John Cena vs. The Rock

[Luke Flywalker]

The Rock should NOT have done the karaoke with We Will Rock You

Rock dropped a couple cool lines, it was a good segment, but it sputtered at the end, and a dead car is no better than a piece of shit car that gets around still



However, Cena brought some nice shit, and I was so fucking hype when I heard Basic Thuganomics... that was awesome. And oddly enough, this was probably his best promo in years... 1000x better than his last freestyle about The Rock.



Cena has won each verbal war decisively, and it only makes me feel stronger in my belief that Rock has 0 chance at winning this match. As much as I appreciate them making John look good at Rock's expense, it'd be even better if it were John stepping the fuck up to beat Rock at his A-game.

Jordan didn't play Kobe soft to make Kobe look good... he played great and made Kobe step up to look like he was good enough to hang... that's what the E should be doing here. Each Rock promo is making me wish more and more that Austin would come out, stun him, and either put him out of his misery or knock some fucking sense back into him.

 

[NinoBrown]

That was THE worst promo The Rock ever did. It was terrible.

The Rock made gay jokes, asked if there's any real men in the crowd and then messed up singing We Will Rock You by a gay singer. I'm a big Rock fan and I'm just tired of him right now. His act needs a tune up like immediately and photoshopped images are not it. I think Brandon over at WithLeather gave the best description of that waste of 15 minutes.

For the first time in my life, I’m ashamed of Cleveland.

Wait, that’s not right.

Worst: A Wordy Explanation Of Why The Rock Failed Last Night That You’ll Skip Because You Assume You Disagree, Because You Think The Rock Is Funny And Cena Can’t Wrestle And You Have The Objective Reasoning Of A Goat And Are Part Of The Problem

America’s Funniest Home Videos.

I mentioned it last week, but the worst part of any episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos is when they show, I don’t know, a grandma and her teeth fall out, and it makes a BEEEEYOOOOP~ sound effect and it’s only funny to the three people who are related to her who were in the room and sent in the video, but they cut to the crowd and grown f**king adults are just LAUGHING THEIR ASSES OFF. That’s The Rock Concert. 20 minutes of grandma’s teeth falling out and people losing their goddamn minds.

Last night, the Rock made two kinds of people laugh: those who laugh at funny words, and those who laugh because they’re supposed to.

He brought nothing new to the table. Two weeks ago, John Cena legitimately shook him up by mentioning his wrist notes, accepting his criticism with sarcasm, telling him he’s gonna beat the mess out of him at Mania and bailing. The next week, Rock regurgitated Cena’s act, showing up and leaving quickly after offering only “I’m a big guy and you’re a bitch”. That’s enough for the two kinds of people who laughed at the Rock concert, but I thought hey, maybe Rocky’s gonna do what I was suggesting and break out some good, easy-to-find-and-write material against Cena and make him work.

Last night was not that.

Last night was funny words. For everyone who criticized Cena for shrugging off the Rock’s insults and acting like he didn’t care, take at look at Rock here, ignoring the small amount of build they’ve actually had to touch on the following:

1. John Cena looks like Fruity Pebbles
2. John Cena is Kung Pao chicken
3. John Cena is a Teletubbie
4. John Cena has no balls
5. John Cena has a vagina
6. John Cena is gay and likes buttsex
7. John Cena’s mom is a whore
8. John Cena is only supported by pathetic virgins

Read that. That’s what you’re laughing at. The only halfway good burn in the entire thing was Cena having a wife and not ever bringing that up in the Eve situation, but even that was bookended by so much Snootchie Bootchies f**king babytalk jibberish that I couldn’t appreciate it. He’s not saying anything. I can’t compare him to many more things in popular culture to make you get what I’m saying. He’s Aziz Ansari’s “Raaaaaaaandy” character from Funny People. He’s making loud noises and jumping around in a circle and you’re pissing yourself with laughter.

The worst part of it all is that he’s ruining older segments that I love. The Rock Concert is one of my favorite things ever, and now I won’t be able to laugh about the Lakers beating the Kings in May without hearing Journey 2 star Dwayne Johnson mumbling his way through sh*tty Queen karaoke. He’s Chris Benoiting his old segments for me.

 

[sohaibzh]

I Love The Rock , I Hope to see him win

 

[The Showstopper]

The Rock and Cena need to beat the hell out of each other at the end of a promo.

 

[Luke Flywalker]

Security and everything.

 

[Airfixx]

Kudos for John, bringing back the throwback jersey and chain gang.

Kudos???

He looked like a complete fuckin' tool!

So fake and corny it hurt.

It's not like he didn't do a rap a few weeks back without humiliating himself (and was made to look all the more stupid because of it last week).

That was more authentic than that Rocky concert.

Comparrisons aside, how the hell can a guy pretending to be a CHARACTER he was 9 years ago(*) come accross as being "authentic" in ANY way?

