Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

Sky · Nov 19, 2025

Entry #1103
Don Leo Jonathan vs. Anton Geesink
Open Championship League Match
AJPW Open Championship League - December 6, 1975

As you may have noticed if you clicked on that little "checklists" dropdown in post 3, Cagematch has a new oldest bad match! The crown once held by Rocky Johnson vs. Dr. D has been taken, and it's one that's unlikely to be beaten given how few crappy matches were taped around that time. We've got AJPW to thank, as on top of their Champion Carnival, they had another big tournament this year. And they filled it with more useless foreign shitters than is usual even in Baba-land. Case in point, these two. Past-it territory guy meets disinterested judo guy. 2.00/10 says the ever-present hivemind, are they right? Probably!

Really delayed lock-up, which leads to nothing. Jonathan gets on a headlock, come off the ropes, clash. Abdominal stretch, then Jonathan bundles Geesink over and hugs him a bit until Geesink tips them both on to the ropes. The above sequence takes 5 times longer than you guessed it would reading that. Geesink tries to control the arm, another rope break. Bear hug because it's... oh wait it really is the 1970s this time. Okay, I'll let it slide. Test of strength spot! It occurs to me that I'm over halfway through the video of this match. I'll tell you something for free though: we're so used to the American way of really selling holds, that this more realistic style where they're just standing there and not selling as much feels hokey and boring. Is that a fault of either style? Who knows, but it's why so many AJPW matches just don;t work anymore.

They go to ground and things get all folkstyle with Jonathan on top of Geesink. At least his scrambling is relatively energetic. Geesink appears to be going for a Boston crab but before something can threaten to happen Jonathan gets on the ropes. After a lot of standing and pacing, they lock up again. Geesink gets a hip toss, which is the most athletic thing he's done. They scramble about at the ropes, roll out, scrap a bit, then Jonathan just rolls in and wins with a really flat count-out. After all that nothing, the finish was nothing, too. Cool!

No effort, no flash, no heat, no point, nothing.

Sky · Nov 19, 2025

Entry #1104
Giant Haystacks vs. Kwik Kick Lee
World of Sport - January 29, 1983

After that one, I briefly scanned the years between 1975 and 1984 to see if there was anything worth covering there. Not much promising, apart from more Anton Geesink (I dread to think). But this one is a juicy one. First of all, it's an incredible mismatch. Akira Maeda in his young lion junior heavyweight days taking on one of the great spheres of British wrestling history, on your television (if you happened to be watching television in January 1983). Also check out that name on Maeda. The most Chinese name a Japanese man has been given. There's no universe in which this is good, surely.

Maeda's a legit 6 foot 3, so there's no way that Haystacks is 6 foot 11 as advertised. He tries to wrench Haystacks' arm but lol, you're trying to make him wrestle. Haystacks just stands there and bounces his opponent off. Maeda tries to knock his opponent over before wrenching his leg and dangling him over the ropes. Kent Walton is unflappable as ever on commentary, just says "if he comes over here I'm off". Haystacks, a man Walton says "doesn't use too many wrestling holds", actually uses a wrist lock. He changes his mind though and goes for a boot choke. And something that isn't even a rope choke, just a hold against the ropes. That earns Haystacks a Public Warning.

Haystacks goozles Maeda and gently leads him to the corner for some pushes against the turnbuckle. And more boot choking. Maeda gets his first proper offence all match so far, a couple of Mongol-like chops, but Haystacks downs him with a punch to the gut (second Public Warning apparently). Haystacks misses a corner charge and Maeda starts chopping him and forearming him to his heart's content. None of this is sold though. Eventually his fatal mistake is to attempt to crossbody a larger man. One low-elevation splash later, done.

Wasn't enough of a bump-fest for this sort of match to work. I really like it when my little guys are bouncing off my bigger guys, you know? That's part of the appeal with say, Sapp vs. Dino.

R-Troop · Nov 19, 2025

Sky said:
one of the great spheres of British wrestling history

This is low key one of the funniest lines I've heard on here

It's accurate but I've never heard it before and cracked up for a good 29 seconds.

