Donnie watches TNA 2007

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-22/10/06

TNA IMPACT
March 8th, 2007
Impact Zone

We open with Joe and Kurt in the ring in full gear as Joe is now following Kurt's insane behaviour as the downfall continues. Kurt says DX feels like an entirety away but at DX, Steiner's ass is his. He's got respect for Joe and face him head on unlike Cage, and they're on the same page. Wait, you broke his girlfriends ankle like 6 weeks ago, you deranged bastard. He's going to be Joe's biggest fan this Sunday when he kicks Cage's ass and takes the title, they can solve their issues. He asks Steiner and Cage to come out and settle this right now, and hey, Christian's music hits as he comes out with the crew. Cage says they're a family, a machine, a unit, THEY'RE THE CHRISTIAN COALITION! YESSSSSS. He challenges them a six man so they can beat their ass, so they better find someone dumb enough to help them. Kurt gets the mic and says he's got someone crazy in mind, and he's going to have to wait to find out.

Match#1 Lance Hoyt & Voodoo Kin Mafia vs Serotonin
Mike announces that Raven has changed their names to fit his new plans. Kazarian to Kaz, Maverick Matt to Martyr, and Johnny Devine to Havok. Ewwwwwww, man. Speaking of eww, this is very awful as the faces are different levels of bad or lazy, and the heels are also boring and dull and dead in the water. So, yeah an absolute genius move to run this, Russo. Hoyt beats Havok with a horrible looking F5 now dubbed the Texas Tornado.
1/3*

Post match, Raven comes out and beats them all with a cane for being losers. Kaz now gets in his face and yells at him, but Raven demands his get back down, and he does just that. He hits him with the cane a few times. Oh dear, looks like Kaz's push is upon us.

JB-
-Christian is very upset and asks who told them to get a partner, and Tomko deadpans that it was him. Cage is very mad and asks Steiner who it is, and Steiner says he doesn't look like Quasimodo and he doesn't care who it is as he wants Angle. Christian tries to correct him, but backs off as he might die. He says it's Abyss as they're trying to WORK them like they WORK them all the time. Steiner walks off, and Tomko refuses to go with Cage until he gives him a shot. Cage makes JB go with him.

AJ hype video.


Mike Tenay, JB. SoCal Val, and Leticia are in the ring with a plaque and they introduce an new member of the TNA family in some capacity in the office without naming any actual position, Hector Guerrero! He says God has given him an opportunity to be in the Guerrero family and looks up and says dad and Eddie have inspired him so much, and he'll do what he knows they would have wanted. Abyss comes out before the presentation of the plaque, and Hector gets ready to fight, but Abyss instead hits Val with the Black Hole Slam. HELL YEAH KILL EVERYONE.

Samoa Joe/Cage hype video.

In Cornette's office, Backlund, Storm, Jackie and Sabin are all yelling and screaming as Jim gets more and more grumpy about it. He calls them an island of misfits toys. He makes Storm/Jackie vs Petey/Gail in a Double Bullrope Match for DX. He makes Sabin vs Lynn a 2/3 falls match. He then turns to Bob and makes Ki/Starr a Crossface Chickenwing match. Christy Hemme shows up and asks for a tag match with VKM vs her new team. Jim sadly makes the match before kicking her out.

Before the next match, Lethal does the impression again.

Match#2 James Storm. Robert Roode & Eric Young w/Ms Brooks & Jackie Moore vs Petey Williams, Sonjay Dutt & Jay Lethal
Roode jumps Jay for it and beats him up, and then makes EY fight him. EY won't do it and instead shakes Jay's hand, so Roode slaps him and makes him leave the ring. Beer Money work together and beat Petey down, and Roode breaks out a sick Twisting Uranage on him. He again shows a ton of potential in control with hard shots and good crowd work, and it sucks it takes as long as it does for it to happen. Sonjay has a fun hot tag for a minute or so before the nonsense hits. Everyone fights, and Gail attacks Jackie on the floor. Storm slips in a superkick on Dutt to steal the win.
*3/4

In the back, Cage slowly walks over to Abyss and calls him big fella and says he comes here in peace. HE ASKS IF THAT'S A PHOTO OF MITCHELL, AND SAYS HE KNOWS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LOSE A FATHER. WELL, NOT REALLY BUT HE HEARD ITS NOT THAT GOOD. AMAZING. Cage says he can trust him as he knew the secret all along and never told anyone, but Sting told everyone about it. Hey, that's true. Anyway, he says Joe and Kurt are just like Sting and treat him like meat, but he sees him as someone. If he's looking for family, he can maybe help him. He says he bought him a peace offering, AND HE SHOVES JB INTO ABYSS'S FACE, AND THE MONSTER KILLS HIM. HAHAHAHAHA THIS RULES SO MUCH.

Recap of LAX attacking Bubba.

We go to D-Von saying they're challenging them to a Ghetto Street fight where no one can stop them from killing them.

Tenay runs down the DX card, and announces it will be Sting vs Abyss in a Last Rites Match. I'm sure that will be a very good match that makes the fans happy and doesn't result in anything infamous being chanted, and something that leads to TNA's darkest era.

The partner is revealed as Rhino. Oh, come on why even bother teasing something cool when it's just a piece of clay that i assume lives in the Zone and bothers all the wrestlers until they pick him.

Match#3 Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe & Rhino vs The Christian Coalition
Good opening as always as everyone is full of fire and giving it their best, and it's enough to work. Tomko takes Kurt's head off with a nasty lariat as he's getting better and better at this. AJ runs down and fights Rhino, but he gets his ass kicked and climbs up the X as Rhino follows him up. We come back with Rhino being isolated, and we see the heels basically waited for Rhino to come down so they could jump him. LOLTNA. Not much of a control seg as it's maybe a minute or so, sadly. Kurt tags in and suplexes everyone as it's his thing. Everything breaks down and Joe lays Cage out with the Buster to show he can do it. Steiner fights Kurt and lays him out with a suplex, but Kurt no sells it and drops him and locks in the Angle Lock, but Abyss attacks for the DQ.
3/4*

Post match, Kurt and Abyss fight, and the big man hits the BHS. Sting now shows up on the stage like an asshole and teleports all over the place and shows up in the ring and beats Abyss up to close a horrible show.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-22/10/06

TNA DESTINATION X
MARCH 11TH, 2007
THE IMPACT ZONE

LAX make their way out and stare down Hector at the Spanish Announce Table.

Match#1 LAX w/Konnan vs Team 3D (Ghetto Brawl)
Not a fan of two non title PPV matches in a row, but given it means 3D haven't won and tainted the division yet, it's not the worst thing in the world. They break out all the classic plunda to start and we get all the amazing CTE pre Benoit shots to the brain as possible. LAX move ahead with cool double teams like an assisted Hot Shot on the ropes to crush Bubba's shitty head, and the big man hits his perfect dive to D-Von on the outside. LAX get more and more violent as DW loses his mind over it, and even more so when they brawl into the Zone. BUBBA BACKDROPS POOR HOMICIDE ONTO THE STEPS AND HE FALLS DOWN A FEW MORE TO MAKE IT WORSE. They throw each other into walls and smack brains with chair shots, and it's good fun as always. They fight back as 3D mount a comeback with a ton of fire and care, and our heroes die for them in return. 3D open some beers and call for the tables, but a bunch of masked goons attack them. Johnny Rodz runs down to make the save and beats them all up. Ci breaks a board over his face to stop him, and LAX beat him bloody. More goons run down for 3D's side and fight the others away. The match resumes as 3D hit said 3D, but a goon pulls the ref out, AND BUBBA HITS A FUCKING DIVE ONTO THEM. WHAT THE HELL. ALEX SHELLEY NOW COMES DOWN AND DISTRACTS D-VON AS CI KICKS HIM IN THE BALLS, AND ALEX HITS HIM WITHT THE CAMERA IN THE FACE AND HITS A FROG SPLASH THROUGH A TABLE, AND CI MAKES THE PIN.
**3/4

JB-
-He plugs a txt line where you can vote for who you think will win the main event.
-Rhino walks on and says he's actually afraid for once, but he's going to calm himself down and think about how to win as gravity plays no favourites.

DW and Mike run down the card, and say the Last Rites Match will have a deathbed the wrestlers will call for, and then you have to put the other on it so it can be raised to the roof where they'll be reborn. OH NO

Match#2 James Storm & Miss Jackie Moore vs Petey Williams & Gail Kim (Double-Bullrope Match)
Big wild fight to start as the faces finally exact some revenge on them with nasty loud rope shots, and some massive bumps for it. Gail rakes Storm's eyes and shoves him onto a chair and rolls him into a lariat!! She then chops the hell out of Jackie as she ties her to the post and beats her worse and worse. Storm eventually takes over and beats Petey down with some fantastic punches and other heel work as like his future partner, he's growing better and better as the weeks go on. Petey also rocks as a punching bag fighting from underneath. Gail keeps Jackie at bay as Petey makes a frantic comeback whipping the holy hell out of Storm for his crimes. Everyone fights on the ring as it gets more wild. Petey tries the CD, but Jackie low blows him and Storm slips in a Superkick to steal the win.
**1/2

In the back, Steiner flirts with a new announcer. He says Kurt needs to be worried about him because he's been thinking about him for 6 months and he's going to find out he's the man. His offence is the best, his defence is unbeatable, and he's a perfect lover. Just ask your wife. Christian runs on and says Tomko is in Japan trying to get his own life in a very selfish move. He's the weak link and he's always been closer with Steiner like brothers. Scotty says there is no them, and he's fighting Kurt, so he's on his own. Cage is very mad, but he grabs the girl and takes her off to the back.

Match#3 Austin Starr vs Senshi (Crossface Chickenwing Match)
Starr cheap shots him to start like a coward and does well for a moment, but Ki fights back and lights him up for it. Tons of insanely loud chops and kicks, and Aries dying on it all. He keeps trying to lock in the wing, but Starr is able to evade him. Starr batters his back and drags his fingernails across it in sick moment, and then beats his ass with a great control seg focusing on the shoulder and neck to weaken him for the Wing. As always, Starr's offence is perfectly executed and mean as hell, and Ki's selling rocks a ton as he's grabbing at it whenever he can. Backlund makes his way out to watch and cheer on Ki, and he fires back with a dropkick to the face and starts beating him to a pulp. Aries gets an eye poke to stop him and drops him with a wicked backdrop suplex that sends Ki onto his head and neck. Aries keeps on him and drops him onto the ropes to knock him to the floor, AND HE HITS HIS PERFECT TOPE TO CRUSH KI AGAINST THE RAIL AND KNOCKS HIS HEAD INTO IT. Aries gets him back in to the ring and finally locks it in, but Ki is able to get to the ropes as Backlund screams at the ref to look at his feet. Aries pops up and yells at Bob for it, and Ki comes back to life and locks in the Wing to make Aries tap.
***

Post match, Bob and Ki pay respect, BUT ARIES KNOCKS THEM OVER AND LOCKS BOB IN THE CHICKENWING AND STRANGLES HIM. FUCK YEAH.

JB-
-AJ walks on laughing about Rhino being out of element. He stuck his nose into his life and he got beat like a dog. Rhino's ego has lead him here, and he's got one more surprise for him left. There's only one way left for him to go, and that's straight down.

Christy Hemme comes out to show her team, but VKM come out and make more gross and outdated jokes about her being a stripper and needing to get back to the kitchen. Again, why the fuck is this a thing and how did we get here for what VKM were doing months ago. Anyway, she brings out her new team of The Heartbreakers formerly known as the Heartthrobs from WWE.

Match#4 Voodoo Kin Mafia vs The Heartbreakers w/Christy Hemme
Nine awful bloody minutes of dull OVW post peak wrestlers and broken down pieces of shit that are still here despite being dead trash. BG wins with a Pumphandle to end my pain.
DIE.

Hype for Lynn/Sabin.

Match#5 Chris Sabin (c) vs Jerry Lynn (NWA-TNA X-Division Championship-2/3 Falls)
Lynn starts the match with his normal Jerry Lynn offence, and Sabin tries to run for it and does ok for a while, but the old man catches him and drops him with a rana and controls the arm for a little bit. Sabin gets a running knee to the guts to hurt the ribs to even it up, and the old man fights from underneath trying his best to get back in to it as Sabin beats the crap out of his stomach. Good mix of offence and shit talking for a time, but he stops trying to win and Lynn gets a nasty DDT to send him onto his head and gets the first pin. LYNN STAYS ON HIM AND HITS A SPRINGBOARD DIVE INTO THE FUCKING CROWD. HELL YEAH. Jerry keeps fighting him and countering any comebacks, but the kid stays in the fight as he kicks out of a ton of Lynn's classics and shows he's got the stuff. He catches Lynn running at him with a gross powerbomb and puts his feet on the ropes to steal the second fall. They're both hurt and get desperate to end it quick, so we get loads of near falls and whatnot, and it's fine enough for what they're going for. Lynn kicks out of the Cradle Shock in a big moment, so Sabin tries the cradle but Lynn counters into one of his own. A person jumps on the apron in a sting mask and distracts the ref, and Sabin punts Lynn in the balls and hits another Cradle Shock to win.
**1/4

Post match, the man gets in the ring and it's very clear who it is, and even DW says he looks familiar. He hits the Angels Wings on Sabin, and takes his mask off to show Christopher Daniels with some bad new face paint. He hits Lynn with the title and lays him out with another Wings.

In the back, Corny says this Thursday he will announce some new happening at Lockdown. Hemme walks on and says this isn't over. Oh come on, please end it.

Hype for AJ/Rhino.

Match#6 AJ Styles vs Rhino (Elevation X)
Again, it's a Scaffold match with a TNA twist on top of AJ fucking Styles being in it and very clearly going to be the one whose going to fall off it. Like, in no world is mostly immobile old man Rhino taking the bump, so it's a bad idea to give this feud the stip on top of scaffold matches never actually being all that good to begin with. They fight at ringside and AJ does his killer dive over the rails and beats the old man up, and in a night of young heels finding their footing, AJ never slips once. They climb up to the X, and we get some terrible crowd shots of fans looking scared. They fight in the middle of the X and tease falling off, and AJ has some amazing saves to add to the drama. AJ CLIMBS DOWN AND HIDES UNDER THE TRUSS HAHAHHAAHHAA. The fans tell Rhino where he's hiding, so AJ moves to another side before he can find him. AJ finally pops up and attacks him from behind and they again fight in the middle as AJ does the bulk of the work of offence and selling. AJ gets powder out of his tights and has it kicked into his face and Rhino gores him onto the X and then stomps onto his hands to send him to the mat in a gross landing,
**1/2

Post match, AJ is helped out by medics.

Hype for Angle/Steiner.

In the back, Angle says the ring is about look like a crime scene when he gets done with him. He's here to help TNA and prove he's the best in the world. He wins and that's what he does. His words and intentions are damn real.

Match#7 Scott Steiner vs Kurt Angle
Slow start as neither man wants to mess it up, and it's fun as hell watching them both get pissy as they struggle to get into control. KURT SAYS FUCK IT AND HEADBUTTS HIM IN THE NOSE AND BEATS HIS ASS, AND SCOTTY IS BUSTED OPEN. Kurt attacks with supplexes and nice looking strikes, and Scotty slowly and gingerly does it, but does the best he can to bump round for him. They fight on the outside where Steiner drops him with a lariat and smacks his face off the steps to take over. Control is slow but good as Steiner takes him apart, and Kurt takes a good beating for all of it. Eventually Kurt fights back and the finishing run these two dropping each other onto their skulls. STEINER STEALS THE ANGLE SLAM AND DROPS KURT ON HIS NECK AND YOU CAN SEE HIS EYES ROLL IN THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. JESUS. Scotty keeps killing his neck whenever he can, but Kurt is also able to weaken the ankle at points. They fight on top and they both a sunset flip as Steiner lands on Kurt's chest and has to flip himself over so Kurt can pin him. Awful ending for an otherwise fun time.
**1/4

JB-
-Samoa Joe is here! For two long years he was locked in a cage being denied what was rightfully his, but tonight he is set free and born again as he reigns down. violence and vengeance as comes for his destiny. If Abyss tries anything tonight, he will make him fall like all the others. THIS IS MY NIGHT. THIS WILL MARK THE START OF MY NWA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP REIGN


Hype for Sting/Abyss

Match#8 Abyss vs Sting (Last Rites Match)

There are ton of the most silly looking tombstones around the ring as well as this next to Sting, and 4 on the corners.

