WWE Raw, Smackdown, PPV's 2004 Review Thread (Maybe HeAT & Velocity Matches)

[Deezy]

I don't miss any episodes.

 

[Crippler]

WWE Champion: Eddie Guererro
WWE United States Champion: John Cena
WWE Tag Team Champions: Charlie Haas & Rico
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Chavo Guererro Classic

WWE Smackdown
June 17th, 2004
Allstate Arena: Chicago, Illinois

Tonight: RVD/Cena vs. Booker/Rene & JBL will comment on what happened last week, and being fired from CNBC for being a "loudmouthed wrestler" tonight (AKA HE DID THE NAZI LAST WEEK) & Rey/Classic for the title.

A comment truck is on the ramp

WWE Tag Team Championships: The Dudley Boyz vs. Rico & Charlie Haas (w/Miss Jackie)
This is decent and thankfully kept short, the Dudleyz go immediately into isolating Haas, they do a good enough job just beating him down. Bubba seems motivated so he kinda rules, Haas bumps and sells well, I see Rico cut all the fruity shit lol. The match breaks down, Haas accidentally knocks Jackie off the apron, and somewhere in the match, Rico hurt his knee, so Bubba rolls up Rico with his feet on the ropes to win. *3/4

Heyman comes out and they all hug it out, minus the Undertaker who didn't even come out with his NEW stable mates

Paul Heyman stays on the stage, he says Paul Bearer is in protective custody. He says he now controls the Undertaker, and there will come a day that Undertaker will become loyal to him off his greatness, but first, he needs to exploit his weaknesses and that weakness is Paul Bearer. Heyman says "EVEN THE BIG DOG NEEDS TO BE TRAINED" So at the PPV it will be The Undertaker vs. The Dudleyz, Paul Bearer will be in a glass case and if Taker doesn't do the right thing, cement will pour in at his command and Paul Bearer will find himself in a terrible situation. Heyman says this is a first time ever. YAY! WE GET TO WITNESS SOMEONE DIE ON PPV!

Eddie Guererro comes out, he says all last week he was watching CNBC waiting for JBL to show up, but then he heard JBL GOT FIRED! He says his week wasn't all that bad, he did get one hell of a limo ride which was better than Disney World. Eddie then challenges him to come out and talk to him about it, but the Bashams come out and says he has unfinished business with them instead.

Eddie Guererro vs. Doug Basham (w/Danny Basham)
This is like 3 minutes, Doug shoves Eddie into the ref so they can get their double teams off. But Eddie kicks out, Eddie has a decent comeback hits takes both Bashams out before hitting the Frog Splash for the win. After the match; Eddie low blows Danny and hits him with a Frog Splash. Poor Eddie he deserves so much better. *3/4

Backstage: John Cena barges into GM Kurt Angles office, Kurt says Cena will never one-up him. Kurt says the GAB match will now be an elimination match, Cena says he finally figured it out, Kurt wants to be him, so he puts a Word Life trucker hat on his head and leaves. Kurt is PISSED!

Backstage: Funaki and Josh Matthews are having a RAP BATTLE! Funaki is dressed as Cena and makes a joke about Kurt Angle being bald. Everyone bails and Funaki turns around to see Angle and Luther. Kurt tells Funaki to go get ready because he has a match tonight against the debuting Luther Reigns.

Kenzo Suzuki vs. Spike Dudley
2004 Spike is a little better squasher than Scotty, but if this was '99 Spike mark: Kenzo is still ASS! His ninja offense is still laughable, as Taz really tries to talk him up. Anyway, Kenzo wins with the CLAW-STO takedown for the win.

John Bradshaw Layfield comes out with brand new limo, he marches down to the ring and says not only did he get fired but Eddie wrecked his limo with him in it, and with Ronald Reagan passed away, all the people and media want to talk about are him being fired and his limo being destroyed, and says that's what's wrong with America: Americans are whats wrong with America, he says you people want him to fail because he was the bully in high school and the popular guy. He says he has a backbone unlike everyone, but what makes you all upset the most is that I won't beg for a damn thing. You can knock me on my ass, but i will keep getting back up. He says he came in the world alone and will leave alone, he isn't afraid of anyone and everyone can go to hell. He talks about going to Afghanistan while the Media just stayed home. He talks about while he was there a man died for being a hero, and did the Media cover it? NO! They covered Shawn Penn was in Baghdad as a guest of Saddam Hussien's. He says that calling him anything other than a great American is like calling Mother Teresa a prostitute. He talks about leaving Fox for CNBC and saving it, just for them to find out he is a LOUDMOUTH WRESTLER! He says everyone loves free speech until you use it, and now knows why people hate him. HE EXPOSES THE WEAK 'CAUSE HE IS STRONG! He says people like him founded America and yells at a fan up in the balcony for holding up the Mexican flag. He says people hate him because he's the success that they don't have the strength to be, and now, he's going to win the WWE Title to shove it down their throats. He says Blood will flow like a river, and make Judgment Day look like a cartoon. He says Eddie is represents everything he hates about America and says it's okay to be underhanded and for them to be underachievers, but he's reviled because he says hard work is better. JBL says if he has to destroy himself to destroy Eddie Guerrero, he'll do it, and vows that nobody or nothing - the liberal media, CNBC, the fans, or Eddie Guerrero - can stop him from becoming WWE Champion. Eddie then runs down and attacks JBL from behind, he gets the better and JBL bails back to his limo

JBL HOLY SHIT!

WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guererro Classic (w/Chavo Guererro Jr.)
It goes about a minute and a half. Classic busting out the top rope moonsault was great, Rey hits the 619, Legdrop for the win. UGH!

Typical Mordecai promo, he talks about how Eddie is the biggest sinner of them all, and he will suffer cause he will hear and see him. LOL!

Luther Reigns vs. Funaki
Roman's brother does the standard big man offense 101. Luther hits a side-sitdown-power slam for the win. After the match; Luther grabs the mic and says this is an example when you disrespect Kurt Angle, you have to deal with him. Luther goes to leave, but Kurt stops him and gives him the THUMBS DOWN! So Luther does a swinging neckbreaker, which looked way deadlier than the finish of the match. But the real story is KURT DID THE THUMBS DOWN FIRST!!!!!

RAW REBOUND!

Recap of both title changes tonight.

GREAT AMERICAN BASH HYPE
Taker/Dudleyz
Cena/Booker/Rene/RVD
Eddie/JBL ~ Texas Bullrope Match

Torrie Wilson comes out dressed as uncle sam, she hypes up the PPV before lighting up a BBQ. Okay then.

Backstage: Josh Mathews interviews Booker T, Booker calls his match Sunday a joke, he claims the clock was speed up or the Judge was French and on something Booker says it's obvious, he wanted RVD or Rene to win. Rene comes over and says it's sad to see a former 5X WCW champion complain about a clock. Rene says Booker should consider himself lucky to even have another shot. Booker says Rene isn't even American and he was the one that got pinned last week. Rene says Booker better have his back, and if not he will get FRENCH TICKLER!

Rob Van Dam & John Cena vs. Booker T & Rene Dupree (w/FiFi)
The show has been so lackluster that by this point I don't care, the partner show friction throughout the match, but get along for the most part. Heels work over RVD, it's alright. They smartly don't work a body part just take turns beating him down cause RVD can't sell for shit. Cena doesn't really do much in his hot tag, cause the match breaks down after 10 seconds. THEN RANDOMLY! The faces clean house, so RVD and Cena just start brawling lmao that allows the heels to sneak and beat both men down................THE LIGHTS GO OUT! And the Undertaker is in the ring. And the match just ends.

Taker grabs Bookers throat, but lets go to kick Cena in the face. He then beats the shit out of RVD before hitting a Chokeslam. He then hits Cena with a tombstone. Heyman comes out onto the stage with the urn, TAKER THEN TAKES A KNEE!

JBL>Smackdown

 

[Chris]

That GAB PPV is so fucking trash good luck getting through it

 

[Deezy]

JBL carrying smackdown..


makes you reconsider the notion of Heyman being a creative genius.

 

[Crippler]

WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Chris Benoit
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Randy Orton
WWE World Tag Team Champions: La Resistance
WWE Women's Champion: Trish Stratus

WWE Monday Night RAW
June 21st, 2004
Miami, Florida

Tonight: Triple H vs. Eugene, and a Shawn Michaels update.

BUT FUCK ALL THAT! THE ROCK IS BACK! Poor guy's hairline is a mess tho. "FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME......HOME" He says here on RAW and didn't come alone, he points out his family in the front row. Then points some of the Miami Dolphins in the crowd. He hypes up the Miami Dolphins in the front row, just to say they make 20 mill a year but they wanna wear free Nike gear to the show, and he didn't even know they play defense the way the Patriots score on them. He says he's just messing around and they are just friends, he says another person is his friend and that's Eugene. He calls Eugene out, but instead Randy Orton comes out. Orton says he hates to break it to him, but Eugene isn't here, he's with Triple H. They are taking a limo together. Randy says now that he's got the Rock here, they've never had a chance to talk. Sure he remembers beating him and Foley at Mania. He calls Rock yesterday's news, THERE IS A NEW 3RD GENERATION STAR ON RAW! RANDY ORTON! Rock says yeah, they never had a chance to talk but the people were right. He is an asshole, Rock says he knows who he is. He says yeah, he remembered him, and he remembers his father, but some guy named Rocky Johnson whipping Bob Orton's ass, and Peter Miavia whipping Bob Orton Sr.'s ass. Rock says he now remembers him, he asks him about the gerbil? Orton has no idea what he's talking about, so the Rock says when Randy was a kid and Orton Sr would call him over and introduce him. But all Orton wanted to do was play with his my little pony. Orton claims it was his sisters. Rock says yeah and then when the Rock went to introduce himself, Orton ran all the way down the hall into King Kong Bundy's Ballsack. He says he's going to continue the tradition, of whipping an Orton's ass and challenges him to a fight right now. Orton says it's not a good idea, he hasn't stretched and has a match later on. Rock then peppers him with punches sending him to the floor, but Eric Bischoff comes out. He has security go down and says Rocky is to be ejected from the building.

