Donnie watches TNA 2007

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Samoa Joe-21/6/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Samoa Joe-15/7/07

TNA HARD JUSTICE
AUGUST 12TH, 2007
IMPACT ZONE

Horrible intro video covering that last horrible month of TV.

Pacman shows up in a hummer with his crew.

Mike and DW spend a good 5 minutes running down the card and then throw it to a Pacman video talking about what controversial person he is.

Match#1 Jay Lethal & Sonjay Dutt vs The Motor City Machine Guns vs Christopher Daniels & Senshi w/Elix Skipper.
Well, ok hell yeah. Great opening flurry from everyone going wild as hell with anything cool they can think of. The fans side with Shelley right away, and basically turn the Guns face as they boo the hell out of any offence on them, and cheer for anything they do. XXX drag Lethal to the floor and slam him on the concrete and feed him to Sabin, and we get a wonderful little Guns control seg before Ki blind tags in and boots the crap out of Jay himself with some nasty work. Daniels joins and XXX also get a control seg beating the hell out of our little hero. Daniels looks far better in this role than the last few months, and it's a welcome sight. Jay makes a super fun comeback and tags Sonjay in for a brief hot tag before it all breaks down and we get our chaos as is the norm. Jay hits a sick tope as Shelley has Sonjay in a crab hold on the outside, and he takes his damn head off. A big dive train follows, and Skipper takes Sabin out with the rope walk rana. Everyone else gets back in and goes wild again with dives from all 6 corners in a sick moment. The Guns swarm Jay and beat the shit out of him and hit the Rush, but Dutt saves from nowhere. They take him out, but Ki comes off the top with the double stomp to kill Sabin. XXX BREAK OUT THE ODE TO THE BULLDOGS BUT WITH KI HITTING THE DOUBLE STOMP ON SHELLEY AND DANIELS HITTING A DVD ON DUTT TO SEND HIM ON TOP OF SHELLEY RIGHT AFTER. JESUS CHRIST. That gets broken up as well, but XXX refuse to die and keep fighting everyone, but Jay shoves Daniels into Ki and rolls him up to pull the win out.
***

Post match, Jay and Daniels shove each other and have to be pulled apart.

In the back. JB finds Karen and new bald dude kissing and drinking wine on a couch.

Before the next match, Raven says he's willing to accept Kaz back and forgive all if he shakes his hand. Kaz shakes it, but he hits them all with cane shots before they can get to him.

Match#2 Raven w/Serotonin vs Kaz
Kaz hits a big dive onto the goons and beats their asses and makes fools of them, But Raven hits him with a dropkick and White Russians him into a the guardrail to take over, and he hits another one to hurt him worse. RAVEN CLIMBS KAZ'S SHOULDERS AND DOES A REALLY NICE LOOKING VICTORY ROLL. MY GOD. Raven keeps beating on him and looks far better than he has in a year plus as he's hitting hard and moving well, and it warms my heart and then some. Kaz is a good FIP getting his ass handed to him and taking all the shots as hard as he can, so props for that. He comes back with tons of fire and his offence is actually perfect for someone like Raven to eat. The ghouls try to help, but they get taken out like the losers they are. Kaz kills Havoc with a sweet springboard Rana, but he walks into a cane shot to the face. Raven throws him back in. He survives a little and hits a running boot out of nowhere to win.
**1/2

In the back, JB tells Kurt what happened earlier, and Kurt says this is menopause. He's in shock that she's drinking because she doesn't do that. He asks if he's younger than him or if he has gold medals. JB isn't sure, so Kurt runs off to find out.

Hype for Rhino/Storm. The highlight is Storm making fun of the drinking problems by taking a drink and saying he's fine, so what's the problem.

The ring has a ton of beer bottles around it and a table in the middle set up with more drinks and chairs.

Match#3 James Storm w/Ms Jackie vs Rhino (Bar Room Brawl)
Rhino throws a chair at Storm on the ramp and brawls with in the crowd, and they have another tremendous hate filled fight with some sick as hell strikes. They go all over the Zone and break out some new places to fight to keep it different, and it feels like a perfect way to show how badly these two hate each other. Storm gets chucked through a wall and leaves a massive hole in it. They fight back to ringside where they use the bar setup, AND RHINO DRINKS BEFORE HE HITS STORM. OH NO. He sprays it on Jackie as she's even trying to tell him not to do it. He goes wild and keeps spraying her and drinking some of it himself, and he gets more and more fucked up as he does it. There's a toilet sitting in front of the announce booth in a wonderful TNA moment. Storm gets a crutch and hits him with it to take over and suplexes him on the ramp. They keep fighting and Rhino is able to backdrop him through a table to get some space and beats him down. He walks off and gets a ladder, and DW makes a don't operate heavy equipment gag as he picks it up. Bless. Jackie gets in to save and helps Storm take back over and throw Rhino into the ladder on the outside. Storm beats him up with a trash can and wreaks his brain. He brains him with a chair and uses the conchairto to knock him out cold, but drunk Rhino just gets back up from it, but he eats a superkick to knock him back down, AND STORM BREAKS THE BEER BOTTLE RIGHT OVER THE BACK OF HIS HEAD TO FINALLY KILL HIM AND PIN HIM TO WIN.
**3/4

in the back, Ron Killings returns from the dead to rant about how much Pacman sucks, and how everyone should know who he is. This publicly stunt is about to go to hell.

Mike and DW kill time by talking about Kurt and Joe as the ring is being cleaned up.

Match#4 LAX vs Voodoo Kin Mafia w/Roxxi
The fans now love LAX, and even DW talks about how you can't help but love how they do things in the ring in spite of the evil things they do out of it. Ci takes some big bumps to start as he smashes his body into the buckles as Kip hurls him into them, and he splatters himself on each shot. BG gets in and is actually trying hard as it's PPV, and Ci dies for him to help him out. They work his back for a while, and the crowd gets hotter and hotter for Ci to fight back, and once he does they lose it in happiness. The big man dives over the ropes to take VKM out and throws them around with ease, and Ci comes back to life to help him out. He sets BG up for the Border Toss, but Roxxi throws powder in his eyes and Kip hits the fammasser to win. FUCK. No wait, Héctor Guerrero leaves the booth on the otherside and tells the ref about it, and the match is restarted. Ci rolls Kip up to win quick smart, and the old cunt kicks out right on 3. FUCKING DIE.
**

Post match, Ci and Hernandez are very confused, but seem to thank him in their own way and walk away.

In the back, EY talks about being beat up as a kid by bullies and teachers, and how he's been drinking his milk now. Kurt walk on and says he couldn't find Karen, and asks JB if he's with her now, and JB is confused. Kurt asks EY if he's her new boy toy, and EY says Karen is out of hie league and that new guy is way better looking than him. Kurt freaks out again and leaves to find them.

Match#5 Eric Young vs Robert Roode w/Ms Brooks (Tar and Feathers Match)
Same opening as the last 10000000 times they met this year. Roode takes over the same way he always does with Brooks' help, and his control goes the exact same fucking way it always goddamn does, EY fights back and Roode cuts him off and cheats with Brass Knucks to win.
1/4*

Post match, they go to tar EY, but Gail saves him. She gets attacked as well, but Roode accidentally punches Brooks and knocks her out. EY gets up and says she's going to get it now, and he tars and feathers her for all her sins. PLEASE MOVE ON NOW.

Hype for Black Reign/Harris

In the back, Harris says he knows Dustin better than anyone, and he was a friend. He took no one spot as he earned it, and Dustin lost his due to his own fault. He's sick of hasbeens like him getting in the way of his future.

Dustin attacks him before the bell.

Match#6 Chris Harris vs Black Reign

He looks SO awful and fat, and given what we know now about the drugs and booze, this is all sad shit. His strikes look terrible as hell as they're weak and bad looking. He busts Harris open with something and he gets a massive gusher pissing blood all over the floor. Dustin keeps throwing awful shots for a while, and only Harris' amazing bumps and selling can make it watchable. Dustin knocks one referee out and then kill another shortly after, and basically eats Harris alive in one of the worst murders of a wrestling career before our eyes. Also, this is done is near silence as the fans are not pleased, and hey who could blame them. Reign chokes Harris with the chain from the cuffs until Hebner finally comes out and DQ's him.
LOLTNA

Post match, Reign handcuffs him to the ropes and punches him for a while, and attacks blackshirts when they try to help. He get a hammer with a blade on the end of it and hits Harris in the face with it. Kaz, Jay and Dutt run down to make the save.

Rest in Peace, Chris Harris' career. 2002-2007.

Hype for 3D/Steiners.

In the back, Bubba says this was about respect but now they piss on it. Scotty should have stayed in the two bit hospital because that's where he's going tonight. They're going to put them out of their misery tonight. They are both out of shape losers. They'll prove they're the biggest bitches in pro wrestling.

Match#7 Team 3D vs The Steiner Brothers
Weirdly we start off with 3D taking over on Rick and isolating him, but then he comes back with some a suplex and Soctty helps take them out and stand tall for a while, Odd way to do this, but whatever. Scotty beats Bubba up and looks very slow and tired, but given he nearly died, i won't be an asshole about it. He beats D-Von up as well, and then Bubba grabs his arm and drops over the ropes to take him out, and 3D go to work. They give us a fine but sort of lazy control seg as they're not outright killing him despite actually being motivated for the first time in years. Rick gets the hot tag and slowly drops them on their skulls in a funny scene. Things break down and all the classics are hit in slow place as this match is being wrestled in mud. SCOTTY HITS D-VON WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING FRANKENSTEINER. WOOOOOO The Steiner's then break out the Steiner Bulldog to beat D-Von.
*1/2


In the back, Angle complains to Dr. Nash about his marriage falling apart and cries a ton. Nash asks JB if he saw it, and JB laughs and mocks what he saw, Kurt is still very sad and mad, so Nash slaps him and yells at him to snap out of it. HE'S A HERO DAMN IT. YOU'RE MY HERO and starts yelling EYE OF THE TIGER as Kurt groans into a pillow.

In the ring, Mike formally introduces Pacman to the crowd, and DW talks about his resume. Mike asks why he's joined wrestling, and Pacman says he's always wanted to do this and he's a trendsetter like TNA is. He wants to show people he's the best team player who ever lived. Truth now comes out as Pacman stares him down. Truth says he's sickened to hear him say he's a team player when he's in the snake pit. Wrestling is not a team sport it's about individual and me, myself and i. In wrestling no one has your back, and he's got his ass in a sling. Truth brings up the contract stating he can't be touched, and it pretty much KILLS it all. The fans chant "He's a bitch" at him, and Truth says he would rather shave a tigers ass than fight him. On the flipside there's a locker-room waiting to bust his ass, and he's on the top of it. He better watch his ass. Pacman says he talks a lot, but he walks the walk and there's nothing but space between them. Truth comes down and goes to fight, but blackshirts tackle him because, well duh. Pacman says he'll see him later. Well, that sucked.

Hype for the cage match.

In the back, Christian rants about this stupid match, and how if AJ bleeds he's going to hold Abyss responsible for it. No blood will go down his gorgeous head, and he's going to get his title shot. AJ is confused and brings out a pack of band-aids and says he can't bleed. Tomko grabs his arm and says these stop the bleeding, they don't prevent it. DEAD. AJ says he's going to follow Cage out of the cage.

In the back, someone has attacked Pacman.

During the intros, Christan and the fellas attack Abyss before the faces can save him. Test runs down and looks bloated and hobbled even trying to move.

Match#8 The Christian Collation vs Abyss, Andrew Martin & Sting (Doomsaday Chamber of Blood)
Test throws some bad looking strikes and looks awful as he's eaten every steroid that D-Von didn't. Sting finally shows up in the dark and hits Tomko with a chair shot to the face and he's busted open. In the ring, Abyss does his thing to AJ, and we get another festival of amazing Styles bumping for all of it. AJ HITS THE RUNNING DIVE THROUGH THE OPEN DOOR TO TAKE ABYSS OUT IN REVENGE. . Everyone fights in the ring and Test looks dreadful fighting Cage, but our guy takes big bumps and tries his best to help his old pal out. We cit away to Pacman being taken away in an ambulance. We come back to the heels in control and Sting locked out of the cage. The heels get the bag of Abyss' glass and cut him wide open and they murder Test as well. Sting climbs up with wire cutters and takes some of the wire off and finally get in, but the heels beat the fuck out of him as well with a chair, and it's a sick bloody beating and the best shit this show has given us in an hour. AJ and Cage hit frog splashes on Abyss for a massive near fall. Cage and AJ try to climb out as they promised, but AJ is stopped as Cage is able to get out. AJ gets beaten to shit by the faces and bloodied as Tomko is taken out. Abyss kills AJ with the BHS on the glass to win.
**

Hype for the main event.

Joe makes his intro with the Polynesian dancers and it's a fantastic callback to far better times.

Karen comes out with her new boyfriend to sit at ringside

Match#9 Kurt Angle (c) vs Samoa Joe (c) (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship-TNA X-Division Championship-TNA World Tag Team Championships-IWGP Worlds Championship-WINNER TAKES ALL)
Standard Joe vs Angle start with Joe overpowering him and Kurt getting pissed as a result. it would be cool if this was 2006 and not 11 months after this fucking feud started and has been milked to death. We then move to comedy as Joe pulls Kurt's tights down to show his ass and everyone laughs at him, and like enough is enough. Karen then throws wine in his face when he gets too close, and Joe beats him up in classic fashion. It's good because Joe is still good, but it's nothing new in any respect and it's not worth writing thousands of words about. Kurt of course fires back with a gross headdrop German and some uppercuts because changing things is scary and wrong, and he would never do such a thing. They then trade the same stuff as always, suplexes, lariats, powerslams and slaps, finisher counters. THEE WHOLE DEAL. Joe hits the Muscle Buster and Kurt kicks out as finishers are't real as well know. Kurt takes out the ref on accident and Joe gets him in the choke and has it won, but yeah ref is dead. Karen jumps the rail with a chair and calls joe over for it, but she pulls it away as reaches it and laughs at him. Kurt chop blocks Joe and smacks him in the face with the title to win and kill Joe off for good.
3/4*

Post match, Kurt and Karen hug as the boyfriend claps for them, so i guess Kurt is into SOME stuff. Hey, good for him, i'm not judging.

Anyway, very awful show for the most part and a true showing of just how awful TNA has gotten in the last few months.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Kurt Angle-12/8/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Kurt Angle-12/8/07

TNA Impact
August 16th, 2007
Impact Zone

In the back, JB is with a cheering crowd as he explains we're having the "Angle Awards" tonights as Kurt is throwing himself a part for pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. EY walks on and says he's here to get Pacman's autograph as his family all love him. Kurt walks on in a tux and talks about how amazing he is and how the entire ruse worked, so he's giving awards to everyone for being in this scam. Man, it's great to be Kurt Angle. EY says it's great to have a hero like Pacman.

They air the debut of Pacman and his attack.

in the ring, Tenay brings him out, and i must say even for a dude whose controversial and meant to bring eyes, he's got zero charisma to behold. Mike brings up the beef with Truth after Sunday and everything that went down between them. Pacman says he wants people to bring it and not sing it if you want to fight him, and Truth now comes out dancing and dropping his horrible catchphrase. He says he doesn't do sneak attacks, and he only eats his beef. He says he did his own research and they both came up from nothing and they're birds of a feather. Pacman calls bullshit when he ended up in the hospital, and Truth says they're down now and he wants to be his teammate. He promises to get him revenge for the punks who attacked him, and get the tag titles. Pacman suddenly agrees to be his friend and they go to find Cornette. EY comes out and tries to get his autograph, but Truth jumps him. Well, that sucked.

In Corny's office, XXX storm in and Daniels is pissed he has to face Lethal in a #1 contenders match tonight when he's already earned his shot. Jim says he lost on Sunday to Jay, so that's no longer the case. Daniels rightly brings up it was a tag match, and Jim says nevertheless he beat him, so they're doing it the old way. Daniels is not happy, but Matt Morgan scares him away. Christian and the boys now come in and Cage rants that he's done finished with Abyss after Sunday and he's not wrestling him in a first blood match., WAIT WHAT???? Jim says he doesn't have to do it and he'll mark his name off and he won't get a chance to win the worlds title. Cage bites and asks what he means, and Jim says Abyss is angry enough that he's putting up his #1 contendership to get a piece of Cage. Christian agrees to do it right away. What a messy series of booking calls even if that make sense in the classic TNA way.

Karen and her boyfriend arrive, and JB says he's a family friend. Karen says if Joe can't take a joke, that's on him. She talks about her amazing acting over the last few weeks, and it's hard to be Karen Angle.

