CTG's TNA Impact 07/15/10 Review
Updated top ten contenders opens the show. This is followed by Abyss coming to the ring with the nailboard and a side of beef. We find out the nailboard is named Janice. Abyss talking about "them" and "they" having a plan for him. And now he's beating his meat. Seriously. And the Impact crowd is chanting "beat that meat". Abyss breaks Janice and in a moment of brilliant stupidity starts biting at the meat. At one point you can actually see him almost get disgusted and spit it out but amazingly he remains in character. I do like that they've gotten Abyss away from the whiny pussy character he was playing for the past half year and back to the psychopath Abyss.
We are then immediately taken to a backstage brawl between Sarita and Taylor Wilde. Quick question-when did Taylor Wilde get breast implants? Seriously I don't remember her looking that well enhanced. Taylor Wilde throws a sign at Sarita and completely misses by at least two feet. Moar brawling through the Impact Zone. An armbar. They actually used a wrestling hold in a street fight. We break and come back and now they're inside the arena still fighting. The bell rings and now I guess the street fight is now officially...a street fight. You remember back in WCW when they would have the hardcore title matches and they would start in the back and eventually end up in the ring? This was one of those matches. Sarita takes a pretty nasty chair shot to the chairshot to the face and chest. And of course Mike Tenay completely no sells it. Like if this had been WWE and the divas did something like that they would have sold it like they just legit murdered somebody. Moar brawling. Caaaaaat Fiiiiiight. Facebuster on the outside. At least they actually used two of the knockouts that can actually work for this street fight. Sarita choking Taylor Wilde with a purse strap and Taz actually says "you can get fired for that in some companies". I really can't take a knockout serious as a heel when their name is Sarita. Hopefully she changes names soon (Dark Angel plz). Anyway the street fight was actually quite good by women's standards.
Rating: 2 Grenades
RVD walks and talks to himself backstage. A break and Miss Tesswhocares is in Bischoff's office. Nash comes in and he has an appointment. Kevin Nash, the same guy who terrorized WCW and did whatever he wanted whenever he wanted to whomever he wanted, has a fucking appointment. Once again Bischoff and Hogan have blown Kevin Nash off.
Second match is a non title I quit match between Douglas Williams and Brian Kendrick. WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I quit matches are generally saved for blowoff matches to truly heated feuds and happen on a fucking payperview not on free tv. Second WCW reference of the day-On Nitro or Thunder Norman Smiley had an I quit match against MI Smooth. During the match MI Smooth had the mic and was saying "Come on say it. I quit. I quit." and he lost the match. I'm surprised they didn't do something like that here. After every single move the referee sticks the microphone in their face. Williams uses a single leg crab. Kendrick makes the comeback and locks on the cobra clutch and Williams quits.
Rating: 2 and 1/2 Grenades
Nash comes out and chokeslams Kendrick. Nash speaks on this. Nash says when he dies he won't be replaced (God I hope so). Nash is complaining about not getting TV time and threatens to beat up young boys. Jeff Jarrett comes out and we have a nice back and forth between Nash and Jarrett. Jeff Jarrett calls Kevin Nash an egotistical son of a bitch. Nash says a lot of people consider him the greatest worker of all time (and I guarantee all those people wear helmets, rode the short bus to school and shit their pants until the age of 40) Nash asks a legitimate question about why Jarrett is sticking up for Bischoff and Hogan. Backstage Nash says Hogan and Bischoff treat Jarrett like a bitch and he still sticks up for them. And really I'd like to know the answer to that question myself.
Third match is Rob Terry vs. Samoa Joe vs. Desmond Wolfe. Gee I wonder who's gonna job in this one. Magnus comes out on commentary and apparently he's doing a ladies man gimmick. Samoa Joe and Rob Terry facing off. Desmond Wolfe takes control of the match going after the leg of Terry. Rob Terry makes the comeback but gets a kick from Samoa Joe. Joe locks in the coquina clutch and Desmond Wolfe jobs for the 239080908th time.
Rating: 2 and 1/2 Grenades
Ric Flair is gonna make a big announcement. What is it with this company and big announcements?
Fourth Match is the first match in a best of five series between Beer Money and the Machine Guns. And it's a ladder match. Ok just to recap we have seen a street fight, an I quit match, and a ladder match. All on free tv. Really good match that they're actually giving time to. I expected this match to be edited down to like 3 minutes. Guns and Beer Money have such good tag chemistry. This match is really too good to be given away on free tv. Although more people will probably see it on Spike TV than on PPV. The guns hoppity hop the ladder back to the center. Guns grab the contract but the referee doesn't see it and Storm uses the beer bottle and picks up the contract as Earl Hebner sees it and calls for the bell.
