Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Jarf]

Bragging Rights 2010

Match 1: United States Champion, Daniel Bryan def. Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler (16:14)

Awesome opener. There’s no story, but it’s a great back and forth technical wrestling match. Bryan has the upper hand at first because Dolph is taking him lightly, but Dolph turns the match around in his favor and he wears down Bryan for a bit. But Bryan lights Dolph up with kicks to the chest and knees. He brings Dolph down to his knees and even hits a gross kick to the face. Bryan puts now has Ziggler on the ropes, and seems. And he even hits a springboard dropkick from halfway across the ring. He goes for a back suplex off the top rope, but Ziggler turns in midair and reverses it into a crossbody. Bryan kicks out. Dolph hits the Fameasser and covers Bryan, but Bryan gets his foot on the bottom rope and the ref notices it as he counts three. So Dolph and Vickie think he’s won, but it’s not over. Dolph gets Bryan in the Sleeper Hold and Bryan crawls to the ropes. Dolph makes the mistake of slapping Bryan in the head, saying he doesn’t belong here. But Bryan grabs his arm and brings him down to the mat and forces him to tap out to the Lebell Lock. These 16 minutes go by really fast! Awesome way to start the show!

My Rating: ****1/4

Match 2: WWE Tag Team Championship - The Nexus (John Cena & David Otunga) def. Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre (c) (6:26)

You remember when Cena was a member of the Nexus. Yeah, that lasted only a month. Cena has to do Wade Barrett’s bidding after losing to him at Hell in a Cell. David Otunga starts the match, but after a minute, he aggressively tags in Cena and Cena gets the same look on his face that I get whenever a customer is rude to me at work. He gets in and he’s in the ring for the rest of the match. He forces Cody to tap out to win. Otunga celebrates like he won it. Cena hits him with an AA after the match and leaves with both titles.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: Ted DiBiase def. Goldust (7:37)

DiBiase is accompanied by the ever so lovely Maryse, while Goldust is accompanied by Aksana who was blonde at this point. Pretty much what’d you’d expect. DiBiase wears down Goldust for a lot of the match. Goldust gets a comeback spot in, but it doesn’t last. Him and DiBiase butt heads and Maryse attacks Aksana and throws her in the ring. The distraction is enough to let DiBiase hit a DDT on Goldust to win the match.

My Rating: **

Match 4: Divas Championship Match - Layla (c) def. Natalya (4:51)

This is another typical match that you’d expect on Raw or SmackDown. Natalya throws Layla around for a good portion of the match. Layla eventually says fuck this and tries to leave, but Nattie chases her and throws her back in the ring. Layla tries to leave again, but Michelle McCool kicks Nattie in the head and Layla pins her to take the W.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 5: World Heavyweight Championship Buried Alive Match - Kane (c) def. The Undertaker (16:48)

Not as bad as I’ve seen people rate it, but it’s far from being good. Undertaker spends the early part of the match whooping Kane’s ass. And Kane begs him off. One of my most hated wrestling tropes. Being a bad guy also means you have to be a pansy ass. Taker makes Kane look like a bitch in this match. Kane eventually gains the upper hand by using a chair on Undertaker and then hitting him with 2 Chokeslams. They go up to the grave site, and Undertaker makes Kane pass out with Hell’s Gate. And then shoves Kane in the hole. Undertaker goes after Paul Bearer next and looks like he’s gonna throw him in next, but who would come to Kane’s rescue. The Nexus! Why? Good fucking question, because they never explain it. The Nexus beat down Undertaker and toss him in the hole. Kane tells the Nexus to get out of here before a backhoe drops dirt on top of Undertaker. Such a weirdly booked match.

My Rating: **

Match 6: 14-Man Tag Team Elimination Match - Team SmackDown (Big Show, Edge, Rey Mysterio, Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Kofi Kingston & Tyler Reks) def. Team Raw (The Miz, CM Punk, Sheamus, John Morrison, Ezekiel Jackson, R-Truth & Santino Marella) (27:54)

This sounded better on paper. But this match never really gets good. For whatever reason, they never got there. It also doesn’t help that it’s nearly half an hour. Santino is out first by Tyler Reks in a couple minutes. Kofi is next to go after a Celtic Cross from Sheamus. Del Rio’s ego gets the better of him and he attacks Rey Mysterio, taking him out momentarily. Big Show, the team captain yells at Del Rio from the apron and who can blame him. John Morrison eliminates Swagger next with a Starship Pain. And Tyler Reks is next with a Brogue Kick from Sheamus. Sheamus bullies Hornswoggle on the outside and that sets Big Show off. Him and Sheamus brawl on the outside until both men are counted out. So now, we’re down to Edge and Del Rio on Team SmackDown. Edge manages to narrow Raw’s team after a Spear to both R-Truth and then Morrison. Del Rio tags himself and he gets eliminated by a backslide from CM Punk. As Del Rio is leaving, he’s jumped from behind by Rey Mysterio, who makes his return. Rey gets on the apron and Edge tags him in. Mysterio and CM Punk get in together and they have the best part of this match before Rey eliminates Punk with a 619 followed by a splash. Ezekiel Jackson gets in and he bullies Rey around for a short time before Rey hits him with a 619 followed by a botched splash. Now Miz gets in for what I think is the first time he’s been in the ring. He tries to stop Rey from tagging Edge, but Rey slips through his legs and reaches Edge, who puts Miz away with a Spear.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: WWE Championship Match - Wade Barrett def. Randy Orton (c) via DQ (14:32)

Wade Barrett comes down to the ring with a very sad looking John Cena at his side. After Orton makes his entrance, Barrett lets Cena know that if he doesn’t win this match, he’ll fire Cena. So the story of this match makes Barrett look like a total dumb shit. He doesn’t understand disqualifications because he gets mad at Cena anytime he comes close to Orton. Because he expects him to attack… in front of the referee…. Did they think this out at all? I’d like to know. Not only does the story not make sense, it’s also as boring as watching paint dry. You ever wanted a match that’s mostly chinlocks? Yeah, me neither. The match doesn’t start to pick up until the end when the referee gets bumped. Cena gets knocked off the apron. Then the Nexus run down and attack Orton, leading to Cena jumping in and attacking the Nexus and throwing them out of the ring. Barrett seems angry but Cena shouts “you get disqualified, you lose.” Which I can’t believe he had to explain to him… They seriously didn’t think this out. Orton manages to turn the tides and is going to finish it with an RKO, until Cena runs in. Drops Barrett with an AA. causing a DQ finish. Barrett wins the match, so technically speaking, Cena fulfilled his duty for the night. Orton is unappreciative as he drops Cena with an RKO and then Barrett a moment later. And that’s how the show ends… I feel bad for anyone who bought this show.

