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Okay, class ended early thanks to a guest speaker being quick, let's look at Liberty Olivera Lawrenson, @Juice *sips on Guinness for St Patty's Day*
First thing which I like: She's a bitch and I say that in a good way. While perhaps you may have went a touch overboard with the "CUCKHOLDER" "DICKLESS" "WOKE SJWs!" at times, I get the message, she is rude, she is a bit catty when she wants to be, and she is vicious with her words and even has a bit of an ego. I also am glad you have a solid focus on your opponents. The scene setting is good as well especially for the opening, I find myself imagining a chaotic movie-set where she is getting in costume, but has something on her mind and needs to spit venom.
I also like the idea of a shift in tone depending on your opponent you are talking about. I've seen that done in promos and I've done it on occasion in my own where when you talk about someone you have that personal hate for after talking about someone else you shed the playful or rude insults and start to get serious, more personal, pissed off even. It shows layers with a character which is important.
But I think middle is where you kind of start to lose me. I get she's on a movie-set, but in terms for a match promo, I'm not sure if we really need to see a movie-scene with her, especially when it doesn't develop her character when she is legit playing another character nor do I feel it promotes the match much.
Then the final promo, since it is basically three promos in one, while I like the fact she had a shift to being more serious when she talks about Brian, it comes off as pretty striking and doesn't connect with the other thirds of the promo well enough. I think there are ways to accomplish goal of showing the two sides of Liberty so to speak and even playing with the movie idea.
Like say she is getting ready, does her stuff for the Crimson Ghost and goes to shoot her scene, but she is unable to focus or messes up, like Brian is on her mind, and she has to take five. So, she moves to a private area, hits record, and says something like: "I can't get you out of my head, I can't focus. THIS is the most important thing to me and Brian, this message is dedicated to you and only you." Then promo, end with a killer line. That way you keep everything connected better, the movie stuff does play some role in developing the story and Liberty without feeling like filler and accomplishing your goals of showing her character of her as the diva, and her as the wrestler.
So, to summarize, I like the character overall, you did a good job developing both sides of her and setting a scene, but the flow could have been done a bit better to tie everything together and having that shift from rude to serious come over the course of a promo and feel natural.
First thing which I like: She's a bitch and I say that in a good way. While perhaps you may have went a touch overboard with the "CUCKHOLDER" "DICKLESS" "WOKE SJWs!" at times, I get the message, she is rude, she is a bit catty when she wants to be, and she is vicious with her words and even has a bit of an ego. I also am glad you have a solid focus on your opponents. The scene setting is good as well especially for the opening, I find myself imagining a chaotic movie-set where she is getting in costume, but has something on her mind and needs to spit venom.
I also like the idea of a shift in tone depending on your opponent you are talking about. I've seen that done in promos and I've done it on occasion in my own where when you talk about someone you have that personal hate for after talking about someone else you shed the playful or rude insults and start to get serious, more personal, pissed off even. It shows layers with a character which is important.
But I think middle is where you kind of start to lose me. I get she's on a movie-set, but in terms for a match promo, I'm not sure if we really need to see a movie-scene with her, especially when it doesn't develop her character when she is legit playing another character nor do I feel it promotes the match much.
Then the final promo, since it is basically three promos in one, while I like the fact she had a shift to being more serious when she talks about Brian, it comes off as pretty striking and doesn't connect with the other thirds of the promo well enough. I think there are ways to accomplish goal of showing the two sides of Liberty so to speak and even playing with the movie idea.
Like say she is getting ready, does her stuff for the Crimson Ghost and goes to shoot her scene, but she is unable to focus or messes up, like Brian is on her mind, and she has to take five. So, she moves to a private area, hits record, and says something like: "I can't get you out of my head, I can't focus. THIS is the most important thing to me and Brian, this message is dedicated to you and only you." Then promo, end with a killer line. That way you keep everything connected better, the movie stuff does play some role in developing the story and Liberty without feeling like filler and accomplishing your goals of showing her character of her as the diva, and her as the wrestler.
So, to summarize, I like the character overall, you did a good job developing both sides of her and setting a scene, but the flow could have been done a bit better to tie everything together and having that shift from rude to serious come over the course of a promo and feel natural.
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