Jack The Clipper: Love it. This was a big Chris Kennedy type monologue where Jack did a pretty good job shooting on his opponents. I think once we get to the meat where Jack starts going in on Madison and Blake, you can feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. "Madison Grey, Blake Taylor. You were involved in a game of Russian Roulette that you didn't even know about, and you lost. Your life was put on the line, and now you both get tossed into the pit with the lion that's gonna rip you apart. You're gonna be lucky to just survive the pain I'm bringing your way because you need to understand, when you walk down that ramp come show time…. You're not walking into a ring where you've been honing your craft for the last year. Instead? You're walking into my house. My moment. That I've been working years to get to..and you think in one night either of you can take this moment from me? See ya gotta understand, both of ya think you're ya going be in for a fight, but you're not stepping into the ring; at the anniversary show, that ring is gonna turn into a place like this" - Ohh chills. Literal chills. The part where you absolutely tear apart Blake Taylor, the MMA, and Joe Rogan had me rolling too. Those were all good parts. The problem is though, monologue promos like this just don't work as well in today's FWA. It's all dialog, and I think this is where debuting as a new charcter for both you and Blake put you guys at a disadvantage here...because it's so hard to display character development in an opening promo. I think a vignette promo like this works for an episode of Meltdown or Fallout, but when fighting in a number one contenders match it's really hard to come in and write a winning promo out of the gate for a brand new character.
I'm also going to say, and you're not going to like this and maybe it's a hot take, but there's a recurring theme with AON characters. And it's that they don't live past their gimmicks. Gimmicks only go so long, eventually like snake skin you have to shead it and evolve. But I think with Yuna, or Jack The Clipper, or Lilith, or whoever...eventually the gimmick runs itself out, and that's what I fear for Jack. The evil barber gimmick is great, but I think the biggest thing to work on is how do you evolve that. Of course I said the same exact think to Chris fucking Peacock when he debuted and here that motherfucking is still dancing around and carrying the world championship so what do I actually know?
Tommy Bedlam: Pinning XYZ as the Riddler is great. I think Superhero promos are always fun because they definitely paint this contorted point of view that you're the hero and the guy you're facing is the bad guy. Especially when in reality the lines are much more blurred. I do think the Batman/Riddler gimmick was sort of dropped halfway through and it seemed like Tommy was just Tommy. I wasn't really picturing him as Batman without because I feel like that imagery wasn't consistent, but I think you were going for like a Bruce Wayne/Tommy Bedlam sort of thing, as by Chapter 3 we do switch back over to more of a direct Batman look when the action gets going. The presentation was pretty solid with things like the ransom notes with the different background and font, along with the comic book-type action splats towards the end. I liked the ending well, and enjoyed the comedic jabs of Tommy throwing him of the roof, but he isn't dead. Nice little parody of comic book logic. But the ending in that, even after Tommy takes care of XYZ there's still going to be threats coming after his title, it's a nice staple that sort of outlines the theme of this promo pretty nicely. Not that Tommy is Batman and XYZ is The Ridder, but that Tommy sees himself as this Superhero defending this city/title, and there's always going to be threats.
Jackson Fenix: Just going to start by saying I think this is one of your best promos of all the times. We've seen a few promos where the characters speak to a duplicate version of himself, but I enjoyed this "Bad Fenix" being more like...a personification of a bad self esteem, and not just like an evil devil on the shoulder. I also enjoyed the Snitsky reference. Jackson keep having to reassure himself and ignore those negative thoughts I think is a pretty solid introduction to the promo, one that should be looped back around. The middle part with Nate and Jackson is good and shows the history between these two friends, and also Nate sort of serves as a voice for the reader in observing that something is definitely wrong with Jackson. I like the transitions in the last part. With you not having the name but just the dialog and color you can as the reader know that the voice is just in his head at that point, but when he stands in front of him the format changes again with the name. I think when we talk presentation we think fancy colors and pictures but I also think things like that are part of presentation and have more thought behind it sometimes than just a cool gif. Overall this promo was a nice little feel good one, with Jackson battling his inner demons. It really gives major babyface vibes, The Disney Channel feel good stuff might be a little too on the nose at the end with Nate hugging him and closing it out, but overall this promo at the very least has gotten me on Team Jackson. I agree with SS that while some of the other promos in the roulette came off very listy, this promo does a good job of avoiding that and focusing on the whole.