Match#1 Christopher Daniels w/XXX va Jay Lethal w/Sonjay Dutt (X-Division #1 Contenders Match)
Daniels jumps him and unloads a great beating as XXX has given him new life as a heel, and i'm here for it as Daniels rocks when he gives a shit. Jay fires back with some cool rana's and using his legs for further offence. Daniels hurls him to the floor for a gross bump to take over, and then Ki slams him on the ground to hurt him worse. We come back to Daniels beating him up with a sleeper and talking some shit, and then Jay comes back with a sick spinning wheel kick off the top to crack him in the mouth and he goes insane with offence while selling his ass off in between the fight. Daniels bumps himself all over the place and once again looks SO much better in this role. Jay cuts off the Wings with a rana and goes for the Elbow, but Skipper distracts the ref for Ki can cheap shot him. Daniels grabs the arms and slams him down to the mat for a super close call. Dutt finally helps to fight XXX off and kills them with a dive to the outside. In the ring, Jay nails the Lethal Injection to win.
**3/4

Kevin Nash arrives for the awards for best actor, and he says he's already got a few for his German snuff films. DEAD. JB asks about the connection between Kev and Karen a few weeks ago and how it felt real, and Kev says she's like Angelina Jolie falling in love with her leading men. She's great and he doesn't want to stir trouble. He asks if Kurt was wearing a cup a few weeks ago, and JB is stunned. Kev says he's a doctor and even spent 6 months as OBYGN after doing a correspondence course.

In the office, Pacman and Truth ask for a title shot as they can bring ratings and money, and having the titles will bring that and more. Jim rightly brings up the contract of Pacman, and Truth says they have a way of getting around this and they can handle this. Truth says they can do this the hard way or the easy way, and Mogan gets in their faces as Corny makes them leave. Not letting Morgan ever wrestle or speak is the absolute best of use of him if he's here.

Kurt and Karen now come out with every title with them, and it's an all time amazing visual even if this story is horrible. Kurt says they're celebrating sucking these idiots in so deep they never saw Samoa Joe being screwed over coming. Kurt now throws it to a video showing the ruse, and Kurt says it bought a tear to his eyes. He says the first award is a tie for best supporting actor between Kevin Nash and the fake boyfriend. He gives Karen the best actress award, and she gives a long speech talking about how stupid and fat Joe is, and hey why not bury him even further. Jim Cornette now comes out to break this shit up and says Kurt is going to defend ALL three titles at No Surrender in singles and a tag match against Team Pacman, so he better get a partner. Kurt flips his shit and tries to attack Jim, but Morgan throws him off and pulls his shirt off to fight. Karen slaps him and he loses it even more, so blackshirts have to drag him into the corner as Jim begs him to calm down.

In the back, Cage says every man has his breaking point, and he's at his. He's got no AJ or Tomko, and he's going to do this on his own. He's NEVER been pinned or submitted since he got here,and he's the real worlds champion. Joe runs on and throws JB to the side and gets in Cage's face as this is the first bullshit he hears when he got here. He's the real world champion and Cage can have it over his dead body. He'll see him out there. He walks away as Cage realises what he just said and runs off to find AJ and Tomko. Now THAT'S a fucking feud i want to see.

Match#2 Christian Cage vs Abyss (First Blood Match-#1 Contenders Match for the Worlds Championship)
Cage sneak attacks the big goof and throws his amazing punches again, and reminds us he's truly reached another level as the best dude ever. Abyss sadly fights back and clobbers our hero with his stuff, and Cage dies on everything as a human pinball. Abyss slams his head off the post and throws him shoulder first into another one, but Cage is able to trip him into the steps to take over, and we see Tomko coming out to the ring. We see he gave Cage a screwdriver, and Cage nearly got Abyss busted open with it. The match moves into a super fun back and forth between them using chairs to try to bust the other one open, and both take some nasty headers into them, but neither bleeds as of yet. AJ now comes out and gets the barbedwire bat out and gives it to Cage. Samoa Joe runs out and chases him away and steals the bat, AND HE GETS A CHAIR AND SMASHES CAGE RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH IT, AND THEN HE THROWS THE CHAIR TO ABYSS AS HE RUNS OFF. ABYSS BREAKS IT OVER CAGE'S FACE AND BUSTS HIM OPEN TO WIN.
**1/2

Abyss shows off the cut on Cage's head, but he can't see that Angle has run down with a chair. He beats the crap out of the big man with some hideous shots to the face over and over. He gives the title to Karen for a shot, but Jim's voice comes over the PA and says Kurt is going to need to be a big man next week as he's facing The Steiner's in a handicap match and if they win, they get Karen alone for 5 minutes. Um, that's kinda messed up, man.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Kurt Angle-12/8/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Kurt Angle-12/8/07

TNA Impact
August 23rd, 2007
Impact Zone

In the back, JB meets Kurt and asks him about the match tonight, and Kurt says he's got a big mouth and needs to shut it. He keeps ignoring JB and tries to bring Karen in with hm, but she won't get out of the car until he pulls her out. She demands he find a way to get her out of this as she's not a wrestler, and he promises her he will. He asks her to carry the titles, but she says to do it himself. Kurt mutters he should have divorced her.

Match#1 Robert Roode & Ms Brooks vs Kaz & Gail Kim
Hey, EY has been replaced with a far less talented dude. Hey, least the feud is finally over. Roode jumps Kaz to start which is the new theme of matches on Impact, i guess. He beats him down with his super solid offence, and Kaz is a fine warm body for him to hit hard and do stuff to. Kaz mounts a 2003 ass comeback as he's just not as exciting or interesting man as much as he tries to be. The ladies get in and fight and that's not good as only Gail is trained, and she quickly wins with a cradle.
3/4*

Post match, Brooks yells at him, and Roode screams he owns her and he will fire her. Kaz now gets in and shoves Roode for it, and they shove each other and fight. Kaz knocks him out of the ring with a terrible looking bicycle kick. Kaz gets the mic and says Roode is a prick, nor does he know how to treat a real lady. He kisses her on the cheek and she likes it.

we go to a pretape at Christian's home and he's all bandaged and sitting in a hospital gown. AJ CLEANS HIS FACE AS CAGE THANKS HIM. Christian says this is all Joe's fault and he's afraid his livelihood will be taken from him now. He cries and says he's got twins on the way, and his wife is out there shovelling the driveway. AJ says he lives in Florida, so Cage quickly cuts him off and tells him to make him proud and take care of Joe. AJ shouts revenge is on the way. Tomko says he'll fix it again.

In another pre-tape, Storm is in his car talking about beating Rhino like a dog and he's heard he's drinking again. If there's one thing he hates more than alcoholic, it's a lair, He's having a pubcrawl until he finds Rhino and beats him again. He searches a bunch of bars and can't find him, but he does find a lot of fat people he makes fun of. He finally gets a call to the scummiest bar around, He walks in and everyone knows him because he keeps fighting everyone, and he breaks a bottle over someone's head and runs off as he says the crawl is over as he's got a bit of trouble.

In the office, Corny makes Morgan leave so he can talk to Karen and Kurt alone. Kurt says she's a lady and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. Is he out of his freaking mind. Corny says she's no lady, and she freaks out at him. Kurt sits her down and tells her to shut up. He says this is not fair and he wants a partner. Corny says he can have a partner next week when they have a lottery to pick his partner for the PPV. He once again talks shit to Karen, so she tries to tackle him as the camera cuts away.

In another pre-tape, Dustin Rhodes talks about how he was afraid and locked away, but the real version of him is now alive. He will fight Harris once again at No Surrender. No, thanks

Match#2 Ron Killings vs Eric Young
EY runs through him and hits his amazing tope as he's a proper house of fire, and does a lot to guide Truth in his first proper match in a year plus. We come back from the break with Truth in control doing his stuff pretty well, and it's a nice thing to see one of my old favourites get to do his thing. Dustin Rhodes shows up in the crowd with no make up, eating food and cheering for EY. He looks like a random fan, so you can see how far he's truly fallen off at this stage. Truth keeps running through EY as it turns into a fun little squash. EY fights back and tries to use a chair but the ref takes it, and Truth gets it and brains EY with a gross shot to the brain and hits a running legdrop to win.
**

Post match, Truth says a ton of words as he introduces his dog Pacman to the ring. He comes out with a can of spraypaint and paints "PAC" on Eric's back.

In the back, Tomko and AJ are looking for Joe. 3D now walk on looking super fat and bad. Bubba says the loss has made them humble and the Steiner's are one of the best and they're sorry for all the crap they talked. They're glad that Scotty isn't dead, and they're sorry to JB and all the fans out there. They're refocusing on the tag titles and be the team the fans know and love, and not the jagoffs that do rude and disgusting things. D-Von says they're sorry.

In the back, AJ and Tomko find Joe's locker-room as AJ asks Tomko if he's ready, and Tomko calls him stupid. AJ is very upset and says not to call him that. Joe opens the door and drags Tomko in and locks the door and kills Tomko as AJ bangs on it. Joe opens the door and AJ asks if Tomko is in there, and Joe chases him off. AMAZING.

Joe chases AJ to the ring and beat the crap out of him, and it's amazing as hell. Tomko comes out and distracts him, and Cage slides in and hits Joe with a chair shot to the back. Tomko nails the Chokebomb and then Christian hits the Conchairto to murder Joe. This is already the best feud in months and months.

In the back, Karen asks Kurt how he can beat the blonde one with the big arms, and Kurt deadpans as he ask if he has gold medals. Karen gets mad at him and tells him again to get her out of this. She leaves, and Kurt turns to JB and tells him not to get married.

In a pre-tape, Mitchell takes credit for the attack on Abyss a few weeks ago under the ring. He says his son Judas Mesias is about to be unleashed on the world.

Match#3 Kurt Angle w/Karen Angle vs The Steiner Brothers (Steiner's get 5 minutes alone with Karen if they win)
Scotty and Kurt is a fun fight again as they're both insane freaks hitting hard and stooging as they're clearly having so much fun just fucking about. Rick is pretty damn awful and bad, so Kurt thankfully isolates him after Karen grabs his leg. Good beating from Angle as he's keeping it simple and mean, and it's all that's needed against him. Tenay announces next week it be Sting vs Cage vs AJ vs Joe with the winner becoming Kurt's new tag partner. Well, hell yeah man. Scotty gets the hot tag and suplexes the life out of Kurt and beats his face in. Kurt fights back, AND THEN HIS HITS THE ANGLE SLAM AND LETS SCOTTY KICK OUT OF IT. HAAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT. Rick gets in and drops Kurt on his head and nails the Bulldog. Karen distracts the ref as 3D run down and hit the 3D to give Kurt the win.
*3/4

Post match, 3D nail another one on Scotty. They bring out the table and superbombs Rick through it.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Kurt Angle-12/8/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Kurt Angle-12/8/07

TNA Impact
August 30th, 2007
Impact Zone

In the back, Truth and Pac say the autograph was charity as he normally charges a lot more, and someone is going to get another one tonight.

In the back, Kurt is with Nash and JB, He says none of these men can be his partner as they all want to hurt him. Kev says they can't hate him as he's a gold medalist and they don't know how much money he gives to charity every week. Kurt laughs a ton at this. Karen says she's going to fix this and visit the usual suspects and sort this out. Kurt is now worried she's going to talk to Joe.

It's mean to be 3D vs MCMG in the opener, but Scotty Steiner comes and makes them leave and gets in and fights them on his own. He drops them with suplexes and kicks the fuck out of them as the crowd loses their minds in happiness. He brings a table out and then nails Bubba with a Belly 2 Belly. D-Von hits him from behind to cut him off and they hit the 3D. Bubba shouts at him to get up and mockingly says sorry about nearly destroying Rick last week. Bubba gets a chair and shoves it into Scotty's bad throat, AND D-VON SMASHES IT WITH A CHAIR. OH MY GOD. Scotty is coughing up at ringside as EMT's check on him. Bubba gets the ring bell hammer and runs them off. They throw him back in and kill him with the Superbomb through a table. Fantastic angle.

We see during the break that Scotty was taken away in an ambulance.

Back in the ring, The Guns get a mic and Shelley says TNA needs a hero and they're going to be the ones who bring the ratings up. He wants a match. VKM come out to answer the challenge.

Match#1 The Motor City Machine Guns vs Voodoo Kin Mafia w/Roxxi
The Guns work face and go a million miles an hour against them and it's a goddamn blast for a minute or so. Sadly. VKM quickly fight back and basically squash them on 10 seconds. Kip throws Shelley into the rail and kills Sabin with One and Only to win.
FUCK OFF. JUST FUCK OFF AND GET OFF MY TV, YOU ABSOLUTE SHITHEADS.

Kip gets the mic and asks if there's anyone else, and LAX, XXX and EY and Sharky answer the call and a big brawl breaks out.

In the back., JB is following Karen as she's looking for Joe. JB says this is a terrible idea, and she says Samoans have very short memories, so it'll be fine. They go inside his lock room room and he yells at her for being in there and says he should be doing worse to her, and she should have bought a SWAT team with her. Make it quick, or leave. Karen says this war needs to end as they could run this company together and they can make this work. Joe actually says she's making some good points, so he can listen. He says they can take over the world. He wants to be his partner in the worst way. SO SHE CAN SEE HIM DISMEMBER HIM AND TAKE HIM APART PIECE BY PIECE GOLD MEDAL AND ALL. I LEAVE HIS BROKEN BODY AT HER FEET. YOU CAN KNOW THIS IS YOUR FAULT. TELL YOUR DADDY I'LL SEE HIM SOON. NOW THAT'S MY JOE.

In the back, Karen speaks Christian and the boys, and Cage asks if she's in the ring place as the strip club is down the street. AJ jumps to her defence and cals her a lady, and Karen thanks him. She offers him a chance so he can win and defend the tag titles at the PPV. Cage asks what he gets, and Karen says he can have a title shot. Cage says he's not going to bite because the only liar bigger than her is HIM. He says it will come down to him and AJ and the best man will win. They walk away and AJ asks if the same chance is for him, and Karen says of course, AJ tries to stop himself but he can't, and Karen kisses him and says to win. She walk off as AJ says she's into him, but don't tell Kurt.

This time we find Storm driving to more bars as he says the last few were too high class for Rhino, and this dump is where he'll find hm and beat his ass in the parking lot. Storm says there's a lot of ugly people in here, and demands to know where Rhino is. He challenges them to a fight, and says he meant one at a time when they all come towards him. A bartender says Rhino was here yesterday, and Storm spits on him and leaves. Call 1800-HAVE-A-BEER if you see Rhino.

in the back, Karen finds Sting and says they both have morals when it comes to family, and they save the kids. Sting says if she wants to save the kids, she should change her dress.

Kurt comes out to watch with Karen.

Match#2 Christian Cage vs AJ Styles vs Sting vs Samoa Joe (Winner becomes Kurt Angle's Tag Championship Partner)
Zero times is wasted as everyone fights and there's not a single bad pairing to be found as we know, but the great ones are even better now that Impact is 90% trash when it comes to matches. AJ and Cage team up to fight Sting, and the painted birdman beats the shit out of them as only he can in classic Sting fashion. Loads of high energy Sting moment before AJ gets him and throws him into the steps, The Collation team up to fight Joe now, and he also whips their asses as he's truly angry and pissed off. He chucks them into two corners and kills Cage with a nasty Lariat, and then hits the jumping enziguri to the side of AJ's face, and the sound is INSANE. Joe grabs AJ and throws him into Cage's dick and then hits the Backdrop driver to send AJ onto his head. Cage finally gets up and helps turn the tide, and AJ breaks out the Styln DDT to knock Joe down. Sting nails the crossbody to take out the heels, and he fights Joe for the first time in a sick as hell back and forth. Sting is able to move forward with some new tricks Joe can't see coming like a superplex to knock him out. AJ and Christian try to pick the bones, but they fight over the cover And trade pins without ever actually punching each other in such an amazing idea. Cage finally snaps and chops him and beats him up, And AJ FINALLY fights back,. He tries the Clash, but Sting cuts him off and everyone fights once more and Joe throws them to the floor, AND HE HITS A RUNNING SPINNING DIVE ONTO ALL OF THEM. JESUS CHRIST. We come back from the break to see Cage killed Joe with the Unpreitter on floor, and the heels are back to beating the crap out of Sting. He fights back again and beats them down. He nails AJ with the Stinger Splash, and hits Cage with the Deathdrop, and AJ saves at the very last moment. Chrisitian goes for a chair, AND JOE COMES BACK TO LIFE AND GOES NUTS ON HIM. HE MISSES A CHAIR SHOT, BUT HE THROWS HIM ON THE ANNOUNCE TABLE AND THROWS HIM INTO THE STAGE AND FIGHTS HIM OFF TO THE BACK. Tomko comes in and knocks Sting out with the boot and leaves, and AJ gets a wild 2.9 count.. AJ tries the Forearm, but Sting catches him and drags him down into the Deathlock to make him tap out.
***1/4

Post match, Karen and Kurt get in and slowly walk over to Sting, and Karen gives him the title. Kurt offers his hand and Sting actually shakes it.. Kurt and Karen raise his hand and leave. Pac Man and Truth run down and attack Sting from behind and paint him. Kurt runs down and hits Truth and chases them away.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Kurt Angle-12/8/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Kurt Angle & Sting-30/8/07

TNA Impact
September 6th, 2007
Impact Zone

In the back, Pacman and Truth arrive and say there is still the big dog left to autograph.