They have a bad brawl to start like last month as they have zero chemistry, so it's bad strikes and boring fighting. Sting at least misses a splash and hits a candle and gets busted open in a nasty cut, but he should be set on fire for full effort. Abyss CALLS for the deathbed and it's lowered down with smoke pouring off in the darkness, and the fans start booing it, AND THEY CHANT "FIRE RUSSO" OVER AND OVER. HAHAHAHHA FUCK YEAH.

Sting is stuffed in the deathbed aka a coffin, but he fights out and we get more lazy punches and kicks from both, and the blood is the only saving grace as Sting's head is covered. Abyss picks up a tombstone like it weighs nothing, but then suddenly sells the weight of it. Goddamn it. Sting gets a chair and beats up Abyss, AND THEN USES HIS BAT TO BREAK THE FOAM TOMBSTONE OVER ABYSS HEAD. Fans are chanting bullshit now, and get more and more upset at this goes on. Abyss now fights back in actual sick moment chokeslams Sting through the deathbed. He gets another tombstone and sets it over two chairs, even though it should crush them with ease. Logic is dead and gone, and TNA is the only thing left. They fight on top and Sting breaks a candle over Abyss' head to send him through the foam tombstone and shoves him into the deathbed to win.
LOLTNA

Sting collapses on top of the coffin and it raises into the air, so he has to jump off. Really sums it up. I would rant and rave like an idiot, but there's nothing left to possibly say.

Hype for Joe/Cage.

Match#9 Christian Cage (c) vs Samoa Joe (NWA-TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
Wonderful start as Joe walks him down with kicks to the legs and shows he's more than ready for this shit. He keeps beating the crap out of him and it's a cathartic moment watching this creepy little bastard finally forced to meet his doom. Joe does the walk away spot and breaks out a kick to the neck and big knee to the face. He boots him to the floor, and a fight breaks out where Cage slams his shoulder against the post and does it again. He runs at him like a fool, and Joe murders him with the Uranagie to slam him onto the floor in a hideous thud sounding moment. and then hurls him into the crowd to beat his ass in front of his people. They go all over the Zone as Joe drags him over and slams him into walls, and even uses the Ole kick to send Cage's head through one. Fuck yeah. They go back to the ring, and Cage hits a DDT onto the apron to finally cut him off and moves into control punching and battering Joe's face in. Fantastic work on Joe's neck and head with all the old classics as he's a perfect mix of coward and smart violent little shit. Joe's selling is amazing as he's purple and gasping for air, but he refuses to fucking die, AND LAUNCHES HIMSELF AS CAGE JUMPS OFF THE TOP AND CATCHES HIM WITH A KNEE TO THE HEAD AND IT SOUNDS LIKE A GUN GOING OFF. Joe runs him down again and beats his face in, and cuts him off now when the tables are turned. Joe snaps Cage's head back on the Facewash, and then kills him with another insane knee to the face. He bashes him more and more, and Cage shows off his incredible selling throughout. Joe hits the Powerbomb/Crab combo and locks in the Clutch and strangles him near death, but Cage is able to get his fingers on the ropes. Joe runs at him again, but Cage gets the Unpreitter out of nowhere for a super insane 2.9 count, and the crowd is alive again. JOE RUNS AT CAGE ON THE APRONG WITH A TACKE AND THEY BOTH FALL TO THE FLOOR. Chrisitan is able to get to his feet first and goes to take a countout, and all the babyface X-Division guys come down and throw him back in. JOE HITS THE ISLAND DRIVER BUT THE REF IS STILL ON THE OUTSIDE AND RUNS BACK IN AND CAGE IS JUST ABLE TO KICK OUT. JOE GOES FOR ANOTHER RUNNING BOOT, BUT CAGE PULLS THE REF IN FRONT AND HE'S KILLED. CAGE GETS A CHAIR AND SMASHES JOE IN THE SKULL, BUT NOW THE REF IS DEAD AND CAN'T COUNT FOR HIM. CAGE SWINGS THE CHAIR AT JOE, BUT HE SUCKS AND SLAPS HIM DEAD AND HITS THE MUSCLE BUSTER, AND THE REF COMES BACK TO LIFE AND SOMEHOW CAGE IS JUST ABLE TO KICK OUT. JOE TRIES THE CHOKE, BUT CAGE KICKS HIM IN THE BALLS, BUT JOE FIGHTS THROUGH THE PAIN AND LOCKS IN THE CHOKE AGAIN AS CAGE IS IN THE ROPES AND HE'S ABLE TO FLIP OUT AS JOE IS HOLDING HIS NECK AND GETS HIS FEET ON THE ROPES TO STEAL THE WIN OUT OF HIS ASS.
***3/4

A classic to close out another mess of a show. Never change TNA.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-22/10/06

TNA IMPACT
March 15th, 2007
Impact Zone

To open the show, Cornette is standing in the Six Sides of Steel. He announces the main event will be a 10 man Lethal Lockdown in the classic Wargames set up. He brings out Christian Cage as the captain of the 1st team, and Kurt as the captain of the second team. Should be Joe after he got screwed on Sunday, tbh. Corny says they have until now until the 15th of April to pick their teams, so they need to choose wisely. Cage isn't happy, so Corny tells him to shut up and accept it's happening and get to picking. Cage tries to talk, but music plays over the top of him to close it out.

Tonight; Team 3D & Runt vs LAX & Shelley.

AJ Styles come out on crutches and wearing a neckbrace. He gets in the cage and asks if this is what Rhino wanted. LOOK AT ME. The doctors have told him his neck, ankle and back will never the same again because of Rhino. He hopes he's happy because he wouldn't want that to happen to him. He brings out his phone and says he can't even call his wife to tell her he's not getting paid and his kids won't be getting fed. So, Rhino can get his ass out here and call her to let her know what he did. Rhino comes out and backs AJ into a corner, and sells maybe he already called his wife. Or does he want him to knock the crap out of him one last time. He keeps demanding to know what this is about. AJ says he now knows Rhino was trying to help him, and he just wants this to be over. The fans don't want to be over, sadly. AJ says he gets it all now and just wants it over. Rhino says it's over, and they shake hands. NAH AJ FAKES IT AND TRIES TO HIT HIM WITH THE CRUTCH, BUT RHINO CATCHES IT. AJ KICKS HIM IN THE DICK AND BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM WITH THE CRUTCH. Rhino fights back and sends AJ into the cage for some wild bumps. Christian now comes out and hits Rhino with a crutch , AND HE HELPS AJ UP AND THEY BEAT RHINO UP TOGETHER. KURT AND JOE RUN DOWN AND CHASE AJ OFF. CAGE CLIMBS THE CAGE AND RUNS FOR THE HILLS. Wonderful bullshit even if AJ faking falling 20 something feet makes no sense.

JB-
-He's with LAX and Shelley (whose in LAX gear)
-Shelley says Bubba aimed a gun in face, but he never got a shot off because his new friends have his back. He used to rob bodegas with LAX, and he trained with Konnan in Arena Mexico
-Konnan says he's getting out of this chair those fat pussies put him in, and he's getting some revenge tonight.

In the back, Sabin is playing video games as Backlund is climbing stairs in the background. Sabin says he's pown noobs in GOW2 because he's the God of wrestling. Bob walks over and asks if they having discourse and excluding him. He doesn't like exclusionary acts. Bob gets mad at JB for not knowing he's training and playing games. He's training and getting ready for battle. HE'S MAKING HIM A LITTLE ANGRY. Bob walks off as Sabin goes back to playing.

In the ring, Nash and Dutt introduce Jay Lethal to the sound of Randy Savage's music remixed just a touch in classic Jimmy Hart fashion.

Match#1 Jay Lethal vs Kaz vs Jerry Lynn
3 minutes of a low level sprint as Jay can only do so much with Lynn being Lynn, and Kaz being one of the blandest dorks ever. Same boring spots you've seen a billion times and it's just not doing it for me anymore as pro wrestling has moved on. Lethal debuts the Lethal Injection to win
3/4*

Post match, Daniels runs down and beats everyone up with a baseball bat. Tenay makes the Sting comparison as we get a shot of his new terrible face paint. Uh Oh.

JB-
-Christian announces AJ as his first member for Lockdown. He's the greatest athlete in TNA who wants to be a big star, and he's going to align him with because of that.
-AJ says that's true as Cage promised him a title shot. Cage is very upset he's bringing that up and says that got him in the feels, and AJ says he didn't mean to upset him.
-Cage says they need to make an unstoppable unit, and anyone Kurt picks is someone he's already beaten. AJ says him as well, and Cage says he totally meant that. He promises we will meet the 3rd member tonight.

Match#2 LAX & Alex Shelley w/Konnan vs Team 3D & Brother Runt w/Johnny Rodz
K-Dawg joins commentary and talks more shit than anyone else could possibly do. Bad opening as D-Von is able to beat up Hernandez like he's nothing, and it's more awful 3D bullshit that just needs to fucking die. Hernandez thankfully takes Bubba's head off with a lariat and the fellas go to work with a fun control seg on his injured arm from DX. Ci is super violent and mean kicking the shit out of it, and Bubba's selling is actually pretty decent. Spike tags in, but he's quickly isolated and murdered in amazing form, INCLUDING HERNANDEZ HITTING A FUCKING FROG SPLASH ON HIM. GOODNESS. D-von gets the hot tag and does more bad power stuff, but the heels make it work with some killer bumps. It all breaks down as 3D finally get Shelley alone for his crimes, and beat his ass. Another goon comes down and fights Rodz to distact the ref, and 3D 3D Shelley through a table to kill him. The camera misses Jack Moody doing something to Bubba, and then Hernandez rolls D-Von up to steal it. Great work TNA.
**

Konnan gets the mic and says they've beaten them in every possible match they've been in. They've taken their dignity and they're going to tarnish their legacy next. To live and die in LAX.

In dark area of the Zone, Raven's goons are yelling at him that they are done with him. Raven screams to shut up, and then cuts a really hard to hear promo as he's speaking through his mask and his voice is even more muffled and terrible. The gist is he's going to make them do the worse things possible to prove themselves. He demands Bentley hit Kaz with a stick, but he refuses so Raven slaps the shit out of him. He slaps Havoc as well for refusing, and says he's helping them. THIS SUCKS.

In the bathroom, JB finds EY cleaning a toilet with a toothbrush. He's very sad and asks to get out of the contract, and JB says he signed it. JB brings up EY's friend and asks if can help, and EY says maybe and goes to call him. Roode walks on and says he owns EY, and JB needs to talk to him. He kicks him out and reminds EY he's nothing.

In the ring, Cage and AJ are standing by. Christian says he's going to show the world his third partner and he wants the world to welcome a dear friend of his, Abyss. The big man comes out as i guess his death didn't take. He stops at the end of the ramp and refuses to get in as Cage calls them a family, and asks if that's what he wants. He tells him to get in and take a spot behind the champ. Sadly, Sting's music now hits as Abyss can never be free of this man. Sting calls Abyss his own team who can see through them, and he's seen the light and he's his own man. Sting says there's one more piece of his life they need to get out there, but that's for later. HOLY SHIT LEAVE HIM ALONE. Cage thankfully says that as well as he never told anyone his secret, and says Sting doesn't care about him and he needs to join them.

Cornette comes out and says he's loves drama but he loves wrestling just a little more. Next week; AJ/Cage vs Sting/Abyss to see whose side he's on. Sting freaks out and then get in with Abyss and fights the heels to close it.

Super odd episode.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-22/10/06

TNA IMPACT
March 22nd, 2007
Impact Zone

In the back, JB is with Rhino, Joe and Kurt getting ready for a six man. Kurt says they have big egos because they take pride in being the best in the world. Imagine when these 3 egos unite as one as a machine whose going to run everyone over in Lethal Lockdown.

Tonight; Storm vs Lynn. Cage/AJ vs Sting/Abyss.

Match#1 Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe & Rhino vs Serotonin
Russo now has me hating Sting and Raven. If he somehow makes me hate Mick Foley when he debuts, i might actually cry for the rest of my life. Anyway, Team Angle runs through these morons for a couple of minutes in a cool showcase for the Lockdown team. Everyone hits their finishers, and Joe beats Matt with the Buster to win.
*3/4

In the back, AJ jumps up and down like a little kid as he rants to Cage that Team Angle looks like a well oiled machine, and he's got no idea what he's got him into. He asks where Tomko is, and says he's gotta wrestle Abyss now. The only reason he's here is for the title shot. CAGE JUMPS UP AND SAYS IF HE SAYS THAT ONE MORE TIME HE'S GOING TO TAKE IT BACK, AND AJ SAYS HE CAN'T. AMAZING. Christian calms it down and says he's looking at the champ and the sides will be even by tonight. He thinks... AJ freaks out again.

In the lair, Raven has the Clockwork mask on as he drips candle wax on Matt's back, and says this is how torture becomes your friend.

In the back, Sting and Abyss are with JB. Sting says hell has frozen over after 5 months of tying to help Abyss. He's not going to need a cage anymore, and he's got one more obstacle he needs to overcome, and he's got no doubt he'll do that just. He takes his glasses off to show a nasty black eye and says Abyss nearly took his eyes out, and he's gotta reach and take the future. Cage and Abyss's futures are even bleaker. GET READY FOR YOUR LAST RITES. Oh no.

In the ring, 3D call LAX to have a talk. LAX comes out as Bubba goes over the history and how LAX has gotten the best of it to protect the world tag titles. Bubba is also wearing a Doom Crew Hat and a Road Warrior Hawk shirt in maybe the coolest wrestling fit a 12 year old boy could dream of. Anyway, he talks about breaking women's necks, used burning tables and put an 80 year old woman through a balcony. THEY'RE JUST AS BAD AS THEM, HOMIE. Bubba says they want their legacy, but you earn it in this business. They open up two cases to show all the tag titles they've won in a really amazing moment as it shows no matter how much they might suck now, they were and are all time greats. He says it will be titles vs legacy at Lockdown. Konnan now comes out and gets out of the chair and into the ring for the first time in months. He calls them stinking gringos and says they don't care about those titles and they won't pretend to have those ones when they are NWA-TNA champions. They fought in all their matches, so he wants this in an ELECTRIFIED STEEL CAGE MATCH. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Until they beat them in this, they can't calm a legacy. Bubba accepts.

in the back, Corny is very mad about this for fair reasons. Bob Backlund runs on and screams he wants a match at Lockdown. He's never eaten marijuana in his life, and he doesn't even know what they snort anymore. He's proud of his condition and he's going to the moon. Corny calms him down and makes him the ref for Starr vs Senshi at Lockdown. Bob points at him for a while and then runs off.

Before the next match, Robert Roode is seen talking to Starr. Dirty Heel.

Match#2 Austin Starr vs Eric Young
Killer 2 minute sprint between two proper freaks going as fast and nuts as they can in the time allowed. Aries even gets a small control seg working the back and neck, and it's awesome even in the shortest version. Roode comes down to cheer Starr on, so EY fights back and kicks his ass to send a message to his shitty boss. EY hits the Elbow, but Roode attacks EY from behind as Traci distracts the ref, and Starr hits the Brainbuster to win.
**

Post match, Roode yells at EY, but Petey Williams runs down and makes the save for his old buddy. He kicks the shit out of Roode and sends him out to the floor. He offers his hand to EY, but Roode drags him away before he can.