My Rating: *1/2

Cagematch Rating: 4.94

My Rating: 4/10

Watch the opener and skip everything else. That’s the only part of the show that isn’t overbooked to fucking hell. I’m still wondering to this day why The Nexus helped Kane win the Buried Alive Match.

Next event will be Judgment Day 2003, but before I get to that, I should mention that on Sunday, I will be going on vacation, so it’ll probably be at least a week from that day until I update this thread.

 

[Jarf]

Judgment Day 2003

Match 1: John Cena & The FBI (Chuck Palumbo & Johnny Stamboli) def. Chris Benoit, Rhyno & Spanky (3:55)

A weirdly short opener. Before the match even starts, Spanky dives over Benoit and Rhyno on top of the heel team. To this day, it doesn’t feel right to say the words ‘heel’ and ‘John Cena’ in the same sentence. They isolate Spanky for a short bit, but he makes the tag to Benoit, who throws around his opponents with german suplexes. Nunzio gets in the ring and gets a Gore from Rhyno. Spanky tags himself back in which proves to be a bad idea. Benoit has Cena in the Crossface and while that’s happening, The FBI double team Spanky and win the match.

My Rating: **

Match 2: La Resistance def. Test & Scott Steiner (6:20)

Oof, this match sucked. It’s not worst match ever candidate bad, but it’s just slow and boring. La Resistance isolate Scott Steiner, who hot tags Test. Stacy gets on the apron, and he accidentally knocks her off but Steiner catches her. Test accidentally big boots Steiner, and now that I’m thinking about it, this is just a match that makes Test look incredibly goofy. La Resistance throw Test out before pinning Steiner to get the win.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: WWE Tag Team Championship Ladder Match - Eddie Guerrero & Tajiri def. Team Angle (c) (14:10)

Hell of a Ladder Match, even if it is a little botchy. There’s a few memorable spots including the finish. This match is mostly them throwing each other into the ladder. Team Angle does that spot that you would think would hurt Shelton more than their opponent where he drives his balls into Tajiri’s back on a ladder. Tajiri puts the Tarantula on Charlie, but Shelton throws the ladder into him. Towards the finish, you have Eddie fighting off both members of Team Angle on a ladder. He hits the Frog Splash on Shelton from the top. He goes back up and sunset flip powerbombs Charlie from the ladder. He goes back up, but Shelton is back and tries to stop Eddie. He goes up the same side, but Tajiri comes back in and climbs the opposite side and poison mists Shelton from the other side. Allowing Eddie to climb up and retrieve both titles. Very good match.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 4: Battle Royal for the vacant Intercontinental Championship - Christian won by last eliminating Booker T (11:55)

There were only 9 participants in this match, but for some reason, we were already down to 4 within 3 minutes. Favorites such as Kane and RVD are out early, leaving us with Booker T, Goldust, Christian and Jericho. It’s a mini tornado tag for a short time until Goldust tries to throw Booker out, but Booker turns it around and eliminates Goldust instead. But then Jericho and Christian double team Booker until Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Christian throws him over and out when he hits the ropes. These two go at it for a while, but the referee on the outside gets knocked down after a baseball slide from Christian. Booker eliminates Christian, and Pat Patterson is gonna present him with the title, but Christian takes the title out of his hands, goes in, hits Booker with it and with the referee coming to, Christian throws Booker out and is crowned the new Intercontinental Champion.

My Rating: **1/4

Next is the most built up moment of the show… The bikini contest between Torrie and Sable. Seriously I feel like they cared about this more than anything else on the show. Lilian Garcia sings Torrie’s theme as she’s making her entrance. Anyway, this is what you expect. They get borderline naked, and then they kiss at the end so Vince has something to jerk off to later. Seriously, am I the only one who feels like a fucking weirdo watching this?

Match 5: Mr. America def. Roddy Piper (4:50)

Now I’ve heard some rumors that Mr. America… was actually Hulk Hogan. And I think that is absolutely absurd. He may have the same build, the same theme song, and the same wrestling style, but come on. Does he look like a liar? Truthfully, there isn’t much I remember here. Piper puts Mr. America in the Sleeper Hold. Vince McMahon comes out and hands Sean O’Haire a pipe. Vince distracts the ref while Sean gets in and goes to hit Mr. America, but he misses and hits Piper instead. Mr. America hits a legdrop to beat Piper protect his identity. Shame, I still wonder who was under that mask.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 6: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Kevin Nash def. Triple H (c) via DQ (7:22)

Dull. Just super dull. They try to build this like it’s a knock down, drag out brawl, but it lacks the intensity that’s needed to be that sort of thing. It’s super slow. Both guys also bully the ref like hell, and he not once calls for a DQ. Triple H eventually hits Kevin with a Pedigree, but Nash kicks out. Triple H grabs a sledgehammer, and the referee tries to stop him, but HHH hits him in the throat with it. Now without the ref, the time keeper just rings the bell. Nash continues beating the hell out of HHH after the match. A bunch of referees come down to get HHH out of there, but Nash bullies them. Ric Flair tries to stop him…. With chops which is unintentionally funny. Shawn Michaels even tries to stop him, but Nash shoves him away too. And he Jackknifes Triple H through the raw announce table.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 7: Women’s Championship Fatal 4-Way Match - Jazz (c) def. Trish Stratus, Victoria & Jacqueline (4:47)

This was going well, but there’s some spots that get messed up. Jazz puts Trish in an STF, and Jackie takes forever to stop it. Victoria attacks her, but Jackie puts her in a half boston crab. Trish reaches the ropes and Jazz takes Jackie out. Trish gets flung out of the ring by Victoria and she lands awfully. Jazz hits Jackie with a DDT to retain.