Tonight. Angle/Sting vs Abyss/Lethal.

Match#1 Kaz vs Tomko
Mike says there will be a ten team gauntlet at the PPV for the #1 contendership. This is 4 minutes of Tomko doing some cool power spots and showing out against this nothing happening loser. Brooks and Roode come down to watch, and Brooks really likes Kaz. No accounting for taste, i guess. Kaz makes another bad comeback showing next to nothing, but Tomko thankfully kills him with the boot and the Chokebomb to win.
*

Post match, Roode beats up Kaz and yells at Brooks. Tomko watches this unfold and actually gets in Bobby's face and shoves him on his ass for being a dick to her. He walks away as Roode loses his mind.

DW and Mike run down the PPV
-Kurt vs Jay Lethal for the X Title
-Kurt vs Abyss for the Worlds Title
-Kurt & Sting vs Team Pac Man for the Tag Titles
-Ten Team Gauntlet
-Kaz vs Roode
-SAMOA JOE VS CHRISTIAN CAGE. OH MY GOD YES

JB-
-Sting says he wants revenge on Pac Man and Truth, and he knows he can't trust The Angles. He tells them maybe they can't trust him either, but they can use that to make each other better and make each other even better as a team. Karen gets mad at him, and Sting demands she stay in the back. She tries to slap him, but Kurt grabs her arm and says he can speak to her any way he wants as he's his partner. She's staying in the back.

Black Reign is a sick human and the nightmare continues.

In the back, Harris says Dustin was his friend and that man at Hard Justice wasn't his friend. It was a sick demented man trying to kill him and leave him in a pool of blood. That was his mistake as he should have known better, and this time he's coming for his blood.

JB-
-Jay Lethal does another wonderful impression about being on centre stage and doing the dance with Abyss. He's got Kurt's number and he's got one more to win his title back.
-Abyss says this starts tonight and ends Sunday. His blood will be his gold.

In the back, Joe walk out the door as Pac Man and Truth think about attacking him.

In another pre-tape, Storm finds an AA meeting, and Jackie stops him from bringing in a beer. Love that she even thinks he's a massive dickhead. Everyone introduces themselves, and Storm calls them pathetic and gets his beer back and drinks it as the leader tells them not to do that as that's a disease. Storm says his mama told him to get a disease you can have fun with, and this is his. The leader says he's going to call the cops, so Storm asks about Rhno. The guys says it's AA and that couldn't tell him if they did know. Storm asks if this really works and the leader says yes, so Storm gets Jackie to bring out a 6 pack as his Christmas present and tells them to have fun.

Match#2 Samoa Joe vs Raven
Joe smokes ass on the outside as Raven is still willing to die, and Joe breaks his face with the Ole Kick. He knocks him in the head with a series of knees, so Raven gets the stick and holds him off as AJ runs down and decks Joe with a punch. it doesn't matter as we come back from the break with Joe still bashing his head in like Raven is just another victim, and given where he is at this point, it's right choice. AJ tries to help hold Joe in place for the snot rag, but Joe ducks and AJ eats it. Joe gets the choke on to win.
**

Post match, Joe beats AJ up and fights off Tomko for a time, but Cage sneaks in and hits him with a chair. They handcuff him to the ropes and hit him with chairs. The Samoan dancers try to help Joe, but they get murdered with chair shots as well. Cage grabs one and kills him with the Conchairto as Joe scream in anger and anguish. THIS FEUD RULES.

James Mitchell's son is coming for hell as he's driving the wagon to bring hell forth.

We go to ringside where Mike is on the phone with Rhino. Rhino says Storm can find him at the PPV with a "i'm going to kill you look on my face".

Match#3 Sting & Kurt Angle vs Jay Lethal & Abyss
Sting and Jay fight for a wild dream match for freaks like us, and hey it's very good as Jay is a ball of fire going against a legend and showing he can hang. it then turns into Abyss vs Kurt, and Abyss does a wrist lock for control. Hhahahahahaha hell yeah get weird with it. He then does monster stuff and throws Kurt around on his deranged brain, and that's fun as always. Karen tries to come down, but she gets dragged away by blackshirts. Sting and Kurt isolate Jay right after, and beat him up for a while with Sting leading the charge to show he's a team player, and we get a lot of cool moments from all 3. Kurt breaks out his sick uppercuts to Jay's jaw and really messes him up, and it's sick that he still rules against smaller wrestlers. Abyss gets the hot tag and cleans house before things break down and everyone goes wild. Sting and Jay fall to the floor when Jay hits him with a Rana, and we're down to two. Kurt hits the Angle slam, and Abyss of course kicks out and Kurt is near tears over it. Abyss gets out of the Angle Lock and hits the BHS as Kurt is running at him and wins clean in a massive shocker.
**1/2

Post match, Mitchell comes out and points at Abyss, and Sting stands by his sons side. Abyss chases after James, and Pac Man and Truth come out and paint Kurt and run away when Sting comes after them.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Kurt Angle-12/8/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Kurt Angle & Sting-30/8/07

TNA NO SURRENDER
SEPTMEBER 9TH, 2007
THE IMPACT ZONE

How much Kurt Angle is too much Kurt Angle? Lets find out together.

Terrible opening video as the downfall is killing everything.

Match#1 Kurt Angle & Sting (c) w/Karen Angle vs Team Pacman (TNA Worlds Tag Team Championships)
Pacman refuses to fight and TNA plays it off like he's afraid, and you know not legally allowed to. Truth fights them both and gets his ass handed to him, and Pacman even drops off the apron and refuses to tag in. It's thankfully a ruse for Truth to attack Kurt when he goes out to chase Pac man, and we get a short nothing control seg as Kurt isn't even deranged to kill himself one match in, and Truth is done giving a shit. Karen gets in Sting's face and slaps him, and then fakes he hit her when he raises his hand to her and she falls to the floor. Kurt gets free and tags Sting in, but Karen lies to him about what happened so he hits the Angle Slam on him, AND TNA HAS TO CUT AWAY FROM PAC MAN MAKING THE PIN BECAUSE EVEN THAT COUTNS AS CONTACT???? LOLTNA.
1/6*

Hype video for Storm/Rhino.

JB-
-JB covers the history of what happened and brings on Rhino for the first time in a month.
-Rhino thanks Storm for showing him he's a human with blood and weak spots. He's an alcoholic but he got back up and is ready. He's going to be thinking about what Storm has said and done to him and he's family, and he's going to make him feel all of it and cut him in half with the Gore.

Match#2 James Storm w/Miss Jackie vs Rhino
Rhino rushes him and we get another tremendous hate filled fight between them as they throw bombs and beat the fuck out of each other all over the Zone. Storm's punches are on another level now and he cracks Rhino with a ton of them, and he kicks Rhino down the staircase!! He tries to dive off a balcony, but Rhino catches him and slams him into a wall and kicks his ass some more. They fight back to the ramp and Storm nails a suplex on it with a gross thud as they both land super hard. They get in the ring and the bell finally rings as the fight keeps going. Jackie distracts Rhino, and Storm nails a lungblower to take over and he targets the head and neck in a great control seg as he's getting better by the week. Some great knees and punches to it alone with an actual mean looking chinlock. Rhino eventually comes back and blasts Storm over and over, and he hits the Gore, but Storm kicks out in a massive shocker given that never really happens. Rhino snaps and gets a chair and tries to kill him with the Rhino driver off the top, but Storm hits a Twist of Fate off the top onto it for a 2.9 count. Storm brings in a table and they battle over it, and Rhino Gores him through it to win.
**3/4

Post match, Rhino gets some beer and tips it down Storm's pants. Jackie tries to save, but Rhino finally Gores her as well.

TNA now shows Pac Man making the pin, so i guess they just fucked up the actual shot of the finish???

In the back, Kurt is freaking out as Kevin Nash and JB try to calm it down. Kev says he's not trying stir trouble but Karen slapped Sting, not the other way round. Karen lies about it, so Kev tells him to focus on the next two matches. Sting runs on and slams Kurt into a locker and chokes him as Kevin and Cornette try to get him to stop. Jim tells Sting to stop because he's going to get in serious trouble. Sting relents but swears this isn't over. Jim then kicks Karen out of the Zone as well, and she throws a fit about it.

Hype for Kaz/Roode.

Match#3 Kaz vs Robert Roode w/Ms Brooks
Bless TNA for giving two young kids the spotlight on a massive PPV like this, but man i wish Kaz was anyone else and not Frankie Kazarian. His opening offence is once again the most basic ass 2003 offence he can muster like arm drags and swinging DDT's, and only Roode's bumping can save it. Roode suplexes him over the top rope as kaz holds on and they both splat on the floor. Brooks is conflicted on what to do, and Roode is able to knock Kaz into her to take over. Good control seg as is the norm now for Bobby as he shows off all he can do, and Kaz is a good warm body for him to do it to to. Sadly, Kaz comes back and trades rollups with him for a solid minute in the lamest stuff possible. Roode cuts him off with the Spinbuster and gets a chain out of his kneepad. Kaz kicks it away and Brooks picks it up and watches as these goofs trade more rollups and counters into pinfalls. Roode moves ahead and calls for the chain but she refuses to give it to him, so Kaz is able to hit a sick running dive onto him. He ruins this by hitting a terrible looking back elbow when he gets him back in the ring, and then an even uglier springboard DDT. Brooks now cheers for him throughout and the crowd is alive for him, so hey zero accounting for taste. They go to the top and Kaz hits maybe the single worst looking X-Factor off the top for a 2.9 count. He misses a legdrop off the top and Roode no sells and pops right back up to hit the Perfect Plex to win.
*3/4

Post match, Roode makes Brooks raise his hand.

In the back, Jay is pacing back and forth and talks about taking out the Dragon last year, and he has to be reminded they're talking about Kurt Angle. Jay talks about all the famous feuds, and then Nash walks on and says he made him and he needs him to take a dive tonight. Jay says he's more than happy to dive off the top of the Impact Zone if he wants. Kev yells at him and says him Kurt has no time for this, so take the dive, you goof. He walks off as Jay shouts YEAH SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM.

Match#4 Kurt Angle (c) vs Jay Lethal (TNA X-Division Championship)
Kurt tries to bully him and force him down on the mat, but Jay shows he's got more than heart and fights him at every turn and refuses to be kicked around. Kurt finally gets him with a headlock and grinds him down, but Jay uses his speed to arm drag and dropkick his way out of it. Kurt gets him with a wicked Buckle Bomb where he goes right to the corner and just SLAMS him into the corner. Jay's back is hurt, and Kurt goes ham on it in classic Kurt fashion as he's amped up and pissed off against a small man, and it's a killer as always. Jay is a fantastic face in peril fighting for his life at every turn, and Kurt punishes him worse and worse for even daring to try it. Kurt drops him with a sick high angle back drop to take the wind out of him, and works the head and neck some more. Jay throws a lariat of nowhere to get him down, and mounts a frantic comeback, but Kurt cuts him off with a nasty as fuck German to send Jay on top of his face. Kurt gets him up for the Angle Slam, but Jay counters into a DDT. He goes for the elbow but Kurt comes back to life and hits the Belly too Belly off the top for a near fall. Kurt freaks out and kills him with suplex after suplex, but Lethal somehow won't die. He armdrags out of the Angle Slam and nails the Lethal Injection to knock him out cold, and hits a the elbow for another wild near fall. Kurt comes back again and drops him with more Suplexes, but he's slower on them as he seems hurt. JAY COUNTERS THE ANGLE LOCK INTO A VICTORY ROLL AND GETS THE 3. FUCK YEAH.
***

Post match, Sharky, Dutt and Petey celebrate with Jay.

In the back, Black Reign has a rat named Misty, which he calls a fox. He says he's bringing a friend with him and the worms will crawl out of the mouth, and Harris is going to die.

Hype for Reign/Harris.

Match#5 Chris Harris vs Black Reign (No DQ)
Harris dives onto him and beats his fat ass up with some spirited offence and it's a good time, but then Reign cuts him off and shows he's horrible as he's moving super slow and looks even worse than last month. Harris fights back and does more cool stuff, but Reign is a fucking void and drags him down by snadnagging and being a massive twat. Rhodes tries to use a spike, but Harris rolls him up to win,
1/2*

Post match, Harris gets some handcuffs and beats Rhodes in the face to bust him open. Rhodes gets free with a kick to the guts and lets himself out with a key, and he beats Harris with a chair. He gets the poor rat out of the cage (get it) and the poor thing is scared to death of this asshole. He lets it crawl on Harris' body and then leaves. FUCK THIS.

In the back, Christian says he doesn't have to prove he's the best because he's the best. He's never lost since he got here in TNA. He took it personal when Joe cost him a title match, so he broke a chair over his family's head like a coconut. Big deal, all he cares about is winning the title for the 3rd time. He doesn't care what the Samoan people do, and they won't stop him from beating him. He doesn't need people to fight his battles, and he's giving AJ and Tomko the night off to win the tag titles. He says the IWGP title is legit, and he wants Tomko to do it in the States. AJ asks what he can do for him, and Cage says to be a champion like his idol. AJ is confused as Barry Sanders never won a title, and Tomko drags him away. Love these dudes so much.

Match#6 Tag Team Gauntlet For The Gold
-#1 is AJ Styles
-#2 is Christopher Daniels
-Rules a ton as they blast each other in the face with gross shots, and AJ breaks out the Dropkick
-Tenay says EY won the last spot on the pre-show.
#3 is Homicide
-Holy shit
-Fantastic exchanges with both men as Ci is all fired up and dropping motherfuckers.
-AJ and Daniels work together to cut him off.
-#4 is Sabin
-He goes after Ci in another dream match, and it's a ton of fun.
-#5 is Havok
-ewwwww
-He does bad offence and looks like a complete scrub out there
-He counters the Cop Killa and shoves him into Daniels who backdrops him over and out.
-FUCK OFF
-#6 is Petey Willams
-He kills Havoc with the CD
-Mike says Petey is teaming with Sonjay
-AJ catches Sabin jumping at him and deadlifts him over and out to the floot
-#7 is D-Von
-Everyone bumps huge for this goof
-#8 is JIMMY RAVE
-YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
-He hits an amazing running knee on Petey, and fights AJ for a sick continuation of the feud.
#9 is Bubba
-Bubba hits everyone, and helps D-Von throw Havoc out.
-AJ takes it to this fat fuck and has some great kicks to the head
-#10 is Raven
-He's trying again and hits AJ super hard, but D-Von and Ray sneak right up and dump him to the floor.
-Ok, then
-#11 is Shark Boy
-Shell Yeah
-He bites D-Von the ass, but then gets thrown out by Bubba
-Goddamn it, go away.
-#12 is Sonjay
-AJ and Daniels are working together in a great moment.
-D-Von throws Rave out in a wild bump to the floor.
-Bubba does the same to Petey on the other side.
-AJ and Daniels kills Dutt with the High/Low
-Daniels fights 3D by himself, so AJ helps him out again.
#13 is BG James
-He still sucks a ton.
-#14 is Hernadez
-He shoulderblocks Dutt and kills him with the Crakerjack.
-He then fights AJ and Daniels again, and holy shit is it good.
-#15 is Tomko
-Bubba tries to bully him, but Tomko solves that problem and kicks their asses.
-He tosses D-Von on the apron and ducks Bubba running at him, and Bubba knocks D-Von to the floor!
-Tomko quickly tosses Bubba out.
-Fuck yeah, Tomko
-#16 is Skipper
-He helps Daniels fight Tomko.
-#17 is Alex Shelley
-Yes
-He beats Dutt up and stands on his dick in the corner.
-He then throws BG out.
-AND THEN HE FIGHTS DANIELS AND THAT ROCKS AS WELL.
-God, i love him.
#18 is Lance Hoyt
-Don't love him at all.
-He does bad power stuff and chokeslams Skipper out and nearly kills him when he drops him on the apron neck first.
-Grea work, asshole.
#19 is Kip James
-He throws his awful punches and big notes everyone because he's a prick.
-He tosses Dutt out.
-Hernadez and Daniels are having a fun fight in the corner.
-#20 is EY.
-He locks people in headlocks for some reason, and Kip of course cuts him off and beats him up.
-TOMKO AND HERNANDEZ FINALLY FIGHT IN A MONSTER BATTLE AND IT ROCKS.
-Tomko gets the best of it and backdrops him to the floor.
-EY sneaks up an dumps Tomko
-Kip dropkicks Hoyt out.
-He and Daniels fight near the ropes and both men fall to the floor.
-AJ, Shelley and EY are left.
-Both heels try to get EY on side before they kick his ass for the hell of it.
-EY fights like hell to stay in, and nearly gets AJ out but he lands on the apron.
-AJ and Shelley toss him out.
-WE ARE DOWN TO TWO.
-Wait, TNA now turns it into a tag match as both partners join the match again.
-The Guns double team the big man and use their insane speed to light his ass up time and time again, and the big man's selling rocks a fucking ton.
-Tomko powers out and uses AJ as a battering ram, and then he uses his speed to show these little shits how it's meant to be done.
-AJ and Sabin fight over the Clash, and AJ rolls through to a pin, but Shelley hits a crossbody off the top to crush his head and body against the mat, AND THEN SABIN JUMPS OFF SHELLEY BACK TO DROPKICK TOMKO TO THE FLOOR, AND SHELLEY FOLLOWS WITH A TOPE. BACK IN THE RING AJ NAILS THE PELE KICK AND THEY TRADE CRADLES AND AJ GETS THE TIGHTS AND SITS DOWN ON IT TO PULL OUT THE WIN AFTER LASTING FROM #1. FUCK YEAH.
***

JB-
-Joe says this has gone beyond persona and a family affair, Cage laid his hands on his family and he doesn't go to cops or ask for help, he handles it on his own. Cage did this because he couldn't finish him. TONIGHT IT IS AN EYE FOR AN EYE. A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH. BLOOD FOR BLOOD, HE IS SAMOA JOE. HE IS VENGEANCE AND HIS ASS WILL BE BROKEN.