In the back, Lynn says he's going to take Storm's beer, drink the beer and then bust it over James' head if he tries anything. He's pissed at Daniels for attacking him twice, and he doesn't know why he disappeared to find himself, but he can take it up with him like a man. The lights go out and we hear Lynn grunting and groaning, and they come back on to show Daniels has attacked him again. He's wearing a long black trenchcoat to make it even less subtle and cool. Daniels chokes him with a belt and walks away as DW asks what Sting has to do with any of this.

In the back, Chris Harris tells corny he can make the choice like a man. Jim tries to get him to listen to sense as he could be blinded for life, and TNA won't take responsibility for him. IF he can get doctors clearance, he can wrestle as that's the best he can do. Harris says his best isn't good enough.

James Storm and Jackie come out for the match, but Lynn is died. Storm snaps and says he's sick and tired of this as he loves to drink beer and beat people up, and he's out of beer. Send someone out here no matter the tunnel they come out of, so he can kick some ass. Some new music hits and Chris Harris comes out to fight, and Gail tries to stop him. Storm and Jackie talk shit, and Jackie calls Gail a no good slut. Gail gets in and fights her for it, and Harris joins in and chases after Storm. HE FINALLY GETS HIM BY THE JACKET, BUT STORM RIPS IT OFF AND RUNS AWAY. Back in the ring, the ladies fight until the refs break it up.

In Corny's office, Gail demands a match at Lockdown, and Jackie attacks her and they destroy Jim's awful office.

Recap of Sting being an asshole to Abyss.

Match#3 AJ Styles & Christian Cage vs Abyss & Sting
Abyss works well as a face as he hurls pesky little AJ all around the place, and it's a natural fit for big vs small with the roles reversed. Sting/Cage rocks as always. AJ hangs Sting's on the ropes to take over, and we get a killer but far too short control seg as our heroes beat the piss out of this mean old man who ruins lives for fun. AJ/Sting is SOOOOO amazing and cool, and holy shit i need more. AJ smokes him with the dropkick and does this amazing mid air spit in celebration. The best. We come back from break to Abyss to cleaning house and hurling these fuckers around, and hey AJ bumps like a total freak for all of it including a GROSS big boot. Abyss takes AJ out with the Shock Treatment, and fights Cage off by himself, but AJ turns the tide again. Sting now finally helps out takes them out, and fights Styles again. Mitchell comes out with a little old woman, and Abyss freaks out and stalks them down the aisle. Back in the ring, the boys beat Sting's butt, but he fires up and batters them as only motherfucking Sting can. He tosses Cage out, and locks AJ into the Deathlock! Cage gets back in and grabs the ref to distract him, and Scotty Steiner runs down and knocks Sting out cold with a pipe to the skull, and AJ rolls on top to win.
**3/4

Post match, all three fight to be in the middle of the ring to stare down the camera.

We see backstage that Abyss and the woman are hugging now.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-22/10/06

TNA IMPACT
March 29th, 2007
Impact Zone

We open with Sting asking someone off camera to explain the scars up and down Chris' body, and how it was already bad enough to see his mother abused for years and years. Or, that his mum had to watch the same thing to happen to Chris. The camera shows James Mitchell sitting there, and he shrugs and says lets says she was abused, does that justify putting three bullets in Chris' dad's back. That makes it ok? Sting is pissed as she was trying to protect their family, and James says Abyss protected her by taking the gun and taking her prints off and putting his own and taking the blame. He did 6 years for it like the big stupid animal he is, and he's going to do what he tells him to or else he's going to tell the authorities what really happened and she's going to rot like the dirtbag she is. As fair he's concerned he can take his self righteous routine and shove it up his ass. He can at least pay for dinner as he's going to a meeting with Christian.

I don't hate this, and i think that's even scarier.

Match#1 Austin Starr vs Shark Boy vs Jerry Lynn vs Sonjay Dutt vs Alex Shelley vs Petey Williams (Xscape Match)
Russo is on fire tonight, folks. Eliminations happen by pinfall or submission, then it's escape rules for the last two. Zero wasted time as they go insane with a million cool spots and cage bumps, and it's nice to see them cook once again. Backlund comes out and walks the steps like it's 1983. Sharky pulls off a massive shocker by getting rid of Shelley first with the DSD. Lynn kills Dutt with a powerbomb to the cage and then hits the Cradle to pin him. Starr goes on a sick run and kills Sharky with the Brainbuster. The faces double team him, and we get some grea bumps as a result. Petey hits him with the CD to beat him. Lynn and Petey fight now, and it's a fun back forth trying to stop the other from escaping as they fight like hell for any chance to get out. They have a fight on the outside, and Lynn smashes Petey's head off and jumps down to win.
**1/2

Daniels jumps put of the crowd and kills Jerry with a baseball bat to the back. The fans chant for him, and DW makes the Sting connection once more. Very funny to watch the fans mess with the plans.

In the back, Tomko arrives back from Japan. Leticia (the new interviewer) attempts to speak to him, but Christian runs on and sucks up to him as talks about how buff and good he looks. His phone rings and he answers it, and Tomko gets pissed and walks off. Cage plays off and says they'll meet up soon.

The Christian Coalition their way out, and Christian formally names Scotty as the newest member of his team. The best and baddest booty daddy he's met in his life, Scotty Steiner. Steine grabs the mic and tells him not to forget the title shot he deserves. Cage gets scared, but quickly tells him to worry about that later. He then says he's going to introduce his 4th member being lead down the aisle by James Mitchell, the Monster Abyss. They come down as Tenay recaps what we leant earlier and calls this blackmail. Cage says it's a pleasure to do business with such a righteous man like Mitchell. AJ cuts him off and says this is only 4, and he wants to know where number 5 is. Chrisitan says he was going to surprise him later, but he ruined it, but he can know now. He introduces Tomko as the 5th man, but he doesn't come out. He finally walks out and doesn't look all that pleased about this. He gets the mic and shoves Cage back as he says he's got a few things to say. Christian made him a lot of promises that have turned into lies, and he plays second fiddle to no one and he owes him a title shot. He doesn't care what he promised the others, he wants that title shot before he joins that team. HE WANTS HIS SHOT TONIGHT. Cage screams he can't believe how selfish he's being. Where is your team spirit. He will give him a title shot, but not until they beat Team Angle.

Team Angle now come out on the stage. Kurt speaks to Tomko as he calls Cage a liar, and says he can kick his ass if he joins their team. Cage tries to speak, but Tomko shoves him and tells him to shut up. Cornette now comes out and says he's sick of the talking as this is a pro wrestling show, so lets settle it in the ring. One member of each team will wrestle tonight and the winner gets Tomko on their team. Corny gets a contract and says if Tomko agrees to it, he can have his title shot. Cage again tries to stop it, but Tomko ignores him and tells Corny he agrees.

Hype for LAX/3D.

In the back, JB is with Team Angle
-Kurt says he's going to be in the match as he doesn't want to let them down, and he's a man of his word and he will back himself up. He's had setbacks as Abyss and Sting were meant to join, but that's not happening. Tomko will be his 5th member. JB asks who the 4th is, and Kurt says some things are better left unsaid.

Match#2 Eric Young vs James Storm w/Miss Jackie
Hell yeah. Only a couple of a minutes of course, but another fun sprint regardless. Storm beats his ass leading to some sick bumps and selling as EY is the best punching bag in TNA. EY fights back with a killer run of offence as he batters Storm over and over. He tries to come off the top, but Jackie shoves him into a Superkick for the loss.
*3/4

Post match, Haris and Gail rush the ring for a massive amazing brawl. HARRIS FINALLY GETS HIM IN THE CROWD AND PUNCHES THE SHIT OUT OF HIM BEFORE STORM RUNS AWAY.

Back in the ring, Roode and Brooks come out and berate EY for being a disgrace. He slaps him, and EY loses it and shoves him into the corner, and Roode dares him to do it so he can fire him. EY backs off, and Roode says maybe his friend can finally help him out. Petey runs down and attacks Roode and runs him off.

In the back, Team Cage are arguing about earlier. Cage refuses to wrestle as he's a main event guy and he can't get hurt. Scotty and AJ fight about selling tickets, and Cage calls them idiots. Mitchell says if he needs dirty work done, Abyss is his man. it's all he's good for, or he's calling the cops on his mum. Abyss grunts and screams about this.

Tenay now hots a face to face between VKM and Christy. Kip is again an asshole and tells her she's standing in his way of winning the tag titles, so back off while you still have some dignity. Christy says she has another team waiting for them at Lockdown, and she has more dignity than he ever will. Kip tells her he's pissed off now, and he wants to stop before she gets hurt.

Match#3 Kurt Angle vs Abyss w/James Mitchell (Winner gets Tomko on their team)
Kurt doesn't have to work hard to ground Abyss using the leg and goes to work. Fine Kurt stuff ripping it apart like a crazed man, and Abyss sells it pretty well. Abyss cracks him in the head with a punch to cut him off, but Kurt no sells it and locks in the Angle Lock. So it's one of those matches, sadly. We come back from break with Cage at ringside, and Abyss in control for 30 seconds before Kurt fights back again and does some bad looking suplexes and uses the Angle Lock again for a couple of minutes. The ref gets bumped when Abyss kicks Angle into him, and then he no sells the leg to go back on the attack. FUCK OFF. Kurt kicks out of the BHS when a new ref comes in, and then gets one of the worst looking Victory Rolls ever to win.
1/2*

Tomko grabs the contract and raises Kurt's arm, BUT HE HITS HIM BAW GAWD. He signs the one with Cage's name on it, and beats the shit out of Kurt. The rest of the tram members run down a massive kick ass brawl. Cage lays Kurt and the rest out of with the title belt, and the heels stand tall to end the episode.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-22/10/06

TNA IMPACT
April 5th, 2007
Impact Zone

In the back, Leticia is with Team Cage getting ready for an announced 8 Mile Street Fight. Tomko says last week was a joke and he doesn't know why they're crying. Cage calls its the swerve to end swerves and it's the best idea he's ever had. Tomko says it was his, and Cage says families share ideas. Tomko demands to know who made him face Rhino tonight in the street fight. Cage says he's got his back and asks Scotty to say the same, but he refuses. Everyone else asks for their title shots, so Cage runs off like a coward.

Tonight; LAX vs VKM. A company wide meeting hosted by Cornette.

Match#1 Tomko vs Rhino (8 Mile Street Fight)
They start fighting the back in a classic come dressed as you are brawl, and it's awesome as they bash the shit out of each other. Tomko shows he can brawl with the best of em as he hurls Rhino into things and throws sick punches. DW points out that Team Cage can bond as a unit, while Team Angle is still with 3 members and in a lot of trouble. Tomko kicks Rhino down a flight of stairs and throws him off a balcony and then smacks him with a chair. What a guy. He keeps kicking his ass with gross Plunda shots. Rhino makes a sweet comeback and rams him through a table, but Abyss comes down and tries to help, but he fucks it up and knocks Tomko out with a chair shot. Rhino dumps Abyss, and kills Tomko with the Gore to win.
**1/2

Post match, Abyss lays Rhino out with a chokeslam. Angle runs down along with Joe and they fight the monster. Everyone runs down and beats the shit out of the faces as Cage directs traffic. Tomko drops Angle with a nasty lariat, AND AJ BREAKS OUT THE SPIRAL TAP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR TO KILL KURT. FUCK YEAH. Abyss lays Joe out with the BHS, and Scotty chokes Angle out.

In the office, Sabin, Storm, Roode, Jackie and Traci are all yelling about something, and Corny snaps at them to shut up as they make as much sense as a $2 radio. He tells them he'll give them their matches as the company meeting later tonight. Gail runs in and beats the shit out of Jackie on the desk!!! Blackshirts drag them apart.

In the back, Team Cage are partying and Cage makes AJ have a drink, and he hates it. Cage calls them a unit, and Scotty says something that i can't make out, and neither can Cage. Christian says they're going to party like it's 99, except for Abyss after he nearly killed Tomko. He needs to learn to be a team player and clean this crap up. Mitchell tells him to do or else he's calling the cops on Mamma Abyss. The big man freaks out and kills the camerman and screams in anguish.

Before the tag match, Hemme tries to hit Hoyt, but he picks her up and carries her away.

Match#2 LAX w/Konnan vs Voodoo Kin Mafia
LAX run through BG's old ass right away by no selling his crap, and putting him to the fire in amazing fashion. He's old and shit, but he can still bump well enough to hold his end up to his credit. He gets some ok offence in and tags in Kip for a dreadful hot tag as he's even more cooked and washed than BG. One of the goons trips Kip and the rest attack for the DQ
3/4*

Team 3D run down for the save and clear the ring. Bubba gets the mic and says they accept the challenge for Lockdown. Uh fuck me. He keeps talking and drops some awful racist comments like the fat shitbag he is.

In the back, JB is with Team Angle. JOE LOSES IT AND SAYS HE ONLY AGREED TO BECAUSE KURT SWORE HE COULD DELIVER CAGE AND THE REST OF THOSE BASTARDS. HE HATES HIM, BUT HE SIGNED ON BECAUSE HE SAID HE WOULD MAKE A TEAM TO TAKE THEM OUT, SO IS HE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THIS HIMSELF OR WILL KURT FIX IT. Kurt yells that he's not enjoying this as Sting won't even return his calls. Rhino says he bought up a 4th member last week before Tomko turned, so who is it. Kurt says he'll tell them when the time is right, and they scream it's the right time now.

in the back, Kevin Nash gives Lethal new gear and says he's given him an Xscape match at Lockdown. Jay asks about Sonjay, and Nash said he took care of him

"I WORKED TWO MATCHES AND MADE SIX FIGURES ONE YEAR"-Nash

Dutt says he's now the laughing stock of his hood, and Kev says if nothing else he can fly on it.

In the back, JB asks Kurt what's going on, and Kurt says anyone who doubts him will see next week there will be 5.

Match#3 Senshi vs Austin Starr (Submission Match)
Russo, you are a dickhead. Awesome 5 minutes though as they again match up so well and bring out the best out of each other. Ki tries to get the neck, but Aries holds him off and kills him with the insane Tope to the rails to take over. He kicks the hell out of him and attacks the neck with the Last Chancery for a while, and Ki's selling is fantastic. He eventually comes back with wild kicks and knees to Aries, and attacks the neck in revenge, so now they're both badly hurt. Ki misses the stomp and hurts his knee, and Aries swarms him with a chop block and gross back drop to the neck and locks in a single leg crab, and Backlund walks over and throws in the towel for his son.
**3/4

Bob checks on Ki, and Aries tries the Crossface, but Bob fights him off and chases him away. Ki gets back up and yells at Bob and throws the towel at him and leaves as Starr laughs about it.

Recap of Sting/Abyss.

Mike interviews Sting about all the happenings and asks if he's had a chance to digest everything that's happened. Sting says he wants to say sorry to Chris as he never knew it would to any of this. He wanted to set him free, but it's only further imprisoned him, He came back at BFG to live his dream and 6 months later it's slipping through his fingers and he's not sure what he's done. He's going home to look his wife and kids in the eye, but most importantly himself.

Hey, maybe don't fuck with other peoples lives and this won't happen, you absolute dick.

It's time for the company wide meeting and everyone is there. He makes a 5 way Xscape match between Sabin, Shelley, Dutt, Lethal and Sharky for the X-Division title. Robert Roode will face Petey Williams. Jerry Lynn will also face Christopher Daniels. He's not here, but Corny wants Jerry to hit him up side the head for him. Senshi vs Starr with Bob as the guest referee. (We knew that already) He finds Harris and says he wants a piece of a Storm, and he's worried about his eye sight and the potential blindness. However, Chris came up with a great idea, he will face Storm in a Blindfold Match. Nope, that's a terrible idea for a blood feud. He then makes Gail vs Jackie in the first women's cage match for TNA. He confirms the godforsaken Electrified Cage Match.