Rating: 3 and 1/2 Grenades
Abyss is doing his best Gallager impression smashing a watermelon backstage.
Fifth match is Matt Morgan vs. The Pope D'Angelo Dinero. Windmill back elbows by Morgan. Pope hits the DDE for the win. Very short match.
Rating: 1 Grenade
After the match Morgan attacks the Pope completely no selling the DDE. Ok if you're gonna do something like that don't use an actual finisher to end the match. Use a schoolboy or a small package. Otherwise you kill the effectiveness of the finisher. Morgan goes for the post boot but Mr. Anderson comes out. To the surprise of no one Anderson saves Dinero after making Morgan think he was gonna help him. Anderson wants to shake the Pope's hand. Pope refuses.
Backstage the beautiful people minus Madison are talking. Velvet is upset about Madison Rayne bringing in a fourth member. In the ring Madison Rayne is upset about losing the knockouts title. What chants by the cast members. Madison demands the title back or she will sue TNA for everything it's worth. Must...resist...joke. Velvet Sky and Lacey come out. velvet yells at Madison. Madison says Velvet's been taking her dumb blonde pills (I'm guessing Lacey OD'd on them). Moar clucking by the bimbo hens. They almost come to blows but Angelina Love comes out and claims the in-fighting is all an act. Love says Velvet has fake tits (pot. meet kettle. maybe you can talk about your comparative blackness). Velvet allows Angelina to have a go at Madison as she and Lacey fuck off to the back. Caaaaaat fiiiiiiiggghhhttt. Motorcycle lady comes back and attacks Angelina. Madison and biker bitch ride off. I really don't know why they are doing this. I mean is this gonna lead to Tara revealing it was her and the plan all along was to cause the Beautiful People to start fighting and split up due to mistrust?
Jeff Hardy cuts a promo about his match against Lethal. Blah.
Jay Lethal vs. Jeff Hardy is the main event. Hey look the ECW guys are out again. Hardy connects with Whisper in the wind. Hardy hits the wishbone leg drop. Lethal counters the flip up dropkick in the corner. Missile dropkick gets two for Lethal. Hardy hits the twist of fate and swanton for the three. Ok match.
Rating: 2 and 1/2 Grenades.
Ric Flair shocks nobody and announces Kaz and Styles as the first two members of Fortune. Kaz is looking an awful lot like John Morrison. Wolfe comes out and wants to be a member of Fortune. Abyss comes out and clears everyone out. Abyss calls out RVD. RVD's shitty music hits and out he comes. Abyss says they are coming and they are taking over. Abyss announces a ladder match for the nailboard. RVD talks about the belt and challenges before smacking him with the belt. Abyss and RVD fight. Abyss hits the chokeslam. Foley comes out at the entrance. The ECW guys enter and start tearing shit up. A group of past their prime former stars all of which are on the wrong side of 40 are whipping the shit out of the entire TNA roster. Police come out and break things up and Dixie Carter in less than five seconds kills the entire angle by saying she invited them. Ok an invasion angle generally works better when you use people that the fans don't know are working with the company. Also an invasion angle works better when the fucking wrestlers haven't been standing in front of the fucking camera for 15 minutes and actually appear out of nowhere. This was fucking...awful. I mean just holy fuck this was so terrible. This was completely rushed and disjointed. i'd like to share a statistic with you. The total TV time given to the Beautiful People and their segment was 9 minutes and 30 seconds. The total TV time given to the invasion angle, from the time Foley walks out to the end was...4 minutes and 20 seconds. Do I even need to explain how stupid this is? The Beautiful People segment should have been shorter than the big invasion angle. Another thing about this segment-why would Dixie Carter be upset about the TNA Roster fighting back against the invaders when the invaders were the ones that started the fight in the first place? TNA will fuck up any good angle they try to do. Idiots.
Final Thoughts: If they would have given more time to the Invasion Angle this could have been a really good episode. I do have to question them giving away three big stipulation matches for free on Impact. Especially considering we're leading into Hard Justice which is generally their big stipulation payperview. Basically it makes people think "Why should I pay to watch a street fight or a ladder match when I just saw one for free on Impact?" Flat ass fucking backwards logic.
