Smarkverse

[CakeWalker]

i meant Barrys.

 

[Comrade Khan]

i meant Barrys.

oh even better!

 

[Smart Marx]

Another ground shaking trade rocks the wrestling world!

It is with great sadness that NJPW parts ways with El Desperado, who will be reunited with his Suzuki-Gun brethren in Impact wrestling, as well as The Dirty Daddy Chris Dickenson who's debut was cut short due to injury at the hands of The Pinnacle. However, NJPW in return shakes up the Joshi division to its core, bringing an immediate world champion caliber athlete. Size, Beauty, Wealth and Style ticks all the boxes for this box office draw. Welcome to NJPW...

THAT BITCH! Jade Cargill​

Man, you said you wanted women.

I had more men I had available to offer, but in all seriousness, congratulations on the trade.

 

[Smart Marx]

That first line was to Juice, btw.

 

[Comrade Khan]

That first line was to Juice, btw.

lol figured. fwiw i offered her women and she didnt like. so i just went ahead and flipped the script with that offer

 

[Grimoire Lenin]

I eagerly await AWA to drop.

 

[CakeWalker]

fmpov - Chris and El Deperado for Jade.

is like someone giving me $1000 and me giving them $400 back.​

 

[Comrade Khan]

I eagerly await AWA to drop.

me too!

 

[Comrade Khan]

Small Joshi Scouting Report (I promise this is the last roster update today )

NJPW and Stardom have come to terms with two Joshi talent from Japan.

Freelancer and 19 year old phenom

Suzu Suzuki

veteran ass kicker

VENY/Asuka
​

 

[Smart Marx]

I certainly like the Suzi’s girls look.

 

[Comrade Khan]

I certainly like the Suzi’s girls look.

@Deth should tell ua about her

 

[Alexa]

I certainly like the Suzi’s girls look.

What you want to know about the future Deathmatch Joshi God?

 

[Alexa]

@Deth should tell ua about her

Would ask why you assume I know a lot about her, but...this time it is a fair play

 

[CakeWalker]

Impact #914

- For the third week in a row, Impact would be coming live from the Charles Dodge Center, Pembroke Pines (Florida). The show would begin with the entirety of Suzuki-gun standing in the ring (Suzuki, ZSJ, Archer, Benjamin & Rongai) with Archer standing a few steps forward microphone in hand and with the clear intent of speaking his mind. The Murderhawk Monster would be very angry as he would make it clear that Juice Robinson and the rest of the Bullet Club clowns had no business in jumping in the ring and spoiling a perfectly good match between The Good Brothers and Sabre & Suzuki. Archer makes it clear that it didn’t matter if it was Chris Bey, KENTA, Juice Robinson or Jay White wanted someone’s ass tonight.

- Archer would hand the microphone over to ‘Murder Grandpa’ with Minoru almost smiling as he started to talk. Suzuki would make it clear the desire of claiming the tag titles and a future rematch with the Good Brothers was now the last thing on his mind and that he wanted to thank Jay for stirring the pot and bringing his desire to hurt others his main focus once again. Suzuki would make it clear that the joint show in two weeks might be called Bound By Honor - but what he planned would result in the Bullet Club and Suzuki-gun being bound by violence. He would challenge the Club to bring six of their best versus six of his own in a good old fashioned elimination tag team match.

- The Bullet Club would emerge from the back, with The Good Brothers and Juice Robinson standing in the front. Juice would make it clear that if Archer wanted a fight tonight, then he was more than happy to oblige in beating the crap out of Lance and show him and the rest of the world just why there was no other choice but joining the Bullet Club or being a loser for life.

- Doc Gallows would take the microphone and make it clear that he might not be an academic, but he was more than capable of counting up to ten using just his finger and would proceed to count out all five members of Suzuki-gun in the ring before suggesting that perhaps Minoru grasp of English wasn’t very good because by his count he was only five man strong and not six. Suzuki would just smile and gesture for the rest of Suzuki-gun to follow him out of the ring and start walking up the entrance ramp towards the Bullet Club, with the club preparing themselves for a fight. Out of nowhere, having been disguised as part of the camera crew, Taichi would strike Karl Anderson from behind square in the neck in what would be like lighting a match in a room for a gas with an explosion of bodies coming together on the entrance ramp. It didn’t long for a mass of security to rush from the back and pull both units apart.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

- The camera cuts backstage to the office of General Manager Rockstar Spud, with the door open wide with Chris Ridgeway having taken a seat in front of Spud’s desk. Ridgeway would make it clear that he wanted a piece of the action at Bound By Honor considering the special relationship that existed between AAA and TNA and that he was open to suggestions. Before Spud could offer an answer, X-Division Champion Rey Mysterio would enter the office and place his belt down on the desk next to Ridgeway’s GHC National Championship. Rey would suggest that perhaps instead of just putting his belt on the line at Bound By Honor they should put in Ridgeway’s belt and compete in a Lucha Rules Match. First Fall for the X-Division Championship and the second for GHC National Championship - Fenix, Pentagon, Jr., Puma, Ridgeway and himself.