My Rating: *3/4

Main Event: WWE Championship Stretcher Match - Brock Lesnar (c) def. Big Show (15:27)

Holy hell, this was a lot of fun. How does this match not get talked about more? Big Show is one of those guys who’s better in gimmick matches and this was peak Brock Lesnar. These two beat the piss out of each other. Swinging stretchers at each other. Brock Lesnar knocks Big Show off the apron and Big Show lands on the gurney. Brock goes to the back, and while that’s happening, Rey Mysterio’s music hits and he 619’s Big Show’s torso, looking for payback for Big Show swinging him on a stretcher at Backlash. A moment later, Brock comes crashing through the stage set with a forklift holding a pallet. He drives it up to the ring and Rey jumps on Big Show’s back. Big Show throws him off, before Brock leaps off the top of the forklift and crossbody’s Show. Brock F5s Big Show before loading him onto a stretcher on top of the pallet. Brock lifts Big Show up on the pallet, and backs up behind the yellow line and retains the title. I wasn’t expecting this to be so good, but I had fun watching this.

My Rating: ****

Cagematch Rating: 4.96

My Rating: 5/10

This show has a good ladder match and a great main event, but a lot of this show is so boring to sit through. I had almost no investment in this show. The World Title match in particular was a chore. 2003 was a great year for SmackDown, and a bad year for Raw.

Next up… is the first of the show of shows. The historical first WrestleMania.

 

[Jarf]

WrestleMania 1

Match 1: Tito Santana def. The Executioner (4:49)

Ah yes, the first ever match at WrestleMania. Not exactly what I’d call starting off hot, but it’s an average match. The funny thing here is that before every match, everyone has an interview, and The Executioner (not to be confused with ‘96 Executioner) gives away the fact he’s gonna go after Tito’s leg. Idiot. He does go after the leg, but only when the match is almost over. Santana puts Executioner away with a forearm, followed by the Figure 4, which he taps out to.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: King Kong Bundy def. SD Jones (0:25)

Despite what WWE will tell you, this was not 9 seconds, it was 25. It’s pretty much 3 moves. Bearhug, clothesline and splash. Bundy wins. Moving on.

Match 3: Ricky Steamboat def. Matt Borne (4:39)

Man, Steamboat was jacked to the gills here. This was another okay match. If they had given them more time, then maybe it could’ve been better. It goes from being headlocks to a chopfest and progressing into a fight. Steamboat wins the match after a crossbody to put the future Doink the Clown away.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 4: David Sammartino vs. Brutus Beefcake ended in a double DQ (11:43)

Here’s when the show starts going downhill. This match was a snore. It’s mostly just holds the whole time. There are a few times where it looks like it’s about to pick up, but then they just go back to working holds. It’s also the longest match on the show so far, so that really doesn’t help matters. The finish to this is dumb. Only Beefcake should’ve been DQ’d because Johnny Valiant, his manager bodyslams David on the outside. So Bruno, runs over and goes after Johnny. Only when Bruno hits Brutus does the referee call for the bell. He disqualifies both men even though Brutus’ manager got involved first. I don’t care enough to be upset about it, but it makes no sense.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: Intercontinental Championship Match - Junkyard Dog def. Greg Valentine (c) via countout (6:55)

Pretty slow action in this one. It gets an extra star though for getting the crowd into it at the end. That being said, it doesn’t save it so much. Valentine goes after JYD’s legs to try to soften him up for the Figure 4. Junkyard fights back with headbutts that looks like it knocks him out. Jimmy Hart gets on the apron to try to pull a distraction, and it works until JYD sidesteps Valentine and Jimmy tumbles to the floor. Valentine wins however by pinning JYD with his feet on the ropes. Except no he doesn’t. Tito runs down and lets the referee know what happened, so the referee restarts the match and counts Valentine out and JYD celebrates like he won the title, but he didn’t… Babyfaces are so dumb sometimes.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 6: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff def. The US Express (c) (6:55)

Yet another average match. But it’s the best match so far. The champions are in control for the first half of the match, but Sheik and Volkoff isolate Rotundo from Windham. It’s fairly paced, so I can’t say it’s boring. Rotundo makes the tag to Windham and he goes ham on the challengers. The referee is distracted with trying to get Rotundo to leave the ring and while that’s happening. Sheik takes Freddie Blassie’s cane and hits Windham in the back of the head with it and we have new champions.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 7: Andre’s career vs. $15,000 Bodyslam Challenge - Andre the Giant def. Big John Studd (5:53)

Yeah, the stipulation in this match is Studd put up $15,000 while Andre put his career on the line. The first person to slam their opponent wins. This is the longest squash ever man. This sucked. I don’t expect much mobility from either of them to be fair. But at no point does Studd looks like he has a shot at winning this. First of all, even as big as he is, he looks small standing next to Andre. Second of all, Andre whoops his ass for the whole match. It’s just punches, bear hug, headlock. For some reason, Andre starts kicking at Studd’s legs like he’s Bryan Danielson. Then Andre slams him and is declared the winner. He grabs the bag of cash and starts throwing it into the crowd, before Heenan runs in, grabs it out of his hands and runs away with Studd.

My Rating: *

Match 8: Women’s Championship Match - Wendi Richter def. Leilani Kai (c) (6:14)

This is that match where Wendi has Cyndi Lauper in her corner. WWF really were relying on celebrity starpower to make this show work. Not a good match. It’s boring and botchy. Lots of hair pulling too, which is fun in the bedroom. Not so much in a wrestling match. Moolah attacks Wendi and Cyndi goes over and comically slaps her with her towel. Kai goes for a crossbody off the top, but Wendi rolls through it and pins Kai to win the Women’s Title back.