Overall Rating: 2 and 1/2 Grenades
Updated top ten contenders opens the show. This is followed by Abyss coming to the ring with the nailboard and a side of beef. We find out the nailboard is named Janice. Abyss talking about "them" and "they" having a plan for him. And now he's beating his meat. Seriously. And the Impact crowd is chanting "beat that meat". Abyss breaks Janice and in a moment of brilliant stupidity starts biting at the meat. At one point you can actually see him almost get disgusted and spit it out but amazingly he remains in character. I do like that they've gotten Abyss away from the whiny pussy character he was playing for the past half year and back to the psychopath Abyss.
We are then immediately taken to a backstage brawl between Sarita and Taylor Wilde. Quick question-when did Taylor Wilde get breast implants? Seriously I don't remember her looking that well enhanced. Taylor Wilde throws a sign at Sarita and completely misses by at least two feet. Moar brawling through the Impact Zone. An armbar. They actually used a wrestling hold in a street fight. We break and come back and now they're inside the arena still fighting. The bell rings and now I guess the street fight is now officially...a street fight. You remember back in WCW when they would have the hardcore title matches and they would start in the back and eventually end up in the ring? This was one of those matches. Sarita takes a pretty nasty chair shot to the chairshot to the face and chest. And of course Mike Tenay completely no sells it. Like if this had been WWE and the divas did something like that they would have sold it like they just legit murdered somebody. Moar brawling. Caaaaaat Fiiiiiight. Facebuster on the outside. At least they actually used two of the knockouts that can actually work for this street fight. Sarita choking Taylor Wilde with a purse strap and Taz actually says "you can get fired for that in some companies". I really can't take a knockout serious as a heel when their name is Sarita. Hopefully she changes names soon (Dark Angel plz). Anyway the street fight was actually quite good by women's standards.
Rating: 2 Grenades
RVD walks and talks to himself backstage. A break and Miss Tesswhocares is in Bischoff's office. Nash comes in and he has an appointment. Kevin Nash, the same guy who terrorized WCW and did whatever he wanted whenever he wanted to whomever he wanted, has a fucking appointment. Once again Bischoff and Hogan have blown Kevin Nash off.
Second match is a non title I quit match between Douglas Williams and Brian Kendrick. WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I quit matches are generally saved for blowoff matches to truly heated feuds and happen on a fucking payperview not on free tv. Second WCW reference of the day-On Nitro or Thunder Norman Smiley had an I quit match against MI Smooth. During the match MI Smooth had the mic and was saying "Come on say it. I quit. I quit." and he lost the match. I'm surprised they didn't do something like that here. After every single move the referee sticks the microphone in their face. Williams uses a single leg crab. Kendrick makes the comeback and locks on the cobra clutch and Williams quits.
Rating: 2 and 1/2 Grenades
Nash comes out and chokeslams Kendrick. Nash speaks on this. Nash says when he dies he won't be replaced (God I hope so). Nash is complaining about not getting TV time and threatens to beat up young boys. Jeff Jarrett comes out and we have a nice back and forth between Nash and Jarrett. Jeff Jarrett calls Kevin Nash an egotistical son of a bitch. Nash says a lot of people consider him the greatest worker of all time (and I guarantee all those people wear helmets, rode the short bus to school and shit their pants until the age of 40) Nash asks a legitimate question about why Jarrett is sticking up for Bischoff and Hogan. Backstage Nash says Hogan and Bischoff treat Jarrett like a bitch and he still sticks up for them. And really I'd like to know the answer to that question myself.
Third match is Rob Terry vs. Samoa Joe vs. Desmond Wolfe. Gee I wonder who's gonna job in this one. Magnus comes out on commentary and apparently he's doing a ladies man gimmick. Samoa Joe and Rob Terry facing off. Desmond Wolfe takes control of the match going after the leg of Terry. Rob Terry makes the comeback but gets a kick from Samoa Joe. Joe locks in the coquina clutch and Desmond Wolfe jobs for the 239080908th time.
Rating: 2 and 1/2 Grenades
Ric Flair is gonna make a big announcement. What is it with this company and big announcements?
Fourth Match is the first match in a best of five series between Beer Money and the Machine Guns. And it's a ladder match. Ok just to recap we have seen a street fight, an I quit match, and a ladder match. All on free tv. Really good match that they're actually giving time to. I expected this match to be edited down to like 3 minutes. Guns and Beer Money have such good tag chemistry. This match is really too good to be given away on free tv. Although more people will probably see it on Spike TV than on PPV. The guns hoppity hop the ladder back to the center. Guns grab the contract but the referee doesn't see it and Storm uses the beer bottle and picks up the contract as Earl Hebner sees it and calls for the bell.
