Tag Team Grudge Match Lethal Lottery Qualifier Trixie and Bret Bordeaux v. Don Marshall and Jean-Louis Gagnon with Bobby Tremblay Deadlines ❂ Remember that role-plays are to be received no later than 11:59 PM EST on Thursday, March 17th, 2022.
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If you could feedback the shit out of this, that'd be great!
Be as critical as possible, please! Thank you!
First, what I liked: You two have learned quite a bit about scene setting from your time in RWK/LDW, so that is a big plus. You also did a good job showing character and developing their personal narratives, like with Trixie having insecurities despite the win since she's so new to wrestling and she quips some good one-liners in there. I think the dynamic you two have with each other is really what took you guys over the edge against us in the tag turmoil and makes you guys endearing faces.
You also did address the match decently well which I find is something people sometimes forget for match promos when they are so focused on telling their individual story that they forget that aspect when you can probably be able to do both which you did, even saying a point how "Oh, they're pussies," and then saying WHY you think they are, jumping you in the doctor's office. As someone who has seen you guys over the years, you two have improved so much and I'm happy to see you guys kicking some ass again.
Things to keep in mind: Sometimes, while nobody's grammar is perfect (MY PROFESSORS TELL ME ALL THE TIME MY ERRORS LIKE HOLY SHIT! HOW DID I GET INTO LAW SCHOOL!?)
I think you can touch up a couple things. One thing is when you say "TV." You usually don't need to write it as T.V. or "T.V," but also you didn't keep it consistent between the two. Another thing is ellipses or three periods to indicate a pause. Usually they are limited to three periods and there is a space between the end of it and the next word. Otherwise it looks a bit messy. You can also mix it up by breaking it up by saying something like the person taking a breath, thinking a second about what they'll say next, just a general pause, sort of why there is a break in their speech. An example.
"I don't think I'm better than you... I KNOW I'm better than you!"
"I don't think I'm better than you," Bobby Hazard says before taking a brief pause and adding with emphasis, "I KNOW I'm better than you!"
Something small like that can add to the emotion of a promo or just generally make it a touch neater. It doesn't ruin the promo, but it did make me do a double take. So I think double checking that stuff can help and it is something everyone can work on, myself included.
Then the second thing I'll mention is I'm not 100% on what the norm is here around referencing directly other people's match promos if you posted after mainly because I tend to get my promos out of the way early here. Just because, and I think you remember this from Ryder fucking Parks in RWK, sometimes posting a promo last where you respond to someone's promo and basically spend the entire promo pointing out every little contradiction in someone else's promo it just becomes unfair. Someone can win despite having the personality of wet bread. Then in an extreme circumstance as we saw, it legit turns into everyone when facing them waiting until the last possible second to post a promo to avoid that happening. You did mention what they did by trying to "Go back to the Fundamentals" but didn't pull a Ryder Parks so that is not a major concern.
So if someone can clarify, that'd be nice!
So great scene setting, character work, and development while still focusing on the match, but don't forget to double check some grammar and stuff to help the flow.
