Unknown Location, April 20, 2002 
It was there that I looked up in this odd consciousness, I could feel the light fading the deeper I went into the water. The next thing I know, I was falling; falling from where I know not. I won’t lie though, it was oddly peaceful. Perhaps death is like this in some fashion? Everyone sees it as horrible and destructive, but it’s a cycle of life after all. It is the finality of it all, that perhaps some are fearful of. There are those who don’t wish to die, and would like to go on forever… but that isn’t what this is about, is it? As I fell, I was fully aware; I could see myself slowing to a crawl as if time slowed down. Inevitably, I hit the ground with a sloppy thud. A voice called out to me from afar. It wasn’t just afar though, it was all around. An echo chamber of this tonal beckoning. As I sat up and turned my head, this void of surreal darkness appeared before me. From beyond, there was only darkness, yet I could see in its entirety. The voice beckoned me to come once more, and entranced by curiosity and desire, I followed. Through the bright darkness, I finally came across a stony seat and table, misshapen and near moss-eaten. Like thunder, and yet like a gentle whisper, the voice called out. ???: “Be seated and I shall come.” This voice was strangely familiar, yet it felt as though I had never heard it before. Hesitantly, I made myself seated on the farthest end of this stone circle. With a wisp of black smoke, a figure formulated from across this place. Before my eyes, I witnessed a great conflagration from the smoke, a fiery window into nothingness. As the fire died, the figure standing across from me became more visible. With awestruck fear, I beheld him, a face of eerie conspicuousness, and a body twisted, elongated, and sharpened by time. As if looking back from a terrible mirror of distortion, I saw… me. I was looking at my own twisted and dark reflection. This thing stared into my soul, as I stared back into it, unable to turn away from this horrible demonization of reality. As his mouth fell agape, my own voice followed, drenched in static and feedback as though a broken amplifier followed the words. ???: How sad it is that we must meet in these… circumstances. Do you know where you are, child? Brian: I don’t know what is going on. All I remember was I was drowning, and now I’m here. Who are you? The figure ran his hand against the table, picking some peat moss left on it, before lighting it ablaze and brushing it off. This figure used not candles, matches, or lighters to bring the moss to flame… but merely his fingers. It was a show of force, and he was signaling that he was in control and that I was at his mercy if he so deemed to be in a charitable mood. It was mere fear and terror divine that pleased him, and I so willingly gave him his due. ???: You may call me… well, whatever you wish. I drew a blank, not able to muster a name until the last second. I don’t even remember why I came up with that stupid name, but alas, it was a name that stuck, as miserable and unreflective of the being as it was. How could I name something so inhuman… that. Brian: Humanity then, I will call you Humanity. The figure twisted his expression to contemplation before giving out a hardy laugh. He stood up and gave a wretched smile towards me, broken and empty of all joy in the world, but filled with the implication of being impressed with my blase answer. Humanity: A very ill-fitting name, but I like it very much. It has class, it has a little more feeling to it. So it shall be, child. You may wonder where you are and why it is you are here in the first place? I’m not one to mince words, frankly, child; this is the domain of darkness, a world between the living and the dead. Brian: You’re full of shit, you’re telling me I’m dead or something? Humanity: Word to the wise, boy, hold your tongue and don’t act high and mighty in the face of someone who decides your fate. As it stands, you are no longer living, but you are not quite dead. That is where I come in, dear boy. Brian: You? Either I’m dreaming, or I really must be dead– Humanity: You may think of this world as a dream of sorts, dear boy. Those that lay dying do dream before they pass. Fortunately for you, I have followed your life very carefully. Not to mention, I have seen what is to come with you. You have the potential for greatness. Brian: So much for potential considering I guess I’m at the point of dying, huh? Also, stop calling me dear boy, my name is– Humanity: Not so fast, there is an opportunity for you to continue your life if you so choose. As for your name, I already know it, there simply is no need to say it. Brian: Fine then, have it your way. What opportunity are you even talking about? Humanity: Have you any idea how terribly boring it must be in this world of nothingness? It’s difficult enough to find pleasant conversation and entertaining activities in this place. I have been here for years, and I wish to leave it once more. You, dear boy, are my opportunity. You are the first to come into this place in decades, and what you see is merely what is here. This meeting place, and the great expanse of emptiness. I must admit, it is terribly dull to wait. I wait no longer, however. You are my exit. You are my way out. Permit me a piece of yourself, so that you may live, and I may leave. Brian: That sounds like an easy deal for an idiot. You’re the same as the devil, asking for the souls of others so that you gain more power. What makes you think I’d say yes? The being laughed right in my face. It was a horribly distorted and demented laugh, and I understood the name of the game right then. This wasn’t some dream, and this wasn’t just a hallucination before death. I was facing some terrifying figure that was sentient. His horrible reflection of my