My Rating: *1/2

Main Event: Hulk Hogan & Mr. T def. Roddy Piper & Paul Orndorff (13:34)

The first main event of WrestleMania. It’s a pretty big deal. I know what I’ve said about celebrity matches before. But Mr. T does a decent job for the what he does here. It’s mostly Hogan in the ring too, so that helps in hiding his flaws. The match starts with T and Piper and they start with slaps back and forth. Chaos ensues early and Bob Orton and Snuka come in. Piper and Orndorff try to leave, but Hogan stops Pat Patterson’s (the referee) count and calls them back to the ring. They come back and they take the advantage and Piper slams a chair over Hogan’s back. Piper and Orndorff isolate Hogan for a while, until Orndorff misses a diving elbow drop and Hogan crawls over to T and tags him in. Mr. T goes wild momentarily before he’s brought down by Piper and Paul’s double teaming. T gets Hogan back in the ring and chaos ensues again. A massive brawl happens and while the referee isn’t looking. Orndorff holds Hogan for Bob Orton to drop the cast on him for the top. But Hogan turns and Orndorff gets hit instead. Snuka runs in, headbutts Orton out of the ring and Hogan pins Orndorff for him and Mr. T to get the win. Not the best match in the world, but a decent match.

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 4.95 (Judgment Day ‘03 jumped over this show after my review of Bragging Rights)

My Rating: 4.5/10

I feel like most people give this show a free pass because it’s the first WrestleMania. It’s a big deal. And to be honest, I feel like I myself might be being a little generous to this show. But for the most part, I was not very sports entertained. The best match on the card was a 3 star match at best. And it relied on celebrities to make this show a success. Can’t say it didn’t work because WWE went on to do 38 more WrestleManias, but that also started the trend that I hate so much of bringing in celebrities to job out the wrestlers who do this for a living. Honestly, I think the crowd is what makes this show. They were alive for the whole thing. They make this show feel like a spectacle more than anything.

So far, I’ve watched 3 Royal Rumbles, 7 WrestleManias and 9 Survivor Series’. The fact it’s taken us this long to get to a SummerSlam is surprising. The last Big 4 PPV. And I’m not sure how I’ll feel after I watch it. SummerSlam 2021.

 

[Jarf]

SummerSlam 2021

Got back from vacation on Friday and I’ve been pretty much working since then, so I haven’t really had the time to watch a 4 hour show! That’s right. This was 4 fucking hours! But I finally watched it last night and it was very… underwhelming.

Match 1: Raw Tag Team Championship Match - RK-Bro def. AJ Styles & Omos (c) (7:04)

Starting with your average tag team match. AJ and Omos have the advantage in the early stages, isolating Riddle from Orton. But Orton gets tagged in, and he attacks AJ while making sure Omos doesn’t get in the ring. Riddle goes to attack Omos, but he gets chokeslammed on the ring apron. Omos tries to ram Riddle into the post, but Riddle tosses him into it. Styles hits a reverse DDT on the outside. He goes to hit the Phenomenal Forearm on Orton, but Orton dodges and AJ lands on his feet. Orton goes for an RKO, but AJ escapes for only for a moment. He rolls Orton up, Orton kicks out, RKO, 1, 2, 3. RK-Bro are the tag champions.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: Alexa Bliss def. Eva Marie (3:50)

Yeah, this was around the time when I stopped watching. They wrote off The Fiend, then released Bray Wyatt, and just gave the fiend gimmick to Alexa Bliss and it didn’t work. It’s insulting to me actually. This match sucked too. If you don’t remember, Alexa had a doll with her she called Lily, and during this match. Eva Marie picks the doll up and slaps it around. Yeah, it’s fucking stupid. Alexa gets mad, and she ends it with a DDT. Even as someone who loves Alexa Bliss, I hated the hell out of this.

My Rating: DUD

Match 3: United States Championship Match - Damian Priest def. Sheamus (c) (13:47)

Solid match, but that’s about it. I gotta say I don’t remember Sheamus being the phantom of the opera, but okay. Priest makes the mistake of diving on Sheamus on the outside and lands on his back. So that’s what Sheamus goes after for a lot of this match. Damian eventually starts making the comeback, and there’s some cool counters including when Damian leaps off the ropes and Sheamus knees him in the face. Or when Damian rips Sheamus’ mask off when he’s in the figure 4. Priest puts away Sheamus with a Reckoning to win the US Title.

My Rating: ***

Match 4: SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match - The Usos (c) def. The Mysterios (10:49)

This was a month after The Usos historic record setting reign began. And they’re first defense was against The Mysterios. The Usos get the advantage early when Dominik goes for the Frog Splash, but he gets tossed off by Jey. The Usos isolate Dominik for a bit, but Rey does get tagged in and turns the match around for them. There’s some cool counters in this too, when Rey bounces off the ropes, but gets hit with a Superkick. Rey eventually gets hit with a double superkick followed by a Splash and The Usos retain.

My Rating: ***

Match 5: SmackDown Women’s Championship Match - Becky Lynch def. Bianca Belair (c) (0:26)

WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS?!?!?!? FUCKING STUPID IS WHAT IT WAS! Yeah, I know Bianca beats her at WrestleMania, that doesn’t make this any less stupid! So first of all, the advertised match was Bianca vs Sasha in a rematch from their amazing match at WrestleMania from this year. Sounds great right. Sike bitch. Bianca comes out first and then the announcer says “Sasha Banks is unable to compete.” And that’s it! No explanation! She just can’t compete, who fucking knows why? That’s not lazy at all. We’re just supposed to accept it. Then Carmella comes out here as Sasha’s replacement. But thankfully… Becky Lynch’s music hits! And after over a year of being gone, Becky is back! She disposes of Carmella and then grabs a mic and says “what do you say The Man and The EST bring the house down!” Okay, so you’re not getting Bianca vs Sasha, but you now you’re getting Bianca vs Becky! That sounds awesome…! Sadly, WWE does WWE things and decide “eh, no you don’t.” Becky hits Bianca with one punch and a Manhandle Slam, which is just the Rock Bottom and pins her and that’s it! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! Bianca Belair, the woman who won the Royal Rumble this year from number 3, and had one of the best matches for the company of this year at WrestleMania is being jobbed out to a punch and a uranage? That is beyond insulting! And I know this was done to make Becky a heel, but you couldn’t have done it in a way that doesn’t job out your top female? I don’t care that Bianca eventually gets her back and beats her at WrestleMania, I maintain that this was stupid at the time and it’s stupid now!

