Obama's uncle arrested in Massachusetts

  • Thread starter The Rated R CMStar
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Beer

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Dude! That was unbelievable. I will give a proper review when part 2 is posted but that was amazing!
 

y2j__legend

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Awesome first part, I can't believe that Teddy has to retire! Definitely a shock, I will leave a review when the last part is up.
 

Moonlight Drive

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I too shall leave a full review after Part 2, but that was awesome.

Teddy retired. >_> Shock of the night for sure
 

xtremebadass

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Holy crap dude....holy crap. Pulled out all of the stops again. WTF Teddy Lost?
 

THE Brian Kendrick's Biceps

Guest
Well, unlike everyone else, I don't actually mind breaking up my review.

Samoa Joe vs Umaga: Interesting choice for the first match. I thought this would go down a bit later. Anyway, the match was pretty strong, although there was nothing that I had never seen before really. The finish was pretty weak IMO, I mean, it was a battle of two beasts. It shouldn't really end with a roll up of sorts, even if Umaga had gone through a table. Joe going over was expected, but I think the finish weakens his win that much.

Christian Cage/MVP vs RVD/Sabu: I thought you did a very good job of making sure all four bodies were noticable as to where they were. It is a tricky thing to do, but I feel like you pulled it off right. Once again, I didn't really like the finish to this match. MVP doesn't do a dropkick to begin with. Plus a dropkick into the Playmaker is pretty weak. A dropkick isn't a sufficient enough move IMO. Still, it was an impressive match, and the champions retaining was definitely the right decision.

Randy Orton promo: Decent enough promo for the bland character that is Randy as a face. Got out the usual destiny line, which is him as a face.

CM Punk vs Edge: This was an excellent match. I felt going in that Edge couldn't possibly lose, and that he would just kill Punk. But I think that this definitely elevated Punk up to a new level. The match was awesome throughout, as you made Punk look competetive, giving him a chance of a victory. Everything moved from one thing to another well, and Punk kicking out of the Spear was a huge thing for him. Nice little sequence to end the match, but this was a match that benefited both men.

Muhammed Hassan/Mark Henry promo: This makes me think that Henry will turn face and attack Hassan, or possibly interfere and go crazy on both men later.

Teddy Hart promo: Just basically repeating the same stuff he's already said. Meh.

Teddy Hart vs Chavo Guerrero: Wow, this was a shocker. It seems weird ending the BTW career of Teddy in such a short amount of time, and with a roll up (again). I guess we will see Teddy back, possibly with a new persona. I can't see this being the end of his career in BTW. Anyway, it was a nice long match, which shocked me considering who you were using. Good effort.

AC: this has been a pretty impressive Pay Per View thus far, although I didn;t like most of the finishes you used for the matches. None the less, good start. Part 2 should only be better.
 

PARANoIR

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Starrcade Feedback.

There is plenty of hype about your work, you seem to be pretty highly regarded around here, so I thought I’d check it out. Please keep in mind I have no idea of the background of your thread, so if I miss anything, forgive me. Hopefully the hype is warranted.

Match 1 – Samoa Joe v Umaga.
To begin, props to you for having the guts to do this match. I know a lot of people who don’t want a bar of it because of the regular Samoa Joe/Umaga comparisons. This really is a huge match by all means to kick things off too. One would expect a match of this calibre to be lower on the card. Alright, total confusion already and I’m only in the first line of the match. The first sentence “Samoa Joe has taken by surprise the Samoan Bulldozer, and he starts nailing his opponent with lefts and rights on the outside of the ring.” Read that again, and tell me it makes perfect sense. I had to read it three times to realise that Somoa Joe was on the offensive because it sounded like at first read, that Umaga had made the jump on Joe. Your first paragraph really set the scene for the match and you made it clear just how personal this match is and how physical it would be. On the downside, your spelling and grammar is very ordinary. “Umaga KNOW advances...” “Umaga relentlessly just drops the steel steps over the body of Samoa Joe, THAT screams in pain” I know this sounds petty, but presentation is everything. It is important, in my opinion, for matches to flow and be easy for the readers to, well, read, and with poor spelling and grammar is takes longer to read the match because I see there and go WTF?! Causing me to go back and figure out just what the hell is happening. Your match writing ability is quite good, I like your vast use of adjectives, it certainly adds to the match and is a credit to you. I don’t like that you’re constantly referring to the competitors as “THAT” instead of “WHO” or “WHOM” etc. The flow of the match was quite contrary to be honest, some times it would be very good and other times it would be extremely ordinary - something to be fixed, in my opinion. As the match progressed, it continued as it started – a fight. A very physical encounter indeed, thus why I expected a stronger finish to be honest with you. The fact that such a brutal, physical match ends with a roll up after a competitor went through a table is a little disappointing. I expected a little more to be truthful. The final sentence wasn’t written very well, it made it hard to visualise just what happen because the sentence wasn’t structured very well at all so it made things hard to get a visual on. Never the less, a solid match. Great way to open the show. I notice you don’t make note of how many minutes you match was??? Any particular reason for that?? Do you use a words to minutes ratio at all? Or do you just write?