face should have tipped me off enough, but by God, that laugh shook me to my core. Humanity: Do you think you have any power in this place? Any agency of your own? The way I see it, you have no choice. You either accept my demands, or you die and never return to the land of the living. Brian: What will you do if I accept? What is your goal? Humanity: I merely wish to entertain myself in the world above. To return to the land of the living so that I may entertain myself with those same peoples. If I may be frank, I’m bored and want some excitement outside of this realm for once. Don’t blame me for suffering from such “human” moods; having known your species for so long, it was inevitable I would “adopt” their ideas and even accrue many of their ideals at some point. Brian: Hold on, you're telling me your whole spiel comes down to the fact you're bored and just want entertainment. Humanity: Oh, excuse me, have you been stuck in a plane of nothingness for over 13 years since the last guy you were a part of happened to pass on? Look at this child, so high and mighty. Now give me your body so we can get out of here already. Brian: Just a moment… suppose I refuse? Humanity: Death is all that awaits you if you refuse, boy. I don't see how you being so youthful would wish for that. It truly is a simple decision. At the time, I panicked and thought there was another way out. I don’t regret the decision I ended up making, because I knew that even as slight a chance as there was, I could leave alive. Surely Mortis would be entertained by the idea of a duel. Brian: I challenge you then! If all I have is a choice, then I want the chance to leave without taking you with me. It isn't an unreasonable demand. Humanity: You challenge me? A mere child standing against that who would seal his fate so easily? That twisted figure came closer towards me and twisted a toothy grin in my direction, a cackle of horrible intent following behind. He clearly was impressed by this last-ditch effort I had thrown out there. Humanity: You have such spirit– Very well then. I grant you but one opportunity, the chance to leave here alive without me. But be forewarned, if you lose, I will return with you; a deal is a deal, and in this world, it cannot be broken. Brian: If it's all I have to get away from you, then I'll gladly take it. Humanity: I decide the conditions then… and we shall battle in one of the oldest games known to your species… chess! I should have known back then that clearly Mortis liked differing interpretations of Death, and this was merely his way of getting at my goat. Unfortunately for him, I never actually had seen the Seventh Seal, where Antonius Black challenged Death to a game of chess. The similarities between the movie and this situation were interestingly similar, however, and had I realized at the time, I know not how I would have reacted. In retrospect, my fate was sealed the moment that dread god called for chess. I merely didn’t realize that the person I was before would be gone forever in the place of this new form. Brian: Why chess, exactly? Humanity: It is a game meant for the wise, the witty, and for those who are strategically minded. I have no doubt this will be a very enlightening game, boy! The thing sat back across this moss-eaten stone table, and with a flick of the fingers, a fiery blaze spread across the mesa. The flames licked and lapped at me, but they didn’t sting; this world and that thing would not permit me to come to harm; was it perhaps I couldn’t actually be harmed in this place? After all, this place was like a world for the comatose; not some Nightmare on Elm Street dream world. As the flames died down, a twisted and distorted board appeared, with wiry and sharpish crystal pieces placing themselves upon it… it was as it looked to be: A chessboard, ready for play. A devilish and malicious smirk draped itself across that thing’s face, and a long, broken finger pointed towards me. Humanity: As the challenger, I shall permit you the white pieces, and the first movement, may the better man win. With that, the game began. It was my last chance to save my identity, to keep myself whole, and I was going to play for my life. I moved a pawn forward and awaited his move; after some time, the small conversation began. Hopefully, I could have garnered some clarity and understanding as to the nature of this thing. Brian: Tell me, who are you exactly? Humanity: I go by many names, though I do thoroughly enjoy your interpretation for me. Understandably though, you may need to be more specific with that line of questioning, it can mean a lot of things. That statement he made really made me understand that the question wasn’t as simple as previously believed. I, a young teenager having found myself in this situation, asked that dread god the question with many answers. As our pieces moved during our conversation, I noticed I was at a slight advantage, primed for a better position compared to its pawns and knights. I had to keep my expressions at a minimum, so as not to give them any ideas. Brian: Alright, what is it you do? Humanity: Well, aside from being bored in this plane of darkness, I merely exist. Men through history have worshipped me as some form of deity for their own religions though. I care not for people’s own interpretation of my existence, it matters not. Have you ever imagined what it is like to live forever? To be beyond the shackles of mortality? Brian: Not really, I’m 15, I don’t really think about those sorts of things. But I find it interesting you don’t really have an identity, huh? Humanity: Identity is a mortal concept, I have names, I have titles, but identity is subjective in the mind of man. People’s identities change with time, and some change them themselves. In due time, that will become more of a commonality than you