The Chi-Town Massacre: WWE Extreme Rules 2012 Review

[We Are Legion]

Last night the WWE hosted it's annual pay per view where the line is crossed, the rules are tossed out the window, and (traditionally) anything goes in what is billed as the most extreme ppv of the year. I do miss the days where the April event was billed as "Backlash" as I always saw that as a more appropriate moniker to follow-up Wrestlemania, the biggest event of the year and much like last night, often hosts rematches of bouts from Wrestlemania. This year I definitely feel there were too many rematches. 2 or 3 rematches is fine, but 4? Though I guess you really can't count Sheamus/Bryan since their match at Mania only lasted a mere 18 seconds and really wasn't a match at all. But nonetheless...

The money match of the evening, which I'll get to at the end of this article, was WWE's golden boy John Cena in yet another high-profile, hugely-anticipated match against former UFC/WWE/NCAA Champion Brock Lesnar. I don't think I can remember a time where the WWE's top star was involved in such high-drawing affairs in back-to-back months, so that is definitely bragging rights for Cena fans. Not Hogan, Rock, or even Steve Austin ever had two matches of that magnitude back-to-back. Just about the only WWE star I can think of who even came close was Eddie Guerrero in 2004 who won the WWE Championship from none other than Brock Lesnar at No Way Out, then proceeded to defend his championship the following month at Wrestlemania XX against Kurt Angle. However, WMXX did not draw anywhere near the gate attendance or ppv buys that Cena/Rock drew at WMXXVIII and I'm really curious to see what the figures will look like for Extreme Rules in wake of Lesnar's in-ring return after 8 years. All things considered, this is definitely an exciting time to be a wrestling fan as the landscape of not only the television program, but the company itself has been drastically changing in recent weeks.

But on to the review...

Randy Orton v. Kane (Falls Count Anywhere)

If there is one match from Wrestlemania I really did not want to see again, this was definitely it. I'll just be blunt about it... these two have absolutely horrible chemistry together. As stated before in my WMXXVIII review, it should not be a surprise considering neither wrestler is technically-sound or has any history whatsoever in dazzling crowds with wide arrays of acrobatic feats. I have no issue with either of these wrestlers and I don't want to sound like I'm knocking their talent, but for whatever reason, sometimes two wrestlers just don't mesh well and this is definitely one of those instances. I wasn't looking forward to it for one other fundamental reason... Kane won cleanly at Wrestlemania. Why is Randy Orton even still persisting? After losing cleanly at the biggest event of the year, you really don't have a lot of room to drag this rivalry on. Even if Randy wins, so what? 90% of all rivalries that happen at Wrestlemania are determined by the outcome of the Wrestlemania match, not the B-side ppv the previous month or after. And just to restate again because I don't think it can be emphasized enough, Kane won that match CLEANLY without cheating and without use of weapons. Maybe he should have used weapons to beat Orton at Mania, because this rematch would have made a lot more sense if he had.

I've never liked matches that immediately leave the ring-side area and tumble backstage with roving cameramen following the action because it completely sucks the life out of the arena's crowd who are then reduced to television-viewers like all of us sitting at home and it's very difficult to regain their support if and when the wrestlers ever return to the ring. Just about every Attitude era fan can attest to this considering it happened at least 2 or 3 times per month up until around 2002. I get the match is "Falls Count Anywhere", just keep it in front of the crowd, okay? That's why they are THERE. You want to fight in the crowd, fine. You want to throw each other up and down the steps of section 247, fine. You want to beat the other guy to death with some crippled boy's walking stick, fine. But the vending machines, the concession stands, the Chicago Blackhawks' locker room, the other wrestlers backstage viewing the match on television... these are all areas we never need to go. It's not new anymore and it's not worth killing the crowd noise over. I doubt it was just to get Zack Ryder involved who really didn't contribute to the match with anything meaningful during his interference backstage.

Mercifully, the match finally ended after Orton executed and RKO to Kane on a metal folding chair laying flat in the middle of the ring. I am by no means an expert on grappling, but I would think a wrestler performing that particular move would be hurt a lot worse than the person he's performing it on considering Orton's head and back lands flat on that chair while Kane's head is cushioned by Orton's shoulder. If any part of Kane's body actually hit that chair, I would be surprised. I might sound like I'm over-analyzing given the nature of professional wrestling, but seriously... even Orton looked to be in pain when he could barely even pin Kane afterwards. I'm just hoping this was the final match of their feud because I'm not sure I could sit through another one without being even more negative than this.