My Rating: DUUUUUUUUD

Match 6: Drew McIntyre def. Jinder Mahal (4:38)

So after that ragefest, I get to watch a Jinder Mahal match, which is like trying to calm someone down with a nest of hornets. This was pretty much what I expected from it. Drew makes Jinder look like a jobber like he was before he won the WWE title. Jinder gets some shots in, but it doesn’t take much before Drew hits the Claymore to win this match. Veer and Shanky come out to tend to Jinder, but Drew grabs his sword and tries to commit murder, but they get out of there before then.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 7: Raw Women’s Championship Triple Threat Match - Charlotte Flair def. Nikki A.S.H. (c) & Rhea Ripley (13:03)

At the time, there was only one person in this match I wanted to win, but I knew she wasn’t gonna. Rhea Ripley. So I really could not care less. This was pretty even for the most part. All 3 women get their spots in. Including when Nikki hits a crossbody on both of them. Charlotte hits a corkscrew moonsault on her opponents on the outside. Charlotte puts Rhea in the Figure 8, but Nikki dives on Charlotte to break it up. Rhea goes for the Pumphandle, but Nikki counters it into a DDT, and Rhea is sent out of the ring. Nikki tries to hit a Crossbody on Charlotte, but she misses and Nikki is put in the Figure 8. And holds on for a decent amount of time, but she taps out. Alright, dust off your hands boys, back to the status quo as usual. Nikki was a transitional champion from Charlotte to Charlotte.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 8: Edge def. Seth Rollins (21:15)

Finally! Something I can sink my teeth into. I was so excited about this. It was the only match I cared about going into this show and man it lived up to the hype. This was a legitimate dream match of mine and I imagine for a lot of people. This tells a simple story. Seth is going for the neck. The neck that caused Edge to retire 10 years ago. So Edge spends most of this match avoiding the Curb Stomp, but Seth continuously goes after the neck. Edge turns it around with a Neckbreaker from the top rope, and from there, it is pretty even. Seth tries several times to hit the Curb Stomp, but Edge avoids it every time. Edge hits a Spear to a Seth Rollins standing on the apron! Seth goes to hit a Phoenix Splash, but Edge moves out of the way and Seth lands on his feet. And then Edge hits the Spear for a 2 count! Edge brings Seth down to put him in the crossface, Seth reaches for the ropes, but Edge rolls over to bring them to the center of the ring. Seth tries to pry Edge’s fingers from around his face, and manages to do it. But Edge just grabs Seth by the hair and slams his face into the mat over and over and over again! Then he puts the hold back on and now Seth taps out. Easily the match of the night!

My Rating: ****1/4

Match 9: WWE Championship Match - Bobby Lashley (c) def. Goldberg via referee’s decision (7:10)

Holy hell I was so scared going into this match. I was so scared that WWE was gonna pull a WWE and put the belt on Goldberg. Thankfully that’s not what happened. The first half of the match is really nothing to write home about. But with the referee checking on Lashley, MVP hits Goldberg in the right leg with his cane, but Goldberg forgets to sell it at first and sells the left leg instead, which is hilarious. Lashley then targets the leg and Goldberg gets to the point where he collapses and can’t stand anymore, so the referee calls for the bell. Lashley wins, and grabs a steel chair and attacks Goldberg’s leg with it. But who would make the attempted save? Goldberg’s son, who jumps on Lashley’s back, but Lashley gets him off and puts him in the Hurt Lock. MVP gets in quick to get Lashley off. So let’s not forget, in canon, Lashley beat up a minor and didn’t get arrested for it.

My Rating: *1/2

Main Event: Universal Championship Match - Roman Reigns (c) def. John Cena (23:00)

I’m gonna talk about this match and try not to go on an unhinged rant about how this could’ve been the biggest SummerSlam match of all time, but instead they made the build up more about a sex position than anything. For real, I was excited about this match at the end of Money in the Bank, and by the time we got here, I was no longer excited. “And I’ve also heard rumors that Vince McMahon is a genius, but I’m going to deny them as they are baseless allegations.” This match was really good, but not quite great. I was expecting it to be better. Roman is in control of the early stages of the match. Most of Cena’s comebacks are snuffed out by Roman. But Cena did say he just needs to hang in there for 1, 2, 3. So he attempts a lot of rollups on Roman. Cena hits his 5 moves of doom, and then an AA for a 2 count. Roman gets Cena down on the outside. Roman takes a run at him, but Cena picks him up to AA Roman through the announce table. Cena rolls Roman back in the ring, and gets a 2 count. Roman hits a superman punch and goes for a Spear, but he hits the ring post instead when Cena dodges him. Cena gets Roman on the top rope and hits an avalanche AA. And Roman kicks out again! So Roman’s been hit with 3 AA’s, one of them through a table and one of them from the top rope. At this point, this is getting ridiculous. It’s over soon enough though because after a brief back and forth fist fight. Roman hits another Superman punch, followed by a Spear to retain.

My Rating: ***3/4

Roman’s celebration is short lived, because the next thing that happens is Brock Lesnar’s music hits and Michael Cole just about orgasms. Brock comes to the ring with a new look and stares down Roman. And they would go on to have one more match… followed by one more match… and then one more match, which to be fair, that last one was great.