will realize. People will find their true identity, not just that which society tells them they should be. Brian: I don’t understand a single thing you’re talking about. Humanity: That was the idea, dear boy, after all, the point was to confuse and distract you. Especially since you made a grave mistake. Just like that, his chess pieces moved and struck, taking out key pieces on my board. I could not believe my eyes. Just like that, that slight advantage was gone, and I was on the losing end. I realized the mistake I made; I was about to be humbled by this dread god. Who I would be before would be lost forever. I still fought… I fought against the tide of failure, even if I knew I couldn’t win. Brian: Why do you need me in particular? Couldn’t you take anyone else? Humanity: I spoke on it before, you have potential, and I enjoy your fight. You weren’t just chosen by me arbitrarily. You were destined for this. To become my vessel. Do keep battling though, it only endears me further. Brian: Was all of this pre-determined? Nearly dying? Just so you could take control and escape? Humanity: There are no pre-determined deaths in the world, things happen for a reason, but never are they planned by some divine power. Brian: You just said earlier I was destined for this… certainly you had to have some control over the outcomes. Humanity: You ask very important questions, but perhaps you are not quite ready for the answers to them. In due time, you will discover them yourself… when you are ready, of course. With that, I feel it is time to end this little charade, my dear boy. With a clink, I watched with horror as his queen forced my king into a checkmate. It was the end, and I knew it. It was all over. My identity and who I was before were about to be wiped away in favor of this dread god. My face fell in dismay as I buried my head in my own hands. I lost; God forbid whatever it was this horrible thing was going to do to me. I felt a hand, cold and rigid clasp my hand. As I looked up, the face which was once distorted and horrifying, settled slowly into a picture-perfect reflection of myself. The only difference I could see was sharper expressions, and those brown beady eyes staring directly back towards me. Humanity: You fought to the end, and I must admit, I found myself rather entertained by you; perhaps I need not control you entirely. After all has been said and done, you are your own person, and the fact you fought to the bitter end I praise you for. However, it is time for us to leave this plane together, Brian Zewbowski. You may call me Humanity if you wish, now that it is… slightly fitting for my name. A bright flash of light struck us and a bright miasma pierced the dark world surrounding us. I could feel our beings pulling together, and the next thing I knew, there was nothingness once more. I was not in the plane of darkness anymore. My eyes were simply closed; it was a struggle to peel them open, but when I did, I awoke to the tiles of a ceiling. They were white and sterile, so unlike that place I had been before, this ceiling looked to be untouched by the cold hand of death. As it happened, I was in the hospital. Someone pulled me out and saved me, and I had actually been in the hospital for a few days… I didn’t understand how much time could pass so quickly, but I know now that time is a strange thing in other planes of existence. It was the beginning of this new form of mine. The Brian Zewbowski of old was dead, and it was at that moment that I lost track of the answers to “Who am I?”. |
Ocean Center, Daytona Beach, Florida, the night of Manifest Destiny I remember the moment that turned my thoughts around and made me begin to find the answers within myself. It was a moment of pride from another person; perhaps the most important person in my life. I had been in my locker room, stuck in a rut, wondering how I could motivate myself in this upcoming match against Shinzo… not only that, how could I keep myself motivated to see things through to the finals. These fleeting thoughts kept me distracted from attaining the dream I had fought so hard for. Sarah had entered my locker room to get my attention. At the time, she obviously wished to warn me, but I was too stubborn until it was too late. Sarah: Hey Brian, you got a minute, there are some folks that wanna see you. Brian: Can they wait until after this match? Sarah: You’re gonna want to see them now. Before I had even a chance to speak, my ex-wife entered through the door. Stacy Kobain, who I hadn’t seen in years since the divorce. Her casual clothes still looked striking on her. What the hell, you know, she was almost the same age I am, and she certainly didn’t look it. Her expression was somewhat stern and unmoving, however. She did not feel it necessary to see me; what could she have been here for, I wondered at that moment. Brian: … Well, now I see what you mean. Stacy, nice to see you again. Stacy: Hello Brian; it’s–... been a while. Brian: It has been a while, hasn’t it. I guess you’re here to support me in this important moment of my life, aye? Stacy: I’m not gonna lie, Brian, I don’t know about myself. You’ve changed though, that much I can tell. Sarah’s told me all about what you’ve been up to. You’re clean, have a new perspective on life, and hell, you’ve managed to accomplish so much recently. I have to admit I’m impressed with you, Brian. I’m not here to see you though; someone else is, and she asked that she see you in private. That last sentence did something to my heart, I must admit. I could feel it beating so damn fast, man. The blood pumping through my body ran so cold as if I was deep-frozen in that moment of anticipation. It… was something I had been waiting for for so long. This was “her” we were talking about. Brian: … You don’t mean–? Sarah: This is so exciting, Brian~! You