Team Angle and Team Cage now walk forward on opposite sides of the Zone as Jim says he's now doubting Kurt for the first time ever. He demands he find his 5th member as next week it will be one member one on one with the numbers advantage on the line. Christian gets the mic and says he doesn't appreciate having to be here when he and the boys were about to go and celebrate, but since he's here he's got 5 and they've got 3. Team Cage will not be held responsible for what happens to Team Angle at Lockdown. Corny tells him to shut up, and says the title shots are the only reason he's even got a team and he can't fulfil the promise as he can't pick his own challengers. He picks them, and now he has to worry because who ever gets the winning fall for EITHER team will get a title shot at Sacrifice in May. Cage is pissed and upset and says he's trying to get one over on the instant classic. Well, Angle's team isn't even making to Lockdown, THE LIGHTS GO OUT AND STING IS THERE DESPITE SAYING HE WAS LEAVING, AND HE ATTACKS THE HEELS AND HELPS TURN THE TIDE FOR TEAM CAGE. KURT RAISES HIS ARM TO WELCOME HIM TO THE TEAM.

Lying son of a bitch.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-22/10/06

TNA IMPACT
April 12th, 2007
Impact Zone

In the back, LAX find JB and say they have a big surprise for 3D.

In the ring, Team Angle sans the boss is here, and he makes the big entrance to come out. Sting says sorry for not returning his calls as he coming to grips with a few things, and he now knows he's a pro wrestler that God made him and he loves TNA. He loves this team, but they need 5 and he needs to bring out the 5th player right now. Kurt says he's respects him more than he'll know, but he's gotta do a few things as a man he needs to come to grips with himself. Joe steals the mic and says he's thinking there's a conspiracy here as they're heading to slaughter 4 on 5, and it makes Kurt's road to the title a lot easier without any of them around. Joe says they all stepped up, and he needs to do the same. Kurt tells him not to question his integrity ever again. He swears on the American flag that there will be a 5th man by the end of the night. He drops the mic and leaves.

Tonight. A member of each team wrestlers for the numbers advantage.

Back in the ring, Big Kev introduces BLACK MACHISMO JAY LETHAL. He comes out in his amazing Savage gear and does the Mega Powers handshake with Kev. He then does the perfect impression.

Match#1 Jay Lethal vs Chris Sabin
Fuck yeah, about time we got to see this. Wonderful fast feeling out as they counter each other and show off. Lethal hits my beloved Axe Handle to hurt Sabin, and drills him with an elbow to the skull. He tries the big one, but Sabin crotches him and dropkicks him off the top and goes to work beating him down. Great control seg as he's getting even more violent and mean as a heel, and his shit talk is coming along nicely. Sabin's cut offs all rock as he batters Jay and breaks out some sick stuff like his amazing Tornado DDT. Jay gets the Lethal Combination out of nowhere and then hits the stunning looking Elbow Drop for the massive upset
**34

Mike and DW run down the Lockdown card.

In the back, Cage is very mad that everyone is now happy that they can get a title shot. First Sting comes back from the dead again, and then Cornette screws him. AJ says this is business and the title is the reason they're all there. They've got the numbers advantage and they needs to take advantage of the advantage they currently have. Christian says that was very impressive and asks how long it took him to memorise that. DEAD. Christian says Kurt doesn't have a member, and they need to worry about tonight first and then Lockdown later. Scotty says then it's title shot, and Christian says he's disappointed in them for putting themselves first. Abyss grunts at him, so Cage asks if he washes his mask. Abyss is none too pleased.

In the back, Nash asks Lethal if trusts him now, and Jay says he really does. Kev calls for someone called "Vin Man" off screen, and hey Dutt walks on dressed as Vinnie Vegas. FORGET ABOUT. Nash says it's money, and Dutt gets sad and walks off as Nash says he put a lot of work into this. They leave as Roode walks on and says Lockdown gets started now, and Storm walks on and slurs his words about the blindfold match, and Roode is pissed at him. Roode says it pays to be rude. BEER MONEY. Roode demands EY sit in a chair and stare at a wall.

Match#2 Petey Willams & Gail Kim vs Robert Roode & Miss Jackie Moore w/Miss Brooks
Everyone fights right away, and chaos is everywhere. Roode kills Gail with a backdrop to mess up her neck. Petey fights them both by himself as best he can, but the numbers get him as Roode kicks his ass and lays him out with his Spinebuster. We come back to the heels beating Petey up in a nice little control seg. Gail comes back to life and fights Jackie again. Storm comes out to help Roode, and he shoves Petey into a cradle with the tights to give the heels the win.
*1/2

Post match, Harris runs down and chokes Jackie, but Storm takes his knee out and beats the shit out of him. EY comes on the stage with a chair and chases Storm off. Roode dares him to do it, but he backs off and runs away. Roode gets the mic and says he owns EY or he's never wrestling again in his life. EY drops it and follows him out.

In the back, JB tries to get answers from Daniels, but he shoves him with a bat and walks off. LAX WALK ON WITH RUNT TIED UP AND KONNAN SAYS THEY GOT THE NEXT BEST THING AND SHIOWS HE'S GOT A GUN. YEAH KILL HIM.

Hype for 3D/LAX.

In the ring, LAX have Spike as DW shouts Konna's got a gun. K-Dawg rants about the terrible politics of America and how he won't stand for it anymore. He pulls the gun out and says its a taser gun, and after this he can tell his brothers how good it felt. Bubba walks out, AND SAYS DON'T SHOOT HIS BROTHER. Konnan says they're like the American police who shoot first, and he shoots Spike in the chest and runs away. hahahahahahahahaha fuck yeah. 3D check on their little turd of a brother.

Match#3 AJ Styles vs Samoa Joe (Numbers Advantage Match)
WELL GODDAMN. OK. AJ jumps out of the way of some leg kicks to start and laughs like a jackass, so Joe drills him in the skull with one and bashes his body with nasty kicks and attacks the leg. The best dudes. JOE DOES THE NOPE ON THE DROPKICK COMBO AND CRUSHES AJ WITH A KNEE TO THE FACE. AJ catches him with an eye poke and hits the forearm to take over as TNA isn't giving us much time, sadly. Still, AJ is amazing as hell in control beating Joe's ass with super stiff strikes like forearms and punches, and Joe's selling is killer. AJ gets dirty by raking Joe's back and kidney in a petty piece of shit move, and Joe's back is red and bloody as a result. AJ stays on him and beats him worse and worse, and we get even more amazing shots of Joe's bloody back. The big man fights back and kills him with the Sit Your Ass Down to slam him to the mat, bu he's still messed up and can't fight back fully, so AJ hits a picture perfect Styln DDT to drop him once more for a super close 2.9 count. Joe tries a kick, but AJ drags the ref in front to take him out. AJ and Joe keep fighting and it rocks a ton. AJ slips out of the Buster and tries the Clash, but Joe drags him down into the Choke! All the team members now come down and brawl at ringside, AND BRE WOOO BREE WOOOOOO JEFF FUCKING JARRETT MAKES HIS RETURN WITH HIS GUIATR AND GETS IN THE RING AND STARES DOWN JOE. HE FLASHES FIVE FINGERS AND HITS AJ OVER THE HEAD WITH THE GUIATR IN ONE OF THE COOLEST SHOTS HE'S EVER HIT AS IT GOES RIGHT OVER AJ'S HEAD AND NECK. HE FLASHES FIVE FINGERS AGAIN. JOE MAKES THE PIN AS KURT STANDS GUARD AND SMILES AT JEFF. FUCK YEAH
**3/4



Everyone is in complete shock as Jarrett is SOOOOO happy on the stage, and it's a truly nice moment after his putrid run before he left. SLAPNUTS FOREVER.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: LAX-22/10/06

TNA LOCKDOWN 2007
APRIL 15TH, 2007
ST CHARLES, MO

TNA Fucks up a cage despite having the proper on TV a few weeks ago. Amazing how bad this company actually is at even the easiest of things like a cage. Instead, they make this monstrosity of plastic and wood. LOLTNA

In the back, Jay Lethal does another tremendous impression of Randy. BLACK MACHISMO YEAH DIG IT.

Match#1 Chris Sabin (c) vs Jay Lethal vs Alex Shelley vs Shark Boy vs Sonjay Dutt (NWA-TNA X-Division Championship- Xscape Match)
They work legal man rules, which is just the worst choice in a cage match. Fine opening between Sabin and Dutt going back and forth with some chain wrestling and whatnot. Shelley helps Sabin a few times and they seem like friends who would enjoy machineguns. Next few minutes are the other parings doing ok stuff, but never really using the cage to kill each other, so it's pointless to still have this awful PPV. THE GUNS TEAM UP FOR THE FIRST TIME TO FIGHT SHARKY, AND IT'S ALREADY SO GOOD. They hit a double Legdrop/Splash combo to get rid of Sharky first. Jay now fights everyone and fits right in with the Guns as the best dudes in this. The Guns keep working together and mess him and Dutt up as it turns into a tag match, and i need that proper. The Guns ramp up the double teams and get cooler and more in sync, and the crowd loves them. Jay does a fake hot tag and beats the shit out of them in amazing fashion, and the Guns bumps like crazy for him. Dutt joins in and gets a few close calls on them as well. The Guns break out wild kicks on Lethal and clobber him out cold. Sabin quickly beats Dutt with the Cradle Shock to eliminate him. JAY SAYS FUCK IT AND FIGHTS THEM BOTH BY HIMSELF AND DROPS THEM AND HITS SHELLEY WITH THE ELBOW TO PIN HIM. It's now an escape match (hence the stupid name). They both climb on the outside and Sabin kicks Jay into the cage where his leg gets stuck, and Chris jumps down to win.
**3/4

In the back, Team Cage is celebrating and Christian says his team already has the match won. Christian says they're all winners but Abyss, who is an imbecile. Abyss wants to fight them, but Mitchell threatens to call the cops. Christian says Team Angle arrived in different cars and don't trust each other, In fact, as a result of JJ's cheating on Impact, TNA has now given them the numbers advantage. Team Angle has a traitor and has says his name is J-E-DOUBLE F! HA HA!. Christian says he's giving everyone the title shot anyone, so Corny did him a favour. He runs off happily as Steiner screams at everyone to stay out of his way or else.

Petey/Roode hype

Before the match, Roode screams at EY to sit in a chair and not move.

Match#2 Robert Roode w/Ms Brooks & Eric Young vs Petey Williams
Petey jumps him in revenge for everything and uses his speed to send him all over the place, and Roodes bumps are class as getting better and better. Bobby finally cuts him off with a hot shot on the ropes (instead of using the cage) and moves into a fine control seg using his awesome basics, and Petey is the perfect little punching bag for him as he bumps like a complete nutjob for all of it. Lots of fun cut off, but none that really use the cage again. EY stops Roode from using a hokey stick like a nice man. Petey comes back and botches a ton sadly as he's on late on stuff, or misses things by a mile. He fucks a dropkick up that never touches Bobby, and Roode is forced to bump for air. EY finally hands the stick to Petey for him to crack Bobby, and he does just that with some pretty cool shots. Sadly, awful ref Hebner takes it away because he's the worst. Roode counters the CD into a bad looking Alabama Slam into the corner and then hits the Fisherman Buster to win.
*3/4

In the back, Kurt finds Rhino and says he's changing the oder tonight because of what happened. Rhino screams at him that he doesn't trust Jeff, and Kurt needs to find Joe and fix this right now.

Hype for Jackie/Gail.

Match#3 Ms Jackie Moore vs Gail Kim
They fight on the stage to start as this fucking show is anything but Lockdown in a cage. Brawl itself is mostly a bad cat fight as Jackie is old and washed and can't do anything all that good, and Gail can only do so much to help out. They keep having a bad fight once it gets in the cage and there's not much i can say or add. Gail wins with a crossbody off the top, and hopefully we move on.
3/4*

In the back, Bob says insane things to JB once more in the best thing on this show in nearly an hour.

Match#4 Austin Starr vs Senshi (Bob Backlund is the guest referee)
Bob refs the match in slacks and suspenders. The best man ever. Sick opening as always as they do their normal wonderful stuff of smoothness and gross strikes from both as they batter the piss out of each other. They still don't really use the cage at all, so this is another "fuck this PPV" match. Aries takes over with a running knee to the guts and works the ribs, and it would be sick if he uses the cage but lol nope. STILL, really good stuff as always as he can't miss, and Ki is a freak selling everything like death. He makes a comeback with the wild kicks to break Aries already ruined brain, AND HE FINALLY BACKDROPS ARIES INTO THE FUCKING CAGE DOOR IN A GROSS AND AWESOME MOMENT. I'LL BE DAMNED. They fight some more and Aries attacks the knee and slams into the cage door for some revenge and beats him down. He tries to use the ropes to steal it, but Bob sees it and won't count for him. Ki fights back and nails the John Woo, but when he tries the Warriors Way, Aries shoves Bob into the ropes to knock him over, AND HE HITS THE 450 AND SOMEHOW KI KICKS OUT. HOLY SHIT YEAH. Aries screams at Bob, so Backlund shoves back into Ki for a fancy roll up to give our hero a win.
**3/4

Post match, Aries screams a lot and storms off. Also, he ends up being suspended for 90 days for refusing to tape promos for days he considered to be time off. TNA got mad at him and demanded he do it, so he did but the bridge was burnt and they suspended him. Aries ends up requesting and being granted his release, so this is the end until his epic return in a few years. Farewell for a while, you short insane bastard.

In the back, Joe is none too pleased. He demands to know where Kurt was two weeks ago when he wanted to know who the 5th man. If you want to find hm it's very easy, but Kurt always seems to be unable to find him. JARRETT IS A SCUMBAG AND HE WON'T EVER FOOL HIM, THEY WILL NEVER GET ALONG AND HE'S WAITING FOR HIM TO MAKE HIS MOVE BECAUSE HE KNOWS ITS COMING. SO DO IT SO HE CAN MAIM HIM. KILL HIM. AND THE SAME GOES FOR ANYONE WHO GETS IN HIS WAY FOR HIS TITLE SHOT. HE WILL BE DAMNED IF HE DOESN'T COME OUT THE VICTOR. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Hype for Harris/Storm.

Match#5 Chris Harris vs James Storm (Blindfold Match)
So of course TNA takes a true proper blood feud and places it in a cage match where they had their most famous match (and some all timers with New Church and the Nats), and turns it into one of the worst gimmick matches possible to ruin any possible chance of it being good. Like, it's baffling in ways that's hard to truly work out why anyone agreed to this. They circle each other for a while and miss each other, and it's just stupid and bad, and i hate it all. THE FANS TURN ON IT AND CHANT "WE WANT WRESTLING" AND BORING. FUCK YEAH GET EM. They keep booing everything and it's a wonderful moment. AMW finally fight and it's two blindfolded men fighting each other, so uh, it's not good. Storm's mask keeps falling off whenever Harris hits him, so it's not even placed on correctly. Harris spears him off the top and the mask falls off again, and then Harris' falls off during more offence. Harris double legs the ref by mistake, so Storm takes his mask off and hits a superkick to mercifully end this trash.
1/2*

In the back, Kurt finds Sting and says they need to talk about JJ. Sting says the damage is done and there's no point. Kurt says he truly thinks that Jeff has changed, and they're on the same side. Sting brings up BFG and says he and Kurt saw the change in JJ during that match, and he doesn't know what happened but he's a different man. So he can have the benefit of the doubt, but if he screws him he's coming after both of them. Kurt mutters this job sucks.

Hype for Daniels/Lynn. It's all Daniels talking about needing to sacrifice to become what he needs to.

Match#6 Christopher Daniels vs Jerry Lynn
Daniels is now growing out his hair as best he can, and he looks like a proper 1970's mad priest in a horror film. They fight and use the fucking cage right away as they hurl each other into it in a novel concept. It's not amazing or anything as it's all basic stuff, but fuck at least they're fighting like two dudes who hate each other and have a cage to mess each other up with. Daniels dropkicks him into the door to take over, and his control is boring but fine in terms of working the neck and cheating, and it's a far cry for his epic 2005 work. Lynn cuts him off with a sunset flip off the ropes, and it's wild he's doing cooler shit than someone else in a match. They move into the finishing run shortly after and hey, also a fine back and forth with a very dead and angry crowd as a result of the last match. Daniels eventually shoves him off the top rope and hits Last Rites to win.
**

In the back, 3D say a loooot of words, but i am beyond done with this.