(*A character that, itself, came accross as phoney 1st time around at that!)

 

[...god...]

Airfixx is right and is not even mentioning the most hilarious thing about this storyline. They're basically saying the only way John Cena can compare to The Rock is by bringing back the character Cena played for like TWO years tops and is the only time he was ever over with everyone. Yet for the past 6 years he's been this same garbage character we've seen pushed down our throat. He literally got stopped cheering when he stopped rapping so they're admitting he's been uninteresting and trash and has to resort to doing this gimmick again to somewhat scale to Rock who's been over pretty much all his career.

 

[sancho_man]

Got to go for the Rock. Just get tired of Cena and the same old same old. Love the man and his dedication just hate his booking

 

[NinoBrown]

So Cena going back to his gimmick of two years is corny and fake compared to The Rock concert that he did ONCE when he was HEEL?

 

[...god...]

Doing The Rock concert and singing is nothing out of the ordinary for the Rock character.. he acted the same way and insulted people the same and by the way he's done two concerts but hes sang on multiple occasions insulting people or just getting cheered. You have to be downs to think that Rock promo concert was bad let alone his worst promo, that shit was gold. The only part that somewhat was botched a little was the end but its no big deal unless you're a nitpicky douche. And before you say, no I don't jump on Cena for botching promos slightly nor do I give a shit. Also considering Rock has JUST come back and his video promos were all gold, every single promo he cut in 2011 was gold.. yeah, just blind marks complaining about shit because they're envious or hateful that the guy left the business. Then there is people who say that there shouldn't be talking and they should have just all out brawled at the end of the Rap vs. Concert segment. Those people are just stupid, let's just have them fight and ruin the huge tension there will be either tonight or before the match starts for them to fuck each other up. Btw, hate to break it to you Luke, but if Austin came back out of the blue it'd be the same thing. He'd be rusty, and you've already seen it. Everytime he's hosted he's not the same, not as on cue and even when he came back in 2007 for the Vince thing I remember people on here talking about how rusty he was on the mic and that he's lost it, so... once again, there's nothing really wrong with The Rock at all, just fickle ass internet wrestling fans being just that.

 

[monkeystyle]

I was literally about to cry when Monk said The Rock may be the most overrated wrestler because of this obviously worked promo, even if he did fuck up this promo, how about the other thousand he's nailed... yeah, ok.

Actually, looking at the past promos after the show was the catalyst. I have a hard time believing that my sense of humour has changed that much but after the Kung Pao chicken nonsense I watched a bunch of the best of the Rock videos and I found myself just not laughing. I watched those 3 segments he did with Hurricane that were heavily praised and found myself cringing at how bad they were.

I think if anything, nostalgia clouded my views on the Rock.

 

[...god...]

well it seems you never liked The Rock (you sure you don't like his 99 and probably some of early 2000? Which is probably his best work, as regarded by most, he seemed to have changed after he returned in 01), just the era and time period which is fine, but The Rock hasn't changed is my point. There was a shitload of great things that came out of the late 90's and early 2000's, too many to count. I've been watching a ton lately, but there's certainly more than The Rock and even Austin.

 

[Airfixx]

So Cena going back to his gimmick of two years is corny and fake compared to The Rock concert that he did ONCE when he was HEEL?

There's no coparrison. Cena came out dressed as a character he has not played/been for about 7 years and LOOKED STUPID. Rock simply came out as himself and sang a couple of songs.

Anyway, rather than debating my response to you, how about answering the original point.... What the fuck "kudos" does Cena deserve for dressing up as his old gimmick?

 

[Luke Flywalker]

Doing The Rock concert and singing is nothing out of the ordinary for the Rock character.. he acted the same way and insulted people the same and by the way he's done two concerts but hes sang on multiple occasions insulting people or just getting cheered. You have to be downs to think that Rock promo concert was bad let alone his worst promo, that shit was gold. The only part that somewhat was botched a little was the end but its no big deal unless you're a nitpicky douche. And before you say, no I don't jump on Cena for botching promos slightly nor do I give a shit. Also considering Rock has JUST come back and his video promos were all gold, every single promo he cut in 2011 was gold.. yeah, just blind marks complaining about shit because they're envious or hateful that the guy left the business. Then there is people who say that there shouldn't be talking and they should have just all out brawled at the end of the Rap vs. Concert segment. Those people are just stupid, let's just have them fight and ruin the huge tension there will be either tonight or before the match starts for them to fuck each other up. Btw, hate to break it to you Luke, but if Austin came back out of the blue it'd be the same thing. He'd be rusty, and you've already seen it. Everytime he's hosted he's not the same, not as on cue and even when he came back in 2007 for the Vince thing I remember people on here talking about how rusty he was on the mic and that he's lost it, so... once again, there's nothing really wrong with The Rock at all, just fickle ass internet wrestling fans being just that.

I didn't say I want Austin back... I just want him to come out and stun The Rock...