UFC 125: Resolution

[monkeystyle]

Woeful Writers Extraordinaire: a W.W.E. Soap Opera - Episode 2

Batista is shown in the WWE Cafeteria area, scarfing down three trays of food. Finlay is sitting there with him.

BATISTA: Ummm... yum yum... hey Finlay, you should really try these mesquite barbequed California condor wings. They're delicious!!

FINLAY: Condor wings?! Aren't condors an endangered species?!

BATISTA: (growing quiet) Keep this hush hush, but uh... I got a guy.

FINLAY: Ohh.... say man. How do you keep yourself in such great shape, even though you eat more than Mark Henry?

At that moment, Mark Henry lumbers by.

HENRY: I RESENT THAT!! Hey, wait a minute, is that a baby?

He spots Little Bastard rummaging in a nearby trash can. In one swift motion, he picks him up by the head and devours the squealing leprachaun whole, as Batista and Finlay look on in shock.

HENRY: Mmmmm... nothing like baby back ribs. Who says adults can't have kid's meals?

Henry pats his belly and continues walking. Meanwhile, Dave deposits his lunch onto Finlay's shirt.

BATISTA: BLLLLLEEEEEEEEGGHGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

FINLAY:

BATISTA: (wiping his mouth) To answer your question... I'm bulemic.

FINLAY: Oh. ****, now I gotta get myself cleaned up.

BATISTA: Sorry man. Hey, that doesn't mean my push is gone, does it? I'll buy you a new shirt.

FINLAY: Don't worry my boy. You've paid your dues.

BATISTA:

Finlay gets up and heads toward the regular lockerroom to clean up. On the way, he passes C.M. Punk, who is engaged in a discussion with Kenny Dykstra.

FINLAY: Oh hey, Punk. (chuckles to himself) I love how I can call you that and you can't get mad even then I really am insulting you. Anyway, you got the memo about your match change for the next ECW taping, right?

CM: (suspiciously) No.... what change?

FINLAY: Well, apparently, there was a glitch in your standing at the Rumble match. You were supposed to be in for only thirty seconds, not thirty minutes. I guess someone put the decimal in the wrong place, but it's okay, because to make up for it, we're jobbing you clean to Mike Knox.

CM: WHAT???? I thought he got fired!!

FINLAY: Oh, he will be, but not until after the show. In fact, that reminds me to tell him that. I'll let him know just before you match, so that he can professionally channel his disappointment into a great match with you. Catchya later, sport!

Finlay walks off briskly as CM stands there, shocked.

CM: (turning back to Dykstra) Can you believe that jerk? I'm the most over wrestler in this company, and they're gonna job me out to a guy they're firing tomorrow!!

KENNY: Yeah, well, that sucks. But at least you don't wear bright pink wrestling trunks that are so loud Mick Foley can hear them out of his missing ear.

CM: Heh. Man, this because I'm straight edge. No drugs, no booze, no sex.

KENNY: Wait, but you're totally ****ing Maria. What do you mean no sex?

CM: I meant with other men. Hence the STRAIGHT part. Duhhhhhh.

KENNY: Oh, right....

CM: You're right though. Knowing I get to go home with that hot piece of ass makes everything better.

KENNY: Yeah. I feel the same way about Mickie.

CM: She's pretty hot too. But not as hot as Maria.

KENNY: Take that back!!

CM: Hey man, I'm just saying. Mickie's been in porn. Maria really is sweet and charming and innocent. Or well... she was... before she met me...

And she still has a tight pussy.

KENNY: Hey man. Mickie James has a better rack.

CM: Tight pussy!

KENNY: Better rack!!

CM: TIGHT PUSSY!!!

KENNY: BETTER RACK!!!

Suddenly, the two go at it, tumbling to the ground and pulling at each other's hair.

CM: TIGHT PUSSY!!

KENNY: BETTER RACK!!!

Punk hurls Kenny into a table full of pies, then launches himself at Kenny and through the table. The two stumble through several other pieces of furniture, smearing cream everywhere, before smashing into the fire alarm.

CM: TIGHT PUSSY!!

KENNY: BETTER RACK!!!

This triggers the sprinklers, which shower Punk and Dykstra with water. Suddenly, everything goes to slow motion as the two engage in several homoerotic wrestling moves. Pan to Ric Flair and Triple H staring on by the doorway in shock.