Cagematch Rating: 4.95

My Rating: 5.5/10

This show has a great match and some solid matches, but it’s also filled with some very infuriating booking. So fuck you SummerSlam 2021, you don’t get a 6. You were good towards the end but that doesn’t excuse your poor behavior early in the show. Also why are you so fucking long?!

Next up, we are going back to the best WWE for PPVs, 1999. This show will have something I love but cringe at and something I hate on it. Royal Rumble 1999.

 

[Chris]

Man that show was a mess lmao I'd completely blocked most from my mind

 

[Jarf]

Man that show was a mess lmao I'd completely blocked most from my mind

You're lucky. That Edge/Seth match tho

 

[The Gipper]

I completely forgot Eva Marie was even around in 2021.

 

[Jarf]

Royal Rumble 1999

Match 1: Big Boss Man def. Road Dogg (11:52)

Road Dogg was the Hardcore Champion, but the title isn’t on the line. Why? Shrug. This was a bad way to start the show. It’s not incredibly bad, and it’s nowhere near worst match ever contender, but you don’t exactly want your opening match to be boring. Road Dogg has the upper hand early. He taunts Boss Man in the early stages. But the taunting stops when Boss Man turns the tide in his favor. Road Dogg gets his comeback in, but it’s brief, because Boss Man hits the side slam to put D-O-Double G out.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match - Ken Shamrock (c) def. Billy Gunn (14:23)

Not a boring match, but it’s nothing special. It’s your average match. It has a bit of a story, with Ken Shamrock weakening Billy’s ankle on the last episode of Raw. Mostly uneventful, but it does have a couple spots that stand out, like Billy throwing Shamrock face first into the announce table from the apron. Shamrock turns his attention to Billy’s injured ankle and he works on that before the referee gets knocked down, which is surprisingly, the only ref bump of the night. Val Venis runs down and DDT’s Shamrock ‘cause he wants to fuck his sister or something. Billy makes the big mistake of diving off the top rope and attempting an axe handle. Shamrock moves out of the way and Billy hurts his ankle on landing. Shamrock sees Billy clutching his ankle and goes to put the Ankle Lock on force Billy to tap out.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 3: European Championship Match - X-Pac (c) def. Gangrel (5:53)

What’s funny about this is that you had Road Dogg and Billy, X-Pac’s DX-mates going against Corporation members, Boss Man and Ken Shamrock, so who does X-Pac face? Not Test, it’s Corporate Gangrel! The most corporate of them all. This match starts off okay, but even with it being only 6 minutes long, that still feels too long. I will say however, Gangrel should’ve won this match because the referee definitely counted X-Pac’s shoulders down. The front row heard it and they started yelling that was 3 to the referee. I don’t know if it was during this match or the next match, but I spotted a sign that said “tig ol bitties.” Which is crazy because this was before that was even a meme. Hell this was before memes were even a thing. That one guy in the crowd invented tig ol bitties before it was cool. Anyway, the finish is cool at least. Gangrel irish whips X-Pac and pops him up only for Pac to reverse it into an X-Factor to take the W.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 4: Women’s Championship Strap Match - Sable (c) def. Luna (4:43)

The story is that Sable has a bad back, which I can’t imagine why she has a bad back… it’s cause Luna attacked on Heat… What’d you think I meant? This match is okay for being 5 minutes, but it’s a lot of nothing. They pretty much just whip each other with the strap and that’s basically it. This is one of those Strap Matches where you have to touch the turnbuckles. Luna is about to win but Sable’s stalker (Tori) jumps on the apron and punches Luna, allowing Sable to touch the last turnbuckle to retain.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: WWF Championship I Quit Match - The Rock def. Mankind (c) (21:46)

Incredible match, but it gets soooo hard to watch in the final few minutes. This starts out being an exciting brawl. And they ask each other if they quit, which sounds like crap. But they get some nice banter in there, including Mankind telling Rock he’s gonna split open that ridiculous eyebrow. The first half of the match is enough for me to give it 4 stars, but it’s the second half that propels it. In terms of enhancing the drama of the match, it’s amazing, but it’s also scary to watch because you could’ve convinced me that Foley was murdered here. The two men end up on a balcony above some equipment. Rock low blows Foley and punches him into the equipment below! They spark, the arena loses the lights for a moment! After that, Shane McMahon comes out and he suggests maybe they should stop the match, but The Rock says “He’s gonna say I quit, so help me.” The Rock at this point is going to become vicious. He drags Foley back to the ring, and he gets cut open. The Rock brings out a pair of handcuffs and he cuffs Foley’s hands behind his back. Despite that, Foley fights back with kicks and headbutts, he kicks Rock in the groin, he bites him. Foley refuses to stay down. Rock however, is ruthless and he puts Foley down. He goes outside and grabs a chair. He lays the chair on Foley’s head and hits the Corporate Elbow. Now is when this match starts to get scary, especially after what happened in 2007 with Benoit and learning how dangerous concussions really are. The Rock slams the chair over Foley’s head over and over and over again. He asks Foley if he quits, and Mankind says “you’ll have to kill me.” But unfortunately for Mick, it seems like Rock is prepared to do just that, because he slams the chair over Foley’s head again and again! Foley, very weakly tries to get away, but The Rock follows him and hits him in the head more with the chair. He hits him with a total of 11 chairshots to the fucking head. The last one makes Foley collapse face down in the entrance way, Rock leans over Foley’s dead body and asks him if he quits. And shockingly enough, we can hear Foley say “I Quit.” Which later we found out was actually a recording of Foley saying I Quit, but honestly, I consider that a mercy victory. Great match, but every one of those chairshots made me cringe.

