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I shall give my, frankly, worthless opinion as a fellow promo writer who's far beneath your capabilities, in the hopes that you at least find it "Awe, look at the silly little Welshman trying to give his useless thoughts"Cali and Vampiress v. Blaze and Gamma
Tag Team Rankings Match Lethal Lottery Qualifier Cali Hayama and Vampiress v. Johnny Blaze and Azrael Gamma Deadlines ❂ Remember that role-plays are to be received no later than 11:59 PM EST on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022.wrestlingsmarks.com
Now this is a promo I actually would love feedback on mainly because it is my first like... proper match promo with Vampiress. Even if she has appeared in promos and segments with Cali, it was always like conversational. The two having a conversation. Not a promo directed AT someone. I also tried to balance both "languages" a bit. All translated with brackets. What do you guys think of Vampiress in this promo and just the dynamic between her and Cali with how I'm advancing the story?
. Here goes!Right, first off, scene-setting: As far as the information, i.e where you are, what's there and the ambience and whatnot, it was great. It was a little choppy, for me at least, since personally, I would've tried to add a little something extra to each of the pieces being described...I'll use the clock as a quick example since it'd take me, like, 2 hours to set the entire scene since I am by far the SLOWEST writer on the planet
"A clock ticks away, its sound cutting through the otherwise tranquil silence., yet adding to the tranquillity nonetheless"
Or something to that effect, lol. That just comes down to personal preference, however, so in terms of the actual job of scene-setting, you achieved the ultimate goal, since from what you wrote, I know exactly the surroundings the characters find themselves in, but, IMO, it could've been jazzed up a little
Next up, character description: The level of detail you put into bringing these two incredibly unique individuals was fantastic. Nothing bad to say about it whatsoever...I wouldn't have come anywhere close to this. You honestly couldn't have described their appearance better if you actually fucking created exact replicas of the outfits and got the IRL reps to wear them
maybe a little too far, there, but you get the jest. Top notch character description!Now, I shall speak on each character separately and what I think of them and shit, basically (I'm fucking trying, alright! Leave me and my stupidness alone!
)Cali "X" Hayama (AKA that person that the extremely famous wrestler Bellatrix Bordeaux has plucked from obscurity VIA Twiiter and turned into a major internet superstar!
): I've enjoyed the struggle that Cali's been going though thus far in AMA. She's being pulled in multiple directions, with different aspects of her personality fighting between themselves to decide on the direction she wants to go it. Does she want to be an upstanding member of the roster? Should she play the game as it was intended to be played, that being by the rules? Or, should she go down the road where if there is a cheatcode that allows her to progress through the story quicker and easier, she would be willing to take it? I like that either end of the spectrum there's a physical embodiment of each ideal...those being Marquise Bridges and Christopher McMichael. I like that she has a high level of self-awareness in that she understands why and how she's in the position she's in, having come off of 3 losses on the bounce. She comes across asvery open andhonest with herself, and those sorts of traits are endearing no matter the side of the coin she winds up landing on.As for her ability to verbally slaughter opponents when a camera's rolling, she was top notch as per usual. I got a kick out of her giving Azrael the pet name "Gammy", lol. She's starting to convince me that she's into some serious kinks, given that she's now brought up BDSM, blood fetish and the love of being dominated by Asian chicks during her 2 match AMA career
not judging, but her mind keeps going there, andtherefore it leads me to wonder anyway, she did everything that a good promo should accomplish. She verbally destroyed her opponents and their characters, she explained why her and Vampiress were the more effective team and she explained why she thinks that she and her MAYHEW compadre are going to emerge victorious. Top notch verbal assaulting from "The Slayer Queen". 
Vampiress (AKA the FRIEND of the person that the extremely famous wrestler Bellatrix Bordeaux has plucked from obscurity VIA Twitter and turned into a major internet superstar!
): We got to find out a lot about Vampiress here, which I enjoyed. She comes off as a very thoughtful and deliberate person. She's very spiritual. We got to hear about the origins of her mask being that her parents were against her career choice and therefore she had to hide her identity, the look stuck and she felt that the mask gave her a confidence and belief that was lacking beforehand. We learned that for the most part, you won't ever be able to understand her if you're incapable of reading since she struggles with English a bit . She's VERY sure of herself and extremely blunt, literally just out and pretty much saying "I'm smart as fuck and I'm hard as fucking nails, do something about it" lol. I very much enjoyed her, and I hope she stays around so that Trixie can learn that evil language of Vampires, know as "Japanese" apparently, so that she can befriend her and the three of them can have tea parties and shit All in all, this promo and the characters themselves receive the rating of...A+ out of 10...that's what a grade should look like, right?
@Princess Rosé them's my thoughts, and I apologise that they're definitely not as constructive as what you've given me in the past, but as previously mentioned...I'm quite stupid, and therefore this is the best I can do.
