Donnie watches WWF 1985

[Sky]

Finally we're about to reach Mania 1!

Please don't skip the David Sammartino match this time because it feels unfair to skip PPV matches

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: US Express-2/2/85
WWF Women's Champion: Leilani Kai

WWF WRESTLEMANIA
MARCH 31ST, 1985
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
NEW YORK, NY​

Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse Ventura are our commentators for the evening, and will now be the lead duo for almost every major show going forward for the next 5 years.

Mean Gene sings America the Beautiful.

In the aisle way, Alfred Hayes will be interviewing all the wrestlers.

We go to a pre-tape where Gene is standing by with Tito Santana. He says the Masked Executioner is a big tough man, but he's never been in the big leagues like the WWF. He has goals and no one will be stopping them.

Executioner walks on and cuts a very bad promo about going after Tito's hurt leg.

Match#1 Tito Santana vs Masked Executioner
It's Buddy Rose under a mask in a super weird choice given he's fucking Buddy Rose, but whatever. Really fun 5 minute opener as Tito is on fire and hits everything clean and sick as hell, and Buddy bumps and sells like crazy for him. So it works exactly at it should for a showcase match for the best babyface in the company. Buddy goes after the leg and we get a short but sweet control seg before Tito fires back and runs through him. He cracks him with the Forearm and then locks in the Figure Four to win.
**3/4

In the back, Geno is with SD Jones. He's so happy to be here and he's ready to get down with the music man and fight King Kong Bundy.
-King KongBundy and Hart walk and say there is nothing more fitting than the biggest man being on the biggest show ever. SD is going to be thinking about that 5 count when he hits the Avalanche

Match#2 King Kong Bundy w/Jimmy Hart vs SD Jones
Famously listed as 9 seconds in a classic WWF/E lie. It's actually about 25 seconds of Bundy running through him and killing him with the Avalanche to win in a sick squash.
I NEED A 5 COUNT.

Post match, Fink announces it as 9 seconds, and Gorilla says the previous record was 23 seconds. So, Bundy has broken neither lmao.

Mean Gene-
-Matt Borne is here and he's going to beat a man known worldwide. Steamboat is too nice of a guy, and he's going to beat him up.
-Ricky Steamboat says this is the biggest task of his life, and he's ready. He's going to develop that meanness that Borne says he lacks.

Match#3 Ricky Steamboat vs Matt Borne
Only four minutes in a real bullshit call, but it's the 80's on PPV so i sadly get it. Still, both dudes look amazing with super clean crisp offence and really beat the shit out of each other. Borne gets a short control and hits a sweet belly to belly and really hurts Ricky, but he can't keep him down. Ricky fires back and beats the shit out of him with all his amazing stuff and he wins with the sick flying Crossbody.
**3/4

Mean Gene-
-David Sammartino and his shitty Dad says words, but there's not a fucking chance we're covering that.
-Brutus and Johnny V also says words, but nah.

Match#4 David Sammartino w/Brutus Sammartino vs Brutus Beefcake w/Johnny Valiant
In a shocking moment this is really bad and clunky as fuck as neither man can wrestle, and both seem really lost given they have to fill in 13 minutes without someone here to guide them. They go on the mat and it's not good at all, and then it turns into a bad control seg from Brutus where David sells none of it and looks like a jerk. It breaks down and David falls to the floor where V slams him, so Bruno goes after him and all 4 doofus fight and the ref throws it out and calls a double DQ.
1/2*

"Still to come, the confrontations of all times" -Gorilla.

Mean Gene-
-Greg Valentine & Jimmy Hart. Greg says he will show why he's the best IC champion ever, and the master of the figure four.
-JYD is going to chew on him like a bone.

Match#5 Greg Valentine (c) w/Jimmy Hart vs Junkyard Dog (WWF Intercontiental Championship)
Fine 6 minute Hammer carry job. He bumps for all of JYD's horrible offence to make him look good for once, and then his control seg is good fun. It's the most simplistic Hammer match ever, but given JYD is the worst, it makes all the sense to do it like this. It breaks down as it tends to, and Hammer gets his feet on the ropes to win. Tito comes down to tell the ref what happend so he restarts it, but Hammer walks off and loses via countout in a real lame finish.
*1/2

Post match, Hart holds Hammer back and eventually gets him to leave.

