An odd question, and I don't know why I'm asking it here

[NotReallyaGoodUN]

What do you guys think of vasectomies?

And when I say think of vasectomies, I don't mean why do you do what you do in your free time instead of choosing to ponder about vasectomies, but what do you guys think of an unmarried man getting one?

The issue goes something like this. I'm 23, just started job hunting with a Bachelor's degree, and I have already gotten some positive responses to some resumes I've sent out. Let's just say for lack of a better term that I am fiercely ambitious.....I would rather die than accept defeat. I know, sounds corny and is probably something a face John Cena or Randy Orton would say, but that's just who I am. While my family is not affluent by any means, we are still way ahead of most families in my city/state/country (whatever) as most people here are still illiterate, living in poverty without any access to clean water and high school education, let alone luxuries like broadband internet and gaming consoles. (Dead serious about the water and high school thing.)

My family isn't really the kind that imposes their will on me and I would be free to do whatever the fuck I want as long as I'm not breaking the law. I'm definitely planning on going back to college and getting a graduate degree somewhere down the line after adding to my work experience.

Here's where things get complicated. There's a long history of mental illness in my family. My mom is high functioning and I'm pretty sure has a host of mental illnesses. My dad is a Machiavellian, pure type. Either that or he's a psychopath. Don't really see the difference as the Machiavellian is simply the non-imprisoned variant of the psycho anyway. My brother just started having a breakdown. I'm the only one who's somewhat normal in the entire family lineage. At least in this generation. The question is, why would someone want to pass down such a thing to another woman and make her existence a misery too? I know what "love" feels like. Made me feel more drained and miserable than energized and happy. I've been in a relationship. It was like being tied down by an anchor and I wanted to shoot myself than go on in it.

The thing is, I'm attractive. Not being egoistic, but it's the truth. And as one of my more *ahh-hem* active friends said, these women are "looking to be idolized" and as everyone knows, no one knows what happens, when, if you catch my drift. And I don't want to intentionally hurt any other woman or get into any unwanted trouble as this country is still ultra-conservative and prudish when it comes to sexual issues. Why would someone want to get beat up within an inch of their lives just to get their dick soaked for a few minutes?

I'm pretty sure I don't want kids or marriage at least at this moment. I just want to be married to my work and absorbed in hobbies.

This is where I'm confused and pretty much everyone gives me a strange look when I bring this up. Should I do it? It's not like there aren't any other options to have kids in case I become interested in someone (i.e adoption), which is highly unlikely as I find the psychological state called "flow" more attractive than the states of "lust" and "friendship". I just want to know if this is the right age to be making such a decision. Most of my friends say it's drastic, some of my closer relatives look at me as if I just said I wanted to murder someone, I don't know what the big deal is....

Did any of you guys on here do it? Would you? Even if you had kids? This is a serious deal, as there is no going back once it's done as the reversal procedures are never 100%. I'm leaning towards doing it, but the regret I feel is going to be great if I discover that I made the wrong decision a few years down the line. Just wanted the older/more wiser members on the forum to give some life tips as I'm pretty much mute when it comes to doing anything beyond basic life skills/employment oriented stuff.

Ehh.....

 

[CaptainxBumout]

I'm a bit confused by your 5th and 6th paragraphs but the whole thing basically just comes down to you. I don't know how things work where you're from but if you did get a vasectomy and then end up wanting a kid later well adoption is a pain in the ass. It's a very slow process and a lot of people get turned off by it because of that. You could always freeze your sperm just in case you change your mind later on in life.

Why exactly do you want the vasectomy? I know you said you don't want kids but is it just an extra precaution?

 

[NotReallyaGoodUN]

^You mean the bit where I said I find flow more attractive than lust? And the reversal never being 100%?

Well I meant it in the sense that I want to be literally married to my passions and my job. However, no one knows anything for certain, I mean, what if I did meet someone who I actually fell for? And what if she was the type who insisted that she wanted to have my kids and not somebody else's (or something like that.)

The vasectomy is basically to prevent the mental illness bit, this is like a plague. Runs within the family. It's a self perpetuating prophecy.

The whole conflict in the situation here is there no such thing called an absolute truth when it comes to personal relationships....otherwise it's not really a question of yes or no, would have done it by now.

 

[ThatGuyFromNukemHigh]

When I was your age I did think about it, I was selfish, juvenile, and I also have a history of mental illness on both sides of my family, and a dead beat father that made me wish I had access to a time machine so I could go back and kill him before he ever met my mother and ruined her life. I am glad I didn't go through with it, I met a woman who made me feel like I was invincible, and the love we still share to this day is easy, never any games of control, never any doubts about what the other is doing while away from the other. After 4 years together we married, and 2 years after that our son was born, a healthy, happy boy who couldn't have a more supportive family.

My advice to you is to wait a few more years before you really start thinking about it. Just because there is a history of illness does not guarantee it will be passed on, and there are many forms of contraceptives that are not permanent. If you still feel the same way in a few years, then by all means, its your life, and your choice to make, but give yourself the time to really think about it.