Hype for Joe/Cage

Match#7 Samoa Joe vs Christian Cage
Joe wastes not a second as he runs down and bashes Cage's face in with kicks and knees and slaps the piss out of him for his crimes. He hits a few fashwashes and kicks him in the skull on the last one to snap his neck back, and then busts out the swing into the rail to cripple his brain some more. He stays on the attack as Tenay explains the refs have been told to give them as much leeway as possible, so Cage is really fucked now. Joe shows this is true when he knocks his ass out with the Elbow Suicida to crumble his ass. Joe rolls him back in and takes a second too long, and Cage kicks the ropes into his ankle and then boots him in the face to finally cur him off. He beats the crap out of him and wears him down with a sleeper, and Joe's selling is fantastic as hell. Joe tries to come back, but Cage is able to get his knees up as he runs towards him to hurt his back, and goes right to the attack once more. He pulls his face and beats him like a creepy little bastard, and it's so damn good. Joe finally catches him and sits his ass down with the Urangie. He unloads a tired and grumpy ass kicking. He smacks him in the jaw with the knee, but Cage catches a second with a trip and knocks him throat first into the ropes, but Joe won't die and finally hits the running senton to crush him. Joe drags him down again and batters him and wears him down with a choke. Joe slaps him in the face and then tries the Muscle Buster, but Cage gets out but runs right into the Powerslam. They go to the top, AND CAGE HITS THE REVERSE DDT TO KILL JOE AND NEARLY GETS THE 3, BUT JOE KICKS OUT AT THE LAST SECOND. He goes for the Unprettier, but Joe locks in the Choke and pulls it as tight as he can. Cage gets his feet on the ropes, but the ref knocks them off. Joe won't let go and strangles him again, and Cage gets his hands on it this time, but Joe won't let go. The ref tries to pull him, BUT JOE GETS UP AND KILLS HIM WITH THE DVD. HE NAILS CAGE WITH THE MUSCLE BUSTER AND PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE. Blackshirts try to help, but Joe kills them as the bell finally rings.
***1/4

Joe keeps attacking, so the X-Division dudes try to help, but Joe shoves them away and throws them to the floor. He grabs a shirt and chokes Cage with and throws him over the ropes and hangs him. Matt Morgan now comes down with Cornette. Matt grabs him by the throat and pulls him off, and Joe gets right in his face. Corny tries to calm it down and begs Joe not to kill his bland project guy. JOE FLIPS THEM OFF AND SAYS FUCK YOU TO CORNY. GOD YES.

In the back, Kurt loses his mind and says Sting slapped his wife, and Jay is a piece of shit who didn't even get a 3 count. Abyss is going to have to kill him if he wants to win. Nash screams at him to calm down or he's going to lose it all, so Kurt shoves him! Kevin says he doesn't want that problem on top of them all. Kurt shoves him again and says he's doing this alone. Nash says he's about to lose it all.

Mike Tenay announces TNA Impact is now going 2hrs starting in October, Good for them, but very bad for me to have to review two godforsaken hours booked by Russo.

Team Pacman says some words, but yeah not happening.

Match#8 Kurt Angle (c) vs Abyss (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
Abyss plays the wall as Kurt runs at him and can't knock him down. Kurt does funny spot when he tries running away, but Abyss grabs his singlet and holds him in place as Kurt tries to run away, but then gets pulled back into an attack. Abyss tosses him to the floor, and beats him up for a while. Kurt chop blocks him to drop him and hurt the knee, and Abyss' selling is really good as Kurt murders it as he's got a thing to work on and he can't turn into a dumb Kurt match as quick as he wants to. He uses the ropes to twist and turn in at a truly sick angle, and the big man is screaming in pain as Kurt gets more and more violent. Abyss comes back and sells it by hobbling on it, and looks like he just shat his pants as he runs. He beats Kurt up with more of lame power stuff, but Kurt's bumping actually rules and helps him a ton. Kurt kicks out of the Shock Treatment, and then everything falls to shit as it turns into an Angle epic with an Angle Slam kick out (which the camera catches Abyss fixing his mask right after he kicks out, so crack work tonight) Abyss hits a bad chokeslam for a 2 count. Kurt no sells that and runs at Abyss to take his knee out, and breaks out the Moonsault for the first time in a while for another near fall. He finally goes back to the ankle with a grapevine and takes Abyss' boot off as he does it. Abyss gets back up and sort of sells it, but then not really as he hits the BHS for another goddamn near fall. KURT THEN NO SELLS THAT BECAUSE SELLING IS FAKE AND WEIRD, AND GETS THE ANGLE LOCK ON AND FINALLY MAKES THE BIG IDIOT TAP OUT.
**

Kurt leaves the scene not selling a damn thing, and Abyss is all sad. Mitchell's voice comes over the PA and says he taught Abyss everything he knows, and his chariot to hell has arrived. A knife comes through the ring along with some smoke and a hand pops out and drags Abyss down to hell. Hmmm, it feels like i've seen this somewhere before, bro.

Oh, you pesky little scamp.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team Pacman-9/9/07

TNA Impact
September 13th, 2007
Impact Zone

In the back, Christian arrives and says he's got something to take care of and he doesn't mean Joe! He's got a problem with Cornette's big stooge. He can't remember his name, so AJ has write it for him, and no can read his writing. AMAZING. He says Morgan is going to find what his job description actually is. He then casually says Corny has made Joe vs Cage at BGF where there must be a winner. He then demands to fight any Samoan TNA can to find to prove he can beat all of them. He says to bring Don Ho, and AJ starts signing.

TONIGHT. ANGLE VS ABYSS IN A SIX SIDES OF STEEL MATCH. IF ABYSS TAPS OUT HE WILL LEAVE TNA. HAHAHAHAHAH GODDAMN IT RUSSO.

Karen Angle comes out and sings Kurt's praises and then introduces him, but Sting shows up using Kurt's music and stage intro to send a message. He says he's not blaming Kurt for what happened as it's Karen's fault. He wants her to tell the truth that he never laid a hand on her. She says she hit her head and can't remember anything, and he responds that's because it never happened. Kurt runs out with a chair and smacks Sting in the skull and beats him up with it. He throws him back in the ring and cuffs his hands to the ropes. He screams to look at him as he embarrassed him by slapping his wife, and Sting shouts he didn't Kurt calls him a son of a bitch and says in Atlanta where he won the gold and Sting became a legend in WCW, he's going to kick the shit out of him. He's going to snap his ankle and maybe even his neck. He tells Karen to slap him, and she does just that a few times. Sting spits on her, and Kurt says he'll see him at BFG. Sting spits on him as well, so Kurt beats the crap out of him with some great punches.

Mike and DW explain that Abyss was so upset he tapped out that he begged Cornette to let him put his career on the line.

JB-
-Abyss says this won't be his last match, but Kurt's last breathe. Click Doomsday.

Match#1 Black Reign vs Shark Boy
Oh no, he's getting TV squash matches. All his offence looks bloody awful and shoddy as he's so fat and bad. He wins with a spin out Suplex dubbed the Schizophrenic
1/2*

Post match, he hits Sharky in the face with his hammer and brings out that poor little rat again. He pulls Sharky's mask off and puts the poor rat in it and tries to put it back on, but EY saves. Leave the poor animal alone.

In the back, Team Pacman are super hyped to beat up AJ and Tomko at BFG.

Match#2 Christopher Daniels w/XXX vs Jay Lethal w/Sonjay Dutt
Non title as the feud keeps on. Jay is all fired up after beating Angle, and he once again refuses to be kicked around. He smokes Daniels with the Tope and beats his face in. Daniels manages to cut him and throws him chest first into the buckles in the classic Bret Hart bump, and kicks his ass in revenge. Very good control seg as Daniels attack the neck and does some good work to it, and Jay's selling is quite good. He makes a fun comeback and we get some cool Daniels bumps and sells. The finishing run hits and Daniels gets the best of it and nearly beats the champ with the BME. Ke keeps his head and shoves Jay off the injection and nails the Last Rites to win.
**3/4

In the back, Corny announces the return of the fucking reverse battle royal, XXX vs LAX in an UX match, and a ten women's gauntlet for the Gold. All will take place at BGF. He tells Morgan he understands that as a man he needs to fight, but he can't have him injuring anyone before the biggest show of the year, not even Cage. Morgan takes his glasses off and promises to handle it.

The Coalition is now in the ring and calls Morgan out for a chit chat. Cage says at the PPV, Joe realised he cant nor will ever beat him, so he went crazy and got him DQ. He laid out ten guys and tried to hang him by his gorgeous neck. Which brings him to Morgan. Corny might be his boss, but he runs this show. When you see the marquee attraction being hung you don't wait 5 minutes to do something about it, you get there right away. They say it's time to show him what's for, and they all corner him. Joe runs down and tackles Cage and beats his ass, and Morgan throws AJ to the floor. Joe gets rid of the other two and stands tall with Morgan. Matt gets the mic and says he's going to be the special enforcer for BGF. Cage calls bullshit and says he can't just do that and who let him. Corny now shows up and says it was him because it's time for Cage to fight like a man. He then says he found a Samoan for Cage to fight next week, and he brings out Rikishi in 2007. HHAHAHAHAAHAHA FUCK ME. He's called Junior Fatu and will thankfully quit in a few weeks after TNA refuses to give him any more money.

Match#3 Kurt Angle (c) vs Abyss (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship-Six Sides of Steel. -Abyss will quit TNA if he taps)
Kurt attacks the bad ankle right away and the work is good like the PPV, but Abyss' selling is mostly ass because he's a big lumbering goof that doesn't get how to do it. Also, he's now throwing some of the worst looking punches ever as they hit at the wrist and look hideous. He throws Kurt into the cage to bust him open and beats him up, and it's fun thanks to Kurt eating all the shit on every shot, and the gusher being truly ugly and cool as hell. Abyss keeps killing him and Kurt hits the ref because we needed a ref bump in a cage match. Kurt comes back and hits a Superplex and then a Moonsault where his knee catches Abyss right in the face. The ref gets back up, so i don't get why that happened??? Abyss punches a chair in his face and beats him up some more, and Kurt counters into the Angle Lock for a while, but Abyss gets a terrible roll through to send Kurt into a chair and then puts on a real bad looking Angle Lock. behind him, the gloves comes out the ring and a giant man with white eyes shows up spitting blood and strangles Abyss with a babredwire chain, and the match sort of ends
1/2*

DW says that must be Judas, and he breaks a chair over Abyss's face. He gets out the fake glass and cuts Abyss' arm and drinks the blood off it. He beats him up for a while and the lights go out as Mike does his best to make this seem cool and not a re-hash of an all time angle.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team Pacman-9/9/07

TNA Impact
September 20th, 2007
Impact Zone

In the back, Kurt says sorry to Dr Nash for what he said and did to him at No Surrender. He didn't come to Impact because he knew he was angry and he's sorry. Kev accepts, and Kurt hugs him and Nash says this is very creepy so please let go. Kurt gloats about the beating on Sting last week, and Nash says there are two Stings. One nice and the real creepy dark evil Sting. He talks about the NWO and how they punked Sting, and he made their lives a living hell. He's a demon and they kicked a sleeping dog. He asks who idea it was, and Kurt and Karen point at each other. A guy walks in and gives Karen a piece of a paper as they argue about whose idea it was to beat him up. Kurt asks what to do, and Kevin says they need to come up with a way to make this right. Kurt says Karen is going to apologise to him because she wants to wear the pants. She agrees but she's not happy. Kevin says he better pray Sting buys this, and Kurt says that's a great idea and asks Kev to pray with him.

Match#1 Judas Mesias vs Eric Young
JM is the future Mil Muertes from LU who ruled a ton. Sadly, he sucks a ton and is about to get injured in a AAA even and be out till December, so this is cursed on top of just being plan terrible as far as gimmicks go. This is a bad squash as Judas' offence is lame and weak looking, and EY can only do so much to help this guy out. EY is busted open from the post, and Judas seems to be turned on by it and wins with a shitty looking STO.
1/4*

Judas beats him down, and the kills Sharky when he tries to help him out. He scares the refs away, but our man Rhino comes down with a chair and gets him to leave. Poor Rhino

In the back, AJ is wearing a party hat and leads the new announcer Christy to show off his new party zone to celebrate Christian. Cage walks on, and He says this is for beating a big bad Samoan, and he messes about and puts a lay on Cage. Tomko yells at him to knock the shit off and get serious because he's facing Truth and he wants the tag titles. Christian says Corny found Fatu, and he knows how talented he is, but he caught him at a bad time because all he sees is Joe. He wants Joe to watch close because this is what he's going to do to him at BFG. He hasn't lost since he got here, and that will not change at BFG.

Recap of the Steiners/3D feud.

Match#2 AJ Styles w/Tomko vs Ron Killings w/Pac Man
Nice to see this one more time after a few years without them going at it. Always one of those matches TNA should have done more, but sadly not to be. AJ plays face as he gets punched from behind and takes a great beating bumping his ass off like old times. Truth looks very good in control and i'm sad to see him go. AJ COMES BACK WITH DAT DROPKICK AND THE CROWD FUCKING LOSES IT. Pac Man spits on AJ and gets him to chase after him, and AJ runs back into the Lie Detector like it's 2003, and takes a wild bump off it. Truth keeps beating him up, and the crowd gets hotter and hotter for AJ to fight back. He does just that and Tomko helps him out to show how bad he wants this to work. AJ smokes Truth with a spin kick and breaks out the Stlyn DDT for a near fall. He trades kicks with Truth and nails the Pele, but the ref is dealing with Tomko, and Pac Man gets in and sprays AJ in the eyes with the paint, and Truth hits the legdrop to win.
**1/2

In the back, Karen says if Sting is the true gentlemen he says he is, he will meet this lady in the ring.

She comes out to the ring now and talks about how hard it is to be married to some like Kurt, and she got caught up in the moment and slapped him. Maybe once, twice or three times, she's trying to say sorry. All she wants is Kurt and Sting to have a great match, so what do you say. Sting's voice comes over and says he's not going to get caught in another Angle plot. She's right that she will not be involved in the match at BGF, and asks if she read the letter yet. She pulls out and says it''s a restraining order that keeps her 50ft from Sting at all times. Sting walks forward like a dick and says it's less than 50 and chases her away, and blackshirts and cops come out and arrest her for violating the order. But like, he did that on purpose so that's bullshit. Anyway, Kurt comes out and is very mad about this and watches as she's taken away in a cop car. He says he's going to bail her out.

Match#3 Christian Cage vs Junior Fatu
Kish looks like he fell asleep in a tanning booth, and also gained another 100kgs. Cage bumps huge for him right away and shows off all that great work of the last year as he's now maybe the best heel in America at this point. Kish's offence is not particularly good, but Cage dying on everything MORE than makes up for it. Kiss misses sitting his ass on Cage's chest and slowly drops to the mat as he's not bumping at all. Cage keeps eating shit and doing his best, but this fat old fuck doesn't give a damn about any of this. Christian gets his knees up on the Bonsai Drop, but Kish no sells it and hits a Samoan Drop for a near fall, AJ comes out now to help, and pulls Cage off and Christian gets a pin where Kis makes ZERO attempt to kick out at all. Fuck this guy.
*

Post match, Rikishi beats them both up because of course. AJ eats a stinkface as does Cage. Tomko funally shows up and beats his ass, but Joe makes the save and kills everyone and stands tall with this goon.

