LB watches Impact for a month for his sins

[Postman Dave]

Editors note: this is my third attempt at writing this now thanks to Windows 10. So any extra vinegar may be because of that.

As some of you are aware, I have been without broadband for over 4 weeks because of moving flat. Yes, I went four weeks with Netflix, Youtube, Scandanavian midget porn, and wrestling.

Well, almost wrestling....

Thanks to the good people of Challenge TV, I still had access to Impact Wrestling on Sundays at 9pm. Lucky me. Here's the rundown of the state of TNA these days.

Week 1

First match of my affair with TNA in 2015 is........Bram vs. Mr. Anderson. This is some sort of sick joke, isn't it?

It's not even a hardcore match either, it's a straight singles match. Featuring Bram. This goes as well as can be expected. Nice to see Anderson's completely given up on getting rid of that gut now by the way. At least he isn't hiding it under a t-shirt anymore. BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE KEN.
Anyway, this feud is based around finding out if Anderson can be as hardcore as Bram. Anderson wins, but it's not a hardcore match so nothing is really resolved. Plus, Bram beats up Anderson with his own mic post match. Sloid work there Ken.

James Storm tries to humiliate Khoya, but Khoya ain't having that shit and decides to go by his real name of Malabhali Shera. Man that's hard to spell, I can see why they went with Khoya. They could have spread this out a bit as dissension was only shown last week.

Gail Kim wrestles a 3 on 1 handicap match against the Dollhouse and wins. Honestly, the way wrestling has gone these last few years, it'd be an upset if Dollhouse actually won. Taryn needs to go back to being a face stat, Mia Yim/Jade needs to get away from this crap asap as she's better than this and Marti Belle is terribad.

Eli Drake somehow beats Drew Galloway. I mean, he had his feet on the ropes, but still? FYI, Drew makes three dudes with long brown hair and beards so far. Vary it up a bit fellas yeah? Drake needs a tag partner asap, he's gonna sink as a singles wrestler.

Rockstar Spud beat Austin Aries in one of the better matches of this 4 week spell. Aries is a great bully, which makes Spud's underdog act work perfectly. Bad news is now Aries is gone from TNA as a result of losing. Fuck sake, one episode in and already we're down TNA's best wrestler. Admittedly I'm not a Spud mark but Aries was practically wrestling himself at points.

Shera vs. Storm is next, because apparently we've got to get through 2 months of feud in one night. Match ends in DQ too after Storm clocks Shera with the cowbell. NEXT

Someone has laid out Bully Ray backstage. Wonder if he's alright now? :shifty:

Main event is EC3 defending against Matt Hardy in Full Metal Mayhem. Yep, skip the normal match and head straight for the gimmick! It's decent enough but doesn't stand out at all. Interference is banned, so EC3 actually wins clean. If I'm to give TNA credit for one thing, it's that EC3 is getting booked 10x better than Rollins as a young cocky champ right now.

Next time on week 2: When Poochie's not on screen, everyone should be asking, where's Poochie?

 

[Lover Boy]

I'm here for you man through this tough time. I know I'm watching the worst PPV's ever but I still think you've had it worse.

 

[Fuji Vice]

So, how long was Ray the authority figure for? I saw the episode where he came back and it seemed like a HUGE deal but then it seemed he was gone the following week. :


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[Postman Dave]

I'm here for you man through this tough time. I know I'm watching the worst PPV's ever but I still think you've had it worse.

TBF, I think a lot of the criticisms I'll be levelling at TNA will be the same as the ones I give WWE on regular basis. It just doesn't help TNA's roster isn't half as good as WWE's.

So, how long was Ray the authority figure for? I saw the episode where he came back and it seemed like a HUGE deal but then it seemed he was gone the following week. :


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No idea when he started but yeah, didn't exactly have an extended stay did Mr. Ray.

 

[Postman Dave]

Week 2

Jeff Jarrett is in charge this week, so we're getting some GFW vs. TNA matches tonight. Woop woop. I should point out that the KOTM title is that doomed Legends/Global/TV title that I thought was thrown into the fire years ago. We're getting a KOTM match tonight to determine a new champion as Jarrett is no longer an active competitor.

Awesome Kong vs. Lei'd Tapa is in HOSS battle. This about as good as you'd expect. Kong is a much better heel than face.

Bobby Roode is minus a best friend and feels like he's being ignored for the KOTM match. He starts a beef with Jarrett, because of course he must. He calls out Rockstar Spud and slaps him around a bit. Effective segment, but man they should have more for Roode than a Spud feud.

Lashley vs. Godderz in a KOTM qualifier. Fuck me, what did I do to deserve this. Terrible.

Another promo, this time by the champ EC3. Very promo heavy show this week. Anyway, Matt Hardy wants a rematch but EC3 says no because he's had his chance and lost. Legit point. EC3 and Tyrus then beat up Matt because why not? Man, the booking difference between EC3 and Seth Rollins is like night and day. Hear that WWE? Even TNA is booking their World champ better than you!

Gail Kim faces Jade & Marti in a cage match next week. Seems like a needless stip, especially when Gail has already beaten all three at once.