"Of all the people to kick out of the building on live TV, you kick out The Rock? No wonder WCW went out of business."

Rock still has a mic, he tells Trish not to look at his package, and says the same thing to Tomko but says i like your show "Queer eye for the straight guy" He then makes fun of the securities hight or lack of height. He then tries to hit on Molly but accidentally, pulls her wig off and she runs off. He says hi to Hurricane and Rosey, but FUCK YEAH! Coach is here, he tells Coach to smile he goes do dap him up but leaves him hanging. Orton gets back in the ring and yells to cut his mic, Rock then says in 3 seconds Orton gonna feel some pain. AND ORTON TURNS AROUND INTO A SPEAR FROM EDGE! Rock then drives off in his limo.

23 MINUTES OF AWESOMENESS!

backstage: Eric Bischoff is talking to some security worker name Wayne. he tells him to ensure the arena is filled with security so Rock can't show up again. Benoit comes in, he asks why Eugene needs to be put in this if Triple H wants a title match he can have one. Eric says it's not about him or Triple H, it's his business with Eugene, and Chris Benoit should stay out of it and take the night off since he's not scheduled

WWE Woman's Championship: Trish Stratus (w/Tyson Tomko) vs. Victoria
This is pretty decent, Victoria still isn't good at being a babyface, but Trish has taken to being the heel really well, she, for the most part, carried this. Mock Victoria's offense, getting cocky and just not taking Victoria serious at all. Victoria hits a beautiful superkick, but almost breaks Trish's ribs but hitting a moonsault off the top but she undershot it so he knees banged right into Trish's ribs. She goes for the cover but Tomko pulls her from under to break the fall. Trish the rolls her up and grabs the ropes for the win. **

After the match; Trish attacks Victoria but some big jacked up female that looks like a man pulls her out. OH NO!

RAW Diva Search in Chicago, Carmella DeCesare sighting

Recap of KANE attacking Shawn Michaels last week.

Backstage: Regal is in Uncle Eric's office, he tries to get answers out of Eric but he says he doesn't have to, he says every week Eugene does something that embarrasses him, so Regal smartly asks why not just fire him. Eric says he can't the board like him and his sister he has to deal with. He says he needs Eugene to quit, and what a way to do so by being beaten like a drum and humiliated by his favorite wrestler. Regal says he knows he's a dirty scoundrel and is bad to the core, but he loves that boy, and there's not an ounce of harm in Eugene. He looks up to Eric and loves him, but Eric treats him like dirt, and Eric should be ashamed. Eric says Regal's done a great job taking care of Eugene, and since this was all about getting his job back, he's back on the active roster! And his first match is next.

Regal is in the ring, he's got his slacks and shirt on along with dress shoes...BUT KANE COMES OUT! Regal knocks him off the apron and they fight on the floor. REGAL HEADBUTTS HIM FUCK YEAH! But Kane fights back and hip tosses him onto the floor. He boots him in the face and Regal is out.

Backstage: Kane is with Eric, he says he knew Kane was a professional. And thanks him for giving him what he wanted, he then moves on to what Kane wants. He says Triple H already has the title match at the PPV, but next week it will be Kane vs. Benoit for the title. Kane says that's great, but Eric hasn't seen anything yet. Kane walks off laughing and Eric is worried.

RAW DIVA SEARCH! CHICAGO! Young Maria Kanellis

Randy Orton & Batista vs. Edge & Chris Jericho
LOW KEY This might be my favorite Evolution tag pairing, well when it's 2on2, that is. Real good opening 4 minutes or so, Edge/Orton work well together, they have this dope little battel over forearm in the corner before they isolate Edge for a bit, Jericho has a nice hot tag on Dave, he hits the bulldog and the Lionsault but Orton breaks it up on 2. The Canadian's clean house in the ring, as Edge baseball slides, kicks Orton on the floor, but in the ring, BATISTA KILLS JERICHO WITH A LARIAT! Jericho seems to be "out" so the ref calls for EMT's and he's taken to the back. Leaving it 2-on-1. Apparently, during the break the ref gave Edge the option to keep the match going or ending it, he decided to leave it a handicap match. HEADLOCK RANDY! IS DOING IS THING! Edge does a great job fighting the odds, but kept getting cut off it's tremendous. It happens like 4 or 5 times before the big comeback, another awesome stiff forearm fight between Orton and Edge, but Batista tries to make the save. Edge hits the double shoulder block in the corner and takes Batista to the floor, nice false fall with Edge rolling through on Orton roll through for two. He then hits a spear but Batista makes the save, he hits a Batista bomb but Orton doesn't want the easy pin. INSTEAD, HE PICKS HIM UP AND HITS THE RKO for the win. RAW 2004 GUYZ! ***1/4

RAW DIVA SEARCH! BIKINI'S

Earlier Today, RAW jobbers try to get young people to vote.