IN THE BACK, JUDAS IS ATTACKING STING WITH A NOOSE AND CHOKES HIM DOWN AND POSES OVER HIM. FUCK YEAH MURDER.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team Pacman-9/9/07

TNA Impact
September 27th, 2007
Impact Zone

In the back, Mitchell is now with his son and talks about extracting blood from Sting, and says Sting wants their blood. That's ok with him because they'll extract his blood and make him spray like a sprinkler. He open a door and tells Sting this is where they'll be waiting if he dares.

Match#1 Team 3D vs Shark Boy & Sonjay Dutt
Mike says because Corny won't give 3D a tag shot, they have sworn to take out every team until they're the only ones left. Sharky bites D-Von's ass and Bubba can't stop laughing, so Sharky bites his as well. Sharky keeps getting the best of them and makes them actually bump and care, and it's a nice thing to see. Sonjay gets in and kisses Bubba's hand and Bubba likes it, but he snaps out of it and beats him like he's a Bully or something, They kill them both and beat Sharky with the 3D.
*

Post match, 3D try to crush Sharky's neck with the chair, but Dutt drags him away.

JB-
-VKM are sick of tried to taking a back seat to everyone coming in here. He takes dumps bigger than most of the boys. He says screw the fans because they don't need them, and they're marks who know nothing. He call them trick ass marks, and i want to die. Kip says the same stuff, and hey nope.

In the back, JB can't find Sting.

Match#2 The Motor City Machineguns vs Jimmy Rave & Lance Hoyt w/Christy Hemme
YES. Shelley and Rave start us off and it's such a nice thing to see them on TV going at it. Great exchanges between them, and Shelley works face and the crowd sides with him with zero fight. Sabin joins the fun and whips his ass as well, and Rave's bumps absolutely rule. Hoyt hits Shelley from behind, and Jimmy hits the running knee to knock him silly, and the fellas go to work with a fun control seg thanks to Rave leading the charge, and Shelley bumping his ass off for everything he gets hit with. Sabin gets the hot tag and goes wild on them, and reminds everyone he's a better face than heel. It all breaks down and the Guns go nuts once more with big bumps for Hoyt. They fight back and get Hoyt alone and hit the AC Rush to win.
**3/4

Post match, 3D attack the Guns from behind as the face turn is true and proper now. Bubba kills Shelley with a gross piledriver. They bring out a table and lay Sabin on it, and Shark Boy tries to help but he gets killed as well. Shelley is picked up and Superbombed through Sabin and the table. They finally get the chair over Sharky's neck and kill him like they did to Scotty.

In the back, JB still can't find Sting.

NEXT WEEK, IMPACT GOES TWO HOURS.

Match#3 Miss Jackie w/James Storm vs Ms Brooks w/Robert Roode vs Roxxi w/VKM vs Christy Hemme w/Rock & Rave vs Gail Kim w/Chris Harris
Mike explains that all the men will be in the reverse battle royal, so these are our poor souls. This is not good at all as once again Gail is the only one who is good and trying, so it's all pointless. All the men fight on the outside and brawl away. Kip gets involved and helps Roxxi win.
1/6*

Long recap video about the happenings between Joe and Cage.

In the back, Sting finally shows up and beats Judas up with a trash can and kicks his ass, and hey it's Sting once again eating a young monster alive because he's a massive dickhead in 2007. He beats him down with a bunch of plunda as they fight to the Zone, and DW says this the Sting that Kevin Nash warned Angle about. So, they decided to kill off the monster to prove a point we already knew?? LOLTNA. He locks him in the Deathlock, but Kurt runs down to help this guy beat Sting up. Rhino now comes down to help out, and DW says there's something about Judas that brings out the best in Rhino. Um, it's been ONE week. Abyss returns with his arms all taped up and he beats everyone up, and also makes Judas look like an absolute nothing scrub. Brilliant work everyone.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team Pacman-9/9/07

TNA Impact
October 4th, 2007
Impact Zone

Our first two hour Impact. Wish me luck.

A really good video highlighting all the big stars, kicks us off.

TONIGHT; TEAM PAC MAN VS TEAM 3D. GAIL VS JACKIE. XXX, AJ & CAGE VS JOE, LAX & FATU.

Match#1 Black Reign vs Rhino
Of all the ways to kick off the biggest Impact in months, this is not what i would have picked. Rhino runs through him to start with his fun offence, and makes Dustin actually move and sell for once. Dustin side steps the Gore to take over, and his offence is still vile and terrible as he's moving so slow and everything looks like trash. We get a shot of Raven sitting on a throne watching on for some reason that for sure can't be good. Rhino makes a spirited comeback that falls apart as Dustin is again too fat and bad to make it work. Raven comes down to the ring and trips Dustin, and then fights with Rhino. Dustin charges at them, but Rhino moves and the heels clunk heads and he pins Reign.
1/4*

Post match, the 1998 dream team beat Rhino up until Abyss makes the save. Rhino and Raven fight off, and Abyss hits a horrible looking chokeslam on a sandbagging Rhodes. Mitchell tries to attack Abyss from behind, but he catches him. Havok runs down and tries to help, but Abyss kills him with the BHS. Abyss goes for the kill on Mitchell, but Reign hits him in the head with his hammer. The lights go out now and Sting shows up to save his idiot son. Abyss and Reign now fight off because selling is scary. Sting is alone, and Kurt shows up on the screen at a football game and says he'll be back after a word from our sponsor.

We come back to Kurt now reporting live from the game. He says he had some family business to care of. Sting's family business. His son Garett plays football here, and if he had a son he would never miss any of his games. He's going to cheer for him and wonder if he would slap a woman like his old man. Sting shouts he's going to kill him if he touches him, and Kurt laughs it off and goes back to cheering him on,

JB-
-Lethal and Dutt sing and dance make gags about killing Daniels at BFG. Sonjay says he's now started a charity to fight ebola as it's called enough ebola. Team 3D run on and beat the shit out of them to send a message to the division.

They fight out to the ring, and 3D really bash the hell out of them as they're brand new people when they turn heel. Sharky tries to help, but they attack his bad neck and hit the 3D on him. Sonjay is hit with the Superbomb. Bubba gets the mic and demands the match they're having be a title match, or they'll keep doing this to every team in TNA. That's actually fair. Anyway, they kill Lethal with a 3D through the table. Fantastic stuff.

In the back, Sting raids the production truck and scream at a guy for allowing this to air, and all he cares about is the ratings. He demands a headset so he can talk to Kurt. Sting tells him he's going to kill him if he touches him, and Kurt says that's the old Sting he wanted and it sucks it took him to come watch Garett for it to happen. He says he gave the cops his autograph and they asked him why he was there, and they went on their way. He goes back cheering on Sting's kid.

We go to a pre-tape with Roode and Brooks. Bobby talks about his brand and says he's hired PR and market people to help him out. He says his grandfather left him a lot of money, and things will change in TNA. Brooks asks where they are right now, and Bob says he's the boss and she woks for him. She can quit if she wants, and Brooks says her mum is sick so she can't do that. Roode demands she win the match at BGF as losers are not allowed in his world. Another interviewer walks on and yells at the new one for taking her spot. OH NO.

Match#2 Miss Jackie Moore w/James Storm vs Gail Kim
Mike announces the women's gauntlet will be for the NEW Knockouts Championship, which is pretty awesome. This is a fine little fight with lots of punches and live rounds thrown given all the hate, and it's all i need at this point. All the other women in the match and their sables come out to watch the match. They keep beating the crap out of each other and Gail hits a twist neckbreaker to win.
*3/4

Post match, the women try to attack Gail, but she bails out. Back in the ring, all the women fight each other.

In Corny's office, he says he's sick of 3D crying, so they can have the title match. Sting runs in and grabs Corny and screams he needs answers, and Corny says he's int he dark just like him. Kurt shows up on the TV on Corny's desk now commentating the game. Kurt says Sting's friend Larry who was sent here to help, will now be walking with a limp for the rest of his life. Sting trashes the office and shouts he's going to kill him.

Match#3 Team Pacman (c) vs Team 3D (TNA World Tag Team Championships)
So i guess, Truth is a face for the night as the crowd sides with him as 3D beat him down right away. It rules as he gets to comeback with his awesome kicks and cartwheels and D-Von eats a ton of crap. Pac Man gets in but he can't do anything as we know, so Bubba gets a ball and messes with him, so he leapfrogs over Bubba with ease and makes him look the fool. AGAIN, why the fuck is any of this happening after the earlier angle where 3D are on a rampage. Fuck me. 3D go back to fighting Truth and it's fun times, but the earlier stuff just serves to bother me. VKM come out and attack Truth for the DQ????
1/5*

Post match, The Steiner's make their return and walk them off. I mean walk as neither can run without blowing out a knee at this point.

Kurt is still in the crowd and shouts "Lets go, Son"

On a staircase, Raven is chilling. He says people are calling him washed up and saying he needs to leave, but they said that about Funk every time he retired and on his 5th return he beat him for the ECW title. Don't doubt him. He's going to let the Joe's and AJ's rip each other apart while he gets in shape again. He wants to fight Rhino becuase he's insane enough to gore a shopping cart to kill him, and Abyss because he wants to take his eye out. Abyss walks on and grabs Raven and says to make it a Monster's Ball and to bring Reign with him.

Match#4 Gauntlet for the Gold
-#1 is James Storm
-#2 is Kaz
-Fine little fight for 60 seconds.
-#3 is Robert Roode
-Beer Money etc.
-Kaz does his 2003 offence against both of them, and hey it's not very good.
-#4 is Petey
-More 2003 offence is thrown.
-Beer Money team up to beat these dorks up.
-#5 is EY
-He's super over, like holy shit.
-He fights Roode for the 500th time, so nope.
-#6 is Jimmy Rave.
-He picks things up with some fire and awesome counters to these jokers.
-#7 is Chris Sabin.
-Fuck yeah, he goes on a sick run and bounces everyone around the place.
#8 is Alex Shelley.
-Yes
-Fantastic MCMG offence and double teams.
-They murder poor Rave as the Embassy is not forever.
-Shelley dumps Petey over and out.
-Rave is then kicked out as well.
-Ms Brooks watches on.
-#9 is Lance Hoyt
-He breaks out some chokeslams and fine ass power moves, and everyone dies for him.
-Shelley throws Sabin at Hoyt in the corner, but the big man ducks and Sabin FLYS out of the ring to the floor.
-#10 is Chris Harris
-He's getting a little fat, but he's still got a ton of fire and cares, so fuck yeah.
-Roode knocks Kaz through the middle ropes at Brooks' feet, so Roode gets out and beats him up as he talks shit to her.
-Shelley stupidly climbs to the top rope, and Hoyt boots him in the face to get rid of him.
-EY and Bobby actually work together to throw Hoyt out.
-Kaz lariats Roode over out, and as he's hanging on, Storm kicks him in the face to get rid of him.
-EY vs Storm now happens for the final two.
-45 seconds of not much before they do the Piper/Bret finish with EY winning.
**1/2

We see earlier today, AJ and Tomko arrived in the building as AJ keeps asking about Japan. Cage walks on and asks why AJ is wearing Tomko's shirt, and AJ says because they're going to Japan, duh. Christian is very confused and asks why they're going, and Tomko says because he's defending his title. Cage says AJ isn't allowed to go, but Tomko can bring back some chopsticks for him.

Hype video for UX.

At the game, Kurt is now telling a cheerleader that Garrett's dad slapped his wife. Kurt says he's going to give the kid a congratulatory slap on the ass like they do in all the big games, but he'll do in private as not to embarrass him like Sting did to Karen. Um, Kurt, don't do that.

Hype for Joe/Cage.

Match#5 Christian Cage, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels & Senshi w/Elix Skipper vs Samoa Joe, Junior Fatu & LAX
XXX try to attack the big man, but he murders them like the complete freak he is, and Ci joins and smokes them in a wonderful preview for the PPV. AJ gets in and fights Kish, and we get some fantastic comedy moments and big bumps from our hero. It all breaks down, AND CI HITS THE TOPE CON HILO AND DW LOSES HIS MIND. FUCK YEAH. Ci gets hung up on the ropes thanks to Skipper, and the heels isolate him. As we're now getting two hours, the control seg gets more time and kicks a ton of ass as everyone shows off and beats poor Ci's brains in. Ci rules at fighting from underneath and his comeback is stellar, and then Joe tags in and beats the fucking breaks off everyone. It breaks down again and Fatu is terrible and bad, but the other work around him and make sure nothing falls apart. Joe dumps Ki out on his head, and then fights Cage again and gets him in the choke, but Daniels makes the save before he can win. Hernadez cleans house and hits his dive on AJ. Back in the ring, Joe goes the kill on Cage, but Ki blind tags in to save him. Joe takes them out again. Ki misses the Combo Kick and knocks Cage out cold, and Joe quickly slaps him and hits the Muscle Buster on Ki to win.
***

At the game, Kurt says the kid is a incredible athlete like his old man used to be ten years ago. He wants to face the old Sting who had that fire. The kid gets in his car to leave, and Kurt confronts him. The kid says his dad never touched her, and he tries to leave, BUT KURT DRAGS HIM OUT OF THE CAR AND SAYS HE'S GOING TO LEAVE THE REST UP TO STING'S IMAGINATION.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team Pacman-9/9/07

TNA Impact
October 11th, 2007
Impact Zone

Kurt arrives wearing Sting's sons football uniform.

TONIGHT; KURT & 3D VS LAX & FATU.

Match#1 Jay Lethal vs Havok
Daniels watches at ringside as Lethal fights a droog in a fun little showcase. He gives the nerd a little and then beats the crap out of him with his awesome fire and fun offence. Elbow ends it.
*3/4

Post match, Daniels picks up the title and throws it to Jay, and leaves without incident.

In the back, Karen arrives looking none too happy.

Kurt comes out wearing said uniform in all time creep moment. Kurt shows it off and says the son is a great fighter for a minute or two. He did this because Sting laid hands on his wife, and he wants to face the very best Sting there is. Kurt says he's expecting a big beat down, so come on down and give it your best shot. Karen comes out instead. She yells at him for going after Sting's kid when they have two of their own, and he's crossed the line. Kurt says he determines when he crosses the line, and she knew what was coming when she left his kitchen. She says she should have never agreed to the plan of lying about Sting slapping her, and Kurt freaks out an tells her to shut up right now. Sting shows up on the screen and says he blames both of them as they're scum. The old Sting is going to take everything, so let the games begin. A dummy falls down and Kurt breaks it ankle and loses it. Sting says they're doing it on his time, not Kurt's.

In the back, Nash and JB are looking for Sting. Nash tells JB to stay away as he doesn't want him to get hurt and this is on him. He shouts out for Sting a few times, and Sting comes across the top of the steps as Kev asks if he can come up. Sting allows it and Nash says it's been a long time, and it feels like the NWO days. He asks Sting if he really wants to do this when people could get hurt. He knows Sting isn't a con and doesn't want to win like this, and Sting laughs and asks what would Kev do if he had come after his son, and Kev admits he would kill him. Sting laughs again and tells him not to lose his edge.

In the back, Team Pacman say some words about fighting XXX tonight. Don't care.

Match#2 Team Pacman vs Senshi & Elix Skipper
Ki wastes no time in booting Truth in the face and we get another awesome series of him fighting two heels, and it's good shit even if it makes zero sense. Pacman gets in and throws a football at Ki's dick. XXX go back to kicking Truth's butt for a while, and Skipper finally gets to do cool shit since his return, and that's always fun. Pacman throws money at Skipper to distract him, and Truth hits the Axe Kick to win.
**

Post match, The Steiner's come out to the ring as Pacman are still there. They all shake hands and the champs leave. The Steiner's drop their catch phrases and calls 3D fat asses and bingo hall champions of nothing. Scotty promises to put them through tables and roast the two fattest pigs in Atlanta when they're done.

In the back, Bubba is very upset at being called fat and gross, and says Britney Spears is far more fat and disgusting than they are. They don't drink aside from 5 shots of Jack a day, they're going to crack a few cold one and piss on them when they win. The Steiner's come on and make them leave.

In the back, Kevin says Kurt's strategy is not good, and he would kill him if he had done that to his son. Kurt says the kid hit him first and he deserved it. Karen says he won't listen to him, and Kurt says he listens to himself and he doesn't sweat anyone. HE'S KURT ANGLE DAMN IT. Kev says he's on his own if he's going to act like this as he's not getting thrown in the Sting train. Kurt says that's fine and makes JB leave with him despite JB being terrified of a pissed off Sting.