Sky · Nov 22, 2025

Entry #1105
Mikey Whipwreck vs. Big Val Puccio
ECW Barbed Wire, Hoodies, and Chokeslams - June 17, 1995

Having recently been alerted to an ECW redub project, I felt I should get a couple of matches in. And as usual, this wasn't the match I came to this show for, but seeing this useless spherical-type individual had a match, I just had to look at it. Big Vally, a man who would be the world's fattest wrestler if he ever wrestled, sent to murder poor Mikey Whipwreck. You know how Whipwreck matches go, though, so let's see it.

"ECW fans with some constructive criticism" -Joey Styles, on the "you fat fuck" chants. Whipwreck doesn't want to approach, for obvious reasons, as this man's wider than either of them is tall. He's overpowered right away. He's got to rest on the ropes, but is tossed once more and has hurt his shoulder. Crowd is restless after having seen only two attempts at a move after three minutes. Whipwreck rains in punches with his good arm and a dropkick but that doesn't do anything. He then hits Puccio in the cock five times in a row and hits him with a DDT for the win. Crowd is unreasonably happy about this despite having just watched a poor excuse for a non-match.

Yeah, not good, right?

Sky · Nov 22, 2025

Entry #1106
Beulah McGillicutty vs. Luna Vachon
ECW Barbed Wire, Hoodies, and Chokeslams - June 17, 1995

Meanwhile, this was the match for which I came. And it's a stonker, 1.44/10 according to the hivemind. This was a facet of the Dreamer vs. Raven feud which was lighting ECW up at the time. Raven had Beulah under his control so Dreamer brought in Luna. Not the last time Luna would be a replacement manager/girlfriend. She seemed to thrive in that role, even if her clients didn't.

Beulah comes out with Raven and Stevie Richards but Luna is alone. Doesn't Dreamer care? Bell rings, Richards lamps Luna in the back with a chair, Beulah pins Luna with one hand on her chest. Wait, I thought Cagematch said this match went six minutes? Raven and co. beat up Luna and Dreamer a bit and they break Dreamer's fingers. Luna gets handcuffed and Dreamer takes a human-shield chair shot to the head.

I feel cheated out of a bad match.

Sky · Nov 26, 2025

Entry #1107
Big Guy Pat/LL Cool vs. The Intimidator/Gino Blanchard
NAWA from Midlothian, Virginia - May 17, 1997

Yes, I'm as confused as you are. I was alerted to this match whose video is labelled "The Worst Wrestling Match Ever". And this isn't exactly going to be insightful, because it was filmed on a grainy old camera and the four out-of-shape guys are very similarly dressed. So don't expect me to be able to tell them apart or even what they're doing most of the time. But it's apparently the worst, and it has been given a date and a place, so in it goes. Onward!

So we start with two fat fucks brawling mindlessly with two fat fucks. Bald guy can't even run the ropes. There's an awful DDT, and time to powder on the outside. One of the... I think it's heels? They're the side with the manager. Anyway, one of the heels takes the straps down. TEST OF STRENGTH spot and the alleged face does an eye poke. There's also an annoying smarky commentary by the guy holding the camera and his friend. One of the wrestlers does an awful clothesline. Lucha style tag from Fat Heel in a Shirt who does crappy punches. And an EVEN WORSE clothesline. One of the faces does shitty slaps and an actual shoot shoulderblock. Alleged face uses a handshake attempt to get some offence in. TERRIBLE small package for two.

Knife-edge chop (more of a backhand shove). The heel manager distracts the ref and the handheld camera focuses on the guys who aren't tagged in so I miss half the heat segment. Alleged face takes down the heel's trousers and smacks his spherical ass. ROPE CHOKING! "Hey fat boy, lose some weight" -one guy in the tiny crowd. Most nonspecific heckle ever. One guy does an awful backfist. Bald fat guy does another terrible DDT for two. There's a terrible neckbreaker that the jackas on the camera still mostly misses. Another one goes off the second rope but seemingly just trips. Structure breaks down and there's a weak crucifix pin attempt. Ref (most in shape guy in this match) shoves a fat guy down. There's a choke on the outside with... something. Second rope double axe handle puts a merciful end to this.

