E-Fed Testing Ground!

[Andrew]

We come back from commercial break as we see Wade Barrett standing by the commentary desk as #BADNEWSBARRETT podium has been set up.

Wade Barrett: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a surprise for you. I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, Wade Barrett is back in business and will be competing in UWF in no time. The bad news is I am stuck with these ungrateful bastards who are not deserving of anything. Since my disappearance many wrestlers have came and gone, there is one issue with what I've seen lately. Shall I continue? Let's speak about the UWF Champions that we have here because there is... Good News and Bad News. The good news is UWF is now two-branded, the bad news is it's cluttered with many wrestlers who thrive for opportunity and mind you... it's caused quite the debacle if you ask me! But I shall go on, it's bad news that Vacant has been such a superior championship; the fact that Kurt Angle is just another Miz in a business like this. You go on to win the big one, disappear because you're afraid of losing the belt. But alas, Shawn Michaels ended up winning the gold and will be facing fellow Canadian Tyson Kidd... Well Shawn's became a cranky man, the bad news is... his Alzheimer's won't allow him to wrestle for much longer. The good news is Tyson Kidd could just as well be the new champion and put everyone out of their misery, the bad news... I'll be coming straight after the winner... Well maybe not just yet but my time will come. But whilst I'm still reporting the good and bad news, it is important that each and every single one of you overweight ungrateful suckers listen because it could do you some good. I don't like you and you don't like me, we've established that now. The good news is there's more championships in UWF, the bad news is John Cena currently holds the European Championship and has done so for the past two-hundred and twenty-five days. The good news is he's became an established wrestler and the bad news is he's became arrogant, cocky and God... God Save The Queen but someone needs to kick John Cena's derriere and take that Championship belt off him, it's a disgrace to a British man and a man who hails from the European Continent! It sickens me knowing Daniel Bryan and Christopher Daniels are thriving for the belt, it disgusts me!

I'm not finished yet, the good news is the Global Championship changed his name to Steve Borden. I was getting infuriated because he was using the Sting name. Sting is a singer, quite the singer Sting is; you cannot go wrong with the song 'Roxanne'. But the bad news is Steve Borden has good 'ol Prince Albert with him; better known as Matthew Bloom. The pairing is quite unique, it just reminds me of the time where Sting relied on Seth Rollins and his opponent at Starrcade... Kane. The good news is 'Purveyors of Poison' isn't around anymore, I always felt that the stable was not impressive and needed to end. Thankfully it did, but the bad news is... Kane. A man who was unmasked, masked himself again, I honestly don't think he's a monster anymore. You know... I used to be afraid of monsters, but that was when I was a wee lad in my diapers. Mind you, the outcome of the match at Starrcade will not have any affect on me. Shall I find myself facing either one? It wouldn't bother me because the bad news is, I'm a bareknuckle fighter and I can glimpse myself into glory knowing I am a true champion. The good news is, I'm not around in UWF yet... so you're all extremely lucky about that because an old man down the street tried to tell me that the coffee was good on the cornershop. I thought it was quite blatant of him telling me what is good and what is bad. The bad news, the coffee sucked. The good news, I happened to get a free coffee backstage and it was much better. Back to subject, I was saying that it's extremely lucky these wrestlers backstage don't have to face me just yet because they would have no idea what's hit them. They'd have no clue how to digest a loss from me, I am a true fighter and I am true to this company. The good news is I could be face of the company, the bad news... I'm not. Yet. The crowd is booing Wade Barrett so hard that Wade Barrett cracks a smile as he soaks it all in.

Wade Barrett: With Starrcade just around the corner, I best speak about a fellow Irishmen Sheamus. The good news is, he's going to beat Hulk Hogan at Starrcade for the Transatlantic Championship. The bad news, he has to face Hulk Hogan, a man who can barely walk and has aged badly. Didn't Hulk ever learn after his divorce from Linda? The fact his daughter is a train-wreck and his son is nothing more than a criminal walking around? It's a shame to see what America has became, it's a real shame. The good news is unlike you Americans I am not one of them, the bad news... Because I am going to be working for UWF, I had to apply for a citizenship and I am in fact; an American citizen. But while I speak on America, we have a dead man as your American Champion and the bad news is this company has selected a Mexican Contender to try take the belt from a Zombie. This is like watching a bad episode of The Walking Dead, the good news is... Once I arrive UWF, I'll be on RAW not on Smackdown so they won't be placing a man from the United Kingdom as an American Champion. The bad news, Smackdown may be seeing a Mexican-American Champion, that's not good for business. Whilst I hate America, the Championship defines America. Where as I... I would want to be competing for the European or Transatlantic Championship because it defines me, but in a business like this... It's a bit cuckoo at times, any championship will be pleasant to me. Whether it defines me or not, the good news is, gold is gold. The bad news, having to deal with incompetent morons who are against you being a Champion.

I am far from finished Ladies and Gentlemen, the good news about being on RAW means I can actually pave my way and get what I want, a Championship that I strive for and the bad news is you petty sod's are still complaining and moaning, I've yet to come back! Shut your pipes while I am speaking! I'm seeing a Championship being unified in MVP, Matt Morgan and their challenger, Edge. The good news is only one becomes Champion, the bad news is we could see another Edge reign. Wasn't it already putting me and many to sleep knowing Edge had quite the reign. Well I'll be stumped, the good news once again... I'll be on RAW so I won't have to worry about Smackdown's reigning Champion at all. While we speak of Smackdown, there's a man who is known as Mr. Kennedy and is quite the loud-mouth. It hurts my ears when I listen to him, I'd much rather be a stone-deaf person than have to listen to the man speak. The good news is he could be losing his Hardcore Championship belt on Smackdown this week, the bad news... AJ Styles could win it, a man who does not represent Hardcore and was a former champion and is nothing more than Dixie's private escort. The good news, if Ken Kennedy manages to win the Championship we'll see him dignify the meaning of Hardcore against three other opponents, the bad news... He's the longest reigning Smackdown Champion and it could go to waste to a man less deserving.

