8. THE GREAT AMERICAN BASH 2004
Match Card
United States Championship: Rene Dupree vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Booker T vs. John Cena
Charlie Haas (w/Miss Jackie) vs. Luther Reigns (w/Kurt Angle)
Cruiserweight Championship: Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero
Kenzo Suzuki (w/Hiroko) vs. Billy Gunn
Sable vs. Torrie Wilson
Mordecai vs. Hardcore Holly
WWE Heavyweight Title, Bull-Rope Match: Eddy Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
Concrete Crypt Match: Dudley Boyz (w/Paul Heyman) vs. the Undertaker
Here we are for our number 8 in the countdown of the Worst WWE PPV's of all time. We have the Great American Bash 2004 which was in the era of Brand Exclusive PPV's. This is a Smackdown only PPV. The card doesn't exactly look amazing. The opening video package is incredibly creepy by the way.
US Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam
Cena gets a huge reception and a very loud cheer when he comes out for this match. He insults all participants in the match which the crowd love. This was done in rap form and was pretty damn great. I loved Cena when he was like this.This was back when Cena wore the jersey of wherever he was. He wears a Michael Vick Virginia Tech jersey as they are in Virginia. This match is a very solid opener to the PPV. I like all of the guys in the match and they all put in a solid performance. The match is an elimination match rather a one fall finish which I actually prefer. There's a lot of big moves and finishers hit in this match. RVD is eliminated first after Cena rolls him up pretty much out of nowhere. The fans are exactly in to this match this much. There's a few RVD chants near the beginning and they like Cena but that's about it. Dupree is next to be eliminated after Cena hits him with an FU (Or an AA in the PG era) and Booker pins Dupree after he hits an Scissor kick on Cena. We're now down to the final two men with the Champ Cena and Booker T. Cena manages to dodge a Scissor kick and hit an FU to retain the title. An ok match, not that amazing but not too shabby.
Rating: 6/10
They see me rollin, they hating
Charlie Haas vs. Luther Reigns
Kurt Angle randomly makes this match after John Cena hits on Jackie Gayda, Angle then shouts at Charlie Haas and puts him into a match with Luther Reigns. This is back when Luther Reigns was Angle's assistant and this is actually his in ring debut. To put it nicely, this match is absolutely pathetic. Luther Reigns is the slowest man ever in the ring. He's Great Khali slow. He looks incredibly green yet he still dominates this match. Charlie Haas hits a suplex and that's it really. At least Jackie is here for some eye candy. Not even that can benefit this match though. The fans are not interested at all and neither am I. Luther Reigns hits his finisher and puts us all out of our misery. Horrendous match.
Rating: 1/10.
I guess steroids don't increase your speed
Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio
Ooh, this match looks interesting. I really hope it can save my boredom after the last match. To be fair, I'd be happy with the Punjabi Prison match at this point. This match starts off a lot faster paced than the predecessor which I enjoy far more. The match employs a good bit of psychology with Chavo Guerrero targeting Rey's knee so that he cannot pull off his high flying moves. Chavo keeps kicking at Rey's knee and locking him in different submission moves to hurt Rey's knee. Rey hits a number of high flying moves in this match which is good to see. Rey isn't at his total best in this match but it's still a pretty good match. Rey eventually wins the match with a sunset flip. Not a classic, but a pretty good match nonetheless.
Rating: 6/10
Kenzo Suzuki vs. Billy Gunn
Um, what the hell is this? Why on earth do these two have a PPV match against each other? This was 11 years ago so I can't really remember much about this feud. However, I decided to do my research and I found out what this feud was all about. Suzuki wants revenge for Japan because of what America did to it in World War II. Not exactly a wrestling feud to be fair. Well at least Billy Gunn has his ass man theme music, a real saving grace. There's not really too much to say about this match. It's absolutely terrible and incredibly boring. The fans even start to boo during this match after what seemed like an endless amount of chinlocks. Kenzo Suzuki wins after giving a low blow to Billy Gunn and hitting a weird looking reverse DDT. A horrible finish to a horrible match, how fitting.
Rating: 2/10
A shining wizard....knee?