Oh. My fucking God. What we've just seen is beyond incompetence. To even call it that is an insult to the many wrestlers I've called incompetent. None of them looked like wrestlers, none of them moved like wrestlers, and there were four of them. The only dilemma I have here is: does this go on the bottom 25? It's a little unfair, as it's an indie show that was only preserved because of a jerk with a camera, and without clear vision I wasn't able to fully appreciate the shitliness. But, objectively, it's worse than Hogan/Warrior. So I've decided to split the difference. The bottom 25 is now a bottom 30. Enough to fill the world's worst Royal Rumble. And this goes right in.

Sky · Dec 7, 2025

Entry #1108
The Rock n' Roll Express vs. Kevin Nash/Diamond Dallas Page
AWE Night of the Legends - October 15, 2011

Surreal, isn't it? This is the main event of one of a few "legends" shows in history that have been taped (and that are full of crap). I haven't found a link to the rest of the show aside from this main, though. This is apparently based on a shoot interview Ricky Morton did when he buried Kevin Nash for being a politicking bastard. This was somehow rated third-worst match of the year by the WON awards... in the year of Sting vs. Jeff Hardy and Cole vs. Lawler. Does it belong in that company? We shall see.

DDP was a mystery partner but some guy in the crowd still had a DDP sign on hand, so I imagine it wasn't a well-kept secret. DDP vs. Gibson to start, and there's a couple of tie-ups that come to nothing. In comes Nash, in comes Ricky a bit, then some dude with a broken arm shows up and... changes the match to a singles match? Nash probably envies DDP and Gibson who are getting paid to do absolutely nothing. It's going to be No DQ also. And the ref gets replaced by Ron Garvin. This is confusing and bullshit already.

So I guess we're continuing with only half the participants. Morton does that territory-ass walk-away selling that I hate. Nash tosses Morton into the centre of the ring so he can blade on camera, and does his basics. Snake Eyes on to a stripped buckle. TO THE OUTSIDE we go so Nash can lightly tap Morton's face on the steps. Then back in, a nonchalant leg drop gets two. ROPE CHOKING! Morton's absolutely wrecked and stumbling about but gets some shots in and rocks Nash a bit. Getting him on a knee he goes for the legs and finally topples him. "The crowd starting to respond, just a little bit" -lmao Dutch. Chokeslam by Nash for two.

Nash, for some reason, grabs a mic, and he wants to know what Morton's problem with him is. Morton really cares about This Business and Nash was an asshole to everyone in the 1990s and also the 2000s. Nash is willing to bury the hatchet because he's totally changed you guys and he cares about This Business. Morton believes him because he's a babyface and therefore a moron. Jackknife, crotch chops, then Nash buries the fans for being poor and fucks off. Morton gets to his feet and wins by count-out, but yet again Nash refuses to make anyone look good other than himself.

Has there ever been a good legends show? Has a legends show even dared to have a decent main event? I can think of HardCORE Justice 2010 on that front and that's it. This was yet another in the pantheon of trashy old man wrestling, with worked shoot nonsense and politicking to boot.

Sky · Dec 7, 2025

Entry #1109
Johnny B. Badd (c) vs. The Honky Tonk Man
for the WCW World Television Championship
WCW Clash of the Champions XXIX - November 16, 1994

Remember this match? Well, they did it again. Honky Donkey getting another title match because that last one went to a time limit and Old Men Must Be Pushed. Speaking of old men, this is Elvis vs. Little Richard! 2.00/10 says Cagematch. No surprise there!

Badd and his glitter gun are so fucking over it's ridiculous. Honky knows how to be a weasely coward heel but doesn't know how to convincingly stomp to make it look like he's hit Badd's arm. Badd's got style and flash and how did WCW screw this up? He really wrenches a hammerlock. Honky goes for eye rakes and... chest rakes?? Badd hits an atomic drop and Honky's selling... leaves a lot to be desired. Heenan calls him out for taking a punch and still being on his feet. Back in the ring Honky calls for fisticuffs and takes a cheap shot to the eye, so his heat can begin.