Hype for this godforsaken tag title match.

Match#7 LAX (c) wKonnan vs Team 3D (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championships. Electrified Steel Cage)
They low the lights to a terrible blue one that makes it hard to see just to top this off. DW points out that LAX are wearing gloves and rubber boots to not get shocked, and it's a nice moment in the midst of this. LAX take some killer bumps in the dark for these two old men and it's good as hell as always, but the issues hit as they get thrown into the cage and not killed. Tenay says the shocks will happen at random intervals, which is lame. Ci breaks out the fork to cut Bubba's head open and tries to burn his hand on the cage, but Bubba bites him. Ci gets shocked first on his hand and sells it with a scream, which is far more than it deserves. LAX take over and bloody these old fucks up and beat their asses for a while. The fans finally turn on this one as well as the shocks never actually happen and there's a massive humming sound over the entire thing, so they boo it all. Konnan and a goon attack a ref and try to get in, so Hector jumps off commentary to fight them off. He unlocks the door as Bubba asks for some fucking tables, and DW says he agrees with him. Hector slams the door in Hernandez' head before he leaves. LAX no sell all that and fight the old men some more, but sadly 3D fight back in lazy and boring fashion. HERNANDEZ HITS D-VON WITH A BORDER TOSS TO THE CAGE AND THE LIGHTS GO ON AND OFF AND WE GET A BUZZING SOUND. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THE FANS CHANT FIRE RUSSO. FUCK YEAH. Bubba fights everyone by himself because he's the toughest and coolest. LAX again fight back and Hernandez climbs the cage with the gloves and boots and doesn't get shocked at all, and hey the fans boo it all. He misses his dive and goes through a table and he's dead. Ci gets thrown into it and the hideous buzzing goes off again. 3D beat him with the 3D to end a nightmare joke of a match.
LOLFUCKINGTNA

In the back, Kurt rants like a madman about not being trusted and how he's going to kill Jeff if he screws him.

Hype for the main event.

Match#8 The Christian Collation vs Team Angle (Lethal Lockdown)
-Kurt and AJ are the first men in this.
-AJ bumps around like AJ Styles for all of Kurt's stuff as he makes it look killer, and to Kurt's credit he's trying hard on PPV.
-Kurt takes a header into the cage on a missed shoulder block and he rams his shitty neck right into the fake crappy cage.
-AJ beats his head in with his amazing rights and lefts, and talks some shit to make it even cooler.
-Abyss is the 3rd man.
-Weird choice to go with the cleanup man so early, but hey TNA is TNA and i can't be bothered questioning anything atm
-He beats Kurt up with terrible looking shots as Abyss now sucks, i guess.
-Mitchell comes out to cheer his team, and Harley Race follows him out to stand at ringside.
-AJ and Abyss beat Kurt up for a while.
-Rhino is in next
-Standard Rhino offence means awesome AJ bumps.
-The faces fight back in slow and boring form.
-Tomko is next
-He lays Rhino out with a sick big boot
-AJ is busted open as the camera missed it
-Tomko keeps doing cool power offence to Kurt's ass, and it rocks.
-Rhino is cut open and has the cut punched at by AJ
-Samoa Fucking Joe is next
-He's mad as hell and nukes everyone with headbutts and kicks, and it's just the best shit ever.
-JOE HITS A SUPER KNEE OFF THE TOP TO TOMKO AND CRUSHES HIS FACE, AND THE HE KILLS AJ WITH SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND THE MUSCLE BUSTER.
-Kurt fights back and does lots and lots and lots of German's to Tomko
-Scotty Steiner is next
-He cracks everyone with lariats and suplexes.
-HE PUTS RHINO ON THE TOP AND HITS THE FUCKING FRANKENSTEINER. OH MY GOD
-The heel move ahead and bash the shit out of all the faces with gross punches and kicks, and it's a blast.
-Sting is next
-Woooooo Stinger stings these fuckers with Stinger Splashes over and over.
-He punches Scotty so hard he nearly falls out the door
-Everyone does a tower of doom because 2007 baby
-Christian is the last man in for his team
-He's a ball of fire on offence kicking and dropping everyone, but Sting cuts him off and beats his ass.
-Once again, these two are magic and TNA are morons for not running this.
-Jeff Jarrett is the last man in, looking in great shape btw
-HE THROWS BABYFACE DROPKICKS ON ALL THE HEELS AND LOOKS AMAZING AS HELL
-HE NAILS AJ WITH THE STROKE LIKE IT'S 2005
-The roof lowers as Lockdown begins.
-Everyone gets plunda down from the roof and crack each other with some sick shots.
-JJ gets the bat down and throws it to Sting to help him out, and he does the same for the rest of his team
-HE BASHES STEINER'S HEAD IN WITH A TRASH CAN LID AT LEAST 10 TIMES,
-HE THEN ATTACKS ABYSS WITH A FUCKING PIPE
-AJ kicks Kurt in the balls and then climbs up to the roof of the cage,
-Kurt follows him up and they have a sick as hell fight up there.
-Harley Race knocks Mitchell out cold
-Joe tries to dropkick Tomko off the cage, but he misses and eats shit on the mat
-TOMKO DROPS DOWN AND RHINO GORES HIM THROUGH THE DOOR.
-On the roof, AJ cracks Kurt in the face with a chair.
-Everyone fights on the outside now that the door is open, and it's insane chaos.
-Abyss drops some tacks on the mat, and Sting and JJ fight him off,
-THEY DOUBLE CHOKESLAM CHRISTIAN ON TOP OF THE TACKS.
-AJ AND KURT FIGHT AGAIN AND KURT PUNCHES AJ OFF ONTO ALL THE WRESTLERS AND THEN FLIPS HIM THE DOUBLE BIRD. FUCK YEAH KURT.
-Abyss dumps a bag of thumbtacks into a guitar and tells Jeff to do it for him.
-Jeff lines Sting up, BUT HE TELLS HIM TO MOVE AND HE HITS ABYSS IN THE FACE WITH IT AND HE TELLS STING TO MAKE THE PIN AND STANDS GUARD AS STING DOES JUST THAT AND WINS THE TITLE SHOT.
HELL YEAH
***1/2

Jeff offers his hand to Sting, and Sting thinks about it for a long time and eventually does it. Jeff shakes hands with Rhino and Joe!!!!!!!! Kurt climbs down as he shkaes his head and walks off like a big bitch as Jeff follows him to close the show.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team 3D-15/4/07

TNA IMPACT
April 19th, 2007
Impact Zone

In the ring, Mike is standing by as he introduces Jeff Jarrett, Mike talks about the guitar shot heard around the world last week, and he's proven he's a new JJ after Lockdown. Jeff says in the last 6 months he knew he would change and realise it's not about him and it's time to give back. He's looked back over the last 5 years, but more importantly the last 17 days he knows how important is to give back. Sting has done just that time and time again, and he's going to do that. He's done step 1 and 2, and he's got one more step to go and a LOT of people are going to be shocked.

Kurt now comes out (in full gear) all mad and whatnot. Kurt says if he wants to make things right after he called him and bought him back in the game despite no one trusting him. This is the thanks he gets? he gives Sting a title shot, the same man who hates him. Make things right with him. Jeff says he feels he doesn't need to make anything right with him because he helped him win Lockdown. As far as Sting goes, this is all about timing and he was the right man at the right time. Kurt says it looks like Jeff is in the wrong place. Sting now comes out and says Kurt now has a problem with him. He's been to hell and back with Abyss, but he's heard Kurt's voice acting like he's the leader of TNA. He and Jeff have been doing this for 20 years, and he's only been doing it for 10. If they hadn't paved the way for him, he would he a gold medallist gym teacher. IF HE WANTS A SHOT AT CHRISTIAN, HE CAN FACE HIM NEXT FOR THE #1 CONTENDERSHIP. HELL YEAH.

In the back, Christian and the boys are very happy they're fighting over him. Cage says he wants to be a tag champion now, and he's going to do with Abyss. He calls him an embarrassment who ruined his night. If he doesn't leave tonight with 3 titles around his waist he's in big trouble. AJ shouts BIG TROUBLE like an amazing little clone.

Match#1 Christopher Daniels vs Rhino vs AJ Styles vs Samoa Joe
Holy fuck, what???. Daniels is wearing a Sting mask as subtly is now out the window. Great little fight between him and Joe to start as he tries to fuck with him, and Joe bitchslaps him and wreaks his life as only he can. AJ now gets in and bumps around for the old man beast as always, and it's very good but a tired hand at this point. Nevermind that, Joe and AJ fight once more and do all the cool stuff they can think of, and it's a blast. The old tag team works together to turn into a tag match for a minute or so before it all breaks down. AJ is backdropped to the floor by Joe in a gross moment, and then goes after him for some reason. Back in the ring, Daniels breaks a bat over Rhino's face to steal the win.
**1/2

Post match, Joe and AJ fight some more! Joe turns the tide and punches him over and over until AJ runs for it. Mike shouts this is far from over, and i can only hope this is the case.

JB-
-Kurt is still mad and sad about the bullshit that happened before. Sting has made the biggest mistake of his career challenging him when he's in his prime. He's the best he's ever been, and he's going to push him aside and take his title shot. His revival is over because it's damn real.

Harris and Gail come out for a match, but Jackie attacks Gail and fight her into the crowd as the camera cuts away.

Match#2 Chris Harris vs Robert Roode w/Ms Brooks & Eric Young
Roode blindsides him (get it) to start and throws more real great rights and lefts as his offence is getting tighter and tighter. Harris fights back and shows off his amazing babyface skills as Storm watches on drinking a beer. Mike announces Harris vs Storm at Sacrifice in a Texas Death Match!!! Harris pinballs Roode all over and breaks out his great lariat and ALL that fire of the AMW days. He nails the Catonic, but Broosk pulls the ref out. Bobby gets the handcuffs as Storm gives him a nod, and he knocks Harris out cold to steal one.
**1/4

POST MATCH, EY SHOVES BROOKS TO THE FLOOR. Bobby decks him and throws him into the ring. He gets the mic and says he's sick of him making a fool of him every time he cheers for his opponent. He owns him, and he must be made he beat up his friend at Lockdown. EY smiles and says Petey is not the friend. Roode laughs and says he has no friends, or he can give him a name right now. EY refuses to answer, so Roode gives him one week or he's firing him on TV. It pays to be Roode.

In the back, Mitchell yells at Abyss for being a big stupid moron who messed it up. He says this is the last time to get the job done, or that filthy skeevey woman is going to jail for all her crimes. He slaps him as Abyss freaks out once more.

In a pre-tape, Shelley is shocked that Black Machismo took off in the way it has, but how come he's not teaming with him next week and instead is with Kaz Hayashi!!!! Nash says not to worry as he's got Jay going over in a three way next week. Jay walks on and does the impression again and is super excited to get the belt, yeah dig it. He asks about Sonjay, and he walks on dressed as Big Daddy Cool. He loses it and tells everyone to shut up, and says he looks like a joke so Kev can stick it.

These assholes make us watch "highlights"of 3D/LAX.

At ringside, LAX has joined commentary.

Match#3 Team 3D (c) vs Christian Cage & Abyss w/James Mitchell (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championships)
Bubba fit update; cut off flannel shirt and denim jeans. You sir, are trash. Konnan buries everyone on commentary, and it's more than fair as everyone but Cage is terrible, awful or washed. Christian bumps around for these old assholes for a bit, and the highlight is Konnan forcing DW to come out of the closet as a LAX fan in a very funny moment as he admits he likes them a lot. Christian takes a wild bump off a super neckbreaker from D-Von as he's somehow getting more and more amazing every week. Bubba and Abyss now fight and Bubba easily picks him up and drops him, and holy shit Abyss is dead as a monster. The heels take over as they isolate D-Von, and it's good thanks to Cage doing the bulk of the work making him sell and care. Bubba makes a hot tag as it all thankfully breaks down into a fun little brawl. Abyss gets thrown into Cage to knock him down, and then the big moron walks into a 3D to lose. LOL
*3/4

Post match, Cage yells and screams at Abyss for it, and the big man finally snaps and goes to attack him, but Mitchell calls him off with threats. Cage spits on him, so Abyss punches him and sets him up for Shock Treatment, but Mitchell calls him off once more. Abyss grabs him by the throat, but the rest of the Collation run down and beat the piss out of this goofy bastard. Abyss fights them off and clears the ring and gets Mitchell alone, but he pulls the phone out. ABYSS SMACKS IT AWAY AND FINALLY KILLS HIM WITH THE BLACK HOLE SLAM. FUCK YEAH. Konnan even gives him props for doing it. Abyss gets out a bag of tacks, but Tomko saves the day with a gross lariat. The boys beat him down again as Cage smacks a chair over his head to bust him open. Tomko drills him with an even harder one, and then Scotty and AJ brain him as well as Abyss' red mask is stained in blood. Cage gets a barbed wire bat and bears Abyss's arms with it to rip them apart, and Konnan shouts to set him on fire. CHRISTIAN SETS HIM UP FOR THE CONCHAIRTO WITH THE BAT UNDERNEATH ABYSS'S HEAD AND HE SLAMS IT DOWN. HOLY SHIT YEAH

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team 3D-15/4/07

TNA IMPACT
April 26th, 2007
Impact Zone

TONIGHT; STING VS KURT ANGLE

Match#1 Sting vs Kurt Angle (#1 Contendership)
Only 2 minutes, so it's all done at a breakneck speed of finisher attempts, suplexes and sloppy brawling in the crowd. The Collation runs down to attack both for the DQ
3/4*

Post match, they beat them both up for a while, and Kurt takes a chair shot right to the top of his already bad brain to bust him wide open. They hold him over the ropes so Cage can hit him in the back and neck over and over, and the he DDT's on the chair to knock him out cold. Sting finally comes back in and runs them off.

We come back to see Kurt being taken out on a stretcher all dead and stuff.

Mike is alone at the booth as he says Cornette has called DW to talk about something.

In the back, Christian and the boys are super happy about taking another loser out. He's sick and tires of people bucking the system and skipping the line like Shark Boy and Sonjay Dutt. AJ asks what about him, and Cage says they were going to talk about that later. He's already beaten Angle, and there's no more second chances around here. It's him and Sting at the PPV, and he better make this count because after he beats him, there will not be a third. He demands Scotty and Tomko win the titles for him. DW runs on and says Cage is going to defend the title TONIGHT AGAINST STING WITH TEAM CAGE BANNED FROM RINGSIDE OR HE'S DQ AND STRIPPED OF THE TITLE.

Sup Russo

Match#2 Jay Lethal & Sonjay Dutt vs Alex Shelley & Kaz vs Jerry Lynn & Petey Williams vs Shark Boy & Senshi (X-Division #1 Contenders Match)
The rules are you can't tag in your own partner, and the winners will go onto a three way at the PPV. Jesus fucking Christ, Russo. Only 3 minutes to boot because Russo is on a proper one tonight. Still, every good wrestler does something insane and wild to more than make up for it, and the bad ones are kept mostly out of it. Shelley has a sweet run of offence, and fights Ki in a wonderful short battle. Big dive train happens with Ki winning out with a sick double cop springboard. Back in the ring, Dutt hits the Acid Drop, and Jay follows up with the Elbow to send them to the PPV.
**

Dutt is pissed that Jay stole the pin, but Nash comes out and tries to make peace. Dutt waves it off and walks away.

In the back, JB says Kurt has hurt his neck for the 1000000th time. Sting walks on and says he was here to settle this with Kurt, and he didn't want the shot like this but he won't walk away from it. Sting knows Cage thinks he's better, young and in his prime, but the outside isn't as important as the outside and it's Showtime,

Recap of Roode/EY.