In the back, Sheiky is ready to humble these stupid Americans and take the titles.

In the back, US Express cut another horrible promo where they both say nothing. i hate them so much.

Match#6 US Express (c) w/Lou Albano vs Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff w/Freddie Blassie (WWF Tag Team Championships)
Only 7 minutes in a good choice given Nik can't be trusted. Awesome opening with Sheikly fighting them both and we some killer exchanges as he finally gets to work again. Nik gets in and looks awful on offence and defence, but the Express sell well for him and help him out. Mike is isolated and the control is pretty fun for a couple of minutes with some good selling from him. Barry has a sick hot tag beating the shit out of both of them, and it's a reminder of how good he is and is going to be when he hits his peak. Shit breaks down and Blassie sneaks in the cane and Sheik brains Barry with it and they steal the titles.
**1/2

In the back, Gene is so mad at them. Blassie says he never had a cane and they won the titles fair and square. IRAN NUMBER 1 GENE MEAN.

Match#7 Andre The Giant vs Big John Studd w/Bobby Heenan (Bodyslam Challenge-$15,000 vs Andre's Career)
Woooooo monster fight. They club and beat the crap out of each other, and given the stories of Andre hating Studd, you can really see him laying in everything he smacks him with. He strangles him and shakes his head in a real violent way and it feels like a proper monster movie. Andre then locks in a bearhug and controls him and mostly eats him up, and hey, Studd sucks so fine by me. Andre slams him and wins the cash. WOOOOOOOOO
**

Post match, he throws the money out into the crowd until Heenan steals the money back and runs for it.

In the back, Andre is very happy.

Match#8 Leilani Kai (c) w/Fabulous Moolah vs Wendi Richter w/Cyndi Lauper. (WWF Women's Championship)
Not good at all as Wendi is again very terrible and botches a ton, and Kai can only do so much. Wendi counters a Crossbody into a rollup to win.
1/2*

Post match, the faces celebrate.


Billy Martin comes out to be guest ring announcer for the main event. He brings out guest timekeeper Liberace, who does the classic dance with the Rockettes. Martin then introduces guest outside referee, Muhammad Ali.

Piper comes out to a bagpipe band in a wonderful intro. Pure scum but also the coolest man in the world.

Match#9 Hulk Hogan & Mr T w/Jimmy Snuka vs Roddy Piper & Paul Orndorff w/Bob Orton
Pat Patterson is the referee as to make sure T doesn't die for real at the hands of Piper. They start first and it's awesome as shit as they go to the mat and T holds his own and makes Piper freak at as a result. MR T GETS HIM IN THE FIREMAN'S CARRY AND DROPS HIM LIKE A SACK OF SHIT. IT BREAKS DOWN AND A MASSIVE BRAWL HAPPENS AND IT'S COOL AS HELL. ALI GETS IN THE RING AND THROWS A PUNCH AT PIPER AND GETS ACE TO BACK OFF. The faces stay in control and shitcan them in awesome fashion and Piper bumps his ass for them over and over and each one is cooler than the last. He finally nails Hogan with a loaded fist and hits him with a chair to isolate him, and the control is fun as hell. Hogan sells his ass off and dies for Wonderful on all his big power spots. T gets the tag but he's isolated right away and the heels beat his ass. Hogan gets the tag and all hell breaks loose as the seconds get involved. Wonderful holds Hogan for Ace to come off the top with his cast, but Hogan moves and Ace knocks Wonderful out cold and Hogan makes the pin.
***

An absolute blast.

Post match, Piper decks Patterson. He leaves Wonderful dead on the mat and leaves with Orton. OH SHIT.

Back in the ring, Hogan and T helps Wonderful to his feet and he freaks out and gets out of there confused and hurt.

In the back, the faces cut a promo about how happy they are about winning in the combat zone. Hogan is turned on, brother.

Pretty fun show, but not sure if we'll ever get another WrestleMania again. Fingers crossed, though.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

Finally we're about to reach Mania 1!

