Sammy Sensation Vlog #1 - 18/12/11
The camera flicks on as Sammy Sensation is positioning it, he has a santa hat on and a cigarette in his mouth, he looks tired, burned out. The bags under his eyes could even be mistaken for black eyes and he looks so besheveled that he could be mistaken for a bum. He rubs his eyes makes his way back to a leather chair that sits in front of the camera and he begins the speak.
Sammy Sensation: So this is Christmas?... now I'm no John Lennon, but it's of my reckoning that Christmas is a time of celebration, it's of my reckoning that the festive period is one where family and friends get together, they eat a lot, they drink a lot and they exchange gifts. Maybe so for a lot of people in this world but no for me. You see I have no family, and very few friends, in fact I just lost a friend recently to a disease. That disease is jealousy and she passed away... at least from my endearing friendship, even if it was a little more than just friendship. But I'm not doing this to mope and depress all of you watching, no I'm here to give you and insight into the mind of the most charismatic, the most dramatic, the most exciting, inticing invididual to ever lace up a pear of boots and wear spandex. Me, Sammy Sensation. Now for a lot of you who haven't seen this past weeks show.
Sammy laughs a little as he says it.
Which is ridiculous by the way. Go and watch it because you would see the debut of 'The Highlight', the most devastating maneuver in professional wrestling today. You see I had a match last week against this so called party goer Hardy Von Akkern, and while some people may have had their doubts, which is laughable, I beat him. I lifted him up high into the air, and I dropped him on his face with a move so devastating, it makes children cry and the ladies say 'oh my'. However do not fret, because it isn't a one shot deal, oh no, 'The Highlight' is something that the WWS audience will be getting to see a lot. As the innovator of the move, it's my duty to get it known to the world, and what better way to get 'The Highlight' known to the world than to go to a Pay Per View event and win the World Championship with it, hell, what better way to put my name on the map, nevermind the move, by going to the Pay Per View and winning the World Championship. That's my aim. That's my goal. That's what I will do. Now last week you saw me take on some, not to sound like a prick, but hey I am a prick afterall, lesser competition, this week?, that's not the case. This week I've got to face two of the best competitors in this company. So I've had to up my game if I want to get through to the final and get my oppertunity so I've been hitting the gym, I've doing mindset seminars just to get in the right mind for this match.
The vlog changes to a video of Sammy working out in a large gym, he's rocking the zubas and a weight training belt, he has shades on despite being inside and he is doing the deadlift. The clip then changes to show Sammy running on the treadmill, he's sweating buckets, but he never stops. It then shows you the various other exercises he's been doing in the gym such as the bench press, the kick bags, sit-ups, squats, tricep extensions, the lot. But then the video takes a change of pace and shows Sammy in a suit sitting in a class with a rather dull looking man doing a seminar. He's taking notes on the idea of the positive mindset and it's effects. It shows him asking questions and taking the lead in group discussions. Before it eventually shows Sammy hopping back in his black sports car to drive off, the video then returns to the vlog where Sammy is lighting another cigarette.
That's what I did this past week, what did you do?, actually, I'm not that interested but if you absolutely must tell me what you did, send in a video response and I'll not watch it. Now onto other matters. This past week you may also have seen my very first promotional video with the WWS. Now as you're probably all well aware it ended on a somewhat sour note, and I'd just like to fill you all in on what happened seeing as it was filmed about 4 months ago, back when I wasn't freezing my balls off every night, but I digress. My whore of a now ex-girlfriend of 4 years, called me up saying she had the truth about me. And how it changes everything and how I should come and answer her questions. D'you want to know what I did?, I drove down to her house, I walked in and I told her everything about me. I have no secrets, pfft, I'm on TV nearly every god damn week, it'd be pretty stupid of me to have any skeletons in my closet wouldn't it?. But apparntly she had proof of me having a past life... I know, ridiculous, and that's what I told her, I said 'honey, you're crazy, you've lost the plot', and she told me to get out of her life, so y'know what?, I took the oppertunity to get out of her life because to be quite frank she wasn't worth it.
Sammy's tone has changed, he puffs away on his cigarette, he looks stressed or at least anxious.
No, she isn't. I've tried telling myself that I loved her, but in truth I couldn't give a damn about her, she's just another dumb broad wanting a ride on the Sensation Express. No more, will I answer to her every beckon and call for my credit card, no more will I let her use my car, use my bathroom, because from now on?, it's all about one man... me!. I'm done pretending like a care about anyone anymore. No, I've only ever cared about one man... and that's Sammy Sensation. So from now on?, I look out for number one, player uno, me. I'm now entirely focused on the task in hand, in becoming the most succesful professional wrestler to ever walk this land. To become the most must see man in this universe... and to do that, I can't be focused on making anyone happy as I do so. So vlog?, consider this the first of the vlogs, but also consider it the last of the vlogs, because I don't need any fans, I don't need any admirers, I couldn't give a damn about any of you. Simply put, I'm safe in the knowledge that I'm easily hateable, I know people like to show hatred as soon as they see me because they think I'm pompous and arrogant. Well the simple fact is, I am pompous, I am arrogant, I'm better than you, and let's face it I am simply 'The Highlight of Your Night' because there's nothing better you can do, and there is nothing you can do in life that is better than watching, listening and taking notes on being the absolute zenith of your trade...
Sammy stands up, he puts the smoke out on the ash tray, he lifts the camera up and holds it with one hand as he speaks into it.
I know I said I won't be giving any Christmas presents out, I have no family, I have no friends, but I suppose my existence is a present that could satisfy everyone. Band Aid sang about giving back to the world... about letting them know it's Christmas time... well Bob Geldof, Bono and the rest of them can suck it, because I don't give two hoots about who's poor... about who's disadvantaged, and I don't give two damns about Christmas. So vlog?, whoever is watching this?, Merry freakin' Christmas, ho!, ho!, ho!... go get drunk, in debt and depressed because you live in the knowledge that you'll never be as good as me, you'll never be as rich as me and you'll never be ME. I am Sammy Sensation, I am 'The Highlight of Your Night', I am the future World Champion... and you, are not me. Yours truely... your idol... your saint of sexuality and prince of popularity... and the man you wan't to be, and be with. But never will. Sammy Sensation. I'll see you all, on Death Proof. End vlog.
Sammy takes off his hat and stares intensely into the camera as it fades to static and then to black.