My Rating: ****1/2

Main Event: Royal Rumble Match - Vince McMahon won by last eliminating Steve Austin (56:38)

Leave it to Vince Russo to overbook a Rumble Match. This match was only ever gonna come down to 2 people. Austin and Vince because that’s who this match was pretty much built around. Sadly, they went with the wrong option. Austin and Vince are both numbers 1 and 2, so while they both are technically in the match the whole time, you can’t say either of them went the distance. Because after number 3, Vince leaves the ring and Austin chases him. Vince leads him to (of all places) the women’s bathroom, where he’s ambushed by Ken Shamrock, Test and Big Boss Man, indicating all 3 of them were just chilling in the women’s bathroom waiting for Austin. They leave Austin laying face down in the women’s bathroom where the EMTs go and carry him away in an ambulance. From there, until Kane gets out there, this match is boring as shit. Seriously, the ring fills up with midcarder after midcarder and nobody can care less. Mabel gets eliminated by The Acolytes and Mideon and bring him to the Undertaker, who’s now standing in the entrance way. Again, way to overbook the easiest match to book. When Kane comes out, he eliminates everyone in the ring, before a bunch of white coats come out with a straight jacket and Kane chokeslams 2 of them before eliminating himself and chasing after them. Now Vince is back and he goes onto commentary and says Austin isn’t coming back. Which ages extremely poorly, because the ambulance Austin left in pulls into the arena 2 minutes later and Austin comes back, as Boss Man is supposed to enter. It starts picking up from there. The ring starts piling up with guys like Owen Hart, X-Pac, Triple H. Chyna is number 30 and becomes the first woman to enter a Royal Rumble Match. She eliminates Mark Henry before Austin eliminates her. Austin eliminates nearly everyone else in the match, until it’s finally down to him and Vince. He goes outside and pulls Vince over the announce table. He hits him with a chair and tosses him in the ring and hits a Stunner. Austin seems to have this in the bag. But here comes The Rock and he distracts Austin. Rock gets on the apron and Austin attacks him, allowing Vince enough time to get up and throw Austin over and onto the floor… What the fuck. YOU HAD ONE JOB?! I get that this was a way to draw heat and to give Austin some adversity to overcome on the way to Mania… but it’s the fucking Rumble. Are you sure? I don’t whose idea this was. Maybe it was Vince, or maybe it was Russo, but whoever's idea it was, you suck. Austin chases The Rock to the back while Vince, Shane and the stooges celebrate with some cold ones. At least I got the 2 worst Rumble matches ever out of the way. We can only go up from here.

My Rating: *1/2

Cagematch Rating: 4.96

My Rating: 5/10

There are 2 things that save this show from getting a lower rating. One, that I Quit Match which might be the best match in WWF in 1999. I’ll reserve judgment on that until after I rewatch a certain Ladder Match. 2, the fact that they had no real intentions of having Vince compete for the title at WrestleMania. The plan was always for it to be Austin vs Rock. But the downside is that Vince is an official Royal Rumble winner, and that makes me wanna puke. This show isn’t so different from the 2015 Rumble PPV. Amazing World Title Match, terrible Rumble. The big difference is that this ending got the desired reaction. The 2015 Rumble did not.

Don’t expect an amazing World Title Match on this next show… which is SummerSlam 1995…

 

[Chris]

Still easily my least favorite Rumble of all time

 

[Chris]

Vince winning doesn't give it any points but this not even any reason why it was bad too, they had like two non Austin/Vince spots planned and the rest was the most boring battle royal you've ever see.

 

[BSE]

I've always thought the Rock-Foley I Quit match was underrated. It's definitely 4.5 stars or more for me.

 

[Jarf]

SummerSlam 1995

Match 1: Hakushi def. 1-2-3 Kid (9:28)

An exciting way to start the show. If WWF had a cruiserweight division at the time, they could’ve built it around either one of these two. We start off with some solid mat wresting, arm drags in the like. They pick up the pace quickly though, with Hakushi having the upper hand. Hakushi does a Sasuke Special on the Kid! The Kid begins fighting back, popping up and kicking Hakushi to the mat. But The Kid bounces off the ropes and goes for a spinning heel kick, but gets caught in mid-air where Hakushi slams him into the mat for the 3 count. A nice, fast paced opener.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 2: Hunter Hearst Helmsley def. Bob Holly (7:11)

Triple H’s PPV debut. This is really just to showcase Hunter’s wrestling on a bigger stage. He’s in control of most of this match and he works over Holly’s back. Holly gets his brief comeback in, but that’s all it is, is brief. Holly is able to avoid the Pedigree at first, but the second time, he whips Triple H into the corner and goes for a back body drop, but Triple H gets Holly in position for the Pedigree and hits it to keep his undefeated streak intact.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 3: The Smoking Gunns def. The Blu Brothers (6:10)

A pointless match. No storyline at all either. It’s just happening, and any reason to put the Blu Brothers onscreen is a bad reason because they suck. This is probably one of the better matches they ever had, but that’s a pretty low bar. The Blus are in control for a short time before Billy makes the hot tag to Bart. And the match is over soon after this. Couldn’t tell you what the finish was actually.

My Rating: **

Match 4: Barry Horowitz def. Skip (11:21)

The story is that Barry Horowitz had been jobbing for years and finally got a win over none other than Skip. What’s important to note here is that Barry had beaten Hakushi on an episode of Action Zone thanks to Skip who was trying to interfere against Barry. Barry goes right for Skip before the bell even rings. But a distraction from Sunny allows Skip to take control. And he makes the mistake of playing with Barry. He hits a splash from the top rope at one point and pins Barry, but lifts him up before the 3. That will come back to cost him. Hakushi comes to ringside and he distracts Skip. He gets on the apron and springboards over Skip and out of the ring a moment later, but that momentary distraction lets Barry roll up Skip in a small package to beat him again. A solid match here actually. It’s a match between a jobber and midcarder, but it tells an interesting story somehow.

