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Side Match #7
The Predator vs. Keith Hanson
IGF Genome14 - February 5, 2011
The Predator vs. Keith Hanson
IGF Genome14 - February 5, 2011
When people talk about "what's the worst match ever committed to video" there's a lot of answers given. Jenna vs. Sharmell, Cole vs. Lawler, Steinblock vs. One Warrior Nation, even those morally reprehensible shooty gorefests like Knuckles vs. Levy or Yoshiko vs. Yasukawa get mentioned. Here's one I've seen mentioned in passing, but no one really analysing as to what went wrong. All that's said was that this match was so bad that Inoki himself came to ringside and loudly demanded that they stop wrestling. Why did this happen? Guess we'll have to find out. Also, yet another weird matchup. If I asked you "on which card did Luke Gallows and Sylvester Terkay face each other?" you'd probably respond "that's impossible, they were never actually on WWE's main roster at the same time". That's the power of IGF, baby. Let's get this over with.
Terkay shows up with a chain and attacks a bunch of plants. Gallows attacks him as he enters, and that's how the match starts. Naturally, the opening is brawling, with forearms galore. Terkay gets the advantage early but Gallows fights back. Gallows tries to shoulderblock Terkay but he just bounces off, and eventually Terkay powerslams him for a two count. Terkay's movements are slow and plodding - maybe he's gassed already - but Gallows is a bit more spry. Gallows clotheslines Terkay out. Gallows eventually is dragged out with him, and we get a bit of good old-fashioned American-style walk and brawl. Complete with faces being bashed against the guardrail!
Once they're all walked and brawled out, Terkay downs Gallows with side kicks and a headbutt. Gallows tries to toughly no-sell on his knees but gets eye-raked. Terkay slaps on a long bodyscissors, and honestly, it doesn't feel any slower than anything else he's done this match so far. That's the level of rotten he is. Gallows eventually gets a back suplex for two. Then an elbow drop for one. I hope I'm not giving you the false impression that much of anything is happening in this match, because it isn't. They do the turnbuckle-charge-dodge spot but Terkay is so slow doing it I'm shocked Gallows didn't just stop in his tracks. Terkay hits a slow, sloppy Alabama Slam for two. Not long after that, he breaks out that preserve of the glacially-paced big man of yesteryear... the BEARHUG! And then another slam for two.
Gallows takes control with an uppercut and a butterfly suplex, followed by a leg drop for another two count. You could write a novel in the gap between offensive manoeuvres in this match. Two novels if Terkay's in control. Speaking of, he applies a Texas Cloverleaf in super-slo-mo. The crowd is still being remarkably polite about this. There's a series of Terkay cornered headbutts that I don't really see Gallows selling. Gallows gets a clothesline for a one count that's very close to two. He goes for a splash but Terkay gets the knees up. Terkay gets on one knee and says "YEAH" to the crowd as if he's done anything impressive. He slowly charges the corners to get more knees in, then takes a good long while to hit a mat slam.
Ring announcer says 10 minutes have passed - this is a 30 minute time limit, right? Heaven forbid... At this point both men are definitely gassed, somehow less mobile than Tiger Mask in his match. Gallows hits a big boot and suplex, that forces a rope break. Terkay hits a front suplex, but the way he crawls makes Triple H at WM19 look like he's got a spring in his step.
And here comes the reason this match is still talked about in some form. Inoki shows up with a face like a trout, grabs a chair, and loudly bangs it against the guardrail, while shouting angry Japanese as well as phrases like "STOP IT", "BULLSHIT", and "FUCK IT"! My response too. Gallows takes the hint and brings it home. Inoki continues to let everyone know at the top of his voice that he thought that match was awful. He goes over to Chono and slaps him, clearly he was to blame. I don't think Chono will last much longer as booker.
So yeah, that was the fabled "match so bad that Inoki stopped it"! And yeah, it was a slog! It wasn't just that it was an obvious WWE style match for a crowd that couldn't care less about that type of wrestling - it was a terrible WWE style match. Not full of botches like the dirt-worst I mentioned above, but that means there's none of the levity either. Truly worthy of being considered one of the disasters of wrestling.