The good news in all of this, I am now finished with my news bulletin. However I'm adding a few news of my own, at Starrcade... there's bad news. I do not have an opponent, the good news is... I could issue an open challenge. There's just one way to find out if I'll be at Starrcade, if I am... it may be BAD NEWS.

The #BADNEWSBARRETT stamp comes up on the screen as the cameras pan elsewhere.​

 

[Slim]

The Ultimate Warrior’s theme hits as he starts his sprint down the aisle.







The aisle is a bit longer than anticipated so he continues his sprint to the ring.
From the same spot for some reason







He finally reaches the ring and does his usual shaking of the ropes before grabbing a mic clearly out of breath.







Ultimate Warrior:


The… the… I… (takes deep breath)… tired.







Warrior passes out in the ring.​

 

[rawisrey]

Respeto plays throughout the arena, as the stage dons a Mexican Flag. Through the curtain come out Camacho on a low-rider bike with Hunico standing on the pegs, microphone in hand. They make it to the stage before Hunico hops off and raises the microphone up.

Hunico:
​

¡Somos pocos pero Locos Mugrosos!

The crowd boo as Hunico shouts out to them in Spanish, laughing afterwards before he starts speaking in Spanish.
​

Lo que están viendo ahorita es el futuro de este negocio, Camacho Y yo, nosotros somos los que trabajamos duros mientras ustedes nos juzgan. Nos juzgan no más porque estamos en la esquina tomando, ustedes nos dicen borrachos, chicanos, y mexicanos.¿Pues saben qué? Nosotros trabajamos desde abajo para todo lo que queremos, y ustedes no más piensan que se merecen todo porque nacieron aquí, pero ya no va ser así.

Hunico and Camacho stop at the end of the ramp, looking around for a moment.
​

Y ahora, les hablo en su idioma patético, porque ya sé que la bola de pendejos que esta en este ciudad no me va entender nada de lo que hablo.

Hunico slides into the ring and Camacho "parks" the low-rider bike in front of the steps, Camacho makes his way up the steps and into the ring as Hunico starts speaking English, with Camacho towering behind him.
​

Let me talk to you in your own language, ya see Camacho and I we are the future. We are the future because unlike all of you mugrosos, we ain’t afraid to work hard. Unlike you, who think you deserve everything handed to you, cause you were born here. Well where we come from, tenemos que pelear para todo, we have to Fight for everything. Y desde ahorita, starting right now, all of you are going to learn what it’s like to be held down. What it’s like for people like me to try and make it here, what it’s like when we decide we don’t want to put on the flashy mask and don’t want to be associated with a family que nunca fue tan bueno como ustedes pensaron, that was never as good as you all thought they were. I’m no cobarde warrior, and when you look at me I aint no mystery, no yo soy el único que van ver desde ahora. I’m the only one you’ll be watching from no on, Cause Hunico and Camacho, we gonna teach you what it’s like to have to fight for what you want, cause if anyone back there wants to make it here Van a tener que pasar por mi primero mugrosos, you’re going to have to get through me first. ¡Vatos locos para siempre, y Arriba Mexico!​

​

 

[Chris Dresdon]

"WEEEEELLLLL,
WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW!"



"Big" by Jim Johnston begins to play over the PA system as the crowd rises to their feet and boos at the impending arrival of the "World's Largest Athlete". They don't have to wait long as the big man makes his way from the back through the curtain and makes his way down the ramp to the ring.

Big Show circles the ring and retrieves a microphone from the ringside official before making his way up the steel steps, walks along the ring apron, and steps over the top rope to enter it. He walks to the center of the ring as he draws the microphone up towards his mouth.

Big Show: Predictable. From the looks on all of your stupid faces, to the booing you're wasting your breath and energy with, I could see it all coming from a mile away. After all that I've done over the years to make myself look like an idiot just because it made you laugh, after all the times I embarassed myself just because it entertained you, the lengths I went to to make all of you happy instead of me, this is the thanks that I get. I never had to stoop to those lengths, but I did it because I wanted to be a team player, I was satisfied with whatever spot I was given as long as I was given one, but not anymore. I am a seven foot, five hundred pound, devastating mass of humanity and it's about time I stopped using that size to be a circus act and go back to using it to get what I want and do what makes me happy, which is taking your favorite superstars by the throat, hoisting them up into the air, and slamming them into the mat.

Big Show grins at the thought of this as the fans boo him more passionately.

I've been told time and time again that being a joke is what I'm best at. Well you know what else I've been told time and time again? That for as wide and tall as I am, my life will be that much shorter because of it, that it was only a matter of time before my heart gave out under all of the weight I'm carrying, but I'm still kicking in that respect so it's not going to be difficult at all to prove that what I do best isn't making people laugh, what I do best is making people overcome with fear, what I do best is making people cower, and then making them feel an immeasurable amount of pain just because I can, and when I have other reasons besides my own entertainment, the damage is that much more devastating. But none of you remember that and it's all because of the years of my career I flushed down the toilet selling my soul to the cheap pops that those comedic antics drew from you. Well I'm here to give you a very rude reminder, so all of the guys in the back, I suggest you hit your knees and start praying to whoever it is you pray to that you aren't the first person this angry giant comes after.

Big Show drops his microphone and exits the ring as his music begins to play again, making his way up the ramp as the fans continue to boo him.​