Backstage segment with Johnny Ace, Eve, and Teddy Long

All I can say is LMFAO @ that obnoxious "Hello, my name is Teddy Long" sign hanging on Teddy's suit that's even bigger than his head. Teddy is seriously taking this role in stride like a champ. I can't wait to see where his story line with Johnny goes and it's definitely one of my favorite segments in recent weeks since Johnny Ace assumed total control of both Raw and Smackdown. It's okay to appreciate the humor at the expense of Teddy's dignity now, because it's inevitable all the degradation Teddy's been suffering will ultimately backfire on Johnny within the next year. It's an excellent way to keep Johnny a hated man.

Brodus "Funkasaurus" Clay v. Dolph Ziggler

The first thing I asked myself when this match started is "why is this match even on the card"? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the ridiculous "Funkasaurus" gimmick as much as anyone and the guy definitely emulates a big drunken club-hopping brontosaurus with jungle fever more than any man in the history of wrestling, but this "rivalry", if you could even call it that, has been nothing but a month-long burial of Dolph Ziggler and his associate Jack Swagger. These two men have wrestled several times in televised matches all month, so what was the point of this? There wasn't even an "extreme rules" stipulation to spice things up. I really didn't get it.

What made even less sense was the fact a title match was left off the ppv and regulated to YouTube, yet this match is something paying customers receive? Um... no. I would have much rather seen Santino Marella defend his United States Championship against Miz because at least that's a match I haven't already seen 3 times in recent weeks.

Brodus Clay picks up the win, nothing too special about this match either and about what you would expect. Swagger attempts to interfere, but it's not enough to stop the Funkasaurus who picks up a pinfall victory. Something tells me this will not be the last time Vickie Guerrero's loons tangle with this Jurassic Behemoth. I think that should also be another nickname for Clay to be called during match. "Jurassic Behemoth" t-shirts would definitely sell.

Intercontinental Championship: Big Show (c) v. Cody Rhodes - Tables Match

Wrestlemania rematch #2 of the evening. Big Show once again carries that ridiculously tiny Intercontinental Championship belt to the ring over his shoulder because I doubt there's any way he would not look like an overweight Power Ranger if he somehow managed to wear that thing around his waist. Nonetheless, Show's smug facial expressions and backstage comments prior to the match insist there is no way little Cody Rhodes could possibly put him through a table.

For the third bout in a row, I found myself completely and utterly uninterested in the match considering Show was basically just throwing Cody around the ringside area like a sack of potatoes for most of it with the typical slow pace tables matches usually move at. It didn't take me long to remember why I hate tables matches so much considering the wrestlers take more time toying around with the tables than actually wrestling one another, or so it seems. But when all seemed bleak with Cody getting decimated, clearly setting up for yet ANOTHER rematch between these two at next month's ppv, something completely awesome and utterly hilarious saved this match.

Show attempts to climb the ring apron back into the ring to finish off the smear job he has started on Cody, when out of desperation, Cody lands a weak dropkick on Show who slips, and steps back down to the floor to maintain his balance... planting his foot through a table. The referee sees this and awards the match and the Intercontinental Championship to Cody Rhodes who can barely stand up to hoist his Power Ranger belt. I loved this outcome for so many reasons, most of all the fact that it spits in the face at the very nature of a tables match, a match that is loaded with more loopholes and circumstantial fallacies than any other specialty match. TNA once did something like this with the First Blood match in 2008 when Samoa Joe lost a match to Tomko due to a tiny cut on his arm, despite completely dominating Tomko in a submission hold when the ref called for the bell. I liked both outcomes because both types of matches are honestly just plain damn silly.



WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus (c) v. Daniel Bryan - Best 2 out of 3 Falls

I missed how a "Best 2 of 3 Falls" is considered "extreme", but I'm not complaining for 2 reasons. 1) It's my favorite type of match. Hands down. And 2) To say their previous match at Wrestlemania was a "let-down" is a colossal understatement.

Very quality match here and my 2nd favorite bout of the night. Good back-and-forth action between these two and the Chicago crowd was strictly sided with their former ROH megastar Bryan. Even the pre-match backstage promo Bryan cut on the Chicago fans wasn't enough to keep the city from cheering for him during the match and completely booing Sheamus out of the building. Chicago might be CM Punk's turf, but those fans haven't forgotten what a guy by the name of Bryan Danielson did for the hometown indy promotion either and likely never will. Often during the match, the high-pitched "Sheamus" chants and low-pitched "Bryan" chants strongly resembled a John Cena match's crowd participation.