Backstage: Stacy Kiebler runs over to Matt and congratulates him on being a new father, she rambles on until Matt cuts her off and pulls out a ring. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! Matt then tells Stacy not to say a thing, I mean it's not like a giant camera is next to you or anything

SMACKDOWN REBOUND!

A limo pulls up in the parking lot, Eugene comes out playing with his new action figures along with Ric Flair and Triple H. Hunter says Eugene gets to dress with them and tells Flair he's gonna enjoy this more than anything else in his life. WOAH!

Matt Hardy comes down to the ring, Matt says yesterday was fathers day and that has a new meaning to him, he then calls the mother of his unborn child to come out. Lita comes out, Matt says Lita makes him the happiest man in the world, he says he doesn't just want to tell he wants to show her. He then drops down to one knee and proposes...BUT BEFORE SHE CAN ANSWER! KANE IS ON THE TRON! He says before Lita answers the question, she should at least tell Matt. KANE SAYS LITA'S BABY ISN'T MATT'S IT'S HIS!!!!! Matt yells at him for being a lying bastard and challenges him to fight, Kane says if he doesn't believe him just ask Lita. Matt is scared to turn around, but calms himself down, he then turns around and sees Lita crying. SO IT'S TRUE! He asks her off mic and she dips her head in shame and MATT IS PISSED! FUCK YEAH KANE!

Backstage: Matt is upset and says Lita slept with Kane to protect him She then tries to justify it 1st by saying "we were not together yet" and 2nd THE BABY STILL MIGHT BE YOURS Matt just storms off.

RAW DIVA SEARCH! In Chicago still, the Chicago winners are announced and they are going to New York.

Backstage: Eugene is warming up for his match when Evolution comes in. Eugene asks for Regal but Triple H says to forget about him, Evolution are all his friends. Triple H says friends don't hurt one another, and he's still pretty banged up from his Cell match. Uncle Eric comes in and wishes them luck in their match, Triple H says no one is buying his crap and says he will not beat the hell out of Eugene and he's now with Evolution. He tells Eugene their match is next and tells him to go out first, so he and Uncle Eric can talk. Eugene leaves and everyone busts out laughing. TRIPLE H says I'm gonna kill that kid.

Eugene vs. Triple H (w/Ric Flair)
This is like 11 minutes, it's full of fuckery, like Eugene out wrestling Triple H, being more powerful to start, to which Triple H is amused with but as time goes on he gets frustrated by it. Triple H fake hurts his arm before sucker punching him, FUCK YEAH! He targets Eugene's back with the same gameplan he does for Shawn, and Eugene must be a Shawn fan too cause he's ain't selling a lick of back pain. They randomly drop the back work and Eugene does his RETARDAMANIA Hulk up, he hits a pair of atomic drops followed by the airplane spin for two. Eugene counters the pedigree into a backdrop and hits a Rock Bottom, he then hits the blueberries ELBOW but Hunter rolls to the floor, Eugene taunts Flair and decks him on the floor. But Triple H catches him with a pedigree when he enters back into the ring. Uncle Eric comes out and says he didn't make this match for him to beat Eugene, he made this match for him to beat the hell out of Eugene. And if he wants the title match, he better do it. Hunter then grabs a chair, but Benoit runs out for the save. He ducks a chair shot and picks it up, just as he's about to nail Triple H with it, but he avoids and Benoit nails Eugene with it by mistake. Hunter rolls back in and low blows Benoit, he follows up with a pedigree and Triple H's music just plays. **

 

[Deezy]

Benoit crying

 

[Crippler]

WWE Champion: Eddie Guererro
WWE United States Champion: John Cena
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Rey Mysterio

WWE Smackdown
June 24th, 2004
Orlando, Florida

Backstage: Charlie Haas and Miss Jackie are talking to Cena, they try to talk him out of something, but he won't listen. He says it's something he's gotta do himself. Haas calls it suicide.