Match 2 – Sabu & RVD v Christian & MVP
Back to back matches? No promo other than the Turning Point thing? Okay. I mark for RVD and Christian and I hate MVP, so this should be an interesting read. Another ordinary opening in terms of description of the action. One minute RVD and Sabu were attacking “them” then suddenly they were attacking “him”. I know it’s petty, but good descriptions are crucial. Having said that, this match definitely picked up as it went on, it flowed much better than the previous match and you gave all four competitors a solid amount of spotlight, which can be hard with them all legal men at the same time, so props for that. It still had its share of grammar issues, but no where near as much as the first match. You need to be careful in tag matches like this when all four men are in the ring at once with referring to competitors as his “opponent”. When you start a new paragraph, you should reiterate who RVD (for instance) is currently squaring off with because it could be either Cage or MVP. “The BTW Continental Champion is likely to go over the top rope however last minute he catches Sabu fully back to his feet on the outside of the ring and he reacts with a Swanton like maneuver over the ropes and landing Sabu completely on the outside of the ring completely” Another sentence that makes just about zero sense. I literally had to read it 5 or 6 times to figure out what the hell was going on. One minute Christian is thrown out of the ring by RVD but at the last second he manages to halt his momentum then hit a Swanton like move to Sabu on the outside? Is that right, because I really have no idea??? The finish itself, once again, lacked substance and excitement. I was quite disappointed to see RVD take the fall as I thought that dignity might have been reserved for Sabu, but not to be. I’ve never seen MVP hit a drop kick. I’m not going to say he’s never hit one, but I’ve never seen him use it myself and even if he did, I strongly doubt it would be booked as a predecessor move to a finisher. A little more crowd incorporation wouldn’t have gone astray at various stages of this match either to be truthful. Another solid match mate, your ideas are great and the only problems I can find this far are only minute ones albeit crucial ones.

Promo time? Is Orton face or heel? You said the crowd erupted but then Orton abused Borash (a good thing btw, coz he’s a fag) which wouldn’t be a face act. The content of this promo was quite good, Orton’s character was pretty good but again, the grammar and sentence structure was this time, horrible. Examples. “I am sorry, I’m sorry. Forgive Jeremy I’ve, I’ve just been a little off as of late” Shouldn’t it be “Forgive me, Jeremy”? “People said I wouldn’t hold on to it for longer than a week, I prove them wrong.” ” Last week, while my blood was coming down my face, getting into my eyes and mixing with swear” Mixing it with sweaT, perhaps? Also instead of blood “coming” down his face, “streaming” or “pouring” would’ve been much better words. Very much a hit and miss promo, I enjoyed the content but I didn’t like the errors and it was a little generic, but that’s just Orton as a face (which I’ve concluded him to be).