Eventually Bryan intentionally gets disqualified from the first fall for failing to heed the ref's instruction to back off his relentless punishment on a defenseless Sheamus. But with methods to his madness, Bryan immediately scores the 2nd fall via submission when Sheamus appeared to be unconscious after the brutal assault. Superb psychology in play on Bryan's part. Eventually Sheamus would rebound and score the deciding fall, successfully defending his championship. Sheamus did a fantastic job selling his arm injury throughout the 2nd half of the match, it's amazing how much of an expert this young man is with his relatively short career in WWE so far. He fits the mold of WWE's style like a glove. Just not very popular in Chicago apparently.

Wouldn't mind one more bout between these two at next month's ppv. It seems WWE has plans to keep the title around Sheamus's waist for a good long while, so I wouldn't be surprised if he moved on to another opponent either, freeing up Bryan to feud with his former girlfriend AJ in a mid-card grudge of some capacity.



Ryback v. Aaron Relic and Jay Hatton

Ryback wins. Whatever. Stupid match. Pointless opponents.

Really wish WWE didn't do shit like this on ppv's. And if they must, they should have used Lord Tensai since they've been doing stuff like this with him on television all month and he was absolutely nowhere to be found on this ppv, which didn't do any favors for the guy's momentum. Ryback? Really?



WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) v. Chris Jericho - Chicago Street Fight

Without a doubt, this was the match of the evening. This match was so unbelievable, no words can possibly do it justice. It was surprisingly better than their Wrestlemania match and I'm only disappointed at the fact that this feud might have reached it's conclusion last night with CM Punk retaining his title in front of his family and his hometown crowd.

For anyone who witnessed Money In the Bank 2011 last year, I do not even need to state the level of support Chicago puts behind CM Punk, but I will. It is without a doubt, the single most overwhelming reaction any current WWE star generates. It is the only crowd reaction that can legitimately give a viewer chills. I can only imagine what it felt like to be a fan in that building last night.

CM Punk wasted no time riling up the fans even further before the bell even sounded. Chris Jericho did an expert job at taking the fans out of the match for most of the match's onset, managing to remain in control for a good majority of it. Once again drowning a defenseless Punk with beer in the middle of the ring, relentlessly taunting him with personal attacks, spouting demented things like "look at your sister" who was sitting front row at ringside, even going so far as to get in her face at one point and smash Punk's head against the exposed railing in directly in front of her. This is Chris Jericho at his very best. Most people will remember this match for Punk, but I cannot emphasize enough how important Chris Jericho was to this match.

As a result of all this, we saw a side of CM Punk we rarely see... a very enraged, extremely aggressive side. Punk would go on to rip apart the announcers' desks like a man possessed, leap off the turnbuckle post down to the desk, and put Jericho through it. One of the very most dramatic parts of the match was when CM Punk singed in his Anaconda Vice submission hold in the middle of the ring, and Jericho escaping by reaching for a nearby kendo stick and smashing it relentlessly over Punk's head until it snapped in half and Punk released the hold. At that moment, the crowd was so immersed in the match, it was hard to not be jealous of them.

Finally Jericho's arrogance would be his un-doing as he attempted to land Punk's trademark GTS finishing maneuver on Punk, only for Punk to counter out of it and land his move on Jericho, then immediately score the pinfall. An ecstatic Punk then dove into the ringside crowd hoisting his championship belt, celebrating with his hometown fans. This will be a match people will still want to watch 10 years from now. Absolutely amazing.


Divas Championship: Nikki Bella v. ???

Prior to this impromptu match, Beth Phoenix taunted Nikki and Brie Bella backstage, ensuring them both she would regain her title as soon as she was medically cleared. I guess that's big talk from someone who lost to a friggin' Bella twin, but whatever. It was then announced Nikki would defend her title against a mystery opponent, and anyone with a computer and a memory was no doubt guessing Kharma aka Awesome Kong would be making her much-anticipated return from maternity leave.

Well... it wasn't Kharma. Instead Layla El of all people turned out to be the mystery opponent. Can't remember a time I've ever heard a crowd so displeased to see Layla, who is arguably one of the most attractive divas on the roster and hasn't been seen in over a year since her knee injury. "We want Kharma" chants permeated the arena as the match got underway. The Bellas attempt to pull their twin-sibling-switch-a-roo with Brie diving in the ring unbeknownst to the referee once Nikki was tossed outside. Layla immediately lands her neckbreaker finishing move on Brie and scores the pinfall, becoming new Divas Champion. Not a good match overall.