Katsu: I think a prison promo is a pretty solid choice given the setting of Katsu's match, and I think using setting to symbolize your match setting isn't something we see enough...I mean I guess we don't get the opportunity as writers enough, but I'm glad you saw it and took it. Not sure how far that goes grading-wise, but personally I think it'd play a little bit into it for me. As far as presentation goes I think overall as far as formatting goes everything looks solid with the graphics, font, and colors. The only thing I don't like is the left alignment, maybe it's personal preference but I'm also big on centered alignment for the most part. Maybe if we're doing a flashback or I want to differentiate between scenes somehow I'd switch back and forth, but overall making everything left aligned feels off to me. Not a huge deal though, but just something I'm pointing out. The "opening credits" part of the promo I thought was creative and had solid imagery because as you read it you can sort of see it all playing out, especially if you play the song. I think each section is done pretty well, but it's clear Alyster Black and Chris Peacock took a bigger focus. I agree with SS that it gets a bit listy at parts, but I don't think it's a list promo. I've seen worse, I think if you did each section with a different opponent and then didn't loop the others back in here and there it'd be more of a list promo, and I think some characters like Jackson Fenix and Death Walker do get that treatment, but Alyster and Peacock definitely seem to have some recurring parts. I mean even Cole and Jackson keep coming back around to. Overall I think you used all your opponents as characters, and keep all of those characters overall recurring throughout as they try to work through this conflict.
I also disagree with SS in the fact that it really matters whether or not you perfectly captured the way that Chris Peacock talks or whatever, as I think this is intended to be a parody. If you were writing Chris Peacock as Chris Peacock, I'd be more concerned that you're using Chris Peacock w/o permission. I think using other characters, especially by direct name, is risky enough as it is, so you tread a thin line when it comes to writing dialog for them. I think it's safer to make it more of a parody than to try and imitate their mannerisms from head to toe.
I think my only gripe story-wise is Katsu comes in and has some major main character energy, which is probably the point, but I do think in reality she's with some very strong personalities, and I don't know if they'd have even let her have her big monologue moment at the end. But in a way I think that's sort of the message, that Katsu does see herself as big as they are. Again I'd also echo what I said earlier in that I think Alyster and Peacock sort of overshadow Cole, Jackson, and Death Walker in this story. Which is fine, I think you identified them as the two biggest threats, but it's a gamble if one of those three end up coming guns ablazing.
Overall I think this was a world title caliber promo, and did send the message that Katsu/you were trying to send which was that you're on that level.
Trixie Bordeaux: First of all from a presentation standpoint I like the way you portrayed this black and white setting. You'd think you could just do a white background black font style, but that wouldn't give me that vibe. The backgrounds, fonts, and blends you use really give off right away that this is an old timey black and white sort of deal. Your world-building of Fantasyland is really well done and I enjoy the throwback to Matty Robinson that I feel like most newbies wouldn't know, so it's clear you paid attention in FWA history class. I enjoyed the reportrayal of Blair and Celestia's loss to DSI, and Trixie's point of view. I think it does a good job of showcasing Trixie's care for her friends, and building off a stable loss that I personally was probably just going to move on from instead of using it in a productive way like this. The final chapter I think is what brings it all together with the carnival. I think the portrayal of Chris Crowe again goes back to what I said in the Katsu review, in that you don't have to portray the character you're parodying accurately, because obviously it's an exaggerated parody. Although I think the parody is more clear here, so there's less confusion. Crowe comes off as Disney villain here, and I think from Trixie's POV that absolutely makes sense. Overall I think this does a good job of showcasing Trixie as being this person, while naive and silly...is someone who is brave and willing to stand up for her friends, and that's something that's sort of been slowly developing since Trixie met The Coven girls.
Blake Taylor: I think overall this is a better promo than most dudes come in and write as their first promo in the FWA. It can take a while to adjust. I'm also surprised that you were able to utilize some FWA reporter personalities. Shake Meltzer not as much because he's pretty well known, but I don't even remember where I had posts from Ty Johnson and Nuances of Wrestling on this site, so I sort of popped when you had him show up. I think a first promo, especially on a big show, is hard but overall you did a solid introduction to the character while also referencing your opponents and the match and I think that's about as much as I would ask for from a first-time promo. Eventually, though you're going to need to evolve your story, settings, and visuals in new ways. I suggest taking a gander through and reading some other promos this show to get a solid idea on what kind of heat your opponents are going to be throwing.
Fucking awesome stuff, dude.
