(The AOL service malfunctions, leaving Vince McMahon alone. Vince McMahon would spend the next twenty minutes waiting for service to resume. It never did.)
WWFLive2: We're temporarily frozen, stand by.
WWFLive2: We're coming back up, stay with me.
WWFLive2: I guess we have too damn many people wanting to talk to Mr. McMahon.
WWFLive2: What the hell is going on anyhow??
WWFLive2: This is supposed to be interactive but right now it's a one way street.
WWFLive2: You might even call it the HIGHWAY TO HELL!. In which case, in a role that is unfit for me, likely I would be deemed the devil.
WWFLive2: Hang on everybody, we're still frozen, god it's cold in here. Can we say shrinkage?
WWFLive2: While we're down, I predict that all of my
predictions are likely to be verified this Monday on RAW. Can you
believe that the Undertaker drove off with his brother Kane in a
hearse last Monday. I understand they were last seen on Route
95 heading North.
WWFLive2: Can somebody at AOL please wake the hell up? Is all of America trying to talk to Mr. McMahon?
WWFLive2: We're back, finally!
WWFLive2: No we're not back.
WWFLive2: Why the hell is AOL frozen?
WWFLive2: Damn it, I want to talk to you people.
WWFLive2: More importantly, I want to listen to you.
WWFLive2: But to answer most of your question, I'm feeling fine!
WWFLive2: It's nice that everyone is so concerned with my
health and mental well being. I didn't know so many people cared.
WWFLive2: You see while this damn thing is frozen, I can
fantasize all I want. Which brings me to Sable. Wow!! Wait til you
guys see, if you haven't already, some of the new shots of Sable. Truly a classy lady. and a classy chassy to boot. Did I say boot, that's kind of nice too.
WWFLive2: Well I certainly appreciate all of the questions
coming over a frozen AOL. Come on Bob Pittman, get your shit together! The one opportunity I have to speak to everybody online and damn el nino strikes again! Or is it nanook of the
north? You guys remember the pro wrestler Nanook don't you? He worked for Jerry Jarrett in the 60's under an assumed name. Speaking of Jerry Jarrett, wonder how well he's doing selling property. He was thought of as the most beloved promoter in the history of the wrestling business, although Kansas City's Bob Gigel ran a close second. What the hell's going on? I'm still frozen! We're crashed.
WWFLive2: She's breaking up, she's breaking up.
WWFLive2: Much like DX might be doing...oops! maybe I shouldn't
have said that.
WWFLive2: I'm having a blast talking to myself. I can't hear you.
WWFLive2: I'm making alot of sense to myself, as I generally do when I am asking and answering my own questions, I'm sure yours would be more provocative:
WWFLive2: Alright AOL. What the hell is going on? You should
have known that people want to talk to Mr. McMahon.
WWFLive2: I know I do.
WWFLive2: This is really getting nonsensical, if we don't
straighten it out soon, I'm going downstairs to the no excuse gym,
open 7 days per week, 24 hours a day. My goal is to add another
quarter inch to these massive twenty inch guns.
WWFLive2: Speaking of massive, wait til you get a load of a new
WWF toy. It's called a BOSS HOSS. It's a 351 cubic inch chevrolet
engine. Fitted between my legs, 0 to 60 in 1 1/2 seconds. It's the ultimate crotch rocket!
WWFLive2: We're talking to AOL now, Susan, who claims that we may have had a problem if more than 5,000 people were trying to get in, no shit, can you imagine that. Like I said before, they just weren't prepared.
WWFLive2: Susan, I sure wish this problem with AOL were fixed. What a waste.
WWFLive2: I'm told some of you now can see this monologue.
WWFLive2: It's not a very good monologue.
WWFLive2: Mr. M: But, it's the best I can do at the moment. What I
would really like is for AOL to apologize to all of you who have
attempted to reach the WWF and yours truly tonight. I would like to
see this apology on the air and in every newspaper and we here will
apologize to our fans through WWF.COM as well as on the air.
WWFLive2: I'm sitting in Bill Banks office with a cup of coffee
in my hand that's cold, looking up at DX making some sort of gesture toward their crotch, what the hell is the matter with Bill Banks?
WWFLive2: Oops, Bill just told me to suck it!
WWFLive2: What does he mean by that?
WWFLive2: Perhaps Monica can help us out!
WWFLive2: And how about that Chris Rock anyhow.
WWFLive2: Just like he said, Bill Clinton gave Monica a job, oh
what the hell you can finish the rest. Speaking of jobs, what would I like to do to AOL at this moment, and who was that cold hearted women, Susan, that I just spoke to from AOL, who asked the questions, Did we promote, that Mr. McMahon was going to be on line tonight?
WWFLive2: That's it, I'm looking to get Bob Pitman in the ring.
How about it Bob, a Brawl for All, Pittman vs. McMahon. Knowing you, you'd probably cheat to win.
WWFLive2: It wouldn't work, just like this damn AOL isn't
working tonight.
WWFLive2: I have now begun to mumble to myself.
WWFLive2: I am boring myself out of my mind.
WWFLive2: Speaking of minds, what about that Blue Mankind?
How gullible is that guy anyhow, you want to talk messed up? I liked him better as Dude. At least Dude would shower regularly. Have you guys every smelled that stinky leather mask that Mankind wears. If you're anywhere in the first 10 rows, you have. It wasn't your neighbor flatulating next to you, it was Mankind's mask, Or, was it the aftermath of a Vader match? Or, was it the aftermath of a Vader match?
WWFLive2: If the canvas on the ring had not been changed in the
last month. and, Vader has been in the building, there will be an
odor. It's Vader Time. That sends shock waves through the WWF
lockerroom.
WWFLive2: Well it's almost time for me to go train, I must say
I thoroughly enjoyed the first five minutes of our chat. which was
interactive, just like the WWF will be interactive tomorrow with the hierarchy of AOL.
WWFLive2: If I were you I would demand a Christmas gift, a
birthday card, and an autographed picture of Bob Pittman. or Susan
whatsherface? who could not solve our problem tonight.
WWFLive2: I've got two words for AOL - SUCK IT!
WWFLive2: Wait a minute, that's Bill Banks line to me earlier,
I think he stole it from somebody else.
WWFLive2: I apologize for breathing in and breathing out and
wasting your precious time, but, perhaps, we can do it again some
other time, when AOL has their shit together.
WWFLive2: Mr. M: In the immortal words of Vince McMahon I hope it was better for you then it was for me. Goodnight.