In the ring, Roode and Brooks call out EY to show who his friend is, or else. EY comes out all scared and stuff, but he takes the mic and sings Roode's praises and says he's got all the skills to get everything in wrestling. All EY has is pro wrestling and he wants to take that away from him. The only thing more important than his family and friends is pro wrestling and his word. There's a friend whose been there for him over the last few months whose given him lots of advice, and the biggest is to fight your own battles no matter what. EY says he can fire him and take his love from him, but his word will never be broken. Roode yells at him and says he doesn't give a crap about his past, and his reason to be here is to tell him who the friend is. EY slaps him, so Roode slaps him back and demands to know. He does it again, and EY gets slapped over and over, so Roode dares him to hit him. He calls him gutless and pathetic, AND EY FINALLY PUNCHES HIM AND BEATS THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF HIM. Brooks slaps him, so EY kills her with a nasty powebomb. He goes back to kicking Roode's ass, but Brooks low blows him. Roode beats him down and kills him with a sick chair shot to the skull to bust him wide open. They handcuff him and set him up on his knees, and Roode demands to know who the friend is in 3 seconds or he's scrambling his brains. BREE WOO BREE WOOOOOOO JEFF JARRETT RUNS DOWN AS HE'S THE FRIEND AND HE KICKS ROODE IN THE DICK AND BEATS THE HELL OUT OF HIM WITH AMAZING BABYFACE OFFENCE. HE HURLS HIM TO THE FLOOR. TRACI TRIES TO LOW BLOW HIM, BUT HE CATCHES HER ARM BECAUSE HE'S BEEN HERE BEFORE AND HE GRABS HER AND SMASHES THE GUITAR OVER HER FUCKING SKULL. GOD YES. THAT'S MY SLAPNUTS. He checks on EY to close out a fantastic, fantastic angle.

At ringside, DW says EY is the only man who Jeff truly trusted and it makes sense. I would calls bullshit, but given EY probably drove JJ insane to a point where he couldn't help but love him and see him like a brother he could never truly get rid of, i can get behind it.

JB-
-Steiner and Tomko are the guests.
-Scotty loses it when JB says he's living in Cage's shadow, so he flexes his freaky muscle over JB's face and says that's casting a shadow. He knows Tomko is too stupid to read, but he and his brother won all the titles, SO CROSS YOUR I AND DOT YOUR T, YOU IDIOT
-He walks off as Tomko calls him an idiot.

Match#3 Team 3D (c) vs Scott Steiner & Tomko (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championships)
Hate that 3D are now being portrayed at fighting champs when LAX never got these chances. Konnan is on commentary and buries everyone once more, and yeah fuck them. Tomko lights them up with sick forearms and looks amazing, and then bumps around for their terrible offence because he's our new hero. He blasts Bubba in his fat face to isolate him, and the heels go to work on control as Scotty dumps him on his stupid skull and beats him down. Sadly it's a short time before D-Von's bad hot tag, and then it breaks down as 3D can't be trusted to work long matches anymore. LAX now get involved by attacking Tomko, so he takes out Homicide and walks into a reverse 3D to lose to these shitters. Yuck
**

Post match, LAX and the Collation get into a big fight and it's pretty sick.

Eye Spy Productions-
-Alex is walking along a road and finds Mr Backlund working out as he calls him a penguin walking. He walks over and asks if he remembers when Kevin beat him in 9 seconds, and says he and all the young guys could beat him in 9 seconds.
-Bob speaks very quietly and says he should ask Nash if he could beat him again, and it's proper murder psycho Backlund making his return!!!
-Alex disttacts him by telling him there's a penny on the ground, so Bob picks it up. He keeps picking things up and finds the X-Division championship under a tree and he's very confused, AND CHRIS SABIN JUMPS OUT OF THE TREE AND HAS A WRESTLING MATCH ON THE GRASS AS ALEX KEEPS SCORE. AMAZING.

JB-
-Christian is mad as hell about all of this and calls out Corny for hating him and stopping his team from getting involved. Well, he's never needed any help to win a title but given Sting's history of conducting business it would have been nice to have it as an option. Sting held the title long enough for him to have a coffee, and he's the real deal and the real worlds champion. It doesn't matter where it happens, he will remain the worlds champion.

Match#4 Christian Cage (c) vs Sting (NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Championship-If Christian is DQ he will lose the title)
Sting jumps him on the ramp like a big coward, and we get another tremendous hate filled brawl that reminds us of what TNA left on the table. Hell, even AEW could have risked it and it would have been fun with a billon pieces of nonsense, but alas. Sting kicks his butt all over the place, and shoves him off the top rope in a wild moment. Sadly, TNA cuts it all out to come back with Cage in control. Still, good shit as always, but man i hate this is on TV with parts missing. Sting fights back and does Sting things, and Cage dies over and over. He eats the Scorpion Deathlock, but he kicks out at 2.9 in a massive moment. Sting stays on him with a wicked Superplex, but Kurt returns from the dead to attack the ref and Cage for the DQ.
**1/4

Kurt kills Cage with the Angle Slam and gets the bat, AND STING STEALS IT BACK AND SMACKS KURT WITH IT TO CLOSE THE SHOW. FUCK YEAH STING.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team 3D-15/4/07

TNA IMPACT
May 3rd, 2007
Impact Zone

TONIGHT; JACKIE MOORE VS GALI KIM IN A STREET FIGHT. TEAM 3D VS RHINO & JOE

Sting makes his way out to the ring, AND KURT IS WAITING IN THE DARK WITH A CHAIR AND HE HITS HIM. FUCK YEAH. They have a pull apart as blackshirts calm it down.

In the back, Christian calls it pathetic to see two grown men fighting over him. He does say they have a gripe and he will sort this out for these two morons.

Back in the ring, Kurt and Sting yell at each other for last week, and Kurt is mad that Sting hit him with the bat, and Sting says he had it coming for getting involved in his title shot. Christian now comes out and drops the amazing "can't we all get along" line. He says JJ gave Sting a title shot he never earned and he knows it. Kurt is in fact an asshole, but he does have a point about this. But, so does Sting for having his small amount of hope taken from him. He's got an idea for tonight. Kurt and Sting team up against him and AJ Styles in a No DQ match. If one of them makes the winning pin they get the shot, but if they lose then neither one get a shot. Are they willing to roll the dice. Sting calls bullshit and says he's already got the shot, so Kurt calls him a bitch and basically forces him to accept the match.

In the back, 3D say a lot of lame and tired words about finally winning the NWA titles and being fighting champions. They will face LAX and Tomko/Steiner at the PPV. Tonight they face a bad son of a bitch in Rhino, and a man they want to see how tough he really is in Joe.

Match#1 Team 3D vs Samoa Joe & Rhino
The fans finally turn on 3D by chanting they suck, and man that's good for the damn soul. Bubba fights Joe and both men throw gross suplexes on necks and heads, and they both stand up and roar at each other in an actual cool moment. D-Von hits Joe from behind like a bitch, so Rhino attacks as it all breaks down. Rhino kills Bubba with the Gore, but Christopher Daniels runs down and hits him and D-Von with a bat for the DQ
*

Daniels slides out but lands in Joe's arms and gets choked and thrown back in to the ring. 3D hit the Wazzup drop, and then bring in a table and Rhino gores him through it. Um, why is Daniels getting smoked like a complete nothing after weeks of a solid push and an eventual big match with Sting. LOLTNA baby.

In the back, AJ yells at Cage for putting him in these matches as he doesn't want to do them. Cage calms him down and says this will be simple as they pick the bones, and then AJ will be all alone and finally get a shot. AJ yells that first Cage stole his hoodie idea and then his title shot, Cage says they match like the hoods and chest hair. Christian says he's going to be the #1 contender, so AJ hugs him before running off. Love these two so much.

Recap of Roode/EY/JJ.

In the ring, Bobby is very sad and says he hates EY and is going to fire him, so get your ass out here. Cornette comes out instead and says he told JJ to stay at home for hitting Traci with a well deserves guitar shot. He says they both should be fired for their actions, and he's stayed out of it because he didn't want to to go to court. Jim says EY has a valid TNA contract when he signed with Roode, so technically he's in breach of his contract so he could fire him. Buuut. Roode is gulity of contract tampering and he could fire him for that. Roode dares him to do it. Jim tells him to drop it and leave the kid alone so this can end. Roode calls his bluff and says he can't do anything about it, so he's getting EY fired. Jim shoves him, AND ROODE SHOVES HIM OVER AND GRABS HIM BY THE THORAT AND SCREAMS TO NEVER TOUCH HIM. EY runs for the save and beats the fuck out of him with amazing punches. He gets guitar from under the ring, but Bobby cuts him off with a sick DDT. He batters him in the corner and he and Traci cuff him to the ropes. Traci slaps him a few times as Roode tells him it pays to be roode and then smashes the guitar over his head. Jim gets back up and says he's not going to fire Roode, instead he's facing JJ at the PPV.

Amazing angle.

James Mitchell narrates the murder of Abyss and how he made and has now broken him. He says he's replaced him. OH GOD NO.

Match#2 Jackie Moore vs Gail Kim (Street Fight)
They trade gross plunder shots to start and then brawl all over the Zone, and its wild and mean as fucking hell watching these two hold nothing back as they kill each other. Gail shoves a trash can over her head and hits over and over with a bat. Jackie gets free and uses one of her own for some revenge, and even throws some nasty looking headbutts. She tries to use powder, but Gail smacks it back in he face and then hits a running dropkick to a chair to the skull to beat her.
**3/4

Storm comes out now and helps Jackie beat her up. He grabs the bottle for the kill shot, BUT HARRIS RUNS DOWN AND STANDS BETWEEN THEM AND HE PULLS THE EYE PATCH OFF AND KILLS HIM WITH A SPINEBUSTER AND SOME INSANE LEFT HANDS TO THE FACE TO RUN HIM OFF. FUCK YEAH.

In the back, VKM and Lance say words until Christy walks over and talks shit. Hate this.

WE GO BACK TO BOB VS SABIN ON THE GRASS. Bob easily beats him up, so Shelley helps Sabin turn the tide and lay him out. Shelley and Sabin pick up a book and say it's Bob's as the camera cuts away.

Match#3 AJ Styles & Christian Cage vs Sting & Kurt Angle (Title Shots on the Line)
Corny joins commentary. Awesome opening as Cage pinballs himself around for Kurt's decent looking offence, and Sting's amazing work. AJ trips Sting and rams his dick into the post to isolate him, and the Collation put on a killer control seg of mean shithead offence like pulling Sting's hair out, and talking all the crap possible. Kurt has a sick hot tag going wild on them all with suplexes and lariats. AJ LANDS ON HIS FEET FORN ONE, BUT KURT GRABS HIM AGAIN AND DROPS HIM ONTO HIS FACE. Cage drags him out and throws him into the rails to leave Sting alone, but Sting fights through as only Sting can. He hits Cage with the Deathdrop and has it won, but Kurt shoves him off the pin. They yell at each other but still work together for a time, but Cage hits them both with chair shots. They try the conchairto, but Kurt ducks and kills them again. He and Sting both get ankle locks on AJ and he taps for both of them.
**3/4

Post match, Corny gets the mic and asks the ref who AJ tapped out to. We see the replay showing no real answer, so Jim makes it a three way dance at the PPV

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
NWA-TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
NWA-TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team 3D-15/4/07

TNA IMPACT
May 10th, 2007
Impact Zone

TONIGHT; JOE/RHINO/HARRIS VS DANIELS/AJ/STORM. OK THEN. PLUS AN INTERVIEW WITH CAGE, KURT AND STING

Match#1 Homicide w/LAX vs Brother D-Von w/Brother Ray vs Scott Steiner
At least they got two out of three good team members out there. Also, Tenay announces Joe vs AJ for the PPV out of nowhere! Ci is a ball of energy right from the start as he's hurling himself all over to make the match far better than it should be. The heels team up and beat up D-Von for being the worst, and it's pretty fun watching them out cheat each other as they beat him down. They finally fight and it rocks as Ci once again dies for a mostly immobile crippled legend. Steiner and Bubba fight on the ramp as everything breaks down, and Hernandez KILLS D-Von with the Border Toss to give Ci the win.
**

Post match, Steiner throws chairs at 3D out of anger.

In the back, Scotty loses it at JB and blames this on people who suck unlike his freaks. His brother had his back, and he wouldn't have left him alone. Christy and VKM walk on arguing about stuff, and Kip again makes gross statements about her body. She demands they meet her out in the ring for some comments.

Christy now comes out as do VKM, AND THE BASHAMS FROM WWE ATTACK THEM. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK CORNETTE. Awful lame beating from these boring ass goons. One of them now has hair which makes them even more pointless and bad than they already were. They lay VKM out with chair shots to the head. Christy introduces them as Basham and Damaja. hahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. Fuck me.

They recap JJ's final title reign and his eventual return to save the day.

In the back, Bob Backlund finds JB and says those men stole his book, AND BY GOD HE WANTS THEMMMMMMMM. Jay and Nash walk on and crack some jokes and do the impression. Sonjay walk on very sad he gets no time, so JB tells him he's indeed out of time.

Match#2 Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin vs Jay Lethal & Sonjay Dutt.
HERE WE GO. Standard killer opener between all 4, but the biggest standout is how well the Guns mesh together and are magic in every aspect. Awesome double teams happens as they knee and kick Lethal's head in and drop him to isolate him. Short, but super fun control seg happens as Sabin is way better than even a month ago, and Shelley's the man as always. Dutt's hot tag is good times before everyone fights and goes ham with cool shit. Dutt hits the Stundog and sees Jay setting up the Elbow like last time, so he yells at him about it. The Gunns gets back in and kick his face in and Shelley hits the Airraid Crash to beat him.
**12

BOB BACKLUND RUNS OUT AND BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF SHELLEY. HE KILLS HIM WITH A MASSIVE THROW AND THEN HITS SABIN WITH AN ATOMIC DROP TO SEND HIM RUNNING. TENAY SHOUTS HE WON THE WORLD TITLE WITH THAT MOVE, AND YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT HE DID.

We go to the three person interviews, and we see Daniels trying to speak to Sting, and he's told to piss off. Sting says Kurt would have taken the same gift that JJ gave him, in. fact he did just that last week. Kurt says he's a liar and he did it because he has no choice. Cage messes with them by agreeing with both and driving them nuts. The best part is when Cage says he agrees with facepaint that Kurt ruined his shot. They all argue some more, and it ends with Kurt chasing after Sting for a fight.

Match#3 Samoa Joe, Chris Harris & Rhino w/Gail Kim vs AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels & James Storm w/Jackie Moore
Joe lights Storm up to start and then feeds him to Harris, but the Cowboy runs for it and makes AJ fight his battles. Sweet fight between AJ and Harris as always as they've got wicked chemistry against each other. The faces murder AJ in amazing form, and Joe is a big old dick to his old friend. Rhino gets in but is quickly isolated by Daniels, and we get some pretty cool heel exchanges beating him up. AJ and Daniels work together once more and do some cool double teams and cut offs, and it's a reminder of what we lost. Harris has a nutty fucking hot tag before it all breaks down and the faces beat the holy fuck out of these bastards. HARRIS INTERCEPTS THE BOTTLE AS JACKIE THROWS IT IN, BUT HE WAITS ONE SECOND TOO LONG AS HEBNER GRABS THE BOTTLE, AND STORM ROLLS HIM UP WITH THE TIGHTS TO STEAL IT.
**3/4

HARRIS CHASES HIM UP TO THE BALCONY AND STARES HIM DOWN AND ONCE JAMES SEES HE CAN'T ESCAPE, HE FIGHTS HIM AND THEY HAVE A SICK AS FUCK FIGHT WITH AMAZING RIGHTS AND LEFTS. HARRIS BACKDROPS STORM OFF TO THE FLOOR. FUCKING HELL YEAH.