- Chris would smile and say he would welcome the chance of leaving with two belts, and that winning the X-Division Championship would be a nice bonus along with the fact that he had signed a short-term appearance deal with TNA. Ridgeway would make it clear though, that it seemed everyone in this match seemed to have friends. Rey and Fenix had each other, Mysterio and Prince Puma had a history, but he was coming in with nobody watching his back and for the sake of fairness wanted to bring someone he could trust into the contest - with both Rey and Spud both agreeing to these terms. Ridgeway would smile and pick up his belt and say that seeing as he is here tonight, he is more than happy to step into the ring and face one of the nerds from the X-Division.

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Finish: Both men would show that big men are more than capable of pulling off dynamic and athletic moves, with Tenay making the point that both men were very much core members of the X-Division. Luchasaurus would claim the win by nailing Mack with a Chokeslam, before following it up with Standing Moonsault to claim the victory.

- After the match, Luchasaurus would grab a microphone and make it clear that as much as he loved Jungle Boy like he was a brother to him - but for the time being he wanted to focus more on himself and remind the world that more than capable of making it as a singles wrestler. Luchasaurus would make it clear that it didn’t matter if it was someone from either ROH or AAA he was putting his name down as a man who wanted to prove himself from the otherside of the Forbidden Door.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

- Backstage a visibly beaten up Charlotte Flair would be joined by Hikaru Shida and Thunder Rosa in the interview area. Charlotte would make it clear that Kamille and her ‘House Made of Bricks’ had made a terrible mistake at attempting to take both herself and Hikaru out last week and that if they they should have gone all the way and put them out of action, because instead the attack had bonded her with Shida and they now shared hatred for the same person.

- Shida would begin to talk and make it clear that the Great American Bash was too far away - and that she wanted to get her hands on Kamille a lot sooner than their scheduled match for the NWA World’s Women Championship and would reveal that after speaking with D’Amore and Spud at Bound By Honor it would be herself, Charlotte and Thunder Rosa taking on Kamille, Penelope and The Bunny in a Six Woman Tornado Tag Match. Rosa would chime in and laugh and make it clear that Hikaru was her friend and she had no real need to get involved other than enjoying kick the ass of a trio of puta whores and that it would serve as good practise ahead of her match against Taya Valkyrie at Guerra de Titanes.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

- Miro would come out to the ring and cut a promo in which he would make it clear that he had a busy couple of weekends, but that he wanted to prove his worth and show that Eddie Edwards hadn’t been wrong in allowing him to challenge for the GHC Heavyweight Championship after losing to Josh Woods last week. Miro would request that Davey Richards face him tonight - and take on the role of Edward’s Gatekeeper. Richards wouldn’t shy away from the challenge and make his way down the ring, being accompanied by his American Wolves partner who would be in his corner for the contest.

Finish: Miro and Davey Richards would put on a great technical contest with it seeming to turn into a strange submission contest with both men showing off their arsenal of holds and locks with Don West noting that if this match had taken place on ROH: Elite it could have easily been a Pure Rules match. The match would end with Miro looking Richards in The Accolade and getting him to tap out.

- After the match Eddie would climb into the ring and both he and Miro would have a faceoff off - but Miro would walk over to Richards and help him back to his feet and the two men would shake hands. This would seem to impress Edwards who would shake hands with Miro.

- Davey would remain in the ring after the contest and cut a post-match promo. Davey would make it clear that Miro had more than proven himself as being worthy of challenging Eddie for his belt, but a loss to Miro was not befitting of a man who had been considered as a challenger for a world championship and for the respect for the prestige and history of the ROH World Championship he was going to have to turn down Gresham’s offer for a shot at the championship - but wished him the best of luck against Bandido at Honor Rising.