My Rating: ***

Match 5: Women’s Championship Match - Bertha Faye def. Alundra Blayze (c) (4:37)

It isn’t one of the worst matches ever, but it’s not good. It’s short, and they have to fill in the wear down, the comeback and the finish in 5 minutes. Alundra looks good, but Bertha, not so much. Alundra attempts 3 missile dropkicks but misses the 3rd, and Bertha takes the win.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 6: Casket Match - The Undertaker def. Kama (16:26)

We’re close to the end of ‘95, which means the years of Undertaker having to work with guys who aren’t on his level are almost over. We’re not quite there though. This match sucked, and it’s 16 minutes. Jesus. Undertaker is in control early, wearing down Kama. Kama avoids the casket like the plague. But a distraction from Ted DiBiase lets Kama take the advantage. Undertaker goes down outside and DiBiase puts the boots to him. And this is the best part of the whole match actually, because Paul Bearer rips his jacket off and starts walking over to DiBiase and I won’t lie, I actually found myself going “go whip his ass Paul Bearer.” Partly because that’d be comedic but also great. The worst part of this whole match is when Kama has rest holds on Taker for like 3 minutes. They gotta fill time in somehow. They both fall into the casket at some point and the lid closes on both of them. Kama is the first to get out, but Undertaker grabs onto Kama’s ankle. The match is over in a few more minutes after a Chokeslam and a Tombstone and Undertaker wins.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 7: Bret Hart def. Not Kane (Isaac Yankem) via DQ (16:08)

Jerry Lawler is looking for payback against Bret Hart after King of the- AHHHH GOD, NOT THAT SHOW! So obviously, Jerry gets his dentist to take out Bret. Duh. Cause when you want someone taken out, you hire a dentist. But would you believe me if I told you this match was pretty good? The first half of the match is nothing to talk about. It’s mostly Isaac wearing down Bret. But Bret manages to find ways to survive. He hits a suicide dive on Isaac mid-way through the match. In the second half, Bret manages to wear down the tooth fairy. Bret gets the Sharpshooter on him, but Lawler gets up from commentary and pushes the ropes to Isaac so he can grab them. Bret wraps Isaac’s legs around the ring post and ties them together using a camera cord before he goes over to lay into Lawler. The referee helps Isaac get out and he and Jerry team up on him. They trap Bret’s head between the top and middle ropes and the referee calls for the DQ. They pull on Bret’s legs and choke him out before retreating. Some EMTs run out to tend to Bret. Not a fan of the finish, but whatever. I don’t care that much.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 8: Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match - Shawn Michaels (c) def. Razor Ramon (25:03)

Now it’s time for the rematch of the century as one fan in the crowd calls it with his sign. While this match doesn’t quite touch the greatness of their first match, this is a worthy sequel. This was an awesome match, even if it was a bit slow. Shawn takes some horrible bumps early in the match, including a suplex to the outside. When Shawn goes up for the belt, Razor tips it over, Shawn goes with it, with his left caught between the rungs of the ladder and his right leg under the entire ladder. Razor does the smart thing and tries to take Shawn’s legs out to make it harder to climb the ladder. But Shawn eventually starts making a comeback. Whipping Razor into the ladder repeatedly, before he sets the ladder up in the corner. He moonsaults off the ladder onto Razor and lays into him with punches. Then Shawn goes back up and tries to splash onto Razor, but Ramon moves out of Shawn’s way. They both go up the ladder and the ladder tips over where Razor gets up on it and Shawn gets crotched on the ropes. While Shawn has the original ladder, Razor grabs a new one out from under the ring. Shawn goes up his ladder, but Razor grabs him and hits the Razor’s Edge. Razor takes some time to rest, and he sets up the ladder, but in that time, Shawn has recovered and sets up the other ladder. They each climb up their own ladder and Razor reaches for the belt, but Shawn superkicks Razor off from his own ladder. Razor goes down and Shawn leaps for the title, but he falls to the mat where it looks like he hits the other ladder on this way down. Razor gets back up and picks up Shawn, going for a Razor’s Edge near the ropes, but Shawn back body drops him over and Razor hits the outside. Now this ending is botched, because Shawn goes up to grab the title and he falls off the ladder and hits the mat. He sets the ladder back up, and climbs it. Allowing Razor to crawl back in, but by that point it’s too late, because Shawn, this time is able to unhook the title and he retains. Fantastic match. The pace isn’t that great, but the psychology is amazing.

My Rating: ****1/2

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Diesel (c) def. King Mabel (9:15)

They should’ve just put the Ladder Match on last really. Because there was no way any match. Let alone this one, could’ve followed it. This is often regarded as the worst SummerSlam main event, and ya know what. I think I agree with that. Diesel actually tries to make this work, but you can only carry Mabel so far, literally and figuratively. Diesel leaps over the ropes onto Mabel on the outside, that’s how much he’s trying. Kevin Nash doesn’t do that shit! Nor should he! Mabel at some point sits down on Diesel’s back and nearly breaks his back. I don’t know what they were trying to accomplish with this match, but they missed it the mark, horribly. Mabel comically, bowls down the ref at some point. That at least made me laugh. Diesel beats the King with a middle rope clothesline and the show’s over. Send the fans home miserable.

My Rating: DUD

Cagematch Rating: 5.05

My Rating: 5/10

So this show… wasn’t great, but I don’t think it’s as bad as I’ve seen people say it is, it has some things worth watching. However, the bad outweighs the good here. How does someone watch Mabel wrestle and think “that’s a main eventer right there.”

Next PPV will be at the start of the PG Era. Survivor Series 2008.

 

[Chris]

Putting That main event out there to follow the ladder match is funny as shit lmao

 

[Jarf]

I forgot to mention that at some point, they show British Bulldog arriving to the arena, and Vince is like "what could he be here for?" And Bulldog is never seen again the rest of the night. There's literally no follow up to that.

 

[Skyefire]

My fantasy match listing for WrestleMania I
*Hulk Hogan & Mr. T vs Roddy Piper & Paul Orndorff
*Bodyslam Match: Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (Guest Referee: Bruno Sammartino)
*Women's Championship: Leilani Kai vs Wendi Richter
*Tag Team Championships: US Express vs Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff
*I-C Championship: Greg Valentine vs Tito Santana
*Junkyard Dog vs Ken Patera
*Ricky Steamboat vs Don Muraco
*King Kong Bundy vs SD Jones
*Ivan Putski vs Brutus Beefcake