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- Apr 23, 2016
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As a 15 year old and a guy who's whole reputation is based on being with countless girls and then moving on quicker then Zack Ryder's IC title reign you may find it a bit hard to think that I'm actually super fucking nervous around girls and I can't talk to them unless it is through a phone where I can't here there voice.
This little issue has led me to Googling a solution. I was first going to Ask Jeeves (Ask Jeeves - What's Your Question?) and use IE but after not being able to find the latter I gave up and just searched on Google.
The first link I clicked on was a dating advice post by Match.com (How to Talk to Girls You Don't Know), so it's the type you would want to use on the desperate girl, or just a girl you desperately want to try and woo. I read step 1 and I fell at the first hurdle. I have a fear of rejection that is psychologically wired into me stemming back to a girlfriend which I had when I was 5; so this no fear shit isn't going to really come with ease for myself. However, it said to fake the confidence so the girl doesn't think you're weak cunt and should just be put down like a sad old dog.
Step two was to learn confidence. Confidence that practically suggests that you're a player and could probably have anyone in the room if you so please. I want this confidence without the cockiness smothering it. But I can't be anything that this fucking idealistic douche bag of a writer is asking me to be. So sorry match.com, but it's a no from me so I swiped right and moved on to the next website in my pursuit of desperation and how to speak to girls.
WikiHow (How to Talk to Girls as a Teen Boy), is somehow this second website I glanced my eye upon and the fact it has multiple steps on achieving that desperate dream of being able to talk in front of women and/or girls. This particular article was well suited for my needs as it shows how a teenage boy should go around things orally with a girl. Part one had some bullcrap about how to start a killer conversation, so far it is suggesting we become a serial killer in order to try and talk to girls and get in bed with them, creating a Jimmy Savile and Jack the Ripper rolled into one character inside my empty skull.
Idea number 1: Have a cool approach. "Hey bitch, suck me." Nailed. Well, I nailed it, not those dicks at WikiHow, they suggested "Hey, I'm Brian. What's your name?" This is simple and apparently effective. But guess what Brian, fuck you and your lame ass you a pussy ass bitch. Sticks and Bones may break your bones but I'll render them utterly useless if you use one more weak ass pick up line.
Idea number 2: Open with a light topic. "Hey, my dad just died and he said if you suck me I can get a million pounds, and you can't teach that!" Once again, I nailed that one on the head. But WikiHow? "Man, my weekend was crazy. I had to help my dad build an addition to the house and I can barely move my arms. How about you? Did you do something more exciting with your time?" Well Brian (quoting The Rock) IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU DID! Stop being so fucking selfish just ask how her fucking day or weekend was, see your back story was so lengthy I forgot what it was.
Idea number 3: Get a feel for the girls personality. "Oh you don't like sucking dick? Oh sorry my Dad just called me I got to go." Still nailing this shit. WikiHow? Still no cigar for the poor bastards, but anyhow lets see what shit Brian comes up with."Don't worry if she's shy. She may be one of those girls who is only shy at first, but who quickly opens up once you make her comfortable." (I put it in italics because why not.) But honestly if shes like that, you probably took her to a bar and spiked her normal coke.
Overall, the whole idea was fucking lame of looking this up and in hindsight I should of realised what a waste of time asking the internet about interacting was. But since my mates couldn't help me with this and Al Blizzard refuses to tell me his ways, I was held with no other viable option. However me slating this topic shouldn't be a thing as I do struggle and the ideas WikiHow had (not the sentence starters Brian supplied with us) actually helped and I now have a girl talking to me.
Anyway feel free to take the piss out of me like you already would do. And if you liked it suggest other topics I should rant about and if or not I should take this idea and put it on a blog or keep it on here.
This little issue has led me to Googling a solution. I was first going to Ask Jeeves (Ask Jeeves - What's Your Question?) and use IE but after not being able to find the latter I gave up and just searched on Google.
The first link I clicked on was a dating advice post by Match.com (How to Talk to Girls You Don't Know), so it's the type you would want to use on the desperate girl, or just a girl you desperately want to try and woo. I read step 1 and I fell at the first hurdle. I have a fear of rejection that is psychologically wired into me stemming back to a girlfriend which I had when I was 5; so this no fear shit isn't going to really come with ease for myself. However, it said to fake the confidence so the girl doesn't think you're weak cunt and should just be put down like a sad old dog.
Step two was to learn confidence. Confidence that practically suggests that you're a player and could probably have anyone in the room if you so please. I want this confidence without the cockiness smothering it. But I can't be anything that this fucking idealistic douche bag of a writer is asking me to be. So sorry match.com, but it's a no from me so I swiped right and moved on to the next website in my pursuit of desperation and how to speak to girls.
WikiHow (How to Talk to Girls as a Teen Boy), is somehow this second website I glanced my eye upon and the fact it has multiple steps on achieving that desperate dream of being able to talk in front of women and/or girls. This particular article was well suited for my needs as it shows how a teenage boy should go around things orally with a girl. Part one had some bullcrap about how to start a killer conversation, so far it is suggesting we become a serial killer in order to try and talk to girls and get in bed with them, creating a Jimmy Savile and Jack the Ripper rolled into one character inside my empty skull.
Idea number 1: Have a cool approach. "Hey bitch, suck me." Nailed. Well, I nailed it, not those dicks at WikiHow, they suggested "Hey, I'm Brian. What's your name?" This is simple and apparently effective. But guess what Brian, fuck you and your lame ass you a pussy ass bitch. Sticks and Bones may break your bones but I'll render them utterly useless if you use one more weak ass pick up line.
Idea number 2: Open with a light topic. "Hey, my dad just died and he said if you suck me I can get a million pounds, and you can't teach that!" Once again, I nailed that one on the head. But WikiHow? "Man, my weekend was crazy. I had to help my dad build an addition to the house and I can barely move my arms. How about you? Did you do something more exciting with your time?" Well Brian (quoting The Rock) IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU DID! Stop being so fucking selfish just ask how her fucking day or weekend was, see your back story was so lengthy I forgot what it was.
Idea number 3: Get a feel for the girls personality. "Oh you don't like sucking dick? Oh sorry my Dad just called me I got to go." Still nailing this shit. WikiHow? Still no cigar for the poor bastards, but anyhow lets see what shit Brian comes up with."Don't worry if she's shy. She may be one of those girls who is only shy at first, but who quickly opens up once you make her comfortable." (I put it in italics because why not.) But honestly if shes like that, you probably took her to a bar and spiked her normal coke.
Overall, the whole idea was fucking lame of looking this up and in hindsight I should of realised what a waste of time asking the internet about interacting was. But since my mates couldn't help me with this and Al Blizzard refuses to tell me his ways, I was held with no other viable option. However me slating this topic shouldn't be a thing as I do struggle and the ideas WikiHow had (not the sentence starters Brian supplied with us) actually helped and I now have a girl talking to me.
Anyway feel free to take the piss out of me like you already would do. And if you liked it suggest other topics I should rant about and if or not I should take this idea and put it on a blog or keep it on here.