If I wasn't so sure the Bellas were leaving the company soon anyway, it would be a great excuse for them to keep their titles this coming week if they claimed Nikki was the champion and was technically never pinned... and how the match really should have ended in DQ from Brie's interference, which would mean Nikki is still the champion. Probably won't happen, but it could have worked I guess.


John Cena v. Brock Lesnar - Extreme Rules Match

Without a doubt the most anticipated match on the card. Lesnar returns to WWE action after an 8-year hiatus and Cena was looking to rebound of a disappointing Wrestlemania loss to The Rock.

Say what you want about this "match" and I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but I absolutely hated it. It was ugly in every sense of the word, I cannot wrap my head around how anyone could possibly say this was a good match. If there even was a match here, I must have missed it. It was nothing but a 20-minute torture/squash match with Lesnar completely and utterly annihilating a defenseless Cena.

Cena bled profusely from his head from the opening bell. Try to imagine playing Mortal Kombat against a CPU that doesn't fight back... or just your 2-player controller with no one controlling it. That's really all this match was. There was even a point where Lesnar tied Cena's feet together and suspended him from a turnbuckle by his ankles and proceeded to beat the living hell out of him. This match was so off the page, it's ridiculous. Chemistry between the opponents was completely unnecessary in this match, because for 99% of it, there was no opponent. There was Lesnar and a 250lb sack of meat. If you are one of those really demented anti-Cena fans who hates every single thing he's ever stood for to the point some people have questioned your sanity, you probably loved this match.

Even with full control of the match, Lesnar still couldn't keep himself from screwing up his own moves, even once tripping over the top rope and plunging to the ground below in a botch that could have left him paralyzed. But when you're Brock Lesnar, you just do what he did. Get up with a big stupid grin on your face and what the hell... try it again. Oh yes, this actually happened.

After 19 minutes of utter hell on Cena, somehow Cena turns the tide as only he can and manages to clock Lesnar over the head with his padlock chain necklace. This leads to Cena performing his finisher on Lesnar onto a set of steel ring steps that had been placed in the ring earlier by Lesnar and Cena scores an uncanny comeback win. The only match I could possibly compare this match to would be Razor Ramon v. The 1-2-3 Kid on that famous edition of Monday Night Raw in the early 90's... only much longer, much more violent, and a lot harder to watch.

After the match, Cena takes the microphone and explains that he is going away for a while and that it was a pleasure to get his ass handed to him in Chicago. Yeah, I'm not kidding about that either. But the one thing that didn't make sense to me is why Cena even won if he's taking time off, because you know... Brock is still going to BE THERE, right? Shouldn't Lesnar and Johnny Ace come away from that match looking strong so things seem much more dire to the WWE fans? Almost as if "Okay, Cena couldn't hold a candle to this guy, who in the blue hell can possibly stop this guy?" I thought so, but that doesn't seem to be the direction WWE wants to go for whatever reason. It seemed like WWE just wanted to spare those infant Cena fans in the front row who appeared completely horrified throughout the entire match and didn't want to scar those children for life if that massacre continued.

Overall, the ppv was enjoyable, but it was mainly Sheamus/Bryan and Jericho/Punk that did it for me. The rest of the card was lackluster and even contained a few matches I felt didn't even deserve to be on pay per view. Cena/Brock is definitely a match that will have people talking throughout the next couple weeks, but not for any honorable reasons.

Thank you for reading, also be sure to read my Wrestlemania XXVIII review if you haven't already and stop by next month for my Over the Limit review.

- We Are Legion

 

[~Fallen Angel~]

There isn't anything that I disagree with which isn't surprising since you and I were watching the pay per view together and share similar opinions. Generally, the pay per view was average. The only matches that made the pay per view interesting were Bryan/Sheamus and Punk/Jericho. Orton/Kane, Big Show/Rhodes, the divas match and every other match was boring and I don't have the time to comment on them in great detail; therefore I will solely comment on the matches that I liked and of course some aspects of the pay per view that disappointed me.

Kane/Orton: Why did we have to witness this awful match again? Orton and Kane have NO chemistry together. Their match at Mania was awful; hence I do not see why it was necessary to have them go at it again.

Brodus Clay/Ziggler: Yes, we get it....Brodus Clay has been on a pretty hot streak as of late but why was this match on the card? I would have preferred to have seen Santino vs. The Miz. Brodus/Ziggler could have been a match on Raw tonight. I understand that this guy's getting a huge push but the match was not interesting and certainly not worthy of being on a pay per view.