Lawler fist drop for two. ON GOES THE CHINLOCK... wait... that chin is barely locked. It's just a chin touch. Of course Badd recovers then. Honky threatens to Shake, Rattle, and Roll but Badd drops him off. Face bashes, inverted atomic nutshot, and then ten cornered punches for Badd. At least Honky is getting a little better at selling. Knee lift for two and Honky BUMPS THE REF because of course. Which means he uses his guitar to get himself DQ'd. This is meant to lead to a big blowoff at Starrcade but Honky vanished because he didn't want to take a clean loss. So that's it!

Meh. Honky is past it and Badd is being wasted.

Loochblade · Dec 7, 2025

Sky said:
Entry #1109
Johnny B. Badd (c) vs. The Honky Tonk Man
for the WCW World Television Championship
WCW Clash of the Champions XXIX - November 16, 1994

...and Badd is being wasted.

Head of the nail. You hit it.

Sky · Tuesday at 11:55 AM

Entry #1110
Gillberg/Steve Wilkos vs. The Slackers
Maryland Championship Wrestling - March 27, 2002

So, 2025. That was the year that was, eh? Most people I know had a miserable time of it, both personally and considering the world at large, and you'd think surely that would convert to bad wrestling. Not so, at least not for one prominent reviewer. Because, for the first time since records began, not a single Dave Meltzer rating was 0 stars or lower this year. While that could be down to shorter WWE PPV cards meaning mediocrity is more prominent than genuine crap, it poses a problem for a thread such as this. What do we do when there's no new truly awful matches to look at? Well, look to Cagematch, first of all, they're much better at finding nonsense than Dave is. But this also means we've got to dig deeper into that thoroughly scraped barrel that is The Past.

And this is what we find at the bottom of that barrel. A celebrity match, though you couldn't have told me who the celebrity was. Steve Wilkos is best known (from what I can tell) as being a bald man who would manhandle guests on Jerry Springer when they got violent. And for what appears to have been a one-off, he decided to get in the ring. To be fair, his partner is Gillberg, he'd need to be a tough bastard. They're facing the team of Chad Bowman (last seen in this thread as "Chad Austin", getting his leg legit broken by New Jack) and Dino Divine! Let's see how it went.

Chad gets some time to mug at Steve before the big lad tags in Gillberg. I thought the ref was one of the wrestlers, he's that spherical. Gillberg does a combination of an OVW Run Thing (yes I know its real name) and a criss-cross, which ends with him in the corner leaving Chad to tire himself out and flop off the ropes to the mat. That's a great spot, and I feel the match probably peaks there. Dino struggles to get Chad back to reality while the large ref argues with both teams. After a bit of time-wasting in comes Dino. Gillberg ties Dino up and TAKES DINO'S LUNCH OUT OF HIS POCKETS AND THROWS IT AT HIM. Food waste has not had a good history in this thread. The heels are not getting along.

Gillberg gets turned inside out by a clothesline. Crowd wants Steve already. Chad does Tajiri's handspring back elbow and then a shitty break dance. Standard Ref Distraction is caused by goading Steve which lets the heels take full control. ROPE CHOKING! Then a catapult on the ropes. Dino clamps on a front facelock and somehow Gillberg overpowers him(???) and tags in Steve, but the ref doesn't see it! At least Gillberg overpowering Chad is more believable. Another missed tag by this rotund ref. Double clothesline, and I cannot believe for a second with the beating Gillberg has taken that it's an even double down.

But it is, and finally TAG TO STEVE! Clotheslines for everyone. Gillberg gets a spear off while Steve, already winded from his hot tag, rests in the corner. Then STEREO SLEEPER HOLDS! Both men down, double arm-drop routine, and neither heel survives. Well, actually, it looks like Steve's victim did survive. Which should be what matters, as he was the legal man! Guess we're working on WCW 2000 rules where whatever happens, happens. A pair of Steve-Wilkos-weisers to celebrate.

One of the less offensive celebrity matches in this thread, but too many nits to pick to be green.

Sky · Tuesday at 1:44 PM

Entry #1111
Kriss Sprules vs. Cage Tyler
Winner Becomes CEO of the OPWO
OPWO Scorn - March 4, 2005

I did something I don't usually do any more today. I checked the submission form. It's too full of pretty-good matches that someone just wanted me to watch, so it's hard to sift through. But I just saw this one and I knew. It's a bit of indie low-hanging fruit, of course, but it's been called the funniest worst match ever by none other than Cultaholic's Tom Campbell, who commentated this... fucking hell, over 20 years ago? Where has the time gone?