Please don't skip the David Sammartino match this time because it feels unfair to skip PPV matches

I'll never skip a PPV match or SNME/Clash type show.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF Championship Wrestling
April 6th, 1985
Poughkeepsie, NY

Match#1 The British Bulldogs vs AJ Pertruzi & Matt Borne
Fuck Yeah. Borne looks awesome fighting DK as he kicks his ass until he gets caught and has the shit kicked out of him in return. Davey has the fun arm work in between power stuff, and it's a really good showing for him. Ode to the Bulldogs does it.
**

WWF Update-
-Mean Gene goes over the ending of the tag match at Mania and Wonderful being left behind by Piper and Orton. He says Orndorff was heard backstage saying he has realised he has no friends at all. OH SHIT

BUY THE WWF MAGAZINE TO SEE DON MURACO ON THE BEACH.

Match#2 Don Muraco w/Mr Fuji vs Billy Mack
Another sick squash for our beach bum hero. He beats the fuck out of him with killer power moves and wins with the Spike Tombstone.
**

Mean Gene-
-Gene recaps the title changes at Mania.
-Tito walks on and says his ojective is still the IC title now that Valentine still has it. His actions don't surprise him anymore because he knows how to win without ever needing to get a pin. He always gets help from the outside, and he's not finished with him. He wants to take him back to Mexico and beat him on the streets but beating him in the ring for the title is going to be much sweeter.

Match#3 The Dream Team vs Aldo Marino & Jose Luis Rivera
Brutus & Hammer have formed a dream team to add to WWF finally doing something worthwhile with the worst division they have. Brutus is far better in a team where Hammer can fuck everyone up and he just needs to throw in some shots every once and a while. Plus, it means no more singles squashes for the most part which is a blessing. Vince spends the match talking about how good Brutus's body looks, and yeah gross as fuck. Beefcake wins with the knee.
**

Mean Gene-
-Don Muraco is here. He says Gene should be thanking him for getting him some pretty girls, and Gene starts laughing. He says since they're close, he wants to talk about disease and darkness, and says everyone in the WWF wants to avoid him and wants to avoid the darkness. He says untreated, the disease runs wild, and he has to cure the disease. Cocaine is bad.

Match#4 Ricky Steamboat vs Jim Hailey
Ricky runs through a big boy jobber with his wonderful offence, and it's such fun to watch him do his thing. Flying Crossbody does the job.
**

We go a pre-tape with Piper, Ace and Studd sitting in the locker room after Mania. Studd says he wasn't slammed and Andre is a damned thief and liar. He's not done with him and he's going to pay. Piper says Andre is a big goof trying to buy friends, and he's got none. Studd says Andre should be retired and back on a boat to France. HE WAS NEVER SLAMMED.

We get footage of the end of the tag title match.

Match#5 Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog vs Rusty Brooks & Bob Wade
Fuck you, stop sticking Tito with this jackass. Far too much JYD bringing this down and not enough Tito. Figure Four ends it.
1/2*

Post match, JYD takes an old woman out of the crowd and dances with her as Vince shouts "GET DOWN WITH GRANDMA"

Mean Gene-
Heenan, Hart and Johnny V are all standing by. V praises them both being great at what they do. Heenan and Hart do the same and call out Albano as a traitor to the cause, and they swear revenge on him.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF All-Star Wrestling
April 6th, 1985
Hamilton, Ontario

Match#1 Don Muraco vs Rick McGraw
Fuji is not here tonight, and Jesse thinks it's because he's not needed for someone like McGraw. Rick goes nuts on Don with takedowns and mat work and beats his ass, and makes Jesse look like a fool. He stays on him and really dominates, but Don counters a suplex into a backdrop and lands on top and gets the 3 in a super odd thing.
*3/4

They replay the update on Wonderful.

Match#2 Tony Atlas & George Wells vs Frank Marconi & Gino Carbello
4 horrid minutes is given to these two idiots, and i hate everything. They have no idea how to fill in space so they do headlocks and shoulderblocks, and it's the worst kind of squash. Jesse makes me laugh when he shouts "CANADIAN STYLE SHOULDERBLOCK" when Wells hits one, and it's such a funny little insane moment. Press slam ends it.
Poop

Match#3 King Kong Bundy w/Jimmy Hart vs Ron Hutchison
Fat man clubbing and clobbering for two minutes. Avalanche and the 5 count does it.
*3/4

They replay the Piper/Studd interview. Best thing about ASW is the replays make it a 25 minute show.

