RP Feedback

[Defiant]

I've read a few RP's and I like what I've seen so far. Nothing has really struck me yet as something that doesn't work, and I love the colourful variety of characters.

I would like to get some feedback on mine though. I know my writing is fine, but I'm not sure if I'm properly conveying the character and image that I am going for.

 

[John McHenry]

Not sure if we're still using this for feedback or the actual threads but I noticed that someone RP'd with Joey Styles pretty sure its a typo based on the Interviewers pic.

 

[Lewb]

I wouldn't mind some feedback on my character please? I'll return.

 

[Doink]

Any feedback for Michael Black this week?

 

[Slim]

Lewb - I went through and read it. The story aspect I like. I like the story aspect a lot. Its intriguing and its interesting to see if Octane will ever say those words to Tania. If she'll even stay on he line long enough for him to say it. Its like there is distance between them but they are together enough that it works. It makes for something that can be very fun to work with in the future. Kudos to that part. The part where you talked about your opponent... that part was okay. It almost didn't seem necessary. Like more about the story would have been good but that cut from there to that was... eh. It was okay but even though you are a face looking to compete for the world title... you're giving your opponent too much credit. Octane doesn't look like a guy that is going to give his opponent that much credit. Almost too nice. But he still has some form of killer instinct so its not completely lost. But overall... I'd say you got something going there. The story is going to be the most interesting aspect of it. Lookin forward to seeing where that goes.

I shall be awaiting my feedback

Ellis - First... what is the purpose of the woman being there? Second what is the purpose of killing her? I know your character is dark, gloomy, thrives on causing pain but the killing is pointless. Its meaningless and accomplishes nothing. I've actually been looking over your stuff and... the killing isn't helping your character. Okay follow me on this... he enjoys causing pain. So instead of killing... have him just torture a person. Lock them up and torture them, but don't kill anybody. Nobody. Torture the person then lock them up. Next RP you do... you can bring them back out and torture or talk to them, or do whatever you want but that is the kind of pain that would be more gruesome. Because then you really hold their lives in your hand but because you are choosing whether they live or die... you are that much more in control which makes your character that much darker and sinister because you're torturing for your amusement, for your joy, for your pleasure. Death is too final and it takes away overall from the character, plus I know this is suspended belief but you're killing in front of a camera... can't do that.

You have a good premise, you have a good direction but the character has tweaks that irk me and the killing is the main thing that just hits me wrong. There isn't enough torture to really make me believe that your character has as much joy in causing pain as he proclaims but is more a guy that'll talk it but looks forward to mindless killing. Dark characters need more. Also... need to do more with the crow. That is a perfect symbolism for a dark character. You have a lot that you can work with as far as your character goes. A lot. You're almost selling your character short. Potential is through the roof. Change it up a little. Add some more depth.

 

[Doink]

Thanks for the tips Slim, I'll do that next.

 

[Sam]

Any feedback on your favourite, Sammy Sensation?.

 

[Deuce]

Anyone want to be involved in my locker room thread for Rob Forchuk?

I like everyone's work so far, great reads.

 

[Lewb]

Slim - You have a really good intro to your character, which has been necessary I believe, for now that she can be the character that she is, we get an insight into how she got there. I'm hoping that your promos in the near future are going to be in the same kind of context, describing other times in her life. Your descriptive writing is second to none, but we all knew that anyway What I like about it is how I can see everything in the scene panning left to right, you fill enough pieces of the puzzle, for me to fill in the minute gaps and make a full picture. Not to lead too far astray, your back and forth in the locker room with EoR was subtle, but powerful too. I can see Phoenix being a force to reckon with, I hope I can make my character watertight and be up there with the quality you and a few of the other guys are showing.

The flash from scene to scene was going to be continued in RP 2 but my opponent posted pretty late, so it'll have to be continued in due course. I appreciate your feedback, sometimes less is more when your heading in one direction, so to swerve it the other way can affect the flow, and I shall try to make changes to improve in that sense.

 

[Slim]

Thanks man. There will def be more to come. Woulda been more if my opponent would have showed up so gotta wait til next show for the next rp for more of the story. But I'm interested in your story. Gonna be the goods.

 

[Sam]

Any feedback on Johan Johannson?. Anything to work on, anything that's good?, bad?, dull?, y'know the drill.

 

[hyourinmaru]

give it me I can take it. I know it sucked

 

[Chriss]

Feedback on Christopher Flair?

 

[Derrick]

Your thoughts about Junito?

 

[John McHenry]

Time to make this thread relevant again.

What'd you guys think of my rp this time around?