They introduce all the women for the title match on the PPV, and a young ODB, Velvet Sky and Angelina Love make their debuts. AS DOES FUCKING AWESOME KONG. OH MY GOD YES, Well, she's actually AMAZING Kong, but fuck yeah

Match#3 Amazing Kong vs Gail Kim
Gail tries to take the fight to her, but lol nope she gets beaten to shit by this freak of nature. Incredible strikes and slams, and Gail dies on everything. Gail gets an Octopus on, and Kong KILLS her with a sidewalk slam to squash her like a bug. Kong misses a dive, and Gail mounts a comeback but she can't get her down despite her best efforts, and Kong kills her dead with the sitout Powerbomb to win her debut.
**

In a pre-tape, DW is hanging out with Dutt in the back meditating. Sonjay says people need his voice and he's here to help, and the fact no one has heard of ebola is why he needs their wallets and taken donations for the Guru Fund. DW gives some cash, and Dutt thanks him and asks him to meditate with him.

Christian Cage comes out to the ring for his new talk show "Chat with the Champ" with a beach set up. AJ is wearing a Hawaiian shirt and is super happy about all of this, and it warms my heart. Cage says he's got this set up his guest, and some would says it's crazy to have him here considering he wants to kill him, but it's time to put their cards on the table. Samoa Joe comes out, and Cage welcomes him to the islands BRAH. Christian says this will be their third singles match this year, and he's yet to beat him so is he going to change things up if he's in his head. Joe says he's boring him already and he's not even trying any more. The coconut is cliche and done, and AJ behind the bar is just sad. There is one truth they call agree on, and it's Christian is an asshole. Cage says not to disrespect him, and Joe dares him to do something about it. AJ goes out to defend him, but Joe tells the hillbilly to get his ass back behind the bar or else. Cage says he went through so many sales to find all the crap to make him feel like at home. Joe says at BFG he's going to break him and put him in the hospital win, lose or draw. Cage tries to beg off and says he respects him, so he wants them to have a drink. AJ makes it as the fans chant to take the booze. Cage proposes a toast to their match stealing the damn show. They clink drinks, and Joe throws it in his face and clobbers hm. Hr wreaks the set and kills AJ and goes after Cage, AJ BREAKS A SMALL GUITAR OVER JOE'S HEAD, BUT HE JUST STANDS THERE LOOKING VERY MAD. HE WALKS HIM DOWN, AND MATT MORGAN DRAGS AJ OFF AND HEADBUTTS HIM OUT COLD. Joe and and Cage brawl in the ring and it's amazing as hell. Cage throws salt in Joe's eyes and breaks the coconut over his face to show the cliche will never die. He beats the shit out of him some more and poses over his body.

LOVE this feud so much.

In the back, LAX are in force with a dozen members or so. Ci says they're the toughest team in the world and they've been in trouble their whole lives, so they're ready to live and die in LAX.

Match#4 Robert Roode w/Ms Brooks vs Petey Willams
Not much as they're only given 2 minutes and change and Roode mostly eats him alive in a short showcase. Payoff ends it
1/2*

Post match, Roode holds Petey and yells at Brooks to slap him, but she refuses to do it. He yells at her some more, so Kaz saves and runs him off.

in the back, Kurt and JB sneak around and whisper, and Kurt gets mad at himself for whispering when he's Kurt Angle. They go into the mens room as Sting is a piece of crap, so it makes sense. Kurt checks stalls and most of them are empty and he kicks the last one open to find Rikishi taking a shit. Kurt says he's going to throw up now.

Match#5 Raven & Black Reign vs Abyss & Rhino
Plunda war right away as letting them wrestle might finally kill TNA off for good. They hit each other with said plunda and bleed a little, but it's done to death and none of these 4 are worth caring about anymore. Raven does at least kill Abyss with the Evenflow onto some Tacks for a gross visual, but the rest is fat old hacks doing stuff. Rhino gores Raven though a table to take him out, but a blinded Abyss hits Rhino with the BHS and lets Dustin steal the win.
1/2*

In the back, Rikishi sniffs a lot and says there wasn't this much drama in WWE. FUV9RES9IVFZDSWDFVSEWFVEW FUCK OFF, YOU LOSER.

In the back, Matt Morgan says Corny has made him the enforcer for the main event. He's really bad at doing a serious promo, and you can see why he bombed whenever he was given a push. But hey, we'll cover that next year.

Match#6 LAX & Junior Fatu vs Team 3D & Kurt Angle (Special Enforcer-Matt Morgan)
LAX do their thing to start with 3D, and now with the roles reversed they can actually have a good match from both sides. Yet another reason i will never think 3D are all timers as it takes stuff like that to make them care. Anywoo, Hernandez gets to fight Kurt and it's really fun watching him hurl this goof around, and Kurt takes every shot as hard as he can as he's a proper lunatic. Ci is isolated after and the control is long like last week, but also suffers as no one here is as good as the heels were last week. Still, Ci carries them as best he can. Kish has a bad hot tag as he's even fatter and lazier than his last WWE run. Things break down as they tend to, and Ci loses to ONE Angle Slam. Fuck off.
*3/4

Post match, Kurt calls for Sting to come out and fight him. Sting shows up on the screen and says he's got him mad with the red blood celling going through his body. A tall LAX good confronts Kurt and baw gawd it's Sting. He beats Kurt up and makes him tap out.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-17/6/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: Team Pacman-9/9/07

TNA BOUND FOR GLORY
OCTOBER 14TH, 2007
DULUTH GEORGIA-THE ARENA AT GWINNETT CENTER

Awesome opening video as TNA at least gets it right for the biggest show of the year.

Match#1 LAX va Senshi & Elix Skipper (#1 Contendership-Ultimate X Match)
-LAX is FULL of fire and go wild as soon as the bell rings with dives and double teams, and XXX bump like maniacs.
-Ki nails a sick flying elbow to the back of Hernandez' head, and XXX swarm Ci to smack his face off the mat.
-HERNANDEZ PICKS KI UP BY THE THROAT AND TOSSES HIM ACROSS THE RING, AND THEN GRABS SKIPPER OFF THE ROPES AND CRUSHES HIM WITH A BACK BREAKER. JESUS MAN.
-Ki kicks Ci off the cables when he tries to climb up to send him back first to the mat to give XXX control again.
-Skipper again gets to do some wild stuff, and throws Ci around and looks fantastic.
-Ki takes it to Hernandez some more, but the big man pounces him out of the ring and Ci follows with the Tope to crush him against the rails.
-Hernandez climbs across which is fucking nuts as he does it with ease. He gets to the middle but can't quite reach it, and Skipper dropkicks him off it.
-HE COMES BACK TO LIFE AND DRAGS KI OFF WITH A NASTY POWERBOMB.
-Skipper and Ci fight on top of the truss, AND SKIPPER HITS A CROSSBODYB OFF THE TOP ONTO HERNANDEZ. NO FUCKING WAY MAN.
-Skipper and Ci climb up on the cables and Ci hits a goddamn neckbreaker off the top to kill them both.
-Ci gets back up and fights Ci onto the truss and attempts the Cop Killa, but Ki kicks him down and ties him in the ropes, and hits the Warrior's Way to crush his chest.
-Hernandez gets back up and takes Skipper out with the Border Toss onto Ci and Ki, and then climbs up and gets the X down to win.
***1/4

Kurt, Karen and Nash all arrived at different times today. Sure it's not another ruse.

In the back, Christian rallies the troops. He talks about the awful fight for the right about to start, and it's losers who hush in his presence. He wants to know why he's not the #1 contender, and he asks AJ why he's not getting the shot, and AJ says because of Joe. CORRECT. He's going to end this once and for all and beat Joe, and get his way into this tournament and get his worlds championship back., If you don't know, now you know. AJ says he's jacked and excited to win a title in his back yard. He gives a shotout to his parents for his body, and his brothers for beating him up to make him tough. Tomko shoves him away and the says the fairy tale ends tonight because this is wrestling not the NFL, and he's going to slam Pacman through the ring.

Match#2 Fight For Your Right
Again, it's the reverse battle royal aka Vince Russo's most evil idea to ever come to life. Jimmy Rave, Havoc, Shark Boy, Petey Williams, Sonjay Dutt, Kip James, B.G. James, Chris Harris, Lance Hoyt, Kaz, Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, James Storm, Eric Young, Robert Roode and Junior Fatu, are all the poor bastards stuck in here. Fatu is the first man in as he's fat and not going to actually bother to fight to get in, and instead just walks in when he sees an opening. Kaz kills Roode with the Flux Capacitor to send them both in the ring. The Guns and EY also make it in, and Hoyt also gets in. Storm beats Harris in to the be the last man in as Chris Harris' career is officially dead and over. Rest in Peace. EY throws Storm out as soon as the bell rings, and the fat man Kish lazily beats everyone up as they have to bump and feed for him. Everyone finally works together to toss him out because we're still protecting this goof. The Guns have a run doing so much cool stuff, and remind us they're far better than this filth. Sabin is then kicked in the face to be eliminated by Kaz because fuck being talented around this place. Roode then suplexes Kaz over and out. Roode shoves Hoyt out when he climbs the top, and we're down to three. Shelley climbs to the top, AND ROODE HIP TOSSES EY INTO HIM TO KNOCK HIM TO THE FLOOR. AWESOME. Sadly, it's Roode vs EY again, and i'm beyond done writing it as you are reading it. EY wins with a rollup.
LOLTNA

As with the first one, there was some good moments, but i can't in any good faith give it a good rating for what it represents.

Hype for the tag title match. Which now occurs to me they did no build whatsoever on TV. Goddamn it.

In the back, Pacman says they're the better team with the home field, and they're going to kick their asses and make them leave. Truth says due to a football team not letting Pac wrestle, they've got a fill in whose beaten Apollo Creed and Clubber Lang. That man is Consequences Creed!!!! Pac says they live their lives without a seatbelt and they better buckle up.

In the back, Kurt is confused as to what the big deal about slapping a kid around is. Karen again blames him for making this personal and hurting her family. Kurt says he's got him right where he wants him, so get out of his face.

AJ gets a HUGH reaction in home town, and it's so deserved after carrying this company on his back since 2002.

Consequences Creed aka Xavier Woods makes his debut as the newest member of Team Pacman. Insane chance to give to a complete unknown, but props to TNA for doing it given where Creed's career ends up.

Match#3 Team Pacman (c) vs AJ Styles & Tomko (TNA Worlds Tag Team Championship)
Creed and AJ gel super fast with some sick counters and back and forth, and AJ even uses the rana off his back for the first time in years. Creed shows off with some knees and punches, and looks very good. Tomko and Truth also have a fun fight, and Truth is a fire plug on PPV and bounces Tomko all over. Creed tries to help and eats a boot to the mush for his troubles, and the fellas kick the holy shit out of him. The crowd ADORES AJ, and is right there as he puts this kid to the test as only he can with all the classics being broken out. Truth gets in off the tag and beats AJ from behind to work heel again, and AJ gets to fight from underneath and breaks out the Pele as his saving grace in such a sick use of it. Creed gets in as everyone fights, and he crushes AJ with a release belly to belly into the corner. Pacman trips Tomko and runs for it, and Truth hits a flip dive to take him out, BUT AJ IS BACK UP WITH EVERYONE ON THE OUTSIDE AND HE HITS THE MOTHERFUCKING SHOOTING STAR PRESS DIVE. WOOOOOOO. Pac tries to use the money again to distract AJ and get him rolled up, but AJ is able to kick out this time, and Tomko breaks truth's face with the Boot. AJ hits the Forearm and the boys use the Au Revoir/Carnage Plex to win the titles. That ruled.
***

In the back, Karen says Kurt losing is not an option. She finds Kevin and Angelina in the lockroom. She kicks her out and asks Kevin to speak to Kurt, and Kev says he's more stubborn than Scott Hall, so he's not doing it. Karen says if he loses the title, they both lose their meal ticket and Kevin will no longer be paid for his phoney sessions and will have to wrestle. She brings up his bad knees, and Kev deadpans that's not something he's even thinking about doing. He says he's going to talk to him, so thanks for being a buzz kill. Nash once again turning wrestling into his worst case scenario is why he's the only irl dickhead we all love.

Hype for Jay/Daniels.

Match#4 Jay Lethal (c) vs Christopher Daniels (TNA X-Division Championship)
Jay takes no crap again and hits his gorgeous rana and tope to show him just that, and Daniels bumps big time for the kid to help him out. They fight on the outside and Daniels manages to slam him into the rail and then hits a wicked one to drop him spine first onto it, and Jay's back is cooked. Daniels drags him back and batters the hell out of it with all his offence in between some classic heel knees and chin locks, and it's a very good outing for him as the XXX reunion gave him brand new life. Jay's attempted comeback all rule as he's showing fire and heart, sadly he makes a proper one and never bothers to sell the bad back in a super shitty thing. They move into the finishing run and it's good because well yeah, but selling wouldn't hurt. Still, some sick counters and near falls happen, and Jay guts it out and wins with the Lethal Injection off he top to show he's for real.
**3/4

In the back, Scotty keeps talking about Bubba'a FAT ASS and how he can't run because he's got a FAT ASS.

Match#5 The Steiner Brothers vs Team 3D (2/3 Tables Match)
They brawl to start and keep it as simple as these very old and fat men can do as anything more might result in 4 dead bodies on a PPV. The fighting is ok as they hit very hard and smack the piss out of each other even harder with chairs and trash cans. They all fight back to the ring and Rickles is 3D though a table first. Scotty fights them alone and handles it well because he's not a FAT ASS. He hits the Frankensteiner to send Bubba head first into a table to even it up. They fight some more and Bubba hits Scotty in the balls and hits him with a belt across his knees over and over. They spend the next few minutes walking around and setting up a table, and the Guns show up for some sweet revenge and distract them, and D-Von misses a chair shot and kills his brother. Rick comes back to life after being dead since the 3D and hits the Steiner Bulldog on D-Von into a table to win.
3/4*

In the back, ODB introduces herself and makes fun of the other ladies fake boobs and beings sluts, and it's classic 2007 bants. Amazing Kong walks on and scares them away.

Match#6 Gauntlet for the Gold-TNA Knockouts Championship
-#1 is Ms Brooks
-#2 is Jackie Moore
-Ooof, not good at all.
-#3 is Shelley Marteniz
-She's not good either sadly, but props to TNA for at least hiring more than 3 women.
-#4 is Amazing Kong
-She beats everyone up, but not in a fully insane violent way as these ladies suck at bumping and sellng.
-Jackie backdrops Brooks out
-Kong crushes Jackie with an Implant DDT and tosses her out
-#5 is ODB
-Fuck yeah
-She tries to fight Kong, but gets her head smashed in.
-#6 is Angel Williams aka Angelina
-She throws some nice kicks and takes it to Kong as best she can.
#7 is Christy Hemme
-Kong deadlifts and locks in a gross Backbreaker and then kills her dead with a powebomb.
#8 is Gail Kim
-She hits Kong with a top rope dropkick and takes it to her, and the others try to help, but no dice.
-Christy is dead on the floor being tended to by EMT's.
-Gail gets Kong's head over the ropes, and the other two shove her over and out.
-BOOOOOO
-#9 is Taylor Madison aka Velvet Skye
-Yeah, she's horrible as know and will never actually get better.
-ODB kicks Love out.
-She fights Kim and Skye, and is easily the best new hire they've got aside from Kong
-#10 is Roxxi
-Gail dumps Skye as Roxxi shoves ODB out.
-They have a fun back and forth that would have been better served as a singles match for the title, but TNA is forever dumb, Gail wins the title with an Air-Raid Crash.
3/4*

In the back, Kevin speaks to Kurt. He says he could schmooze Sting and tell him Kurt is sorry and he lost his mind, and they have a nice match. Kurt says Kevin has lost his edge and he's a pussy. Kevin finally says he's not having his back and won't mess with Sting, and Kurt is confused as he hears his knees creek when he stands up,. So buy a ticket and watch with the fans. KEV SHOUTS THAT IF HE LOSES THE TITLE HE LOSES EVERYTHING, AND KURT SAYS HE ALREADY DID. Kurt says he's going to take a big nasty Nash, and walks off. Kevin tosses a chair across the room in anger.

Hype for Joe/Cage.