Match#4 British Bulldogs vs Matt Borne & Mr X
Bulldogs do their thing again with Borne and it rocks a ton. Sick mat work and power stuff, and the Dogs have taken the best team spot in the WWF for now. DK really lays in his shots and fucks them up, and it's soooo cool. They murder X with the fucking Doomsday Device of all things.
**

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF Championship Wrestling
April 13th, 1985
Poughkeepsie, NY

Match#1 Greg Valentine w/Jimmy Hart vs Doc Bulter
Good Hammer outing as always. A shame he didn't shoot Doc and laugh at his corpse, but maybe next time. Figure Four ends it.
*3/4

WWF Update-
-Hillbilly Jim's leg is broken and he's out for the next 4 months.

Match#2 David Sa...NO

Mean Gene-
-The British Bulldogs walk on and formally introduce themselves as British cousins who love to fight and wrestle, and maybe even light a homeless person on fire if it comes to it.

Match#2 King Kong Bundy w/Jimmy Hart vs Aldo Marino
Another fun fat man squash from our new fatty hero. Avalanche and a 5 count claims another man.
*34

Mean Gene-
-Ricky Steamboat. He says the WWF is the best scene in the world and it's all over the place with how big it has became. He says people have called him washed up and finished, but he's in the best shape of his life and his pride is going to make this is the best comeback of his life. He talks about the team with Snuka, but it thankfully never gets off the ground, so nevermind that.

Match#4 Ricky Steamboat vs Rusty Brookes
Ricky armdrags this huge fucker in an insane display of strength. He keeps it up and wins with a sick Superfly Splash.
**

In the back, Piper and Ace are standing by. Piper says they've never lost in anything in their lives, and that's why they accepted the match, but he didn't know that his chosen partner didn't have the guts to get it done. He says Mr. T was shaking like a mother elephant who just had a baby giraffe and Orton says if Paul would have just had the strength to hold on to Hogan or the intellect to cover Mr. T, he would have won, and Paul has a great body, but he's stupid. Piper says Mr. Wonderful is done riding on their reputations, same with Mr. T and Hogan, and says nobody wants to fight him.

They replay the ending of the women's title match.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF All-Star Wrestling
April 13th, 1985
Hamilton, Ontario

Match#1 Junkyard Dog vs Gino Carbello
THUMP COKE

Replay of WWF update.

Match#2 Don Muraco vs Yvone Laverduex
Don murders a Frenchmen in another wonderful squash for our cokehead. Spike Tombstone does it again.
**

They replay Ricky's interview.

Match#3 Bret Hart vs Ron Hutchison
Bret now has the black and pink getup and it's an all time perfect look. Bret is coming into his own with great strikes and headbutts and it's all coming together at a rapid rate. Bret wins with an Elbow off Bret's Rope.
*3/4

THE BODY SHOP MAKES IT DEBUT. FUCK YEAH. He brings on the entire Heenan Family and sings their praises. Bobby says Andre is doing nothing because he's not a real giant like he has. There is only one brain and that's him. Studd says he can't be slammed, and Andre stole his money. Ken says they'll never lose with such a great trio.

They replay the ending of the tag title match.

Match#4 Ricky Steamboat & Tito Santana vs Moondog Spot s & Rene Goulet
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. Insane fire and offence from them as you'd expect, and they make for the best team squash for a random duo ever. Orton walks down and watches on, and i hope he's going to feud with Ricky. There's a million cool spots and moments, and i wish they were champions. Tito murders Rene with the Forearm and then Ricky follows up with the Splash to win it.
**3/4

 

[BigVanDonnie]

WWF World Champion: Hulk Hogan-23/1/84
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Greg Valentine-13/10/84
WWF Tag Team Champions: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff-31/3/85
WWF Women's Champion: Wendi Richter-31/3/85

WWF Championship Wrestling
April 20th, 1985
Poughkeepsie, NY

Match#1 The British Bulldogs vs Steve Lombardi & Barry O
Another killer one for the fellas. O is a shit jobber, but Lombardi takes a great beating for the Dogs to make up for it. Ode does it.
**

WWF Update-
-King Kong Bundy is destroying the competition and everyone is on notice.