John Cena comes down to the ring, Cena says all day he's heard people say don't do it, you don't know who you're messing with. And normally you say "Undertaker" in the wrong tone of voice, and your ass will pay for it. But, facts are facts you saw it. I got tombstoned. He says he respects Taker's legacy, but he's a man and he backs down from no man. Right now, I want an explanation. GM Kurt Angle comes out, instead. Kurt comes out smiling and laughing, he says he couldn't help but notice how sad Cena is, which makes him happy, he says last week Cena suggested he wanted to be him, and he's right. So all week long he came up with a RAP just for him.

"My name is Kurt Angle, I tried to be nice
I'm an Olympic gold medalist, not some weak vanilla ice
Which is why I'm happy, I no longer have the blues
Because come this Sunday, you're gonna lose
I think it's sad and even tragic.
YOU'LL BE A BIGGER LOSER THAN THE ORLANDO MAGIC!
Bye, Bye T-Mac.
You think you're so slick, but tonight Cena your gonna
REST IN PEACE"

Kurt confirms Cena vs. Undertaker TONIGHT!

Backstage: JBL tells Kurt he's doing a fantastic job as GM and is an inspiration to people in wheelchairs all across the world. JBL says he liked the way he handles Cena, and Eddie needs to be treated the same. JBL having Eddie wrestle 3 days before the PPV would be a great way to teach him a lesson, Kurt says he would but can't, JBL says he would love to, too but instead picks Luther.
Luther says he can't wait to teach Eddie some RESPECT!

10 Man cruiserweight #1 Contenders Battle Royal Match
Chavo, London, Funaki, Spike, Nunzio, Moore, Kidman, Akio, Scotty, and Jamie Noble are the Participants as Rey joins commentary, Spike gets thrown out, as London throws Nunzio out, but their's only one ref and he's busy with Spike so he doesn't see Nunzio getting thrown out, so Nunzio sneaks back in. Like 20 seconds later he gets dropkicked out and now the ref sees it. Well, that heel spot was wanted. London tries to skin the cat, but Nunzio then yanks him out to the floor to eliminate him in a great bump. Akio and Moore eliminate themselves, Scotty does the worm but gets dropkicked out by Kidman, who then throws Funaki to the floor. Chavo, Kidman, and Noble are the final three. They have this great mini-sprint, with Chavo and Noble team up in attempts to throw Kidman over. Chavo knocks Noble off the top to the floor, and Gory Bombs Kidman over the ropes and to the floor to win.

Backstage: Paul Heyman is on the phone while looking at the blueprint of the crypt when the Dudleyz comes over, Bubba wants to know what the plan is. D-Von says Heyman said Taker would do the right thing, off-screen Bubba hears some banging and isn't even listening. Heyman tells the Dudleyz to trust him. Suddenly, Mordecai and Hardcore Holly BRAWL through a door and out into the arena. They get pulled apart, and Kurt is wheeled over and yells at them to stop. Kurt turns to Paul and says he wants The Undertaker to take out John Cena, and Paul says he has nothing to worry about.

Kenzo Suzuki (w/Hiroko) vs. Billy Gunn
OVER MY DEAD BODY!

Backstage: Sable who is shockingly still here, and is wearing this amazing outfit, walks over to Torrie Wilson who is still in her slutty uncle sam outfit. Sable says cute outfit and questions why she got to promote the PPV. Sable says if Torrie wants to hog the spotlight, go ahead, the last things she wants is for Torrie to slip and fall. AND CALLS TORRIE FAT! OH SHIT! Torrie calls her easy, and we get A CAT FIGHT!

Eddie/JBL Video Package

Eddie Guererro vs. Luther Reigns (w/Kurt Angle)
Fun Eddie carry job, Luther shows hit power early so Eddie counters by outsmarting, out quicking and being more experienced. Until Kurt pops out of the wheelchair and trips Eddie allowing Luther to gain control. He locks in a decent bear hug from the front, but the one from behind looks awful. Eddie elbows out after like a minute and makes a comeback. He hits the three amigos but the ref gets bumped. Luther hits his side-sitdown-powerslam. BUT KURT HOPS OUT OF THE CHAIR AND GOES TO COUNT! But Eddie kicks out. Luther grabs the WWE title, but Eddie low blows him and turns to Kurt, but instead hits Luther with the title and frames Kurt with the title. The ref forces Kurt out as Eddie, "slowly" recovers and hits the Frog Splash...BUT JBL RUNS OUT FOR THE DQ. **1/4

He wraps it around Eddie's neck and throws him around, he tries to hand Eddie over the top like a noose, but Eddie punches out, he grabs the bull rope and uses it to clothesline JBL. He begins whipping JBL until he bails to the floor.