"This is the Biggun in Wigan" -Tom Campbell. He calls out Sprules for being incredibly bland. Dunfermline's finest, Cage Tyler comes out through the crowd, despite there being maybe 30 people in that building. Sprules throws something which leads to a shoving match. Both guys try a full nelson but Tyler comes out on top doing what I think is meant to be a standing armbar? Sprules does a headlock from a Russian legsweep position, and no you did not misread that. Standing switch, is what I think the next spot is intended as. It's really just two waistlocks.

Tyler trips Sprules, who flops uselessly. This looks like the position for an STF, or a crossface. Does Tyler go for one of those? Does he fuck. He just slaps on another headlock! Sprules fights up from the headlock... which is to say, he does a terrible elbow, Tyler breaks the hold immediately but remains draped until Sprules does another shitty elbow strike. Stunner outtanowhere, and Sprules chooses to capitalise by struggling to put on a surfboard. After this doesn't do anything he drops into a butterfly lock. Tom on commentary suggests the next step is for Sprules to fart and win by KO. We're spared that by a rope break. Roll-up (with Tyler's shoulder up the whole time) for two.

Nose-to-nose mid-match for no reason. Tyler dropkicks Sprules in the corner, seems to be lining up a move running from the other corner, but just waits for Sprules to come at him with a corner splash. Everyone looks dumb! Sprules is nowhere near large enough to do a Big Daddy body check but he does anyway. An incredibly weak knife-edge chop follows. Sprules does a leg drop and doesn't try to pin, instead going for a shitty front facelock. Tom thinks it's a hug. Sprules actually does a non-awful chop this time. He dicks about a bit before putting on a Figure Four! And Sprules' plain valet in jeans holds his arms to give him leverage. That doesn't stop Tyler turning it around, but Sprules forgets to sell the pain and instead hops to the ropes on one leg.

"The dreaded homoerotic pin" says Tom. You've never seen a Danshoku Dino match. DDT for two... HOLY SHIT THOSE SUNSET FLIP ATTEMPTS. They can't do it, they can barely roll over, and yet they try. Another staredown as somehow these men are winded. Sprules does a shitty "Clothesline from Hull". He goes for a sit-on-the-face pin but Tyler rallies, getting a few knee-bashes and an ankle lock. There's a missed corner charge where somehow both men stumble. Tyler does some shitty indie forearms, everyone does some Stuff until Sprules falls over for no reason and Tyler pins for two. A distraction from Nameless Valet gives Sprules the edge and he does another clothesline again!

Sprules tries to do a Sharpshooter without knowing how. Tyler counters into a.... nothing. But he does some running stomps and sets up for either a piledriver or a Pedigree OH MY FUCKING GOD that was somehow even worse than Eddy Steinblock's attempt. It only gets two. Tyler tries a DDT but gets countered by Sprules, who does a Roll of the Dice (slippy sliding about all the way) to get the win. "That's what happens when you mess with the Faction" -Sprules. A faction called the Faction. What's next, the Stable? The Group?

It's been a long time since I saw a match and thought "this should be in the bottom 30" immediately. It was during those sunset flip botches that it was locked in for me. Two guys barely out of wrestling school with no idea what they are doing, and yet doing every single finishing move they know in a way that would make current Brock Lesnar think "bit much". Amazing, brilliant crap.

Sky · 2026-01-16T06:45:28-0500

Entry #1112
Hillbilly Jim/Haiti Kid/Little Beaver vs. King Kong Bundy/Little Tokyo/Lord Littlebrook
WWF WrestleMania III - March 29, 1987

WrestleMania III, baby! While I did look at this back in 2024, it was only for Hogan/Andre, which is unfair as there's a few more matches that belong in these unhallowed halls. Lucky me, two of them come one after the other! If you don't like Roman Reigns main eventing several Manias on the trot, this is the other side of that coin: King Kong Bundy, main event monster heel at Mania 2, is now in this 1-star comedy match where he and Hillbilly Jim are shackled to a bunch of little people. Or rather, the little people are shackled to Hillbilly Jim, as I have no doubt that lineup is more talented than he ever was. Let's go.

