AMA General Promo Discussion Thread

[WelshyBOI]

Cali and Vampiress v. Blaze and Gamma

Tag Team Rankings Match Lethal Lottery Qualifier Cali Hayama and Vampiress v. Johnny Blaze and Azrael Gamma Deadlines ❂ Remember that role-plays are to be received no later than 11:59 PM EST on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022.

wrestlingsmarks.com

Now this is a promo I actually would love feedback on mainly because it is my first like... proper match promo with Vampiress. Even if she has appeared in promos and segments with Cali, it was always like conversational. The two having a conversation. Not a promo directed AT someone. I also tried to balance both "languages" a bit. All translated with brackets. What do you guys think of Vampiress in this promo and just the dynamic between her and Cali with how I'm advancing the story?

I shall give my, frankly, worthless opinion as a fellow promo writer who's far beneath your capabilities, in the hopes that you at least find it "Awe, look at the silly little Welshman trying to give his useless thoughts" . Here goes!

It is a dim room. Candles appear all around, giving a gentle glow. Through the tender lights, we see some banners. Japanese symbols are on them with different colours. Bonsai trees are sitting under then, delicate and beautiful. A gentle stream is heard from a fountain. A clock ticks on the wall as its hands move. There is a calmness about it. A dark quiet room where one can clear your thoughts.

Right, first off, scene-setting: As far as the information, i.e where you are, what's there and the ambience and whatnot, it was great. It was a little choppy, for me at least, since personally, I would've tried to add a little something extra to each of the pieces being described...I'll use the clock as a quick example since it'd take me, like, 2 hours to set the entire scene since I am by far the SLOWEST writer on the planet

"A clock ticks away, its sound cutting through the otherwise tranquil silence., yet adding to the tranquillity nonetheless"

Or something to that effect, lol. That just comes down to personal preference, however, so in terms of the actual job of scene-setting, you achieved the ultimate goal, since from what you wrote, I know exactly the surroundings the characters find themselves in, but, IMO, it could've been jazzed up a little

We see the faint outline of a woman sitting cross-legged on the floor. Her face is covered with an intricate mask. There are sharp designs around the holes for her eyes, a sharp “V” design on the forehead, then the shape of “fangs” around her mouth. We see the faint outline of dark lipstick and dark makeup with some sparkling purple. Hanging out of the mask, we see her hair, dark with purple dyed tips. She has wrestling gear on. Long one-legged tights with a skirt and belt, matching bra with some outlines. The colours are primarily black with a mix of purple and a neon green outline. She has her eyes closed as she is at peace. Vampiress. She speaks in English, speaking slowly to ensure she pronounces everything correctly. Though, there is still a hint of confidence under it, with her voice cutting through the room.

“This is a place of peace and quiet for me. The perfect place to be one with your spirit. Let yourself be charmed by her power. Let her guide you through the night. Rest, for this is a calm before a storm…”

Then in the background.

A light clang of metal. Then another followed by a third, beginning to become louder. Two more are heard then we see another woman, this one holding a steel chair. It has graffiti on its seat, a neon Green M. Also wearing her in-ring gear, we see her long tights matching the colours of the other woman with openings on the side, boots, kick pads, and knee pads branded one with an 8-bit skull with a crown and the other a silver “M.” She has an open hoodie on. Black with an “M” logo over the heart, all different colours outlining it. Leaning down on her chair, she pulls back her hood to show her face. Cali Hayama, with a newer look. Her brown locks have been chopped down to her shoulders and her hair is dyed with a mix of a darkened silver and black.

“And that storm is coming at Under Attack…”

Next up, character description: The level of detail you put into bringing these two incredibly unique individuals was fantastic. Nothing bad to say about it whatsoever...I wouldn't have come anywhere close to this. You honestly couldn't have described their appearance better if you actually fucking created exact replicas of the outfits and got the IRL reps to wear them maybe a little too far, there, but you get the jest. Top notch character description!

Now, I shall speak on each character separately and what I think of them and shit, basically (I'm fucking trying, alright! Leave me and my stupidness alone! )

Cali "X" Hayama (AKA that person that the extremely famous wrestler Bellatrix Bordeaux has plucked from obscurity VIA Twiiter and turned into a major internet superstar! ): I've enjoyed the struggle that Cali's been going though thus far in AMA. She's being pulled in multiple directions, with different aspects of her personality fighting between themselves to decide on the direction she wants to go it. Does she want to be an upstanding member of the roster? Should she play the game as it was intended to be played, that being by the rules? Or, should she go down the road where if there is a cheatcode that allows her to progress through the story quicker and easier, she would be willing to take it? I like that either end of the spectrum there's a physical embodiment of each ideal...those being Marquise Bridges and Christopher McMichael. I like that she has a high level of self-awareness in that she understands why and how she's in the position she's in, having come off of 3 losses on the bounce. She comes across asvery open andhonest with herself, and those sorts of traits are endearing no matter the side of the coin she winds up landing on.

As for her ability to verbally slaughter opponents when a camera's rolling, she was top notch as per usual. I got a kick out of her giving Azrael the pet name "Gammy", lol. She's starting to convince me that she's into some serious kinks, given that she's now brought up BDSM, blood fetish and the love of being dominated by Asian chicks during her 2 match AMA career not judging, but her mind keeps going there, andtherefore it leads me to wonder anyway, she did everything that a good promo should accomplish. She verbally destroyed her opponents and their characters, she explained why her and Vampiress were the more effective team and she explained why she thinks that she and her MAYHEW compadre are going to emerge victorious. Top notch verbal assaulting from "The Slayer Queen".

