Dragon burns another bum for a couple of minutes, and i can't wait for his proper feud. Crossbody does it.
*3/4

Freddie Miller-
-Don Muraco & Mr Fuji. Fuji says George Wells will be Don's new pet for the night as he needs to play with someone. Muarco says he's going to kick the stuffing out of him and then stuff him back together. He's going to rub his head and then stick him on the line at Fuji's house. Wells was good before he got involved with him, now he's nothing.

Match#4 Bob Orton vs Paul Roma.
Bob batters rat boy in a super fun squash. Superplex ends it
*3/4

Body Shop with Sheiky and Nicky. Jess says they don't have to yell or scream, they're the best team in the world and he respects them. Sheiky says Jesse Body knows what skill and body looks like as he smart man. Fair enough.

Match#5 US Express vs Spot & Bobby Wade
Same good showcase for the Springsteen boys. Airplane spin does it.
*

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF Championship Wrestling
May 11th, 1985
Poughkeepsie, NY

Match#1 US Express vs Barry O & Jim Hailey
Same shit as always. Really just over it tbh. Airplane spin does it.
12*

WWF Update-
-Bulldogs are awesome and not in any drug fiend mentalcases.

Match#2 Ken Patera w/Bobby Heenan vs Joe Back
Decent Ken showcase with some power stuff and the like. He wins with a running elbow
*

Mean Gene-
-Tito Santana wishes his mum and all the mum's a happy mothers day. He will be facing Fruitcake and he reminds him of Gomer Pyle and he can't help but laugh at him. He's a good wrestler with some strength, but he won't let his fans in Boston down.

Match#3 Jesse Ventura vs Aldo Marino
FUCK OFF

Post match, Jesse yells at Bruno and dares him to get in fight, but Bruno refuses. I can't imagine a worse matchup in the WWF, and i really need to see if Vince has the guts to actually do it.

Mean Gene-
-JYD is insane as he legit talks about mouses in the house trying to stop him and his pals from winning in Boston. He says he might bite Johnny V if he tries anything, and he has Tito's back and he's his assistant in charge.

Match#4 Dream Team vs Paul Roma & SD Jones
Good showcase for the team of dreams. Hammer again carries the load and only lets Brutus do decent power stuff, and it's the best way for these showcases to go. Figure Four ends it after Brutus' knee.
*3/4

Piper's Pit with Ricky Steamboat. Piper is confused as to why anyone thinks Ricky is a heartthrob, when he's even more handsome than he is. He's won lots of matches and does nothing wrong, but he's actually a cheater using his kung-fu to beat people up and he ain't fooling him. Ricky calls him "Rodney" and Piper says his real name is Roderick and it means conquer. Steamboat is trying to make him angry and thinks he can use his kung fu. Ricky takes his shirt off to fight him, but the segment ends before we see what happened.

Match#5 Mad Maxine w/ Fabulous Moolah vs Desire Peterson
Maxine is 6ft4 and is one of the poor women abused by Moolah, and it makes me really fucking mad. She's not really good at all as she throws weak shots and looks really out of place in there, but i can't hate when we know what she's been through via the cunt. She was meant to be in Hogan's WWF cartoon, but Moolah never told her and she missed out on a bag. Just a sad shitty story. I hope someone pisses on Moolah's grave. Maxine wins with a really bad suplex.
1/2*

Match#6 Tito Santana, Junkyard Dog & Pedro Morales vs Doc Butler, Mike Powers & Johnny Rodz
Oh Christ. Tito can't save it when he's teaming with such dire horrible human's. Pedro wins with his shitty Boston Crab
Fuck you.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF SATURDAY'S NIGHT MAIN EVENT
MAY 11TH, 1985
UNIONDALE, NEW YORK

Our first SNME show and it's a massive thing with WWF's insane growth and power at this point in time as it airs on NBC and gets a fucking 8.8 in the ratings. Based on the strength of that we get these specials until 92 along with others. Anyway, let's watch it and see how it goes.

Opening promos-
-Cyndi tells Wendi to grab Moolah's hair and beat her up.
-Hogan will have Mr T in his corner tonight against Orton to keep an eye on Piper.

Vince and Jesse are on the call. One of the coolest and most underrated duos ever.