Bob Uecker on commentary, which I'm sure people who don't know baseball is the weakest of the US' four sports loved. Their attempt to dub over Country Boy is worse than ever given that the echo of the Silverdome makes it somehow more audible than Generic Hoedown Music #3. Haiti and Tokyo do a little mat sequence before a comedy criss-cross which makes the mini heels collide with each other. A "little row boat action" follows, and I'm not sure how that's meant to hurt. It's not even a wishbone split, you're just holding the legs. Tiny atomic drop. In comes Beaver who threatens to have an actual wrestling match with Tokyo. Littlebrook I think doesn't get any offense, he just stalls.

Bundy tagged in and both face minis try to stand up to him. They soon realise that's a bad idea and tag in Jim. Armpit drop by Jim gets two even with the minis piling on the pin. FRONT FACELOCK by Bundy, and Beaver does little person things(???) to make him break the hold. Beaver then stops a series of corner punches so Bundy SLAMS the 60-pound giant in front of 93,000 screaming Bundymaniacs and drops a big fat elbow. Apparently a big man attacking a little man is a DQ. Why have them in the same match, then? Bundy threatens to murder Beaver with a splash until his teammates stop him and Jim fights him off.

The briefest flashes of actual wrestling followed by unfunny comedy that thanks to the 80's production you could barely even see. Then the match just ended.

Loochblade · 2026-01-16T07:03:59-0500

Sky said:
Entry #1111
Kriss Sprules vs. Cage Tyler
Winner Becomes CEO of the OPWO
OPWO Scorn - March 4, 2005

I did something I don't usually do any more today. I checked the submission form. It's too full of pretty-good matches that someone just wanted me to watch, so it's hard to sift through. But I just saw this one and I knew. It's a bit of indie low-hanging fruit, of course, but it's been called the funniest worst match ever by none other than Cultaholic's Tom Campbell, who commentated this... fucking hell, over 20 years ago? Where has the time gone?

"This is the Biggun in Wigan" -Tom Campbell. He calls out Sprules for being incredibly bland. Dunfermline's finest, Cage Tyler comes out through the crowd, despite there being maybe 30 people in that building. Sprules throws something which leads to a shoving match. Both guys try a full nelson but Tyler comes out on top doing what I think is meant to be a standing armbar? Sprules does a headlock from a Russian legsweep position, and no you did not misread that. Standing switch, is what I think the next spot is intended as. It's really just two waistlocks.

Tyler trips Sprules, who flops uselessly. This looks like the position for an STF, or a crossface. Does Tyler go for one of those? Does he fuck. He just slaps on another headlock! Sprules fights up from the headlock... which is to say, he does a terrible elbow, Tyler breaks the hold immediately but remains draped until Sprules does another shitty elbow strike. Stunner outtanowhere, and Sprules chooses to capitalise by struggling to put on a surfboard. After this doesn't do anything he drops into a butterfly lock. Tom on commentary suggests the next step is for Sprules to fart and win by KO. We're spared that by a rope break. Roll-up (with Tyler's shoulder up the whole time) for two.

Nose-to-nose mid-match for no reason. Tyler dropkicks Sprules in the corner, seems to be lining up a move running from the other corner, but just waits for Sprules to come at him with a corner splash. Everyone looks dumb! Sprules is nowhere near large enough to do a Big Daddy body check but he does anyway. An incredibly weak knife-edge chop follows. Sprules does a leg drop and doesn't try to pin, instead going for a shitty front facelock. Tom thinks it's a hug. Sprules actually does a non-awful chop this time. He dicks about a bit before putting on a Figure Four! And Sprules' plain valet in jeans holds his arms to give him leverage. That doesn't stop Tyler turning it around, but Sprules forgets to sell the pain and instead hops to the ropes on one leg.