Match 3 – CM Punk v Edge
My two (alive) favourites. I love seeing these two in the same ring. Another big match early on the card, good stuff. Having said that, I really have no idea what matches are on the card! I’m coming into this completely blind. Lol. On a side note, I like your graphics, do you make them yourself?????? A pleasant change from the earlier matches, this one kicked off very smoothly. Your descriptive word choices were very good, and you created a clear picture as to what was going down. Edge going for a Spear early on is questionable, although it does portray his character well (hence, being desperate end the match as quickly as possible). This match certainly is a step above the other two as I read on. The standard of writing is at a higher level. Punk kicking out of the Spear is HUGE and does big things for him however, after reading that I now think he’ll definitely lose because there’s no way Punk would kick out of Edge’s Spear then put him away... unless you’re burying the Rated R Superstar, of course. Can I recommend using CAPITALS (or maybe even BOLD) to add emphasis to major points in the match. Two prime examples: 1. “CM Punk springboards and flies across the ring looking to connect his opponent, however out of nowhere he is caught in mid air buy an impressive looking Spear” Whilst worded appropriately, you SHOULD be putting much more emphasis on a spot like this, because it is big, potentially a MAJOR turning point. “CM Punk springboards off top rope and flies towards his opponent, looking to connect with the a clothesline, however he is caught off guard with an IMPRESSIVE MID-AIR SPEAR OUT OF NO WHERE TO A MASSIVE POP!” 2. “Edge makes the cover being able to hook one leg: 1…2…, CM Punk somehow is able to get one shoulder up.” That’s kinda meh, it would be much better presented (and worded) like this – “Edge makes the cover, hooking the far leg of CM Punk, 1... 2... PUNK SOMEHOW MANAGES TO GET A SHOULDER UP TO A HUGE POP FROM THE CROWD!” If you emphasis more phases of the match, you will add much more tension and excitement in my opinion. The finish was great. Punk looked excellent, hoisting Edge up in the Firemans Carry and looking certain to hit the GTS only to fall victim to a second spear, he isn’t weakened by that at all and he still looks quite strong. Really well booked, but once again, if you’d emphasised the final exchange a little bit, it would’ve been even better. Match of the night thus far.

Another hit and miss. Henry was horrible but Hassan was okay. Can’t blame you for hyping the match between ‘Taker and Hassan more though and this thing with Henry seemingly adds a little more tension to it.

Match 4 – Chavo Guerrero v Teddy Hart
To the untrained eye in this thread (ie. Mine), this looks very much like a filler PPV match but it seems it has quite the personal feel to it and is of some importance, so it sounds like you’ve had a good build for this one. Teddie Guerrero... that’s brilliant. I love it. Another solid match up, the matches are getting better as we progress further into the show. You’ve incorporated some solid cruiserweight style moves as well as using a lot of Eddie Guerrero’s move set, which is nice too. Wow. Teddy losing after he beat Chris Jericho is huge, especially for Chavo. Gives him a big rub. The finish was disappointing, a match like this needs to end by something other than a roll up. If Teddy Hart is losing (which he did), the match, for mine, needs a conclusive finish. This sort of finish screams at me “rematch”, which in this instance is supposed to be impossible. After seeing the build, and knowing that Hart has beaten Jericho, this decision to put Chavo over seems like a bit of a waste of Hart’s momentum that he seemed to be building. Hart could’ve won and then you could’ve put on an even more personal rematch with some sort of gimmick. Solid match though, your grammar was still average however.

WHAT?! Why are we waiting for more matches??? Please tell me there isn’t a limit on the number of characters that can be posted in a single post? That would suck. I hope you’re just building to the next bit, unless the forum forces you to break up your post and does indeed have a character limit, I hate that you’re posting this is two (or more?) parts.

I’ll try and get some feedback up for the next lot of matches, as there’s a couple of big ones. Sapp v Lesnar v Goldberg is destined to be a slugfest.
 

The Rated R CMStar

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I thought I should comment to this post. I am not a native english speaker(not making excuses), so all the help and advices you just gave me are thins I will definitively try to improve. Some other mistakes were just distractions, like the "Forgive Jeremy" and other.

As for your question, Christian was indeed thrown toward the ropes and to last second he jumped over the ropes doing a Swanton towards Sabu. He used the momentum of the Irish Whip.

Orton is indeed a face showing in that promo some desperation traits about people saying he can't defeat Triple H.

The other question, I just write. I know in other forums there is the 200 words=1 minute "rule", however in this forum it doesn't apply


EDIT: MVP performs on rare occasions a front dropkick.