HHH: I told you that CM Punk was a queer. And they thought he'd be the next me.

FLAIR: WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Nobody can be the next you baby!! You're marvelous! Fantastic! Amazing! Superhuman!!!!

HHH: I know.

Hey, lets get to my office. It's almost four and I have my meeting with Cena.

The two walk to Hunter's office (well, Triple H hobbles). Once inside, Helmsley makes a motion to his friend.

HHH: It's supposed to be just me and Cena, so he can't know you're sticking around. Why don't you hide behind that big flabby curtain over to blend in.

FLAIR: WOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SPYING AND PROFILING!!! YEAH BABY!!! SUPER NAITCH WILL BE WATCHING SECRETLY!!!

HHH: And for Vince's sake, keep it quiet while you're behind there! We don't want John knowing anything!!

FLAIR: Woooooo...

HHH: Quiet.

FLAIR: Wooo....

HHH: (sighing) Good enough. Now go!

Flair hustles behind the curtain just as there's a knock on the door.

HHH: Enter!

Cena saunters in with his belt on his shoulder.

HHH: Have a seat, John. Want anything to drink?

CENA: I'm cool. The devotion of my loving teenage girl fans on MySpace is enough to quench my thirst and keep me going.

HHH: Um... okay... Anyway, Pops and I were discussing who you could bury next, and we came up with a really great list. You'll love it. In fact, I think you'll find it a pleasant... SURPRISE.

CENA: Surprise, eh? I like surprises. So what is it?

HHH: Well, why don't you open up that closet door and see....?

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

[dxfan12]

that was funny man good work....

 

[Smackdown Fan]

Nice man very funny

 

[The Rated "R" Superstar]

Dude this is great.....you need to turn this into an actual show lol......I'd watch every single day. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! quiet! wooo! LOL good stuff! Oh and definitely better rack by the way. LOL! You're my hero man. If we do have an awards poll sometime soon you are winning funniest member....for sure!

 

[JJdaBuckeye]

lol. nice man. this is hilarious

 

[Travis40]

:laugh:

 

[Rush]

UFC 125: Resolution
Date: Jan 01, 2011
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada
Venue: MGM Grand Garden Arena
Broadcast: Pay-per-view

MAIN CARD

* Frankie Edgar vs. Gray Maynard (for lightweight title)
* Chris Leben vs. Brian Stann
* Thiago Silva vs. Brandon Vera
* Nate Diaz vs. Dong Hyun Kim
* Takanori Gomi vs. Clay Guida

PRELIMINARY CARD

* Marcus Davis vs. Jeremy Stephens
* Josh Grispi vs. Dustin Poirier
* Phil Baroni vs. Brad Tavares
* Mike Brown vs. Diego Nunes
* Daniel Roberts vs. Greg Soto
* Antonio McKee vs. Jacob Volkmann
​

 

[The Nicker]

Chris Leben is back! Dude, the Crippler and Brian Stann is gonna' be one Hell of a match. That actually should be the main event, if it wasn't for Maynard and Edgar being somewhat big names.

 

[Ben]

Everyone seems to be going with Maynard, but I'm going to go with Frankie by KO, if he keeps the fight standing up for the majority of the time he'll take it.

Plus for the event is that Brittney Palmer makes your UFC debut erv:

 

[Rush]

i'm backing Edgar by decision but it'll be very close.

 

[Rush]

Weigh in results

MAIN CARD (Pay-per-view)

• Champ Frankie Edgar (155) vs. Gray Maynard (155)
• Chris Leben (186) vs. Brian Stann (186)
• Nate Diaz (170) vs. Dong Hyun Kim (171)
• Takanori Gomi (155) vs. Clay Guida (156)
• Thiago Silva (206) vs. Brandon Vera (205)

PRELIMINARY CARD (Ion Television)

• Marcus Davis (156) vs. Jeremy Stephens (156)
• Josh Grispi (146) vs. Dustin Poirier (145)
• Phil Baroni (186) vs. Brad Tavares (185)

PRELIMINARY CARD (Untelevised)

• Mike Brown (146) vs. Diego Nunes (146)
• Daniel Roberts (171) vs. Greg Soto (171)
• Antonio McKee (156) vs. Jacob Volkmann (156)