 

[We Are Legion]

I don't know what women are like in India, but it really doesn't seem like you've ever been in love and I doubt you even want to be. If you're absolutely certain you don't want to reproduce (which it seems like you have logical reasons for) then so be it. But it's highly common for people your age to not want kids and then change their minds when they're about 30.

I just don't understand what the rush is to get one. If you don't want kids, fine, but use an alternative means of "birth control" until you've thought that over for a few years. I don't really see what relevance the decision has to your work ethic. You're definitely not going to feel that way about work for the rest of your life, that I can guarantee you. You might find purpose and fulfillment in your job, but eventually you'll realize it doesn't make you happy. I don't mean in the sense that you enjoy your job, I mean the type of happiness you should have when you're not working. That will catch up to you eventually even though it seems you try hard to compensate.

Either way, think it over for a few years and if you still feel this way when you're 30, then do whatever. But you definitely don't want to make a life-altering/preventing decision just so you can have less hassle when you fuck, which is really all this sounds like it boils down to.

 

[Troy]

I agree with what the others are saying in that you should wait a bit before making such a serious decision. Give it plenty of time for thought as it isn't something you want to rush into. You are still young and you may change your mind about relationships and kids in the near future. You never really know what live has in store and if you end up meeting the right woman you don't want to regret having had this surgery. With regards to not wanting to have kids there are less drastic cotraceptive options out there to prevent that and they also allow you the option of having kids in the future if you change your mind.

You mention your concerns about mental illness running in the family. It might be an idea to see a doctor about that and talk to them about the chances of it passing on to the next generation and what the odds are likely to be. Just give it plenty of thought before deciding whether or not to go through with it.

 

[Embrace Thou Maryse]

I know what "love" feels like. Made me feel more drained and miserable than energized and happy. I've been in a relationship. It was like being tied down by an anchor and I wanted to shoot myself than go on in it.

Not intended to be an insult but you're 23, you're still just a kid relatively speaking. One bad relationship doesn't mean they all suck.

Its impossible to plan ahead at such a young age and say that you'll never find love, never decide you want kids, family, marriage, etc at 23.

And yeah the day will come where you hate your job, unless you're an astronaut or something like that.

 

[NotReallyaGoodUN]

^None taken, that's why I was asking the older member of the forums for advice. I'm 23 just for name's sake, I'm probably, idk 19 or 18 inside my head.

GuyFromNukemHigh and Troy seem to understand my situation somewhat well.

You mention your concerns about mental illness running in the family. It might be an idea to see a doctor about that and talk to them about the chances of it passing on to the next generation and what the odds are likely to be. Just give it plenty of thought before deciding whether or not to go through with it.

It was a complete coincidence but I kind of realized I was conflicted more than convinced when I saw a couple with their baby when I went to the dentists office to get a root canal a couple days ago...

I don't know what women are like in India, but it really doesn't seem like you've ever been in love and I doubt you even want to be. If you're absolutely certain you don't want to reproduce (which it seems like you have logical reasons for) then so be it. But it's highly common for people your age to not want kids and then change their minds when they're about 30.

I just don't understand what the rush is to get one. If you don't want kids, fine, but use an alternative means of "birth control" until you've thought that over for a few years. I don't really see what relevance the decision has to your work ethic. You're definitely not going to feel that way about work for the rest of your life, that I can guarantee you. You might find purpose and fulfillment in your job, but eventually you'll realize it doesn't make you happy. I don't mean in the sense that you enjoy your job, I mean the type of happiness you should have when you're not working. That will catch up to you eventually even though it seems you try hard to compensate.

Either way, think it over for a few years and if you still feel this way when you're 30, then do whatever. But you definitely don't want to make a life-altering/preventing decision just so you can have less hassle when you fuck, which is really all this sounds like it boils down to.

The underlined bit is what frightens me the most. The Cork previously posted something but removed it for some reason, where he said "The very fact that he's all what to do over such a life altering decision tells me he shouldn't have it done."

Thanks for putting things into perspective. I'm not really the womanizing type, which is why your final sentence confuses me, but I do agree that most relationships at this age aren't true "relationships" in the most down to earth sense of the term, but...I just wanted confirmation that this isn't the right age to make such a drastic decision. Being single at age 40 and running around 20-27 year old women sounds profoundly creepy if I'm being completely honest.

Truly, truly sorry if I bothered/annoyed anyone with this, it's kind of a complicated issue that's been festering inside my mind and bothering me for a while now.

 

[monkeystyle]

I've wanted one since I was about 20 or so.

I'm going to be 31 in a couple of weeks and it's been long enough without changing my mind that I think it's going to be my birthday present to myself this year.

That said, definitely wait a little while before you do it. Changing your mind is entirely possible and that's why I waited for so long. I wanted to be absolutely certain.

There is one fairly big downside though. My evidence is purely anecdotal but it's been my experience that most women want kids and finding one that doesn't want kids can be a difficult prospect.

 

[zigglerHEEL]

I'm 33, but it's hard for me to relate because I always wanted to have kids and now have 2.... What I can offer is that who I am today is very different from who I was 10 years ago.... So many things can change in 2 years let alone 10.... You are talking about a life altering decision and in many ways your life hasn't really even started yet.... Take some time my man. You don't want to knock down a bridge that you may some day want to cross