In the aisle way, the team of the Express and Steamboat cut some terrible fucking promos as a reminder they should be shot before ever letting them speak live at this point.

Match#1 US Express & Ricky Steamboat vs Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff & George Steele
Both mangers are here as well, but it's too many names to write tbh. Super fun 6 minutes with the babyfaces being all fired up and going nuts in the biggest night of their lives, and Sheiky bumps like crazy for them because he's the best. The other two heels sandbag the faces and look like complete shit, so fuck them even more than normal. They work heel in peril with Nicky, and it's a bad choice given how much he stinks, but they mostly make it work. Steele gets in and has his ass kicked, and the champs drop off the apron when he tries to tag out and it lets Barry roll him up for 3.
**1/2

Post match, Steele eats a turnbuckle out of anger, so his partners attack him for being a giant loser. He fights back and chases them off, and Lou Albano gets in and calms him down as he used to mange him and Steele trusts him. Lou hugs him and they leave together.

In the aisle, Gene meets the champs and Blassie. Blassie says he's a crazy fruitcake who didn't tag when he was meant to, and Steele runs over and attacks them before he runs back off. Gross.

We go back to the ring for a special Piper's Pit with Paul Orndorff, The tension is bad between them all, but Piper calms it down and asks him to sit. Wonderful demands Ace stand in the corner or make his day, and Piper tries his best to keep to civil. He mocks Wonderful and asks if he's happy now, so Wonderful tells him ladies sit first. They sit but Piper calls him a loser and they go nose to nose and Piper keeps screaming. It calms down and Piper says it wasn't his shoulders on the mat at Mania, so Wonderful asks where he was when it was all over. He left him there flat, so Piper says he was too busy fighting people. Wonderful lost his guts and let him down, so Wonderful says he's been drinking too much of his bathwater, Piper calls him garbage and says he would slap him. He embarrassed him and his family, AND WONDERFUL GETS IN HIS FACE. PIPER TEASES LEAVING BUT HE HITS WONDERFUL AND THEY HAVE A SICK FIGHT. HE GETS PIPER IN THE PILEDRIVER BUT ACE KILLS HIM WITH THE CAST TO KNOCK HIM TO THE FLOOR. MR T RUNS DOWN AND SAVES WONDERFUL AND GETS HIM OUT OF HARMS WAY. Amazing stuff.

In the aisle, Gene is with Hogan. Hulk says it's typical of dudes like them who need to be kicked out of the WWF. He's doing this for all the mothers out there and he's going to bust Orton up tonight. Wonderful finally saw what it's like to have people care about him, and he hopes he keeps it up. WHATCAH GUNNA DO WHEN THE HULKSTER RUNS WILD ON YOU, DADDY??

Match#2 Hulk Hogan (c) w/Mr T vs Bob Orton w/Roddy Piper (WWF World Championship)
Fun 7 minute fight between two dudes who fucking hate each other. Hogan pinballs him all over and makes him the fool, and Orton's bumping and stooging rules so much. Hogan attacks the arm like a bastard, and poor Bob is in a ton of pain. Orton catches him with a sick knee to the face to take over, and his control is pretty mean and fun. Loads of punches and knees, and Hogan has his classic selling for it. Hogan hulks up and wreaks Bob's day as you'd expect. Hogan hits the Legdrop, but Piper attacks for the DQ
**3/4

Post match, the heels beat the shit out of T and go after Hogan, BUT MR WONDERFUL MAKES THE SAVE AND STANDS BY HOGAN AND THEY CHASE OFF THE HEELS. HELL YEAH.

In the aisle, the cunt says words.

Match#3 Wendi Richter (c) vs Fabulous Moolah (WWF Women's Championship)
Short and horrrrrrrrrrible. I promised i would never skip, but goddamn this is a test. Wendi wins with a powerslam.
Poop

In the aisle, JYD introduces his mum to the world.

Match#4 Junkyard Dog w/Junkyard Mum vs Pete Doherty
No idea why this is the main event of the world title, and it's insane that Hogan allowed it to happen. Really bad and short squash from JYD. The highlight is his mum chilling at ringside. THUMP does it.
THUMP COKE

Post match, JYD dances with his mum in a really amazing moment.

To close the show, one of the best segments ever