 

[Rush]

My Preview

Frankie Edgar vs Gray Maynard - UFC Lightweight Title Fight

This is a classic matchup of a striker (Edgar) vs a wrestler (Maynard). Neither fighter is known for having big KO power. Edgar having had 8 of his 13 wins coming via decision and Maynard having 8 of his 10 wins also via decision. What they both do is wear you down, grind you out every round. This isn't a bad thing in the case of Edgar, his boxing is among the best in the 155 lbs division and he's always active with head movement, feints and jabs but in Maynard's case he tends to take the Jon Fitch approach of wrestling someone down and doing the minimum he can to avoid the fight getting stood back up.

This is a rematch of their first meeting back in 2008 where Maynard came out on top with the decision win. This time, Edgar has the belt and he's come forward in leaps and bounds since that loss. This will be a very close fight, we know what both fighters are going to do, the only doubt that remains is how Edgar will be able to stuff the takedowns of Maynard to keep this fight standing. If he can't keep it standing then he'll lose. Maynard is very good at controlling posture on the ground and will be content to pick up points each round with the takedown. Maynard is a bigger, stronger fighter but his striking isn't on the same level as Edgar. Edgar showed in the BJ fights that he is very adept at hitting quick combinations and then ducking back to the outside to keep the distance.

Prediction - Edgar via decision. Will be a close decision.


Chris Leben vs. Brian Stann

​

Leben should take this fight easily. He’s a much more experienced fighter and he is heading towards a few bigger name fights if he can get past Stann here. However, Stann isn’t one to be slept on. If Leben fucks up, which he is prone to doing if he gets tagged a couple of times then he definitely has the ability to ruin the work Leben has done in heading up the MW ladder.

Prediction - Leben via KO

Brandon Vera vs Thiago Silva

Really don’t care about this fight at all. Vera needs to win this to avoid the cut, Silva needs to win this to get back towards the top of the division. One thing is for sure, this won’t be a fight on the ground. Both are good strikers and will keep this on the feet. I’m hoping for a swift KO but I’m not feeling it.

Prediction - Silva via decision

Nate Diaz vs Dong Kyun Kim

Hoping for a Diaz win here, he has been on a roll since moving out of the LW division and hopefully this is another step towards staying at 170 and moving towards fights with higher profile fighters. Kim comes into this fight undefeated, with his loss to Parysian turned into a no contest due to Karo’s positive test to painkillers. He is a solid fighter with a judo background but I’m not sure he wants to be in the guard of Diaz, a skilled BJJ fighter.

Diaz will look to fight how he usually does, lots of punches, high activity and hopefully will wear down Kim and pick up the win. If this goes to the ground at all in this fight I see Diaz picking up the win via submission. He is too skilled for Kim to want any piece of him on the mat.

Prediction - Diaz via decision

Clay Guida vs GOMIIIIIII TAKANORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII [/crazy pride lady ]

This should be the fight of the night imo. Both guys will come hard, Gomi wants to earn a title shot and Guida is always fighting at an insane pace. Guida will be looking to push Gomi all the way here, he’s not as skilled but his gas tank is epic. If he forces Gomi to fight his fight then Gomi will tire and enable Guida to land more shots, take him down and try and submit him, or just pound him out.

Gomi on the other hand will be looking to keep this fight on the feet and use his boxing to knock Guida the fuck out. Gomi has epic KO power, his punching technique is awesome. He has a solid base, and when he winds up he’ll throw his body into it. Guida will have to be careful shooting in for a takedown as he doesn’t have the greatest chin and Gomi will be looking for an emphatic finish. Kenny Florian had Guida rocked and Gomi has more power than Ken Flo so its something Guida will have to watch out for.

I’m really really pumped for this fight and hopefully it will be epic for however long it lasts for.

Prediction - Gomi via KO

 

[PHX]

Pretty good preview Rush. Not sure how much of this I' am gonna be able to catch but gonna try to at least watch some of it.

 

[Phenomenal1]

I may go to the Casino and watch this. Chris Leben is a local dude so guy is gonna catch much love around these parts.

 

[Rush]

fuck i hate my parents coming home. mum's forcing me to the shops tomorrow with my bro to sort out our mobile phone bill so i'll likely miss most of this. fucking sucks.