Matt Morgan comes out with no shirt on and gets NO POP. I'd feel bad if he wasn't a complete tool, so this is very funny

Match#7 Samoa Joe vs Christian Cage (Special Enforcer-Matt Morgan)
DW sells the entire story better than anyone ever could as he explains that Cage NEEDS to get into Joe's head to make him mess it up as he can't beat a guy like Joe straight up in a fight, so the plan hinges on all of that and that's why Cage has gone two years without losing. God Bless Don West. Joe plays the headlock game and goes nice and slow as he also knows the game that's being played, but Cage slaps him and he snaps and beats his brains in with knees and the face-wash because fuck this little bastard. Joe breaks out the flying knee off the top as DW compares him to a bigger version of Senshi!! Joe keeps rocking his body and the beating is so much damn fun watching Cage die. They stand on the apron as they hang through the ropes and Cage eye rakes him, AND SWINGS BACK ON THE ROPES TO KICK JOE IN THE FACE, HE TRIES THE DIVE BUT JOE MOVES AND HE EATS THE RAIL AND JOE BREAKS OUT THE ELBOW SUICIDA. Joe gets a chair and hits the Ole Kick and breaks the rail along with Cage's brains. JOE THROWS CAGE AGAINST THE APRON, BUT CAGE MANAGES TO CATCH HIS FEET AT THE TOP ROPE AND COME DOWN WITH A DDT TO SEND JOE HEAD FIRST INTO THE CONCRETE. HOLY SHIT. Cage takes over and attacks the now damaged head with leg locks and awesome strikes, and Joe's selling is goddamn perfect. Joe won't die and moves out of the way of the Frog Splash and starts slugging him in the face. He kicks him out to the floor and busts Cage's mouth open. Cage tries to run, but Morgan stops him, and Joe runs at him and hits the twisting splash to crush himself and Cage. They get in the ring and Joe does the walk away while flipping him off and Cage eats shit once again. Joe then takes his head off with a motherfucker of a lariat that turns him inside out for a near fall. Joe stays on him and keeps catching him with bombs but he can't put him down because to DW's earlier point, not only is Cage smart, but he's also tough as hell even if he doesn't want to show that side of himself if he can help it. They fight on top and Cage gets headbutted by Samoan and falls to the floor as Joe lands in the ring. Tomko comes down and gets in Morgan's face and fights him, and it allows AJ to sneak past. He tries to dive off the top, but Morgan catches him and throws him into Tomko and chases them away with a chair. IN THE RING CAGE PUNTS JOE RIGHT IN THE DICK AND HITS THE UNPRETTIER. 1...2 JOE KICKS OUT. Cage locks in a choke to hopefully put him to sleep, and Joe's selling is once again amazing. He comes back to life and rams him into the corner and kicks him in the face and nails the Muscle Buster and gets the Choke on and after 24 months, Cage finally taps out.
****

In the back, Kevin once again tries to get Sting to not kill Kurt, and Sting finally demands to know why Kevin cares so damn much about Angle and why's he's protecting him, AND KEVIN SHOUTS BECAUSE HE'S ALL HE'S GOT. Sting is in the main event and it's the closest he's ever going to get. Sting says he's sorry, but tonight game over. TNA turning Kevin Nash into the most sympathetic old man was not on my bingo card, but this rules so much.

Hype for Monsters Ball.

Match#8 Abyss vs Raven vs Black Reign vs Rhino (Monsters Ball)
Loads of plunda and CTE as you'd expect from 3 men who can't do anything else, and poor Rhino who can't carry them all. We do get a nice callback between Raven and Rhino using the shopping cart, but other than that this is pretty lame. They fight all over the place and we get Rhino missing a Gore and smacking his body into a smoke machine to knock himself out. Dustin is near death even climbing steps, Raven shoves him back down, AND HE HITS AN ELBOW DROP OFF THE BALCONY TO CRUSH ABYSS. HOLY SHIT YEAH. They fight back to the ring and go back to doing lame plunda stuff and the like, and hey it stinks. Raven takes his shirt off and shows he's actually lost a ton of weight and looks good, so sadly he gets hit with the BHS onto the tacks and fake ass glass by the big moron to lose.
3/4*

Hype for the main event.

Match#9 Kurt Angle (c) vs Sting (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
After all the build of Sting wanting kill Kurt for everything, he starts off by trying to chain wrestle an Olympic freestyle wrestling champion and gets his ass handed to him. Yeah, Kurt might be a wreak of a man, but he's still Kurt fucking Angle and all that goes with it. Sting gets an arm drag to send him out of the ring, and they act like he slayed the dragon, but Kurt taking a powder and getting right back shows that's not the case at all. Sting finally lariats him over the ropes and it feels like the way he should have started it, and he shows that by beating him up on the outside and gets far with it. They fight back in and Kurt counters the Deathdrop with an eye rake and a gross German to send Sting onto his skull. Kurt works the head and hits a series of Supexes and kicks the old man's ass for a while, and it's the best stuff Kurt has done since the Lethal match as he's. just murdering people and not trying to do bullshit epics. Sting makes a comeback and it's also the best he's looked as he's got fire and cares a ton (wonder why??) and Kurt bumps big for him to help him out. Kurt catches him with the armdrag off the top for a near fall, and then hits the 3 German's in a role. Sting fights through and gets the Deathlock on, but Karen shows up and is kicked out. Nash comes down and closeslines Sting, and Angle hits the Angle Slam, and Sting kicks out of course. Kurt fights him some more and tries the 450, AND HE FUCKS IT UP AND DRIVES HIS KNEES INTO STING'S CHEST. FUCKING HELL. Sting somehow kicks out as he's not dead, and Kurt gets the Angle Lock on. Sting sends Kurt into Nash, and then the ref is bumped. Sting hits the deathlock, but Nash pulls the new ref out to save. He attacks Sting once more with some great offence as he's working super hard. Sting fights them both off and knocks Nash out with a punch. Kurt hits a low blow and tries the bat, but Sting catches it and brains him. He knocks Nash out again, and hits Kurt with the Deathlock to win the title he didn't need after a terrible 2007. Bad match with an even worse result.
*3/4

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Sting-14/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion-Gail Kim-14/10/07

TNA Impact
October 18th, 2007
Impact Zone

In the back, JB is sitting down with Kurt and Karen. Kurt blames Nash for the loss, and JB says from what he can see Kevin saved him from Sting. Kurt says he must be blind, and he would kick Nash's ass if he was here right now. Kurt says he's going to beat Sting for the worlds title tonight, and Karen calls him delusional. Kurt kicks her out so he can get ready for his match.

Tonight; A parade of champions. Fight For Your Right begins.

Kurt now comes out to the ring because he's the main character, sadly. He calls out Sting to give him what is his as if not for Nash, he would still have it. He talks crap about the NWO and says he would beat Nash's ass, and hey Big Sexy comes out on the stage. He says maybe Kurt wants to say it to his face, and Kurt hides behind Karen as he blames him for costing him the title. Nash says Sting was kicking his ass all over the place, and he came out there because he felt sorry for Kurt. Kevin says they had a good run but he's got one chance to say sorry or else. Kurt refuses to do it and says he's a bad doctor and his jokes aren't even funny, so leave because he's got a fight tonight. Kevin says he does have a fight tonight with HIM. Kurt decks him with some punches, but Kevin fights back and kills him with the Jackknife.

In the back, Kurt says he can't move his legs, and Karen says he can't face Sting like this. He needs to make it up to Nash. Kurt asks JB what he likes, and JB says he enjoys porn. Kurt asks Karen to buy some porn and extra for them so they can fix this. Karen says this is a joke, and Kurt says he can tell Nash it was a joke and fix it. Karen calls him a joke and leaves, AND KURT SHOUTS TO NOT FORGET THE PORN.

Match#1 Alex Shelley vs Chris Sabin (Fight For the Right Quarterfinals)
They have a sick exchange on the mat as the crowd goes wild for them, but sadly Bubba shows up to break it up and says this match sucks. D-Von runs in from behind to end it.
1/4*

3D kick the snot out of them as Bubba talks shit and hits them with his belt as he blames them for costing them at the match at BFG. Bubba says they're going to destroy the X-Division because it sucks and they're pro wrestling. They get the tables out and powerbomb the Guns through them.

In the office, Christian walks in with a ladder as Jim asks if he's going to paint the roof. Cage says there's a spot in the fight for the right, and he's going to fill it. He says if he's going to be pimped out for ratings, he's going to do it in match. Joe walks in and asks for the last spot as well, and they argue with each other to close it.

In a pre-tape, Mike Tenay speaks to Disco Inferno of all people. He wants to be in the spotlight as he's making a comeback and TNA needs him. Scotty Steiner walks on and mutters something to him, and Disco is afraid. Russo please stop finding new ways to hurt me.

Match#2 Awesome Kong vs Taylor Madison
She's now Awesome, so fuck yeah. She beats the living hell out of Skye with her sick punches and power stuff, and it's the best squash TNA has given us in a long damn time. She wins with the Powerbomb.
**

In the back, Nash says he can be an asshole and play the comedic role when he's needed, but Kurt is going to find out there's some still Diesel in his tank. Karen walks on and tries to talk to him, but he says she lives and dies with Kurt, and he's done.

In the back, Chris Harris and Rhino are facing Beer Money, but there's issues between them as Chris is mad at him for showing up late and being drunk. Rhino asks if he's got a problem, and Harris smiles and says the fight is out there. Yeah, sure turn him heel and kill him off some more. Damage is done.

Match#3 James Storm & Robert Roode vs Chris Harris & Rhino
Nice to see Rhino recovered from knocking himself silly at the PPV. He's a fun house of fire as always against Storm, and a newish fight with Roode. The heels manage to isolate him as Harris isn't being helpful at all. Good little control seg as this match is only 5 minutes because we needed Disco on here. Harris gets the hot tag and it sucks as all the fire is gone and he no longer gives a crap. Things break down and Storm slips in a kick to Harris, and Roode hits the Payoff to win.
3/4*

Post match, Harris and Rhino argue.

In the back, Kaz talks about all the losers he's been stuck with and now its time for the K A Z. to party.

It's time for the Parade of Champions as Jim and Mike are ready to present the titles to the new champs. Jay Lethal comes out first despite having retained and everyone is very confused, but happy to see him. Jim congratulates him on winning and shakes his hand as he never got to formally do it. Jay then leaves, and Gail comes out next to collect her title. She thanks the fans for all their support and whatnot, and leaves. AJ and Tomko come out next as Jim says despite how he feels, they've earned this. Tomko says he had his doubts but they did it baby. AJ thanks Ivan Drago, Pokemon Diamond which is freaking awesome. Kip James for keeping it real at 50. Cage gets mad that they didn't thank him, and Corny says he's not a champion so why he is here. Cage says because he's the real champion and he wants that final spot tonight. Jim says Joe also wants it, so the right thing to do is to make a match between them with the winner getting the spot. Everyone leaves the scene as Sting now comes out to get his title.

Jim says he's known him for 21 years and the match against Kurt was the most brutal he's ever seen, and the moron fans chant he's still got it at him. Jim gives him the title, and Sting shouts he's still got it. Mike asks if he accepts the match with Kurt, and Sting asks the fans who cheer for it so he says it's showtime. Kurt now comes out in a wheelchair and is helped to be wheeled down to the ring. Kurt says he's for a DR's note stating he has serious trauma to the spine and there will be no match tonight, but he'll take him up on his offer next week. Sting tells him to bring the chair next week because he's going to cripple him for real.

In the back, Kurt is very upset about all of this and can't understand why Sting is so mad at him.

Match#4 Lance Hoyt w/Jimmy Rave & Christy Hemme vs Kaz (Fight For the Right Quarterfinals)
2003 offence vs lame big man offence meet in a battle to fight. Mostly not good as Kaz does his lame stuff and Hoyt also does lame offence, so it can't even meet in the middle of mediocrity. Kaz wins with his bad running kick
1/2*

In the back, Rikishi talks about the new breed in TNA being him. hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha. He calls Robert Roode a jabroni and then calls him Rick Rude as he buries some more like an asshole.

In the back, Karen asks Black Reign if he's seen Kevin Nash, and Reign brings out the rat and scares her away.

Match#5 Abyss vs Disco Inferno
Holy shit, this episode has been terrible, and this really stamps that down. Short terrible squash.
1/6*

Black Reign runs down and hits him from behind and they have a terrible fight. Mitchell comes down and is nearly killed, but Dustin saves with his hammer to knock Abyss down. He cuffs him to the ropes as Abyss is busted open. Dustin gets the poor little rat out of the cage and puts it in a plastic bag and sticks it on Abyss' face. I really hope someone reported these fucking dickheads for animal abuse.

In the carpark, Kurt tries to talk to Nash, but he drives away as Kurt shouts that he'll buy him porn.

Match#6 Christian Cage vs Samoa Joe (Winner joins the Fight For Your Right)
Cage jumps Joe during his intro and we get another fantastic fight for a few minutes as it goes the way it always does between these two. Chops, insane hard shots and Cage sneaking in whatever he can as to not get killed. Joe mauls the fuck out of him and never stops despite Cage getting in big shots here or there. They fight on the apron, and Cage drops him neck first onto it to hurt him again after the PPV, and he goes to work in a fun control seg beating the hell out of his head. Joe makes his comeback and catches him with an Ace Crusher as Cage does the rare flying nothing for a guy as good as he is. They move into the finishing run and it's short but good as hell as these two aren't missing. The ref is bumped and Joe hits the Muscle Buster. Joe fights off the tag champs with the help of Morgan. Joe gets the choke on, but Robert Roode comes down and hits him across the back with a chair and Cage rolls on top to win.
**3/4

We get a shot of Roode on top of the ramp saying it's his time.

HORRIBLE episode.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Sting-14/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion-Gail Kim-14/10/07

TNA Impact
October 25th, 2007
Impact Zone

TONIGHT; STING VS KURT FOR THE WORLDS TITLE. MORE FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHT.

in the back, Kurt, JB and Karen are waiting for Nash. Kurt kisses up and tries to fix things as they're like brothers and he needs him in the corner tonight. He gives him a bag and Nash asks if it's a mix tape. It's a singed pic of Kurt, and Nash says it's not the NWO or his buddy Scott Hall because that's real. He's looking forward to seeing Sting kick his ass.

Match#1 LAX & The Steiner Brothers vs AJ Styles, Tomko & Voodoo Kin Mafia
Jesus dude, just give me LAX getting their title match and rid TNA of these old men. We get some truly putrid work between the old teams and it's sooooo bad, and even more so when you've got so much talent on the outside of the ring. The good wrestlers finally get to do stuff and it's loads of fun as they're going as wild as they can with the small amount they've been given. It all breaks down and Roxxi spits something into Hernandez's eyes and he gets hit with the Fammaser, but he actually kicks out. Ci gets a slapjack and knocks BG out and throws the big man on top to win. So, they can't even win clean??? Fuck off.
1/2*

In the back, Sting cries more about his kid being hurt. Doooooooon't give a shit.

In the back, Karen also cries because Sting is a pissed off parent and he's going to hurt him bad, and now Nash won't save him. Kurt tells Karen to seduce him because sex and money is all Kevin cares about, and he's not about to give up a penny. Karen is not happy about this, but Kurt says he'll get over it if he bites. Karen is mad but goes to do it. Kurt asks if that was wrong, and JB says Nash won't mind. Kurt says that's all that matters.

Match#2 James Storm w/Miss Jackie vs Eric Young (Fight for the Right Quarterfinals)
Storm refuses to let EY do anything funny and beats his ass. Lots of shit talking and good heel work, and EY is good at doing actual serious work when called upon. EY makes a comeback and bounces him around, but Storm catches him with a kick and hits a Backstabber to cut him off. EY fights back again, so Jackie tries to help and Storm gets sent into her to knock her out cold. EY is sad, so Storm sneaks around and nails the Superkick to win.
**

Post match, Jackie tries to give EY a beer, but Storm steals it away. Jackie asks Storm to do the right thing for once, and he actually tosses it back to EY who downs it.

In Kevin's lockeroom, Karen tries to seduce him (with JB standing right there). Kevin says he's wanted this for so long and he doesn't care if the camera is there he's going to make sweet love to her. He drops her on the couch and says all her implants don't change the fact she's an Angle. She lives and dies in his bed, so hit the bricks. JB asks if he's ok, and Nash says nothing a cold shower won't fix. DEAD.

In a pre-tape, 3D bitch about getting the short end of the stick since they got here, and now they're going to fix the wrong by unloading havoc. Mike asks why they're focused on the X-Division now, and Bubba says he wants to vomit on his face so shut up. Mike has been signing the praises of the division for 5 years when they don't bring anything to the table. They're a bunch of little boys in the man's world of pro wrestling. 3D put wrestling on the map, and everyone X wrestler deserves to not have a job. Mike asks why the Guns, and Bubba says because those punk asses cost them the match against The Steiner's. They're taking it out on them and all their little boyfriends until they're all done. They're doing it because they can.

Match#3 Sonjay Dutt vs Shark Boy vs Petey Willams vs Havoc
Sharky is now wearing a neckbrace and has his arm all taped up due to all the attacks on him over the last few months. Two minutes of some dives and fine stuff, and then 3D attack everyone for the DQ.
1/4*

Bubba talks shit on the mic and attacks everyone with a cane. He hits them all across the head and face in a gross way to do it, and fuck yeah get violent if you're going to go that way. He whips Sharky in the balls with his belt, and then shouts they're going destroy the division. They get the tables out and powerbomb Havoc and Petey through them. This is the best possible use of 3D if they have to stay working here.