Rating: 3 and 1/2 Grenades
Abyss is doing his best Gallager impression smashing a watermelon backstage.
Fifth match is Matt Morgan vs. The Pope D'Angelo Dinero. Windmill back elbows by Morgan. Pope hits the DDE for the win. Very short match.
Rating: 1 Grenade
After the match Morgan attacks the Pope completely no selling the DDE. Ok if you're gonna do something like that don't use an actual finisher to end the match. Use a schoolboy or a small package. Otherwise you kill the effectiveness of the finisher. Morgan goes for the post boot but Mr. Anderson comes out. To the surprise of no one Anderson saves Dinero after making Morgan think he was gonna help him. Anderson wants to shake the Pope's hand. Pope refuses.
Backstage the beautiful people minus Madison are talking. Velvet is upset about Madison Rayne bringing in a fourth member. In the ring Madison Rayne is upset about losing the knockouts title. What chants by the cast members. Madison demands the title back or she will sue TNA for everything it's worth. Must...resist...joke. Velvet Sky and Lacey come out. velvet yells at Madison. Madison says Velvet's been taking her dumb blonde pills (I'm guessing Lacey OD'd on them). Moar clucking by the bimbo hens. They almost come to blows but Angelina Love comes out and claims the in-fighting is all an act. Love says Velvet has fake tits (pot. meet kettle. maybe you can talk about your comparative blackness). Velvet allows Angelina to have a go at Madison as she and Lacey fuck off to the back. Caaaaaat fiiiiiiiggghhhttt. Motorcycle lady comes back and attacks Angelina. Madison and biker bitch ride off. I really don't know why they are doing this. I mean is this gonna lead to Tara revealing it was her and the plan all along was to cause the Beautiful People to start fighting and split up due to mistrust?
Jeff Hardy cuts a promo about his match against Lethal. Blah.
Jay Lethal vs. Jeff Hardy is the main event. Hey look the ECW guys are out again. Hardy connects with Whisper in the wind. Hardy hits the wishbone leg drop. Lethal counters the flip up dropkick in the corner. Missile dropkick gets two for Lethal. Hardy hits the twist of fate and swanton for the three. Ok match.
Rating: 2 and 1/2 Grenades.
Ric Flair shocks nobody and announces Kaz and Styles as the first two members of Fortune. Kaz is looking an awful lot like John Morrison. Wolfe comes out and wants to be a member of Fortune. Abyss comes out and clears everyone out. Abyss calls out RVD. RVD's shitty music hits and out he comes. Abyss says they are coming and they are taking over. Abyss announces a ladder match for the nailboard. RVD talks about the belt and challenges before smacking him with the belt. Abyss and RVD fight. Abyss hits the chokeslam. Foley comes out at the entrance. The ECW guys enter and start tearing shit up. A group of past their prime former stars all of which are on the wrong side of 40 are whipping the shit out of the entire TNA roster. Police come out and break things up and Dixie Carter in less than five seconds kills the entire angle by saying she invited them. Ok an invasion angle generally works better when you use people that the fans don't know are working with the company. Also an invasion angle works better when the fucking wrestlers haven't been standing in front of the fucking camera for 15 minutes and actually appear out of nowhere. This was fucking...awful. I mean just holy fuck this was so terrible. This was completely rushed and disjointed. i'd like to share a statistic with you. The total TV time given to the Beautiful People and their segment was 9 minutes and 30 seconds. The total TV time given to the invasion angle, from the time Foley walks out to the end was...4 minutes and 20 seconds. Do I even need to explain how stupid this is? The Beautiful People segment should have been shorter than the big invasion angle. Another thing about this segment-why would Dixie Carter be upset about the TNA Roster fighting back against the invaders when the invaders were the ones that started the fight in the first place? TNA will fuck up any good angle they try to do. Idiots.
Final Thoughts: If they would have given more time to the Invasion Angle this could have been a really good episode. I do have to question them giving away three big stipulation matches for free on Impact. Especially considering we're leading into Hard Justice which is generally their big stipulation payperview. Basically it makes people think "Why should I pay to watch a street fight or a ladder match when I just saw one for free on Impact?" Flat ass fucking backwards logic.
Overall Rating: 2 and 1/2 Grenades