- Davey thought it would make it clear that he clearly had to shake away the cobwebs and that he needed to really test himself. He knew that Miro had only recently lost to Josh Woods and he needed to know if he was capable of beaten the current Master of the Pure Division and hoped that Josh would agree to face him in a Pure Rules Contest and that it didn't matter if the title was on the line or not, because this was about honor.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

- Cameras would catch Kyle O’Reilly and Bobby Fish trying to break into the building, only for the pair to find their path blocked by Beer Money Inc. Roode and Storm make it clear that they have been paid a large bounty by the ‘Top Dog’ on the basis that they prevent reDRagon and make it clear there is no chance they are entering the building - as the point to a team of security standing just down the hall. Roode makes it clear though, that rather than worrying about The Usos and doing whatever ‘Daddy Cody’ told them to do, perhaps they should prove themselves as real men and face that at Bound By Honor. Fish laughs at the suggestion that Beer Money would be a challenge, but makes it clear that he and Kyle will have no problem in reminding everyone why reDRagon truly are the elite tag team in 2022.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

Finish: VanZant had prove to be the most challenging opponent yet for Max the Impaler having beaten her two weeks earlier, and it would be noted that she had not been accompanied to the ring by Becky Lynch who West would claim that Becky had joined Toxic Attraction to a Spa break somewhere in The Hamptons. Out of nowhere, Ronda Rousey would slide into the ring and with a chain wrapped around her fist would punch Paige square in the nose causing the match to end via DQ straight away.

- Before a further beatdown could take place, Mercedes Martinez would run out from the back with a chair in hand that would result in both Max and Ronda clearing the ring, but Martinez would look pissed as she would demand a microphone. Martinez would make it clear that she hadn’t made the save out of friendship, but rather out of her desire to be part of the match at Bound By Honor. Mercedes would make it clear that once she was in the same ring as Becky Lynch - Spud would be left with no choice, but to give her a future shot at Becky and the TNA Knockout’s Championship.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

- Rockstar Spud would make an announcement from his office regarding the nine new Knockouts who had recently signed with TNA. First we would announce four Joshi signings in AZM, Lady C, HZK and Saya and would reveal they had formed a faction known as Josei Teikoku (Female Empire).

- Spud would then introduce five more Knockout who had all signed separate contracts with the promotion - Kayla Sparks, Brittany Blake, Ludark Shaitan, Session Moth Martina and Shazza McKenzie

- Spud would then inform the fans that along with this expansion of the Knockout’s Division a second tier belt would be up for grabs in the coming weeks following Bound By Honor with the inaugural TNA Women’s Nex Gen Champion being revealed as the new belt and showcased in a slick video package.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

Finish: Lancer Archer would be joined by Shelton Benjamin when he came to the ring, but Juice would be joined by an unexpected second as he pointed towards the back - only for none other than Scott Norton to come out from the back dressed in Bullet Club gear. Archer would be violent and brutal in his approach, but Robinson would prove himself to be the more technical and precise wrestler and would claim the win by hitting Archer with Pulp Friction (Inverted double underhook facebuster).

- After the contest Juice would take to the microphone and introduce the fans to the sixth and final member of the Bullet Club’s team at Bound By Honor Scott Norton and would make the point that he wished he had someone as skilled and capable as Norton to be his tag team partner.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

- Ultramantis Black would make their way out to the ring and would once that ‘the great portal’ had been opened - but he was willing to offer Zicky Dice the chance to lead the army as it came from the other side.

- Zicky would come out from the back and make it clear that he was not interested in any sort stupid deal and that as the Global Champion he saw no benefit in associating with a band of fools and he was more than capable of creating an Outlandish Paradise by his own volition. Ultramantis would challenge Dice in his confidence, that if thought so little of ‘the great portal’ then he would have no problem putting his belt on the line against one of the first men to have stepped through the portal. Dice would laugh at the idea of him losing the belt to one of Black’s losers and would welcome the challenge - smoke would bellow out as from the back would emerge Dalton Calton making his first appearance on TNA since 2015.

Finish: Zicky Dice would be really tested by Dalton, and it was clear that he had massively underestimated who might have been coming through ‘the great portal’ with Dalton really pulling out all the stops and leaving people questioning why Castle had been kept under wraps until now. Ultramantis Black would leap up onto the ring apron holding the Global Championship and would distract the referee - that would allow for The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) to emerge from the crowd and proceed to start pummeling down on Dice with blows before nailing him with Mummification (Double ranhei) before sliding out of the ring unseen. Castle would climb onto the turnbuckle and nail Dice with Anchors Away (Diving Headbutt) to claim the victory and become the new Global Champion.