Wolves vs. Hawkins & Lee was decent enough. Not that the competitions been stiff tonight though.

Tuned out from here. PJ Black won the KOTM though. Go him.

Week 3 brings another gimmick heavy show. Because of course it does, it's TNA.

 

[Sabretooth]

So, how long was Ray the authority figure for? I saw the episode where he came back and it seemed like a HUGE deal but then it seemed he was gone the following week. :


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He's still on the TNA roster. How fucked is that when he's literally competing in another company :

 

[Lover Boy]

Week 2

Jeff Jarrett is in charge this week, so we're getting some GFW vs. TNA matches tonight. Woop woop. I should point out that the KOTM title is that doomed Legends/Global/TV title that I thought was thrown into the fire years ago. We're getting a KOTM match tonight to determine a new champion as Jarrett is no longer an active competitor.

Awesome Kong vs. Lei'd Tapa is in HOSS battle. This about as good as you'd expect. Kong is a much better heel than face.

Bobby Roode is minus a best friend and feels like he's being ignored for the KOTM match. He starts a beef with Jarrett, because of course he must. He calls out Rockstar Spud and slaps him around a bit. Effective segment, but man they should have more for Roode than a Spud feud.

Lashley vs. Godderz in a KOTM qualifier. Fuck me, what did I do to deserve this. Terrible.

Another promo, this time by the champ EC3. Very promo heavy show this week. Anyway, Matt Hardy wants a rematch but EC3 says no because he's had his chance and lost. Legit point. EC3 and Tyrus then beat up Matt because why not? Man, the booking difference between EC3 and Seth Rollins is like night and day. Hear that WWE? Even TNA is booking their World champ better than you!

Gail Kim faces Jade & Marti in a cage match next week. Seems like a needless stip, especially when Gail has already beaten all three at once.

Wolves vs. Hawkins & Lee was decent enough. Not that the competitions been stiff tonight though.

Tuned out from here. PJ Black won the KOTM though. Go him.

Week 3 brings another gimmick heavy show. Because of course it does, it's TNA.

Why did they give it to him in the first place then? :

 

[Postman Dave]

Week 3

I should warn in advance: This is definitely the worst of the shows I saw.

Poochie is in charge again. EC3 must defend the title against PJ Black tonight, and if he doesn't he must vacate the world title. Apparently EC3 is a prime suspect for attacking Bully Ray, and then Drew Galloway last week.

First match is an "Open Mic Challenge", in which Bram again faces Mr. Anderson. Here's a concise list on why this match sucks.
1. The match is basically one of those stupid ladder matches where an object hangs above the ring, but retrieving it doesn't end the match.
2. Therefore, that's right folks, it's the THIRD SHOW IN A ROW TO FEATURE A LADDER MATCH. And in true TNA form, none of them are actual straight "ladder matches".
3. They use both a ladder and a pile of chairs as weapons, thus negating the point of retrieving the microphone in the first place, as it serves no strategic advantage.
4. Bram gets the mic, but immediately loses it to Anderson, making the chase towards the object ultimately pointless.

I did think it was a waste to have Anderson win again at the time, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

The Revolution talk in the ring. This leads to Mahabali Shera coming out, and getting the chance to create a distinct character for himself. But no, he likes to have fun & dance, because he's the Great fucking Khali mark 2 apparently. Predictably, he also gets the shit beat out of him. They tease Manik showing remorse, which is infinitely more interesting angle than this one.

Gail Kim beat Marti & Jade in a thoroughly pointless cage match. Gail heads to the back after the match to find Taryn since her chronies have now been taken down. She finds her later BTW thanks to help from Velvet Sky (for some reason), and we cut away before Gail can get her revenge on screen. And I believe that was the end of the Gail/Taryn angle. Yep, without an actual blow off match between the two.

Drew Galloway beat Eli Drake in a No DQ match to make everything right in the world.

Eric Young cuts a promo, and is easily the best heel on the roster by a damn mile. His voice and manic style a very similar to World Champ Flair era. Any, Chris Melendez wants another match, because apparently he hasn't been beaten enough yet. EY refuses, leading Melendez to say he'll do ANYTHING. So EY makes the match for Melendez's leg. Amazing.

Again, I tuned out from here, but at least we finished on a high this time. Rest of the show was mostly garbage though.

Next time, will they put Poochie in charge for good?

 

[Postman Dave]

Just bumping this because I'm watching right now & Bobby Roode has apparently turned face.

Seriously, in the two months I've been watching this he's started as a face, turned heel, beat the fuck out of Rockstar Spud, then turned face, won back the KOTM (lol) title for TNA and became their conquering hero once again.

He literally turned heel to beat up Rockstar Spud and that's it. Only in TNA :

 

[Austin Bates]

Just bumping this because I'm watching right now & Bobby Roode has apparently turned face.

Seriously, in the two months I've been watching this he's started as a face, turned heel, beat the fuck out of Rockstar Spud, then turned face, won back the KOTM (lol) title for TNA and became their conquering hero once again.

He literally turned heel to beat up Rockstar Spud and that's it. Only in TNA :

Everyone just needs to accept Bobby Roode as a very moody person. Damn Canadians.