Big Show/Rhodes: What a joke. I couldn't stop laughing when Big Show lost by stepping on the table. It was so absurd. I am glad to see that Rhodes is the IC champion again though. Show looked ridiculous with that belt and I think Rhodes can do so much more as IC champ.

Bryan/Sheamus: Definitely my second favorite match of the night. It was great to see Daniel Bryan get so much support from the crowd. I was excited throughout the entire match and I thought Bryan's elimination strategy was very clever. I would actually love to see these two go at it again. I think they have a lot of chemistry and they can do so much more, especially considering that we never saw them go at it at Mania.

Ryback v. Aaron Relic and Jay Hatton: Yeah, I don't care. I missed this match because there were issues with our stream. I was surprised that this guy was on the card but Lord Tensai wasn't. The guy beat Cena 2 weeks ago;yet he isn't on the pay per view? It didn't make any sense to me.

Punk/Jericho: Match of the night! As you've said, Jericho is at his best right now. He has done so well since he came back by keeping the fans interested. He is an absolute asshole and there is nothing redeeming about him. I loved that he beat Punk in front of his family and that he taunted his sister. It was also great that he poured beer all over Punk and drank some himself. He is the best heel in the company right now because he has taken things so personally. He and Punk put on an amazing match. The chair shots, the use of the kendo stick, Punk jumping from the top rope onto the announcer's table....so many memorable moments. The only disappointing factor is that it seems Punk's victory has concluded his rivalry with Jericho which saddens me. I wanted Jericho to win so we could see the continuation of this feud. It is easily the best feud I have seen in years and it seems that after last night's outcome, it might be over. :n:

Nikki Bella/Layla: I really wanted to see Kharma return last night and beat the hell out of the Bella Twins but unfortunately, that did not happen. I was very disappointed. Yeah sure, Layla's back and she's pretty but I certainly don't care and neither did the Chicago fans. They wanted to see aggressiveness and they certainly did not get that with this match.

Brock/Cena: I have to agree that this match was not good. It consisted of Cena getting beaten for 20 months and Brock licking his blood. As you said, it really did feel like a Mortal Kombat game for a while. I actually started feeling bad for Cena because it just felt like he was being punished. It was great to see Cena finally retaliate during the last 5 minutes of the match but his victory over Brock did not make any sense to me. They kept saying that if Cena lost against Brock, he would never be the same again since he recently lost to The Rock as well which was the biggest match of his career; therefore wouldn't it have made sense for Cena to lose and take a break? It would make perfect sense since "he will never be the same again" and he needs time to figure himself out. Anyway, it was great to see Brock back and although, he made some mistakes, he showed how vicious he can be. I look forward to seeing more of him.

 

[We Are Legion]

I get the feeling Layla's going to be a place-holder for the Divas belt until Kharma comes back. I expect a Summer Slam match between Kharma and Beth, just really surprised she didn't return last night. Wouldn't say I was "bummed" either, because honestly I don't like WWE's current divas division. But Layla's return just irked me. I even thought it was Michelle McCool at first when the music hit.

 

[~Fallen Angel~]

I get the feeling Layla's going to be a place-holder for the Divas belt until Kharma comes back. I expect a Summer Slam match between Kharma and Beth, just really surprised she didn't return last night. Wouldn't say I was "bummed" either, because honestly I don't like WWE's current divas division. But Layla's return just irked me. I even thought it was Michelle McCool at first when the music hit.

I wonder if Beth was actually supposed to lose on Raw or if she lost because of her ankle. I would love to see Kharma/Beth though. That would be an awesome match!

 

[PHX]

Far as Brock/Cena goes had it maybe been built as a fight rather than a wrestling match then I would maybe agree with your sentiment on that part of it but the match ended up being how it was hyped up to be just happen to be and seeing Brock beat the shit out of Cena the way he did entertained me personally. As far as the outcome it all depends what they do with this to make say it was the right or wrong move to have Cena win. I do see why someone would say if Cena is going to take a break then why not have Brock win to be the new "face of the wwe" and just have Cena comeback months later to do the match again. But for now I'm gonna wait and see what they do.

Good review overall I think when it comes to Punk and Chicago I don't think there is a guy on the roster who gets more hometown love than he does it's pretty awesome to see how they always fully back him like he is a sports team that they are loyal fans of.

 

[Andrew]

Good review, some points I disagreed on but I won't go into it because it may cause a bit of spark and such.

Overall, really loved what you said for the majority of it.

 

[PHX]

I'm sure Cerbs would love a spark caused in his review to create discussion, lol. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[We Are Legion]

Yeah, a little spark never bothered me.