Sable vs. Torrie Wilson
How good can this one really be? Both divas look great which I suppose is a bonus. The ring action is incredibly sloppy which makes for a terrible match as you can expect. The fans boo very quickly into the match which just shows how good it is. A negative reaction is better than no reaction I guess? I spoke too soon, the fans are now silent. Torrie hits one of the worst looking suplex's ever in this match. Both girls decide to run into each other which brings back the booing. Sable rolls up Torrie for the win after playing possum, thank god it's over.
Rating: 1/10
Mordecai vs. Bob Holly
They have to be trolling me now. Where are the real matches hiding at? Why on earth is this match on a PPV? I don't remember and I don't want to remember why these two were feuding. Mordecai could have been big in my opinion. You know, if he could talk or wrestle or the character wasn't made to look like a joke from the start I suppose. The crowd is once again absolutely silent. I really cannot blame them. They should be getting paid for watching this, not having to pay. Ooh look, another chinlock. I must have seen more chinlocks on this PPV than I have ever seen before. Taz decides to totally make fun of the Mordecai character, mainly focusing on the way he talks. Cole and Taz's commentary is actually one of the best thing about this PPV, that really says it all. The match ends after Mordecai hits a Razor Edge for the victory. Another terrible match.
Rating: 3/10
Who'd have thought he'd come back with an even worse gimmick?
World title: Eddie Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
Here we go, time for the real matches. I am not really sure why this match isn't the Main Event though as it is the World Heavyweight Championship match. I guess Undertaker is more important than the WHC. This match is going to be a Texas bullrope match due to JBL being allowed to choose the stipulation after Eddie got intentionally disqualified at Judgement Day. JBL did a good promo earlier in the night. I really enjoyed JBL's wrestling god gimmick, it was great. There is a bell on the rope which gets annoying very quickly. The rope gets used a lot in this match as a weapon as you can imagine. Both guys use it to choke each other out and the bell is also used as a weapon. This match is more about tactical moves to stop your opponent touching all corners rather than being all out action. There are a few good spots in this match. For example, Eddie hitting the Three Amigos and a frog splash. Also, JBL powerbombing Eddie through a table. Both men manage to hit three of the corners and Eddie wins the match by diving for the final corner to retain the title. Or, so I thought. Kurt Angle then comes out and says when Eddie dove at JBL, it knocked JBL into the buckle first, which means he’s champion. A dodgy finish to a solid match. Overall, it's a pretty good match. It's not exactly amazing but it's the match of the night. That's not exactly saying much but still.
Rating: 7/10
Dudley Boys vs. Undertaker
What the fuck is the stipulation of this match? Why on earth is Paul Bearer going to get buried in cement if The Undertaker doesn't do “the right thing� I have no idea what the ring thing is and I don't think anyone else does. Paul Heyman decides to preview what he can do and puts some cement in and stops it. Why doesn't Undertaker just go and knock Heyman out and turn the cement off? This literally makes no sense. Why is this the Main Event? Bubba tells Undertaker to lay down and that's the right thing. So apparently if Taker doesn't lay down then Paul Bearer will be buried in cement. Seriously, what on earth is this match? Taker isn't going to lay down though, he grabs both members of the Dudleys by the throat. Heyman tells Taker this is the right thing to do and that distraction allows the Dudley's to take over. Heyman keeps teasing Taker by threatening to put more cement on and even starts doing it so show Taker what he can do. The fans are silent in this match, it's absolutely pathetic. Bubba decides to stop the cement as they can do this on their own apparently. The fans decide to start booing very loudly. The Undertaker tombstones Devon and wins the match, that match was so odd. Heyman goes to pull the lever to finish Paul Bearer off but Undertaker just strikes a lighting bolt out of nowhere. The Undertaker then decides to just pull the lever and bury his associate and friend of 13 years in cement. What the fuck? Everything about this match was horrible. The concept and the execution.
Rating: 3/10
This PPV really had it all. Terrible matches, some more terrible matches and a god awful Main Event. The US Title Match, Eddie vs JBL and Chavo vs Rey were the only ok matches. I wouldn't wish watching this PPV on my worst enemy.
Overall rating: 29/80
:
