Bad Music: a Celebration

[Sky]

Napoleon XIV - They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!

Another great example of songs that are so bad they wrap around to being amazing. Novelty records are low-hanging fruit, but this one has so much going against (and therefore for) it. The fact that he doesn't even bother to have (A) singing or (B) melody of any kind makes this better than it would be if he'd tried to sing. Another fun thing about the original single is that the B-side was just this song in reverse.

 

[Wangman Page]

Doesn't know the language, but puts her heart into it. First person I thought of for the public collection.

Why does she sound like the old lady in the wedding singer

 

[Y2Jayne]

 

[Sky]

The Peaches - Christmas Wrapping

The Peaches Christmas Wrapping. 1994 single charting at #128 in the UK in December 1994. A cover version of a track by The Waitresses. Official music vid...

youtu.be

The Peaches - Christmas Wrapping

While it's still December 25 for you Americans, here's a long-non-awaited update to this thread. For context: The Waitresses' song Christmas Wrapping is my favourite Christmas song of all time. So any cover was going to pale in comparison, but this one feels like the worst imitation. The original instrumental is farted out from a toy keyboard, accompanied by two women who can't really sing. The lyrics of the original seem to be misheard. Also, the music video is so low-budget you need to see it.

 

[Sky]

Guns N' Roses - My World (Visualizer)

Official audio for My World performed by Guns N' Roses Releasing November 11, the Use Your Illusion I & II Box Set features a total of 97 tracks, 63 are prev...

youtu.be

Guns n' Roses - My World

Picture yourself as a first-time listener to Guns n' Roses' Use Your Illusion II. You've gotten through several tracks of hard rock that, while nowhere near as good as Appetite for Destruction (but then again, what is?), is pretty damn nice, and you wonder how they finish it off. And then you hear this. A bizarre industrial... rap... thing, which features Axl Rose's vocal over bargain-bin samples that he probably picked out because they sound vaguely like Nine Inch Nails. And is that the sound of an orgasm at the end? Yes, it is. As the album ends, you wonder how the hell the rest of the band approved this bizarre Axl track. You will later find out that they didn't. He snuck it on to the end of the album and Slash, Izzy, Duff and co. had no idea that it existed until the album had already been released.

 

[Sky]

Mötley Crüe - Brandon

The Mötley Crüe album Generation Swine is about as good as you'd expect from a glam-metal band trying to break into 90's alt-rock. That is, not very. But the weakest (and funniest) track on the album isn't anything like that. It's a piano-driven ballad sung by Tommy Lee solo, about his son. Tommy demonstrates why he's not the lead singer, let's just say, with his voice not sounding like it's coming from the same song as the instrumental. His attempts at lyrics are also superbly shit. I quote:

Your mother gave birth to you with love inside
She had candlelight and songs of life
Brandon, I love you, I love her, she is your mom

Absolutely no words. Needless to say: let's not go, Brandon.

 

[Hidden Blaze]

What the fuck did I do

 

[Sky]

What the fuck did I do

Be the son of Tommy Lee apparently

 

[Sky]

Gnesa - Wilder

The amazing thing about this one is that it's so obvious what they've done to hide the fact that this woman Can Not Sing. Either they forgot to try AutoTune or even that couldn't save her, so they buried her vocals in the mix. Seriously. The instrumental overshadows her so much you can barely hear her, but you can make out just enough to know that it has no relation to the intended melody whatsoever. It's not even that good of an instrumental, as you can tell, but it's somehow the best part of this.

 

[GARBAGE]

I remember that song coming out and I remember no one could tell if it was purposely bad or not to either make fun of, or try to piggyback some of the viral magic of "Friday."

 

[GARBAGE]

Oh btw

 

[Bad News Booty]

Kevin Federline - PopoZão

Remember when K-Fed beat John Cena on RAW? Horrible times. This was the first result of Britney Spears' ex trying to parlay the fame of once having slept with a singer into a musical career. It's inspired by Brazilian music and features lyrics about ass-shaking. How very deep. The vocal style and backing track combine to give the overall feeling of a Pitbull song, but if you put it into the PaRappa the Rapper game and then started playing badly so the instrumental turns into a sucky version of itself. Rubbish, in an inspired way, like only someone who thinks they know music but doesn't could make. K-Fed took the reaction to this song badly, cutting it from the tracklist of his album Playing with Fire. However, the remaining songs are bad in ways that aren't funny or memorable, which is ultimately worse.

will always remind me of this

 

[Bad News Booty]

oh and sky this is for you

 

[Skyefire]

The 80's was a great time for girl groups. There were The Go-Go's, The Bangles, Banarama, and then there was Toto Coelo (or Total Coelo in the U.S so they wouldn't get confused with Toto). They released this song called "I Eat Cannibals". The song alone is so bad it's good with the suggestive lyrics "I eat cannibals. Feed on animals. You're love is so edible to me. I eat cannibals." The video makes is so much better/worse depending on your view.

 

[Sky]

Doctor Spin - Tetris

I'm sure I don't have to explain. It's actually a decent club arrangement, but everything about it's so laughable. The women in block-covered dresses trying to dance to it. The fact that everyone's seeming to take it so seriously. And ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER was one of the composers for this. The guy who composed (or stole, depending on your PoV) some of the greatest musical music of all time, did a cheesy fucking Tetris remix.