Match#2 Brutus Beefcake w/Jonnhy Valiant vs Ron Dee
Bad stuff from Brutus as he works a bad lazy power squash and it's terrible. Knee does it.
1/2*

Mean Gene-
-Orton has the cast and says it's a protective device to keep him safe. He says he would never stoop so low to hit a man upside the head with it. He's climbing to the top with Piper by his side. Money changes everything and Piper and he are after the money and take the winner's share of the purse. That's the name of the game. He says it's not his fault, it's Wonderful who's crying over it.

Match#3 Hart Foundation w/Jimmy Hart vs Mario Mancini & SD Jones.
AHHHHHHHHHH FUCK YES. THEY'RE FINALLY HERE AND LIFE GETS A HELL OF A LOT BETTER. Anvil does sick crazy man power moves, and Bret uses his new found skills to beat the fuck out them as well. Just a perfect debut squash. Hart Attack makes it debut to get it done.
**3/4

Match#4 Don Muraco vs Sal Gee
Don does it again as he seemingly can't miss in a squash. Spike Tombstone does another one.
**

Piper's Pit in the locker room with Jesse Ventura. Piper says he's here because he was at ringside watching them beat the hell out of Hogan and T. Jesse says he's never seen more incompetent referees than Patterson and Ali. That washed up boxer was a fool who had no business being there. Piper says he doesn't blame him for changing his name all the time. T was struggling to breath and it's time for him to go back to Chicago or else. Piper says if they had Jesse as a partner instead of the idiot who lifts dumbbells with his teeth, Mr Blonderful, they would have won. Jesse says he's happy to help him any time and he worse earrings before T ever made it cool.

In a pre-tape, Hillbilly Jim thanks the fans for the letters and cards.

Match#5 Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog vs Mr X & R.T Reynolds
Really bad again as JYD does the bulk of the work and it's awful. Thump does it.
THUMP FUCK

 

[BigVanDonnie]

Ricky Steamboat & Tito Santana vs The Dream Team w/Jimmy Hart (21/4/85)
HOLY FUCK. Brutus is the weakest link by a mile. but the other 3 are wrestling soulmates and make it work perfectly. The babyfaces are in powder blue tights just to further remind us how cool they are. Sick opening flurry with them bouncing the boys around the ring and it's so, so cool. Tito fights Hammer again and it's the best, and now Ricky is added to the mix and that's a killer matchup as well. Greg kicks Tito in the dick to take over, and it turns into another control seg full of the meanest stuff possible from Hammer, and some fine stuff from Brutus. Hammer knocks Ricky off the apron onto the concrete in a nasty bump, and then goes back to kicking the shit out of Tito like he couldn't help himself. Ricky has a tremendous hot tag as he goes insane on them and pinballs them all over, but Brutus rakes his eyes to isolate him. Great short control seg on Ricky from Hammer, and i can't wait for some singles matches. Tito has an even better hot tag than Ricky as he fucks them up as only he can. It all breaks down as it tends to, AND TITO COUNTERS AN ATOMIC DROP BY GRABBING HAMMER'S LEG AND HE TURNS IT INTO THE FIGURE FOUR AND GREG TAPS OUT. HOLY SHIT.
***1/2

Hulk Hogan (c) vs Paul Orndorff (WWF World Championship)
Hogan is a prick as he attacks poor Wonderful from behind and beats the shit out of like a coward. Paul's a dick, but he doesn't deserve it for the most part. Hogan keeps it up with eye rakes and back scratches and it's a classic shithead Hogan attack. They have a fine back and forth and Hogan rolls through a crossbody to win.
**'

POST MATCH WONDERFUL OFFERS HIS HAND AND HOGAN ISN'T SURE WHAT TO DO, BUT AFTER A MOMENT HE SHAKES PAUL'S HAND, HELL YEAH BROTHER