"The dreaded homoerotic pin" says Tom. You've never seen a Danshoku Dino match. DDT for two... HOLY SHIT THOSE SUNSET FLIP ATTEMPTS. They can't do it, they can barely roll over, and yet they try. Another staredown as somehow these men are winded. Sprules does a shitty "Clothesline from Hull". He goes for a sit-on-the-face pin but Tyler rallies, getting a few knee-bashes and an ankle lock. There's a missed corner charge where somehow both men stumble. Tyler does some shitty indie forearms, everyone does some Stuff until Sprules falls over for no reason and Tyler pins for two. A distraction from Nameless Valet gives Sprules the edge and he does another clothesline again!

Sprules tries to do a Sharpshooter without knowing how. Tyler counters into a.... nothing. But he does some running stomps and sets up for either a piledriver or a Pedigree OH MY FUCKING GOD that was somehow even worse than Eddy Steinblock's attempt. It only gets two. Tyler tries a DDT but gets countered by Sprules, who does a Roll of the Dice (slippy sliding about all the way) to get the win. "That's what happens when you mess with the Faction" -Sprules. A faction called the Faction. What's next, the Stable? The Group?

It's been a long time since I saw a match and thought "this should be in the bottom 30" immediately. It was during those sunset flip botches that it was locked in for me. Two guys barely out of wrestling school with no idea what they are doing, and yet doing every single finishing move they know in a way that would make current Brock Lesnar think "bit much". Amazing, brilliant crap.

Damn... that's such a good entry for #1111 :lol

Sky · 2026-01-16T08:02:47-0500

Entry #1113
Junkyard Dog vs. King Harley Race
Loser Must Kneel and Bow
WWF WrestleMania III - March 29, 1987

Next match! Featuring a man who could create the greatest match of all time and Dave still wouldn't give it positive stars. What did he have against JYD anyway? I know he's got no in-ring but that's not the point.

Race has got Women's Champion, geriatric Moolah in his corner. I didn't believe this gimmick was meant to be a direct burial of Jerry Lawler until I noticed he used the same theme as Lawler did. JYD is quickly distracted by the presence of Bobby Heenan but it doesn't give Race much of an advantage. Soon We go TO THE OUTSIDE for Race going for a diving headbutt off the apron... which he misses! But I thought taking stupid bumps for no reason was invented in the 2000s! Race is bumping like a maniac already, especially for that headscissors nothing that JYD does. He even does that flippy death bump over the corner! JYD does the all-fours headbutts but gets distracted by Heenan before he can THUMP so Race hits a belly-to-belly and... just wins. Per the stipulation, JYD's got to bow. Race's throne is a steel chair, so naturally afterward JYD whacks him with it.

Send 'em home happy, I say. After 3 minutes of nothing. I liked Race bouncing about but that's it.

Sky · 2026-01-16T08:48:25-0500

Entry #1114
Koko B. Ware vs. Butch Reed
WWF WrestleMania III - March 29, 1987

High Energy vs. Low Energy! For our last (hopefully) look at Mania 3, the bird man takes on the least natural Natural in history. Only half a star from Dave.

It's too early to hear Jive Soul Bro, sadly. How did that bird not panic and fly away and shit everywhere? Koko's his hand taped heavily. We start off with lock-ups that go nowhere. Reed goes in with punches and forearm clubs, and there's some mixups until Koko dropkicks him out. Reed counters a back body drop attempt with another clubbing blow. Now it's time for Reed to slow-walk around and throw hands. Koko recovers and gets a hip toss off. At last Reed's selling of punches isn't terrible. Koko small package for two. He does a crossbody, Reed rolls through, hand stuffed full of tights, and that's it, Reed wins. Koko tries to get revenge, Slick attacks, but Tito Santana with the save.

Worst of the lot! Reed was immobile and he dragged this out far beyond the three minutes it actually was.

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Saving People With My Smile

Sky

Saving People With My Smile

Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

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Saving People With My Smile

Saving People With My Smile

I'm Driving (Traffic) Now!

Saving People With My Smile

Saving People With My Smile

Saving People With My Smile

Saving People With My Smile

Saving People With My Smile

Peace, Love & Fuck You

Saving People With My Smile

Saving People With My Smile

Saving People With My Smile

Peace, Love & Fuck You

Saving People With My Smile

Saving People With My Smile