Booker T comes out for commentary

Rob Van Dam vs. Rene Dupree (w/FiFi)
I Don't care about this match at all, Booker is too buy being amazing on commentary. He says "If that little BITCH dog comes close to him, he's gonna drop it like a bad habit" He also spends the next several minutes burying Cole. Rene works over RVD's back who bumps well but refuses to sell, Rene undoes the top turnbuckle, and later on, as RVD tries a Monkey Flip, Rene drops him down on the steel buckle to pick up the win. **1/4

The Great American Bash HYPE

John Cena vs. The Undertaker
For some reason, Cole and Taz hype this up like this is a first time meeting, like they didn't feud this exact time one year ago. I know the roles are kinda reversed, with Cena being this uber babyface and Taker going through this "change" with Heyman. FUCK IT! This gets like 20 minutes. They have this awesome first 5 minutes, with Taker coming out strong with punches, but out of nowhere Cena fires back with punches of his own and begins ducking Taker's haymakers. Taz is awesome here, as he states Cena might have gotten the butterflies out of the way and now can focus on his match, instead of worrying that he's in the ring with this legend. Lots of ground and pound by both men, as Taker, busts out some of his 2002 heel antics. They book this as the "Top Heel Legend vs. Young Up and coming babyface who is Mid-Card on the brink of breaking through" so, it's way better than the 2003 series. Cena uses his quickness to throw Taker off, they brawl onto the floor where it's all Cena, Cena throws Taker into the steel steps and his has nasty cut on his forearm or wrist area. Cena makes the mistake of going to the air, but Taker catches him and ramps him back first into the ring apron. He does his usual floor stuff, including apron legdrop. Taker doesn't really work a body part, he just wears down Cena with strikes and bully offense. Which is good, cause for some reason this version of Cena doesn't sell anymore, he just stumbles around. He like Rey, Shawn, and RVD where their's no point on working over a body part cause they won't sell longer than 20 seconds so just beat them down. Cena has an awesome comeback, showing desperation, pulling out new stuff cause this is the Undertaker, so you have to pull out all the stops and more. Taker has these great cut off spots, he goes for the Last Ride but Cena slips out and the ref gets taken out. Cena makes another comeback, and this time hits the FU but no ref. Taker sat up as Cena tries to wake up the ref. Taker recovers and hits Cena with the Chokeslam, but the ref is still out. Taker follows up by nailing Cena with Cena's own chain. Nice little "You Suck" chant breaks out, so Taker hits the tombstone for the win. Great match. ***1/2

I can't wait for them to set up Heel Taker/Eddie for the title

Paul Heyman comes out with the urn, and again Taker salutes him by kneeling.

 

[Deezy]

So you saw Cena vs Taker already. ...no need for them to try 14 years later.

 

[Cwalker]

How dare you skip the infamous Sukuzi/Mr Ass match?

 

[Crippler]

WWE Champion: Eddie Guererro
WWE United States Champion: John Cena
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Rey Mysterio

WWE The Great American Bash
June 27th, 2004
Norfolk, Virginia

Torrie Wilson is in the ring, still in her slutty Uncle Sam outfit. She welcomes us to the show.

Fatal 4-Way Elimination match for the WWE United States Championship: John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Rene Dupree (w/FiFi) vs. Booker T
This starts off well, with all 4 going at it. RVD/Booker pair off as does Cena/Rene. Booker watches at we get Rene/Cena, RVD/Rene, and Cena/RVD for a couple of minutes. RVD has seen enough and attacks Booker on the floor rolling him in for Cena. As much as I hate the 4-way tag rules, they might as well have booked that if they're just gonna kill the tornado rules and just have 2 guys standing on the floor for the majority, total match killa. RVD hits a Frog Splash on Rene, and one to Booker but as he sells it. Cena sneaks up behind and rolls him up for three. Rene and Booker team up, trying to get rid of Cena, for some reason, Booker breaks up a pin cover as he wants to be the one to pin Cena. Anyway, that leads to Rene turning on Booker. Cena picks Rene up for the FU and Booker kicks Rene's arm off the top rope allowing Cena to hit the FU. Booker then hits the scissors kick on Cena before pinning Rene. He goes to cover Cena immediately after, but Cena kicks out. He goes for 2 more quick covers but all kick outs. Booker and Cena go 4 minutes or so, it's better than anything that has happened prior in the match. Cena hits an FU and pins Booker. Weirdly booked, could have been a show stealer with the tornado rules but instead they Smackdown 2004'ed it up. SMH! **1/4

Backstage: Cena is walking, when Haas and Miss Jackie congratulate him on his match, Cena then openly hits on Jackie in front of Haas before leaving, Haas then does the same, but Kurt Angle wheels by. He says he can't believe how far Charlie has fallen, hanging out with Cena and flirting with Miss Jackie when he used to only focus on wrestling. Haas says he doesn't care what Kurt thinks, and Kurt says he has an even better protege now and books Reigns vs. Haas next.

Old ass Sable is in a hot tub, she says Torrie isn't the all American girl and she looks better in red, white and blue.