- After the match Ultramantis would have Amasis and Ophidian join Dalton in the ring - where he would introduce them as the ‘League of Extraordinary Wrestlers’ but would make it clear that ‘the great portal’ was still open - and there were still travelers still yet to make their way through. Mantis would make it clear that another door was also open, one of ‘Forbidden Variety’ and would make it clear that Dalton is willing to challenge anyone from Ring of Honor and put the Global Championship on the line with the hope they would offer more of a challenge than Zicky Dice.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

Finish: Ridgeway and Knight would feature in a great contest, with the fans getting their first introduction to Ridgeway and the fans would learn how skilled in submission Ridgeway was as he would claim the win by tapping Knight out with the Regal Stretch.
- After the contest, Prince Puma would come out to the ring and it looked as if the two men were about to lock heads only for a masked man to slyly roll underneath the bottom rope and proceed to knock Puma to the mat with a Forearm Smash. With Puma down, the masked man would reveal himself as Tony Deppen. Deppen would grab a microphone and make it clear that he was here to watch Chris’ back and stop TNA and ROH from pulling any nonsense at Bound By Honor.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

- Backstage, The Kingdom would host a private backstage for Adam Cole that would act a celebration of Cole being reunited with Taven and Bennett - but with Matt Hardy in the fold perhaps they could even convince Vincent to come back into the fold especially now he seemed more agreeable considering he was willing to bring someone like Jay Lethal into the fold. Before Taven could offer a response, Chase Owens, Bad Luck Fale, Yujiro Takahashi and Hikuleo would walk through the door and crash the party wielding nightsticks as their welcome gifts.

- The Kingdom would do their best to fight off the Bullet Club, with Fale making it clear that this is what happens when you stick your nose in Club business. Eventually, Cole and The Kingdom would manage to break for the exit but rather than chase after them the Bullet Club would instead decide to trash the room and all the decorations that had been setup for Adam’s party. Fale would shout in the camera and make it clear that this is what happens when you stick your nose in Bullet Club business.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

Finish: Jey would offer much more of a challenge than his brother had the week previously, and would offer more of a fight - but it was Page who was noticeably the better man and would claim the victory by connecting with the Buckshot Lariat.
- After the match, JR Kratos would emerge from the back with it being heavily implied that he was the next man who had been sent by Roman and would be the fourth test for ‘Hangman’ in his quest to earn an audience with the ‘Top Dog’.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

- Kenny King and Amy Rose would cut a promo where he would personally wish the best of luck to Andrade, Naito and Rush ahead of their tag team defense of the Never Openweight 6-Man Tag Team Championships this weekend at Honor Rising. King would make it clear that it didn’t matter if it was Los Ingobernables de Azteca, La Facción Confederada de América or La Faccion Ingobernables because they were an extended family and when one of them won they all won and when they suffered a lost they all lost. King would make it clear next week two more men would join the Confederada and everything within the Familia would improve with just one click of the fingers.

- | - | - | - | - | - | - | - | -

- Randy Orton would cut a heated promo from the ring, in which he would make it clear that Pac was an embarrassment for ever allowing someone from another company to win the TNA World Heavyweight Championship, but also just to stand by and allow it to happen when he was still capable of carrying on an fighting for the prize. Randy would make it clear that Pac was scared of success and that was why he had allowed Alexander to beat Moose without intervening. Randy would make it clear that he would rather show his frustrations through actions rather than words, so would suggest that Pac bring out his limey ass from the back and come and face right now in tonight’s main-event.

Finish: The match would be a thrilling contest, that would go past the fifteen minute mark and would prove that both men were at the top of the game and two of the best that TNA had to offer. Orton would attempt to finish the match with the RKO - but PAC would counter it that would result in Orton falling forward and bumping into the referee dropping them both to the mat. Moose would emerge from the crowd wearing a tee with the text ‘Bitch Lesnar’ and would slide into the ring and nail Pac with a Spear before rolling out of the ring. Orton would push back up and unaware of what had happened would nail PAC with the RKO to bring an end to the contest.

- Moose would clamber back into the ring and help Randy beatdown Pac in the middle of the ring, only for Josh Alexander to rush down from the back to make the save with Orton and Moose exiting the ring. Rather than being thankful, Pac and Alexander would have a heated stare down as the show would come to a close. ​

 

[CakeWalker]

without blowing my trumpet - that is 100% the episode of Impact that I am most happy with.