ON THE OTHER SIDE, KURT AND STING FIGHT DOWN THE RAMP AND INTO THE RING FORN ANOTHER GREAT PULL APART. CHRISTIAN WALKS OUT AND LAUGHS THEM FIGHTING.

WHAT AN EPISODE

 

[BigVanDonnie]

Before we begin, we've got some big news

PWTorch has learned that TNA Wrestling and the NWA have agreed to a split of their partnership.
Bob Trobich, head of legal for the NWA, and Steve Campbell, head of legal for Panda Energy as representative of TNA, have negotiated to terminate the working agreement between the NWA and TNA. NWA will take back possession of the NWA Hvt. Title and NWA Tag Titles with a storyline to be set up at the Destination X PPV.
Jeff Jarrett has been the third party representing TNA during the negotiations to cease the working relationship.
There have been a lot of rules that the NWA has that TNA has not been following. As TNA has grown, and as the NWA name has become less of a marketing asset, a split was considered a strong possibility. TNA long ago stopped using the title "NWA-TNA" as its name.
TNA aligned with the NWA initially because TNA founder Jerry Jarrett, Jeff's father, believed that the "NWA" name carried credibility with the target audience for the weekly Wednesday night PPV format TNA began with. The heritage of the NWA World Title has been a marketing tool for TNA over its four-plus year history. TNA, though, did not want to abide by NWA rules such as having to notify the NWA board ahead of time when a title change was planned, use the NWA name in all marketing, and pay the NWA a fee if TNA ran an event in another NWA member's territory. For those and a variety of other reasons, an agreement to split has been reached.


Click to expand...

The split was first reported back in March and had been in the works for some time. The main issue stems from rights fees the NWA did not receive for TNA running shows in their area. In addition, TNA’s national profile increase dramatically after getting a national TV deal with Spike TV in 2005. In essence, it was only a matter of time before the split ultimately went down (this is hardly the first time the NWA separated from a major wrestling company. The two most notable examples of this were WWWF’s split from NWA in 1963, and WCW’s split in 1993).

The divorce ends a five-year association between the two wrestling properties. The licensing deal, which was renewed back in 2004, was to last for ten years. With the split, Christian Cage and Team 3D are stripped of their NWA world heavyweight and tag team championships respectively.

So there we have it, TNA is now here for real and the NWA dies off once again because it's cursed and dumb. New titles will be made for TV this week or maybe the next, but going forward everything is TNA. (until it's not, but we'll cover THAT nonsense when we get there)


TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Christian Cage-14/1/07
TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team 3D-15/4/07

TNA SACRIFICE
MAY 13TH, 2007
THE IMPACT ZONE

Another very good PPV opening video after a long streak of bad ones.

Match#1 Chris Sabin (c) vs Jay Lethal vs Sonjay Dutt (TNA X-Division Championship)
Sabin tries to get them to fight, so they put the hate aside and smoke him with cool double teams throwing him all over. Dutt and Lethal fight now and have a fun back and forth where you can feel the tension rising, and Sabin is able to attack them both with a wicked dropkick and beats both their asses. He throws Sonjay to the floor and isolates Jay for a short control seg with some killer spots and shit talking. Dutt comes back and pulls Sabin to the floor, and Jay breaks out a Savage like Axe Handle!! Sabin takes him out with a dropkick and then controls Sonjay for a time, and it's fine but not as good as the one on Jay, Jay comes back in as it all breaks down and everyone goes insane with a million spots and close calls as is the norm. Jay hits Sabin with the Elbow Drop, and Sonjay saves at the very last second. They beat the shit out of each other, and Dutt kills him with the 450 for another near fall. Sabin gets up and shoves them into each other and rolls Dutt up with the tights to win.
**3/4

Post match, Dutt and Jay fight some more, but Nash comes out and pulls them apart. Dutt kicks Nash in the back of the leg and runs off like a bitch.

JB-
-Roode and Brooks are here, and Bobby says he still owns EY and has made him stay at home. Uh, didn't we realise that was null and void last week??
-Bobby praises Jeff for being a legend, but his biggest achievement will be making Robert Roode and taking him from star to megastar. It pays to be Roode.

At the booth, Nash gets the mic and says he's not going to chase Sonjay, instead he's coming for his ass on Impact.

Earlier tonight, the Bashmans beat the shit out of BG and put him through a table. DW says he has a super severe concussion and has been taken to the hospital. Cool, match should be called off.

Hype for JJ/Roode.

Match#2 Jeff Jarrett vs Robert Roode w/Ms Brooks
ROODE ATTACKS JEFF ON THE RAMP DURING HIS INTRO AND BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM WITH THE PYRO GOING OFF. He beats him down to the ring and kicks his ass with some tremendous punches and heel work as he's finally come all the way together. The fans chant for JJ, and he comes back and unloads a goddamn babyface ass kicking fiesta on this son of a bitch, and it's so much fun watching him being all fired up. He gets him in the ring and bashes him with wild amazing looking punches, and DW mentions that Jeff has been dealing with a family illness the likes of which no one really knows the toll it has taken on him, but it has caused him to be a better man. FUCK YEAH DON. Traci distracts him for Roode to hit a lariat to the back of the head to send him into the rails arm first, and he stays on as he wreaks it and beats Jeff half to death. Insane selling from Jeff throughout as he dies for the kid and makes him look like a killer, while showing us that babyface JJ is the best version. He lifts his leg up and catches Roode in the jaw when he takes too long coming off the top, and he unloads comeback full of fire and heart against this little prick. Brooks gets involved again, and Bobby locks in the Figure Four and Traci pulls his arms to help make it worse. JJ finally gets to the ropes, but his knee is dead and Roode stays on the attack, but Jeff refuses to die and fights back again to let him know this won't be an easy night. Jeff punches him over and over in the jaw and bounces him in the ring, and even kicks him in the balls when he throws him in the air. Jeff locks in the figure four, but Brooks distracts him and he goes after her, and it lets Roode back into the match. Bobby rips the turnbuckle pad off, and they have a sweet fight over it, but nether can do it. Roode chop blocks him and crotches him against the post. He gets a chair and the ref pulls it away and accidentally smacks Bobby in the face, and Jeff nails the stroke for a 2.9 count as Traci pulls the ref out. She gets kicked out for all her bullshit, but back in the ring Roode decks JJ with handcuffs, BUT JEFF KICKS OUT. WOOOO. Bobby now gets the guitar, but the ref pulls it away and shoves him into JJ. They counter each others finishers, AND ROODE KICKS JEFF INTO THE EXPOSED BUCKLE AND HITS THE PERFECT PLEX TO WIN. That was rad.
***1/4

Post match, Bobby gets the mic and says he just shocked the world. Two weeks ago he left EY with a guitar around his neck, and now it's Jeff's turn. He goes for the shot, but Jeff double legs him and locks in the figure four. Traci comes back and goes to hit Jeff, but EY runs out and locks her in the figure four for some double finish fun.

In the back, Christian is hosting a victory party as Letica asks if it's a little pre-mature for this. Cage says it's a real easy night for him and the Collation. Steiner loses it and says Tomko isn't even here, and he's going to hold Cage responbile if he's not here. Cage says he never takes responsibility because that's how he rolls. Steiner warns him again. AJ walks up and says Joe and his little towel can't scare him, and his friends have his back, right guys. They don't answer, so AJ is very sad. Christian says he's going to get them to destroy each other before the match even starts. He walks off as AJ follows like a puppy dog.

Match#3 Christopher Daniels vs Rhino
Daniels is wearing a Sting mask and has the bat, once again showing that Russo is a master of subtly. Also, the master of booking Rhino against a hot heel because he's got no other real fall guys. Fine little opener of Rhino kicking his butt with some classic fine as fuck Rhino work, and Daniels does some ok bumping in return as he's not seeming to care tonight. He finally rams Rhino into a post to hurt his shoulder and goes to work on it, and he's better working a limb and doing some trash talk at least. Not the most exciting work as it's kicks and arm twisting, so again i'm not sure why he's dogging it when he's getting a push against Sting. Rhino fires off a Gore but his fucked shoulder stops the full impact of it, and Daniels kicks out. They move into the finishing run at half pace and not caring on either side, and hey i hate them both right now. Daniels sneaks in a bat shot to the skull to thankfully end this turd of a match.
3/4*

Post match, Rhino gets the mic and says he not here to be cheated or lose, and he's getting his ass. He chases him off to the back, and finally brings him out all bloody and dead. He kills him with a shot the head with a chair. He goes for the Rhino Driver on some chairs, but refs save and drag Daniels away. Way to make him look like a bigger loser on the way to facing the biggest legend they have.

Hype for VKM/Bashams

In the back, Kip refuses to forfeit even with BG in the hospital, and Lance not being there yet. He screams a lot and promises to fight them both alone. Ah, fuck me.

Match#4 Damaja & Basham w/Christy Hemme vs Kip James
I assume this is Jim Cornette's match he fought to have on the card because there are few boring shithead OVW guys he loved more than these two jerks. This awful as the Bashams do lame boring offence, and Gunn is a lazy old washed fuck. The control is terrrrrrible as the punches miss by a mile, and they look gassed. Kip no sells everything as he makes a bad comeback, but they cut him off with a horrible looking Sit out powerbomb and an even worse looking diving headbutt to beat him.
POOP.

Post match, they beat him up some more for being alive, and one of them hits the Rough Ryder in a funny moment. Lance Hoyt finally shows up and runs them off.

Hype for Storm/Harris.

In the back, Chris Harris is walking to the ring when Leticias tops him. He turn around to show he's wearing an AMW shirt!!! She asks what's going through his mind, and he looks at the shirt and says this is what's going through it. AMW meant something when it was the heart and soul that they put into the team. Well, he thinks Storm must have forgotten about it because 5 months ago he ended it. All he had to do was ask, brother, and it would have been fine. HE CHOSE TO END IT BY TRYING TO END HIS CAREER AND TAKING A BEER BOTTLE UPSIDE HIS EYE. HE WOKE UP EVERY DAY WONDERING IF HE WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE TODAY AND IF HE COULD HAVE HIS CAREER BACK. Listen real close, Storm, there is a difference between revenge and payback, he's had a taste of payback but tonight he's getting REVENGE. For 5 months he lived a nightmare, tonight his nightmare becomes HIS.

Goddamn what a promo. Sums it all up, and furthers Chris Harris as a future star of TNA.

Match#5 Chris Harris vs James Storm w/Miss Jackie (Texas DeathMatch)
CHRIS HARRIS RIPS THE AMW SHIRT OFF AND WALKS STORM DOWN AND DARES HIM TO FIGHT ON THE RAMP, AND STORM MEETS HIM FOR A SIIICK PUNCH OFF. Harris strangles him with the infamous handcuffs around the throat and beats his ass into the crowd. They fall super hard over the rail to thud on the ground and get right back throwing wicked shots, and it's the most real feeling fight you could possibly want. They fight up the steps and Storm returns fire with insane punches of his own and rams him into a chain link fence, but Harris powers through and kicks his ass in revenge. He smacks his head off a fence over and over, and Storm is a punching bag for all of it. James gets free and falls down a flight of steps as Harris slowly follows him down. Storm throws a beer into his face to try and cut him off, but Harris fights back again and throws him though a wall. Harris gets a beer and down into the ring, AND HE CLIMBS TO THE TOP AND HITS A FUCKING DIVE OVER THE RAIL ONTO STORM. Jesus christ. Harris gets the first fall off of it, and Storm is dead but manages to get back up into the fray, but his shoulder is badly messed up as he's holding it close. They fight back into the ring and Storm throws a chair at his head to send him upside down in the corner, AND STORM MURDERS HIM WITH A CHAIR SHOT RIGHT TO THE GODDAMN FACE, AND HE EVEN HURTS HIS SHOULDER MORE OFF THE IMPACT OF IT AS HE KNEELS DOWN HOLDING IT. AMAZING. Harris' entire head and chest is covered in blood in a gruesome scene, and Storm punches at it over and over. He sets a table up and tries a rana off the top,. but Harris holds on and Storm lands on his bad shoulder once more. Harris tackles him and sets him underneath the table and catapults him head first into the table to bounce his face off i, and his head is ripped open in an even uglier cut. Harris tries to suplex him, but Storm punts him in the dick like a complete fucking coward, and uses the Eye of the Storm to send Harris through the table to get a 3. Harris uses the ropes to get up at 9, and is met with a punch to the face to knock him down again. Storm tries to get a table out and falls on his ass as he's got nothing left, and it's a fantastic moment in the midst of this war. He sets it up and gets back in for another punch off. They fight on the apron, and Storm nails a gross DDT to drop him again. Storm gets back out to the ring and throws a trash can in, and gets back on the apron, AND HARRIS RUNS AT HIM AND SPEARS HIM THROUGH THE TABLE, AND THERE'S A FUCKING POOL OF BLOOD WHEN THEY LAND. Both men somehow get back up to their feet and fight over a chair and Storm KILLS him with the superkick to drive it into his head, and Harris kicks out. Jesus man. Storm smacks him over the head with the trash can lid, but Harris gets one and smacks him back and they go to war killing each other's brains. Harris cuts him off and hits the Catatonic through a trash can, and Storm fucking kicks out. Jackie attacks Harris, but Gail comes and cuffs her wrists and drags her away. THEY BOTH GET BEER BOTTLES AND STUMBLE OVER TO EACH OTHER, AND HARRIS IS THE FASTER MAN AS HE BREAKS IT OVER STORM'S FACE IN THE FINAL ACT OF REVENGE. HE LETS OUT A MASSIVE SCREAM AND WATCHES THE GLASS CRUMBLE IN HIS HAND, AND THEN MAKES THE PIN. STORM TRIES TO GET UP BUT HE FALLS BACK DOWN AND HARRIS WINS.
*****

An absolute masterpiece to end a blood feud. The fact it happened in 2007 being booked by Vince Russo is beyond comprehension, but that's neither here nor there. It's a perfect, perfect match and everything we love about this stupid obsession of ours. WATCH IT




We cut away from that to find a bloody Daniels trying to talk to Sting. The audio is broken and bad, so we can't hear it at first. It comes back on to Sting giving him a dressing down like a dad, so Daniels walks off like a big bitch. Sting shouts Showtime a lot.

We come back to the ring where the blood is being cleaned. Mike and DW ask and get some replays of it.

Match#6 Alex Shelley vs Jerry Lynn vs Senshi vs Tiger Mask
10 minute spot fest to hopefully keep the crowd alive after the last match. Would have been better just to run Ki/Shelley, but TNA is going to TNA. Still, this is a fun time as Ki and Shelley are super excited to fight TM, so we get a lot of cool exchanges between them. Lynn is Lynn still thinking it's 98, so he sucks against him of course. Shelley is the standout as meshes perfectly with him, and helps out by being a shithead on top of it. It all breaks down as always and we get some good and not so good spots as is the norm. TNA decided to have Lynn beat Shelley with a roll through after a Sunset Flip. Fuck me.
*3/4

Post match. Shelley beats the old man up, and Sabin joins in the attack like a loaded machine gun. Bob Backlund runs down for the save and runs these young punks off.

Hype for the tag title match.

Match#7 Team 3D (c) vs Scott Steiner & Tomko vs LAX w/Konan (TNA World Tag Team Championships)
3D are both wearing shirts and look awful as hell. Steiner mostly beats them up to start with LAX's help from the outside, and it's a nice moment for the heart watching them get beaten. The heel fight amongst themselves for a little bit, and it's not bad at all, and i hope we get a proper match one day. 3D fight back with their lazy tired offence that's legit the same 5 spots each time. Hernandez thankfully cuts off the tables with a sick dive onto D-Von to take him out. Tomko and Steiner fight Ci and nearly beat him, but they argue like dicks and mess it up. Tomko accidentally kicks Steiner in the face, and then walks into a 3D for the loss. Awful match.
3/4*

Post match, Scotty and Tomko trade blows, and Rick Steiner makes the save for his brother. Hhahahaha he's super fat and can hardly move, so this is a great idea.