Charlie Haas (w/Miss Jackie) vs. Luther Reigns (w/Kurt Angle)
So this isn't good, I mean Charlie starts off well outwrestling Luther and making him look green, but Charlie is at his best in a tag team, when he can feed off another guy, and when he can just stretch the smaller guy out. Luther is still green and is still living in the big guy heel 101 playbook. It's simple shit, that we've seen all the generic big guys do dating back to the Hogan era. Nothing impressive at all. He sends Haas into the ringpost and hits a swinging neck breaker for the win. *1/2

Backstage: JBL says at Judgment Day he guaranteed victory and it happens, he says the only reason Eddie is champ is because Eddie got himself DQ'ed. JBL says he's gonna drag Eddie lifeless body all over the arena. He says he's been vilified by the media and fans, but tonight is his vindication, he didn't get his hero's welcome because he makes them look inside themselves to see what letdowns they all are, he guaranteed victory, and tonight, he guarantees that he will win the WWE Championship.

WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Chavo Guererro vs. Rey Mysterio
I miss Chavo Classic they have their chemistry down, awesome mat work as both men trade working over the arm. Rey is super on tonight, and Chavo is solid enough to hold his own. Rey targets Chavo's arm who does a good job selling it, but as soon as he dropkicks Rey off the top and him banging his knee on the apron, Chavo drops all selling and goes to working on Rey's knee. Now, granted the arm work wasn't like 6 minutes or so, but still at least shake he arm or grab at it 2 or 3 times before dropping all selling. Chavo's knee work is super brutal tho, he uses all parts or the ring, ala ropes, ring post his body just anything so dish out punishment. It's great. REY IS SELLING TOO! SHIT! HE EVEN SELLS DURING HIS MINI-COMEBACK! HOLY SHIT! ARE WE IN 1994? Chavo keeps doing these simple yet, super effective leg kicks, it's like that UFC fight when you kick at someone's knee to keep them grounded or distant. Chavo reinjuries his arm when he collides with the ringpost. Rey's 2nd half selling was mostly good, and he avoided stuff the usual no sell offense, but still goes up top. EG. Crossbody off the top, but instead of him springboarding or climbing to the top, it was Chavo who placed him on top. Or him hobbling while trying to run the ropes Good near fall, Chavo hits the Gory Bomb but can't lock the arm during the pin so Rey kicks out, Rey goes for a 619 but Chavo rolls through and locks in the half Boston crab but Rey scratches and claws making it to the bottom rope. Rey counters the Gory Bomb into Code Red type move for the win. Good shit, especially from Rey, best selling since prime WCW Rey. ***1/4

Backstage: Torrie Willson is in a hot tub with Spike, Kidman, and Funaki they all claim they can beat Rey and begins arguing so Torrie leaves to get ready for her match.

Kenzo Suzuki (w/Hiroko) vs. Billy Gunn
I don't what I did to deserve this, I didn't watch the first match and now they're forcing the rematch on me Once again Kenzo is terrible at playing Ninja, along with vice grip to Gunn's shoulders, which is the worse rest hold in all of wrestling history. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! Shit looks god awful. The only guy, that can semi-make it look believable is the Big Show and that causes his hands are like Frying PAN size. Kenzo keeps locking in holds just to break the hold to apply another hold, basically going in circles until Gunn makes a comeback. Kenzo backhand slaps Gunn's dick behind the refs back and hits Christian's inverted DDT into a backbreaker for the win. LOL. It looks shit. *

Backstage: Paul Heyman talks to a tied up kidnapped Paul Bearer, Heyman says everyone thinks he's bluffing, the Dudleyz the cops, everyone apart from them. He says Paul knows what type of man he is, and says he has no problems killing him if Taker doesn't do the ring thing.

Sable vs. Torrie Wilson
6 MINUTES! Rough and not in a good way. Sable wins cause she faked being injured when knocking heads, Sable clearly waits too long as Torrie is caught looking at the tron as Sable rolls her up, grabs the tights and Torrie's shoulders weren't even down. UGH!

Backstage: Dawn Marie interviews Rene Dupree, he claims he got screwed out of his match, but he's not upset. NO! he's gonna protest until he gets what he wants and that's a 1on1 match for the US title. Rene calls Dawn stunning and says he's a far better lover and offers to show off his FRENCH TICKLER! The FBI come over and Nunzio shows off his size "15" feet, Dawn is slow at first but picks it up later. The Bull calls Rene a size 6.

Mordecai vs. Hardcore Holly
FUCKIN KILL ME NOW! I'm taking a week off after I'm done with June, I swear. This is Mordicai's 2nd match since debuting May 16th, just goes to show you how god awful he is. Kenzo has had more matches and he only debuted 3 weeks ago. Mordicai continues his hilarious, intense yelling after doing a move or strike, it's even funnier than Luger's in the 90's. Hardcore adds nothing as usual, so slow and boring. Mordicai wins with Crucifix Bomb. *

WORSE 25 MINUTE STRETCH IN PPV HISTORY! HOLY SHIT!