get to see her again! Now you better behave, mister. Stacy tapped Sarah on the shoulder and pulled her through the doorway, leaving it open. A few long, anguishing seconds passed… and then “she” entered through the door, closing it behind her. Lo and behold, before my eyes were my flesh and blood; it was the daughter I hadn’t seen in years: Celestia. She grew so much, I almost didn’t recognize her; it was her eyes though. Those beautiful blue eyes looked at me with awe and an exciting flurry of emotions. Admittedly, seeing her made me lose my own emotions for a second. We stared at one another in solemn silence, before her mouth opened, and broke that agonizing silence. Celestia: Hey, dad– It’s me. Brian: Of course it’s you, Celestia– You look so grown-up last time I saw you, but how could I ever forget the face of my beautiful girl? We struck ourselves out in a warm embrace. The beating of our hearts met at that moment. We both had not seen each other for so long, but we both knew there was still love for one another. After so long in this tight hug, we pulled away, I had been desperate to know why she was here, why now? Perhaps I already knew that answer though. Why wouldn’t I know it? On the day of the biggest moment of my life, next to my daughter’s birth, why wouldn’t she come to see me? I suppose it was my desperation to hear the words from her own mouth. Her face, which had grown so much but still had those soft cheeks, brunette hair, and beautiful blue eyes, looked up at me with such happiness. Brian: You’re here to watch me out there, huh? Celestia: No duh, dad! Do you think I’d miss this moment for anything else in the world? I couldn’t believe I heard her right the first time. My daughter specifically came to see this moment of mine, a light in the darkness of my despair with all those damnable doubts. What had I done to deserve her love and appearance, after all? I was a deadbeat dad; I was a nobody, I could have been a nobody to her; here she is gracing me with her presence though. Was I really worth it? Brian: I– Never realized… It’s just, I never was… the best father after all these years. It was always just you and your mother; I was barely ever around. Celestia took her hand and wrapped it around mine. It was significantly smaller than mine, though, of course, I was significantly taller than her. 6’6” is nearly a whole head taller than 5’7”, admittedly. That was such an insignificant detail though; it was her soft touch that embraced my hand that moved me. Celestia: Dad– You have been through a lot in life. I used to be mad at you for so long until I finally learned what you suffered through. You’re not a terrible person, you’re like anyone else. You made mistakes and yet… I watched you come back and get stronger. Brian: You… watched me? Celestia: Mom always told me that you were going through a tough time, but when you came back in the ring, I had to see if you had finally gotten better. Sarah even told me how better you’ve become. I knew if you ever got to this point, dad, I’d be there for you. Dammit, if I didn’t cry before, I swear I cried then. I felt those tears coming from my own eyes; she wiped them away with her gentle touch. I had not cried in a long time, I don’t even remember when. I have awoken scared, frightened, and terrified at night, but never have I cried… perhaps when my own father died was the last time I truly cried. I simply don’t know… Brian: You don’t really mean that, Celestia… I was a deadbeat and a no-good rotten father. Celestia: Even then, the mistakes of the past don’t make you who you are now. What you do to move past those mistakes is what makes you who you are now. She struck at the matter; if there was any doubt she would ever be my own daughter, those ideas would have been dashed immediately at that moment. She definitely was just like me in some ways, quick and insightful. Brian: Who I am… I must admit… sometimes I don’t really know who I am. Even now, I struggle with that question. Celestia: Dad, you’re such an idiot. Who you are is someone who… I’m proud of, not for what they were, but who they are now. An arrow pierced my heart with those words attached. She said what I had hoped and prayed she would someday say to me, and she said it so willingly. I needed this; it was refreshing and it gave me something new to find solace in. Brian: Celestia– say that again. Please… Celestia: Dad… I’m proud of you. I’m proud to be your daughter. No matter what happens tonight, win or lose… who you are, dad… is a champion. You’re a champion, after all you’ve been through, and how time after time you continue to get back up. You’ll always be a champion to me. Now, why don’t you go out there and win the whole damn thing for me? That was it! That was what I had been looking for all along. Who I was, my own identity, it was spoken by my own daughter. Her pride for me gave me not only the strength but the answers to my despair. It was her hope in me that changed things. Brian: … Thank you, Celestia. You’ve helped me solve something that… I’ve been searching for years to figure out. I promise to win all of it for you! I won’t lie, I didn’t want her to go, even for a moment after that. We ended up talking and talking, and I learned so many interesting things about what she had been up to. She herself was actually interested in this business of slams and stretches. She was proud enough of her own father that even she wanted to become like me. Though she was still too young to perform just yet, I promised her I’d teach her everything I knew. Mortis was… oddly quiet that night. Every once in a while he would speak up, but perhaps he understood that I needed this time alone, without his inhuman influence pushing me in a direction. He was… giving me control. 
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