In the back, Roode is asked why he attacked Joe, and he says because it's business and some don't appreciate how he does that. What matters is the TNA worlds championship, and he's sick of seeing the same people on TV every week like Kurt, Sting and Joe. He's taking out the top dogs. He brings up Fatu's promo last week and tells him to look at the camera and remember his name. It pays to be Roode.

Match#4 Sting (c) vs Kurt Angle w/Karen Angle (TNA Worlds Heavyweight Championship)
I guess the restraining order is over now because Sting is very dumb. Also, this being at the top of the hour lets us know some bullshit is about to hit. Sting again takes it slow and in no way wrestles or fights like an angry dad, so he's messing up the easiest story ever. They go on the mat and Sting can now control with a basic headlock because Kurt can't wrestle this week, i guess. He keeps grabbing it whenever Kurt fights out, and Mike is in shock that Sting is able to do this. Yeah, me too. Kurt finally backdrops this old man on his head and starts breaking out uppercuts and beats him down, and it's way better than the awful PPV control seg he had. Sting cuts him off with a spinebuster and starts doing his fun offence and the match actually picks up. Nash comes out to watch now and sits at ringside. Kurt and Sting keep beating the crap out of each other, and Sting counters the Angle Slam into a gross DDT to send Angle onto his face. Sting drops him with awesome lariats and knocks him to the floor for a fight on the outside. Kurt shoves Sting into Nash's lap, and Sting turns around and punches Nash in the face like a dick. Sting gets Kurt back in and nails the Splash, but the second one is caught with a German when he misses. Nash gets back up and is conflicted and sad. Kurt gets the Angle Lock on, but Sting counters into the Death Lock. Nash gets in, but Sting punches him, and Kurt knocks them into each other and the ref. He hits the Angle Slam and Hebner runs down to make the 3. Yeah, fuck you Sting.
**1/2

Post match, Nash gets in and offers his hand to Kurt, and Angle flips him off and walks away. Kevin is PISSED and storms away. In the ring, the refs shove each other and argue about the finish, and Corny now comes out to calm it down. We come back with Mike ranting about this being contrived and how Sting should be champion. Jim says he's taking the referees to the back so they can watch the footage and he's going to decide what the result really is. Mike gets up and yells at Jim that there is nothing to review, AND JIM GETS IN HIS FACE AND TELLS HIM THIS IS A BIG ENOUGH MESS WITHOUT HIM GETTING INVOLVED. SO SIT DOWN, SHUT UP AND DO YOUR JOB. FUCK YEAH JIM. He leaves as Mike looks like he's about to cry.

Match#5 Awesome Kong vs Angel Williams
Mike refuses to talk as DW keeps asking for his thoughts on Kong, and it's amazing as hell. Mike finally speaks and cries about Jim being mad at him, and he leaves to go and find Corny. What an unprofessional asshole. Anyway, Kong beats the crap out of Love and kills her dead with the Powerbomb.
*3/4

DW recaps the attack on Abyss last week, but we get cut pff to find Abyss chasing after Mitchell backstage. Dustin attacks him from behind and breaks something over his head and stabs him with his hammer. They tape his hands and put his head into a vice, and they crush it Casino style. Sadly, Abyss' eye doesn't pop out, but respect for paying homage to a classic.

Kevin walks into Jim's office and says he's got bigger problems than Kurt and Sting as now he's pissed off. He can do this the easy way by giving him Kurt, or he can put his head through a wall. Morgan tries to fight him, but Jim breaks it up and says he's going to address this problem after he reviews the finish, and this is partially Kevin's responsibility for being out there in the first place. Kevin says than he'll be partially responsible if Jim doesn't make this happen.

Christian comes out for the main event with his ladder and joins DW on commentary, and this might be the best duo in TNA history.

Match#6 Robert Roode w/Ms Brooks vs Junior Fatu (Fight for the Right Tournament)
This is thankfully Fatu's last match as he asked/demanded more money, and for once TNA was smart enough not to do it. Cage is AMAZING on commentary as he talks about Fatu being super fat, but he could be good at climbing ladders because he lived in a tree when he was a kid. Mind like a steel trap, baby. Fatu's early work is terrible as hell, but Roode's got his working boots on and does all he can to help this goofball out. We come back from the break with Roode still doing the bulk of the work. He hits a Blockbuster to stop him, but Kish no sells and goes back to beating him up like a scrub. Roode keeps bumping and dying for him, and we get lots of shots of a very happy Brooks at ringside. They do a horrible comedy spot where the ref gets bumped in the corner and then Roode gets kicked into him, and Kish stink faces them both. Roode gets free and hits him in the dick and gets a chair, but Joe cuts him off and knocks him out cold and Kish hits the island Driver to win.
*1/2

Joe chases after Cage.

We go to the back where Nash is also chasing Kurt. Angle jumps in a car and drives away leaving Karen alone.
Jim and Mike now come down to the ring, and Jim says sorry for yelling at him. Corny explains both the refs are in disagreement with who won and who is the champion. Jim says for now, Kurt is worlds champion. Mike is very sad again, so Jim says he's making a match at the Genesis. It will be Kurt & Kevin Nash vs Sting and a partner with the title on the line. Sting now comes out through the darkness and says he's coming up with his own qualified partner, and Jim reminds him the title is on the line so be careful with who he picks. Sting says Kurt isn't making it to the PPV.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

TNA World Heavyweight Campion: Kurt Angle-25/10/07
TNA X-Division Champions: Jay Lethal-9/9/07
TNA World Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Tomko-14/10/07
TNA Knockouts Champion-Gail Kim-14/10/07

TNA Impact
November 1st, 2007
Impact Zone

TONIGHT; AJ & TOMKO VS LAX FOR THE TAG TITLES. FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHTS TO FIGHT.

New worlds champion Kurt Angle makes his way out with Karen, and they're met with boos and Angle Sucks chants. Kurt says what a way to treat a beloved champion by putting him in a 3 on 1 situation. Kevin wants to rip his throat out, Sting is an angry father, and there's a mystery man. He says Kevin is a cripple whose been riding his coattails all year, and now Jim is giving him a title shot that doesn't make sense. Sting is a stay at home PTA mum with a kid he had to slap around a bit. Why can't Sting just tell him who the partner is?? Kurt yells at the crowd, and now Sting comes out on the stage. Kurt says the mystery comes to an end because he's got TWO degrees that make him a genius along with watching CSI, so he can crack a case. He's going to find out who the partner is. Sting says his partner is world calibre and has been a world champion in WCW and WWE, and Kurt rubbed him in the wrong way before. Kurt says everyone loves him, and Nash comes out and says he doesn't love him at all. He tells him not to worry about Sting's partner, he needs to worry about him because this is just getting heated up. Kurt tells him to bring it, and Kev walks down. and Kurt runs away but backs into Sting who kicks his ass as well. They double team him and send him running, and blackshirts break it up before Sting and Nash can fight.

Match#1 James Storm w/Miss Jackie vs Kaz (Fight For Your Right-Semifinals)
Only two minutes as Kurt again takes more time away from matches as TNA has no clue how to actually put on a 2hr show. Still, Kaz hits a great dive, and Storm is game for a fight and turns into exactly that at a breakneck speed. Kaz gets dropped a few times but is able to kick out and shows heart, so Storm hits him even harder now. Storm misses a charge in the corner, and Kaz gets a cradle to win.
*3/4

EY comes out with a sixer of beer and gives one to Storm, and he downs it. Storm hands a beer over to him and EY finishes it even quicker than Storm did. James skulls another one, and challenges EY to do it again. THEY GRAB THE LAST TWO AND DRINK THEM AT THE SAME TIME AND STORM MAYBE WINS, BUT IT'S SUPER CLOSE. They smile at each other and leave. This rules.

In the back, Kurt and Karen are arguing like always as Kurt is smoking and says this is how they do it at Gwatama bay, and Karen has to correct him. Kurt doesn't know where it is, and but he needs to know who Sting's partner is, so light up and shut up. Karen says she's got business to take care of.

We go to a pre-tape with Nash. He says he's on Team Nash as he's got a chance to win the title, and its him against the other 3 guys. The interviewer brings up the fact he hasn't wrestled in a year, and Kevin says its like riding a bike and he can do this. He says he's got phone calls out there, and he'll know by tonight who the partner is.

3D come out and try to lead a this is awesome chant, and hey that chant is awful so hell yeah. He says they don't know why they say it, but they do it anyway during X-Division matches. The only match was awesome was the wrestling match they had with the Guns mum's in the hotel rooms. The division is 100 pound little boys, and he's taken craps bigger than them. He brings up star ratings and says they're the only stars around here. He then turns his attention to the keyboard warriors who are also little boys who couldn't hack in a man's world. He again says they're going to destroy it because they can, and the Guns now come out and tell them to shut up. Alex says Bubba is talking about things he hates like low carb diet, exercise and the X-Division. Well, news flash tons of fun, they hate them as well. He calls them bullies and they're going to stand up to them. They do the hand signal and call Bubba a fat pig, and they say they're going to slap the taste out of their mouths. D-Von tells them to slap this, and Bubba shouts yeah take that. D-Von says they're going to end this tonight they way they do it, so they go and get the tables but none are there. All the X-Division guys come out with the tables on the stage as Bubba demands they give them back. All the X-Divison guys jump them from behind for a big brawl. 3D get their asses handed to them in such a fantastic sight to see. 3D manage to escape before they go through the tables. Shelley gets the mic and says it sucks to be attacked by behind, but at the PPV they will have no choice but to fight them face to face. They're the guns and they're made in Detroit.

In the back, Kurt is interviewing Jay Lethal, and he keeps talking about Warrior and Roberts as he freaks out. So Cal walk on and they look at each other!!

In the back, Christy yells at Jimmy and Lance for being gross losers, and hey that's not nice. Jimmy dubs them the "Rock N Rave Infection" and Christy hates it, but Lance thinks it's perfect. Christy tells him he's not getting any tonight, and leaves.

Match#2 Awesome Kong vs Christy Hemme w/Rock N Rave
Fuck yeah, Kong does it again with another sick squash. She cripples her back with a nasty rack for a minute of so and just CRUSHES her over and over. She hits a motherfucker of a backfist before the Powebomb ends another one.
**

In the back, EY is listening behind a door of Sting's lock room, and he thinks he can hear who the partner is.

In the interview room, Kurt says he really likes Roode as he's got something that catches his eyes. He loves the way he slaps that animal Joe around, and he likes how he treats women. Roode says you've got be the boss and show them whose the boss because they're all crazy. Bobby asks where his wife is, and Kurt asks if he means Karen, and Bobby shouts yes at him. He tells Kurt she's screwing around on him and he needs to be the boss. Kurt asks JB where she is, and now thinks Roode might be right.

In the back, Dustin Rhodes has no makeup on and is sad about all the bad things he done, and how it's made him mad. He says Black Reigns has nightmares, and Abyss runs on and beats the shit out of him. He tosses him through a wall and batters the shit out of him. He picks up a box and smashes it over Dustin's head, and takes a key out and throws it on Dustin's dead body.

In the back, Chris Harris is now with Kurt, and he bitches about the same guys being on TV every week and how his family drama dominates TV while he's busting his ass. Kurt yells he's worse than his wife.

We come back to VKM now being interviewed by Kurt, and Kip asks if he's smelling him, and Kurt denies it but then indeed smells him. He asks about his ass and the marriage with Chuck, and says there's no place on wrestling for that. Kip gets mad, but BG calms it down and says they can talk if he wants. BG asks if this has anyting to do with Kurt's dad, and Kurt cries and says he never said he loved him. BG hugs him and shrugs as they sneak out. That's messed up, poor Kurt.

In the back, Christian finds out that Fatu is not here for his match, and Cage says this place is a joke with Kurt playing Reno 99. How come he doesn't get a bye into the finals and gets stuck with a mystery challenger. He says he'll slap Morgan if he finds out if he's behind this, on second thought he'll get Tomko to do it. Cage realises neither AJ or Tomko are there, so he runs off to find them.

Nash is on the phone and doesn't like what he's being told.

Match#3 Samoa Joe & Gail Kim vs Robert Roode & Ms Brooks
Roode refuses to fight and throws Brooks in so he can attack Joe, but Joe catches him and smokes him for his crimes as of late. The ladies get in and that's bad as always as Brooks can't wrestle, and Gail can't or won't carry her. The dudes finally get back and we get more awesome fighting and hate, and it's so damn fun. Joe gets the choke on as Brooks watches on and cheers him, but then tries to help. Joe scares her away and lets Gail beat her up more. Gail wins with a bad cradle.
*

in the ring, Roode yells at her and demands she quit as he doesn't give a crap about her mother. Gail gets in and defends her against this man, and she slaps the piss out of him. Joe rund down and beats Roode's ass and chases him into the crowd

WE COME BACK AND JOE'S FACE IS A BLOODY MESS AND THE CAMER IS COVERED IN HIS BLOOD. HOLY SHIT. ROODE ATTACKS HIM, BUT JOE BEATS THE FUCK OUT OF HIM AS HIS ENTIRE HEAD IS COVERED. WE SEE THAT ROODE RAMMED HIM INTO THE STEPS TO OPEN HIM UP, AND IT'S A GODDMN GUSHER. BLACKSHIRTS FINALLY BREAK IT UP.

In the back, Love and Skye go into Kurt's room as the Beautiful People have been born. Kurt gets confused and can't talk, but they tell him that EY knows who the partner is. Kurt gets JB to give them his hotel room key and says to meet him there. They make Kurt leave and then knee JB in the balls and leave. Kurt asks who is it, and JB says "pain" and Kurt asks if he means the Powers of Pain. JB says no he's got pain, and Kurt tells him to wear a condom when picking up women.

Chris Harris is facing Christian.

Match#4 Christian Cage vs Chris Harris (Fight For Your Right-Semifinals)
Hell yeah. Harris is bad now, but Cage makes him work hard and fight him like a few months ago, and it rocks because it's simple and he can't fuck it up. Harris does show fire to his credit, but it's Cage bumping like crazy and eating dirt for him that makes it. He really pinablls himself and sells his ass off, and it's a reminder of how he's actually the best wrestler in the company not named AJ, and i'm not even sure if that's the case anymore. They fight on the apron, and Cage breaks out the sick kick he did on Joe to send Harris flying to floor to take over. We come back to Harris trying to fight back as TNA messes up by not showing us Cage's full control seg, but we do at least get a short awesome version of what the PPV match gave us. Harris makes a proper comeback and it's not too shabby thanks to Cage once again. They move into the final run and Cage once more changes things up and keeps it brand new. Harris hits an Unprettier of his own for a near fall. They fight some more and Christian pulls down on a cradle and grabs the ropes to steal the win.
**3/4

Post match, Cage uses his ladder to crack Harris' face and climbs to the top of it and kills him with the Frog Splash. Fuck yeah.

It's now Kaz vs Cage in the finals.

In the back, Kevin is very upset and says he needs to talk to Kurt.

In the back, Kurt has EY tied up and is beating up trying to get the answer. EY says it's the Shockmaster, and Kurt hits him with a phone book like he's Vic Mackey.

On the screen, Black Reign says he's coming for Abyss and the nightmare is about to be unleashed.

Match#5 AJ Styles & Tomko (c) vs LAX (TNA Worlds Tag Team Championship)
Hernandez smokes AJ to start and gets him angrier and angrier, so Tomko has to try and clean up but he gets his ass kicked as well. Ci hits the Tope Con Hilo, AND HE FIST BUMPS DW. YEAH MAN. Ci fights AJ some more and it rocks so much. AJ slips in a low blow to cut him off as the big dudes are fighting on the outside and the ref trying to break it up. Tomko gets in and beats the shit out of him in a really great control seg. AJ uses the dropkick to crack Ci's skull and beats him down as well, and it's a shame this is not on PPV. Ci's attempted comeback all rule and the last one gets the big man in, and he lights them up as he's the best hot tag in the company at this point. He kill AJ with the crackerjack and fights Tomko for a power battle and wins out. They double team AJ and have him, but Tomko is able to make the save. Everyone fights and AJ tosses Ci to the floor, and Tomko takes Hernandez's head off with a gross lariat and AJ hits the 450 to win.
***

Post match, the heels attack LAX and beat the hell out of them and run off. The Steiner's attack them from behind. NO.

In the back, Kurt is yelling at Karen about where she's been, and Kevin walks on and says the partner is Scott Hall, and he's going to be here next week. Scott Hall in 2007 is the perfect and most trustworthy man they can hire. Yep, this won't end badly.