SummerSlam 2004 commercial

Texas Bullrope match for the WWE Championship: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Eddie Guererro
I'm a huge fan of the bull rope, dog chain, leather strap concept, the only thing I dislike and it's on borderline hate it the way to win, by touching 4 corners. don't get me wrong it can make for some great drama, and I'll get to that later but I always thought having to touch 4 corners is dumb, why can't it just be pin and submission? It really takes away from the action too, anyway this is good but doesn't even touch the classic from Judgment day. Like this has hate, but not even close to the amazingness of Eddie just beating the shit out of JBL for 5 straight minutes. It's kinda just worked as a title match instead of a hate match, but it picks up in the middle once JBL hands Eddie upside down, and wraps the rope around Eddie's neck choking the life out of him. They brawl on the announce table with Eddie blocking a powerbomb and dropping JBL back first onto the table, Eddie begins getting more aggressive using the rope as a weapon along with the ringpost. FUCK YEAH! THEY DO THE THE REVERSE JUDGMENT DAY! With Eddie nailing JBL with a chair as he's next to the table, JBL is busted open, not even close to what Eddie was but it still looks great. Eddie nails him two more times with the chair in the ring and touches 3 of the corners but JBL holds on for dear life until Eddie says fuck it and kicks JBL in the face. The match turns into the false finish portion, moves and touching the corner but can't make the 4th and so on. It's fine, but felt rushed, the best moment of the match outside of the reverse Judgment day was Eddie hitting the three amigos, followed by the Frog Splash. He touches 3 corners, but JBL rolls to the floor out of desperation stopping Eddie from touching the 4th. and forcing the ref break. HOLY SHIT! JBL then wraps the rope around Eddie's neck and throws him off the top rope onto the Spanish announce table. FUCK THAT LOOKED SICK! But JBL isn't done, he powerbombs Eddie finally breaking the table. They stumble back into the ring, both men touch 3 and struggled to touch the 4th. But, Eddie jumps over JBL as both men fell into the corner. But the ref claims Eddie touched the corner with his hand first, so wins. ***1/4

GM Kurt Angle comes out, he says he's not out here for a personal vendetta and as GM he needs to do the right thing, he re-shows the ending in slow-motion and JBL'S BACK TOUCHED FIRST! SO WINNER AND NEW WWE CHAMPION! JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD! Eddie's absolutely heartbroken, as JBL celebrates.

Paul Bearer is in the glass crypt thing by a cement truck. Everyone gets to the ring, and Heyman walks to the crypt with the urn. He pours cement up to Bearer's shins as an example, and Bubba says to do the right thing and lie down or else.

Handicap Concrete Crypt match: The Dudley Boyz (w/Paul Heyman) vs. The Undertaker
Taker refuses so the match is on, what I don't get is why didn't Heyman just pull the leaver and be done with it Taker has already refused. SO fuck it, Kill him on PPV in front of thousands in attendance and Millions watching at home, it not like the anyone is gonna tell the cops. Anyway, this is boring and full of fuckshit. Like everytime Taker does anything on offense Heyman yells on the mic, bad dog throwing Taker off, anyway, Heyman pulls the leaver and not the cement is up to Bearer's belly. No one really tries, Taker again fights back so Heyman pulls the leaver up and now it's up to Bearer's chest. Bubba stops it and says let them beat Taker first and then, he can do whatever he wants with Bearer. This goes another 6 minutes, and now they focus on having just a normal match with no more Heyman distractions, but it's so bad so being slow and just boring. Heyman comes down to ringside, but it doesn't help, as Taker wins with the Tombstone. Okay, then. *

Heyman gets on the mic, and says if Taker doesn't want to do the right thing. HE WILL TEACH HIM A LESSON! He goes to pull the leaver, but Taker sends one of his lightning beams scaring Heyman off. Taker walks over to Bear and drops down to his knees saluting him, Paul Bearer pleads to help him. Taker thinks about it for a long time and gets the mic. He says he has no other choice, he tells Bearer...............TO...REST!...IN!...PEACE! And pulls down the lever. KILLING BEARER HIMSELF!

Yeah, this might be in my top 5 for WORSE PPV OF ALL TIME!

BONUS

​

 

[Deezy]

What blueberry thought that Taker and the Dudleys should close the show. ...no wonder Heyman was taken off creative for a while.

 

[Cwalker]

Homicide trumps Championships obvs

 

[Deezy]

Never seen Reigns attempted murder on last.

 

[Cwalker]

Never seen Reigns attempted murder on last.

New era...

Everyone soft.

And this at least "killed" Paul....well for 6 years

 

[Deezy]

New era...

Everyone soft.

And this at least "killed" Paul....well for 6 years

Somehow got resurrected to be tied up by Edge and left in a freezer