Vampiress (AKA the FRIEND of the person that the extremely famous wrestler Bellatrix Bordeaux has plucked from obscurity VIA Twitter and turned into a major internet superstar! ): We got to find out a lot about Vampiress here, which I enjoyed. She comes off as a very thoughtful and deliberate person. She's very spiritual. We got to hear about the origins of her mask being that her parents were against her career choice and therefore she had to hide her identity, the look stuck and she felt that the mask gave her a confidence and belief that was lacking beforehand. We learned that for the most part, you won't ever be able to understand her if you're incapable of reading since she struggles with English a bit . She's VERY sure of herself and extremely blunt, literally just out and pretty much saying "I'm smart as fuck and I'm hard as fucking nails, do something about it" lol. I very much enjoyed her, and I hope she stays around so that Trixie can learn that evil language of Vampires, know as "Japanese" apparently, so that she can befriend her and the three of them can have tea parties and shit

All in all, this promo and the characters themselves receive the rating of...A+ out of 10...that's what a grade should look like, right?

@Princess Rosé them's my thoughts, and I apologise that they're definitely not as constructive as what you've given me in the past, but as previously mentioned...I'm quite stupid, and therefore this is the best I can do.

 

[CakeWalker]

will attempt to write a roleplay tomorrow - but being in the state I am in was never the plan.

 

[Grimoire Lenin]

Aka Yurei v. Liberty Olivera Lawrenson

Clockwork Orange House of Fun Match Aka Yurei v. Liberty Olivera Lawrenson Deadlines ❂ Remember that role-plays are to be received no later than 11:59 PM EST on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022.

wrestlingsmarks.com

Will take promo reviews.

 

[Rosie]

will attempt to write a roleplay tomorrow - but being in the state I am in was never the plan.

Hope you feel better soon! If you can't, I think it is understandable. Don't force yourself!

Aka Yurei v. Liberty Olivera Lawrenson

Clockwork Orange House of Fun Match Aka Yurei v. Liberty Olivera Lawrenson Deadlines ❂ Remember that role-plays are to be received no later than 11:59 PM EST on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022.

wrestlingsmarks.com

Will take promo reviews.

I may write one after work. But 10/10 for the Cali mention since there are obvious parallels with two gals with Japanese experience, dream match incoming.

 

[Nostradamus]

Since I’m still developing Marquise, I would love some feedback on this promo from anyone.

Marquise Bridges v. Christopher McMichaels

Marquise Bridges v. Christopher McMichaels Deadlines ❂ Remember that role-plays are to be received no later than 11:59 PM EST on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022.

wrestlingsmarks.com

 

[Rosie]

Since I’m still developing Marquise, I would love some feedback on this promo from anyone.

Marquise Bridges v. Christopher McMichaels

Marquise Bridges v. Christopher McMichaels Deadlines ❂ Remember that role-plays are to be received no later than 11:59 PM EST on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022.

wrestlingsmarks.com

I'll add you to... THE LIST. Then maybe we can get some Residence development when we have the chance, and maybe you can do some also to my Cali and Vampiress promo, partna'

 

[Comrade Khan]

Sigrid Skógr and Reina Vega v. The Matriarchy

Tag Team Rankings Match Lethal Lottery Qualifier Sigrid Skógr and Reina Vega v. The Matriarchy Deadlines ❂ Remember that role-plays are to be received no later than 11:59 PM EST on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022.

wrestlingsmarks.com

first introduction. lmk if u like or not

 

[Rosie]

Looks like I got reading to do after work.

 

[Grimoire Lenin]

I also wanna mention that my whole description of the alleys and Old Town's sort of morbidly decrepit expressions of pre-Depression-era architecture are based entirely on the sort of experience I was envisioning from listening to Ennio Morricone's "Once Upon a Time in America" soundtrack non-stop, especially Poverty.

Spoiler

 

[Jay-Ashley]

I also wanna mention that my whole description of the alleys and Old Town's sort of morbidly decrepit expressions of pre-Depression-era architecture are based entirely on the sort of experience I was envisioning from listening to Ennio Morricone's "Once Upon a Time in America" soundtrack non-stop, especially Poverty.

Spoiler

Great movie and great soundtrack

 

[Grimoire Lenin]

Great movie and great soundtrack

Definitely Sergio Leone's pet project come to life, and the greatest deconstruction of the mob genre ever.

 

[Jay-Ashley]

Definitely Sergio Leone's pet project come to life, and the greatest deconstruction of the mob genre ever.

Agree, and I think that may have been the reason why people may not have liked it as much.

 

[CakeWalker]

Bordeaux v. The High Command

The Kommander of The High Command Rules Dumpster Match Trixie and Bret Bordeaux v. The High Command Deadlines ❂ Remember that role-plays are to be received no later than 11:59 PM EST on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022.

wrestlingsmarks.com

enjoy that nonsense

 

[Grimoire Lenin]

Agree, and I think that may have been the reason why people may not have liked it as much.

It also doesn't help the US distributors fucking butchered it to hell

 

[Jay-Ashley]

It also doesn't help the US distributors fucking butchered it to hell

Very true.