EDIT2: The Umaga vs Samoa Joe first line is correct. Check the entrance of Umaga and you'll see that Joe got out of the ring before Umaga entered and he started punching him.
 

PARANoIR

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Glad you cleared that up. Considering that English isn't your native language, your work is quite impressive.

Also, I wouldn't call 200:1 a "rule", more so a "guide". I've seen 150:1 and 100:1 used as well. I like it because I think it's always good to note how long a match lasted.

I'm still wondering why the split post??? Is there a character limit here? Tragic, if so.
 

THE Brian Kendrick's Biceps

Guest
No there is no character limit. However people do split up their PPV's, because it is less to read at once.

Which really makies no sense when you think about how most people don't actually review the show one post at a time.
 

PARANoIR

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It makes even less when you consider the reviewing format in place around here. If people actually did somewhat detailed reviews, then I guess I could understand it, but not to be. I find it hard enough to motivate myself at times to review shows and I get four shows in and am starting to get into the show... I've gotta wait for more? Not cool.
 

The Rated R CMStar

Guest
Altough I believe there is in fact a character limit. For example in the E-fed I had to edit the Final Impact PPV's main event because the post was too big. Same with my "B-day thread" that I posted my 20 best matches, the last one exceded the character limit
 

comicgeekelly

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Joe vs. Umaga- Brutal, brutal match. The only thing I didn't like about the match was the finish. It seemed kind of anti-climatic.

RVD/Sabu vs. Cage/MVP- Fast paced action. It was kind of odd that the champs didn't know the rules of the match. I was hoping for a title change, but oh well.

Punk vs. Edge- These two work well together. I don't have anything else to say about this match except; good match.

Chavo vs. Teddy- Wow. This was a great match. The emotion in the match came off well. Shocking ending. I usually don't care for Chavo, but you wrote him very well. Best match so far.

AC: I liked the PPV so far, can't wait to read part 2.

Plug: If you get the chance check out POI.
 

Evil Austin

Guest
sorry about a late review but that was a great first part man, really upped your game in this one in my opinion. By the way Ill review the other half when it is done. Here is review for part 1.

Samoa Joe vs Umaga -
Clash of the Samoans, a great storyline a bit of twitchy start the first few lines I didn't understand but you cleared that up with you not being that good at English. Its ok, but overall I am surprised this was the opener and it was a great back and forth match. And a great match ending with Samoa Joe winning good job with this match up.

One fall to a finish / Sabu & RVD / Cage / MVP a bit of an interesting concept with both titles on the line I know it was done by the wwe before in history but I never actually saw any of those matches so at first it was a bit confusing for me to gasp what was going on with what titles. .. But I got it in the end and overall the match was personally not as good as the first match with Joe and Umaga but still a great match up. With MVP winning on RVD was a pretty good upset with RVD fans and MVP lives to hold the title another day. Good work with this one, though I was hopping for cage or Rvd to win. But each wrestler in the match got their own part where they looked like they were going to win, you spread out this match nicely and with four wrestlers isn't that easy to do to write what each are doing. But you did it well.

Randy Orton Promo - A good promo, showed Randy was ready against the Game for thirty minutes (which I can't wait for should be a hell of a match) and Randy showed that with the pops he can use the crowd in the match to his advantage. It did its purpose to show that Randy was a ready challenger and thats good. (good that you added the destiny quote in there maybe add the legend killer quote too saying HHH is a legend and he is going to put him out or something ? but still it was good without it.)

Edge / CM Punk This was a great match at times I thought Edge was going to win being the ultamite oppertunist he might pull an upset but at times it looked like Punk was going to win and thats the good thing about your writting you don't know who is going to win until the match is over twists and turns all over the place. And thats why you are CMS.... THis match was the best out of the first three I think and it really showed that Punk could be a possible main eventer for BTW in the future months due to him having a near upset victory over Edge who held the BTW title for ten months. Great job writting this one.....

Now I know ther are more on the first part for the ppv than what I have reviewed but I have only read so far up to there.. I will review Part 2 with the rest of Part 1 in it. I promise, can't wait for Part 2....