Ugh. One of my friends died on Saturday

[monkeystyle]

30 years old. What the fuck. No details as of yet beyond they found him dead in his apartment on Saturday afternoon. Fucked up.

Doesn't make any sense at all. Haven't even been able to sort my thoughts on the whole thing. I keep wondering about his manner of death and I'm not certain I want to know.

 

[PeepShow]

Was he a druggie?

 

[monkeystyle]

Nope. He was one of my few friends who were clean as a whistle.

I'm at the point where I can't get the idea of suicide out of my head and if I find out that he did actually kill himself I'm going to lose my shit.

 

[Luke Flywalker]

Sorry to hear about the loss man, sucks losing a friend, especially if you were close friends.

 

[Italian Outsider]

how did he die?

 

[monkeystyle]

We don't know yet. Everybody on his Faceboook page is dancing around it saying that out of respect for the family they're not saying anything. Which is why I'm thinking suicide and why I'm borderline furious right now.

 

[He who knows more than Nation]

My condolences.

 

[monkeystyle]

Thank you, Enzo.

 

[Rell]

Damn, sorry to hear that. Did he strike you as someone who'd commit suicide, or are you just assuming to make sense of it?

 

[monkeystyle]

Thank you, and it is pure speculation on my part.

Nah, dude's life was as solid as solid could be. Great girlfriend, awesome job, DJ on the weekends. But all of that means nothing in the face of severe or chronic depression. Which I did not recognise in him at all. Which I think also makes me sad because I should have seen that shit, or at least have had some kind of inkling.

 

[Luke Flywalker]

Oftentimes people don't even realize they are suffering from depression; or they're legitimately able to put on a game face around people. I had a friend who was depressed, we had no clue until we found him laying on a floor with his arms cut and pill bottles laying everywhere... happiest guy in our group of friends, or so we thought.

Point is, you shouldn't blame yourself or look at yourself as not doing enough or not noticing, if it is suicide. However much it means to you, praying for you to find peace and comfort in all of this.

 

[monkeystyle]

Found out yesterday that he killed himself.

Went into a black rage at the news and told a few friends later on drunkenly that I wasn't going to the fucking funeral. Feeling really bad about that right now. I'm definitely going but I'm just so goddamned angry right now.

 

[Luke Flywalker]

Wow, sorry man.

 

[This Guy]

That sucks man. Sorry to hear. It shouldn't and yet it still suprises me when you hear of these cases where the person seems to be all together and yet somewhere deep inside they have demons that sends them to their breaking point. I hope you find peace and the answers your looking for in this.

 

[Italian Outsider]

Did you find out the reason anyways?