In the back, Kurt is standing in the green strobe lights. He makes fun of Sting for buying face paint and being a freaking clown. He cuts the light off and smacks a door and says it's nothing speicial just like Sting. He's a wrestler not a painted fraud and he's going to scold him like a gym teacher. It's damn real.

Well the last 20 has been terrible, time for AJ to get us back on track like always.

Hype for AJ/Joe calling them both the next generation and they are TNA. Of course, they aren't fighting for the world title like they should be... Still, worse things they could have been called.

Match#8 AJ Styles vs Samoa Joe
DW dubs them both the future of pro wrestling for years to come, and my man is correct as always. Joe is wearing the tights from Turning Point in a fantastic call back. AJ gets his legs taken out by Joe, and then thrown over the ring by Joe and has his legs swept out in a sick moment. Joe stays on the attack as he's batters him with his amazing strikes. AJ rolls over Joe's back and tries a dropkick, BUT JOE SIDESTEPS HIM AND KICKS HIM IN THE BACK AND AJ FLIES OUT BETWEEN THE ROPES, AND JOE FOLLOWS WITH THE ELBOW SUICDA TO KNOCK AJ INTO THE CROWD. AJ comes back to life and tries to launch off the rail, but Joe throws him jaw first into the apron to kill him. Joe decks him with 3 punches to the jaw to knock him to the floor, and AJ fakes a hurt elbow and sucks the ref in as Joe is calling bullshit, and AJ slips in an eye poke to Joe. Joe is now pissed as he chases after him and fucks him up on the outside and tries the Ole, but AJ cuts him off with a lariat and shouts he is TNA. AJ gets back in and nails dat dropkick to send Joe crashing down and finally isolates him. AJ cheats up a storm while throwing amazing strikes, and it's a wild sight to see AJ being in control, but it works incredibly well thanks to the freakish talents of both. AJ takes his head off with a spin kick to catch him in the temple! Joe is on the backfoot throughout and can't follow up when he does get something in, and AJ is able to keep beating him up. He nails the forearm to the back of the skull and then the Stlyn' DDT for a near fall. AJ tries the clash, but Joe kicks him in the face and hits a disgusting DVD to crush AJ's neck for another near fall. Joe misses a charge and falls to the floor and grabs at his thigh when he lands, and DW shouts it made a very weird sound when he landed. He gets back in and kicks AJ in the head, but he actually falls when he tries to run and DW shouts he thought it was a possum play. AJ GOES FOR THE SPIRAL TAP, BUT JOE ROLLS AWAY AND STANDS UP AND SHAKES HIS LEGS AND ARMS OFF AND THEN

AJ realise he's fucked, and tries to punch him, but Joe ducks and locks in the choke and then hits a sweet Sleeper Suplex to win.
***1/2

Hype for the main event

Match#9 Christian Cage (c) vs Kurt Angle vs Sting (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
Sting and Kurt throw Cage away so they can fight, and it's a sick epic type battle for a minute or so. Cage is bought back in by Sting and beaten up by both for his crimes, and it's fun as hell as no one is a better creepy little bastard than him. Kurt and Sting fight more, AND KURT HITS THE ANGLE SLAM ON THE RAMP 3 MINUTES IN. HAHAHAHA DUDE. Christian and Angle now fight and it's good as always, but that one really took me out. Still, fun battle between them with Cage wearing him down working on the bad neck. Kurt gets sick of selling and fires back with a ton of German's, and poor Cage gets whiplash on each one. Sting comes back to life to save, and then they move into finisher counters and whatnot. Kurt gets both of them in a double Angle Lock for one of the silliest Kurt moments ever. The silliness contiunes when Sting rolls Christian up, and then Kurt locks in the Angle Lock. One ref counts the pin while a second one sees Sting tapping out and calls for the bell.
*

Post match, JB announces Kurt as the new champion as the crowd is dead and shocked what just transpired.

A mostly fantastic show with some true LOLTNA moments in between a gosh darn classic. Wouldn't have it any other way

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Kurt Angle-13/5/07
TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team 3D-15/4/07

TNA IMPACT
May 17th, 2007
Impact Zone

We open the show with Angle, Sting and Cage all talking about the main event claiming they won. i sense fuckery is afoot.

Kurt makes his way out as Tenay explains the breakup with the NWA and how it has lead to the first ever TNA champion being crowned. Kurt has the new title around his waist and it's pretty as hell

Really perfect design. Anyway, Kurt talks as the fans chant for Christian Cage. Sting comes out and admits that Kurt did indeed made him tap, but he also had Cage pinned at the same time. He's not sure which happened first, but there's a big fat question mark over it. Cage now comes out and says they pride themselves on doing the right thing, and so does he. They think they have a claim to the title, but the rule book states if there is no clear cut winner, the title stays with the champion and that's him. He walks down and says the right thing to do is to get in there and strap the title back on his waist. Cornette now shows up and says no matter what he says, Cage was flat on his back and not the words champion. He looks at Sting and says he has all the respect in the world for him, but he tapped and not champion. He takes the belt from Kurt as he says he's not the champion either. He wants a franchise as the champion who stands out as the man, and maybe it's time for some new blood in the mix. He praises Rhino, Joe as guys who have mowed everyone down. Cage freaks out and says he's beaten all of them, and Corny says he shouldn't have a problem beating them again. Corny makes a 10 man tournament with the 5 winners going to KOTM for the now vacant title.

JB-
-JB is is with Daniels. He explains that Daniels has requested an open invitational first blood match tonight. Oh, hi Vince.
-Chris says there's no logic as only consequence is real, and Sting understands that even if won't admit it.
-So, i guess the feud is back on, sadly.

In the crowd, EY hangs out with a mascot.

Match#1 Motor City Machienguns vs Jerry Lynn & Tiger Mask
They don't have the name yet, but fuck it they're together and here, so it counts. Tenay brings up Backlund's stolen book and how he's very mad. Fun opening as always thanks to the Guns carrying the old man, and doing cool stuff with TM to even it out. The Guns isolate TM with a dropkick/STO combo, and then Sabin KILLS Lynn with a sick dropkick to send him to the floor. Super fun control on TM thanks to Shelley being a little bastard doing most of the cool work, and Sabin gets in on the fun with cool stuff of his own. They take out Lynn again when he tries to help. The guns with the AS/CS Rush.
**1/2

Post match, Lynn tries to fight them, but they double team and kick his teeth in. Backlund tries to save, but he gets beaten up as well. Jay Lethal runs down for the save as he beats them both up.

In a pre-tape, Mitchell talks about wrestling being a shark cage that very can ever survive, just ask Abyss. He drove a nail into his own coffin, and now he's a non factor and shall be replaced by a killing machine with no pain and brain. He's going to carpet bomb TNA.

JB-
-Kevin says he's hear to get even, and Dutt walks over and tries to kiss up and says sorry. His emotions got the best of him, and he's been like a father to him and he's truly sorry. They shake hands, and Nash pulls him in and says next time he won't be so forgiving.

Raven and his droogs come out to accept Daniels challenge

Match#2 Christopher Daniels vs Raven w/Serotonin (First Blood Match)
Raven uses plunder to beat Daniels up, and looks SUPER slow and bad. Daniels cuts him off with a STO and lazily beats his face against a chair trying to bust him open. Raven fights out and uses a broken stick to drive into his head, but Daniels kicks him in the balls and uses it to cut Raven open in maybe 2 minutes.
Fuck Off

Post match, Daniels headbutts the cut and does his stupid pose and then leaves. The droogs gets in, and Kaz laughs at Raven and demands he get to him, so Raven drops to his knees. The other two stop him from doing it, and Raven gets back up and spits on Kaz and piefaces him. Kaz smirks at him like an asshole and walks off. Well, that was very terrible.

JB-
-Sting isn't going anywhere as he's been around the block a few times, and he's got a few more in him.
-Daniels walks on and says he's following the path Sting told him to, but Sting is very confused and says he's not sure what he's talking about as that's not what he said to him at all.
-Daniels says he was once lost, but it seems like Sting is now lost, and he walks off.

Recap of Roode/JJ.

EY now comes out in a very happy mood about his good friend JJ teaching him to stand up for himself and for what is right He thanks the fans for their support by standing up for him, and they chant Super Eric to foreshadow something bad. He says he's free at last, but Roode now comes out and calls him little buddy and to hold the phone on that. EY did put hands on him and he could take wrestling away from hm for that and fire him. Bobby says the rules have changed and says he's still under contract and he still owns him. He says he's not going to fire him, but he's going to need a good lawyer because he's suing him for every cent he has. EY rubs the contract over his ass in response, so Roode decks him. EY gets back up and kicks his ass, but gets distracted by Brooks. Roode beats him up some more, and the mascot gets up on the ring and flips him off. A fan gives EY a chair, and he swings it at Roode and chases him off.

Well, this now sucks without JJ involved.

Kurt Angle comes out for his match, and after the break we see it's Rhino facing him.

Match#3 Kurt Angle vs Rhino (KOTM Qualifying Match)
Rhino does Rhino things to start and puts Kurt on his ass a few times and shouts "whose the man" and it's a nice call to arms for the big man. Kurt keeps getting beaten down and can't get a thing going as Rhino shuts him down over and over. Rhino gets a near fall off a superplex, and Kurt is cooked. Angle won't die because he's insane, so he hits a German and goes for another, but Rhino cuts him off with Belly to Belly. Rhino sets up a Gore, but Kurt kicks him in the face and hits the Angle Slam to pull the win out of his ass.
**

In the back, Corny makes Sting vs Joe for the main event next week. YESSSSSSSS. The Steiner's kick the door in and carry it over as Scotty demands 3D in the ring next week, and Corny says he smells money so they can have it. Rick leaves the door against his desk and apologises before leaving.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion; Vacant-17/5/07
TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin-14/1/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team 3D-15/4/07

TNA IMPACT
May 24th, 2007
Impact Zone

TONIGHT JOE VS STING ONE ON ONE FOR THE NEXT SPOT IN KOTM.

After the intro, Mike announces LAX VS CAGE AND TOMOKO OUT OF NOWHERE. Goddamn it, man. Build something as cool as this, please.

Team 3D make their way out carrying the new tag titles

Not too shabby as TNA is 2 for 2 on the new belts.

Bubba gets the mic and says they heard the Steiner's wanted to talk, so come on out. They make their way out, and Rick looks to be in pain even walking to the ring. Bubba kisses up and says they're one of the best teams ever who paved the way for them. He asks the fans to give them a standing ovation, and Scotty calls them fatasses and tells the rednecks to sit down and shut up. He doesn't need to be told how good they are with their legacy, unlike theirs. They haven't beaten anyone these fans would ever know. He says they were the first WCW tag champions and spent their careers there, and he never saw them get in the ring while they were there. He brings up the ECW titles and says they actually defended them all around the world in Japan and Korea, unlike these jokers who never left the bingo hall. He's got no problems if they called themselves city champs or bingo hall champs, and they should know it by the pay they got. They've beaten nobody, and Rick pulls a paper out and lists off a bunch of legends they beat over the years. Steiner says they're all hall of fame teams and they beat them ALL.

Bubba cuts him off and says he respects them unlike these punk kids who have no respect. They are the fucking Steiner's and they appreciate it, and he needs to realise they actually like them. Steiner says their legacy ain't shit. D-Von gets the mic and says Bubba put them on the pedestal and they were a great team of their era, but they've never beaten them. Scotty challenges them for the PPV for the titles so they can kick their asses. Bubba says he hopes they kick their ass, so the world can say 3D took a beating and the best they could be offered and still won. Everyone seems to agree to the match.

Truly a good build to something that will no doubt be terrible.

In the back, Leticia is with Cage and Tomko. She says Tomko has been talking about them teaming more together, and Cage says Tomko called her fat. Christian says he's not a tag team wrestler and no one is good enough to be by his side. Tomko calls him a former champ, so Cage calls him a funny boy and says Corny has it out against him. Tomko says it's because of his huge mouth this happened, and maybe he should shut up. Cage get mad and demands to know who he's facing in his KOTM match, and Tomko laughs and says he has a clue and would tell him if he had given him that title shot a few months ago.

Recap of the VKM/Hemme trash.

in the back, JB is with Kip and Lance.
-Kip says all eyes are on Lance and it's time for him to step up to reach the lights they've been grooming him for. Lance says TNA hasn't given him a thing, but they have and he's not going to let him down. He warns Christy that he's not afraid to hit a girl.

Match#1 Kip James & Lance Hoyt vs Damaja & Basham w/Christy Hemme
EWWWWWWWW. Pile of trash once more because they all stink and suck. Tons of bad offence, selling and bumping as pro wrestling isn't allowed with these men. Lance picks Christy up and takes her to back, but leaves Kip alone lime a big idiot. The bashams beat him again.
1/5*

JB-
-Samoa Joe says he's back in a familiar place with no purpose or direction, until tonight when he faces Sting. He is going to realise there will be no camera, no lights and Sting will see there will be only action. He respects who he is, but he will break what he is because he is in HIS way. It's showtime.

JB-
-Roode talks about KOTM and says Corny has promised a chance to the top ten men in TNA, and he's the top dog and he's going to be the next TNA world champion. No one will stop him.
-EY has one week to answer his letter or things will get very ugly as he takes his career and every single dime he's ever made in his life.

Match#2 LAX w/Konnan vs Christian Cage & Tomko
DW talks about how LAX were the kings a few short months ago and it's all gone. so now is about proving they can still sit on the throne. Dude just NAILS this with so much ease. Hector watches at ringside. Cage fights LAX to start and both matchups rock a ton. Ci plays the face fighting against them with speed and heart, and it's a perfect natural fit as we know. Tomko beats the piss out of him with cool power moves like a sick gorilla press, and Cage is a cheating little coward peppering in shots and being a wonderful ass about it all. Konnan and Hector argue a bit to take away from the very fun match happening. Hernandez finally gets in with a sweet flying shoulder block as he murders Cage with all his killer offence, and looks like a proper monster against him. HE BACKDROPS HOMICIDE INTO THEM IN A WICKED DOUBLE TEAM. Ci stupidly gets out and yells at Hector, and the heels swarm Hernandez and drop him with a Big Boot and the Frog Splash to steal the win.
**3/4

Post match, Konnan punches Hector in the face and chokes him with his crutch. Hector gets back up and challenges them fight, and Chris Harris and Rhino run down to have his back in a super weird duo. LAX back off and leave.

JB-
-Kurt Angle says he can't stand Sting and Joe, and they lost his respect a long time ago. Unlike them going around using bats and chairs, he's an honourable man who will tell someone what he's going to do before he does it. So, maybe he'll see them out there.

Match#3 Samoa Joe vs Sting (KOTM Qualifying Match)
DW covers the history of these two as he's the best ever. Wicked feeling out to start as it's slow and focused as they both jokey for anything. They try their submissions but they both fight out, and it's a cool to see the actual desperation to get free as they scramble like hell. Joe blinks first and punches him in the face as DW says he's going back to basics, and Joe lays in more shots, but Sting fires back with ones of his own. Sadly, Daniels walks down to watch at ringside. Joe catches Sting with a kick to the chest to drop him, and we come to him in control grinding Sting down with super mean knees and back work. We see during the break that Sting told Daniels to leave, but he refused. Joe keeps the ass kicking up, and Sting takes massive bumps for him as Joe beats him worse and worse. Sting manages to fire off a Death Drop out of nowhere to stop him. Daniels throws in the bat, but Sting refuses to use it and shoves Daniels off the apron. Joe tries a dropkick but Sting holds onto the ropes, and Joe eats shit as he lands. Daniels gets back up and hits Sting in the back with the bat, and Joe gets back up and hits a Samoan Drop to win. WOAH.
**1/2

NEXT WEEK; AJ STYLES VS JEFF JARRETT IN THE NEXT KOTM. FUCK YEAH.